I apologize for the judgmental piece, because that's the part that I didn't see. I did recognize that communication and not being 100 percent present. I, I wasn't there. I can't take it back. And so I need to apologize to both of you for sure for that part. I really, the true apology come from not seeing the judgmental piece. That was something that you held on to. I am grateful that we can be open and have these conversations Every daughter is a story waiting to be told. Every mother is a chapter already written. Welcome to the Mother Daughter Relationship Show, where we explore the most complex, beautiful, and sometimes challenging and painful bond between mothers and daughters. I'm your host, Brittany Scott, and each week we'll dive deep into these relationships. From navigating teenage years to building adult friendships. From healing generational wounds to celebrating shared triumphs. We're here to share, learn, and grow together. Join us as we talk with real mothers and daughters, expert therapists and coaches, and thought leaders who help us understand this unique connection that shape who we are. Whether you're a mother seeking to understand, a daughter looking for perspective, or someone who wants to strengthen this precious bond, this is your safe space. hi, it's Brittney, the host of the Mother Daughter Relationship Show. Welcome back And this episode, I got to interview my mom and it's more of a conversation. You guys will hear it and can decide for yourself, but we talk about generational cycles that have been passed down. We talk about what she wanted for her children. We talk about where she feels like she maybe. Made some mistakes or fell short. And we also talk about where she feels like she got it right. So this is just a candid conversation with my mom talking about mother wounds. When I asked her to do this, she was visiting. So we did record this in person sitting in the same room together. And I think there were times where she thought that I was judging her a little bit. So you might hear some of that in there. I had to tell her I wasn't. She hasn't gotten to experience me as a therapist, of course, because I would never do therapy on my mom or like with my mom. And so at times where I was quiet and just looking at her and just letting silence fill the space, she's not used to that interaction. Because that's not how I interact on a day to day of letting silence Do some of the work like I do in therapy. And so I think she even called it out She said that I was judging her. But what I was doing was letting silence fill the space. I was not intentionally Judging her in that moment. Also when I asked her to do this with me, she Started taking notes in her phone and I saw her And I asked her, what is she doing? And she said, she's taking notes. And I was like, can I read your notes? And she wouldn't let me read them. And basically was telling me to leave her alone and let her take her notes. But I didn't want her to take notes because I wanted this to be just an on the spot conversation But that made her uncomfortable to do that. She wanted some talking points. She wanted to really think her answers through and Have them fully thought out versus answering on the spot So understood, but I think that was another area where I made her a little bit uncomfortable. So when we start this Interview I jump right into her notes So you guys will hear that when the interview starts, we start right there with me telling her that I want to know what some of her notes were and why she was writing notes, because I really wanted this to be an in the moment thing. But anyway, without further ado, here is a interview or conversation that I was privileged to have with my mom. Okay. I want to know what some of your notes were. Am I going to tell you? Why not? I was just thinking about some things that I probably would change. And I just wanted to make sure I had some time to really think about that and reflect on them. Instead of just in a few minutes, coming up with something If we're really truly having a conversation, I want to spend some time really thinking What those things truly are versus just coming up with something because we're talking for a few moments So I really was trying to get deep into my thoughts and have some type reflections That were true to things that I really want to change versus just coming up with something you can take your time and answer I will That's fine, but that's what I'm saying now, so you know that since you wanted to know what those notes were and why I had to go back and look at them. You were reviewing notes. I was reviewing notes and still and I think about it. I'm going to have them all here, but I'll come up with some things and this is not. something that's going to last a long time. And this is probably first of many of our conversations, so Wait, what do you mean it's not gonna last a long time? we're not sitting here on a podcast talking for hours to share these things. Wanted to just minimize and just, have something deep to come up with. See? You reflect on that. It's okay to do that, Brittany. It really is. I