Everybody's got an opinion.

Every Californian and Virginian.

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.

Someone's gotta settle.

The Score.

Trey, and Chelsey will help you choose who's win, which one.

Hello.

Well, hello and welcome for the 200th time to Review That Review.

We, for the 200th time are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing

reviews.

Oh my goodness.

That's Chelsey Donn, and that is Trey Gerrald.

But together you can call us the review queens.

Wow.

Here at Review That Review.

We believe in balance the good, the bad, and the kvetchy.

So it's only fair, right.

Trey, that we take a moment it out.

Okay.

Release it.

Would you like to Lodge A Complaint?

Why?

Yes, I would.

Okay.

In honor of the 200th episode, Chelsey and I decided to dress nicely.

We haven't done this since I think our very first, um, new

Year's episode when we dress Nice.

Um, yes, but in honor of dressing up, I, you know, I feel like dressing up

is something that has sort of gone away in culture, which Sure, whatever.

But, um, because I live in close proximity to Broadway, I love

going to Broadway and people.

Straight up be wearing sweatpants to Broadway.

Now, I understand that this can go into two ways now.

Maybe the arts shouldn't be so expensive and maybe there is something

to be said about access for all.

That's a different conversation.

I'm not even talking about dress codes.

But we now are at a place where like if you're wearing sweatpants

or you're wearing like those black Adidas like workout pants that

have the two white stripes on the side, no one's gonna blink at you.

They're gonna let you in.

Like it's fine.

No.

Okay.

That's something completely different.

My complaint today, especially when it's wintry time and everyone has

coats and scarves and accoutrement, and they drape them over the back.

Of their chair.

Now we all know, we've talked about this.

Broadway theaters were built hundreds of years ago when the average size

of a human was 60% what it is today.

Alright, so everyone's already crammed and, and smushed your kneecaps or

touching the seat that's in front of you.

It's worse than being in the back of a Honda Civic like.

People then drape their big puffy mother down coats over the back, and

then I have a hood that's literally tickling my nose the entire show.

It's like I don't understand the lack of awareness that when you drape your coat

over the chair, you are then infringing on my personal space that I've paid $300 for.

Mm-hmm.

To sit and watch a show.

And then when you're like.

When you get the gall to say, I'm sorry, um, can you put your coat like under your

seat or can you like do something else?

Can you pay the $2 to coat check it?

Can you just put it in your lap?

Can you do anything other than draping it so that it is literally tickling my face?

They get mad at you.

I, I, I don't understand.

I understand not wanting to put your coat on the ground, but like I don't

put my winter coat in my bed with me.

I know that that is gross and dirty.

So when I go to a show, I ball it up out of consideration and I put it in the seat

under me 'cause I don't want it in my lap.

Mm-hmm.

And then I don't do delicate things with my coat.

I don't wear my coat when I'm in my car.

So my complaint is.

The lack of spatial awareness in theaters.

They could be a movie theater too, 'cause those seats now are

like lazboy and they're giant.

If you put your coat over that chair, I can't see the screen.

Like no one has any awareness of their neighbors in close proximity.

That is my complaint.

The next time you were in ENC, closed quarters in a place where you paid

upwards of 150, let's be real, up to $400 to see a Broadway show.

Don't put your coat over the back of your chair.

It's insane.

You're an insane person.

That's my complaint.

I hear you try.

Wow.

That's a good complaint.

I think people only understand this rule on airplanes 'cause

of that seat back table.

Yes.

You know, we

get it.

That area.

My area, my area.

But people do it, it still,

people will still, still do it on airplanes, old ladies.

They will drape their coat over their chair.

Oh.

I'm like, are you, are you out?

If you're,

no, you've lost it at that point.

No.

You've lost the plot.

You've lost the plot.

YII have no defense for you.

I have no defense.

It's, it's not defensible.

Anyway, thank you

for letting me fetch that out.

Thank you.

Good

fetch tray.

