Hi, good real community. How are y'all doing?

Well, as you may tell, I'm sweating because we have summer,

and we have about 100 degrees. And in the southern part of

France, a lot of houses don't have air condition. So I am a

little hot. But that's fitting very well with gadreel. Because

we are asking the hard questions here the questions that most

people don't want to tackle, or we ourselves just don't find

answers for. So we are trying to push them aside. And the one

question I want to ask you today is, on a level of on a scale

from one to 10, how high would you estimate your confidence

level is, so if you're coming up with anything below five, and

even if you are five or six, stay tuned, because I want to

share with you today, five very effective ways on how to build a

solid foundation of confidence. Because confidence is about this

intrinsic worthiness. It's the trust in yourself and your

abilities. And being confident doesn't mean that you believe

you are, you know, invincible, and you can do anything and

everything. You have realistic expectations. But when you're

confident, you are not really giving up on reaching a goal

just because you have a senate back, because you know, you have

a natural ability to learn from those things that didn't work

out and to grow beyond them. When you have confidence and

self esteem, you're not looking down on people and think that

you're better than them. And you're not comparing yourself

with them. You just know that who you are, is good enough. Who

you are matters. And who you are you believe in, you can create a

life of joy, purpose and fulfillment. Does that sound

like something you would want to build? But why don't we have

confidence, right? I mean, I was struggling with insecurity for a

long time. And I often was wondering, when we are coming

out of the womb, pretty much helpless. And then very quickly,

we are learning how to make ourselves hurt, learning how to

nurse to turn around to crawl to even walk and then talk. I mean,

shouldn't we have a really strong sense of confidence

because we have accomplished so many life's milestones in such a

short amount of time. So in general, I would say everything

we are doing naturally as we are growing up should boost our self

esteem. But it doesn't, because there is something else

happening that gets actually in the way of it. And those are the

messages that we are receiving from the people around us. So I,

for example, was told, you know, you're nice, you're good, but

don't feel too good about yourself. Because if you do you

see, you're going to be seen as arrogant. And no one likes

arrogant people. All right, so that scared me. I didn't want to

not be liked. So I definitely toned down my confidence and,

and look more at the things I'm not so great at. But you may

have not heard those messages. But you certainly were

criticized for whatever, being too lazy or eating too much, or

wanting too much, or being too loud, or

whatever those things are. So this constant criticism

judgment, which may be well meant by our teachers, and

parents and siblings and peers, it certainly doesn't build our

confidence. It's almost like As humans, we are more used to find

faults with this, you know, quest of making ourselves and

others better than we are really lifting ourselves up. And I

think that is one of the things that we unfortunately then

internalize, and we carry with us through our teenage times

into our adulthood. And then we have these bad habits of

comparing ourselves with others, always looking at the things

that didn't work out that we are not so good at always trying to

improve ourselves, not because we love it, but because we are

feeling like we are lacking or we are flawed, are we lagging

behind. All of those things don't really build a solid sense

of confidence. And if you don't have confidence, you know how

that feels. You're feeling like having weak muscles going

through life wanting to climb a mountain but somehow you don't

feel that you're strong enough to get there. When you have no

confidence, you're constantly doubting yourself have a hard

time making decisions don't want to speak up, or you're feeling

like well, I just do what other people tell me to do and trying

to please others fit in. But I don't want to really be seen for

who I am, I don't want to make a mark or speak up. Now,

unfortunately, not a lot of confidence means also not a lot

of authentic living, it means not really creating a life that

is in alignment with your purpose, and also means not

really leaving your mark in this world. So there's a lot at

stake. And I think confidence is something that is not super hard

to build, because let's face it, as I said, there are so many

reasons to feel good about yourself. But again, we have to

learn how to do it. And from me, at least, I never was taught,

hey, son, this is how you build confidence. So I had to somehow

learn it by myself, learn from the masters, and try to see

which of those methods can really help me the most. So

let's get started. Well, number one thing that I really would

like you to do, to get a greater sense of self worth, is taking

an inventory. What I mean with that is that you are taking a

piece of paper, and you're going to write down 10 of your

accomplishments in life. Now an accomplishment is getting your

high school diploma, and accomplishment is to get married

or have a child or get a driver's license or have a job

since a certain amount of time, or, you know, exploring on

backpack, the back roads of Europe or whatever those things

are. an accomplishment doesn't have to be finding the cure for

cancer or creating world peace. None of us probably has the

Nobel Prize, but we all have had goals that we wanted to reach.

