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How to Extract Info,

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Secrets,

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and Truth:

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Make People Reveal Their True Thoughts and Intentions Without Them Even Knowing It (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 12)

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Written by

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Patrick King,  narrated by russell newton.

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Being a better communicator is one thing,

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but when you think about it,

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so much of what we “say” to one another is far beyond the verbal language

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we share intentionally.|  If you want to become better at reading people,

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and understand them on a deeper level,

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it’s necessary to go one step deeper than what we normally think of as

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communication.

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In the chapters that follow,

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we’re going to explore several subtle but effective ways to quietly gather

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information about the people around us – even and especially when they’re

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not deliberately sharing it!

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We’ll look at the power of observation,

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how to master questioning techniques to your advantage,

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and see what we can learn from interrogators,

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interviewers and even cold readers and “psychics."

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But first,

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we’ll start with something simply - merely looking at what’s right in front

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of you.

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If you really look,

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there’s a lot of information to be gleaned about the people you interact with.

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The idea that people cannot help but reveal their true intentions and feelings

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one way or another is an appealing one.

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People can say whatever they like,

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but it’s always been understood that “actions speak louder than words”

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and that people’s facial expressions or body language can inadvertently

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reveal their deepest selves.

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We are in effect communicating all the time,

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sending out information about our intentions and feelings—but only a small

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fraction of this is verbal.

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Observing people’s actions and behavior in real time is what we most commonly

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understand to be analyzing people.

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It might seem natural to look to people’s physical bodies in space to intuit

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what’s going on in their heads,

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and there’s plenty of scientific evidence to support these claims.

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Physical appearance can tell you a lot about a person’s feelings,

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motivations,

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and fears,

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even if they’re actively trying to conceal these.

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In other words,

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the body doesn’t lie!

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Nevertheless,

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this approach to understanding people’s motivations is not foolproof.

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When we’re interacting with others and trying to understand what makes them

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tick,

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it’s important to be cautious in making assumptions.

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We’re all individuals,

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and context is very important.

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Though we can use various methods to read facial expressions and body language,

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it pays to remember that no single piece of information is enough to

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“prove” anything,

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and that the art of reading people this way comes down to taking a holistic

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view of the full scenario as it unfolds in front of you.

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Look At My Face.

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Let’s begin with Haggard and Isaacs in the 1960s.

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They filmed couples’ faces during therapy and noticed little expressions that

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could only be caught when the film was slowed down.

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Later on,

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Paul Ekman expanded on his own theory on microexpressions and published a book,

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Telling Lies.

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We all know how to read macroexpressions—those facial movements that last up

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to four seconds in duration—but there are quicker,

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more fleeting expressions that are so fast,

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they could easily be missed by the untrained eye.

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According to Ekman,

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facial expressions are actually physiological reactions.

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These expressions occur even when you’re not around anyone who could see them.

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He found that across cultures,

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people used microexpressions to display their emotions on their faces in very

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predictable ways—even when they were attempting to conceal them or even when

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they themselves were unaware of the emotion.

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His research led him to believe that microexpressions are spontaneous,

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tiny contractions of certain muscle groups that are predictably related to

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emotions and are the same in all people,

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regardless of upbringing,

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background,

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or cultural expectation.

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They can be as quick as one-thirtieth of a second long.

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But catching them and understanding what they mean is a way to cut through what

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is merely said to get to the deeper truth of what people feel and believe.

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Macroexpressions can be,

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to some extent,

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forced or exaggerated,

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but microexpressions are understood to be more genuine and difficult to fake or

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else suggestive of concealed or rapidly changing emotions.

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Within the brain,

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there are two neural pathways related to facial expressions.

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The first is the pyramidal tract,

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responsible for voluntary expressions (i.e.,

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most macroexpressions),

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and the extrapyramidal tract,

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responsible for involuntary emotional facial expressions (i.e.,

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microexpressions).

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Researchers have discovered that individuals who experience intense emotional

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situations but also external pressure to control or hide that expression will

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show activity in both these brain pathways.

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This suggests that they’re working against one another,

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with the more conscious and voluntary expressions dominating the involuntary

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ones.

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Nevertheless,

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some tiny expressions of the real emotion may “leak” out—this is what

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you’re looking for when you attempt to read a person in this way.

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So just exactly how does one learn to read these expressions?

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Can you really decode a person’s deepest feelings just by looking at a twitch

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of their nose or a wrinkle in their brow?

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According to Ekman,

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there are six universal human emotions,

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all with corresponding minuscule facial expressions.

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Happiness is seen in lifted cheeks,

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with the corners of the mouth raised up and back.

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Wrinkles appear under the eyes,

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between the upper lip and nose,

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and in the outside corner of the eyes.

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In other words,

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the movements we’re all familiar with in an ordinary smile are there on a

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micro level too.

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Microexpressions suggesting sadness are also what you’d expect.

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The outer corner of the eyes droops down,

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along with the corners of the lips.

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The lower lip may even tremble.

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Eyebrows may form a telltale triangle shape.

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For the emotion of disgust,

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the upper lip lifts and may be accompanied by wrinkles above it and wrinkles on

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the forehead.

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The eyes may narrow slightly as the cheeks are raised.

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For anger,

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eyebrows lower and tense up,

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often at a downward angle.

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Eyes tighten,

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too,

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and the lips may be pursed or held stiffly open.

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The eyes are staring and piercing.

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Fear,

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on the other hand,

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entails similar contractions but upward.

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Whether open or closed,

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the mouth is tense,

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and both upper and lower eyelids are lifted.

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Finally,

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surprise or shock will show itself in elevated brows—rounded rather than

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triangular,

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like with sadness.

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The upper eyelids lift up and the lower eyelids stretch downward,

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opening the eyes wide.

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Sometimes,

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the jaw can hang loosely open.

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As you can see,

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microexpressions are not very different from macroexpressions in the muscles

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that are involved;

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the main difference is in their speed.

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Ekman demonstrated,

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however,

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that these quick flashes of muscle contraction are so fast that people miss

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them - ninety-nine percent of people were unable to perceive them.

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Nevertheless,

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he also claims that people can be trained to look for microexpressions and in

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particular learn to detect liars,

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a classic example of saying one thing and feeling another.

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Ekman claims to be able to teach his technique within thirty-two hours,

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but for those of us who are curious about using the principles in our own

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lives,

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it’s easy to start.

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Firstly,

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look for discrepancies between what is said and what is actually demonstrated

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through facial expressions.

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For example,

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someone might be assuring you verbally and making promises but showing quick

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expressions of fear that betray their real position.

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Other classic indicators that you are being lied to include lifting the

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shoulders slightly while someone is vehemently confirming the truth of what

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they’re saying.

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Scratching the nose,

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moving the head to the side,

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avoiding eye contact,

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uncertainty in speaking,

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and general fidgeting also indicate someone’s internal reality is not exactly

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lining up with the external—i.e.,

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they might be lying.

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Again,

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it’s worth mentioning here that this is not a foolproof method and that

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research has mostly failed to find a strong relationship between body language,

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facial expression,

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and deceitfulness.

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No single gesture alone indicates anything.

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Many psychologists have since pointed out that discrepancies in

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microexpressions can actually indicate discomfort,

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nervousness,

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stress,

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or tension,

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without deception being involved.

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Nevertheless,

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when used as a tool along with other tools,

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and when taken in context,

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microexpression analysis can be powerful.

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Granted,

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you’ll need to stare quite intently at the person and observe them in a way

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that’s uncomfortable and too obvious for normal social situations.

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You’ll also have to weed out tons of irrelevant data and decide what gestures

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count as “noise” or meaningless idiosyncrasies.

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At any rate,

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people who lack the required training have been shown to be astoundingly bad at

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spotting liars—despite feeling as though their gut intuitions about others’

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deceit is reliable.

