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Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

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My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me as always, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

Don't forget to vote.

The Jewish American princess, Sarah.

Hello.

Our emotional support.

Gay Nick.

It's a me.

I'm a hero.

And our producer, Alex.

I like my cheese drip, you bra.

Wait, Nick, are you not gay anymore?

Am I am allowed to say that still?

The election hasn't happened yet, okay?

And our the election actually hasn't happened yet.

So I think I'm still allowed to be gay.

So it's a me.

I'm a gay right now.

You still have rights.

Okay, perfect.

That may change.

Never know.

You never know anymore.

How was everybody's Halloween, Chris?

Did you take my advice and dress up 11 on Halloween?

Get that candy.

No, it didn't fit in it anymore.

Actually, I tried.

She's growing too fast, Scott.

It's, it's.

It's crazy because she's growing quicker than I am right now and.

But we are both changing outfit sizes at the same rate.

So no trick or treating for her on Halloween?

No trick or treating?

No, no.

We, me and Emily sat down and watched a probably top 10 movie ever made.

I'll give everyone one guess.

It's a top 10 movie and it's in the thriller thriller genre.

Thriller Horror.

Yeah, Thriller.

Thriller.

The movie thriller.

Oh, no, but that's actually a very good guess.

And it's Nightmare on Elm Street.

No.

Sarah.

Jeepers Creepers.

Close.

Killer Clowns From Outer Space.

Yes.

I love that movie.

Wow.

My first time watching it all the way through and Emily's first time watching it all the way through.

And we will be watching it every Halloween season.

It is one of the most phenomenal movies I've ever watched in my life.

You did miss out on an opportunity, though.

You could have been mowing down on the candy for the next three months.

Yeah, you are right.

But I felt a little guilty, Scott, because we did.

What was that face?

That I felt guilty.

Yeah.

Why do you feel guilty about it?

I felt guilty that I didn't go out.

Oh, good.

I felt good.

No, I felt.

No, I felt guilty to go out.

I can't talk tonight.

It's Monday.

You're making us record on Monday.

I.

My head's in the clouds right now.

Yeah, I'm very, I'm very off right now.

I'm drinking water.

So we had our Halloween candy for like two weeks, Right.

And maybe this is what I was going to talk about this week.

I don't know.

So it was sitting next to the door and I was like, you can open and take a piece of you.

As I opened, I took a piece.

And by the time Halloween came, there were no Reese's cars there.

There were no M M's.

All that was left were Almond Joys and KitKats, which are, you know, every kid's favorite candy.

Those are good.

So.

Yeah, because you're 50.

I say I, I'm 40 now.

And I love the Almond Joys.

I know.

It's like, it's like the kids are like, they just leave it at the door.

Like, most of the Almond Joys are just at the bottom of the driveway.

Nick.

I, I, the way that I eat my Almond Joy is I, I bite the nut out first.

Each nut and then, so then it's pretty much a mounds at that point.

That's the one that my kid grabs first, is the Almond Joy.

Yeah.

It's so good.

Yeah.

And what's wrong with Kit Katsu?

It's just you can't eat a lot of them.

I feel like it's just a weird texture thing.

I beg to differ.

I'm also on medicine.

Let's take a poll here.

Chris.

My waistline says different.

Yeah.

So it was, it Got so bad that I had to go to Walmart that morning to get more candy because I.

It was, most of it was gone.

Speaking of getting more candy from Walmart, I did not take my daughter out and seize that opportunity, but I did seize the 75% off of candy today at Walmart.

Oh, nice.

And I bought a huge bag of 100 of the Reese's pumpkins, the big ones for five bucks.

And I have a hundred of those sitting in my.

I say, how many are left?

Yeah.

You know, Chris, that's what I should do for next year because, you know, I've talked about this before.

Ever since 2020.

We pre bag the Halloween candy, right?

And every year I insist on having a bucket full of five bags that don't have candy in it for any kids with allergies, because they do exist.

They're out there.

I don't believe in that, but.

Well, neither do I, but.

So my, my wife takes it a step further this year and, and she gets like bubbles and tattoos and stickers and like the fake vampire teeth.

I'm like, this is like what dentists give out.

Yeah, it's worse than we got a lot of toys this year or like little like spider rings and like there was lots of weird things that were in there.

Not candy.

Yeah.

The only candy that we had was like a pixie stick, a couple dum dums and like these really hard.

I don't know, like, but you could like build them into a skeleton or whatever.

But it was hard candy.

It was so gross.

And I'm like, babe, what is this horse crap?

Like, I'm yelling at her the whole night like, what is this?

And she's like, well, Halloween candy is so expensive this year.

We're saying this as we're outside of our house and I'm like, turn around for a second.

That's a three quarter of a million dollar home behind us.

What do you mean candy's too expensive this year?

Just got.

Buy the goddamn candy.

We can afford it.

You have to.

You have to.

I was like, we're going to get teeth.

That insult.

We're going to get egged.

Sarah, how was your Halloween?

I worked.

Lewis and I got steak and shake, went into a food coma and passed out.

That sounds really nice.

Amazing.

Wow.

Yeah.

I think that was the earliest I've gone to bed in a really long time, actually.

We didn't see a single person on our street, by the way.

Really?

One single person?

Really.

So I'm glad that I didn't put the effort into Doing all of the Halloween stuff this year.

I'm glad that I didn't, like, save a seat at the dinner table for you and Louis, because I texted four times.

