1 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:02,212 Hey, everyone. 2 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:06,383 Welcome in to a new podcast, I guess. 3 00:00:06,403 --> 00:00:07,813 This is for True North parents. 4 00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:08,858 So I'm Lewis. 5 00:00:08,894 --> 00:00:12,694 I'm student ministry director here at Compass Bible Church, and I'm here with 6 00:00:12,909 --> 00:00:14,488 my favorite person in the whole world. 7 00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:17,056 Would you like to introduce yourself, my love? 8 00:00:17,859 --> 00:00:19,852 I love that that's your description of me. 9 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:21,439 Hi, everybody. 10 00:00:21,474 --> 00:00:22,232 I'm Shay. 11 00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:23,894 I'm Lewis' wife. 12 00:00:24,818 --> 00:00:30,461 Yeah, and so what we're doing here is we want to help you parents to 13 00:00:30,473 --> 00:00:35,241 take these sermons, specifically these dating sermons, and get, 14 00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,396 like, a brief overview of them. 15 00:00:36,407 --> 00:00:39,952 You can listen to the full sermon on this True North, on our Compass 16 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:43,983 Student Ministry podcast, um, where we post all of our sermons every week. 17 00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:49,468 Uh, but while we're in this dating series, we are going to make- Follow-up 18 00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:55,105 podcasts after each sermon to help you talk about what your students 19 00:00:55,105 --> 00:00:56,492 are learning with your students. 20 00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:00,362 So we just, we wanna help you, and we- uh, at True North, we're all about partnering 21 00:01:00,362 --> 00:01:02,519 with you to disciple your student. 22 00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:06,039 And so we want to help you talk about all of these. 23 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,791 And we know dating has a lot of nuances, a lot of complexity. 24 00:01:09,007 --> 00:01:09,714 Definitely. 25 00:01:09,792 --> 00:01:12,310 And, and so we wanna help you talk about that with your students. 26 00:01:12,311 --> 00:01:13,199 That's the point of this podcast. 27 00:01:13,205 --> 00:01:17,438 So, what I'm gonna do really quickly here is just go over the sermon briefly. 28 00:01:17,450 --> 00:01:18,485 Again, you can listen to it. 29 00:01:18,485 --> 00:01:21,723 I'd encourage you to listen to it to get the whole thing of everyth- 30 00:01:21,793 --> 00:01:22,829 every word your students heard. 31 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,083 And then… 32 00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:30,166 Uh, so I'll go over it briefly, and then we'll highlight some key takeaways, 33 00:01:30,202 --> 00:01:32,521 and then we'll talk through the small group questions, 'cause that's really 34 00:01:32,753 --> 00:01:36,683 the best way for you to, to discuss the sermon with your students, is to ask 35 00:01:36,683 --> 00:01:39,692 them about the small group questions and, and, um, talk through that. 36 00:01:39,692 --> 00:01:41,183 So first, I'll go over the sermon. 37 00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:48,195 So we talked about dating, and we talked really about, um, what 38 00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:49,478 the point of dating is, right? 39 00:01:49,479 --> 00:01:50,505 Why should you even date? 40 00:01:50,505 --> 00:01:51,752 What's the main goal when dating? 41 00:01:52,285 --> 00:01:54,386 That was our, our goal for this introductory sermon. 42 00:01:54,386 --> 00:01:57,946 So three points: Dating is for God was the first point. 43 00:01:57,949 --> 00:02:02,303 So dating is not separate from your relationship with God. 44 00:02:02,577 --> 00:02:03,095 God is… 45 00:02:03,113 --> 00:02:03,964 He owns everything. 46 00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:07,869 We looked at 1 Corinthians 10:31, which says we should do everything for the glory 47 00:02:07,869 --> 00:02:09,757 of God, and everything includes dating. 48 00:02:10,098 --> 00:02:17,162 And we looked at Romans 11:36, which says that f- from God and through God and to 49 00:02:17,162 --> 00:02:19,756 God are all things, including dating. 50 00:02:19,756 --> 00:02:20,876 So dating is for God. 51 00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:21,590 It's about God. 52 00:02:22,002 --> 00:02:24,504 And what I told the students is that the most important person in 53 00:02:24,504 --> 00:02:26,164 your dating relationship is God. 54 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:27,017 It's not you. 55 00:02:27,017 --> 00:02:28,277 It's not your significant other. 56 00:02:28,866 --> 00:02:30,038 Um, so that was the first point. 