Very good.

Very relatable.

I feel you on all the counts.

All right.

I think I need a drink.

I feel like a little bit like, I don't know.

Re we gotta lighten the mood here.

I think we, we gotta, we gotta pop some bottles.

What do you think?

Well, it's good.

You have real, I mean, I didn't

even open my bottle yet because you know why I tried to do it

subtly off camera.

I have Canada dry.

I'm

Oh, you, oh, you're not doing champagne.

But now I wish I actually had real

champagne.

'cause we have a long day recording today.

I,

yeah, this is, this was part of the arrangement.

I need you drunk.

Well, here we go.

I want you all to hear the beautiful bubbles.

Oh.

Oh no.

I thought I would

pray.

Don't hurt, don't hurt yourself.

Okay, I'm going right for the source.

Okay.

I just put a straw.

Uh, she clearly didn't practice that.

She's spilling out.

Do you need to pause?

Just clean it or you'll deal with it?

I brought paper towels.

Oh, she's prepared.

Cheers.

Tray.

Beautiful.

Cheers.

200 years.

200 years.

200 episodes.

Feels like 200 years.

That first year of episodes, I think are our episodes Felt like a year long.

That day.

Those hour long

episodes.

Hour and a half.

That's right.

We've come a long way my friend.

Toast.

It's so

amazing to be here with you.

I love you.

Love you toast.

Cheers to as many more episodes as we, we got in us, and we love you, Queens.

Thank you for being here with us.

Thank you for being a part of this celebration.

Thank you for continuing to listen and watch after 200 episodes.

I, I love you so much.

I'm so grateful for you.

Yes, this has been a wonderful adventure.

If you're listening or watching, raise a Glass.

Yes.

Here's to those we love, here's to those we hate.

Here's to sitting around and never procrast to painting.

Painting.

I don't know.

I was gonna try to be clever.

Yes, Chelsey, I like you and I, yes, have done something

consistently for 200 episodes.

That's right.

200

times.

We've co consistently more than that.

'cause we, we have bonus episodes.

We had a whole separate series of Christmas e extras.

We've done an entire series of the after show.

That's another 179 episodes we've done.

It's insane.

I am acknowledging you for showing up and doing, I'm acknowledging us

for stick, stick with itness ness and, um, and that as you pointed

out also to the audience that's, uh.

Shared in the journey with us.

We love you all.

Cheers.

We love you so much, Queens.

Cheers to the Royal squad.

Cheers to you.

Thank you.

Love you.

I'm drinking right outta the bottle.

That one was better.

I'm gonna get so drunk.

I'm gonna be wasted.

I, I committed to drinking this entire spliff.

This doesn't taste good.

I think it's like airplane size.

I feel like this is what they give you on an airplane.

You also drink Canada dry in an airplane.

I'm not leading the witness.

I'm just saying

is Ginger ale usually caffeine-free?

Is that like a thing?

I don't know this, is that a thing?

I think so.

I bought these when I had strap, uh, and I didn't realize they were I And now

you're addicted to them mini bottles?

No, I think they're disgusting.

I only had one.

Oh, I'm obsessed

with them.

I love the mini ginger bottles.

It's, I like the mini cans step away, but I don't like mini can like

the taste of this.

Maybe I like schlep Schwepps better.

Oh, could

be.

All right.

Should we jump into an online review now that we've Cheers?

Oh my God.

Let's do it.

Okay.

But wait.

Before we put the cart before the horse?

Yes.

If you are loving the show, I. Do not forget to hit that subscribe button.

It is for free and it helps us.

Don't you wanna help us?

And it keeps all of these 200 plus reviews coming.

Let's do more.

Hit subscribe,

please.

Ah, yeah, subscribe.

We love hearing from you.

Drop a comment below.

Let us know what's making you laugh, gasp, or say, oh no, no, that's week.

Just do it.

Just do it whenever you get a chance.

Okay?

