In today's episode, we're delighted to welcome on Steve, who has been working with Kev in particular to build his driving confidence. So welcome, Steve. Thank you for coming along to this episode.

Hi, thanks for having me on.

Hi, Steve. Nice to see you again.

Hiya.

So, Steve, all I'm going to ask is, people that are listening to this, tell me sort of like the rough outline of just why you contacted us really. Yeah, and what was going on for you with your driving before you got in touch with us?

Yeah. So, I mean, I can go quite, quite far back when, start of my driving journey, I suppose, which was, You know, I started learning to drive as most people do when they're 17, it's pretty excited to get on with it, had. Not a great experience as my instructor at the time knocked my confidence quite a lot and essentially I just gave up Thought maybe this isn't for me and just left it there Yeah, fast forward about 20 years later With a baby on the way and you know realization that it's probably about time I got on with doing this yeah, I did decide to get on with it. I learned to drive. I passed. I was quite happy with with how it went. Didn't get a car initially. and in that time, kind of sat there. you know, the sort of. The fears that I maybe had previously started coming back, the anxieties I'd had previously started coming back, and I just kind of allowed them to spiral out of control really, where it got to the point where even getting in the car to drive, you know, out of the driveway was quite a daunting prospect that I had to really psych myself up for. so, yeah, that's kind of where I was at. And then I, yeah, came across you guys online and got in touch.

Brilliant. And I think it is great that you're able to share that and willing to share that with listeners, because I do think it's so easy to let things spiral quite quickly. And. And that is, our brain is all about safety, isn't it? And so your brain was intent on putting all these, you hadn't had the opportunity to practice driving very much for the first few months. And so it built up in your mind into a really, a real negative spiral, hadn't it?

yeah, absolutely. And, you know, when, when I learned to drive, it was very kind of, well, obviously it was, you know, in the local area, but it was all very sort of slow 20 mile an hour roads. And then, you know, which I thought was great at the time. So I was like, oh, this is kind of, you know, this kind of makes it easy, doesn't it? But then afterwards I sort of realized, oh, I haven't been on, like, yeah, You know, a dual carriageway or a motorway, so then that thought became really terrifying actually to the point where, you know, I would, I just wouldn't want to do it. I could, I could probably go out for a drive locally if I really had to, but I wouldn't, wouldn't even, wouldn't even contemplate the idea of going on, um, yeah, going on the motorway.

Yeah, because you'd never experienced it. And it's fear of the unknown, isn't it? And I remember when you first got in touch, one of the things you were very self aware, which was fantastic, because that did a lot of the work for us almost, because you were really aware of how, how you, what of your thinking patterns and what it was that you were thinking, and what it was that was holding you back. And also you did nip it in the bud quite quickly, didn't you? So. It was only a few months that this went on for before you sought help, and I think that was probably quite. Because it, you hadn't let it build up over years and years and years, like some people do. So then you got to work with Kev.

I did. Yeah.

You're so lucky. You probably didn't think that at the time. Just drive here, Stu, just drive there. You know, just drive down here. So how did we, I spent the day with Steve, and it really was about getting back the confidence and building up to drive on faster roads and hopefully gaining the confidence on those faster roads. So Steve, just quickly tell people what you thought of the day. What did you do? What did we do? Don't mention the pub.

It was, no, it was great. I mean, you know, we took it very slowly. I think I, you know, I was, I was pretty nervous about it, but I was also very eager to get it, to get it done, really. So, yeah, you know, we took it very slowly. I immediately felt comfortable when we got in the car. Beforehand, I'd been viewing it as almost like a driving lesson or a driving test. You know, I was like, it's going to be, it's going to be judging me and everything that I do. I very quickly realized that was not the case. and yeah, it became. You know, yeah, pretty comfortable and just got more and more comfortable and confident as the day went on. Really? And yeah, as you say, you just said, let's just drive somewhere you want to go to start with. You know, just drive around and then I think we did that for 20 minutes or so and then pulled up and you're like, right, where do you want to go? And then we just sort of took it from there. And yeah, you know, before, before I knew it, I was driving on the A3 and the M25. And I think, I think I turned around to you at one point and said, Oh, actually, this is better than driving, uh, driving on the local roads. It's much more fun.

So we, we started to enjoy it, didn't we? I think that was the, uh, and it wasn't as, it wasn't as bad as we was making out as well. Those faster roads, obviously they're different, but.

Yeah, no, it really wasn't wasn't bad at all. Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

And it sounds as if part of it was just getting that experience because you hadn't had it in lessons. So it's taking away the unknown and

Yeah.

practicing it really.

Yeah, exactly. And as you said, like, you know, the biggest one of the biggest factors with anxiety around lots of things is the fear of the unknown. and yeah, so once you could once I could get past that. It was, it just became so much easier and just so much nicer. And yeah, as you said, I was able to just actually enjoy myself, enjoy driving.

Oh, which is just, I mean, that's such a thrill, isn't it? to have somebody in a day go from feeling really nervous and worried about being judged to enjoying driving. Oh, that is. The ultimate really, isn't it? That's exactly what we're aiming for. So moving on from the day. what's it been like? Where have you been? What have you done? How are you feeling about driving since then?

Well, how long have we got? I've, I mean, I, yeah, I drive, I now drive to work twice a week, which is about 25 miles away, which involves going on the A3 and the M25. I've driven, I was saying to Kev actually a minute ago, I drove, We had a holiday booked, I think, for about a week and a half after I'd been out with Kev for the day, and we were planning to get the train to Gatwick. And a few days before, I just said, why don't we just, why don't we just drive there? Like, it doesn't cost, it costs about the same to pay for parking. So, yeah, kind of on a bit of a whim, we just, I drove to Gatwick. a week after that, I, Drove my wife and son to Heathrow, dropped them off, came back home on my own, drove to pick them up a week later. Yeah, I've just been kind of driving anywhere and everywhere to be honest.