I felt like, remy, okay, I work all day.

It was for two days.

It was for two days.

I said.

I said, was it.

Yeah, sorry.

My days merge.

It's fine.

I was like, rachel really wants you.

Industry as I do.

All right.

Yeah.

So, Chris, here's the thing.

The.

The last that we had spoke, because we went to.

We went to Animal Kingdom on Wednesday.

It was our last Wednesday at the parks, and I'm like, hey, if you guys aren't doing anything, why don't you come over my neighborhood for Halloween?

Like, it's.

It's amazing here.

We're gonna have booze.

Like, we have vampire teeth.

We have vampire teeth.

Look, no, look, the cooler that we had sticks.

The cooler that we had for the adults was better than the kids.

We had.

We had Bud Light, and we had jello shots and liquid death.

And I was like.

I said, we have jello shots.

I have tequila.

Like, Sarah, I got you all set.

Like, you can smoke weed in the back.

It's fine.

This is Wednesday.

This is Wednesday.

She says, we'll let you know.

So I'm texting all day Wednesday and Thursday.

Crickets.

Crickets.

Go ahead, Sarah.

What were you going to say?

Okay, it didn't feel like that.

But let me tell you that, as you guys know, I am on a certain medication, and I prepared myself for animal.

Well, that's a.

A different one.

And I prepared myself for the day at Animal Kingdom by not taking my medication because I knew I was going to indulge in a mimosa or two.

And it turns out not a good idea, because when we left it.

It hit my system, and I was feeling.

I was feeling it the rest of the day and into the next day.

So when you sent me a picture of a cart full of tequila, I wanted to throw up.

Okay, now I feel bad.

Now I feel bad.

All right, well, you're excused.

Thank you very much, sir.

You're welcome.

Nick, how was your Halloween?

Did Piper have a good time?

Piper?

We broke her, I think.

So I went.

I went around the neighborhood with her.

Sean stayed home to pass out candy jello shots.

And we also had spiked hot cider, too, because it's cooler here.

We're like the house everybody loves to come to.

Like, we had a lot of compliments on our house.

We had to have bug spray.

I saw that in your picture.

Yeah, we gave out bug spray.

So bored of you.

We started.

Everything was fine.

And then it started to sprinkle like halfway through.

And Piper got pissed because she just got her hair done.

Her hair was straightened.

The water gets wet.

It curls up.

So she wasn't happy that it was raining that night.

So she was ready to go home 20 minutes into it.

But we kept her going.

And we're like, well, let's just keep walking.

We'll kind of circle back around and circle back to the house and I can drop you off and stay out with the other kids that we're with.

And she just hopped on the wagon, covered herself up in a blanket, and just called it a night in there and just hung out.

So I looked down and I'm like, she's eating some candy.

As we're walking around, she finds an entire full size Twizzler in there.

Did you check for razor blades?

I didn't get a chance.

Because what happened was, you know, with swizzlers, you peel it off and you eat like a piece at a time.

She is gnawing on it like it's.

Wait, what?

Like it's a candy bar.

And when you eat Twizzlers.

Like string cheese.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because they're usually like.

You peel them off in rows.

Are four or five.

You eat it just like Piper does.

Yeah, I'm a Piper.

I'm a Piper guy.

So you eat like four at a time.

Four?

What are you talking about?

Four?

Because like one and you yank it.

They come connected.

Connected.

You see what, the little spirals around it?

No, the spiral.

That's each individual one.

But there's like four connected.

What?

What Twizzlers are you buying?

Like, it's like Chris.

Chris gets the snack size because he's petite.

You can peel the Twizzler.

That's what you're saying.

These weren't the pole and peel.

Whatever.

They.

They have the pull and peel ones too that actually, like, pull off, like individual, like hair strings.

This is like, differs.

Yeah.

But it's like four pieces together.

But since it's a full size, it's eight pieces.

She's eating all eight pieces at once.

I have to Google Twizzlers now.

I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

And by the time that I notice it, it's kind of like a KitKat Chris.

Right, exactly.

There's four individual spots on a Kit Kat.

Yeah.

Chris, do you eat your Kit Kats?

Do you break it apart and eat one at a time?

Or do you just throw the Whole thing in your mouth.

Depends how hard he doesn't eat them.

Remember Sarah Twix?

Do you.

Or Kit Kats?

Do you break it apart and eat it or just the whole thing?

Yeah, I'm looking at a Twizzler right now and they look pretty, just like a.

I don't understand the.

It doesn't.

I know what you're saying now because they come with individual Twizzlers and they come in like, even the Halloween ones.

Come with a two piece, I think, in it.

Yeah, they're connected.

Yeah.

But yeah, this was full size.

So moral of the story is by the time I looked down because I was very inebriated that night and high, she was like halfway through this Twizzler already.

And that was within a matter of maybe five houses.

So.

So she had a.

She had a fun night there.

But afterwards we went and hung out with our neighbors.

We had a really awesome time.

It was a new tradition that we like to do is just hang out with our neighbors afterwards and just share candy and eat lots of food, so.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

So my daughter has outgrown me walking with her.

She's 12.

And I.

And I kind of got the sense last year that last year was the last year that I was going to be able to walk around with her.

But I'll tell you what, I was really excited about it because, you know, I put a lot of work into decorating my yard.

We've got animatronics and smoke effects and music and all that.

It's a pretty cool thing.

So I wanted to be able to actually enjoy people complimenting my house this year.

So we had, we, we moved the cars out of the driveway.

