Heidi: This is episode 278 of Teacher Approved.
You're listening to Teacher Approved, the podcast helping
educators elevate what matters and simplify the rest. I'm
Heidi.
Emily: And I'm Emily. We're the creators behind Second Story
Window, where we give research-based and
teacher-approved strategies that make teaching less stressful and
more effective. You can check out the show notes and resources
from each episode at secondstorywindow.net.
Heidi: We're so glad you're tuning in today. Let's get to
the show.
Emily: Hey there! Thanks for joining us today. In today's
episode, we are talking about how to make your classroom rules
even more effective, and we have a teacher-approved tip for
building positive relationships with parents.
Heidi: But first, let's start with a try it tomorrow, where we
share a quick win that you can try in your classroom right
away. And if you aren't back in your classroom yet, make sure to
jot this down because you're going to want this tip handy
when you start back. So, Emily, what is our suggestion this
week?
Emily: Okay, so next time you give directions, or when you're
back in the classroom and you give directions, say the
student's name first instead of tacking it onto the end. So
instead of "line up at the door, Marcus," it's "Marcus line up at
the door." Putting the name up front means that their brain
picks up, Oh, you're talking to me, before the instruction
starts, instead of catching the tail end of it when they hear
their name.
Heidi: That's such a small swap, but it's so worth it if it means
that students pay closer attention to what you're saying.
And isn't that the dream?
Emily: Yes.
Heidi: If you like this idea or anything else we share here on
the podcast, would you take a second and give us a five-star
rating and a kind review? Ratings and reviews tell new
podcast listeners that our show is worth checking out, so
everyone really does help us out.
Emily: Okay, Heidi, let's talk about that feeling that every
teacher gets when they come back from a day out when the sub has
been there and there is a note, the note, waiting on their desk
for them.
Heidi: Oh, you know the note. The one where the sub tells you
your class basically reenacted the third grade version of The
Lord of the Flies while you were gone.
Emily: And these are the same kids who lined up fine and
turned in their work two days earlier, and there were no
problems. But yesterday apparently was a whole different
story.
Heidi: You know, the kids are the same, the expectations are
the same. So why did things fall apart yesterday? Well, of
course, it comes down to the lack of structure.
Emily: Ah, yes, because a sub's arrival brings a huge spike of
spark of novelty. Even the most routine procedure suddenly feels
new with a substitute. So structure is needed to balance
that spark.
Heidi: Now, unfortunately, a substitute who is only with your
class for a single day has a difficult job. They don't know
your routines well enough to provide the same level of
structure that you do, and we will go into more detail about
this in a future episode.
Emily: But that is only half the story. The bigger thing that's
missing is you. One of the strongest sources of classroom
structure is your relationship with your students, and so it
walked out the door with you when you left.
Heidi: Your students aren't just responding to your classroom
rules; they are responding to the person who's asking them to
follow those rules.
Emily: Yeah, so that's what we're getting into today. We're
talking all about why the relationship you build with your
students is more important than the rules you set.
Heidi: Sounds like we're doing a hot take, but we're really not.
We are not anti-rule. If you have listened to us at all, you
know we are huge proponents of expectations. Kids need rules.
Rules create predictability and safety.
Emily: And that's why we as teachers spend hours planning
transitions and consequences before the year even starts. And
we should do that. It's important because those strong
procedures are the gears that keep your day running.
Heidi: But in all of that procedure planning, it's really
easy to overlook the second part. How are you going to build
the relationships that make those procedures work?
Heidi: there ways to get a kid to cooperate.
I've seen some teachers online recently talking about how they
are not interested in building a relationship with their
students, and then when they explain, it's clear they don't
mean they're ignoring the teacher-student relationship.
They're just not interested in being their students' friends.
Yeah, I've seen the same thing, and I was like, What are you
talking about? And we are not saying that you need to be your
student's bestie. You don't have to be the fun teacher who hands
out prizes and eats lunch with their kids.