57 00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:34,401 And I think one of the main takeaways that one of, um, the students I got 58 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,747 to hear talk after the sermon, one of the things he said is that a lot of 59 00:02:37,747 --> 00:02:41,687 people view dating as something separate from their relationship with God. 60 00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,233 It's not part of it. 61 00:02:44,194 --> 00:02:48,447 Again, if, if our goal is to love God and to love others and disciple them, 62 00:02:48,788 --> 00:02:50,458 then that's what dating is for too. 63 00:02:50,491 --> 00:02:55,751 Dating fits under our preexisting mission of loving Jesus and 64 00:02:55,752 --> 00:02:56,944 helping other people love Jesus. 65 00:02:56,950 --> 00:02:58,793 So, um, that was our first point. 66 00:02:58,798 --> 00:03:01,727 Our second point was that dating is for marriage. 67 00:03:01,728 --> 00:03:05,326 So dating is not something that you do, um, just because you're 68 00:03:05,326 --> 00:03:07,425 too young to get married and you wanna act like you're married. 69 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,798 Um, dating is not something that substitutes for marriage. 70 00:03:12,312 --> 00:03:14,558 Dating is always with marriage in mind. 71 00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:18,459 Now, that doesn't mean that you're going to necessarily get married, right? 72 00:03:18,509 --> 00:03:23,688 Dating doesn't always result in marriage, but dating is always 73 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:28,124 the pathway for something else. 74 00:03:28,148 --> 00:03:29,413 Dating's not the destination. 75 00:03:29,414 --> 00:03:30,065 That's what we talked about. 76 00:03:30,065 --> 00:03:31,972 Dating is the pathway, not the destination. 77 00:03:31,973 --> 00:03:35,927 So we-- Dating is serving marriage. 78 00:03:35,927 --> 00:03:39,736 We wanna date in a way that makes marriage look really good, and we wanna date in 79 00:03:39,737 --> 00:03:44,477 a way that sets us up to have a good marriage, even if that marriage is not 80 00:03:44,478 --> 00:03:47,080 with the person we're dating, right? 81 00:03:47,081 --> 00:03:49,199 Because we might be dating someone who's… 82 00:03:49,331 --> 00:03:52,129 we're not gonna be married to, and so we wanna date in a way that 83 00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:54,184 makes our future marriage great 84 00:03:56,298 --> 00:04:01,546 And our third point was that, and this is really I think the main takeaway For 85 00:04:01,546 --> 00:04:04,410 our students, I think if you asked them, they would say, "Yeah, dating should 86 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,029 glorify God," and, "Yeah, dating has something to do with marriage at least." 87 00:04:07,384 --> 00:04:12,012 But our third point was that dating is for clarity, not closeness. 88 00:04:12,606 --> 00:04:17,115 And so what that means is that the point of dating is to figure something out. 89 00:04:17,269 --> 00:04:18,533 Dating is to answer a question. 90 00:04:18,666 --> 00:04:19,009 Mm-hmm. 91 00:04:19,038 --> 00:04:22,949 Um, dating is about finding out whether I should marry this person. 92 00:04:23,216 --> 00:04:26,957 The goal of dating is not to get really close with someone and 93 00:04:27,207 --> 00:04:28,705 practice marriage or pretend- Yes 94 00:04:28,705 --> 00:04:35,102 to be married, or to enjoy some of the benefits of marriage while I'm a teenager. 95 00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:38,442 Or get enough experience to then have a better d- dating 96 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:39,653 relationship down the line. 97 00:04:40,439 --> 00:04:40,789 Yeah. 98 00:04:40,857 --> 00:04:42,220 That's another really good point, too. 99 00:04:42,332 --> 00:04:46,677 We don't wanna date just to learn conflict resolution. 100 00:04:46,689 --> 00:04:46,699 Yes. 101 00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:47,421 Mm-hmm. 102 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:49,055 Yeah. 103 00:04:49,073 --> 00:04:51,183 So the goal of dating is clarity. 104 00:04:51,229 --> 00:04:53,937 We wanna figure out, should I marry this person? 105 00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:55,135 That's the goal of dating. 106 00:04:55,149 --> 00:04:58,526 And that really changes the way you look at dating, and even breaking up, because 107 00:04:58,847 --> 00:05:00,682 breaking up could be a good thing, right? 108 00:05:00,682 --> 00:05:00,872 It… 109 00:05:01,041 --> 00:05:05,423 That's- Absolutely … if you get the clarity that, "Oh, I shouldn't marry 110 00:05:05,424 --> 00:05:09,958 this person," then you succeeded, which, uh, I didn't say that in the sermon. 111 00:05:09,959 --> 00:05:10,568 I wish I did. 112 00:05:11,005 --> 00:05:15,786 I think that was communicated, though, when you said it's about whether it's not 113 00:05:15,787 --> 00:05:17,594 about whether you want to get married. 114 00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:18,757 It's, it's whether you should. 