Welcome to Psychologically Speaking.
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Hi, I'm Leila Ainge and this is a podcast all about human behaviour, bringing together
fascinating research, insights and real life experiences.
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As a psychologist, I'll share how the spaces we live and work in shape who we are.
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This season, we're diving into the fascinating gap between intentions and actions, a
liminal space where plans meet spontaneity.
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and exploring what it reveals about our identity.
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I'm excited to delve into accountability as a helping hand between intention and making
things happen.
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What's deeply satisfying about accountability for me is how it fits into the fabric of our
social spaces and networks.
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In today's episode, we're dipping into the psychological pond of self-determination
theory.
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I'll be sharing my own experience of goal setting, which unfolded over several months and
resulted in one of my greatest experiences and achievements.
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We'll explore how accountability floated along the journey in both planned and unplanned
ways.
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And finally, we'll conclude with a reflection for you to try.
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helping you discover the type of accountability that works best for you.
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So let's start by skimming the surface of this metaphorical pond of motivation.
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What drives us to get ahead and get things done?
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And why is this important for understanding accountability?
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One of the most popular and widely accepted, one of the most popular and widely applicable
theories of motivation is self-determination theory.
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Now this is rooted in the idea that humans are living, evolving beings who grow and learn
through new experiences.
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But none of this happens in isolation.
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Support from others and our cultural environment plays a crucial role in shaping
motivation, a bit like the ecosystem of a pond.
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Self-determination theory is actually made up of six theoretical areas.
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Let's think of those as like kind of giant lily pads on our pond.
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But today we're focusing on two of these, basic psychological needs and relationship
motivation.
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These are key when we think about accountability because they highlight the
interconnectedness of social context and goal achievements.
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Self-determination theory identifies three core needs.
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So that's autonomy, competence and relatedness.
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Whether you're running a business or working for someone else, these might look like under
autonomy, having the freedom of decisions that impact your work or goals.
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In competence, it could be around possessing the right skills or working towards gaining
new skills to achieve your objectives.
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And relatedness is that idea that we feel connected whether through in-person activities
or virtual networks with other people or colleagues.
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When it comes to relationship motivation, the second of the theories we're looking at
today, this area focuses on close relationships and their impact, not only on belonging
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but on the circumstances that can undermine good relationships.
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Interestingly, relationship motivation coexists with autonomy.
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So one person supporting another space and boundaries is an essential balance.
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Most of us have experienced forms of accountability that don't work.
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Too much accountability can leave you overwhelmed and gasping for air, while too little
can make you feel like you're drifting away from your goals.
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Understanding how and why accountability works is key.
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And here's the reflection I've had on what works for me.
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On Christmas Eve, my brilliant friend, somebody I've run long distances with before,
WhatsApped me a link to the Thames Path Challenge, accompanied by the tempting words,
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actual goal next year.
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For context, the last time that we ran a long distance together was in 2019, across the
chalky South Downs.
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It was a double marathon distance in a barely lucid state.
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Fun, lots of laughs despite all the blisters.
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Since then, I've barely managed to run 5K consistently each week.
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But giddy with Christmas spirit, Santa does love a sherry in our house.
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I replied, can I do it with you?
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And followed by, we're doing the 100K, right?
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At 4.40 AM on Christmas day, I found myself awake wondering how I would train for an ultra
whilst juggling motivation and rediscovering my previous joy for running.
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I started analysing the evidence from my previous efforts.
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And in 2024, my average monthly mileage was a paltry eight miles thanks to a back injury.
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Although I managed closer to 15 miles a month in good months.
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Compare that to 2018, the year of my first ultra marathon, I was averaging 80 miles a
month.
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I almost messaged my friend to decline, but instead at 4.40 AM I typed, okay.
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because I've done this before and I can do it again.
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What I meant was I've started from scratch before.
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Reflecting on my running journey, I now see that success wasn't just about me.
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It took a village and a dose of privilege.
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had financial stability, childcare and good health, as much as asthma allows.
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And I also had an abundance of supportive relationships.
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If I go back in September 2017, the same friend
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challenged me to run 30 miles in 30 days to support her London marathon fundraising.
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Sharing sweaty post run selfies and tagging her on WhatsApp kept me accountable.
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Her expertise in long distance running, the fact that she'd done one before and I hadn't,
and her enthusiasm met my psychological need for legitimacy.
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This small achievable goal snowballed.
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I became more consistent and eventually ran my first ultra that following June.
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By the start of 2018, I was also training for an April marathon.
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Without realising it, the short-term target of the 30 miles in 30 days set a performance
monitoring environment.
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And my friend and I naturally used social presence, Instagram, WhatsApp, Facebook, to
strengthen and facilitate that bond.
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We've probably physically run together fewer than 20 times.
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But virtually, we were running companions.
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We'd post a video to each other before our morning runs, then check in again after our
runs.
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Accountability came not just from my friend, but from other sources too.
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I ran with my dog, I joined Parkrun, I participated in virtual running communities,
notably Twitter.
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And my husband supported me emotionally.
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When I say that, I cried to my husband when my legs ached.
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He'd run a cold bath, I've not missed those at all.
