[00:00:00] Raquel Naranjo: I think you might be afraid to change because you're not willing to put in the work, you're not willing to uncover some of the pain that you have underneath. You're not willing to give up control and to be coachable and to trust and let go. You're just not, and maybe,and maybe you're not ready and that's okay, but if you are in a position where you are angry and you know, all of the things that I was, you need to do something about it because at the end of the day, like Christy told me, you know, you're gonna have a stroke.

[00:00:37] You need to do something about this. So there's a time and a place for everything, ladies. But if you don't take control of your life, your situation, and own up to it, you're gonna be living like this for the rest of your life, and I mean, that's on you.

[00:00:56] Christy Rutherford: ​Good afternoon, good morning. Hello everyone. Welcome back to Why She's Winning. I am your host, Christy Rutherford, and I have the amazingly happy, abundant, prosperous, gorgeous, successful, bad ASS Latina on the line. Raquel Naranjo, I got that.

[00:01:48] Raquel Naranjo: You got that right, Christy. Raquel Naranjo.

[00:01:54] Christy Rutherford: Raquel Naranjo. we're gonna be talking about how to reclaim your time and reclaim your inner peace. I forgot the title. So Hey, Stephanie. So I want to give y'all an introduction of who Raquel is.

[00:02:06] Raquel is a financial representative with Westpac Wealth Partners. She was formerly an agent with New York Life, and then she also worked with Tobin Luxe.

[00:02:21] Raquel got her JD at the Santa Barbara and Ventura Colleges of Law. She also got a BA in Political Science from the UC. Is that, what's uc? University of California?

[00:02:32] Raquel Naranjo: University of California, Santa Barbara. Yes.

[00:02:34] Christy Rutherford: All right. And then got her associate's degree in political science and Spanish from Santa Barbara City College.

[00:02:42] Raquel is actually one of our amazing coaches because we like to win over here at Vision Finder International. So welcome Raquel.

[00:02:50] Raquel Naranjo: Thank you, Christy. Thanks for having me.

[00:02:53] Christy Rutherford: Well, I'm excited to talk to you. So, you know, my favorite question, what was going on when you were like, you know what, I need to do something different. What was going on with you?

[00:03:09] Raquel Naranjo: Where do I start? I just felt like I was at a place in my life where I was lost. I was frustrated, angry just rejected and overall defeated. I was tired of being tired. I was angry. That was like my number one thing right there because all of the pain and all of that frustration always shows up as anger with me.

[00:03:37] So when I talked to Christy the first time, I was like an angry woman, and I said, this is what's going on. And she's like, you gotta do my program, and that's why I'm here. So it's amazing. It's one of the best things I have done for myself.

[00:03:55] Christy Rutherford: So anger isn't under understatement when it comes to how angry you were and so we talked to Monique already.

[00:04:05] If y'all didn't see the interview of Monique. Go ahead and look at it about overcoming mom guilt. Monique was the number one angry woman that I met until I met then JaLisa. And if y'all didn't watched, JaLisa, please go back and watch that. It was so good.

[00:04:21] And then I met Raquel. I was like, oh my God. The angriest woman that I have ever met. So, I want you to expand a little bit on a conversation. I was talking to a couple of guys last night and they were like, oh, you know, women are angry, and they don't know, and they try to jump on us, and I'm like, oh no they are angry, but we're not willing to admit that we're angry or because anger is normal.

[00:04:50] Does that make sense? Like, you don't even know how angry you are, so what was your reaction to me calling you? Did I call you something? Because, you know, I always call everybody something. Do you remember, or I wanna unpack it.

[00:05:04] Raquel Naranjo: You actually told me that I was gonna die if I didn't do something about it. I was gonna have some sort of stroke or something by the time I reached my mid forties. So I was like, you know that she has a point there because. I was not exercising, not eating healthy, not taking care of myself drinking to suppress all of these emotions.

[00:05:26] So, it hit me hard because I'm thinking, you know what, there's something here to unpack and there's definitely something I gotta take care in my own personal inner.

[00:05:39] Christy Rutherford: I think your earring is hitting your microphone. Can you push it? Do you have a Bluetooth?

[00:05:45] Can you push it up just a little bit? Yeah. Cause when you move your earring is hitting it. It's cute though. So, alright. So, okay. I told you that you were gonna die. I forgot, but that's good. That sounds like something about being outrageous, but that sounds about right because I remember you had this unexpressed rage.