didn't say you couldn't take notes. You were reviewing your notes like this was an interview. We're just talking. Well, really, I know, but even if you're just talking, it's still like an interview. No, I mean professional. I just felt like you were reviewing, like trying to have perfect answers. No, I'm not gonna have perfect answers. I want to have real, authentic, truthful answers and not just saying something because we're having a conversation. I'm happy to have you here. I'm excited. Are you? I think. I think that I am. I want you to talk about your story, your mother daughter relationship, and how that made you who you are today. Or how that just reflects on who you became. That's really a broad question. I'll let you answer and then I will ask more direct questions. You're talking about my relationship with my mother. So I'll open up with, I was 19 when you were born, and so Iza was 16 when I was born. Okay, so you were 19 when I was born, and your mom was 16 when you were born. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I think really that's how, if I was writing my story, that's how it's going to begin. So I think about the generation of us both being young mothers. Teen moms? Teen moms. And what we know and what we didn't know. And so there's a lot in there. I could say that, long story short, my granny, they're your great grandmother. I felt like there's a lot of reason, because Iza was a 16 and I had two other siblings. Probably by the time she was 19 or 20, after that, and a lot of us lived together for a very long time, so, she was always my mother, and I get to the age that I am now, well, it was probably about age 40. I probably truly recognized and accepted that she did the best she could with what she knew and what she had. It's what I had to accept. So what all of that in between that I'm not saying here allowed me to do was I had to do something different, right? I had already started out as a teenage mom, which I didn't really want to be, but I was. So I also knew that I had to go to school and I had to graduate, which I didn't see because my mom didn't do that. so she had the baby. She didn't finish school, but I knew that it was important for me to finish school. And so that was. I guess we can call it, I felt like one of the curses that I had to break because I didn't get to see that in anyone before me. Since I was first generation graduate in our, on the maternal side of our family. Maternal, grandmother, aunts, uncles, all of those because someone poured into me that there was something better out there, I knew that I could go. And do my very best and try to experience something better than the way that we were raised and the way that we grew up. how were you raised? How'd you grow up? What's that mean? what's that mean to me? And you guys saw a little bit of this. we were, and I don't even want to talk financially because we grew up poor. But in the neighborhood, well At some point, it really wasn't the hood. We just grew up where it was African American community. It is really what it was, but it was homes that were being bought and purchased by people in the military. So that house that I was raised in was purchased and owned by my grandmother and her husband, the people who live with us and around us. They were all in the military. They were black military families. And we all lived in the same house. Like, all the aunts. We're talking about six children from my granny, which is my grandmother. Six of your aunts and uncle and my mom, and the aunts who had their children because none of the uncles had children. Okay. So three generations? Yeah. Three bedroom, one bathroom house. Yeah. That's how we grew up until one of the families may have moved out for a little bit, but everybody seemed to transition in and out. Okay. And so you guys saw a little bit of that because your grandma lived with us. So that kinda just stayed a part of the family. But you still see some of that down because even her house is, when people don't have nowhere to stay, where do they go? There. when you talk about me, seeing things and I guess seeing part of how you grew up, what I see is you were, you're in the position now that is being called eldest daughter syndrome. You were in the position of taking care of everyone. That's what I saw. Everyone leaned on you. They looked to you. They came to you. You did it. Well, I, I'll be honest and say, so that's what I saw my granny do. She just took care of, she took care of the whole house, took care of everybody in the house. She worked. The only other person that did that was my mom. Oh, and then you. And then me. So, to be honest, I got that from her. I saw a work ethic in her that I believe was instilled in me because she's the only one. All the aunts, all the uncles, when everybody else was still in the house, those were the two women who got up every day, went to work to support that household with all those people in it. But that's a big burden. That was, I don't think at the time. We thought we knew or understood it was that, you just realized this was what you were doing. It's just what they