You can choose to walk around with the story that

you've been ghosted and then go tell all your friends. Woe is

me. I'm a victim. I've been ghosted again. All these men are

ghosting. Or you can be the one who has that healthy, thriving

relationship internally, isn't waiting for somebody else to

validate them, but gives it to yourself. If someone does not

respond to you, you can bless them and set them free, send

them a final note. You know, whatever, but also know like you

know, even if someone disappears for from your life for a while,

you may hear from them again, but it's like you decide what

matters to you and what's important to you in relationship.

Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the new truth. Kate Harlow, here I'm

hanging out in my beautiful little burrow in Nairobi, Kenya.

My cottage is heaven. I'm still in love with it. In case you

were wondering how it was feeling. It's my second week

here, and I just feel like this is my soul's home. I'm so I just

feel so alive here. And I if you listen to the episode last week,

if you haven't listened to it, I go back and listen to it about

trusting your heart, because my saboteur was so loud before I

moved here, my, you know, she was coming up with all the

reasons why I should stay in Greece, should stay in Athens

all the things I was giving up and, you know, sitting on the

other side. And I'm sure I said this exact thing last week, but

I'll just keep reiterating it. Sitting on the other side. I'm

remembering your body and your heart. Know the way, and it

doesn't make sense to the logical mind. It doesn't make

sense to the scripted woman you've been taught to be. It's

not going to make sense. She's going to want to do bold things.

She's going to want to do courageous things. She's going

to want to do weird and wacky things that make no sense to

your mind. But your mind doesn't need to get on board because

you're it will catch up later. What needs to get on board is

your your your whole being and your actions aligning with those

pulses in your heart and those truths in your body. So yeah,

couldn't be happier just feeling so so grounded and so connected

and have made so many friends already. And just it's just like

this feels like such a fertile, rich place where there's so much

nature and so much love and so much creativity and

collaboration. So if you're longing for some of that, come

visit me and excited to have this conversation with you today

about being ghosted, the truth about being ghosted, because I

hear this term so often, and you know, as some I can even use it

in a in a calm, in a humorous way, like, are they ghosting us

or whatever? It's like, kind of a funny term, but you know, when

you think about it, people have been bad at communicating since

the beginning of time, but probably, I think, with the

modern age of technology, I think communication skills have

plummeted, and the reason for that is because most people are

so overwhelmed. We are over stimulated. We are overwhelmed.

We are over connected. Like, if you actually think about it,

when I grew up and I'm dating myself for those Gen Z's on on

the on the line, you're not gonna even I said on the line

like you're on a phone Gen Z's who are tuning in today, you're

not going to know what I'm talking about. But there was a

time where we didn't like, I think there was a time where my

family didn't even have an answering machine. We just had a

phone, just like, call your buddy a phone with a cord

attached to the phone. You know, there was a time we didn't have

portable phones. You couldn't walk around the house and talk

on the phone. You had to sit in one spot and you didn't have

call display, so you didn't know who was calling. You just had to

answer all the calls or ignore all the calls. And if, if there

was no answer machine, they couldn't even leave a message.

So like, this is what the world used to be like it used and

before, you know, I don't know what year phones were invented,

but before that, there were no phones. So think about that for

a second in contrast. And that wasn't that long ago, okay, I'm

44 so that was like the first, I don't know, 15 years of my life,

not 15, maybe 10 years of my life, where we didn't have a

portable phone, we didn't have an answering machine. That was

like 35 years ago. 35 years ago. That's not that long that that's

how communication used to be. You know, you'd see people when

you'd see people, you'd bump into them at the grocery store,

you'd see them at school. You'd see, you know, the neighborhood

kids, but you wouldn't be in touch with 10 million people at

once. So I didn't plan to start with this, as I don't usually

plan much of what I'm going to say. But this is the first thing

that cut that's coming through is that there's such expectation

and such such demand on people responding immediately, and if

they don't, it means something. And you know, with WhatsApp, you

have blue two blue check marks, you know, if someone's seen your

message. And you know, people freak out if they don't get a

response, or if they don't hear from people. But I just think.

Like, actually tune into how busy you are in your life, and

how many places people can message you, and how many people

are messaging you every day, on Instagram, on Facebook, on

email, on texting, on WhatsApp, on Viber, on Voxer on frickin

those ones that are aren't encrypted or whatever, but I

don't know the names of all of them, but they're, you know.