We had a whole table set up on the driveway and, you know, handing out the beer and the can, the toys.

Not really candy, but.

But, you know, my daughter gets back home and this is how advanced she is.

She starts separating her candy.

Like, that's supposed to be my job, right?

I look through, make sure there's no razor blades.

I separate the candy.

No.

She separates it into like four different Ziploc bags.

And I'm like, what.

What organization do you have going on here?

And she's like, well, this is the stuff I'm allowed to bring to school.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

And she says, and this is my Safer later, this is my Eat now and this is what you can have.

And, like, what I can have is like the orange Tootsie Rolls.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, like just the Dum dums.

And the suckers, like, nothing good.

It's like saying I hate you without actually saying it.

Right, right, right.

I was like, okay, well, I'll remember this.

But, you know, Chris, you were talking about scary movies earlier.

Yeah, yeah.

And my Abby turned me on to a movie.

We lost Nick.

Hang on.

Okay, there he is.

We lost you for a second.

So Abby turned me on to a movie, and I.

She's obsessed with the Menendez brothers.

Really?

That's a little alarming, actually.

My kid is Dahmer, if that's any better.

Okay.

I mean, Dahmer didn't kill his parents, right?

Well, yeah, I'm very concerned.

Like, you know, there's this whole tick tock craze going on there with, like, free the Menendez brothers because, you know, it.

Times have changed or whatever, and there's new evidence.

I don't know.

It's okay now.

It's okay now.

It's okay now.

So, like, my daughter has this massive crush on Eric Menendez.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

So I'm like, you know what?

I'm gonna watch the documentary.

I watched the documentary and I was like, wow, this was horrifying.

But I understand why they're getting so much sympathy now, because, you know, they talked about the sexual abuse that they went through and all that.

And back then in the 90s, like, it, you know, men weren't sexually abused.

Like, that was just women.

Okay.

But now anybody can be sexually abused.

You know, the Catholic Church shed light on that.

Let's hold for laughter instead of very serious.

I thought you were educating us, actually.

So she's talking about this, this.

This.

This guy that plays Lyle Menendez in the.

The Ryan Murphy Netflix series.

So I'm like, you know what?

I'm gonna watch this.

You know, the documentary was super interesting.

Sarah, have you seen the Menendez brothers miniseries called Monsters on Netflix?

I haven't seen that particular one, no.

So Abby is telling me how great it is, and she's like, oh, my God, you gotta watch it.

You're gonna love it.

And I'm like, okay, well, I'll watch it.

And in episode three, there's a shower scene with just schlongs everywhere.

Oh, wow.

And I'm like, abby, did you watch this?

And she's like, yeah.

And I was like, all of it?

And she's like, yeah.

And then the very next scene, they're talking about how the father made the son give him oral.

But they're very grapp about their description of what happened.

I'm like, oh, my God, my 12 year old has watched this.

Can you give me the timestamp of that episode?

Because I need to go back and rewatch it.

There's.

Yeah, well, you've gotten that far.

We definitely got that far.

And immediately I'm having flashbacks to one of our hosts.

I don't remember who, letting her kids watch Pet Cemetery and all that.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Like, I have failed as a parent.

Like, I'm not pre screening these things.

She just.

This was a recommendation for, from her.

She's like, oh, you gotta watch the Menendez show.

And that's pretty, that's pretty alarming.

I.

I see.

What are you more afraid of?

That your daughter was exposed to all of that sexual, you know, content on the thing or the fact that she idolizes someone who killed their parents?

Like, both are equally as alarming.

I think I am sleeping with one eye open every single night since this information has come to light.

Has she always been into, like, scary stuff?

She's always been into scary stuff, yes.

But there, there is a TikTok craze with the Menendez brothers.

And that's where I think her obsession started.

And so, like, I'm talking to her in the car and I'm like, sweetheart, you watch this entire movie or this entire show?

She's like, yeah.

And she's like, oh, my favorite episode was this one, naming it.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

And I'm like, I don't know.

And I say this because I'm not thinking.

I said, I don't know how I feel about you watching shows with schlongs all over the place.

And of course her face gets beat red and.

Dad, I can't believe you said that.

Sarah, have you had this problem with your girls at all?

No, I, I don't think I will for a while, I hope.

I don't know how I would handle that either.

Yeah, but I mean, in that specific scenario, because with the dark stuff, that, that's totally my kids.

The dark stuff, fine.

But the, the, the.

Okay, can you describe the shongs for me?

Very long.

Okay, so you're jealous.

The image of it, like, I wouldn't, you know, that I wouldn't be okay with.

Obviously.

But I will say that I watch a lot of crime shows and my kids have watched them with me and they've heard these words and I mean, we explain to them, you know, things that go on in the world, we don't shelter them from anything.

So, you know, talking about it is one thing, but Seeing all that?

Yeah, no, probably.

Probably would have lost my mind for a second.

That's the thing.

Anytime, like, I'm fine with her watching scary movies or whatever, but if there's a sex scene, if there's boobs or whatever, I'm always covering her eyes.

Or like, she knows she's got to go out of the room during the sex scene.

But I had no warning.

I had no warning, even for myself.

Just all of a sudden, schlong's in my face.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

These schlongs were in my daughter's face.

From the tv.

It's from the tv.

And I'm horrified.

I'm horrified.

And every time she talks about this.

Show, all you think about the schlongs.

I'm sick to my stomach because she's seen these schlongs.