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This means that even a slight increase in accuracy you might gain from

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understanding and implementing the microexpression theory may make all the

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difference.

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A microexpression may be small,

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but it’s still a data point.

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All this talk of unmasking liars may make this technique seem rather combative

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and underhanded,

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but Ekman is careful to point out that “lies” and “deceit,” as he

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frames them,

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can also indicate the hiding of an emotion and not necessarily any malicious

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intent.

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There is certainly an allure in playing detective and uncovering people’s

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secret feelings,

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but in reality,

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the use of microexpression analysis is a bit like CSI - it always looks a bit

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more impressive on TV than it is in real life.

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Furthermore,

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the goal in developing the skill of microexpression analysis is not to play

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“gotcha!” to our friends and colleagues,

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but rather to enhance our own empathy and emotional intelligence and foster a

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richer understanding of the people around us.

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If you’re not convinced about using microexpressions to detect deception,

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another perspective is not to look for lies or classify expressions according

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to their duration,

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but rather to look at what an expression typically conveys.

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Then,

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depending on context and how the expression compares to what’s said verbally,

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you can come to your own conclusions.

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Nervousness is typically behind things like tightening the lips or twitching

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the corners of the mouth very quickly toward the ear and back.

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Quivering lips or chin,

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a furrowed brow,

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narrowed eyes,

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and pulled-in lips may also indicate the person is feeling tense.

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If a person you know is normally calm and composed but you suddenly notice

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plenty of these little signs while they tell you a tale you don’t quite

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believe,

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you might infer that,

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for some reason,

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they’re nervous about telling it to you.

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Whether this is because they’re lying or because their story is simply

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uncomfortable to tell—only you can decide from context.

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A person feeling dislike or disagreement might purse their lips tightly,

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roll their eyes,

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flutter their eyelids briefly,

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or crinkle their nose.

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They may also squint a little or narrow their eyes like a cartoon villain

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staring down the hero,

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close their eyes,

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or “sneer” a little in a slight expression of disdain.

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If a person opens the Christmas present you gave them and immediately proceeds

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to do all of the above,

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you might want to assume they don’t really like their gift,

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despite what they say to the contrary.

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Those dealing with stress may find tiny ways to release that stress,

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giving themselves away even though for the most part they appear quite calm.

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Uncontrollable,

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fast blinking and making repetitive motions like twitching the cheek,

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biting the tongue,

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or touching parts of the face with their fingers can all indicate someone

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who’s finding a particular situation stressful.

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This might make sense when someone’s in a job interview or being questioned

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in connection with a crime but may be more noteworthy if you spot it in

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seemingly calm situations.

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This discrepancy gives you a clue that all might not be as it appears.

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Pay attention also to asymmetry in facial expressions.

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Natural,

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spontaneous,

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and genuine expressions of emotion tend to be symmetrical.

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Forced,

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fake,

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or conflicting expressions tend not to be.

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And again,

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try to interpret what you see in context,

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and consider the whole person,

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including other body language.

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Remember that analyzing facial expressions is a powerful method of

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understanding others that’s more than “skin-deep,” but it’s not

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foolproof.

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Every observation you make is simply a data point and doesn’t prove anything

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either way.

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The skill comes in gathering as much data as you can and interpreting the

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whole,

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emerging pattern before you,

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rather than just one or two signs.

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For this reason,

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it’s best to use what you know about microexpressions as a supplement to

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other methods and tools.

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Body Talk.

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Body language,

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for instance,

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may be just as powerful a language to learn to read and comprehend as facial

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expressions.

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After all,

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the face is simply a part of the body.

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Why focus on just one part when people’s postures and general movements can

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speak just as eloquently?

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Ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro is generally considered an authority in this field and

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has used his experience to teach others about the wealth of information people

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share without ever opening their mouths (i.e.,

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what he calls “nonverbal communication”).

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Originally from Cuba and having to learn English after moving to the U. S.

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when he was eight years old,

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Navarro quickly came to appreciate how the human body was “a kind of

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billboard that advertised what a person was thinking."

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During his career he spoke at length about learning to spot people’s

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“tells”—those little movements that suggest that someone is

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uncomfortable,

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hostile,

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relaxed,

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or fearful.

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As with facial expressions,

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these tells may hint at deceit or lies but primarily indicate that someone is

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uncomfortable or that there is a discrepancy between what’s felt and what’s

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expressed.

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Armed with an understanding of how body language works,

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we can not only open up new channels on which to communicate with others,

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but pay attention to our own bodies and the messages we may be unwittingly

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sending to others.

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Firstly,

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it’s important to understand that nonverbal communication is inbuilt,

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biological,

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and the result of evolution.

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Our emotional responses to certain things are lightning-fast,

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and they happen spontaneously,

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whether we want them to or not.

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Importantly,

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they express themselves physically in the way we hold and move our bodies in

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space,

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potentially resulting in the transmission of thousands of nonverbal messages.

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It’s the more primitive,

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emotional,

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and perhaps honest part of our brain,

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the limbic brain,

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that’s responsible for these automatic responses.

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While the prefrontal cortex (the more intellectual and abstract part)

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is a little removed from the body,

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and more under conscious control,

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it’s also the part that’s capable of lying.

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But even though a person can say one thing,

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their bodies will always speak the truth.

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If you can tune into the gestures,

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movements,

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postures,

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patterns of touching,

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and even the clothing a person wears,

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00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:19,600
you give yourself a more direct channel into what they really think and feel.

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Navarro claims that the majority of communication is nonverbal anyway—meaning

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you’re actively missing out on the bulk of the message by not considering

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body language.

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Consider that communication started out nonverbally.

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00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,920
In our earliest histories,

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before the development of language,

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00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,000
humankind most likely communicated by gestures,

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00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,280
simple sounds,

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and facial expressions.

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00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:43,760
In fact,

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from the moment a baby is born it instinctively makes faces to communicate that

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it’s cold,

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00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,200
hungry,

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00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:50,960
or frightened.

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00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:56,200
We never need to be taught how to read basic gestures or understand tones of

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00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:01,440
voice—this is because nonverbal communication was our first communication and

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00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,840
may still be our preferred form.

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Think of all the ways you already take nonverbal communication for granted—in

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the way you show love or demonstrate your anger.

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00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,040
Even if you aren’t aware of it,

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00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:19,480
we are all still processing vast amounts of information on nonverbal channels.

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00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:24,120
Learn how to read this information and you can determine if someone is trying

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00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:28,000
to deceive you or perhaps if someone is trying to conceal their feelings and

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00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,440
true intentions from you.

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00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:33,280
You’ve probably heard of the “fight-or-flight” response before,

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but there’s a third possibility - freeze.

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00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:37,960
What’s more,

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these responses to danger may be quite subtle,

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00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,400
but nevertheless,

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00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,360
they speak to discomfort and fear.

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00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:49,280
Our ancestors might have shown fight-or-flight when running from predators or

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00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:49,880
enemy tribes,

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00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:54,840
but those instincts might have followed us into the boardroom or classroom.

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00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:59,920
The limbic brain is again responsible for these fear responses.

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00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:04,400
Someone who is asked a difficult question or put on the spot may look like a

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00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:05,440
deer caught in headlights.

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00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:10,320
They may lock their legs around a chair and stay fixed tight in that position

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00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,480
(this is the freeze response).

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00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:16,920
Another possibility is physically moving the body away from what is perceived

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00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:17,560
as threatening.

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00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:22,840
A person may put an object on their lap or position their limbs toward the exit

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00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:24,160
(the flight response).

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00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,720
Finally,

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00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,040
a third person may “fight."

400
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:31,440
This aggressive response to fear can show itself in picking arguments,

401
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,360
verbally “sparring,” or adopting threatening gestures.