Think about all the places that we can be reached nowadays, and

all the open loopholes, those messages that are open, that you

you know, maybe haven't gotten back to. I forget to respond to

people all the time. You know, I certainly have my, probably my

top five people who I talk to every day, my mom and dad, my

Mariana. That's it. That's those. Actually, those are the

only people I talk to every day. Changing a little bit with my

girls that are in Kenya with me. But it's like, do you have your

regular people that you're just used to responding and going

back and forth. But then you have the outer, you know,

everybody else, and it's like it is so overwhelming. How many

people can get in touch with us from so many places? On one

hand, it's an extraordinary gift, right? It's an

extraordinary gift being in 2025 being able to travel the world,

meet people all over the world and stay in touch, right? To be

able to have friends that live everywhere, how cool is that?

And simultaneously, it's incredibly overwhelming. So if

you think about how busy you already are, and then all of the

things you have going on, and then all of the people who are

trying to get in touch with you, it is absolutely insanely

unrealistic that we put expectations on ourselves to

respond immediately or even within a day to people's

messages. And also so disruptive, right? If you would

just have your phone by you all the time, and you're like

constantly in other people's worlds, messaging that person,

that person, this thing, this thing. I mean, how disruptive is

that to being grounded in yourself and in your life. And

then on top of that, you know the the expectation to to

respond when our lives are so full, and the expectation we

have on other people to respond to us. So the reason ghosting

hurts, and you know that term is such a funny term, I'm sure,

like some tick tock or some, I don't know, someone made it up

online, and it just went viral really fast, because that term

did not exist. I think it's been around for like, maybe 10 years.

But the term ghosting is so funny because, first of all,

it's a victim it's a victim mentality. It's like, I have

been ghosted. This thing has happened to me. I'm a victim of

this thing. But the reality is, you know, we only it only has

impact on us if we make meaning of it and take it personally,

right? If someone doesn't respond. And of course, when you

have romantic feelings for someone, your your desire to

hear back from them is going to be heightened, yes, your

expectation, your the pressure to have them respond in a

certain way and a certain time, because you're if you they're

not, your saboteur is going to be making meaning of that,

right? So it's not the actual thing that hurts, it's the

meaning that you're making of the thing. Because here's the

reality, there's it doesn't mean anything. I have a great example

of this. I wasn't ghosted, but I guess you could look at it this

way. I met this okay, I want to call them a couple. There were

not a couple. Woman and man, very cool. Loved them, both from

Kenya, or they live. They both live in Kenya. Think he's from Kenya,

but they were very cool. They live in Nairobi, and we had a

sweet chat at the end of the wedding, Elizabeth's wedding I

went to at Ola pangi farm here in Kenya when I first got here a

couple weeks ago. And they were so cool. We had the best

conversation. And he took my phone number and was like, hey,

we'd love to connect you when you're in Nairobi, whatever. And

I woke up the next day and I was like, Oh, I wish I got his phone

number. Like, I hope I hear from him. He was so cool, not because

I want to date him or anything like that, but you like that,

but just because they're they were both so cool, and I'm

expanding my community, and I really enjoyed their energy, and

I thought it would be so great to stay in touch. I didn't take

his number. He didn't he messaged me yesterday and that

it's been like, three weeks since the wedding, or two weeks

since the wedding, I don't know how long, but, you know, no part

of me was like, Oh, he's ghosting. He's disappeared. It

was just like, okay, he'll message me, or he won't, and

I'll bump into him again, or I won't, and her and, you know,

connect with this cup. Okay? Not a couple. I keep thinking

they're a couple because they were together at the wedding,

but I'll either reconnect with them or I won't. There's this,

like, level of non attachment that I always carry, even when

I'm inside of a relationship, right? It's like, I've got me,

so no matter what happens, I've got me. I don't have to worry

about somebody else, you know, somebody, if I'm dating someone

and they take three days to text back and we've been dating for

three months, okay, that's not aligned. I like consistency.

Consistency is important if i. In a romantic like, actually a

committed relationship with someone, but also it's, it's not

personal if I don't hear back from them, right? So that's the

practice is to know that, first of all, most people suck at

communication. Have you noticed? And I wonder why? Like, did

anybody teach us anywhere along the lines how to communicate?