And once we reach them, that counts as an accomplishment. So

write those things down. And then underneath that write down

10 obstacles that you overcame. Now, an obstacle can be like,

you know, I was dealing with an illness, or with a breakup, or

my parents were getting a divorce or always fighting, or I

had a dog that I really loved so much. And that boarding thing

got ran over by a car. And it was really hard for me to deal

with, write down the tough times the things where you really felt

like, okay, I don't know how to overcome that hurdle, or I need

to somehow find something inside of me to be able to, yeah, go

beyond that, or heal that. So write down those 10 obstacles.

And then you're going to write down 10 changes that you have

made in your life. And changes are, for example,

moving out of your parents, or a change could be a change of

career, or change could be a change of diet, or what you

choose to, hey, I want to, you know, lose 20 pounds and run a

half marathon so that I get really, you know, in good shape,

whatever those things are looking for, again, goals that

are can be milestones, it can be desires to self improve. It can

be things where you felt like, you know what, I want to expand

more, you know, the relationship, the town I'm

living in, you know, the profession, and having all of

those things are not really satisfying me, I want to make a

change. So you're gonna write those 10 changes down as well.

Once you have these 30 different items, you're going to write

down next to it, at least two of those inner qualities that

allowed you to have the accomplishments, overcome the

obstacles, make the changes, and always try to find new ones.

Because in the end, wouldn't it be great if you would find 60

different in need qualities, strengths that you have, that

you could build further accomplishments and overcome

further obstacles with. So for example, this can be tenacity.

It can be ambition, it can be intelligence, it can be that

you're, you know, really finding that you have a lot of

creativity that you're a good communicator or connector can be

passion. It can be fun, and you just name it. Go back. Think

about how it felt when you were doing this. You were doing and

realize, yeah, this was not something necessarily someone

helped me. And I didn't do anything I was just carried

across the finish line, this is really something I did. And this

is what I internally had, that allowed me to do this. Because

we often define ourselves by these external things are

saying, Yeah, I have a doctorate, I guess I have, you

know, made to, you know, six figures. And, but in the end, we

know, this is only fleeting, you have it. And that's that, it

doesn't really define you. But what defines you, and what can

give you confidence is how you did it, and what inside of you

allow you to do this. And it's like an artist, if you're an

artist, and you do a beautiful piece? Well, that piece may

really be meaningful to you. But in the end, it's your talent,

it's your creativity, your artistry, that what defines you

as an artist, and all those things are the inventory

inventory that you're doing, define you in regards to who you

are and what you're capable of. And that's going to boost your

confidence. All right, cool. Number two, another confidence

building tool is the tough one. A lot of people feel like, Oh, I

don't want to do that. Do it. It's really fun. And you will be

surprised about the answers. Ask three people in your life, what

they see in you, as you know, valuable things that they love,

or why they believe in you. What are the assets that they

appreciate? What What do they feel like is unique about you?

Doesn't matter how you want to phrase it, you're not fishing

for compliments? You can say, Well, you know, I listen to this

podcast, and it was all about confidence. And hey, you know,

we can all use more of it. So I wanted to ask you because we

have often blinders on. As I mentioned before, we don't see

ourselves exactly who we are. Because through all these

external inputs and programs, we have these filters that don't

necessarily, you know, allow us to have, you know, a good

understanding of who we are, you know, how people can suffer from

body dysmorphia. I think a lot of people suffer from self

esteem dysmorphia, or from self awareness dysmorphia, because we

are looking at ourselves and seeing, you know, a mediocre

person or a loser, and not really someone who is, you know,

seen by others as such an amazing friend, or such a

positive force in the community, or someone who is always really

so good in listening or always helpful, or just, you know,

oozes out a calmness that makes everything somehow seem easier

to tackle. Maybe you have those qualities, and you are not

really aware of them.