Emily: Yeah, because that's unhelpful in a completely
different way. And I think we all know teachers who have gone
too far into teacher bestie territory. Instead, we are after
the kind of teacher student relationship where every student
knows that their teacher notices them, that their teacher wants
them there, and that their teacher believes that they can
do this.
Heidi: Please don't let that feel overwhelming. Relationship
building really isn't complicated, but it does have to
be intentional. You can't land there by accident.
You either apply external pressure or internal motivation.
Emily: So, with external pressure, students comply
because they want to avoid getting in trouble, or being
embarrassed, or losing a privilege. We have all had that
teacher who ran a silent, perfectly behaved room on
nothing but shame and fear.
Heidi: Yeah, my teacher like that was my seventh grade
algebra teacher, Mr. Moffett.
Emily: Oh, you're calling him out.
Heidi: Yes, he does not deserve the benefit of any positive PR.
Plus, I think he's probably dead.
Emily: He was very old then, so he probably is because I also
had him for seventh grade algebra.
Heidi: Oh yikes! Well, you know, you know how this goes then, and
you could hear a pin drop in his room. Every single kid was on
task and paying attention to everything he said, but that's
because if you talked, he would scream at you in German.
Emily: Now I don't know why I don't remember this part,
though. I don't remember the German.
Heidi: Oh, it made an impression. Well, if it wasn't
the German, it was the heckling. You probably do remember this,
Emily. He would announce that you must have a crush on whoever
you were whispering to, just to shame you in front of the whole
class. Now, I was a perfect angel student in that class
because I did not want any, no German, no heckling.
Emily: Please don't notice me.
Heidi: Yes, but one morning the boy sitting behind me had a
question, and I don't blame him for feeling like you couldn't
ask our teacher, so he asked me instead, and that gave Mr.
Emily: Oh, that's so rough.
Moffat plenty of material for a little stand-up act. Although
Heidi: I mean, but it worked in the sense that nobody talked.
stand-up is generous because he was seated the whole time, he
But I don't think anyone who cares enough to listen to a
teaching podcast is interested in being that kind of teacher,
was not a teacher that got up. But I remember how my cheeks
even if it technically works.
Emily: So we're not getting students to cooperate through
burned; they must have been so red.
Emily: And unless you want to spend all day prodding reluctant
kids, which who wants to do that? Then making this
investment really matters. Students who believe their
teacher is on their side are students who stick with you when
you ask them to do something. That's what produces
cooperation, and cooperation, not compliance, is the real goal
external pressure, so that leaves the other option:
internal motivation.
here.
Heidi: And this is what happens naturally when a kid trusts the
adult asking them to do something. Now they're not just
avoiding a consequence; they're protecting something they care
about.
Emily: If you need your class to work on an assignment quietly,
both compliance and cooperation can achieve that goal, but at a
cost.
Heidi: And the cost of compliance is pretty cheap. It's
easy to produce; just make the consequences painful enough, and
kids will fall in line. But compliance is short-lived; it
disappears the minute you walk out of the room.
Emily: And it breeds resentment all along the way. But on the
other hand, cooperation is expensive. It takes more work.
You have to plan for it, and you have to keep investing in it.
Heidi: But cooperation lasts. You end up with a class that
largely manages itself because your kids want to live up to
what you expect of them.
Emily: And that's why your kids are willing to follow the rules.
When that relationship is strong, rules become part of
caring for one another. Instead of no talking, students
understand we stay quiet because everyone deserves to learn, and
my talking might disrupt them.
Heidi: And instead of walk in the hallway because my teacher
said, they understand we walk because other classrooms deserve
respect, and the running feet will be distracting. You're not
changing your expectation, but now your students have some
internal motivation to meet it.
Emily: Relationships are so fundamental to how the entire
year unfolds that they are the very first tool that we teach in
our new book, Structure and Spark.
Heidi: And that book comes out next week, and if you pre-order
by august 17, we have some awesome bonuses to send you. The
only catch is that you have to fill out a form for us because
we don't have a way to like get into Amazon and find out who
bought it.