Well, no, no one taught us how to communicate. No one taught us

how to navigate all the big feelings we have. No one taught

us how to navigate when, you know, I'm so, let's say a lot of

instances, I think people ghost because they've moved on to

someone else, or they're not interested anymore, and they

they feel bad saying that, or they don't want to be

uncomfortable with going through like having that conversation.

Maybe that person grew up with a mom or a dad who didn't ever it,

didn't, ever let them have their own truth, right, who gaslit

them and told them, you know, they couldn't have what they

wanted, they couldn't do what they wanted, and never let them

go their own way and follow that inner compass. So if someone

grew up with that, and they feel like everyone they meet is going

to convince them to go against their truth, what's easier

trying to convince people or just disappearing, right?

Someone who's like a people pleaser even could do that

because there's they're so nice and kind that they don't want to

face someone's upset. They don't want to have someone try and

twist their arm, because if they're not solid in themselves

and they're living from their patterns, that's what happens

where most people are out there in relationships, dating from

patterns. So if the alternative is someone's going to change my

mind, or I'm going to have to be really uncomfortable and witness

someone be devastated by this information, I'm just gonna

disappear into the bushes. That seems way easier, like I get

that doesn't that make sense like that when, when you

actually think about it like there's a deeper reason why, you

know, okay, some people are just extreme narcissists, and they

actually do not give a fuck about your feelings. They're

just in their own worlds, in their own everything's about

them, which that's that exists too, and if that's the case,

this is really good information to know, right? Okay, this

person doesn't care about me or my experience, so that therefore

they're actually not aligned to be in even a friendship with me,

if they're not caring or considerate of my own

experience. But this is so important, right? It's like you

can't know that to be true, that they don't care about your

experience. Some people do care, but they just suck at

communicating. They don't know how to be clear and solid in

their truth, but also be kind and loving and hold space for

your experience and your feelings. So the reason why

people don't communicate and they just disappear is because

it's it just seems easier to them for some reason, but it

doesn't mean anything about you. So the real reason why something

like ghosting people disappearing and not

communicating really hurts. And I get it. I mean, I know that

there's so many stories of people who've been in

relationship with people for a long time, and then they just

disappear like that's devastating. And the reality is

when you have your own back, which obviously the new truth

every episode is about, when you have your own heart, your own

self, and you are with you at all times, even when somebody

else disappears, an adult cannot be abandoned. It's only the

child part of you, the Wounded Little girl inside, that feels

abandoned, and if she doesn't have your heroine in my speak

your the sovereign woman inside of you there to comfort her in

those times she's just going to be waiting for the next hit from

the guy, waiting for that person to come back, longing for

someone else to fill that void, right? It's only the wounded

part of you that feels abandoned. Because, yeah, of

course, when we are ghosted and it deeply hurts, if most of the

time we feel abandoned, it's an abandonment wound, or it's a

like, am I not good enough? Am I not worthy? And what does your

saboteur do in that instance? Most of our saboteurs take this

thing that happened and use it as ammunition against ourselves,

right? We use it to punish ourselves further. We use it to

be like, See, you're not worthy. That guy just disappeared.

You're you know, you suck. No one's ever gonna love you. Or we

use it as ammunition against men or women or whoever you're

dating, but it's like we use it as ammunition. See, there's no

good men out there. There's no good men left on planet Earth.

Everyone's assholes. Nobody cares anymore. This is just the

dating world. This is just what's out there. And then you

add it to your collection of stories, and then what do you

keep getting the same thing, because you believe that to be

true, and therefore that's what you attract, right? But

something else is possible here. This is a moment. This is an

opportunity for you to clean up your side of the street. Wait.

Where did I have expectations? Right? Where was I not allowing

this relationship to organically unfold? If I am attached to this

person showing up in the way I want them to so I feel better.

That's not love, that's attachment, that's a little kid

attached. I need you to give me something so that I feel good,

so that I know that I'm worthy, so that I know that I'm lovable,

so that I know that I have value. I need you to keep

showing up, right? And so the sovereign woman, like you're

always looking through two lenses. The little girl looks at

that situation is like, this thing happened to me. Oh, my

God, it's this. This thing is happening everywhere. Everyone's

ghosting everyone, and it becomes this big drama, and it's

like, Oh, I've ghosted again. And it goes to your story bank,

and you tell everyone, and you complain about men and or the

sovereign woman sees it as, oh, okay, thanks. This is really

great information. Thank you for showing me who you are. Thank

you for showing me your capacity. Thank you for showing

me your desire and your truth. And you know, yes, it wasn't in

the way that I would have preferred, and I'm not in charge

of how every human being on planet Earth behaves around me.