115 00:05:19,051 --> 00:05:19,329 Yeah. 116 00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:22,814 So our small group questions, um, so if, in case you're unaware, our 117 00:05:22,814 --> 00:05:25,400 small group questions, they're on the back of our True North worksheets 118 00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:26,492 that students get each week. 119 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,904 Sometimes they take their notes on their own. 120 00:05:28,249 --> 00:05:30,981 Um, if you want, you can still ask your student to bring home a worksheet 121 00:05:31,294 --> 00:05:32,765 so you can see the questions. 122 00:05:32,794 --> 00:05:35,919 Or, um, I'd be happy to share the questions with you as well. 123 00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,651 But we've got junior high questions and high school questions. 124 00:05:38,659 --> 00:05:43,095 This week they overlap a decent amount, so, um, we'll talk through those. 125 00:05:43,394 --> 00:05:47,123 M- The beginning of the discussion was mostly just gathering students' 126 00:05:47,176 --> 00:05:49,482 backgrounds with dating, you know, what, had they ever thought about 127 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,448 dating before, was dating new for them. 128 00:05:52,012 --> 00:05:54,919 And even in the high school groups we have some wide ranges, and then- 129 00:05:54,978 --> 00:05:56,625 Yeah … even in junior high as well. 130 00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:57,033 Mm-hmm. 131 00:05:57,034 --> 00:05:59,345 So that was the first junior high question. 132 00:05:59,363 --> 00:06:03,523 And then, um, the first high school question was- About the biggest 133 00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:07,295 influences on your thoughts about dating. 134 00:06:07,295 --> 00:06:10,174 And so what we really are thinking, right, i- and one of the reasons we wanna do 135 00:06:10,174 --> 00:06:13,290 this series is that someone is teaching your students about dating, whether it's 136 00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:16,142 you, whether it's their friends, whether it's Instagram, whether it's- Mm-hmm 137 00:06:16,166 --> 00:06:20,154 YouTube, whether it's TV, someone is teaching your students what 138 00:06:20,154 --> 00:06:23,395 dating is supposed to be, and we wanna make sure that we're doing it. 139 00:06:23,395 --> 00:06:23,548 Absolutely, yeah. 140 00:06:23,702 --> 00:06:25,311 We wanna make sure that we're giving them that picture. 141 00:06:25,311 --> 00:06:28,138 So what did some of your girls say in this first question, and, and 142 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:32,470 how would you as a parent maybe approach f- asking your students 143 00:06:32,471 --> 00:06:33,796 about their thoughts about dating? 144 00:06:35,201 --> 00:06:39,960 When it came to my conversation with, uh, my girls, when they were prompted 145 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,955 with what is the biggest influence, I, I first thought that maybe social 146 00:06:43,955 --> 00:06:47,169 media would actually be the primary factor, and that was not their answer. 147 00:06:47,169 --> 00:06:48,442 Their answer was their parents. 148 00:06:48,949 --> 00:06:51,924 And I was actually really encouraged by that because then I asked them to 149 00:06:51,924 --> 00:06:58,215 elaborate on what that looks like, and my girls walked through the dynamic of 150 00:06:58,255 --> 00:07:02,281 their parents' marriage and things that they would want to emulate versus things 151 00:07:02,281 --> 00:07:06,323 that they maybe had seen of how parents had handled arguments or discussions 152 00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:08,537 or how they were pursuing each other. 153 00:07:08,552 --> 00:07:13,736 And it, it was just a good reminder for me to make sure that our parents see 154 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,540 that their children are watching them. 155 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,406 And whether it's an intentional conversation at the dinner table or it's 156 00:07:18,407 --> 00:07:22,643 just them living life together in the same home, our, our students are watching you. 157 00:07:22,999 --> 00:07:26,538 And our students are processing the way that you are speaking, uh, with your 158 00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:31,006 spouse and the way that you are handling, um, even small decisions that need to 159 00:07:31,006 --> 00:07:35,676 be made for your, your home and your family and, and, uh, the way that you 160 00:07:35,676 --> 00:07:39,482 are loving each other and the way that you are again, investing in each other 161 00:07:39,483 --> 00:07:43,374 for, for the glory of God and for the good of each other's spiritual health. 162 00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:46,833 So I just think that was a big point for our high school girls, that 163 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:50,682 they, they were, They're watching and they're, they're listening and 164 00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:54,016 I, I can definitely assume the same of the rest of our students as well. 165 00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:56,127 Yeah, that's so good. 166 00:07:56,200 --> 00:08:00,905 And I think as you as a parent, even if you're not talking to your 167 00:08:00,905 --> 00:08:04,492 students about dating and about marriage, you're showing them, right? 