Emily: Yes, so you have to pre-order and then head to
secondstorywindow.net/book to fill out a quick form so we can
send you those bonuses, and we will link to that page in the
show notes.
Heidi: So as you're heading into a new school year, it's so easy
to plan a couple get-to-know-you activities and think that you've
covered it all for relationship building, but unfortunately, it
does take a little more effort than that.
Emily: Instead of thinking this is one more thing to pile on
your plate, try reframing it. Scheduling time for intentional
relationship building is one of the few tools you have for
getting stuff off your plate later.
Heidi: Yeah, that's a definite rarity in education. So instead
of counting the lost minutes spent relationship building,
zoom out and imagine the saved hours. Every time a transition
unfolds efficiently, you easily save five minutes. Every time
your class comes back from recess and settles quickly, you
save another five minutes.
Emily: And this is just like what we talk about with teaching
your procedures at the beginning of the year. The whole idea of
do it right or do it all year long, that's exactly the same
thing here. This all goes hand in hand. So let's get practical.
What does this look like? The first thing is to start
relationship building early.
Heidi: And we mean even earlier than you might be thinking. In
Emily: So, if you think of the first day of school as an event,
her book, The Art of Gathering, which is an excellent book,
Priya Parker explains that an event, whether that's a birthday
party or a professional development training, doesn't
start when the guests arrive. It starts the moment the attendees
hear about it.
the same principle applies. Your relationship with your class
doesn't begin when students walk through the door. It begins the
first time that they hear your name.
Heidi: Which means you really want to make sure they associate
that name with a positive feeling. If you have your class
list early enough, there's a lot you can do before day one. Now,
I taught with a teacher who did home visits before school
started.
Emily: And one of my kids had a teacher that came and met them
before the school year started. It was a little surprising, but
I think it was really good for their relationship. And I know
I've heard that some whole faculties do this at some
schools. They have like a certain day that they're all
going out to meet their kids, and the research shows that home
visits have a lot of benefits. They are such a good way to
learn things about a kid that you would never find out
otherwise.
Heidi: And they're also a really good way to start building trust
with the family too. But they are such a big ask, especially
if no one's paying you to do it. I always felt so guilty not
doing the same thing as my teammate was doing because she
didn't seem to think it was a big deal. But I knew myself well
enough to know that this poor introvert would need weeks to
recover from 25 home visits.
Emily: Oh my gosh, that, it is an introvert's nightmare. I
think having to meet that many new people in a day, I would
actually die. So it is okay if you don't have the time or the
energy for that. This isn't all or nothing. Connecting through
the mail or in other ways works too. So we used to send
postcards before school started, inviting kids to our open house
and asking them to bring something to share on the first
day.
Heidi: It's such a small gesture, but it tells a kid
before they've even met you that you are already thinking about
them.
Emily: And if you want something all ready to go for this, we
have a resource for you. It's so cute. You tuck a star sticker
into an envelope with a poem telling the students to make a
wish the night before school starts, and that their new
teacher is making a wish for them too at the very same time.
It's so cute.
Heidi: Or you could get those squishy star stress balls and
attach the poem to those, but I think those might be a little
bit tricky to mail. So you'd probably want to save those to
give out in person.
Emily: Yeah, that would be perfect to give out at your meet
the teacher night or your open house. And squishies are all the
rage right now, so a squishy star would be perfect. But also
remind yourself that this does not have to be a big deal.
Heidi: Yeah, I've seen the teachers online prepping whole
gift bags. This is not bad. One small thing, even if it's just a
couple of lifesavers, sends the same message. It says, "I'm glad
you're here, and we're going to have fun together."
Emily: Once you have a way to connect with students before the
first day, you need to welcome them warmly once they arrive.
Heidi: On that first morning, you can just assume that every
student is secretly wondering the same thing. Do I belong
here? And every interaction you have that day either answers
that yes or leaves it hanging.
Emily: The easiest first step is to learn your students' names
and take the time to learn how to pronounce them correctly. If
you are at all unsure, ask last year's teacher.