did. So it's just what I did. But it didn't feel like a burden to you? No, it didn't feel like that. It just felt like this is just what we did. And this is just what we did as a family. So it didn't feel that way until, you know, you get older and you get wiser. And you start realizing, okay, none of these people have done none for themselves. What they really are is a burden, because they had every opportunity to, and they just made a decision not to. Well, there was a fallback person, and that was you, or your mom, or her mom. Growing up, I saw that as a burden. I was like, why does everybody look to you? Because it's just, it probably really was, but I didn't define it as that. Then it was, somebody just had to do it, I saw her do it, I saw her do it, and just went after and did it, it was like, I could do it, and this is what I was supposed to do, and you may even, I don't know, it may have just been, call it part of just growing up in church, because I go back and say, when I tell my story, Even as an eight year old, nine year old, ten year old child, I was the only one who'd get up in that house on Sunday and go to church. Because I had a teacher who would take me to church. At some point, I had my own belief about that. And I think it's because of the relationship with God and going to church. It was what I was supposed to do. I don't know, it just did it. I felt like, it was just what I was supposed to do, or what I watched them do. And it just seemed like, naturally, this is what we did. And what do you think now? I think now, it probably was a burden that I wasn't thinking about then. Now, it more hurts my heart and disappoints me that she continues to do it. Your mom. My mom. My mom continues to do it. And, recently, we've had conversation about it, but she felt like If no one else does it, she feels like somebody's got to do it and she's always done it. Okay, so you're the oldest daughter. I'm the oldest daughter. So is your mom. She was the oldest girl. Yeah. She's the oldest daughter. and so am I. Yes. And I look at the two of you and I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah. No. I will not. I know I haven't had to because of you. But I wouldn't. I think you're learning no now, though. Yeah, I'm so much better at no. Yes, I do say no more often than I've ever said no before. If only we can teach your mother that. If only we can teach her that. And I wanted something more. And then I know that I was a young mom, but I knew that I needed to make sure that I did something more. And that my children had something more and got to see something more. What was more? They were going to see education was going to be important. I didn't want a lot of people in the house, that was it. Education was going to be important. I wanted y'all to be involved in things because the only thing I was ever involved in centered around whatever happened just right there in that neighborhood. And that was it. So education involved in extracurricular activities is what you mean? Yeah. Or involved in activities with church activities, with group, anything else, any other involvement that didn't involve, like I got to be in tap dance because The lady did it down the street, and somebody else had to make sure I got there and did something for me because that did not come from home, and so I got my own self involved in things. and I really truly wanted the father children Relationship and that's really Julie when I'm on the in house. I really wanted that. How do you think you did watching you guys now? I would say Not so bad, but I made some mistakes. We did make some mistakes and still wish I would have done some things different, but I would still say not so bad. What would you have done differently? About what particular part? I just want to know from you. Yeah, I want your thoughts on your own parenting or mothering. What would you have changed or done differently if you look back? Because I was so young, I was still in school. I was still trying to grow and learn myself and find myself. I realized at some point, you being the first child, I was growing up with you, you were growing up with me as a mom. I was growing up trying to learn what it was to be a wife, And then before you know it, I had two kids. And so trying to work, trying to go to school, trying to manage all these things, being the burden carrier because I was still doing the things for all of these people. So one of the things I wished I would've done is probably. Slowed down just a little bit, and maybe, I think, at the latter years, more late middle school, maybe high school. Been more present for you guys, because I feel like I wasn't, it was so busy I would say, well, I have them with me when they were younger, you know, when you guys were younger, I felt like I did that better, but as you guys got older, I felt like, Oh, they didn't really need me that much because I was always on my own. So I just felt like you guys were good because I was always good because I was always by myself. So that I would have done that. So much differently, and I would have been more present, more communication, more