168 00:08:04,492 --> 00:08:07,541 You're, you're showing them what marriage looks like every day. 169 00:08:07,712 --> 00:08:09,703 You're showing them what a husband is supposed to be like. 170 00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:09,729 Mm-hmm. 171 00:08:09,729 --> 00:08:13,148 You're showing them what a wife is supposed to be like and how you r- 172 00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:16,088 forgive each other and how you resolve conflict and how you make decisions 173 00:08:16,088 --> 00:08:18,986 and, and how you keep promises. 174 00:08:18,986 --> 00:08:20,112 You're, you're showing them that. 175 00:08:20,164 --> 00:08:22,189 And, and you're showing them what to look for. 176 00:08:22,593 --> 00:08:25,242 Uh, especially, I know for me, I didn't grow up with sisters, right? 177 00:08:25,244 --> 00:08:30,261 So my only- … experience with a woman was… 178 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,674 I didn't have friends who were girls. 179 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:33,521 My- Right … I, I didn't talk to girls very much. 180 00:08:33,521 --> 00:08:36,762 So the only woman I really talked to and, and knew very well was my mom. 181 00:08:37,073 --> 00:08:39,600 Yeah, there's a lot of Disney movies that Lewis doesn't know about. 182 00:08:39,859 --> 00:08:41,321 Yeah, I- All the Disney princesses. 183 00:08:41,606 --> 00:08:44,367 I did not w- there's no princess in Li- well, I guess you, if you wanna 184 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,098 call whatever her name is a princess. 185 00:08:46,107 --> 00:08:47,134 The lady lion. 186 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:47,780 What's her name? 187 00:08:48,599 --> 00:08:49,377 From The Lion King? 188 00:08:49,378 --> 00:08:49,769 Yeah. 189 00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:50,682 There- Nala? 190 00:08:50,848 --> 00:08:51,290 Nala. 191 00:08:51,583 --> 00:08:52,059 Yes. 192 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:55,284 Sh- I don't know if she's a princess, but, I didn't watch The Lion King- 193 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,504 Close enough … until high school, for those of you who care about that. 194 00:08:58,504 --> 00:08:59,334 Whoa, I didn't know that. 195 00:08:59,856 --> 00:09:00,434 There you go. 196 00:09:00,547 --> 00:09:00,952 Anyway. 197 00:09:01,211 --> 00:09:06,164 Yeah, so whether you want to or not, right, you are teaching Your students 198 00:09:06,165 --> 00:09:08,029 about dating and about marriage. 199 00:09:08,391 --> 00:09:11,739 And- Yeah … it's better if you do it on purpose than on accident, right? 200 00:09:12,014 --> 00:09:15,667 So- Mm-hmm … um, even just maybe you've never talked to your students about 201 00:09:15,667 --> 00:09:17,063 dating before or what it looks like. 202 00:09:17,347 --> 00:09:19,205 Uh, maybe you're a parent of a junior higher. 203 00:09:19,596 --> 00:09:22,789 You still want to at least approach that subject, right? 204 00:09:22,797 --> 00:09:25,224 Something that I heard, this was actually about a different topic, 205 00:09:25,224 --> 00:09:28,041 this was about talking to your kids about where babies come from. 206 00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:32,703 Um- … but what someone said I thought was really good advice, he said, um, "It's 207 00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:38,823 better to have 60 one-minute conversations with your student about where babies 208 00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:42,900 come from- Mm … than to have one 60-minute conversation with your student." 209 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:43,988 Yeah, that's a great point. 210 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,829 And I, I just thought that was so good. 211 00:09:45,829 --> 00:09:47,458 And he said something funny too. 212 00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:51,080 He said "You don't wanna have a 60-minute conversation with your 213 00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:53,276 students about where babies- … come from, and they don't want you to 214 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,250 have that conversation either." 215 00:09:54,268 --> 00:09:54,501 Right? 216 00:09:54,692 --> 00:09:56,657 'Cause I think especially with that, there's this myth 217 00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:58,121 about, like, the talk, right? 218 00:09:58,457 --> 00:10:01,661 And I think with dating, sometimes we can do that of like, oh, the talk 219 00:10:01,661 --> 00:10:03,375 has to happen once they're- Right 220 00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:05,090 somewhat aware about dating. 221 00:10:05,319 --> 00:10:09,247 And I think in this instance, it's better to, to give them small 222 00:10:09,269 --> 00:10:11,835 conversations just about, "Oh, what do you think about dating?" 