What a setup right to feel bad about ourselves. So this is an

opportunity for you, your sovereign woman. So the little

girl feels what she feels, and this is not to negate your

feelings. You let her feel her feelings, and you let her vent.

You let the saboteur vent all the stories that she's made up

about men, about you, about life, about dating, about being

alone forever with nine cats. You let your saboteur vent in

your journal. Get it out, get all the stories out. Then what

do I feel underneath? What am I believing about myself? What am

I? How am I making this mean something about myself? What

does this mean about me?

And then you feel your feelings. If you want to have a big cry,

if you want to move the energy through your body, put on some

music and move the energy through your body, and then you

connect with that sovereign woman who is always inside, you

know, and this is the work that I do with women, is learning how

to live from what I call your heroine. She's the sovereign

woman. She's always available to you. And if you're waiting for

some guy or some romantic partner to make you feel safe in

the world, to feel, make you feel validated or loved or

worthy or enough, or any of those things. It it will never

happen. You will never have that because it doesn't come from

outside of you. It can only come from inside. And this is the

only way that you will be equipped for a thriving

relationship, is if you are solid with this relationship

inside the relationship between the sovereign woman, your

heroine, and that Wounded Little Girl and your saboteur, that is

the most important relationship. It is the root of all

relationship challenges. So now you let the sovereign woman

speak to that little girl, and you let her know that she is

safe because you've got you I had the stomach flu yesterday,

like, or like some African bug, I don't know. I was so sick, and

the whole time, I was holding myself, and I was like, I love

you. I've got you. Thank you for healing. Thank you for moving

this through my body, like I was talking to my body, talking to

my heart, talking to myself, rather than letting the little

girl in savagery take over and be like, Oh my god, I'm alone in

a foreign country and I'm gonna die like I didn't feed the fear

based stories. I fed love. And you always have that option to

feed love to yourself, so you can choose to walk around with

the story that you've been ghosted and then go tell all

your friends. Woe is me. I'm a victim. I've been ghosted again.

All these men are ghosting, or you can be the one who has that

healthy, thriving relationship internally, isn't waiting for

somebody else to validate them, but gives it to yourself. If

someone does not respond to you, you can bless them and set them

free, send them a final note. You know, whatever, but also

know, like you know, even if someone disappears from your

life for a while, you may hear from them again, but it's like

you decide what matters to you and what's important to you in

relationship and in relationship, this is actually

something my my bestie, Mariana, spiritual teacher, used to say

it is up to the most conscious person in the relationship. Carl

wolf was his name. He's since passed. But it is up to the most

conscious person in the relationship to hold the

consciousness in the relationship, right? So even if

you're dating and your three dates in, check yourself, right?

If someone is disappearing, look at your text thread, sit with

the energy of, was it the sovereign woman who is in

convert conversation with this person, or was it the Wounded

Little girl who was like trying to get more trying to prove

herself, trying to shape shift, trying to impress him, trying to

get more attention, trying to like? Were you anxious in that

dynamic? Because this is also another important piece to the

because really ghosting is an avoidant tendency. People, the

avoidant pattern is just as painful as the anxious pattern.

It just looks different, right? To an anxious person, avoidance

looks real cool. It's like, Oh, my God, I wish I could be

avoidant. You know, it looks less painful. People that are

avoidants are in equally as much pain internally. They. Strategy

just looks different on the surface, right? So somebody

who's ghosting you, who does not know how to communicate, hey,

thank you so much for the time we had together. It just is not

feeling aligned for me. But I wish you all the best, or I

really appreciate all the time. And here's what I love about you

and but you know, I'm clear that this is not for me moving

forward, whatever, like, that's you. That's great modeling that

you can do if you want to communicate to someone else. But

you know, if you look at someone who is an avoidant, they look

like cool as a cucumber, like they don't give a fuck. And

maybe, if they have some personality disorder, maybe they

are not connected to giving a fuck. But a lot of people do.

I've met so many avoidants. I've worked with so many avoidants,

and they're just like, they go into freeze mode and they shut

down, or they flee, they flight mode, they flee and they run.