just us just doing things together. If nothing else, just like the communication piece and talking and being open and those things, I felt that would be huge. And if I was doing that. Then a lot of other little things would have changed as well, too. So that's really what I wish the most. That just more time being 100 percent totally present. Yeah. I wasn't absent, but just being 100 percent present as you guys got older, there. And not just relying on you guys. Okay, they got it. They're good. Hello. Hi. School's good. Okay. We're doing this. We're doing that. I've never heard you say that. Yeah. But, I think about that all the time. That's the one thing I wish I could go back and do. Yeah, so that we could just focus on us and cut out a lot of the outside stuff. And, you were busy. Yeah, I was busy. All, all the time. Time was never a bad busy, but I was busy all the time. We work with school. We're doing something all the time Oh yes, that's what I mean. You had something going on almost every single day of the week. Yeah And now you know, they're fine. They're my girls. Now hearing you say it is I guess I'm not happy, not the word. I guess refreshing. Maybe that is also something I would've changed in you. It's something you already recognize. Because, no, you weren't absent, I would never say you were an absent parent. Your attention was almost never undivided, is what I would say. It was never divided. It was always divided. Probably like four or five ways. Yeah. No, I agree 100%. And that was not fair to you guys, wasn't fair to me, wasn't fair to anyone, but it was always divided. And, I would always say, Oh, I'm a multitasker, I got it, I can do it. I know. It didn't work out. That's a whole nother multitasking is a whole nother story, you know, using that word about it. It did not. Yeah. It did not. So that's it. And that's huge when you say being 100 percent present and just with the communication, that changes a lot. That changes a lot. And you would do these random things, I thought were random, where it felt like you were trying to connect, or you were trying to think about us. But it just landed very odd. Do you remember when you brought that fake baby home? That never actually turned on? And I'm so glad it never turned on. I'm not crying again too, so I wouldn't have driven us crazy. Right. No one wanted the fake baby in the house, but you came home with it. You thought it was so cool from the school and that we would really enjoy that thing. Yeah. That's what I did. That was one of the ways too. That was, but I'm, we're, I know, we laughed about it and I'm like, I don't know what happened. I don't know why the baby not crying, why the baby wasn't. It was not supposed to. we took the baby everywhere so that I wouldn't go back to school. And the recordings would be, we just mistreated the baby. Oh. Yeah, it was, it was random. It was one of those random things. But I do also try to recall, like, all the things that we did, right? I think about those things. I know I would bring you guys, even when you're a little bit younger, to go to all the games. I think about, the time. I do think about those things that I try to make sure that I cherish the times that we did get but just so you know, yeah, often reflect upon the missed opportunities to be 100 percent present. Was there anything else on your list from your note? It was really, truly that, and then it was, I remember recently during one of our conversations, I don't know if we were talking about your podcast or what, and you said, Do you remember what you said to me when I got my period? And I was like, No, did I ask you about, I don't know, and then you was like, No. And so it was one of those things, and so I've been thinking about that, and I was like, yes, I'm so sure that's what I said. And you go ahead with that, and we're just gonna put it out there, because Okay, so I'm 13 years old, so I appeared for the first time, and I tell her, and she says, Oh no. Now you can get pregnant. She didn't ask me how I was doing. She didn't ask me if I needed a pad. She didn't ask me if I took care of anything. She asked not a single question. Who the first said, Yeah, you can get pregnant. Okay, and I walked out of your room, but then later I had to come back so that we could talk about it. Yeah, I don't remember that. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but my memory is that, and I just remember walking out of your room. I was, okay, cool, I guess. Yeah, and you said that to me, and I was like Did those words really come out of my mouth? Those words came out of your mouth. I remember. I can visualize the whole thing. Yeah, you told me that and of course that's been replaying over and over in my mind like, oh my god, that probably really is what it said. Because I'm so sure I was thinking about oh no, I, you know. That cycle, I was breaking that cycle. Couldn't be 16, 19, or younger, or 19 again, or 20 again. There, I didn't want the teenage pregnancy thing to happen again, right, if I was breaking the cycle. And I know that's probably why it came out of my mind, but That's one of