Thank you, Queens.

Now speaking of.

Let's Review That.

Review.

Alright.

As your trustee review Queens, we bring in reviews for the 200th time

that we feel need to be inspected.

We're gonna read you that review.

We're gonna break it down and then rate the impact of said review on

a scale from zero to five crowns.

It's a very regal process that we call

Assess That Kvetch

and Chelsey.

Mm-hmm.

You are a 200th episode.

What have you got?

Okay.

Trey, I knew for this one, our 200th episode.

I needed to go big.

I needed to do something that was truly iconic.

Okay.

A review.

So legendary, so viral.

That's been, that it has been shared.

Okay, debated and mentioned for over a decade.

I almost wanted to give you the opportunity to guess what it is.

Maybe, I don't know.

There's a product that reigns Supreme in the Hall of Fame of Amazon reviews.

It's a very simple product, but it's powerful.

It's inspired Epic tales, fake lawsuits, and government level intrigue.

Any ideas?

Trey, you only spent 200 episodes.

Reading Amazon reviews and we've never done this, which is kind of shocking and

has been brought to my attention before.

Any guesses?

Leave a comment if you have a guess right now.

Actually, you'll probably see this, but no guesses.

Try.

Is it the milk?

I know milk went viral.

Lawsuits.

I don't know what.

It's

not milk.

It is the 5 7 1 Banana slicer.

The banana slicer.

The banana slicer really like popped off the entire world of like Buzzfeed

looking at reviews like this banana slice.

I haven't even gone in there, you guys, 'cause it's too much of a minefield.

Okay?

It's 11.25 inches.

It's a piece of plastic that's captivated the internet somehow for over a decade

with its ability to perfectly cut.

Bananas.

The product has an average rating of 4.4 stars.

There are over 71,000 reviews, okay?

Oh, and it's currently listed as $6 and 51 cents on Amazon, so I had to

scour hundreds of unhinged reviews.

I landed on this one.

I thought it was interesting.

Okay, so buckle up Royal Squad because today we're diving into

a five star review titled much, much more than it seems by wham,

wham.

By Wham, like the band isn't there?

Band, wham.

Yeah, I

was gonna say that, but I don't know what they sing.

Yeah, but this is by wham damn

it all started innocently enough in high school.

Oh no.

Some people thought little Billy Epstein and I were gay.

But we really took home ed class because that was where all the chicks were.

We learned a lot in that class about life, our sexuality,

pubescent females, and food prep.

Our teacher ed ban appeal was very competitive.

What we sliced.

And we diced into all hours of the night practicing and hoping

that we could all get full ride scholarships onto culinary schools.

Ban appeal was certain that would elevate his program higher than the football

and basketball programs combined.

He needed to find a competitive edge and one day founded on Amazon,

the Hustler 5 7 1 Banana Slicer.

It was faster than anything we had seen before and cleanup was a breeze.

However, the hustler 5 7 1 is so much more being adolescent males.

We decided to snook a hustler 5 7, 1 out of the school.

To spend more time with it and realize its full potential.

We found ourselves in the home ec room at the precise moment when BAP peel's morning

coffee kicked in and he made a beeline to the bathroom to lighten his load.

Oh my god.

Little Billy grabbed the hustler 5 7 1 and jammed it down his pants in a flash.

We tried to make our way to the doorway without anybody noticing us, but.

Little Billy caught the attention of every girl in the

class, if you know what I mean.

As soon as we hit the hallway, we were off and running.

We knew we would get in trouble for skipping school, but we didn't care.

We had the Hustler 5 7 1, and it was ours.

We made it all the way to little Billy's house.

We knew we were safe there because his parents both worked during the day.

His mom was a a slinky tester and his dad licked envelopes for publisher's clearing

house sweepstakes and all the excitement.

After we arrived at his house, little Billy pulled the hustler.

5 7 1. Out of his pants and little too quickly, he's now a eunuch,

but our story doesn't

end there.