So ask three people that you feel will not lie to you. But

you also feel like yeah, they pretty much know me. So it's

gonna be really interesting to see what they're saying. And I

tell you, I asked my clients often to do this. And when they

read, what they you know, what the friends are sending them as

emails, that brings them to tears, it really touches them so

deeply, because it really makes them feel like wow, I always

felt maybe this is who I am. But now as someone actually confirms

this for me, and it's a wonderful exercise, so

definitely do that. Number three, number three is where you

every day want to appreciate and acknowledge the little things

that you're doing. A lot of people are, you know, doing

great in life, they are making a contribution, they are showing

up on time, they're always reliable, they never really say

like, you know, that's too much. He always tried to find a way to

help or to, you know, reach whatever responsibility they

have and the goals that are, you know, set for them or the

setting themselves. So, most of us may exactly do that. We are

showing up, we are doing a great job. And we are not getting

ourselves any reward for it. We just take it for granted. I

mean, one of the sentences that I often hear and it's really

hard for me to hear is when people say well, isn't that what

everybody is doing? No, it's not. You are doing this in your

own unique way and you are showing up with your own unique

set. Have contributions, you just have to pay attention to

them. Maybe you're the nicest driver out there. And even

though everybody's honking the horn, because you let people in,

or you let someone cross the street, and because you are

really, you know, cautious and also consider it. You don't let

yourself be perturbed by this you keep on being a very mindful

and generous driver. Do you ever acknowledge yourself for that?

Now? Do you ever acknowledge that, you know, outside of the

office building, there is a plant and maybe you see it's

hot, and no one gives it water? So you take your water bottle

and give it some water, these little random acts of kindness?

Do you acknowledge us? Maybe not. So do that, every day,

write down two or three things that you feel like, wow, I am

actually a good person, I'm actually a capable person, I'm

actually someone who has somehow a way to always, you know, get

what he or she wants. I'm someone who always finds a

solution, I just do a little research. And there it is. I'm

really someone people come to, and want to talk to when they

have an issue because they trust me. Take also this daily note of

the things that show who you are, and take those as little

stones that are a part of that foundation of your confidence.

It's really fun, it's a little bit like a treasure hunt. And

ultimately, the treasure that you find is you. Number four, is

that you want to stop undermining your confidence. So

that is you know where it started today, it's really

important that you take a self criticism, self bashing fast,

stop putting yourself down, I can soon have a show and body

confidence, because so many people are just in the morning

already, when they look in the mirror, I am making a grimace

feeling like I don't want to even see that. That's horrible.

That's it, that's all who that's not a good start of the day. So

just make a commitment for the next month. To not one negative

to not say one negative thing about yourself, you don't have

to say necessarily all the time, positive things would be good.

But you don't have to do that. Because maybe that's too far

fetched. But stop beating yourself down. It's not helping.

It's not fair. And you wouldn't do this to anyone, especially

not to a good friend.

So you're in a relationship cannot be very good. If you're

constantly criticizing yourself, and that is why you may have

been struggling with confidence. The other thing that you don't

want to do to undermine yourself is to constantly compare

yourself. Yes, I know a lot of people feel one of their outlets

is looking at social media. And if there would be a confidence

measurement device, you would probably see how after a few

scrolls, your confidence is just diminishing, it's zipping out of

you. It feels like oh, where does it go? I don't know. But

everyone else is so much better. Well, no wonder that I don't

feel good about myself. If you want to just take a little

social media fast, this look at inspirational stuff, and that

stuff that, oh, their lives is so much better. And in the end,

you know, it's only polished virtual reality, it's not true.