402
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,480
In fact,

403
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,040
the more competent you become at reading nonverbal signals,

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00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:45,280
the more you may come to appreciate how fundamentally physical they are and how

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00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,720
much they speak to our shared evolutionary history.

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00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:53,680
In the past we might have literally fended off an attack with certain gestures

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00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:58,600
or indeed set out to attack another with very obvious movements and expressions.

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00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,120
These days,

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00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:05,880
our world is very abstract and the things that threaten us are more verbal and

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00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,960
conceptual—but the old machinery for expression,

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00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,400
fear,

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00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,520
aggression,

413
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,160
curiosity,

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00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:12,800
etc.

415
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:13,720
is all still there,

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00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,280
only perhaps expressed a little more subtly.

417
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,320
Let’s consider what are called “pacifying behaviors."

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00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:25,400
These can offer a key insight into someone who is feeling stressed,

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00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,400
unsure,

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00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,080
or threatened.

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00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,280
Essentially,

422
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:33,560
a pacifying behavior is what it sounds like—the (unconscious)

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00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,520
attempt to self-soothe in the face of some perceived threat.

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00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,600
When we feel stressed,

425
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:44,880
our limbic brain may compel us to make little gestures designed to calm us -

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00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:46,520
touching the forehead,

427
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,520
rubbing the neck,

428
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,640
fiddling with hair,

429
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,560
or wringing the hands are all behaviors intended to soothe stress.

430
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,760
The neck is a vulnerable area of the body,

431
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:58,400
but one that is relatively exposed.

432
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,640
Consider how aggressive people “go for the jugular” and you understand how

433
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:08,200
the throat and neck can be unconsciously felt to be an area open for fatal

434
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,120
attack.

435
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:14,360
It makes sense then that someone unconsciously covering or stroking this area

436
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,040
is expressing their struggle,

437
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,640
emotional discomfort,

438
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,040
or insecurity.

439
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,520
Men may use this gesture more often than women;

440
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,240
men may fidget with their ties or squeeze the top of the neck,

441
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:32,240
while women may put the fingers to the suprasternal notch (the indent between

442
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:32,920
the collarbones)

443
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,000
or play nervously with a necklace.

444
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,800
Pay attention to this behavior and you’ll notice how it reveals someone’s

445
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,920
fears and insecurities in real-time.

446
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:47,120
Someone might say something a little aggressive and another person responds by

447
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,240
leaning back slightly,

448
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:49,680
crossing the arms,

449
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,640
and putting one hand up to the throat.

450
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:57,320
Notice this in real-time and you can infer that this particular statement has

451
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,200
aroused some fear and uncertainty.

452
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,680
Similarly,

453
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:05,400
rubbing or touching the forehead or temples can signal emotional distress or

454
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,000
overwhelm.

455
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:10,960
A quick tap with the fingers may reveal a momentary feeling of stress,

456
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,800
whereas a prolonged cradling of the head in both hands can spell extreme

457
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:16,360
distress.

458
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:17,200
In fact,

459
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,760
you can consider any cradling,

460
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:20,600
stroking,

461
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,280
or rubbing movement as the physical clue of a person’s need to self-pacify.

462
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:30,440
This could mean touching cheeks when the person feels nervous or frightened,

463
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,120
rubbing or licking the lips,

464
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,040
massaging the earlobes,

465
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,280
or running the fingers through the hair or beard.

466
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,880
Pacifying behaviors are not just things liked stroking or rubbing,

467
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:42,160
though.

468
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,920
Puffing out the cheeks and exhaling loudly is also a gesture that releases

469
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,040
considerable stress.

470
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,480
Have you ever noticed how many people will do this after hearing bad news or

471
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,720
narrowly escaping an accident?

472
00:22:54,720 --> 00:23:00,840
An unexpected stress release response is yawning—rather than indicating

473
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:01,200
boredom,

474
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:06,000
the body’s sudden attempt to draw in more oxygen during stressful times is

475
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,480
even seen in other animals.

476
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,200
“Leg cleansing” is another,

477
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:16,080
and it entails wiping down the legs as though to wash them or brush off dust.

478
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,440
This can be missed if it’s hidden under a table,

479
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,720
but if you can notice it,

480
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:26,320
it is a strong indication of an attempt to self-soothe during stressful moments.

481
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:30,840
“Ventilating” is another behavior you may not pay much attention to.

482
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:36,400
Notice someone pulling their shirt collar away from their neck or tossing the

483
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,720
hair away from the shoulders as though to cool off.

484
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:42,840
They’re likely experiencing discomfort or tension.

485
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:47,520
Though this might be literally because of an uncomfortable environment,

486
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,920
it’s more likely a response to inner tension and stress that needs “cooling

487
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,240
off."

488
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:58,240
One of the most obvious forms of pacifying behavior looks exactly like what a

489
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:03,280
mother might do to a young child to soothe them - cradling and hugging one’s

490
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:08,400
own body or rubbing the shoulders as though to ward off a chill all suggest a

491
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,120
person who feels under threat,

492
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,040
worried,

493
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,880
or overwhelmed—these gestures are an unconscious way to protect the body.

494
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:21,320
This is an important underlying principle across all of body language theory -

495
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:27,320
that limbs and gestures may signal unconscious attempts to protect and defend

496
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:27,640
the body.

497
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:32,800
When you consider that the torso contains all the body’s vital organs,

498
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:37,000
you can understand why the limbic brain has reflex responses to shield this

499
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,400
area when threats are perceived—even emotional threats.

500
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:45,600
Someone who is highly unresponsive to a request or who feels attacked or

501
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,520
criticized may cross their arms as if to say,

502
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:49,600
“Back off."

503
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,440
Raising the arms to the chest during an argument is a classic blocking gesture,

504
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,160
almost as if the words being exchanged were literally thrown,

505
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,160
causing an unconscious reflex to fend them off.

506
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,240
On a similar note,

507
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,120
slumping,

508
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,240
loose arms can indicate defeat,

509
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,200
disappointment,

510
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,000
or despair.

511
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:13,200
It’s as though the body is physically broadcasting the nonphysical sentiment

512
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,080
of “I can’t do this.

513
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,320
I don’t know what to do.

514
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,280
I give up."

515
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,160
Let’s take it further.

516
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,040
Imagine someone standing over a desk,

517
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:23,760
arms spread wide.

518
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,800
Aren’t you immediately reminded of an animal claiming territory?

519
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,480
Wide,

520
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,760
expansive gestures signal confidence,

521
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:32,880
assertiveness,

522
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,360
and even dominance.

523
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:37,200
If a person is standing with arms akimbo,

524
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,120
they leave their torso exposed.

525
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:44,120
This is a powerful way to communicate that they are confident in taking up room

526
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:47,760
and don’t feel threatened or unsure in the least.

527
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:54,320
Other gestures of confidence and assertiveness include that favorite of

528
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,200
politicians and businessmen the world over - “hand steepling."

529
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,480
The fingertips are pressed together so they form a little steeple.

530
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,000
It’s the classic negotiating gesture,

531
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,480
signaling confidence,

532
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,080
poise,

533
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,240
and certainty about your power and position,

534
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:12,880
as though the hands were merely resting and calmly contemplating their next

535
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:13,240
move.

536
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,560
On the other hand (pun intended)

537
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:20,960
wringing and rubbing the hands is more likely to demonstrate a lack of feeling

538
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,960
in control or doubt in one’s own abilities.

539
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:24,800
Again,

540
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,800
this is a pacifying gesture designed to release tension.

541
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:35,400
Hands are our tools to effect change in the world and bring about our actions.

542
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:36,720
When we fidget,

543
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,880
wring our hands,

544
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,000
or clench our fists,

545
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:43,680
we are demonstrating a lack of ease and confidence in our abilities or find it

546
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,720
difficult to act confidently.

