Welcome back to Unfolding. I'm Erica Voell and I use tools like human design coaching and reiki to help women in midlife say no to what drains them because they start to trust their decisions and understand their unique strengths. And together we clear old patterns so that. They can make confident decisions and start putting themselves first. Today we're talking about something that's very real for me, especially right now, and I know for a lot of people transitions, whether it's the end of the school year, kids graduating new jobs, shifting family dynamics, or even moving through perimenopause. Transitions are part of our life and they're everywhere right now, and they are very rarely simple. I love this quote from Rachel Hollis, "Moving doesn't change who you are. It only changes the view outside your window." And wow, that really hits home for me lately. This is a big season of transitions. Personally, I am shifting from full-time employment into full-time and it's scaring the crap outta me. And at the same time, I can feel this whole new side of me coming through. And I was listening to a podcast episode the other day with, uh, Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle. We can do hard things is our podcast. And they were talking about their book tour and they mentioned how the more anxious we are, the less we're able to think clearly, and it's part of the fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And I'm super excited about this next part, but yet my brain seems to only be able to focus on a few things, and I'm noticing this for some of my clients who are also navigating transitions too, whether it's career, parenting, a shift in identity from, you know, a mom with kids in school to empty nesters or even relationships and even with their bodies as they're moving through midlife. And here's the thing, transitions can bring so much and they bring up a lot of resistance to. And in our society we're told we wanna change, but our bodies are like craving that familiar. Even if we are miserable, we would rather clinging to the discomfort than to know that we could leap into something completely unfamiliar. I was talking to somebody recently and she was saying that she needs to make a change, and yet it felt epic to take that second step. Or even that first step. And they were so frustrated with themselves that they could not make that leap. And I said, but you what you know is comfortable, and even if it's making you miserable. And she said, "Erica, you're right." And I likened it to this old t-shirt that you have That looks terrible. It's holy, it's ill fitting. And yet it is the first shirt you pull out when you're feeling like crap, or it's your favorite one to go to bed because it makes you feel just so loved. And there's also this like grass is greener on the other side phenomenon. We think that a change will shift everything. We think we'll be smarter or happier or have more friends, and yet when we do make the change, things might not go as planned. We think that the change will actually change us like a change of location will like jolt us out of our old patterns and into new improved you. I can't tell you how many times I thought that moving to a new city or sending a new job or signing up for a new class would be the thing that finally unlocked the "new and improved Erica." Spoiler alert, it was still me. The same stuff dragged around with me. I moved to from city to city, apartment to apartment, and some things changed, like my address or a new skill that I learned if I was taking a class. But the old me that I wanted to escape was still there. The same old patterns were, I was ready to shed. They were still there. But as I've gotten older, I found that there's this. "New, improved self" is not what I needed. What I needed was to stop shoving the parts of me aside, the parts that needed that attention and to show them some love. Those are the parts that I have been told to tone down or that didn't fit the mold that I thought I needed to squeeze into. They were the parts that were like uncomfortable and unacceptable to others. But those are actually the parts that I've started to learn to embrace because they're actually what make me, me. In my coaching training, we did this super fun exercise where we explored all of our identities that we carry, like mom and wife for me and librarian and what were some of the other ones. But then I had to like exaggerate them to the extremes. So I went with a perfect wife or a good wife. Neither one of them felt totally like me because I don't feel like I'm the perfect wife. I feel like I have a lot of flaws, but it was really funny because it was really cathartic to see what standards I had been holding myself to, no matter how ridiculous they were. I did this collage with it and I had like the trophy wife and I had the Barbie, and I had. Like the fifties mom, who was so happy to make her children and her family dinner every week, every night. And meanwhile through the window, you can see this picture of the husband who is working on his car and he is so happy to be home. And I know that's not exactly how it is. But that's what we were sold. And I'm noticing this with clients too. There's this hint of wanting to put one of those new identities on, but maybe. Because it'll make the transition easier, maybe more digestible and less uncomfortable. But changes and transitions can also be fun, even if we are gritting our teeth and hoping that we don't fall over the edge. I am feeling that way right now. I am so excited to be moving from. Full-time librarian to full-time coach. And at the same time I'm just like, just hold on. It's gonna be okay. And when I work with clients, we look at several different areas that help us see how we're wired, our. Human design type, our authority, which is how we best make decisions, but also other parts of the chart, like the shapes that are called the centers. And these are all areas that give us clues about how we can move through that change without making it so drastic that you barely recognize yourself. And then when you make that, those drastic changes, nothing sticks. Like think about how many people lose 50 pounds. They've been on this very strict diet. But then when they start to re. Eat regular food, they start to gain the weight back. But if we make small and meaningful shifts, that's where the real work happens. That's where the real changes happen, and we start to notice how we're designed and not how we should be, but how we already are. And we use the things that already are to help build on that, and we notice where we might need a little extra love and where you might need your own version of that comfy t-shirt to help you ease this bumpiness of the transition. And yes, we talk about how you handle transitions and what fears come up. The There are fears in human design that actually show us what fears come up for you, and are you making decisions too quickly When you're really someone who's supposed to wait for me, I'm supposed to sleep on my decisions, but if I make a decision too quickly. I'm gonna come back to it and I'm gonna be like, Ugh, this is not making me comfortable. So through this transition, I am leaning on the parts of my human design that help me, will help me through this transition. I. Especially my problem solver and researcher profile, which is a five/ one, and part of me that knows I have this secret weapon to help people with practical solutions, and I'm trying to remember to use it on myself. It can be hard because for me, my life's work is. Through leading people and through working with people. Some, it's all about themselves. So this is keeping me motivated when I worry that I can't possibly be a full-time coach. And the more I have