We buried the LER 5 7 1 in little Billy's backyard to avoid suspicion to.

However, we had to keep bearing it because several dogs and a raccoon kept digging

it back up with all the blood on it.

After little Billy had finally healed, we decided to see what

the Hustler 5 7 1 could do.

After all.

We never got the chance before due to little Billy's misfortune.

As little Billy was lifting it from the ground.

The dogs were all over it, so I grabbed it and threw it just like

a boomerang with amazing accuracy.

It went out about a hundred yards.

And it made a perfect turn and trajectory right back to my hand.

Oh my God.

I had to move.

It was just there.

Little Billy was awestruck.

He, he tried to do the same thing but failed miserably.

Like most paper airplanes he made in his lifetime not wanting him to feel bad.

I told him that maybe we could play catch with it and use it like

a Frisbee instead of a boomerang.

Poor little Billy lost two fingers that day.

Oh, come on.

He was a good sport about it, but never picked up another hustler.

5, 7 1. So I finally had the hustler, 5 71, all to myself.

I took it out and continued using it like a boomerang, and found my

accuracy improving exponentially.

I started.

Taking out pigeons in mid-flight and progressed to bats a dusk.

I was getting the attention of everyone on the neighborhood

and crowds started forming to watch me use my new honed skills.

The crowds grew and grew even larger.

At first, I was surprised to see the College Scouts, but I was more impressed

to learn that the hustler was after me to found its very own hustler.

5 7 1 Boomerang Leak.

It was when the Secret Service showed up that I started to get scared.

I was afraid that old.

Fan appeal was finally onto me and had figured out I had pinched the hustler.

5 7 1. This wasn't it at all.

They wanted to go skeet shooting with Barack Obama.

Don't tell the potus, but he never hit a clay pigeon to save his life.

It was really me and my hustler.

5 7 1 hiding off in the woods.

Wham.

Why did, why did they start this by saying people thought they were gay?

I knew that we were gonna talk about that.

It was because they were taking home ec with ban, with ban

appeal, which sounds a lot.

Banana Peel.

Did you take home?

We, everybody had to take it.

We had to build a pillow.

Which I think Bertha, shout out to Bertha, my housekeeper helped me make that pillow.

Okay.

Well we did not have to take it in the South.

It was an elective and they changed the name to Consumer Science Careers to try to

get more males to sign up for the class.

Really?

So that what it was like, you know, in the early two thousands in South Carolina, um.

Obviously this is, this review was written by the way, in 2013, April 7th, 2013.

'cause Obama,

that's a whole nother conversation.

Um, yeah, yeah.

Obviously this is a joke review and like this is insane 'cause I

can't imagine anyone being a good sport about losing two fingers.

Right.

Yeah.

No, I mean

the, the entire, the entire review section of this product

has just become a pissing war.

Yeah.

For who can have the more ridiculous story.

Well, and I think it's, you

have to think about this as like fan fiction almost.

Anytime you bring up the Secret Service, you know, it's a fake review, right?

Because like.

If the secret service comes for you, it's a secret.

Um, okay.

Right, sure.

But the most ridiculous part of this review is when they say that they

put the banana peeler in their pants and then caught the attention of

every girl, if you know what I mean.

Okay.

Can we stop this weird.

Made up story that women ale men the way that men ale women, like women.

Don't give a bleep about your bulge.

They don't give a crap about penis size.

Sure.

Everyone like I would

look if there was like a very big bulge happening.

Okay.

Well, all right, so you're a woman, so you, you just dismantled my

thing, but it's like it real, I hear

you.

Like, it's like the, the polite presumption of it all.

People like men care about that stuff, so they assume that women

assign value to a giant bulge.

Right, right.

I don't know.

Wham, I feel like this was really lengthy girl.

Yeah.

Um.

This was

not even close to the longest

I believe it.

Like

I, I knew it was long, but guys, there were some other reviews

that were just like, they, they beyond exceeded the word count.