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I moaned when my long runs felt like they'd never end, when I got drenched or fell over in
the ice many times, I might add.
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He cheered me when I finished last in the local 20 mile run, possibly one of the toughest
runs I'd done mentally because I knew I would finish last.
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And at that point in time, it was definitely a race against me and my mindset.
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Training for a spring marathon followed by a summer ultra is such an unglamorous affair.
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You've got rain, snow, vertical rain, hail, mud and mini heat waves.
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No run is ever the same.
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My husband would pick me up miles from the house.
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He probably rolled his eyes when I decided to run commute down an isolated lane to a train
station to get extra miles in, but he accepted my need.
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to do long running and my need to do this extraordinary thing around work and a toddler.
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Under self-determination and the mini theory of relationship motivation, this need for
autonomy in close relationships looks like one person supporting another person's space
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and boundaries.
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Go team age!
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All of these things are important contextually.
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when thinking about goal achievement and accountability.
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I was fortunate enough to attend a lecture by the experimental psychologist Robin Dunbar a
few years ago.
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Robin's work centres on the processes that underpin social bonding under the social brain
hypothesis.
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His book called Friends is an accessible read and I'd urge you to have a look at it.
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It's all about the
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quality of our relationships and the impact on our health.
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He also theorised, it's quite intriguingly, that we can maintain a maximum of 150
friendships.
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I'm interested in Robin's work because entrepreneurial networks, how they work, how they
sustain connections, how they create accountability and opportunities is at the heart of
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my psychological research.
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In his paper from 2022, he looks at the subject of virtual touch.
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In the introduction, he talks about social grooming and the fact that despite humans
having lost most of their body hair over the years, grooming through touch and stroke is
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still important for us as it is for primates.
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It elevates endorphins and this leads to a sense of emotional closeness.
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and it's still an important mechanism in our social relationships.
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It just happens in a different way.
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He goes on to explore the changes and expansion of our social networks and the ways humans
have found ways to trigger that endorphin system without physical touch, such as through
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laughter, singing, dancing and storytelling.
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I've often wondered how I coped.
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with the physical exertion and pain that came with ultra-training.
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And virtual touch might have had a part to play in this.
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Other findings show that synchronised activity, so if you think about virtual running,
dancing, even singing, it encourages bonding more than unsynchronised activity.
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And we know that this can lead to higher pain thresholds.
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Dunbar links his thinking back to the role of endorphins using the example of a runner's
high.
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Now, I'm way off my running high of 2019.
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So it's been very useful to reflect on what was going on back then.
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The support networks I had in place and the relationships that sustained me and provided
those basic needs.
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I'm also reflecting because it's been useful
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now that I'm reviewing what I need to succeed in my PhD journey.
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Back then, when I was doing the ultra training, I had autonomy to pursue my goal in a way
that worked for me.
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I didn't follow someone else's rigid training plan, but I definitely learned from others
who had done training plans and I did a mix and match approach around my own life and
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circumstances.
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I squeezed in runs here and there.
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I failed a lot.
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I cried, but I chased those endorphins and there was a lot of enjoyment.
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I developed new competence and vividly remember one run where everything clicked.
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And when I got home, I had kept to a consistent pace for every mile I'd run.
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This took months and months of practice and it wasn't even a visible or gradual process.
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I was rubbish at pacing for months and then suddenly I wasn't.
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And finally, that third basic need.
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sense of belonging.
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I felt like a runner at every step of the journey even when I came last because there's
something very wonderful about the running community or at least the people I hung around
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with virtually in that you were just accepted for putting one foot in front of the other.
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So returning to the pond.
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As we close, let's return to that metaphorical pond of motivation.
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Each of us exists in our own unique ecosystem, surrounded by the lily pads of basic needs,
relationship motivation, and the countless social connections that ripple outward.
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Like the surface tension of water, accountability is a bit like the invisible force
holding everything together.
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It keeps us buoyant, it helps us to navigate and provides structure we need to move
forward.
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So now it's your turn to reflect.
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Who is your accountability pond?
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Who are the frogs on your lily pad?
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Are they friends, mentors or community helping you float?
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And how are you contributing to their ecosystems in return?
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Psychologically speaking, I suspect that when you look back at some of your biggest
achievements and successes, you will find some of these accountability cues.
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Perhaps there was social presence, clear expectations, a bit of performance monitoring,
legitimacy and bonds of friendship.
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I think these are all of the ingredients that you need.
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By reflecting on those questions, you can begin to see the ways in which your
accountability team strengthens your growth.
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And whether you're reaching for your goals of developing your business, running a
marathon, or simply finding joy in the process of doing what you love.
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I hope that you are able to take something from reflecting on how accountability shows up
for you.
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Thanks for listening.
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If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review and share it.
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And if you're looking for one-on-one coaching to build your accountability team, I have
three slots available.
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Do you get in touch?
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P.S.
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To my dear friend who I know will be listening, I've not entered the Thames path yet.
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I am very tempted though.
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But I am running further than I did this time last year.
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I'm keeping myself accountable.
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You'll also be amused to know that I've had my first injury of the year after tripping on
the ice.
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I think we can safely say that my knees are going to be permanently bruised this year.