547
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,960
What about the legs?

548
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:52,160
These are often overlooked since they might be concealed under a desk,

549
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,400
but legs and feet are powerful indicators too.

550
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,080
“Happy feet” can bounce and jiggle—on the other hand,

551
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,760
bouncy legs paired with other nervous or pacifying gestures may indicate an

552
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,760
excess of nervous tension and energy or impatience .

553
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,840
or too much coffee,

554
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:10,840
you decide.

555
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,560
Toes that point upward can be thought of as “smiling” feet and indicate

556
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:16,160
positive,

557
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,440
optimistic feelings.

558
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,400
Physiologically,

559
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,520
our legs and feet are all about,

560
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:23,840
unsurprisingly,

561
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:24,560
movement.

562
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,800
Busy feet could suggest an unexpressed desired to get moving,

563
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,720
either literally or figuratively!

564
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:35,400
It’s also been said that feet point in the direction they unconsciously wish

565
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:35,680
to go.

566
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:40,840
Both toes turned toward the conversation partner can signal “I’m here with

567
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:41,000
you;

568
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:46,240
I’m present in this conversation” whereas feet angled toward an exit could

569
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,720
be a clue that the person really would prefer to leave.

570
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,920
Other clues that someone is wanting to move,

571
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:53,360
leave,

572
00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:56,480
or escape are gestures like clasping the knees,

573
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,760
rocking up and down on the balls of the feet,

574
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,680
or standing with a bit of a bounce in the step—all of these subtly

575
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,920
communicate someone whose unconscious mind has “fired up the engines” and

576
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,480
wants to get going.

577
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:13,960
This could mean they’re excited about possibilities and want to get started

578
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:14,800
as soon as possible,

579
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:19,520
or they may have a strong dislike for the current situation and almost

580
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:21,040
literally want to “run away."

581
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,080
Again,

582
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:23,600
context matters!

583
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,720
Legs and feet can also reveal negative emotions.

584
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,600
Crossing the legs,

585
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:30,600
as with the arms,

586
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:36,160
can signal a desire to close off or protect the body from a perceived threat or

587
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,160
discomfort.

588
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:43,040
Crossed legs are often tilted toward a person we like and trust—and away from

589
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:43,880
someone we don’t.

590
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,760
This is because the legs can be used as a barrier,

591
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:51,120
either warding off or welcoming in someone’s presence.

592
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:55,880
Women may dangle shoes off the tips of the toes in flirtatious moments,

593
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,160
slipping a shoe on and off the heel again.

594
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,480
Without getting too Freudian about it,

595
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:06,000
the display of feet and legs can indicate comfort and even intimacy with

596
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:06,560
someone.

597
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,080
On the other hand,

598
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:12,960
locking the feet and ankles can be part of a freeze response when someone

599
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,280
really doesn’t like a situation or person.

600
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,920
So having discussed the face,

601
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:18,800
hands,

602
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,880
legs and feet,

603
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,400
and torso in general,

604
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,800
what else is there?

605
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,200
Turns out,

606
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,280
a lot more.

607
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,920
The body as a whole can be positioned in space in certain ways,

608
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,760
held in certain postures,

609
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,800
or brought further or closer to other people.

610
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,960
The next time you meet someone new,

611
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:41,560
lean in to shake their hand and then watch what they do with their entire body.

612
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,440
If they “stand their ground” and stay where they are,

613
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,280
they’re demonstrating comfort with the situation,

614
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:47,920
you,

615
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,280
and themselves.

616
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:54,880
Taking a step back or turning the entire torso and feet to the side suggests

617
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,160
that you may have gotten too close for their comfort.

618
00:29:58,160 --> 00:29:59,680
They may even take a step closer,

619
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:04,360
signaling that they are happy with the contact and may even escalate it further.

620
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:08,920
The general principle is pretty obvious - bodies expand when they are

621
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:09,200
comfortable,

622
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:09,880
happy,

623
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,040
or dominant.

624
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,040
They contract when unhappy,

625
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:14,120
fearful,

626
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,160
or threatened.

627
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,600
Bodies move toward what they like and away from what they don’t like.

628
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,800
Leaning toward a person can show agreement,

629
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:23,600
comfort,

630
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,720
flirtation,

631
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:25,520
ease,

632
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:26,600
and interest.

633
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:27,720
Likewise,

634
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,160
crossing the arms,

635
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:30,160
turning away,

636
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,240
leaning back,

637
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:36,680
and using tightly crossed legs as a barrier show a person’s unconscious

638
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:40,520
attempt to get away from or protect themselves from something unwanted.

639
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,720
Those people who spread out on public transport?

640
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,160
They feel relaxed,

641
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:46,960
secure,

642
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,120
and confident (annoying,

643
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:49,480
isn’t it?).

644
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:54,640
Those that seem to bundle themselves as tightly as possible may instead signal

645
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,280
low confidence and assertiveness,

646
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,440
as though they were always trying to take up less room.

647
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:04,160
Similarly puffing up the chest and holding out the arms in an aggressive

648
00:31:04,160 --> 00:31:05,320
posture communicates,

649
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,720
“Look how big I am!” in an argument,

650
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:13,120
whereas raising the shoulders and “turtling” in on oneself is nonverbally

651
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:13,520
saying,

652
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:15,040
“Please don’t hurt me!

653
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,240
Look how small I am!"

654
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,560
We’re not much like gorillas in the forest,

655
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:23,280
beating our chests during heated arguments—but if you look closely,

656
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:27,680
you may still see faint clues to this more primal behavior anyway.

657
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:33,600
Those postures that take up room and expand are all associated with dominance,

658
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,880
assertiveness,

659
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,080
and authority.

660
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,920
Hands on the hips,

661
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:43,200
hands held regally behind the back (doesn’t it make you think of royalty or a

662
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,240
dignified soldier who is unafraid of attack?),

663
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:51,200
or even arms laced behind the neck as one leans back in a chair—all signify

664
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:52,400
comfort and dominance.

665
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,720
When you are becoming aware of people’s body language,

666
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,400
ask in the first instance whether their actions,

667
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:00,080
gestures,

668
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:03,800
and postures are constricting or expanding.

669
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,560
Is the face open or closed?

670
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:10,840
Are the hands and arms spread wide and held loose and far from the body,

671
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,800
or are the limbs kept close and tense?

672
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:19,480
Is the facial expression you’re looking at pulled tight or loose and open?

673
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,840
Is the chin held high (sign of confidence)

674
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,400
or tucked in (sign of uncertainty)?

675
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:30,400
Imagine you have no words at all to describe what you’re looking at;

676
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,160
just observe.

677
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:35,760
Is the body in front of you relaxed and comfortable in space,

678
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,720
or is there some tightness,

679
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:38,600
tension,

680
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,000
and unease in the way the limbs are held?

681
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,160
A lot of the art of body language is,

682
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,640
once pointed out,

683
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:46,440
rather intuitive.

684
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:51,480
This is because each of us is actually already fluent in its interpretation.

685
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:56,200
It is merely allowing ourselves to de-emphasize the verbal for a moment to take

686
00:32:56,200 --> 00:33:00,520
notice of the wealth of nonverbal information that’s always flowing between

687
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:00,920
people.

688
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:02,880
None of it is really concealed.

689
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:03,280
Rather,

690
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,800
it’s a question of opening up to data coming in on a channel we are not

691
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,000
taught to pay attention to.

692
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,280
Putting It All Together.

693
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:18,280
How can we use all of this to actually help us “read” people effectively

694
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,960
and understand even those motivations,

695
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:21,600
intentions,

696
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,920
and feelings people may be actively trying to conceal?