But like, not because, not because they're an asshole, not

because they hate the other person, not because they, you

know, think you're unworthy, or whatever, because they are

something has triggered them, and they don't know how to move

through it, right? Most people are just a bunch of like wounded

kids walking around with patterns, survival patterns,

trying to do relationships. So I encourage you to learn how to do

relationship really well, and so you can be the model and help

other people break down how they do relationship. So, you know, I

think of Patricio like he changed so much in our

relationship. My last partner of three years in Greece, he was so

he was more of an avoidant. When we met, he told me he's never

been friends with an ex. He'll never be friends with an ex. And

he told me that our whole whole relationship, and now we're

like, dear friends, and he's like, so loving and so

supportive. And he's like, wow, I never thought I'd be able to

do this, but it's just because he moved through his patterns

being in charge, and now he's living his life with his heart

open, right, grounded in who he is. He's not trying to protect

himself from anything. So the same is possible for you, and

you can help other people heal their wounds just by you being

different. So if you keep attracting avoidant people who

disappear, it's time to look at your side of the street, because

most likely, you've been in your anxious attachment style, which

gets deeply triggered by the avoidant attachment style. So if

your anxious attachment style is up, that is like, like, why

isn't he texting? Why isn't he texting? Oh, I'm gonna send

another message. I'm gonna send it out. I gotta get this thing

from him. I gotta need to get closure. I need to get this

thing from him, or I'm not gonna feel better. It's this like,

anxious energy. I need to get this thing to feel better. There

is a wounded little girl who has the wheel, and it is so

important that you rebuild and repair your relationship with

her. This is how you have secure attachment style. I hear so many

women say, I just want a secure partner, and I'm like, Baby, you

become secure within yourself. You build that healthy secure

attachment relationship internally, and you will attract

someone else who is secure too. That's the secret. It's not

looking for the safety out there. Certainly women have been

brainwashed to look for the safety in men. And there was a

time not that long ago where our safety was in being in

partnership because we had no rights. But we live in a very

different time, and your safety is no longer in a relationship.

Your safety is in a relationship with yourself, and so when you

are have been ghosted, quote, unquote, when somebody's

communication has shut down. First, know that it's not

personal. Second, let your saboteur have her vent. Let that

little girl have her cry, have her feelings, share the anxiety

she's feeling, what she's making it mean. Move the energy through

some embodiment. Practice, yoga, meditation, dance, move. Just

move. Movement. Sound, singing like just move the energy of the

feeling, crying, screaming, whatever you need to do, and

then connect with that sovereign woman who's already inside of

you. She was always inside of you. There is a very loud

airplane flying over my place right now, but the microphone

usually doesn't pick up background noise sounds like

it's about to land on my house. Okay, it's gone. She's always

inside of you, and she's there waiting for you to to let her

heal your heart, lead your life, make new choices, choose new

partners, choose new people. She's waiting to help you. Like,

that's the beauty of the work I do with women. It's like, the at

the beginning, they're like, Oh, I just have to find myself. I

have to find her. Like, that's not there anymore. Lost who I

am. And it's like, no that that sovereign heroin. Woman is

inside of you. She's just waiting for your permission to

let her lead your life. And so when this little abandonment

wound gets activated, or big abandonment wound, when you feel

unworthy, unlovable, when you hate men, when you whatever

arises when you've been. And ghosted, quote, unquote, when

someone's disappeared in their communication, you can choose to

stay in the story and be in the drama of it. And that's how we

are the creators of our own reality, that we become like our

lives become like drama reality TV shows. And that's how most

women bond. I've talked lots about that on the new truth, but

like most women are out there bonding by complaining and

talking about drama to their friends. Oh, here's the thing

that happened to me at work and happened to me in my

relationship, and happened to me dating and happening and blame,

blame, blame, blame, drama, drama, drama. You can choose

that path. Okay, that's the path of this habitat, which is like,

I'm not responsible for my experience. I'm a victim to

life. Life is just happening to me. I'm constantly in chaos. Why

is my life so chaotic? Why do I feel so bad? Well, it's because

you're creating a reality TV show in your head, because your

life is a reality show. Or you can start to take full

responsibility for your life, right? And ghosting is such a

perfect example of this, right? It's like, take full

responsibility. Like, where did I have expectations on this

person? Like, what meaning Am I making of their behavior?