Oh, it's brilliant. It's so fantastic to hear and that all of those things that you wanted, that was why you had your driving lessons in the first place, isn't it?

Yeah, and I think the biggest Yeah, the main thing about it is that I've just been really enjoying it, and it's almost like I look for reasons to get out and drive rather than reasons not to now, which is just, you know, I can't believe I'm saying it, really. Yeah,

I just drove to Gatwick and I drove to Heathrow

you know, it was nothing.

love that. That's fantastic. And before you got in touch with us, would you have thought that that was ever going to be possible?

Not really. No, certainly not. I certainly didn't think I'd enjoy it anyway,

Yeah.

you know, I thought, and, and yeah, I think there was definitely a point where I thought it's just not going to happen. Like, I'm just not, maybe I'm just not cut out for this. that was the thing that, that played on my mind a lot. So to go from that to, you know, not even two months later. Being to say I love driving is just incredible really.

Oh, it's brilliant. It's so good. And I can't help but think this is something that's transferable into other things as well. So when there are other challenges in the future, because life is challenging, isn't it? Without a doubt. So when there are other challenges in the future, this is something that you'll be able to look back on and think, Ah, well, you know, that's how I felt. But then with, some work, I felt completely differently. And so it might be something that you can transfer into other things in your life later on as well.

Yeah, absolutely I I completely agree and I think one of the one of the Sort of biggest things I kind of learned from this was actually listening to one of your other podcasts was it? It's uh, josh, joshua fletcher, isn't it anxiety? Josh? I think he's called on uh on instagram where he talks about the fear of Like fearing fear itself, and if you, you know, how you can sort of, you know, and I think that's the problem I had really was the, you know, the fear of, like, panicking in the car or something like that. and yeah, and I think you can, I can apply that to all sorts of different things, the fear of being afraid and realizing that actually that's not necessarily a bad thing.

absolutely. And that that is one of the real things about this. It was probably never about the driving. The driving is almost a red herring. It is that it's that not wanting to feel uncomfortable. It's that not wanting to feel the way that driving made you feel. And so it is. avoiding that feeling, as opposed to, it's not really about the driving. And once you can get the skills of driving and get to like it, then actually you stop fearing the fear as well. And

it has just given me confidence just generally, you know, so you feel like I've got the days that I drive. You know, into work or something, I've got a little extra spring in my step because I've just sort of, you know, I feel quite, quite pleased with myself that I've done it and just leaves you with a nice feeling for the rest of the day.

even me and Steve were talking and people at work are saying, who's that car outside?

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, that's my car.

Yeah,

drove it.

Yeah. And I just love that. I just love where you've come from and where you are now. It is, it is just brilliant. Yes. And that's why we, we do what we do. That's why we do what we do, isn't it? Yeah. Because it is changeable. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm so, so grateful to you both for helping me with this. It is, it has quite literally changed my life. So yeah, thank you. Thank you. Yeah, very, very grateful.

Thank you. Hello. We've got to ask a couple of questions, haven't we? So what we normally do, this is where, Tracy normally does this bit, but obviously I've been given the reins, so it'll probably go wrong with these questions now.

Okay.

so thinking back to your, your driving lessons, what's the one thing that you found most difficult? So,

Oh, gosh, that is, that is a tough question. One thing I found most difficult, I would say, The one thing I found most difficult consistently was just relaxing. Just, you know, stopping my body from being really tense the whole time, gripping the steering wheel, just kind of relaxing into it.

That's a really good answer because that is a problem for so many people and of course if you are holding yourself tight, nothing feels comfortable, does it? So it, yeah. It's like a white knuckle ride, isn't it, almost?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

and, and feeling like that does increase, that does change the way you feel as well, so that physical body posture will change the messages to the brain, so it makes you more on guard in a way, because you're, because, because you haven't relaxed into it. So yeah, great answer. So, did you find any strategies? What, how, how do you feel now? How did, what did you do? What have you done since to be able to feel more relaxed?

Well, I think generally just being more confident, obviously has made me feel more relaxed, but actually there's a tip that Kev gave me when we were out driving, When you said just grip the steering wheel really tight for a few seconds and then let go, not let go, but, you know, let go of the tension. so a couple of times I've done that actually, when I've sort of just noticed, you know, my shoulders are a bit tense or I'm just, you know, feeling a bit, maybe it's not even related to driving. I'm just feeling a bit stressed about something else. And I'll just do that for a couple of seconds and then release it. And I'm like, ah, it feels so much better.

And that is a great tip because when you tell yourself to relax, it's really hard to do, but it's actually quite easy to tighten up more. So in the tightness. that more is then easier to let go a little bit. So, whereas just trying to relax a bit from where you are is really hard to do. So, yeah, that's a, it's a great, it's a really handy tip. Tighten up more and then just, it's much easier to just release a little bit. So, brilliant. Fantastic. Steve, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your experience. And I think that that's going to be really inspirational for other people listening, just that idea that you can change the way that you feel about driving and you're living proof.

Yeah, absolutely. it's definitely possible. You can go from being terrified to even get in the car to a month and a half later driving to Heathrow airport and not giving it much thought. It's definitely possible. But yeah, thank you. Thank you both so much.

It was a pleasure, Steve. I really enjoyed the day. So thank you. Thank you.