697
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:30,560
It’s worth remembering right off the bat that detecting deception is not as

698
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,560
straightforward as some would have you believe and,

699
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:33,880
as we’ve seen,

700
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:39,200
not as simple as spotting a tell-tale sign that proves a lie once and for all.

701
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:45,160
Laypeople and professionals alike are notoriously bad at reading body language,

702
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,840
despite the wealth of information we now have on the topic.

703
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:53,560
But the knack really comes in deciding what to do with certain observations

704
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:54,360
once you’ve made them.

705
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:58,000
Does a person’s folded arms mean they’re lying,

706
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,800
unhappy about something,

707
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:00,840
fearful .

708
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,800
or just feeling cold?

709
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:08,040
The trick comes in using not just one or two but a whole host of clues and

710
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,880
tells to form a more comprehensive picture of behavior.

711
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:16,040
The reason why it’s so difficult to “spot a lie” with perfect accuracy is

712
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:21,360
that the gestures and expressions associated with deception are often not

713
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,920
different from those signifying stress or discomfort.

714
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,160
So given all this,

715
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,320
is it worth learning to read body language?

716
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,000
Absolutely.

717
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:36,080
Adding this extra dimension to your interactions with others will only enrich

718
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:40,640
your relationships and give you extra insight into your interpersonal conflicts

719
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:41,240
and tensions.

720
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:45,680
Knowing what’s going on with another person allows you to be a better

721
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:50,480
communicator and speak to what people are actually feeling rather than what

722
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:51,280
they’re merely saying.

723
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,600
Body language signals are always there.

724
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:58,240
Every person is communicating nonverbally,

725
00:34:58,240 --> 00:34:59,840
at every moment of the day.

726
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:04,760
And it is possible to not only observe this information in real-time but learn

727
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,960
to properly synthesize and interpret it.

728
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,840
You don’t need to be an expert,

729
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,920
and you don’t need to be perfect.

730
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:15,440
You just need to pay attention and be curious about your fellow human beings in

731
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,200
a way you might not have before.

732
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,680
As you’re developing your body language reading skills,

733
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:28,120
it may help to keep a few key principles in mind -  Establish normal behavior.

734
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:32,640
One or two gestures in a conversation don’t mean much.

735
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:36,320
They could be accidental or purely physiological.

736
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,480
But the more you know how someone “normally” behaves,

737
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:45,160
the more you can assume that any behavior outside of this is worth looking more

738
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:45,880
closely at.

739
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,920
If someone always squints their eyes,

740
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:49,640
pouts,

741
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:50,720
jiggles their feet,

742
00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:51,680
or clears their throat,

743
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,280
you can more or less discount these gestures.

744
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:59,800
Look for unusual or incongruent behavior.

745
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:04,400
Reading people is about reading patterns of behavior.

746
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,920
Pay special attention to clues that are unusual for that person.

747
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:13,000
Suddenly fiddling with the hair and avoiding eye contact could tell you

748
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,200
something is going on,

749
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:18,840
especially if this person never does either of these things normally.

750
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:24,320
You may with time come to recognize “tells” in people closest to you—they

751
00:36:24,320 --> 00:36:28,920
may always wrinkle their nose when being dishonest or clear their throat

752
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,160
excessively when they’re afraid and pretending not to be.

753
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,720
Importantly,

754
00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:38,880
pay close attention to those gestures and movements that seem incongruous.

755
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:44,840
Discrepancies between verbal and nonverbal communication can tell you more than

756
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,320
merely observing nonverbal communication alone.

757
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,160
It’s about context.

758
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,840
An obvious example is someone wringing their hands,

759
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,080
rubbing their temples,

760
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,200
and sighing loudly but who claims,

761
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,200
“I’m fine.

762
00:36:58,200 --> 00:36:59,320
Nothing’s wrong."

763
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,520
It’s not the gestures that tell you this person is concealing distress,

764
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:07,280
but the fact that they’re incongruent with the words spoken.

765
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,080
Gather plenty of data.

766
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,480
As we’ve seen,

767
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,360
certain constricting behaviors could merely be because one is cold,

768
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,120
tired,

769
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,160
or even ill,

770
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:24,520
and expansive gestures may not be about confidence so much as feeling

771
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,480
physically warm and wanting to cool off.

772
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:31,920
This is why it’s important to never interpret a gesture alone.

773
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,600
Always consider clusters of clues.

774
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,440
If you see something,

775
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:40,320
note it but don’t come to any conclusions immediately.

776
00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,680
Look to see if they do it again.

777
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:48,200
Look for other gestures that may reinforce what you’ve seen or else give

778
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,880
evidence for the opposite interpretation.

779
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:56,120
Check to see if the behavior repeats itself with other people or in other

780
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:56,920
contexts.

781
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:01,560
Take your time to really analyze the whole of what’s in front of you.

782
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,960
Look for mirroring.

783
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:11,160
An important thing to remember is that certain gestures may mean one thing in

784
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:15,760
one context or when shown to one person but have a different meaning in another

785
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,240
context or with someone else.

786
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:18,480
In other words,

787
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:24,760
certain gestures could literally only apply to you as you speak to this person.

788
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,280
If you’re not very familiar with someone,

789
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:32,960
a quick body language–reading shortcut is to merely notice whether they are

790
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,320
or are not mirroring your gestures,

791
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:36,240
whatever they are.

792
00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:39,520
Mirroring is a fundamental human instinct;

793
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:43,920
we tend to match and mimic the behavior and expressions of those we like or

794
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:44,320
agree with,

795
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:49,680
while we don’t if we dislike a person or perceive them negatively.

796
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:52,680
If you’re in a meeting with a new client,

797
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:58,440
you may notice that no matter how friendly your voice or how often you smile

798
00:38:58,440 --> 00:38:59,760
and make open-handed,

799
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:00,640
warm gestures,

800
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,560
they respond with coldness and closed gestures,

801
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,000
failing to mirror back to you your optimism.

802
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:08,920
Here,

803
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,640
the gestures themselves are irrelevant;

804
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,480
it’s the fact that they are not shared which shows you that the person

805
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,800
you’re dealing with is unreceptive,

806
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:17,800
hostile,

807
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:18,720
or threatened.

808
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:22,320
Pay attention to energy.

809
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,680
This is not some fluffy,

810
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,320
esoteric idea - in a group,

811
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,920
simply take note of where intention,

812
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:31,560
effort,

813
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,120
and focus are being concentrated.

814
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,520
Watch where energy flows.

815
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:37,920
Sometimes,

816
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,840
the “leader” of a group is only so in name;

817
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,640
the real power may lie elsewhere.

818
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:48,120
One only needs to look at how much focus and attention flows toward a baby in

819
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,160
the room to see this in action—the baby says and does very little yet

820
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,400
nevertheless commands the attention of everyone there.

821
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,160
Similarly,

822
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:01,920
a family may have the father as the official “leader,” and he may gesture

823
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,160
and talk loudly to cement this perception.

824
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:10,000
But pay attention and you may see that it’s his wife who is constantly

825
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:10,480
deferred to,

826
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:15,640
and every member of the family may show with their body language that it is in

827
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,160
fact their mother’s needs that take precedence,

828
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,480
despite what’s claimed verbally.

829
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:25,680
The most powerful voice in a room is not necessarily the loudest.

830
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:31,000
A lot can be understood about the power dynamics in a group by watching to see

831
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,160
where energy flows.

832
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,840
Who speaks the most?

833
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,240
Who are people always speaking to,

834
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:37,320
and how?

835
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,880
Who always seems to take “center stage”?

836
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:44,480
Remember that body language is dynamic.

837
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,440
When we speak,

838
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:51,000
the content of our language isn’t just about the words and the grammar we use

839
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:51,920
to string them together.

840
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,760
It’s about how we talk.

841
00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,480
Do we say a lot or a little?