They're just being who they are, and I'm learning who they are.

And I had a fantasy about who I thought they were supposed to

be, and I made up the story that they were this amazing person

that was this and the other, and they were the love of my life,

and they were the one and and I projected that fantasy story

onto them, and then they stopped showing up for me, and they

start, started changing their behavior, and I was mad because

they didn't match up to the fantasy in my mind of who they

were versus the sovereign woman's like, Oh, okay. You

communicate once a week when you're in a committed

relationship with someone, I'm not really into that. I prefer

consistency. I don't mean codependency. Codependency is

toxic, where you're constantly, like, waiting for a response,

versus consistency, someone who's thinking about you and

checks in, you know, in response to your messages. You know, in a

reasonable time, especially if you're in a committed romantic

relationship. So it's okay to have that's those are standards,

right? But you're the sovereign woman isn't trying to contort

the person who's not showing up into the person who should show

up and being mad at them for not being who we projected them to

be like. It takes a long time to get to know someone. How someone

shows up on the first couple dates changes when their shit

starts to come up, right? Most people are in the honeymoon. On

the first few days, the honeymoon is a fantasy. It is

the fantasy phase. So if someone is different, this is the story

I hear all the time about ghosting. Oh, he showed up so

fully. He was so romantic. He was amazing love bombing. He was

amazing in the first like month. And he was obsessed with me. And

it was this, not the other codependency. Did fantasy? All

of that is fantasy. And they were like, get also hooked in

you're obsessed with each other, texting all day, every day. Not

healthy, right? Like, all of that stuff is not healthy.

That's only a little princess in a tower that wants that kind of

love. It's not actually healthy. We think it is, because that's

how it happens in the movies. It's just like, oh, consuming

Oh, like, You complete me. Oh, like, that's that's not a

sovereign person, but they're in fantasy, and then they change,

and we're mad that they changed, but like, who they show you in

the beginning is not who they are. That's why you can't know

if someone's the love of your life in the first five minutes

or five dates or five months. You can't know, maybe, on some

soul level, that you had a really intense soul connection,

maybe, like, let's say, 30 years from now, you're like, I knew on

the first date, but you can't actually know how it's gonna go.

You know when people say that, that they knew there's like,

they knew there was something special here, but they cannot

know how the human experience is and how you're gonna navigate

life challenges, and if this is actually a compatible

partnership, and if you're going to grow together through

everything that life brings, you can't know that. You can't know

that till later, and you don't need to know that. And how

boring, if we just predetermine what our future is going to be,

rather than be in the excitement and the beauty and the juice of

letting your life organically unfold. My God, I didn't even

know anything about Africa freaking other than I took,

actually, I took African dance classes, which is funny, with

amazing woman named Jackie from Cameroon in Vancouver, like, 15

years ago, I took African dance lessons for like two years, and

I was obsessed with it, and then I completely forgot, and nothing

on my radar about Africa and and now I live here, and I'm over

the moon like so aligned. You don't know what the future

holds, and you don't need to know, because guess what? My

love, it's way more beautiful than you could ever imagine. If

you let go of that script and you let life carry you, and you

let so someone disappears from your life. They were not meant

to be in your life anymore. If they actually stop texting and

you never hear from them again, okay, bless them and set them

free. Write them some letters. Tell them thank you for the

experience. Thank you. Thank you. Be an appreciation for the

things that you did that felt good, but then take this space

as information. Information as to how they do relationships,

what they have capacity for, who they really are, be appreciative

of what was, and then open yourself to what's next. Because

what's next is better, but it's not better if you stay in the

story. It's not better if you stay in the dramatization of the

ghosting, if you're still in the Oh, my God, I was ghosted and

like, Oh, these every men ghosts. And online dating is the

worst, and men suck, and there's no good men left on planet

Earth, or women, or whoever you're dating, it is if you stay

in the story, you're limiting yourself to being in the script.