You know what?

You gotta look at the glass half full.

At least it's not like 2010, when 3D TVs were all the rave.

Could you imagine?

Could you imagine walking in and she's wearing 3D glasses?

What are you watching?

I just.

The Menendez brothers.

She's got the virtual reality goggles on now.

I'm a crime junkie.

What can I say?

I mean, I remember my first time that I've seen a movie with boobies in it.

Was Tommy McGuire.

Was Tommy McGuire.

Yeah.

Jerry Maguire.

Jerry Maguire.

Jerry Maguire.

That one.

When they had the sex scene.

So my mom flipped out on the manager at Kmart because of that movie.

They were playing that movie.

And middle of Kmart.

Was Bill President.

It's a rated R movie.

It probably is okay.

It was okay.

It was fine.

It was rated R.

But everything else was fine.

It's just that one sex scene.

So my mom finally let us watch it.

I remember one day, and I've never looked at a woman's name.

Jerry Maguire, turn you gay?

Tom Cruise, turn me gay.

My first movie with boobies was Lethal Weapon 2.

There's a sex scene.

Yeah.

And I'm watching it with my dad, and, gosh, I don't know how old I was.

I had to be 10, 11, 12, maybe.

And I was like, oh, this is my kind of movie.

And he immediately paused it, and we had to have the talk.

Wow.

Did he pause mid boob?

Mid boob.

Wow.

That's a pretty hard conversation to have.

Literally.

Yeah, it was, because I'm just looking at the boob.

Wow.

So then he's like, hey, are any of your friends having sex?

I'm like, I don't know, 12.

Like, what?

Chris, do you remember your first booby movie?

So I don't remember the first nipple boob movie, but I do remember it was very controversial when Jurassic Park 3 came out and they had one of the.

The stars of the movie take their shirt off and they were just wearing a bra.

And that was very controversial because it was a PG13 movie, and they're like, oh, kids shouldn't be able to see this.

But I remember going to theaters and watching that movie, and it was very awkward because I was with my mom.

Oh, yeah.

But, yeah, no, the first boob movie, it's a really good.

Probably like Toy Story 2 director's cut.

I.

I took my mom to see something about Mary that was.

Oh, is that the one with the.

With the scene with the hair gel?

Yeah, yeah, that.

That's a hard one to come back from.

Literally.

Yeah.

Sarah, do you remember your first booby movie?

She's like, Lewis and my sex team.

I watched Titanic at a young age, but I also come from two parents in the medical field, so anatomy were not like, they.

That.

That's just not something you're shy of.

You know, my dad used to, like, be immature, and we'd be walking around the museum or something, and he'd point at one of the statues and, oh, look, boobies.

Like, you know, that was just.

Everything was, you know, because that's their everyday life.

But I do remember that there was one time my mom took me to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall in theaters, and we had no idea.

She just thought it was going to be like a comedy.

And I had my eyes shielded for most of that movie.

Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

I remember what caused my mother to put her hands over my eyes, and then from there, there was nothing but blackness.

No, I think you were watching the wrong movie.

The Menendez brothers movie.

I think I actually remember my first nude movie.

It was weird.

I was watching it at home.

I was 8 years old.

My parents were watching open water, and open water that the air conditioning goes out in the boat, and this woman's just laying there butt naked.

Spread eagle has got this big old bush.

And I'm like, wow.

Didn't know.

Didn't know.

You know, you could show bush on movies.

I definitely saw some 70s porn in my day.

It's very traumatic.

Yeah, I don't think I'd want to see that.

I think I'd be gay if I saw that.

There used to be a website.

It was like, MrSkin.com or something.

Yeah, yeah.

It told you how I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

But it was what.

What mov we at what time period?

You could pause it and see side boob or, you know, half a nip or, you know, whatever.

God, I love that website.

Yeah, Put that in the description.

That's a good.

That.

And find a celeb dot com.

That was a fun.

That's like when you're in fifth grade, it's one of those websites.

Hey, you want to go Mr.

Skin?

Yeah, yeah.

And then you can see.

Exactly.

You got to run to Blockbuster real quick and look for the movie.

Yep.

And created Foreman or by men.

Foreman.

Yes.

We didn't have porn back then.

Like, I, Sean and I.

Like, we had porn back then.

We just didn't have easy access.

We had magazines.

There were.

There were VHS tapes.

Well, when you're under the age of 18 and you can't purchase.

Oh, yeah, we can't get those.

Yeah, yeah.

So we have to go to MrSkin.com.

And also when you're in the closet and you can't find them in a small town either.

So that's true.

We had to make our own in the gay community.

We had to make our own, basically.

Like, we would go draw stick figures.

No, you buy underwear like Calvin Klein or Hanes even, and just get excited to the Hanes ad.

Oh, what a good idea playing like 4D chess back in 1990s.

Like, that's.

That was our spank pick.

Then your parents are like, you went through like six different packages of underwear in the last month.

And why are all your socks going missing?

I mean, it was a rough time back in the 90s.

Eric run up gay with nothing to look at.

So, yeah, like, those movies back then were like, now it's easier.

Like, it's.

It's hard to find TV shows for us to watch that don't have any sort of nudity in it, I feel because everything watches on Netflix or Hulu.

So, like, you saying that there's dicks flopping around, like, hasn't that been around for.

What's the show?

Game of Thrones.

Yeah, it's like Game of Thrones and stuff.

That was just like every episode there was always a dick.

Yeah.