223 00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:16,023 Or, um, are, do any of your friends at school date? 224 00:10:16,144 --> 00:10:19,096 Or even if you're, you're watching a show and there are people dating, 225 00:10:19,097 --> 00:10:22,038 or maybe you hear about, oh, some of the high schoolers are dating. 226 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:26,330 They're being exposed to, and it's better to, to get on that train early 227 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,179 rather than to be too late to it. 228 00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:32,283 So for this first question just get to know what your students think 229 00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:34,088 about dating, and ask them about it. 230 00:10:34,088 --> 00:10:37,417 And don't, you know, you don't have to come in and interrogate them. 231 00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:38,093 No. 232 00:10:39,382 --> 00:10:41,281 Yeah, I, I, I would agree with that. 233 00:10:41,281 --> 00:10:44,324 And, and I actually asked my girls, I said, "Hey, what, 234 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:45,617 let's go around the circle. 235 00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:49,278 Where is your understanding of your parents' expectations?" 236 00:10:49,302 --> 00:10:51,979 'Cause again, like, like Lewis said at the beginning is, we wanna partner 237 00:10:51,979 --> 00:10:56,141 with you parents and make sure that we are aligning with you and your 238 00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,877 desires for your, your children, and the, the rules you've set in place and 239 00:10:58,879 --> 00:10:59,979 the expectations you've set in place. 240 00:10:59,983 --> 00:11:05,579 So having the, the girls even go around and just tell me, "Hey, here's what my mom 241 00:11:05,579 --> 00:11:09,824 and dad have agreed is best for our family and how we're gonna operate," and they 242 00:11:09,824 --> 00:11:13,723 were all able to give me a clear answer of what you as parents had expected of them. 243 00:11:13,738 --> 00:11:16,891 And I thought that that's something that Lewis and I and, and the rest 244 00:11:16,891 --> 00:11:20,014 of our leaders wanna make sure that we're checking in on as well. 245 00:11:21,295 --> 00:11:21,593 Yeah. 246 00:11:21,689 --> 00:11:25,516 We as True North leaders are pro-parent. 247 00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:25,718 Definitely. 248 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,445 We love parents, and we support parents. 249 00:11:28,474 --> 00:11:32,233 And so, whatever your dating convictions are- Mm-hmm … as long as they're 250 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,417 not sinful, we support those, right? 251 00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:34,430 Absolutely. 252 00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:38,306 As long as you're not asking your student to sin, we're gonna back you up on that. 253 00:11:38,358 --> 00:11:38,573 Mm-hmm. 254 00:11:38,925 --> 00:11:42,061 And so one of the main rules in dating is listen to your parents, right? 255 00:11:42,127 --> 00:11:42,364 Yes. 256 00:11:42,807 --> 00:11:47,979 And so it'd even be good if you made sure your students knew, okay, 257 00:11:47,979 --> 00:11:52,460 w- you know, what do I, what do my parents think about me dating? 258 00:11:52,468 --> 00:11:53,295 Do they want me to date? 259 00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:54,310 Am I not allowed to date? 260 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,261 Are there certain parameters for dating? 261 00:11:56,614 --> 00:11:58,584 That would be so good for you even to ask your student, "Hey, what do 262 00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:00,242 you think I think about dating?" 263 00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:02,559 So well done, high school girls' parents. 264 00:12:02,643 --> 00:12:06,607 You, your s- your girls all know- … uh, what you expect of them, which is great. 265 00:12:06,607 --> 00:12:08,527 You've given them clarity, which is awesome, right? 266 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:08,681 Mm-hmm. 267 00:12:08,681 --> 00:12:11,463 You, as a student, you don't wanna be guessing about what your parents want. 268 00:12:11,476 --> 00:12:12,211 You don't wanna be… 269 00:12:12,609 --> 00:12:15,684 And also as a student, it's not, I mean, you can, you don't wanna 270 00:12:15,684 --> 00:12:17,983 be the student who's like, "Hey, am I allowed to date," right? 271 00:12:17,983 --> 00:12:18,254 Right. 272 00:12:18,254 --> 00:12:19,802 You, you don't wanna be that student that comes to your 273 00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:20,852 parents and asks that question. 274 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:21,208 Mm-hmm. 275 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,376 Um, it's better if parents, you can say that. 276 00:12:23,379 --> 00:12:27,154 So, that was kind of the first couple questions in small groups. 277 00:12:27,443 --> 00:12:32,136 Junior high question three, high school question two, was just simple 278 00:12:32,156 --> 00:12:35,334 question, but I hope was provoking. 