I.

I mean, as far as valuable, new, unique information here, I would've never

considered using it as a boomerang.

I am not sure that aerodynamically it would actually function.

I don't know.

I have never purchased this actual product.

I wonder if it is sharp enough to actually like slice off your fingers.

It's, it's definitely, this is like longer than a novella spelling, grammar.

It's a novel.

It's pretty on point, right?

Yeah, it's fine.

It's good.

Truthful, shady.

I mean, this whole product has become, like

this whole product has become a joke, which is why I am like, it's a

landing page.

Like, all right, so this is like, let's just say this is way I'm

coming to an open mic night.

Since it's hard to go through the rest of our like points about them because

like do we think that he's funny?

Like are, or they're funny?

Do we think that we're happy that they brought this story to the narrative?

I mean, I. Little Billy, you know, the weird gay comments

licking envelopes for publishers', greenhouse making envelopes.

I mean, that was an interesting detail.

I mean like, like, okay, sure.

You know, that, um, growing up there was like a local newspaper and they would

do mailers and every now and then my mom would go and get tons of envelope

envelopes and, and like labels and we would label them and it was really fun.

Um.

As like a

job.

She did that.

Yeah.

It was like we would do it like together.

Um, yeah, but you wet a sponge.

'cause otherwise if you a sponge hundred, you, I mean, I

did fan mail for a little bit.

I know that's You wet a sponge.

That's right.

Um, you

don't want those paper cuts.

None.

Um, I didn't think it was very funny.

Like I, I feel like it's

a specific, it did much, much

more than it seems.

It's like a specific humor.

Like after his cup of Joe, he had to lighten his load.

You know, it's like broy humor.

It's broy.

Yeah, I agree.

Um, which you and I are not the audience.

We're not the right

audience for the bro.

But do I think it's a creative take?

Sure.

If I was a creative writing teacher, great.

You have, you took us on a journey.

Am I putting it on the fridge?

I don't think a grandma is gonna like, I

don't think grandma wants this on the fridge.

I don't think that, I think it's a little bit scary.

It's like a horror story.

We have someone like becoming a eunuch.

What's a

eunuch one ball?

Oh, oh.

I mean,

yeah, there's a lot of that kind of humor happening in this review.

What, um, but this is a good example of what's out there and it's sort of

why, like, I haven't done it before because Trey and I like to really

review reviewers that are like super.

Valuable.

Not valuable.

That sounds wrong, but you know what I mean, like super, like informative.

Yeah.

And these are definitely more jokes, but I thought it was

interesting to bring one of these in.

But that's my question is like no harm, no foul.

Like it's a banana peeler that's a jokey kind of like product.

Like we can all just cut a, you can cut a banana by your hands,

like you can just bend it in half.

Um, and it's like $6.

So like is there any like.

Anything wrong with this becoming like a joke landing page?

Like,

I mean, I'm sure that banana Peel slice slicer benefited from the

fact that they went so viral.

So let's think about that when we go into the crowning and consider all of that.

I think I'm ready to crown.

Are you.

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards.

And in an effort to be fair and not banana influenced by one another, we

will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

The

Queens are Tabulating,

so to school.

Okay, Trey's holding up two crowns.

I'm holding up three crowns.

Trey, you go first.

Why?

Two crowns for wha.

I just found it to be a little meandering.

I said two because like, at least it was like an original take.

Um, wham does mention skipping school.

Yeah.

And there was nothing more titillating than like skipping school.

Oh,

yeah.

Um,

not that I ever did it.

I never did it.

I never, I never did.

The idea

yeah's.

Not as bad.

The

idea of it felt really intimidating.

Oh my God.

One time I skipped class and I waved at my teacher.

Idiot.

Oh God.

Um, so I said two crowns.

'cause it's like, is this an earth shaking review?

Not necessarily, but it was clean humor.

It went there, it was broey, whatever.