I think Game of Thrones normalized putting the penis in.

And I was like, that was like the first thing that I ever like.

Because you didn't see below the waist, male or female, because that was porn.

Occasionally you'd see a butt.

You'd see a butt or boobies.

You're allowed one butt in PG 13 movies.

I remember you're allowed one butt scene.

More than one.

It can't be.

It's 18.

More than one.

Yep.

NC 17.

Why didn't you watch.

So back in the 90s, why didn't you just watch wrestling?

Just mute it.

I did.

I think I watched wrestling because of the attraction there.

Yeah, I mean I, I can only.

Imagine between that and he does.

He does imagine.

I was.

I wasn't saying figuratively.

I found my parents videotapes.

But.

Wait, but the guys in straight porn are not.

You have to clarify, Nikki.

Please clarify.

My, my dad used to have some porn on vhs.

Okay.

Okay.

I found the.

That he purchased at a store.

Not home videos.

Yeah, you thought what I was thinking.

As soon as you said my parents home.

No, here's how cheap.

Here's how cheap my parents were or whoever made these.

Sarah Lewis.

Gotta be careful with their daughters.

They probably bought the tapes.

They bought the tapes and then re recorded them onto their own VHS tapes to keep them.

So they weren't the real VHS tape tapes.

So he must have rented it and like re recorded it or some.

So.

Oh, that was like the biggest craze in the 80s.

You have two VCRs, you hook them together and you record what you rented onto another vhs.

So illegal.

We never did that.

We never did that.

But yeah, yeah, guys are just not attractive in us.

Going to turn me on?

Yeah.

Nick pops in his, his like baptism video and it's what you re recorded.

Stepsister next door.

What is this?

We had a Little Mermaid on VHS and then like 30 minutes into it, all of a sudden there was a guy banging in.

So.

Yeah, no, it was still the Little Mermaid, just a different.

Okay, well back to kids and Halloween.

Coolest costume you guys saw.

Well, I'm out because I didn't see one single costume.

I'm gonna have to say there's so many families as Gru.

Gru and the Minions.

Oh yeah, that's still a thing.

Yeah, that was a thing.

And there was one family that pulled it off.

He was bald.

The kids looked adorable.

I think that was the coolest one for me.

Yeah, I feel like the creativity around here just lacked.

And it was all like store bought costumes so it wasn't anything stand out.

Ish.

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna go a little 180 on this and I'm gonna say I think a lot of the costumes this year sucked.

I think when we grew up it was better.

And I don't know if it's like.

So we had those cheap plastic masks that you couldn't breathe through.

Yeah, they were the best.

Sweat would just be rolling down the inside of the latex mask.

Now they have, like, a mask that you can actually keep on your face and breathe through and see through.

But in our day, it was literally plastic.

That probably gave us cancer with.

With a really cheap elastic band.

Oh, yeah, that was just stapled.

So the staples sticking in your temple.

Yeah.

My mom made my costumes every year.

Like, she would buy a template or whatever, because that's what you did.

You bought the.

The pattern and she'd sew it all together.

I was a soda can one year.

Yeah, that's a soda can.

Become addicted.

That is how I became addicted.

You're right.

You're right.

Sarah was a joint.

I didn't see anything too crazy around here.

There's one house that went, like, all out with decorations.

They had spider.

Giant spider webs and spiders outside.

And then in their garage, they turned it into like, a little, like, haunted house type thing with, like, spiders that would jump down at you and then coffins with skeletons in it.

So that was really cool to see, but we're trying to build it up around here because I've seen so many other neighborhoods out there that just do some fun things with it.

So hopefully next year we'll get it.

We'll get some meatballs or something fun.

Very cool.

All right, let's see what's new with Giles Garmin.

And now it's time for the more you know.

And here's your host, Giles Garman.

Hello there, Giles Garman here, and I'm letting you know about the next episode of into the Disneyverse, where you can hear all about the Universe of Energy and Guardians of the Galaxy.

Cosmic rewind.

That's right.

The original version of the attraction was about 45 minutes long, and it was one of Disney's early trackless attractions, although quite different from the trackless attractions one sees today.

And to give you a little pep in your step, here's a little song interlude that'll give you your little bit of energy of your own.

It's the Power Rangers.

18 naked cowboys in the showers at Ram Ranch.

Big hurt driving cocks.

One to be sacked.

Play that when Christian cardoza from Studio 21, the baseball podcast is around.

Why, you ask?

Because he's homophobic.

As a reminder, you can check out into the Disney verse.

That's D I Z N E Y V E R S E.

On all podcasting platforms, new episodes release Every Monday.

And that's all for me.

Giles guy happen.

Oh, my God.

I feel like I need to explain because he's made a couple references.

Okay, so there's a host of another podcast, and I'm not going to give it attention, but we used to promote the podcast.

It's about baseball.

And he said right before June on the podcast that he hates June because, and I don't quote me on this, but essentially all of the rainbow being shoved down my throat.

And I took offense to that.

I got pissed off about it.

Well, I didn't know until sophisticated gentlemen put it into his bit at the beginning of baseball season, saying how he hates baseball season because everybody's throwing balls and bats down his throat, essentially making fun of what was said.

So that was in reference to that.

I'm very pissed off about it.

I refuse to do any projects with the guy, whether it's Diz Journey or Remy's Roundtable 15th Anniversary Edition.

If he's there, I won't be.

So that's that, and we move on.

But the thing is, you want to make jokes because we make jokes all the time.