the things, and I'm sure that wasn't the only time. I know that wasn't the only time, because I'm going to tell you about another time that we hadn't even talked about. And I'm sure that wasn't the only time that something just came out that I probably shouldn't have said it that way. So, another thing that I wish I can undo is probably something like that, to where, I think at the time, the maturity level was to really be the mom. initially was more empathetic about situations or things and not just kind of sometimes like raw where it just came out like, Oh my God, no, she can get pregnant. I did. Cause definitely, I didn't want that for you. That came out wrong. I probably should have just stayed in my own head and then, and had a conversation about, okay, I remember when you were in fifth grade. You guys learned a little bit about this. So here's what we talked about, you know, taking it back to school. Should have done it that way. So another time I'm gonna share, okay, we're past that, right? Those were the wrong words, though. That shouldn't have come out that way. But I did because that's what I was thinking. Why was I thinking that? Because my mom was a team. I was a team mom. I didn't want that for Brittany. And not that good. I just didn't want that. Like I was going to, I was going to break the cycle. No matter what was going to happen, I was going to break the cycle. Yeah, well, see, if you didn't have it, you couldn't get pregnant and here she already is. We're going to need to cycle and restart it by noon. No, I didn't want that. Because biology wasn't going to happen. Yeah, well, I knew it was going to happen, but I just, didn't want her to be a teen mom. So, I'm so glad she could save her life about that. Because that is what I said. But the other time, I wish I would have responded differently. Let's see if you remember this. I remember your dad coming in and rushing up the stairs because somebody had told him that you was at the movies holding hands with some boy. I remember that. Yep. Yeah. And he lost his mind. And he lost his mind, which he was yelling and screaming at me, which caused me to lose my mind, which is that we should have just really sat down and had a conversation. about that, right? Those pieces about, okay, these are learning moments, I think, so that probably that's probably what I want to call them now, like just really sitting down having the conversations versus while reacting to these situations, because naturally these things were going to happen, right? And so that's also, this is one of the things that can get emotional about. So when I say communication, This is part of what I'm talking about just better at communicating the situation so that you guys could really, truly understand where we or where I was coming from to have these conversations and discussion from parent or mothers to children versus just Oh my god, just going crazy about him and so those are the things that I wish I can go back. So I'm going to say this just Because it goes in line, not like trying to pile on here. One thing for me that I would have gone back to change was you being less divided. Lincoln, you weren't absent, you were always present, just, you had so many things going on, you were never just in the moment. So that aligned with what you had already looked back on for yourself that you would have been more present. The other one I feel aligns here because I was going to bring up mine if they didn't align or if we had different ones but this also aligns. I was going to say I wish you were less judgmental and so maybe that was just though your You're responding out loud out of maybe frustration in the moment or just saying the thoughts that should have stayed in your head out loud or whatever. But a lot of moments felt like you were just judging versus teaching or just being there. It just felt judgmental. It's like you had nothing better to say. That's what it felt like. That's what you had. There's got to be more in there, but then more didn't really come out. Yeah. Lack of communication. Yes. You felt that as judging, because you're, my child wasn't judging. It was more like expectation, like you had to have felt like I expected a whole lot. I don't know. Well, yes. Yeah. So disappointing you and knowing like not meeting expectations. Yes, of course. But no, there were moments and maybe it was just your tone of voice or also your facial expression and see, you cannot hide you. Oh yeah, I do that. I do that now. So I've carried that with me always. But just felt very judgmental sometimes and not always. It wasn't like every moment, but yeah, some felt that way and it's like. Okay, I guess. I could see how you would use that term for what I did, that you would experience it that way. The mistakes that we make. Yeah. That we have to learn from. I know they can't see the facial expressions in what's happening. They absolutely can't. Describe, well, how would you describe it? It doesn't feel tense for me. Does it feel tense for you? Maybe just a little bit. Because I think now, since you just said this judgmental thing, you're looking at me