Heidi: Or you can ask the student when you meet them, then
do your best to get it right. I know sometimes with language
differences, it's really hard to make the same sounds that are
natural in the other language. I had a student with an indigenous
Mexican name, and it sounded like music in his accent, and in
my accent, it sounded like a car that wouldn't start. I never did
get it perfect, but I was always respectful when I used it, and I
never put him on the spot by saying something like, "Oh,
that's just too hard for me. I'll just call you whatever."
You know, I just I did try to be respectful.
Emily: Yeah, or making a big deal of the fact of like, "Oh, I
can never get your name right." Like, you don't want to draw
attention to that. Respect is really important when it comes
to names because names are so closely tied to our identity.
That's why using them has such power. Besides learning your
students' names, make it a point to have their names visible in
the room.
Heidi: If you're a teacher that uses student numbers to label
things, aim to have names visible in at least three
places. And if you don't use numbers, then that step's really
easy.
Emily: And one place we always recommend having names is right
outside the door. That way, when a nervous kid arrives outside
your room and they're trying to tell if this is the right place
on that first morning, they know that they are in the right spot
without wandering in to check. They already know before they go
in, so they can come in with a little more confidence.
Heidi: And that little touch of preparation is such a gift when
people are anxious.
Emily: Yep.
Heidi: Another part of your welcome is a fun way to
introduce yourself. The goal is for your kids to see the human
behind the teacher desk.
Emily: You can share the basics, where you went to school, what
you did before teaching, but a few more personal details go a
long way too.
Heidi: Yeah, you can tell them about what you struggled with as
a kid, what you value, maybe that you're deathly afraid of
jellyfish, maybe that's just me.
Emily: That's a that's a you thing, I think. But you could
also bring in an object or two while you're at it, like your
favorite book from when you were their age, or you know, an old
photo.
Heidi: Yeah, kids love laughing at the hairstyles that we all
thought were a good idea at the time.
Emily: Yeah, especially if you're old enough to have lived
through the '80s. Some of our hairstyles ask more questions
than they answer, but it would be fun to show them a picture of
you in second grade if that's a grade you teach or or whatever
grade you teach.
Heidi: Yes, sharing about yourself is a good way to start
building connections, but this goes beyond a fun activity. To
be known and liked by the people you teach, you have to be
willing to let them see who you really are.
Emily: Also, build in time for students to share about
themselves. Plan a few low-pressure group activities so
you can get to know students, and they can get to know each
other.
Heidi: An interest inventory works well for this. You can
prepare a quick survey asking students what they're into, what
they're good at, and what they wish their teacher knew. It only
takes a few minutes, but it can be just the key you need to
unlock a kid that you would otherwise spend all year trying
to figure out.
Emily: You can even fold your rules into your start of the
year activities. After a few days, you can gather the class
for a discussion and then ask what they want out of this year.
Heidi: And then you can use that discussion as a launch pad. If
these are the things that we all want, what rules do we need so
everyone is able to succeed? Write down everyone's
suggestions and then group them into similar categories. So, for
example, okay, we said listen when the teacher is talking is a
rule, and be quiet during work time. Should we put those
together and make one of our rules only talk when it's your
turn?
Emily: The students are much more willing to abide by rules
that they help generate, which makes co-creating them a huge
management boost. And if you want a deeper breakdown of
running a rulemaking activity, the first six weeks of school
book has a great one.
Heidi: And another helpful resource is the community
building menu inside the Teacher Approved Club this month. We
have broken the first five weeks of school into specific goals
and created ready to go activities for each one.
Emily: There's so many fun activities in there, and most
only take 10 or 15 minutes. My favorite, actually, in the site
is the "What I Did Not Do This Summer" writing activity.
Heidi: Oh yeah, that's a fun one.
Emily: Normal summer recap activities can turn into a
comparison contest or trigger a kid who is already having big
feelings about the fun of summer being over. So instead, ask your
class to write and illustrate something they definitely did
not do over the summer.
Heidi: Yeah, maybe they did not go camping, in that which case,
same kid. But maybe they didn't wrestle a unicorn on Mars.