And it's not really something that should matter to you in the

first place. And the third thing you want to not do in regards to

undermining your confidence is to make assumptions on what

people may be thinking, you know, maybe you are in the mood

to wear something really colorful, or you know, something

that just feels a little bit more revealing because it's hot.

And then you think, Oh no, no, my neighbors will think I'm

doing this or maybe the people in the office will you know,

have a negative opinion and I don't want to stand out. So

you're, again, letting yourself be pushed out of what you really

wanted to do. Because you're making assumptions on how people

may respond to you. Doesn't matter what they're thinking,

none of your business. Try just to do things and feel right and

feel good to you. And then realize nothing actually

happens. I don't know what these people are thinking but I

certainly like it. I feel good. I enjoyed and maybe someone

gives me a compliment. That's nice that extra bonus but I am

not letting myself get stopped with this assumption making. Now

if you have been Paying attention, you probably think

like, Wow, that sounds like this book that I have been reading a

long time ago. Read it. Again, I'm talking about the four

agreements with who wrote it was Don Miguel rousse. excellent

book, a very short, but very profound read. And it has all

those aspects of how to treat yourself better, to be

impeccable with your word, to not make assumptions to not take

things personally, all of those things are included. So it's a

good thing to revisit, if you haven't already done this

recently. Now number, where am I number five, is to make sure

that you are seeing this lack of confidence, not just as

something that you just, you know, maybe another flaw that

you have another issue that somehow sets you apart from the

rest of the world, but that you're seeing it more as a

protective mechanism of your subconscious. And that's really

true. Because very often, we, you know, are dealing early on

in our lives with these, you know, as I said, maybe criticism

or negative messages. And, and for me again, in order to get

love, I need to not feel confident. So the

subconsciousness, they put this confidence on the low burner,

because it only creates trouble. And the subconscious may say, so

if you don't feel too much confident, then you will not

feel too disappointed. If something doesn't work out,

because you already assume it's not going to work out. Or if you

don't feel so good about yourself, and you're actually

already beating yourself up. While somebody else is

criticizing you. It's not so painful, because you already are

used to that pain, because you're causing it yourself. So

the subconscious may tread lightly with confidence because

it says it's not safe out there. So being small, being invisible,

being not like this most, you know, obvious target because you

feel so good about yourself is better. And it may have been

something that may have worked during, let's say, middle school

when you get bullied or when you were dealing with a big brother

who was just torturing you all the time. But you're an adult

now. Or you're on your way to being an adult.