842
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,000
What tone of voice?

843
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,560
Are sentences long and complicated or short and terse?

844
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,480
Is everything phrased tentatively,

845
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:06,200
like a question,

846
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,360
or is it stated confidently,

847
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,280
as though it’s a known fact?

848
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,400
What’s the speed of delivery?

849
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,800
How loud?

850
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,080
Is it clear or mumbling?

851
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:21,440
In the same way that verbal information can vary in the way it’s

852
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:22,000
communicated,

853
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,360
nonverbal information can vary too.

854
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,040
Gestures are not static,

855
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:31,920
fixed things but living expressions that move in time and space.

856
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:35,280
Watch the flow of information in real-time.

857
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:39,920
Watch how expressions change and move in response to the environment and those

858
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:40,160
in it.

859
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,920
Don’t be curious about “catching” a discreet gesture,

860
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:47,520
but rather watch the flow of gestures as they change.

861
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:48,200
For example,

862
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,240
look at how a person walks.

863
00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:53,880
Walking is like a body posture but set in motion.

864
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,160
Shuffling,

865
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,680
slow gaits suggest lack of confidence,

866
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:58,880
while springy,

867
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:03,040
quick ones suggest optimism and excitement.

868
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:07,280
Become interested in how a person responds to others in conversation or their

869
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,880
style of talking to those in positions of power.

870
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,040
Once you start looking,

871
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,680
you’ll be amazed at the wealth of information that’s just waiting there to

872
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:15,160
be noticed.

873
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,840
Context is everything.

874
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,960
Finally,

875
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,840
it bears repeating - no gesture occurs in a vacuum.

876
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:29,120
Nonverbal communication needs to be considered in relation to everything

877
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,080
else—just like verbal communication.

878
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:35,840
Establish patterns and learn about a person’s behavior over time,

879
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,320
in different contexts,

880
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,320
and toward different people.

881
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:44,960
Consider the situation and environment—sweating and stuttering during your

882
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,640
wedding vows or a big interview is understandable;

883
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:51,840
doing so when asked to explain what you’re doing snooping through someone’s

884
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,160
drawers is a little more suspicious.

885
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,760
Remember that everyone has their own unique,

886
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,840
idiosyncratic personality.

887
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:05,000
Factor into your analysis the fact that people are either introverted or

888
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:05,760
extroverted,

889
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,280
may favor emotions or intellect,

890
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:12,160
may have high or low tolerance for risk and adversity,

891
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,440
may thrive in stressful situations or wither in them,

892
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:21,200
and may be spontaneous and casual or goal-directed and rather serious.

893
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,480
Our instinctual,

894
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:27,800
evolutionarily programmed impulses can’t be hidden or resisted,

895
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,800
but they can take on slightly different forms depending on our unique

896
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:32,600
personalities.

897
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,400
Admittedly,

898
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,840
reading facial expressions and body language is a skill that takes time and

899
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:39,880
patience to master.

900
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:43,560
There are no quick and easy tricks to understanding people’s deeper

901
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:44,280
motivations.

902
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:44,800
However,

903
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:50,200
remember the above principles and focus on honing your powers of observation,

904
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:54,760
and you’ll soon develop a knack for seeing and understanding even tiny

905
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,240
ripples and flutters of behavior you might have previously missed.

906
00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:02,560
We live in a world dominated by words and language.

907
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:05,760
But when you become a student of nonverbal communication,

908
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:10,000
it’s no exaggeration to say that you open yourself up to an entirely

909
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:10,360
different,

910
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,240
sometimes quite strange world.

911
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:21,360
The Human Body is a Whole—Read It that Way  Everyone has heard an offhand

912
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,600
statistic which sounds a little something like,

913
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:27,120
“Ninety percent of your communication is really nonverbal."

914
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:31,600
We imagine that communication is primarily a question of language,

915
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:32,520
symbols,

916
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:34,280
noises and sounds,

917
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:35,600
and images on a page,

918
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,160
whereas the person creating the language is a separate physical entity

919
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:41,120
occupying space.

920
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:42,160
But in reality,

921
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,800
the boundary between verbal and non-verbal,

922
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,480
medium and message,

923
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,360
is always a little blurred.

924
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,760
In the previous sections,

925
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:55,720
we’ve explicitly considered how a person can be “read” even beyond the

926
00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:58,800
content they are choosing to deliberately convey to you.

927
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,040
In other words,

928
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,880
you’re not just listening to the message they’re sending,

929
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:04,240
but listening to them,

930
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:08,480
as though their body itself were something to read and interpret.

931
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:13,840
In the discussion on detecting deceit or hidden true feelings,

932
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:19,760
we made an assumption - that what is inside a person will invariably manifest

933
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,120
itself somehow on the outside of a person.

934
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:27,880
This is because we instinctively understand that human beings are wholes,

935
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:28,680
i.e.,

936
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:32,840
the verbal and nonverbal are really just different aspects of the same thing.

937
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:37,720
What really is the distinction between the words and the lips that say them?

938
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:40,880
The body and the gesture that the body makes?

939
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:44,440
This may seem a little abstract,

940
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:49,320
but it turns out there’s now interesting research to back up the idea that

941
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:54,600
communication as a whole can be understood as a complete expression of a human

942
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:54,840
being.

943
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:56,440
First of all,

944
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:00,680
have you ever had a phone call with someone where you could instantly tell

945
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:02,320
whether they were smiling or not?

946
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:07,240
Call center managers will tell their staff that people can “hear smiles”

947
00:46:07,240 --> 00:46:07,800
over the phone,

948
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:11,400
but how do you suppose this is actually possible?

949
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:16,200
It makes sense when we consider that a voice is not an abstract symbol,

950
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:17,200
but a real,

951
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,000
physiological part of the human body.

952
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:25,560
Researcher at the Donders Institute of Radboud University Wim Pouw published

953
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:30,240
some interesting findings in the PNAS journal in 2020.

954
00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:35,880
He was interested in the topic we all seem to instinctively understand - that

955
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:40,360
hand gestures and facial expressions can help us better understand what is

956
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:46,240
being communicated—in fact at times a gesture can be fundamental to us

957
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:47,280
understanding the message.

958
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,080
In an experiment,

959
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:53,840
Pouw asked six people to make a simple noise (like “aaaaa”)

960
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:58,000
but to pair it with different arm and hand gestures as they spoke.

961
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:03,720
He then asked thirty other participants to listen to recordings of the sounds

962
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:04,080
only.

963
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,680
Surprisingly,

964
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,960
the participants were able to guess what the accompanying movements were and

965
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,080
even mimic them for themselves.

966
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:14,240
They could say what the movement was,

967
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:18,720
where it was performed and even how quickly the gesture was made!

968
00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:19,920
How?

969
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:25,640
Pouw’s theory is that people are able to unconsciously detect subtle but

970
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,560
important shifts in voice pitch and volume,

971
00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,400
as well as speed changes,

972
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,240
that accompany different gestures.

973
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,040
When you make a gesture,

974
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,320
your whole body gets involved,

975
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:37,800
including your voice.

976
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:39,560
In other words,

977
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,040
when you hear a voice,

978
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:45,320
you are hearing multiple aspects about that person’s body.

979
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,080
When speaking,

980
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:51,000
sound vibrates all through the connective tissues of your body,

981
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:55,280
but differences in muscle tension can arise if we are making gestures with

982
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,360
other parts of our body,

983
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:59,680
and we can hear these tiny adjustments in the voice.

984
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:04,560
The great thing about this particular skill is that you don’t necessarily

985
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:05,280
need to train it,

986
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,280
just become aware of it.

987
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:11,520
You probably never thought you could practice reading body language over the

988
00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:11,720
phone,

989
00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:17,080
but you can—if you understand that the voice is simply a part of a person’s

990
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:17,440
body!