like, yeah, lady, you were very judgmental. And I'm looking at you saying, yeah, I see how you probably Really, I just need it to be that way on my, okay, I, I understand that. Well, that's not what was in my head. Okay. I was giving you a chance to, process or to think. That was me just going in my head and just giving you a chance. I really do see how you could feel that it was that way and probably the tone that it came out. I would, I, myself would not feel like that I was being that way, but. I understand how you felt that it came across that way. Yeah. Intent versus impact. You didn't intend to. I didn't intend to, but that's the way it landed. The impact it left. Not my intention at all. But honestly, that's how it came out, and that was how it impacted you, made you feel that way. Probably similar to Bronte. Probably. Yeah, that's a whole other story there. But yeah, I say that because it's hers. My experience isn't her experience. Even though two people grew up in the same house with the same parents, they're not always parented the same way. I saw that meme today. I did. I saw that meme today that said, me and my younger brother had two different parents, two sets of parents in the same house or something like that. It stated. Yeah. And so she probably completely agreed with that. Yes. We laugh because she's just going to say, well, Brittany was the favorite. I mean, I can't help that. I'm pretty awesome. Just kidding. That's how she would relate that to you being the favorite. And then you guys would say she was the one who got away with everything. She was the baby. Yeah. She did get away with everything. You can feel free to change the subject. Two more things that I wrote down. When you see that long list of things, I was jotting down things about that in my note. Because now I'm trying to remember my notes that I can't look at that I had to refresh was. I was like, Okay, y'all only could do sports because I'm not spending a whole lot of money on a whole lot of things. And then you said you wouldn't have mind doing cheerleading. So I would have allowed you to do that. I wish I would have continued to keep you in gymnastics. Those are some of the other, little bitty regrets that I know that I've had and thought about throughout the years. And then I'll go every, all of it just comes back to communication. You remember when I asked to be a Girl Scout? Yes. You do? Yeah. What'd you say? Man, we ain't not doing that. It's too much, you said We don't have time for that. We don't have time for that. I did. I remember saying we don't. It was like No, you're not putting something else on my plate because Girl Scout was so So busy, yeah. That would be one of those things that Yeah, I wish I would have allowed you to try it, but It would have been me trying to put you off on another parent. And I told you, I knew for sure, anything that I did, another parent, somebody else had to do for me because I wasn't gonna get that at home. So, and I was like, nope, because then I'd be doing, I'd be doing the same thing. Every now and again, I have someone pick y'all up or take you because then I could do the same thing for the other parent was okay. But to absolutely say, if you're gonna do Girl Scouts, somebody else was gonna have to do it. Yeah. I don't know. It was I guess the quick way you would respond and then that would just be the end of it. I'm just like, oh, okay, a conversation would have made some of these blows a little bit easier. Yeah. And see when I said that they don't have conversation, okay, but let me help you understand why you can't let me help you really, truly understand. You probably understood better about cheer because I was like, no Brit, I'm not paying all that money for it. Oh yeah, that one was money. I talked about the drama. I said the money and the drama, okay, so what do you think about the work that I do with mothers and daughters? Because I know sometimes you say you'll see social media and wonder if I'm talking about you. I think, it's not so much if I'm wondering if you're talking about me. What I do is I start to think about, okay, well, Britt just said this. So I start to go back and replay. Okay. What didn't I do? What did I do? Is there something about us? And I love the work that you're doing with mother and daughters. I think you're probably really truly the perfect person for, and I say that for two reasons. One, because we have a relationship that's Not a bad relationship. I don't think we're trying to heal to rebuild a relationship. But also, the second part of that is, you know where there were some parts of the relationship where you had to, heal from it? The things that you didn't get? And you had some understanding as to why and now that you have Amala, you get the opportunity to break. Another cycle' I love what you've taken your therapy to, and I'm very proud of you for doing this. I know when you start looking and asking questions about our lineage in the family, I think it's, this was eye opening for you, but to hear you talk about it now. To say you didn't recognize a long time ago the burden that I carried as