[00:06:02] So when I talked about Ken dra, last week, Kendra had a silent rage. So Kendra, you could feel the rage it was coming out, even though she didn't act like you know nothing was going on. You had this bomb of energy that was unexpressed. You was just holding onto it. Monique was angry, aggressively angry. J had her certain, you know, type of anger cuz you know, she's a super nerd.

[00:06:27] She's kind of sweet, but she's kind of not sweet. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody has their special kind of crazy, but I remember you having like this compression of unexpressed rage and anger and I was like, oh yeah, you going to die.

[00:06:43] Right? And this is the thing ladies, and if we have any gentleman listening, we need people to call us out.

[00:06:53] Period. We need people who care about us and all the people that you care about saying, you know, you're stressed out or you're angry or you're gonna die. I was like, you're gonna die within a few months.

[00:07:06] And I remember telling a lady that I met who was. I won't even label her. And I was like, you know, this is not gonna go well for you. Yousomething's gonna happen within a month. I can feel it cause y'all I did it. Does that make sense? Like, I can feel energy. Two weeks later she had a stroke.

[00:07:24] So at what point are we going to change, or can we allow people to call us out on it? But I'm that. So, okay, so go ahead Raquel.

[00:07:36] Raquel Naranjo: Well, let's be real. Christy. I was gonna make a comment about that. Let's be real also, because I was so angry, people weren't gonna call me out on that. They're afraid. They're not gonna step into my corner where I'm gonna punch their face. They're just not, right?

[00:07:55] Christy Rutherford: You don't taunt a raging bull. You tell the raging bull with a red flag, you're angry, you're gonna die. And this is the thing, if you would've called me an angry black woman 12 years ago, game over. I would've blacked out. I would've turned your car over like the incredible Hulk.

[00:08:14] I mean, I'm actually just getting into the motion. I gotta jump out of it because I remember how angry I was. But before we move on to the next question, what advice do you have for women who, like, I knew I was angry. I just didn't think that other people could see how bad it was. Did you know you were that angry? Did you know?

[00:08:35] Raquel Naranjo: No, but now I recognize it and I see it in other women when I speak to them. It's like, that's who I was. That's who I was. So you can recognize it now.

[00:08:48] Christy Rutherford: So, what do you now see in other women? Because I don't think that, because Jennifer didn't know that she was missing a couple marbles, which she got them all back.

[00:08:56] She's amazing. What do you now see in other women that you couldn't see in yourself?

[00:09:02] Raquel Naranjo: The tension, the frustration. You can feel the energy about to explode and it shows in their face, you know, they're eyes are squinting, their faces are just tight. And you can just see, they're a ticking time bomb, Christy.

[00:09:19] It's like, they're ready to explode and they're not even aware that they're about to explode. And that's the crazy part because these women, they've been so suppressed, so frustrated, so angry, bitter, afraid, rejected, used, and they just don't even know how to deal with that emotion anymore.

[00:09:44] Christy Rutherford: You know, we're dying black and brown women. The leading cause of death for black women and Latino women is heart attacks, heart disease and cancer. And I remember Tiffany J saying something that was so good. He says, the body has a way to dispose of waste for every part of our body, but our hearts, we can't, like we're walking around carrying all this hurt, all this shame, all this guilt, all this anger, all this disrespect.

[00:10:22] Don't put respect on my name. All of these things. And we don't have a way to reason. We don't have the saliva, we don't have the sweat glands. We don't have the number one, the number two. Like we can't release the waste that we're carrying around and we're dying.

[00:10:37] So, what was most surprising thing that you learned about yourself? What was something that you learned about yourself, I guess, within the first couple weeks that you were like, hmm, I had no idea.

[00:10:51] Raquel Naranjo: Well, it was actually the pain that I was suppressing and in the first couple of weeks I was doing the homework and getting everything done, but then I mentally and physically refused to keep moving forward in my mind because I was appealing too many layers at once.

[00:11:16] I was crying. I don't cry. I'd never cried before. Like this was an unknown territory for me. Right. So in my mind, I'm like, what are you doing? You're weak, like, you shouldn't be crying. Like, this is not a, crying session for you. Stop it. Right? And so I called, I called Christy, or Christy called me out actually, and is like, why aren't you doing the homework now?