You're missing out on the magical adventure that your soul

is longing for your soul is longing for love in every form,

not just in a romantic relationship, a life you love,

love within yourself, love within your community, love

within your friendships, love within your soul, expression and

create, creative expression in the world, there's so much love

available to you, and it's not going to come in just One

person. And if you are codependent, if you have a

mundane life that you don't love, and then you have guys you

date, or relationships, and that's your everything. That's a

setup. That is the biggest setup. But when you are full

inside of yourself, when you are aligned inside of your life, you

won't perceive it. If someone doesn't text you back, you won't

even frickin notice. You won't notice. Like, if I forget to

text people back, they write me and they're like, Hey, Kate,

like, I didn't hear back from you. It's like, a month later,

and I'm like, oh, cool, sorry, thanks for your patience. Like,

I completely forgot. Like, it's not, not personal. You know it

never, never is. If I don't, if I'm mad at someone, I'll tell

them I'm not going to disappear. And if someone else is mad at

you, and they disappear, that's really good information. That's

called the avoidant isolator. Isolators disappear because it's

so much more painful. The idea because they're not rooted in

their sovereign woman or man, is so much more painful for an

isolator avoidant to have to communicate truth, and like I

said earlier, face being challenged, or having someone

else show their feelings and the devastation on the other side of

that that is so much more painful for them, so it's easier

for them to just disappear. So stop taking it personally. It is

not personal. There is a book called The Four Agreements. If

you have not read it yet, you need to read it. Don Miguel

Ruiz, it's super simple. That was my awakening book The Four

Agreements. The agreements are, don't take things personally,

don't make assumptions. Always do your best and speak with I

think the last one is about integrity, but anyways, but the

first two don't make assumptions and don't take things

personally. Nothing is personal. Everybody's living in their own

saboteurs with their own patterns and their own pain.

It's not about you, right? You can either listen to Linda

upstairs, your saboteur. Sorry for those of you named Linda.

Listen Linda. There's a YouTube video of a little kid going,

listen Linda to his mom. If you haven't seen it, it's hilarious.

So I'm using Linda as the saboteur name. But listen, Linda

like that is I hear you that you're that you believe all of

these things, because this person disappeared, and it felt

so good, I'm going to actually look at my side. Where was I in

fantasy? Where was I projecting into the future. Where was I

having expectations? Where was

I shape shifting? Where was I showing up in my saboteur trying

to get love, trying to get approval, trying to get

something because it's an energetic right? We don't really

attract people who are avoidant. When we're secure, when you have

that secure whole relationship inside of yourself, you're not

going to attract that, and even if you do, you're not even gonna

care. It's like, Oh, thanks for showing me who you are. Bye, we

might have some feelings if you felt strongly for the person,

but you know, it's so much of our feelings, especially in the

first like beginning of a relationship, our fantasy, our

projection into the future, our projection of who we think this

person is, because we felt good when we first met them, right?

So, so check, check yourself. What is my side of the street?

Where did I show up as the Wounded Little Girl in the

saboteur? And how can I start to mentor her and love her and let

her know she's safe and that I've got her no matter who shows

up in our lives, if you have yourself, nothing can be taken

from you. And they say, you know abandonment happens when we're

kids, you can be abandoned, of course, because you are not

safe. As a child, without adults present. However, as an adult,

you cannot be abandoned. If someone leaves, it's because

they chose to leave, even if they didn't write a note or tell

you that they're leaving. That's still their choice, and they did

it in the way that worked for them. And if it doesn't work for

you, you got to work with that internally, because people are

going to show up, but they're often mirroring your own

patterns. They're going to show up how they show up, and you're

going to learn more about yourself, and you're going to

learn more about what matters to you, and then you stand in that

sovereignty, like, Okay, I. When I attract love, what's important

to me is someone who's an amazing communicator, someone

who knows how to clearly communicate, how to share when

something's to know how to be kind and considerate, but also

own their side of the street and stand with and for themselves,

just like I'm going to so I hope this episode expanded you

remember, it's all an inside job. It is always an inside job.

You have to take responsibility for your part and get out of the

victim stories and the dramatization and all the

fantasy and all the BS that we are immersed in when it comes to

everything in life, but definitely relationship, dating

and love. So love. You so much. Share this with every woman you

know, and also if you're enjoying season two, no season

three, the new truth, I would love to have a review. Send

reviews. You can do them on any of the platforms you listen to

the the episodes on, but reviews are so helpful for growing the

podcast. Actually, we just learned that yesterday in a

meeting with my podcasting company. So would love it if you

could share the spread the word with all your gal pals and write

a review. Would be amazing. And also, I'm always, always ears to

hear episode desires or anything you love to hear anything you

want to hear about, send me a message on Instagram or

Facebook. Kate Harlow, the unscripted woman, love you.

We'll see you next week.