We make gay jokes.

We make Jewish jokes.

We make short, fat people jokes about Chris.

We make bald old people jokes.

We do that, but we're laughing with each other.

To make a statement like that, especially when one of our mutual friends and supporters of all of our podcasts is gay, I thought was a direct shot, even though it may not have been intended to.

But I took offense to that for Nick because Nick's my brother and more.

Like a sister, but.

Yeah, more like a sister.

More like a sister, but.

But, you know, I just not.

You can have your opinions, but once you make them public like that, and I just.

I don't have time for you anyway, so that was that.

That's.

That's the behind the scenes.

Speaking of shoving rainbows down your guy's throat, I think it's my turn to talk, so move.

I'm gay.

Nick's on the mic, so it's time to take notice.

And if you don't like it, that's homophobic.

Stay the hell out of his way.

Move.

I'm gay.

So I don't think this is really that gay that I'm talking about, but I had a cheerleading competition this weekend.

That's pretty good talk about it.

Is that gay?

Is that gay?

You had a cheerleading competition?

I mean, I wasn't the one cheerleading.

My daughter was.

Okay, okay.

So as a parent, but I'm also the cheerleading coach, as we've talked about that's a little gay previously.

So slightly gay, I guess I would say 90%.

Yeah.

I'm the only male that is very gay.

Super gay.

Super gay.

So, yeah.

So we had our very first three cheer competitions this past weekend.

Luckily this one, it was called an expo, so we weren't judged on anything.

So we just did our presentation and everybody got a award ribbon at the end and everybody was happy.

Nobody left crying.

Those damn liberals with their participation trophies.

Yeah, we got our participation trophy.

But next weekend and the weekend after we have actual competitions where we have to place.

So I'm, I'm nervous because I, I'm very competitive, but on top of being competitive, I don't really have the control here because the controls in my.

In the hands of first and second graders, guys.

So picture this.

15 first and second graders, all of them pretty much have ADHD.

I'm just going to throw it out there.

The attention span is not there ever.

It's like as a coach, have any of you ever coached anything before?

Yep.

I coached Darren's soccer team when he was like six.

Wait a second, Alex, cut that.

That doesn't run with the, the narrative that I abandoned him.

I coached somebody else's son soccer team, my friend's son's soccer team.

When.

Okay, yeah, he was like four or five.

I coached cobble job in a simulated Madden League.

I am currently coaching My daughter's 8 and under soccer and we've won two games, lost two games and tied three.

Just beat the undefeated team.

But I know what you mean.

I look out there and I'm yelling things for them to do and I have my own daughter not even looking at the ball on the field.

It's, it's not easy to coach young children because their listening span is very, very, very short.

Right to the point that I'm like, I'm literally having a conversation with one of the girls.

I'm like, this is how you need to do your cartwheel and do it this way.

So go down a straight line and not cut across other people just for safety reasons.

So her response to me saying that was how old are you?

I didn't, I was like, listen, you don't ask a man his age, okay, first, second words, talking about a cartwheel here.

So do the cartwheel right and get it right because we have a competition to win.

So I, I guess I need advice on how to motivate children.

Candy.

Candy.

I, I don't.

Just.

Not from a white van.

Not from a white van or man yeah.

Van Not.

Yes.

Yes.

And that's funny thing.

So stickers, competition stickers and candy.

These kids are obsessed with.

I talked about this.

We have a girl on our team.

She's kind of my spirit because she's.

She's such a fun vibe.

She just.

She doesn't want to be there, to be honest.

She's just like, Nick's mom's.

Nick's like, neither do I.

As he shoves his drink.

Her mom signed her up.

I get it.

It's a lot of these kids, first year doing any sort of activity on a team, and her mom signed her up.

I could tell from beginning of the season that she's going to be.

She's going to be a character.

The very first practice, we're outside practice, practicing on the football field, and this little girl's like, 10 minutes in the practice, she's like, are we done yet?

I just want to lay out in sunbathe.

That's amazing.

I was like, me too, girl.

I would rather be at the pool right now.

But I'm here volunteering my time, so I need you to help out a little bit, too.

So I've learned those tricks too.

So at the competition this weekend, literally two minutes before we're ready to go on.

The expo was not a competition.

The Expo, sorry.

I want it to be a competition because I think we did really good.

Two minutes before we got out there, she's sobbing.

She's like, I want my mom.

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to do this.

And what do I say?

I say we are going out there and I'll give you candy afterwards.

What happens?

She flips around.

She had the biggest smile on her face.

She nailed it.

Turns out she's diabetic and can't eat.

So.

Ye.

I didn't give her any candy.

I Looks like Tom Hanks.

Just.

There's no crying and cheerleading.

There's no crying and cheerleading.

Like, don't mess around with me.

Like, I'm.

We're here to compete, and this is what you sign up while your parents signed you up for.

So let's do it.

I feel like Nick is the.

Nick is the.

Is the coach.

Will Ferrell's character in Kicking and Screaming and Screaming.

Yeah.

He hires Mike Ditka to coach.

And that's Nick.

Yeah.

I.

You know, Mike Ditka, Nick.

You know what that is?

I don't.

Bless.

You.

Got to instill some fear into these girls.

Nick, you say what motivates kids?

Fear.

Does you crack?

Of the belt.

Your dad ever do that growing up?

Take off the belt?

Never, Never.

Never hits you.

All you need is that crack of the bell.

So all you need is these.

These.

These empty threats.

