Andrea Rappaport (00:00)

In mini episode time,

we're going to bring you something later and uplifting because this past week, man, we had a heavy conversation about betrayal and affairs and all that stuff. So we realized that you need a little boost. You need something to look forward to, some light at the end of the tunnel. And who best to give us light at the end of the tunnel than Morgan with a real life story of a client who

didn't know whether things were ever gonna get better. But wait for it, it did.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (01:09)

⁓ put me on a pedestal and make me feel very anxious right now that it's got to be a good story. When you asked me to tell the story of somebody whose life has gotten better, I kind of stepped back for a second and I was like, well, that's pretty much most of my clients, especially about five years post their divorce. They're just thriving. But I really wanted to highlight this one client that I vividly remember.

And I'll give you his story. Let's call him Chad. If you're new to us, we always talk about Chad and Brenda.

They're a fake divorce couple. I had Chad at this point. And Chad did not want a divorce at all. And there were kids involved. And there was nothing crazy going on. It's just that Chad's wife, Brenda, just for some reason was no longer wanting to be married to Chad. And Chad was a successful business person.

had a great business, a lovely human in general, but the minute the divorce happened, he just shut down. He totally shut down. he would go through these depressive episodes during the divorce where I couldn't even get in touch with him. And we had to have different codes. before I would call him, he would get really nervous when I would call him. And so I would have to text him to say, hey, nothing bad is happening.

I'm not delivering bad news, but I do need to speak with you on a few things. So I'd have to give him an update. I actually, there were days that he wouldn't even pick up my phone calls, my text messages, nothing.

Andrea Rappaport (02:43)

Can you start

talking to me that way? Because I feel like that would be so helpful for my life, just ongoing.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (02:49)

Hi, Andrea, everything is wonderful. Everything is great. But I'm going to be calling you for some decisions. Yeah, so this is so unlike me. And you'll know this. But this is what we were dealing with. We were dealing with this really tricky client trying to get him through this divorce process when all he wanted to do was stick his head in the sand. And I remember a conversation. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to put some humor into this to see if I can break through a little bit. Because I knew deep down, ⁓

Andrea Rappaport (02:52)

Thank you. Thank you.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (03:15)

He was a good person. He was a funny guy, but this divorce was just tearing him apart. So at one point I said, hey, Chad, you know, I don't know how to kind of talk to you. I kind of feel like I'm on The Bachelor right now and I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to get that rose. And I never know if I'm ever going to get the final rose. And there was just this pause and there was a slight chuckle, but it certainly did not bring him out of it. But I was like, I don't know what else to do. So.

He ended up costing himself. had plenty of money. He did not care, but he ended up costing the divorce cost so much more than it could have or should have because of the state that he was in. And sometimes that's just how it has to happen. But the good news is we're a few years post divorce. I just spoke with him. He's doing fantastic. He's living his life. He's buying another property to go between properties. He has his children. Everyone's happy.

It just took him getting out of that situation to really kind of pick his head up and move forward. And actually now I don't even need the rose because he answers my calls. He answers my texts. And we do keep in touch a little bit because he's a great person. It was just really what he was going through at that time.

Andrea Rappaport (04:27)

And I feel like so many people want to hear like, well, what happened that made Chad's life so much better? Did he find a new relationship? Did he get some sort of amazing gift? And the truth is that you don't need that. You don't need something.

out of the ordinary or another relationship to occur in order for you to no longer be in that really dark bad state that you are in

Morgan L. Stogsdill (04:58)

And I think where Chad was he couldn't imagine life any different than being married, having his wife around, having Brenda around, having the kids around, that kind of thing. And now he didn't want it, but it happened to him. And really what it is is it's really going through life knowing I'm going to be OK. I'm still alive. I'm still standing.

You know, a little bit has changed with my marriage and our family dynamic, but I'm okay. And I think that until he felt like I'm okay, and for some people it's in the middle of the divorce they feel like that. Some people like him, took till probably right after the divorce to say, I'm okay. And now he's thriving, he's dating, he doesn't have one specific relationship, but he's happy. He's doing what he wants to do. He's focusing on his hobbies, on his work.

He's not in that horrible place where at times he didn't even want to get out of bed during the divorce. That's why he wasn't picking up my calls because he was in just such a bad place.

Andrea Rappaport (05:55)

Because that's how bad it gets. It gets, it's debilitating. The fear, the overwhelm, the stress, you just kind of want to hide your head in the sand and avoid everything that's going on. mean, people listening to this episode don't need us to tell them how difficult it is. But what you do need to hear is a real life example of you will not be in this place forever.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (06:19)

And I wanted to give a really kind of dark example, like really on the tough end example, because we all know everyone's going through. If you're in the divorce before, during, maybe right after, you're all going through something. But I wanted to show you this is like one of the clients that I worried about all the time, because, you know, it was so tough that he refused to open any of my emails. He'd instructed me, I don't want emails.

If you need to email me, I need to know about it beforehand. I need to know what's coming. And so we had that. He didn't want a billing statement from my office because he wasn't going to look at it. It was only going to cause him anxiety. So he was kind of at the tail end of really struggling with divorce. And that's why I wanted to give that example, because I want you to know wherever you are on that continuum, you're doing it. It's going to get better.

And Andrea and I always say it, you're not going to see that light at the end of the tunnel until a few years post divorce, but trust us, you're going to get through it.

Andrea Rappaport (07:21)

Even when you think you're not, and I know, like you're listening to this right now and you're thinking, okay, yeah, good for that guy, but that doesn't mean that that's gonna happen for me. Trust, just keep going. Literally, one hour at a time, keep going. It is so hard to know that that pain is gonna go away because the challenge with getting a divorce is that it's not just...

the menial stress of, I have to turn in the financial affidavit or, ⁓ I didn't like the first offer I got or, the stress of this. It's that you're also going through this mental shift of what you thought your life was going to look like or you're really sad or you're also lonely or there's so many different things that are going on at once that it is a mental and emotional shit show.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (08:11)

I remember with this particular client, Chad, I helped him navigate everything from where do I find new friends? Who do I ask to hang out with? ⁓ Is this person that I met at a bar an appropriate person to ask out on a date? And if so, how do I do it? Those are things that were on his mind because he had been out of the game for so long and everything felt so foreign to him.

If you're feeling like that, it's so normal. It is so normal. And truly the only thing that helps is time. Time heals. I've said it many podcasts ago. So if you haven't heard it, I'm going to say it again. I don't think there's one client that's gone through a divorce that I see five years post that says, damn, I wish I never got divorced.

Andrea Rappaport (08:59)

Whether you wanted this process in the beginning or you didn't want this process, This has the ability to change your life for the better, but it's all in that mindset. So shift your mindset, go move your body, go do something good for you.

because those tiny little steps will help you get to the light at the end of the tunnel. And remember, that is why you are listening to this podcast. That is why we bring you our meaty episodes every Friday, and that's why we're gonna be bringing you these tiny little bite-size episodes on Wednesday to help you through the days that are icky and to continue to lift you on the days that aren't so bad.

Morgan L. Stogsdill (09:40)

I cannot agree more. You are doing this. The train has left the station. You're on it. You're in the middle of it. You have got this, my friends.

Andrea Rappaport (09:48)

And we, my friends, have got you.