So it's time to really teach the subconscious. It is safe to be

myself. It is safe to be seen. It is safe to speak up, it is

safe to even make a little fool out of yourself. I had a coach

who said once that, you know one great confidence building tool

is to take risks, to do things that you know are, you know, a

little embarrassing, but you're doing many how. And you realize

how nothing happened I didn't spontaneously combust The world

is still turning everything is okay. And then the subconscious

realizes hi doesn't actually matter. Doing something that

could feel a little, you know, shameful is not the end of the

world. I don't have to be so cautious. For example, you can

go into a, let's say a furniture store and ask if they do pizza

delivery? Well, they're gonna look at you like, you know,

you're crazy. And you just say I guess not and you leave and and

that's that. But you know that this, you know, incredulous look

of somebody or them thinking you know that, you know, there's

something wrong with you didn't hurt you. You didn't take it on,

there was this invisible force field of confidence around you

that somehow led all of this simply balance away. So take a

little risk every day chatting with the person in front of you

at the coffee stand. Or maybe asking, you know, the personal

trainer that you always find really cute. If you know, he or

she wants to have a smoothie after the class and those things

where you feel like oh, no, no, no, this is really scary. Well,

if you do it, it gets you automatically out of your

comfort zone. And guess what your new confidence level is not

in your comfort zone. It's way out there. And when you are

stretching your confidence, your comfort zone, you are

automatically increasing your confidence. And you're

automatically expanding. And you're feeling like wow, I have

room to breathe. I have room to be it's like you're getting

yourself from a little pot that you have been, you know kind of

living but not really thriving into a big big garden. And there

you can really expand and grow like you know, a tree With need

more space to grow and expand, so expand your comfort zone and

then feed back. Every time you take a risk. That was great, I

really feel better about myself because I learned to not care, I

learned to just be okay with making something like a fool out

of me, I was completely okay with whatever people were

thinking about me, it didn't hurt at all. Or you may want to

do something like a client of mine who, you know, was joining

an online Group, a group that was you know, chatting about a

certain subject, and he was always worried, should I do

this? I don't know, these are much more, you know, educated,

smarter, and probably much, you know, better than me. And so he

said, okay, for my homework, I'm going to join the group. And

I'll see how long I can stay. After five minutes. He wanted to

leave. But he told himself, no, that's not enough. I haven't

stretched my comfort zone yet. So he stayed for the whole

thing. And guess what, he made a really good friends, your

friends during this chat. And now they are talking all the

time. And he said, while I so glad I made that leap. Because

otherwise I would have never met this person. So it always works

out. It's all up to you, how you see it and how you interpret

whatever happens, interpret in a way that even though maybe

someone may haven't been laughing in your face, if you

took a risk, as long as you say, I get to live with them. This is

funny. You didn't take it personally. And you feel like

Wow, great, didn't define me.

What defined me was me having the courage to stretch beyond

that, what I thought was safe, impossible. And eventually, your

subconscious will go away from just trying to keep you safe to

saying, Oh, yeah, you like it, you like doing things that are a

little bit different. You're like going outside, what feels

safe, you like expanding. And because you're like it your

subconscious switches from protecting you, to helping you

to thrive? Exactly these two speeds your subconscious can do.

So teach us up conscious, I don't want to be protected so

much anymore. Let's go into expansion and thriving mode.

Now, the last thing I really can tell you works very well is to

do an affirmation, an affirmation. I know, often

people do it and they are just repeating the words and don't

really feel anything about it. There is kind of a science

behind affirmations you cannot just you know, use words that

sound good, but you don't really have any association with use

words that feel or make you feel something words that when you

use them bring up a picture of Wow, when I really see who I

could be if I say like an IM statement, I'll I am confident

or I am a good person, if you can feel what that means, now

that you did the inventory and all these other things, and if

you can imagine yourself, how that would look like and how you

would walk through life with this I am confident affirmation,

then the affirmation is, you know, in some ways, like you

know, like a stepping stone or a bridge that leads you on because

it just tells you this direction, pointing you towards

you want to towards where you want to go and telling you you

can do it because you are confident you are valuable. Now

one of my favorite affirmations is not an IM statement, it is I

love, appreciate and believe in myself. I am enough. And what I

love about this affirmation is that it really is about how I am

relating to myself. If it's you know about certain, like I'm

lovable or I'm trustworthy, you know, it always includes other

people, it's about how other people may perceive you or how

in relation to other people. You are with these, you know,

characteristics that when you say I love, appreciate and

believe in myself, I am enough for myself, all that matters.

You are creating again, an energy of confidence that is you

know, holding you in place. It's like this forcefield that just

gives you a sense of negativity bouncing off. There is no

temptation to go into other minds. There is no temptation to

you know, look into other lives and feel like you should That it

all holds you in place like an inner magnet like the earth is

held in place by this inner magnet. And you go through life

just as your own person, you don't wonder if you should be

different, you may be inspired to grow

again to change, but the core feels solid, the core feels

real. And the core feels you, the authentic you. And I'm sure

you can get there. Just don't feel like you know, again, the

motivation is there's something lacking about you make the

motivation that you want to get a better, more fulfilling, more

trusting and more enjoyable relationship with yourself. I

hope that helps you to build your confidence, actually. I'm