Empty threats.

And I've tried them, and half time, they don't work.

They're probably not listening.

They're probably not listening.

Yeah, they're probably.

Most likely.

Yeah, it's.

It.

It's.

It's very entertaining.

I'm excited.

I'll.

I'll update you guys next week on how we do at our competition on Saturday, because we better do good.

We watched the video afterwards, and of course, the coach is like, they did great.

They did great.

But here's what we can fix for next time.

I'm all about giving them the support they need.

They're like, oh, my gosh, how did we do?

And we're like, you guys did amazing.

And as the coaches were like, okay, so we need to fix this.

But, I mean, we're looking at it as.

It's a team, it's a sport.

We want to be.

Want to be the best that we can be.

Is it a sport?

It is.

And I wish people would treat it like that because we are sweating.

I listen, I was so dehydrated afterwards, and I felt like I was cheerleading, probably because I was yelling at the kids half time just to sit down.

Because semen is very high in sodium, Nick.

I didn't have any that day.

Think about it.

That's what I was missing.

Yeah, I was.

It's a busy, rough activity.

I mean, we had kids getting injured.

Piper hit her head one day.

Thanks for asking about that.

Yeah.

Oh, is she okay?

It's a rough sport.

Thanks for asking.

I'm glad that you're concerned.

She's okay now.

She did hit her head when she went down to get on the floor to do a bug move.

But she's good and she's doing better.

Yeah, Sarah, much better.

Thank you, guys.

I do remember what we were teased.

What we teased at the end of.

The episode last week about my daughter hitting her head.

Yeah, Chris, your daughter almost hit her head, right?

Yeah.

So we're hanging out on the couch.

We're hanging out on the couch.

And what were you doing?

And so.

Oh, man, I almost forget.

Oh.

So Ellie was on one part of the couch sitting up, really cute.

It was really cute.

Like, it looked like she was like an adult just sitting there.

So she's old now?

Five.

A little over five months.

And I was.

Listen, I was at Walmart.

They had this Mega Box of garbage pal.

Kids box for cards for $12 and that's a really good deal.

So usually 30.

So I grabbed a few of them and I'm ripping these things to shreds and trying to find a good card, which I found some great cards, guys found Winnie the Pooper.

I found Thing sue and Thing Juan.

Really great cards for the YouTube people at home.

You can, you can see they're great cards.

They're great cards.

So I was a little sucked into ripping these cards.

In the corner of my eye, Ellie starts barrel rolling towards the edge of the couch.

And when I say edge of the couch, off the couch, she, she just barrel rolled.

Stop.

You would think there was a fire.

She stopped, dropped, and rolled so quickly.

Very impressive.

Actually, some are saying it's the quickest barrel roll ever.

Many are saying.

Many, many people are saying that I've never seen a barrel or like that in my life.

So I.

It's because her dad looks like a barrel.

I.

I selflessly dropped the pack of cards that I was opening and.

And dove and caught her.

Very athletically, might I say on one and a half legs, because I am still recovering from an insane injury.

And there was a huge bang on the floor and Emily came running up the stairs.

And of course Ellie, because she's a baby, starts crying.

And she wasn't hurt.

She, she, she.

I broke her fall.

She bumped her head a little bit, but it wasn't from the couch.

It was from like 3 inches off the ground.

And I told her to rub some dirt on it.

She stopped crying.

And see that maybe that's what you have to do, Nick, is just tell your girls to rub some dirt in it whenever they start.

She also would eat the dirt.

I had one of them literally eating dirt one day.

I, I don't know what's.

We've, we've like, we've told them like, okay, if you guys don't do this, you have to run.

You have to run 5la.

And they're like, okay, you have to do 10.

Okay.

I'm like, before I make myself sound bad, first of all, I didn't tell her to rub some dirt in it because there was no dirt around.

So it would have been unrealistic.

I.

Father of the year candidate over here.

We have one more month to go of this year.

Two more months, I guess.

And I'm a father of the year candidate out if I wish there was a camera in my living room room because it was a spectacle.

And I'll tell you what, if the garbage can Gets moved without me knowing to the curb one more time.

There might be a camera in my living room.

So until that happens, I have one.

In your bedroom already.

So we can, we can use that.

Pull the tape out there.

Pull the tape.

It was around noon this past weekend.

No.

Yeah.

So it was, it was at a.

I don't know if anybody watched football this weekend.

Who's listening?

Who watched Saquon Barkley do the backwards hurdle?

That was nothing compared to what I did.

It was, it was the most impressive.

Like, I, I, I still think about it, like, at least six times a day, I think.

Wow, that was a really impressive feed.

Oh, big, beautiful.

Dude's just chimed in.

Don't worry, there's a camera.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Yeah, I save.

I, I saved my daughter from a concussion.

I saved my daughter from ccd.

I'll vote for you.

I literally saved my daughter from becoming Aaron Hernandez.

Oh, wow.

Think about it.

That Simpson real fast.

Yeah.

I saved two lives that day.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hey, Chris.

Hey, Scott.

You got any Cliff Notes?

I do.

It's been quite the show.

A lot of stuff's happened, so nothing can stop this little boy from recapping the day.

The Chris's cliff snow.

So we started off the show talking about Halloween this year.

When Scott asked Sarah and Lewis to come over, they weren't doing anything.

Sarah replied with I'll let you know statement.

I'll let you know has become my favorite saying of all time, by the way, because it gives someone hope without actually ever doing anything.