991
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:23,200
Voice alone is an incredibly rich aspect of behavior to study.

992
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,360
When you hear someone from another room,

993
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,680
on a recording or over the phone,

994
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:31,160
close your eyes and imagine what their body is doing,

995
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,600
and what that posture or gesture might indicate.

996
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:39,080
You can undoubtedly hear age and sex through voice,

997
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:39,640
too,

998
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:44,040
but you can also infer something about a person’s ethnicity or nationality by

999
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,320
listening to their accent or vocabulary.

1000
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,520
Listen to the speed,

1001
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:49,440
timbre,

1002
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:50,160
volume,

1003
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,200
pitch and degree of control used.

1004
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,200
How is the person breathing?

1005
00:48:55,200 --> 00:49:00,840
How are their words and the way they’re saying those words reinforcing one

1006
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:01,360
another,

1007
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:03,640
or perhaps undermining one another?

1008
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:08,680
For example someone on the phone might be telling you how excited they are

1009
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:09,480
about something,

1010
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:14,440
but their slow and sluggish voice may suggest to you that they’re slouching

1011
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,560
and folded in on themselves—and greatly overstating their excitement.

1012
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:23,160
Thinking In Terms Of Message Clusters.

1013
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:29,440
Let’s shift our attention away from individual physical actions that may or

1014
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,200
not mean or suggest something else,

1015
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:35,840
and instead consider human behavior in terms of the overall message it

1016
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:37,080
communicates to others.

1017
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,160
If we are feeling hostile and aggressive,

1018
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:41,040
for example,

1019
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:44,720
this attitude and intention will show up in every area,

1020
00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:50,440
from our language to our actions to our facial expressions to our voice.

1021
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:55,960
Rather than trying to imagine what every possible manifestation of aggression

1022
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:56,400
looks like,

1023
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,160
we can focus on the aggression itself,

1024
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:02,600
and watch for resulting clusters of behavior.

1025
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:07,640
Aggression is understandably shown by confronting gestures,

1026
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:12,360
or those that move actively and energetically towards a target.

1027
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:13,880
Invasive,

1028
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:19,360
approaching gestures that move in on another person can signify an attempt to

1029
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:19,800
dominate,

1030
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:21,480
control or attack.

1031
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:22,480
Verbally,

1032
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,160
this could look like an insult or a jeer,

1033
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:28,280
physically it looks like standing too close,

1034
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:33,800
or even displaying or exposing oneself as if to demonstrate superior strength.

1035
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:37,040
Aggression is all about sudden,

1036
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:40,320
impactful and targeted gestures.

1037
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:46,440
It’s as though the entire body is clenched around a single pointed intention.

1038
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,080
Assertive body language,

1039
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:49,680
on the other hand,

1040
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,600
is as forceful but not so directed.

1041
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,480
This is a person standing their ground,

1042
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:56,200
i.e.,

1043
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:57,200
being firm,

1044
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:58,120
balanced,

1045
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:02,720
smooth and open in expression of a confidently held desire.

1046
00:51:02,720 --> 00:51:05,040
The aggressive person may yell,

1047
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:09,560
whereas an assertive one may simply state their business with a kind of

1048
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:12,160
muscular certainty that can be heard in the voice.

1049
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:18,760
Submissive body language is the complement—look for “lowering,”

1050
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,520
self-protective gestures that make the person seems smaller,

1051
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:23,800
with small,

1052
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,400
appeasing gestures like smiling excessively,

1053
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:27,720
being motionless,

1054
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:29,040
speaking quietly,

1055
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:34,200
turning the eyes downward or assuming a vulnerable or non-threatening stance.

1056
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:38,240
This is different from being genuinely open and receptive.

1057
00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:39,400
Relaxed,

1058
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:44,320
friendly people will signal looseness—open and uncrossed arms and legs,

1059
00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:46,200
unguarded facial expressions,

1060
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:47,280
easy speech,

1061
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:52,920
or even loosening or removing outer layers of clothing to show informality.

1062
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:56,640
This is a little like romantic body language,

1063
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:00,560
except someone who is sexually interested will also behave in ways that

1064
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,760
emphasize intimacy.

1065
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:07,080
The focus will be on sensuality (touching the other person or the self,

1066
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:07,840
preening,

1067
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:08,400
stroking,

1068
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:09,520
slowing down,

1069
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:10,960
warm smiles)

1070
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,960
and connection (prolonged eye contact,

1071
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:14,960
questions,

1072
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:15,840
agreement,

1073
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:16,760
mirroring).

1074
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:22,240
The overwhelming perception is that of an invitation to close distance.

1075
00:52:22,240 --> 00:52:27,720
Deceptive body language is anything that is characterized by a sense of tension.

1076
00:52:27,720 --> 00:52:33,800
Deceit is the existence of two conflicting things—for example someone

1077
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,600
believes one thing but says another.

1078
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:39,280
Look for the tension that such a disparity creates.

1079
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,680
You want to look for anxiety,

1080
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,280
closed body language,

1081
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:46,080
and a sense of distractedness (after all,

1082
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,880
they are processing extra data they don’t want to reveal to you!).

1083
00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:53,720
Look for someone who appears to be trying hard to control themselves,

1084
00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:55,480
with an anxious effect.

1085
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:59,600
By looking at intentions behind overall communication,

1086
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,200
we can start to read the body as a whole.

1087
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:06,520
This makes it easier to gather multiple data points more quickly,

1088
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:11,840
and find patterns of behavior rather than inferring too much from just a single

1089
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:13,040
gesture or expression.

1090
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:17,760
Consider the entire human body—the limbs,

1091
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:18,560
the face,

1092
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:19,120
the voice,

1093
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:19,920
the posture,

1094
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:20,640
the torso,

1095
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:21,880
the clothing,

1096
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:22,640
the hair,

1097
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:24,240
the hands and fingers,

1098
00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:25,520
everything.

1099
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:29,160
Can you see a cluster of closed off,

1100
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:30,880
defensive gestures?

1101
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,200
Is someone trying to display power,

1102
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,880
strength and dominance?

1103
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:37,160
Or are they just confident?

1104
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,680
Is the person in front of you trying to show that they are trustworthy,

1105
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:45,840
or that they have a truly valuable thing to sell you (salesman’s body

1106
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:46,240
language)

1107
00:53:46,240 --> 00:53:49,120
or that they are greeting you with openness and respect?

1108
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:51,720
In very general terms,

1109
00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:56,960
look for the following whole body patterns -  Crossing,

1110
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,240
closing in,

1111
00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:01,080
or shutting off – could signal guardedness,

1112
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:02,080
suspicion,

1113
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:03,120
shyness

1114
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:04,880
•Expanding,

1115
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:05,760
opening,

1116
00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:08,280
loosening – signals friendliness,

1117
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:09,240
comfort,

1118
00:54:09,240 --> 00:54:09,880
trust,

1119
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:11,200
relaxation

1120
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:12,760
•Forward,

1121
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:13,520
pointed,

1122
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,040
directed – may speak to dominance,

1123
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:16,680
control,

1124
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:17,840
persuasiveness

1125
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:19,360
•Preening,

1126
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:20,000
touching,

1127
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,560
stroking – shows romantic intentions

1128
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:23,720
•Striking,

1129
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:24,800
abruptness,

1130
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:25,360
force,

1131
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,760
loudness – signal energy or violence,

1132
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:30,080
sometimes fear

1133
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:31,920
•Repeating,

1134
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:32,920
agreement,

1135
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,520
mirroring – shows respect,

1136
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:36,360
friendliness,

1137
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,640
admiration,

1138
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:38,560
submission

1139
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,720
•In an even broader sense,

1140
00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:45,800
look at overall behavior and communication as an expression of

1141
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,560
holding—holding on to,

1142
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:49,600
holding in,

1143
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:50,760
holding up,

1144
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:51,920
holding back,

1145
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,560
failing to hold,

1146
00:54:53,560 --> 00:54:54,800
holding tightly,

1147
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:55,560
etc.