So no harm to foul.

Two crowns.

Why'd you say three crowns?

I.

I guess I said three because we made the effort to like

really create a narrative here.

Mm-hmm.

And we threw our hat in the ring for like wanting to be most liked on

this form of reviews, which I don't think that I would vote for this

review as like the best review ever.

But also I think it did get eyes on the product.

So like we were saying, no harm, no foul, three crowns.

Nice.

Yeah, aren't you glad I didn't

say banana?

Oh, I am glad, but I did.

Alright, queen, we've aired our grievances.

We've inspected a review, so now let's shed a light on something

truly deserving of a crown.

We have reached the most regal portion of our show.

Who are you inducting for?

My royal line is

All right, well call back to you unintentionally mentioning the sparkles,

but today very simply, I must induct.

These obnoxious rhinestones.

Oh my god.

Water tumblers just so fitting for today that we're so shiny, but oh,

we are so shiny.

So these have taken over on TikTok, like where I'm a little late to the theme.

So much so that you can buy this for $20 at CVS.

But um, these are, but like these are cheap.

I know, 'cause I understand drag, but these are like very cheap rhinestones.

But you can buy on Etsy like.

$700. Oh my God.

Like Stanley hand rhinestone tumblers.

But I saw this at CVS and I was like.

You are like, that'll do.

I'm like, I'm gonna get, and they only had the green one, but I was

like, I'm gonna get this just to blind Chelsey and all of our viewers because

I think it's so funny and I, wow.

I didn't even actually drink it, but I had a prop, regular water

glass so that I wouldn't reveal my, uh, Royal Highness too early.

Oh wow.

Try.

But now I'm inducting.

Here we go on our 200th episode, my brand new.

Rhinestone Water Tumblr.

That's gonna live at my desk and I'm only gonna use it when I'm recording the show.

So for that reason, obnoxious Rhinestone, water tumblers are My Royal Highness.

Get into it.

Woo.

Well, after 200 episodes, if there's anything that's important to us at

Review That Review, it's hydration.

That's very true.

Well, we did it, queen.

The Good, the bad, and the Kvetchy.

It's another round on the, are you a RQ Ferris Wheel of.

Doing something, committing to it, sticking the landing, not giving up,

pivoting, and doing it with a friend.

That's right.

And slice of bananas along the way.

Thank you for joining us today.

If you like what you heard, please tell a friend

and if you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy.

On this week's after show pod Chelsey and I are going to be rating

and reviewing a three star Amazon.

We're sticking to Amazon Review for a portable hand steamer.

Things are gonna get spicy.

Wow.

And I wonder why this was said.

Okay, so bananas technically contain radiation you guys, but it's

totally harmless unless you somehow eat 10 million bananas at once.

How do they know this?

At that point, radiation isn't the problem.

It's everything else that's gonna happen to your body from eating

that many and paying you bananas.

I wonder that as well.

But please, Queens remember.

Ignore the haters.

You're a queen

gendered on specific Sparkle.

200 Queens.

That's right.

Love you.

Love y'all.

Bye.

Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show.

Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon member at Review

That Review dot com slash patreon.

Follow us on all the socials at the Review Queen and join our mailing

list at Review That Review dot com.

Our kvetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

You never visit, you never write.

Give us a call now.

Well, hey Queens.

Oh my goodness.

What fun.

I was putting on some besty bomb.

Love my besty.

I have some Besty bomb by Trixie Cosmetic.

Shout out to Trixie.

We love you guys and, um, love you.

Make sure that you join us on Friday for the after show because Chelsey has

created a never before existed Banana game that we didn't That's right.

Didn't time for on the main show.

So you gotta join Patreon so that you can play the game with us.

You can do that at.

Review That.

Review dot com slash patreon.

That's right.

Review That.

Review dot com slash patreon.

Come over, go bananas with us.

Go bananas.

That it go bananas.

Let

Bye.

Thanks for watching Queens.

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