Kind of like Joe Biden.

Scott sent me a video of what he claimed to be the scariest house in his neighborhood, and I.

It took me a long time to figure out why he thought it was scary.

I finally zoomed in.

There was just a law and sign that said, no human being is illegal.

That's scary to Scott.

No, no, no.

Scott said that his daughter is outgrown following her around on Halloween.

The rest of the kids in Scott's neighborhood can't wait until they outgrow it as well.

He talked about how Scott has been sleeping with one eye open after his daughter watching the Menendez brothers doc came to light.

Ironically enough, hearing about the show, it sounds like she saw the Menendez brothers come to light.

Oh, my God.

That's my daughter you're talking about, Chris.

I'm talking about the Menendez brothers.

All right.

Okay.

The Menendez brothers.

My bad.

Put some parental locks on your tv.

Apparently, the parental locks don't work, Chris.

Parental locks?

We talk about how.

No.

Lastly and lastly for that, and lastly, we talked about how Nick's parents recorded over VHS movies to record Born Born.

They even renamed the Disney movies they recorded over.

So here's actually some of the titles that they came up with.

Peter Pansexual, the Jungle Fever Book, the Little Spermat, Mighty Joe, Hung Combo.

But Pirates of the Caribbean and Toy Story.

And those are my Cliff Notes.

Thank you so much, Chris.

Bravo.

So next week I want to talk about.

And don't give the answer away because I'm going to try to guess who in here is a helicopter parent and who is not, because I do have my suspicions on each of you.

So I definitely want to talk about that.

Nick, you got anything fun coming up with Piper this week?

Yeah, like I said, we just.

We're getting ready for our first official, I guess, competition, since we can't call the last one a competition.

So we have two competition practices coming up and then our big day on Saturday.

So we are up against five tough, tough teams of first and second graders who's going to get their ass kicked.

So I'm excited.

Sarah, what kind of plans do you have with the girls?

Actually, Lewis starts his vacation on Wednesday, so he's got a vacation for a week and a half.

And we have the girls for a little extra time.

So we have some stuff planned.

Family.

Family's all coming over for the first time to the new house.

The whole nice.

Well, not the whole family, but enough to fit in the house.

And that's.

That's good enough for right now.

So when you say Lewis is on vacation, that means he's only working two of his three jobs.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Chris, what kind of fun things do you guys have planned this week?

Not much this week, but last week we spent a night out in the city, just Emily and I.

We had her mom watch the baby and the whole dinner.

We just looked at pictures and videos of Ellie and then also watched in the live camera to make sure everything was going properly.

I already have my guess for what type of parents Chris and Ellie.

This is what's spawning this topic because I thought of it last week when the.

The whole barrel roll off the couch thing.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, this would be fun.

So I'm in the middle of negotiating with my 12 year old because.

So she's.

Scott, you don't negotiate with terrorists in middle school.

They're terrorists.

She's.

She's on phone restriction for her grades because it was either she was on phone restrictions until after junior thespians or she would have to lose either junior thespians or the show.

So she chose phone restrictions through junior thespians.

Well, I keep getting notes home from her math teacher that she's misbehaving.

So I tacked on another week.

Well, now she wants to have a sleepover with one of her friends this.

Weekend and another thespian.

No, a band banned kid.

What are they called?

Nerds.

So I should say, no, you cannot go and have the sleepover because she's in the middle of restrictions.

But no, I'm negotiating and I'm like, okay, you can do this with your friend.

But like, this has to be done around the house.

This has to be done.

This has to be done.

This has to be done.

And I'm tacking on an additional week of phone restriction after thespians.

This is what happens.

It's constant negotiating with her.

So anyway, Alex, where can our listeners find you?

Well, everyone can find me or my podcast, Disneyverse at Disneyverse.

D I Z N E Y V E R S E But also, you didn't ask.

But what's going on with me and my kids?

I'm going to continue coaching soccer.

We have our last two games of the year coming up this weekend and then it's playoffs.

And like I said earlier, we just beat the best team, elite who haven't lost the game.

We beat them.

We're playing a lower league, a lower team.

So we're hopefully to beat them.

And then we're playing another hard team.

The hopefully we can compete with them, go into playoffs with a, you know, competitive winning streak or at least win three of the last two of the last three and go into playoffs hot and ready to not lose a first round.

That's my goal.

Don't lose first round.

I don't say it to the kids, but that is my goal.

Nick, you can find me at Sandpiper Vacations on all social media platforms.

And Motional supports gay Nick on Instagram.

Sarah, you can find me at oldsoothrift on the Whatnot and the Instagram.

Chris, you can find me Risyab on both Instagram and Whatnot and you can.

Connect with all of us.

All of our social media links are right there on our website, nodewriendspodcast.com if you listen to us on Spotify or Apple, it's under Parents Night Out.

Now make sure you like and give a five star review.

Like, follow all that good stuff while you're on our website.

Check out our really sweet merchandise and join our clubhouse for as low as $2 a month.

All that exclusive content, early releases and different prizes, whatnot.

On behalf of Giles Garman, our producer, Alex, Nick, Sarah, Chris.

I'm Scott.

Thank you so much for listening.

We'll see you next time.

We'll see you later, poopy head.

No new friends.

Just be old the f.

In the world of chaos we're the ones you hold.

Scott, Chris, Sarah.

And naked tale to be told.

Welcome to the podcast.

We're adulting unfolds we're adulting unfolds we're adulting on fools.