1148
00:54:55,560 --> 00:55:01,640
If you meet someone whose entire being seems to be an expression of force and

1149
00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:03,400
control (holding onto),

1150
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,400
you can take your interpretation of them from here,

1151
00:55:06,400 --> 00:55:11,400
and better understand all the smaller data points—the hand wringing,

1152
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,480
the tightened and pursed lips,

1153
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:14,520
the furrowed brow,

1154
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,840
the shallow breathing that seems to strangle the voice,

1155
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,160
the high pitched tone,

1156
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:20,320
the rapid blinking .

1157
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,000
•Their body is sending you one clear,

1158
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:25,880
uniform message - one of tension.

1159
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:30,880
There’s something big going on that they’re trying hard to keep under wraps.

1160
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:35,840
Further context clues could tell you whether this is an uncomfortable

1161
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:36,360
admission,

1162
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:37,280
a lie,

1163
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:40,880
or simply something they’re embarrassed about sharing with you.

1164
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:43,440
•Wrapping up,

1165
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:47,920
how can we read and analyze people just through sight and observation?

1166
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:53,320
We have covered two primary aspects - facial expressions and body language.

1167
00:55:53,320 --> 00:55:58,280
It’s important to note that though many aspects have been scientifically

1168
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,880
proven (with physiological origins),

1169
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:04,640
we can’t say that simple observations are foolproof.

1170
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:09,280
It can never be definitive because there are too many external factors to take

1171
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:09,840
into account.

1172
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:15,560
But we can better understand what typical things to look for and what we can

1173
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:16,360
glean from them.

1174
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:22,440
•We use two types of facial expressions - micro- and macroexpressions.

1175
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,120
Macroexpressions are larger,

1176
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:25,920
slower,

1177
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,200
and more obvious.

1178
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:31,160
They are also routinely faked and consciously created.

1179
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:36,520
Microexpressions are the opposite of all of those things - incredibly quick,

1180
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:38,360
almost unperceivable,

1181
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:39,880
and unconscious.

1182
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:45,520
Psychologist Paul Ekman identified a host of microexpressions for each of the

1183
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:50,880
six basic emotions and in particular has also identified microexpressions to

1184
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:51,760
indicate nervousness,

1185
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:52,720
lying,

1186
00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:54,040
or deception.

1187
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:59,840
•Body language has a much broader range of possible interpretations.

1188
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:00,960
Generally,

1189
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,320
a relaxed body takes up space,

1190
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:09,160
while an anxious body contracts and wants to conceal and comfort itself.

1191
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:12,320
There are too many specifics to list individually,

1192
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:18,480
but just keep in mind that the only true way to analyze body language is to

1193
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:22,600
first know exactly what someone is like when they are normal – and then

1194
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:24,320
compare back to that baseline.

1195
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:26,920
•To put everything together,

1196
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,600
we need to read the body as a whole,

1197
00:57:29,600 --> 00:57:34,600
and look for general clusters of behavior that work together to communicate a

1198
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:36,200
unified message.

1199
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:40,240
The voice can be read like other body language.

1200
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:45,720
Look for signs or cues that are incongruent and don’t mesh well with the

1201
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:46,960
other cues they’re giving,

1202
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:51,200
this might reveal that the other person is trying to hide something if you can

1203
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:53,720
notice other cues that reaffirm this conclusion.

1204
00:57:53,720 --> 00:57:54,960
However,

1205
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:55,960
as always,

1206
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:59,360
the signs you’ve picked up on could well be meaningless,

1207
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:02,320
so make sure you have enough data to support them.

1208
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:07,920
•People who have mastered the art of observation are like detectives,

1209
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:14,000
simultaneously gathering as much data as possible that they then constantly

1210
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:14,720
sift through,

1211
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:15,880
looking for broad,

1212
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:19,800
overall patterns that explain the whole picture in front of them.

1213
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:26,840
People are complex and constantly shifting and responding to their environment.

1214
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:30,760
But if you take the time to pay attention to how they engage with that

1215
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:34,840
environment – in all ways – you may surprise yourself with what you can

1216
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:35,200
learn.

1217
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:36,960
In the next chapter,

1218
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,720
we’ll be looking at ways to not just observe behavior,

1219
00:58:39,720 --> 00:58:45,160
but to actively influence it using the power of targeted questions.

1220
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:48,160
•Takeaways

1221
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:54,280
•It’s possible to extract loads of useful information from people merely by

1222
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,320
using the power of observation.

1223
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:57,760
•First,

1224
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,160
observe the face,

1225
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:00,240
tiny,

1226
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:04,400
quick and involuntary movements of the face can “leak” a person’s true

1227
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:07,720
emotions – there are six universal ones - anger,

1228
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:08,520
fear,

1229
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:10,160
surprise,

1230
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:11,040
disgust,

1231
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:12,320
happiness.

1232
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:17,240
Look for microexpressions that contradict what is said verbally.

1233
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:23,440
•Ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro has some tips for reading body language,

1234
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:27,080
and they come from an understanding that body language is inbuilt,

1235
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:29,360
automatic and ancient,

1236
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:30,880
and based on fight,

1237
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,280
flight or freeze response in humans.

1238
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:34,840
For examples,

1239
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:39,520
“pacifying behaviors” like   • covering the neck can indicate the person

1240
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:40,640
is trying to manage stress.

1241
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,720
•Note how the body is occupying space,

1242
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:46,960
and whether it is generally closed or open.

1243
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:52,000
Posture and gesture can tell you about whether a person is assertive,

1244
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:52,960
aggressive,

1245
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,400
uncertain or fearful.

1246
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:59,040
Bodies expand when they are comfortable,

1247
00:59:59,040 --> 00:59:59,360
happy,

1248
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:00,920
or dominant.

1249
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:02,760
They contract when unhappy,

1250
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:03,760
fearful,

1251
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,160
or threatened.

1252
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:10,120
•Body language signals cannot be interpreted in isolation.

1253
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:11,040
Rather,

1254
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:15,560
first seek a baseline of behavior to help interpret a particular new

1255
01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:21,000
observation – a baseline helps you identify incongruent behavior and spot a

1256
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:21,560
deception.

1257
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:23,720
•Look for mirroring,

1258
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:25,880
pay attention to overall energy,

1259
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:28,280
and remember that body language is dynamic,

1260
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:31,800
so you need to gather as much data as possible.

1261
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:37,120
Then consider this data in context of history and the current environment.

1262
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:41,520
•The voice is a part of the human body and speed,

1263
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:42,320
timbre,

1264
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:42,920
volume,

1265
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:43,360
pitch,

1266
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:46,960
and degree of control can signify emotional state.

1267
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:49,360
The body is a whole,

1268
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:52,120
with verbal and nonverbal mingling together.

1269
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:57,960
•Reading “message clusters” helps us organize isolated observations,

1270
01:00:57,960 --> 01:00:59,840
and note whether they are aggressive,

1271
01:00:59,840 --> 01:01:00,760
romantic,

1272
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:01,680
assertive,

1273
01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:03,560
deceptive ad so on,

1274
01:01:03,560 --> 01:01:05,040
in aggregate.

1275
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:09,400
This has been

1276
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,440
How to Extract Info,

1277
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:12,200
Secrets,

1278
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:12,840
and Truth:

1279
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:23,040
Make People Reveal Their True Thoughts and Intentions Without Them Even Knowing It (How to be More Likable and Charismatic Book 12) Written by

1280
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:29,960
Patrick King,  narrated by russell newton.