the eldest child. You probably already knew like this was something I'm gonna do as the eldest daughter and so I didn't so something led you there. My clients. Our family, our story didn't leave me here. I dove more into us once I started seeing it in clients. I don't know, the path just kind of took form. When I think about, being resilient in everything that has happened and the stuff that we just overcome, I could just, I don't know, I could see why this has been, a passion for you. Proud of you for landing here. And really, given that you're all in, truly pursuing this as a passion and a purpose for you to want to make sure that mothers and daughters have this relationships and or. They can heal from whatever they need to heal from. You're welcome. You said with Amala that I continue to break curses. Yeah, break the cycle. Break cycles, switch cycles. Do you hope that I break? Well, I think one you're already doing that now. So you have the household, right? And then you already said nobody's burden. I'm going to say no. You're already going to do those things. I'll go back. Let's just go back and talk about two years for breastfeeding. You took that on and you were determined, right? You did that. You took on one full year. Her at home? What do you mean? Diapers. Oh, cloth diaper? Cloth diapers for a whole full years. A little longer than that. Okay, a little longer than that. Even still You set your mind to, this is the way things was going to be for her. That right there was some resiliency, like, I'm adamant about this. I've been feeling this for a long time. This, what is this? Yeah, it was like, this is my new lash. You're gonna be tired of these cloth diapers. You're not going to be able to do this stuff. Proved you wrong. You did. No, you really did. And that right there was already those pieces. When you guys were much younger, I know that I was 100 percent present, because when you have kids that young, you just really, truly have to be. And so I know I broke that. And I don't think you guys felt like you were really raised by anyone else. But, yeah, from what you've done since birth, I can already see what you will continue to do. And it's already, it's already a different cycle. You underestimated me. Yeah, maybe just a little. Cause I know what type of work that was. And you guys did that work. You did that work. Proud of you guys for doing that. You don't do that and we weren't sure. You talking about the diapers? I'm talking about the diapers, the breastfeeding, like all of those things. You didn't think I'd last there either? Yeah, I thought you'd be ready to say, okay, here we go. Here's the bottle. Let me give you some milk. Like when, how at one year old, we're saying, okay, kids can come off baby formula, and we put them on the regular milk. Y'all had a lot of pushback and question. We did. Do you have any now? No, we saw you accomplish those tasks. You did that. And like you said, even longer. I mean, now, at this age, Is there anything I'm doing where you're like, Yeah, no, cause now she could tell you what's going on with her. She could tell you if her feet are cold, if her socks on. She could tell you if she need a jacket. She could tell you if she wants to clean her nose, like, all those things I had before that she really couldn't tell you. She could tell you now, so I have no concerns because she's going to let you know. Do you have any last parting words for this episode? If I had to say this and I probably had, I think the first thing I would say, I apologize for the judgmental piece, because that's the part that I didn't see. I did recognize that communication and not being 100 percent present, I, I wasn't there. I can't take it back, and so I, I need to apologize to both of you, for sure, for that part. I really, the true apology come from not seeing the judgmental piece. That was something that you held onto. I am grateful that we can be open and have these conversations and you can just come, you can say Do you know what you said to me And it won't hurt my feelings, it doesn't hurt me, but it does allow me to think about what I know that I didn't, what I didn't. And I know that we have a relationship. And continue to do this work, and I'm happy that we're here and we're getting to,, we're getting to do this thank you. You're welcome. Hopefully our conversations helped or touched somebody because I think that part is important. Yeah. Love you. Love you too. If you made it to the end of this, thank you for listening to another episode. I do hope this is the start of many episodes that I get to have with my mom. I don't think I'm done with being able to chat with her. I think there's more that I'd like to talk about and to bring to the show. As most of you know, mother-daughter work is the bulk of the work that I do as a therapist and a coach. I enjoy helping women to heal from mother wounds or helping mothers and daughters to reconnect their relationship and to help them change the painful aspects to joyful aspects of their relationship. Thank you again for listening to another full episode, and I hope you'll return next week.