279 00:12:35,639 --> 00:12:39,518 So I just put in quotes, "Dating is marriage practice for teenagers. 280 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,281 Agree or disagree?" 281 00:12:41,315 --> 00:12:42,776 What did your girls say to this one, Shane? 282 00:12:42,794 --> 00:12:45,280 They all unanimously said disagree. 283 00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:48,986 A very confident disagree, which- Okay. 284 00:12:48,989 --> 00:12:49,774 Did they say why? 285 00:12:50,172 --> 00:12:50,599 They did. 286 00:12:50,968 --> 00:12:57,341 And the main thing that we tried to focus on was, It's so easy for the 287 00:12:57,358 --> 00:13:01,131 culture in, in high school, I think particularly but you start to see it 288 00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:04,939 a little bit in middle school is it's, it's cool to, to be in a relationship. 289 00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:07,332 It's, it's a, a status change. 290 00:13:07,332 --> 00:13:09,772 It's a, a social factor. 291 00:13:09,794 --> 00:13:16,904 And so it becomes either something that everyone should be trying to be involved 292 00:13:16,906 --> 00:13:21,120 in, or, "Oh, I just gotta get, you know, some, some years under my belt with a 293 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,876 few people so I know what I'm doing," or, And it, it can als- almost be 294 00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:28,404 used as an excuse of, "Well, I'm just, this is good for me for my future." 295 00:13:28,404 --> 00:13:30,471 And, and that's not, that's not true. 296 00:13:30,898 --> 00:13:34,111 You're, you're putting someone else's potential future spouse 297 00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:37,082 at, at risk in a lot of different ways and as well as yourself. 298 00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:42,431 And so it w- yes, it was a unanimous, uh, no, it's, it is not, dating 299 00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:46,752 is not just to practice for, for marriage, especially as, as teenagers. 300 00:13:47,684 --> 00:13:47,953 Yeah. 301 00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:48,504 That was a… 302 00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:55,569 Hopefully, one of the major takeaways from the sermon was that dating is 303 00:13:55,570 --> 00:13:58,231 not marriage for teenagers, right? 304 00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:02,958 Dating is not just something teenagers do just for fun or just, like you 305 00:14:02,961 --> 00:14:09,017 said, Shay, to enjoy it or to Have this cool experience- Mm-hmm … or 306 00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:12,120 to get as close as they can to marriage without being married. 307 00:14:12,153 --> 00:14:12,485 Mm-hmm. 308 00:14:12,522 --> 00:14:14,693 And I think that's really what our culture does a lot of the time, 309 00:14:14,694 --> 00:14:17,483 is, um, it's really often selfish. 310 00:14:17,485 --> 00:14:19,622 I know one of the students in the group I was in, that's what he said. 311 00:14:19,623 --> 00:14:22,016 He said, "A lot of students date selfishly." 312 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:22,032 Mm-hmm. 313 00:14:22,032 --> 00:14:25,411 They're, they're dating because they want people to do something for them. 314 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:31,869 They want to get security or fun or pleasure or status from- Yeah 315 00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:33,890 being in these relationships. 316 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,513 And you mentioned that, seeing how f- how close they can get to that 317 00:14:36,513 --> 00:14:40,542 line before, crossing it and, you know, how much of marriage can I 318 00:14:40,553 --> 00:14:41,837 get before I'm actually married? 319 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,973 I think that was a really important point that you made because I see, we 320 00:14:44,973 --> 00:14:46,825 see that so often in our young people. 321 00:14:47,207 --> 00:14:48,752 Uh, it's what am I allowed to do? 322 00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:51,485 What am I, what am, what can I get away with? 323 00:14:51,518 --> 00:14:56,089 Or what is just enough before it's, you know, crossing the line? 324 00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:59,387 It's like, oh man, why are we, why are we even asking that question? 325 00:14:59,387 --> 00:15:01,979 Why are we trying to test, test the waters? 326 00:15:01,981 --> 00:15:07,100 And so I think sermons like these are, are really important to address 327 00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:11,025 this, that foundational piece before we even get into the, the, the 328 00:15:11,026 --> 00:15:12,947 practical advice of should I kiss yet? 329 00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,005 Should I, the, should I hold hands? 330 00:15:15,005 --> 00:15:17,726 You know, all, all the- Yeah … the fun specifics. 331 00:15:17,726 --> 00:15:18,431 The answer's no. 332 00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:18,945 No, I'm just kidding. 