Students are only limited by what they did not do, and if you
have an imagination, that's a pretty big field to draw from.
Emily: And this activity works because it's low stakes and it's
funny. Shared laughter is one of the fastest relationship
builders there is.
Heidi: If you are a club member, go grab that resource today. And
if you aren't a member yet, we would love to have you join us.
And you can sign up at secondstorywindow.net/club.
Emily: Whether you're already starting back, or you won't
start for a few more weeks. Take a minute to look at your plans.
Hopefully, you've scheduled a bunch of time for teaching and
practicing your expectations and procedures. Consistent rules and
routines are one of your greatest management tools.
Heidi: Just don't stop there. Before students will buy into
your procedures, they need to know that the person asking them
to follow directions is doing it out of love and not out of
control, so be intentional about including relationship building
in your plans even after the first week of school.
Good relationships with your students aren't a talent that
some teachers have and others don't. They are a system.
They're effort you make the same as your morning routine, which
means you can build this. So to bring it back to where we
started, the sub who has your class for one day is missing
your routine, sure, but she's also missing every relationship
deposit that you've made all year.
That's why one of the strongest classroom management tools is
the trust you build with the people sitting in front of you.
When students believe their teacher knows them, values them,
and is on their side, the rules don't become less important;
they just become much easier to follow.
Emily: Now, for our teacher-approved tip of the
week, where we share an actionable tip to help you
elevate what matters and simplify the rest. This week's
teacher-approved tip is invite contributions, and it fits right
in with everything we just covered. So tell us more about
it, Heidi.
Heidi: Well, if you haven't done your meet the teacher night yet,
try putting up a chart and asking parents to contribute to
it. It could be a prompt like, "What do you hope your student
learns this year?" or "Write a compliment for our class," or it
could be something more playful, like "Write a song everyone
should know, and we'll add it to our class playlist." Just you
know, preview anything before you do that. Or a prompt like,
"What's your favorite kid-friendly joke?"
Emily: Just like asking for student input is a great way to
boost teacher-student relationships, this is a great
strategy to invest in parent-teacher relationships.
Asking someone to share a favorite song or joke
automatically creates warm feelings.
Heidi: And when it comes to parents, you want them to think
of you and your classroom very warmly. So type the instructions
right now and post them on the board, or you can write them on
a chart for your meet the teacher night.
Emily: And if you've already had your meet the teacher night or
back to school night, tuck this idea away for parent
conferences.
Heidi: If you really want to get ahead, just prep those
conference posters now while you're thinking about it.
Emily: Just don't forget you did it. So set a reminder in your
phone or put it on your schedule so that you remember the day
before conferences that you already made these and you can
pull them out. It's a little thing, but it makes a big
impression.
Heidi: Okay, to wrap up the show, we're sharing what we're
giving extra credit to this week. Emily, what gets your
extra credit?
Emily: I'm giving extra credit to the new version of the Little
House on the Prairie on Netflix. I binged the whole thing
yesterday. So I should preface this by saying I absolutely
loved the Little House on the Prairie book series so so much.
I dressed up as Laura Ingalls Wilder for Halloween one year.
Like not a pioneer. I was Laura Ingalls Wilder, and I corrected
anyone who just assumed I was a pioneer. No, no. So I have a lot
of affection for Little House on the Prairie, but I would say my
affection is not that tied to the TV show. I mean, I saw it
plenty. It was on all the time, and I liked it, but I just
didn't have the same affection for it that I had for the books.
I don't know how you felt about it.
Heidi: It was so different from the books. Yeah.
Emily: Yes, and it was a little saccharine, even for me as a
kid. I remember feeling like, oh brother, you know. Now we come
from a non-saccharine family, so maybe that's why. Even at a
young age, I was sniffing that out, like, Oh, brother! But I
feel like the new series does a really good job of honoring the
original books, but not leaning too hard into the "so sweet it
hurts your teeth" feeling, you know.
Heidi: Oh, that's good.