leaned in and learned about the channels, which are the lines that connect the shapes in your chart, the more I have began to love them. And these are the gifts that you're inherently born with. These are gifts you don't even know you have. You might know you have, but you don't realize that they're there because there's so much a part of you that you'd think that everybody has them, but you've really had them all along and no one has ever named them as gifts for you. And when I've worked with clients, this is where I see them light up. They're like. Oh my gosh, nobody has noticed that about me. How did you know that about me? It shows up in their chart and because these are things you don't have to learn. These are the things that you've always had that were just part of you. But now that you start to see them, they some, they become even more powerful. Clients will say things like, wait, not everyone has this, or I always thought this was just me. I didn't know I was anything special. Just noticing these gifts can be really, really powerful. A few of mine that did not make sense to me at first, but actually it makes sense to me a lot now, is I have the gift of vision and direction so I can lead others in helping gain their vision and move towards that vision. I also have a gift of patterns and rhythm so I can help others find a rhythm to their life. But I also thrive when I have a routine and a ritual. And I also have the gift of sensitivity. And it, it's a sensitivity to the needs of those around me. I. Can sense how people are, but I also, it's more of a collective sort of thing. So it's really, IM, it's something that I didn't even know I had. Like I can be in a group of people and I would be like, something is wrong. But others would be like, oh, no, no, no, that's not it. But I, and I was also labeled as a kid as being super sensitive. But then when I learned I have this gift of sensitivity, it made so much sense. I wasn't too sensitive. I was just being me, and that's why this work matters so much, especially during transitions. Because when everything around you is shifting, you need something that will bring you back to center. I am reading a book I have been for the last four or five months, called Your Soul Had A Dream And Your Life Is it. It's by Rebecca Campbell. It's her newest book, and she writes about the importance of honoring endings because we are so focused on this new thing that we are ready to jump forward, but we forget to acknowledge that the, the endings like we in our culture, we celebrate graduations, we celebrate re retirements, and we celebrate funerals. But there are very few rituals about shifting your career, becoming an empty nester, going from an employer to an entrepreneur, and right now I'm really like learning to release this 20 years of working in libraries. And even though I felt ready for this to leave for this, it's still a transition and it's one I want to honor. So I'm working on what will work best for me and how can I do this for myself. I am also leaning into on everything I have learned, coaching, reiki, human design, and the five element theory that we learned in our coaching training. I need grounding. My nervous system needs care, and I need more sleep. I'm also noticing that what season I'm in, in the five elements, there are five seasons and it's not the literal season that we're in. Yes, we are in spring right now, but it's the season that of the energy. Of this transition and for me it's fall. It's the season of shedding. And at the same time, I'm also in this late summer season, which is the season of harvest. And that's something I have been sitting with. 'cause not all endings are about releasing or letting go. Sometimes they're about the harvest, like celebrating what we've grown and tended to and brought to fruition actually what we did well saying, wow, that was good and that mattered. And from that place we get to ask ourselves, what am I bringing with me. because not every ending, do we just cut it off and go, we are bringing things with us, and what have I harvested from this season that's actually gonna nourish me for the next season? I mean, can you imagine what the trees would look like if they never released their leaves? We're not meant to be the same. And change can really be scary, especially if we're facing uncertainty. And after this fall season, after this shedding comes the winter season, which is like the void. It's this. It can be this feel like this in-between space, but there's so much that can simmer. I like to think about when you're in the shower, like focus on, you're focused on one thing or when you're driving in silence, you like have all these amazing ideas that come from these quiet moments and that void is where things can start to change and things can start to happen. I have been sitting with this image for a little while that's been. Just came to me when I was thinking about this episode. It's this old skin cracking open in a new layer emerging like crabs and snakes. They have to shed their skin so their newer self can emerge. And so I feel that cracking, but also like then there's this void and it's where the acorn is like resting in the winter 'cause. Without that stillness, then nothing could emerge. Like the tiny oak tree could not happen in spring, and we need that pause, that space like that right after the crab emerges. It's still very tender. It's still needs that. That time to adjust to its new body. 'cause it's not all about release, it's also about emerging and like, think of most of us are going through thi something like change. As long as it's on our own terms, we, we tend to like it if it's on our own terms. But the hardest part is when change is thrust upon us and that's when our nervous system gets really haywire and it can feel sometimes like the floor has been swept out from under us. And that's where we need to ask for help. And I, will be honest. It's very hard to ask for help sometimes, especially for women. We are conditioned to be the helper, not the one who is asking. We're the one who will step forward when people are asking for help. And I tend to only ask for help when I can't do something myself. I had hand surgery in January and it was really frustrating because I wanted to do everything myself, but I also realized I could not do things. I only had the use of one of my hands. So I've really prided myself on being independent. But when I asked for help, someone helped and it was so hard to receive it, but I was so grateful for people who helped me. But asking is really part of being human and during transitions, we need that community. We need those people to help us. So if you're in the middle of a transition right now, whether it's a big one or this quiet internal shift, I want you to know that you don't need to become someone new, like there's a new part of you that's growing underneath that shell. You just need to start to come home to yourself because you're going to be growing into something new. It might not be ready to crack open yet. And we don't always need reinvention in the self-help and, coaching industry. Like there's always this like, you need to reinvent yourself. You need to be this new woman. But sometimes we just really need to come back to ourselves and like really reclaim who we are and understand that we have our own rhythm, we have your own strengths and how knowing these will help you move through this transition with ease. And that's what I'm here for. I. So thank you for being here. If this resonated, feel free to share this episode with a friend, leave a review that would help other people find this podcast. And don't forget to click the plus sign to subscribe so that you don't miss out on the newer episodes. Talk to you soon.