333 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,665 Um- All the, the rabbit trails, which are good. 334 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:23,615 Yeah, those are important conversations to have. 335 00:15:23,615 --> 00:15:23,665 But that is to come. 336 00:15:24,005 --> 00:15:27,877 And that kinda leads us to our last, this is the final high school question. 337 00:15:28,105 --> 00:15:32,292 So what we wanted to focus on with this last question was how would dating 338 00:15:32,292 --> 00:15:36,645 for clarity instead of closeness, so instead of treating dating like- Mm-hmm 339 00:15:36,654 --> 00:15:40,629 the teenage version of marriage- Yeah … how would that change how you date? 340 00:15:40,671 --> 00:15:43,676 And so I listed six questions underneath that. 341 00:15:44,201 --> 00:15:48,106 And these would be great for you, especially if your student is 342 00:15:48,645 --> 00:15:50,567 considering dating or is allowed to date. 343 00:15:51,025 --> 00:15:54,881 These would be great for you to talk over with them before they start dating. 344 00:15:54,893 --> 00:15:58,293 Or if you've got a student who's maybe younger, these would be great to kind 345 00:15:58,293 --> 00:16:01,973 of sprinkle in maybe throughout this series, um, just to kind of build… 346 00:16:01,987 --> 00:16:04,480 Or maybe you've never even considered your student dating before. 347 00:16:04,481 --> 00:16:07,512 Maybe you're a parent and you've got a junior higher or a high schooler, and 348 00:16:07,512 --> 00:16:10,076 you've never even thought about what do I tell my student about dating. 349 00:16:10,483 --> 00:16:14,890 These would be really good for you to answer as a parent so you know what 350 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:18,585 do I expect from my student, what do I want their dating life to look like. 351 00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:19,288 Absolutely. 352 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:24,718 And so hopefully I'm gonna figure out how to post this worksheet, um- … in 353 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,523 the show notes of this podcast. 354 00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:29,942 So you can see these questions there. 355 00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:33,882 What we would love for you parents to do with these questions is to think 356 00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:37,125 them through for yourself for what it's gonna look like for your students, and 357 00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:38,349 then talk about them with your student. 358 00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:41,568 Gi- you wanna give your student a, a, essentially, you wanna 359 00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:42,443 teach your student how to date. 360 00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:46,325 Yeah … and again, that's, we wanna do that, but that primarily 361 00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:48,296 is supposed to come from you, right? 362 00:16:48,296 --> 00:16:48,987 You're the parent. 363 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,359 Um, you're the authority. 364 00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:55,112 You're with them all the time, and so that's even better when it comes from you. 365 00:16:55,112 --> 00:16:55,934 We wanna help with that. 366 00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:56,627 We're gonna do that. 367 00:16:56,627 --> 00:16:59,129 We got our leaders that would love to talk about this with your student, that 368 00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:00,569 are talking about this with your student. 369 00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:06,459 But you, as a parent, it'd be so great if you could give your students 370 00:17:06,474 --> 00:17:10,133 a picture of what their dating should look like, and if you could 371 00:17:10,144 --> 00:17:11,665 be involved in that whole process. 372 00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:12,795 And that's something we're gonna emphasize. 373 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:16,751 That's that last question among these six, is how would other 374 00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:18,990 people be involved in your dating? 375 00:17:19,523 --> 00:17:21,143 Um, and that's gonna be something we're gonna emphasize for the 376 00:17:21,144 --> 00:17:24,704 rest of this series is t- that you need to date, um, in public. 377 00:17:24,769 --> 00:17:26,915 You- Yes, yeah … in the sense of not necessarily like, oh, 378 00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,342 you always need to hang out- 379 00:17:28,362 --> 00:17:28,777 in a group. 380 00:17:28,789 --> 00:17:30,564 But other people need to see your relationship. 381 00:17:30,565 --> 00:17:31,585 They need to- Yes … know you. 382 00:17:31,987 --> 00:17:35,389 Mm-hmm … and- Yeah, that's not just you as parents. 383 00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:38,078 It's, it's their friends, and, and mentors, and trusted 384 00:17:38,079 --> 00:17:39,057 people in their lives. 