Emily: And I haven't read the books in a really, really long
time, so I'm not totally positive about all of the ins
and outs of the story. So I don't know how closely they're
following it, but I feel like from what I've heard, it
actually follows the books more closely than the old TV series
did. So I feel like if you really, really, really loved the
old version, you might have a hard time with this one. It's
probably how I feel about Anne of Green Gables. Like, I'm not
even going to watch any other interpretation of Anne of Green
Gables because I only care about the '80s one with Megan Follows.
Which, by the way, she has a cute little cameo in this.
Heidi: Oh!
Emily: But it'll make you feel really sad because she's playing
a grandma. So I even knew it was in here, and when it came on, I
was just like, "Oh, it's Anne! Oh, a grandma! Oh no."
Heidi: I don't like it.
Emily: But she was a very sweet grandma. Anyway, all that to
say, I thought it was really cute. It's totally kid
appropriate. I think it might just be a little slow for some
kids, but I enjoyed it. It was a very nice, relaxing weekend
watch.
Heidi: Oh, that's good. I've heard mixed things because I
think the people that loved the 70s TV show didn't love some of
the things that would happen. But this is such a weird
cultural moment because it's based on a real, it's a
fictional take of someone's actual life, but that life has
been so well researched since the time she was writing her
stories that we have this whole bigger picture of what was
really happening. So then there's the balance of like, do
you lean into the history, or do you just stick with the story
she told?
Emily: Yeah, and I appreciate that they are they're doing
both. I feel like they're do they are honoring the original
story of this little family, but they're also bringing in a lot
more historical context of what's going on. They're in
Independence, Missouri at the time, and what's going on with
the Osage tribes. And yes, I did appreciate that we have been to
Independence, Missouri, so I could actually like put some
imaginations to this of what it what it was maybe like there a
long time ago. But yeah, I I think they did a good job with
that. I didn't feel like it was heavy handed of like we're going
to make this new raw version of Little House on the Prairie.
It's not like that at all, but it definitely is telling a
bigger story, and I like that a lot.
Heidi: Well, that's good. I have to check it out.
Emily: So, what are you giving extra credit to, Heidi?
Heidi: Well, I'm also giving extra credit to a TV show, but
it's a very different vibe. This is the Rise and Fall of Reggie
Dinkins on Peacock. I think this was on like regular primetime
TV, but I totally missed it last year, so I just caught this on
Peacock. And it's Tracy Morgan and Daniel Radcliffe. Talk about
an odd couple. And Tracy Morgan is a disgraced former football
player, and Daniel Radcliffe is a documentary maker with kind of
some demons in his past, and so they're both trying to like
restore each other's careers as he makes a documentary about
Reggie Dinkins. And it's done by a lot of the same people that
did 30 Rock. So if you like 30 Rock, I think this would be your
show. If you didn't like 30 Rock, I don't think you would
enjoy it.
Emily: That's that's a perfect example because I've only seen
the first few episodes, and then I forgot to go back to it. So I
need to do that. But it definitely has 30 rock vibes,
not just because of Tracy Morgan, but you know the whole
yeah the whole feel.
Heidi: One of my favorite things is so they they keep showing you
clips from like the early 2000s when Tracy Morgan slash Reggie
Dinkins was at the peak of his football career, they don't do
anything to make these people look any younger. So it's like
50-year-old Tracy Morgan pretending to be 25. It's very
funny.
Emily: It is funny. I'm excited. I got to go back and and watch
the rest of that. So I'm glad you reminded me.
Heidi: Oh, good, something to look forward to.
That is it for today's episode. Make sure you are planning your
relationship building with as much detail as you are planning
your procedures, and don't forget our tip for inviting
parents to contribute when they visit your classroom.
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Teacher Approved. I'm Heidi.
Emily: And I'm Emily. Thank you for listening. Be sure to follow
or subscribe in your podcast app so that you never miss an
episode.
Heidi: You can connect with us and other teachers in the
Teacher Approved Facebook group. We'll see you here next week.
Bye for now.
Emily: Bye.