385 00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:45,125 And when our students isolate their relationships, it can become really 386 00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:49,899 dangerous whether it comes to sin problems or just there's a lack 387 00:17:49,899 --> 00:17:52,431 of direction in, in why they're dating and how they're doing it. 388 00:17:52,431 --> 00:17:57,912 And so having people involved to be that, uh, source of encouragement but also 389 00:17:57,912 --> 00:18:00,138 accountability is, is vital for sure. 390 00:18:00,139 --> 00:18:03,647 And I think another question that I appreciated that you included was the 391 00:18:03,658 --> 00:18:07,115 first one, which was what kinds of things would you talk about to, um, 392 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:08,949 date for clarity versus closeness? 393 00:18:08,952 --> 00:18:11,822 And the first thing that, at least I even k- uh, covered it with our middle 394 00:18:11,822 --> 00:18:14,929 school girls as well later on once small groups were done, was they all 395 00:18:14,931 --> 00:18:16,787 said their theological background. 396 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,262 And I thought that was cool that that was the first answer that they said. 397 00:18:19,372 --> 00:18:20,933 These are middle school girls, by the way. 398 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,490 These are middle school girls that are sa- I mean, yeah. 399 00:18:22,755 --> 00:18:24,144 It was, but it was encouraging. 400 00:18:24,248 --> 00:18:26,285 And then we kind of went into the details on that. 401 00:18:26,285 --> 00:18:31,628 But I think that that, for that to be top of mind was encouraging as a leader. 402 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:32,855 Yeah, that's great. 403 00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:37,752 Well, hopefully this episode was helpful for you. 404 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,681 If it's not or if it is, let us know. 405 00:18:40,747 --> 00:18:41,898 We'd love your feedback. 406 00:18:41,999 --> 00:18:45,065 W- This is our first time doing something like this, so, we're 407 00:18:45,072 --> 00:18:45,949 praying this is helpful for you. 408 00:18:45,949 --> 00:18:48,459 We're praying this series is helpful for you, and we're praying for your students. 409 00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:51,096 We want them to, um, date for God's glory. 410 00:18:51,099 --> 00:18:55,504 We want them to, trust the Lord with what they're doing and to do it for Him. 411 00:18:55,812 --> 00:18:57,676 And we want them to date for clarity 412 00:18:57,722 --> 00:19:01,318 so, we're praying for you parents, and I'm gonna do that right now. 413 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:07,914 Heavenly Father, we are so thankful for Your wisdom. 414 00:19:07,986 --> 00:19:10,951 We need Your wisdom as leaders, as parents, as friends. 415 00:19:10,952 --> 00:19:16,659 We, we are desperately in need of You, and we're grateful that You made us. 416 00:19:16,678 --> 00:19:17,620 You know how we work. 417 00:19:17,638 --> 00:19:21,708 You care about us, and so we can turn to You for all of our needs. 418 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:23,962 And so I pray for all of th- these parents of students. 419 00:19:24,275 --> 00:19:27,582 Um, like James 1 says, it says we should ask for wisdom 420 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,965 and that You give generously. 421 00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:33,079 And so we pray, God, that You give a lot of wisdom to our students 422 00:19:33,134 --> 00:19:36,581 and their parents, and that You help them to talk about this well 423 00:19:36,581 --> 00:19:40,084 with their students, talk about it tactfully, lovingly, compassionately. 424 00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:47,158 Um, and that you help our parents to pass on a great picture of what dating 425 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,628 should look like and what marriage should look like to these students. 426 00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:52,122 We pray this in Jesus' name. 427 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,139 Amen. 428 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:53,786 Amen. 429 00:19:54,016 --> 00:19:57,565 Well, hopefully we will have another one of these episodes for you after- 430 00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:58,716 It's a start … next week's sermon. 431 00:19:59,143 --> 00:20:00,056 I enjoyed this. 432 00:20:00,057 --> 00:20:03,261 I, I always love talking with, with my love. 433 00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:03,687 Oh. 434 00:20:03,687 --> 00:20:06,680 But, um, it's fun to do it in front of a mic, too. 435 00:20:06,742 --> 00:20:11,041 So, we'll hopefully catch you next time, um, after next week's sermon. 436 00:20:11,492 --> 00:20:13,102 So until then, so long. 437 00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:14,167 Bye, everybody