[00:11:39] Well, I say after class and I'm like, you know what? I can't do this. I'm packing too much. So it feels overwhelming to me. Right. So it did take me a couple of sessions to get back into it. I did manage to catch up. I did all the work and things like that, but it was painful.

[00:11:56] It was a painful process because there was so much that I hadn't even thought about that came through from my childhood, from, you know, I'm an immigrant, so even like the current political climate just so many different things were coming out that I didn't realize were affecting me internally.

[00:12:19] Christy Rutherford: So, let's talk about the triggers, right? Because, one, you were carrying enough luggage, to down a 737. But there's no way you can get to the next level in your career if you're dragging that much baggage around. That's one. Two, you started to change so much, and I was thinking about somebody this morning who's resisting change, and it started to terrify you.

[00:12:50] Because you're actually becoming free. You're unpacking the baggage. You can see the seats on the plane and that you panicked. You were like, wait, I don't, what is happening? What is happening? I'm changing. I'm actually becoming happy. I'm smiling. No, I don't wanna smile.

[00:13:07] Like you were, you started to change for good, but because. Well, I love TD J says, he says, is it TD J's or Jonas Brown. I think it's TD J's. He says, why are known hells preferable restrained heavens like, you knew the hell that you were in. Once we started to move you over into lighter, you started to panic and you was like, ah, nah, I ain't trying to do this no more, because I don't, I don't know who I'm gonna be.

[00:13:34] I don't think I'm gonna be able to recognize myself when we're done, and I don't like that. So, I'm gonna stop for three weeks, and then, you know, smashed, and then you got on the other side.

[00:13:47] So let's talk about some of the magic and triggers, but you know a little bit about your background, and how you arrived here in the US and then the triggers of what was going on when you saw the kids in the camps?

[00:14:03] Raquel Naranjo: Oh, okay. So, I was raised in the US. I came to the United States at the age of three years old. And I grew up dirt poor working in the fields. And so some of the things that were triggered in me is because I was illegal until the age of 12, I believe.

[00:14:24] And during that time there were certain instances where we had to flee from the immigration I was deported. And so, it was very scary for me because when we did go back, my parents decided to go back to Mexico when I was seven and we were in Mexico trying to cross the border. And when we came back to the US is when we were deported, we were caught at the border twice.

[00:14:55] And the third time we were able to pass. So I know this is very controversial for a lot of people, but this is a lot, this is my story and you know, it's made me who I am today, but the trigger there, and most importantly, that what's what we're talking about today is what was the trigger, right?

[00:15:13] The trigger was the separation of the families. I saw myself and those kids because I was that child. I was that child who was deported and her parents, you know, could have been separated from the child. And that didn't only happen at the border. It also happened in the US where, you know, the immigration would come.

[00:15:37] And my dad was a ranch hand and the owners of the property, they were very loving towards us, and the school was very loving towards the kids. The immigrant kids. So on a one occasion, they pulled us out from the school, during school because there was a raid and they didn't, they took us home immediately because if our parents were deported then, we needed to be with our parents.

[00:16:08] So it was very traumatic for a lot of the children. And I know that back then for me, I was always the strong one, always the one to like carry everybody else's pain, even as a child. And so I didn't realize how much I was carrying it now still, and how much that actually triggered when I saw those kids.

[00:16:30] So, it was a lot, it was a lot to unpack right there. And just some of the events you know, there's plenty of events that we could go through, but those are two of the most significant events that I remember where I felt, oh my gosh, if my parents gets deported before us kids get home from school, or take us home from school, then what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna go? So yeah.

[00:16:54] Christy Rutherford: I'm gonna get chills. You see the chills on my arms? Can you see? Okay. It's a little bit of hair on there, but, all right, so much because one, you gotta own your story. Who you know, this is our platform, all right? So it's not like who cares about controversy and what people think, this is who you are.

[00:17:15] And this is what shaped who you are. This is what makes America great. You know what i'm saying?

[00:17:20] Raquel Naranjo: Absolutely, absolutely.

[00:17:22] Christy Rutherford: You know what has shaped you and made you amazing to be able to do what you do. So we ain't gonna apologize for that. I mean, we don't gonna come on here and talk for two hours, be like, okay, Raquel, y'all pull up y'all blankets and some hot cocoa. It's story time.

[00:17:35] Raquel Naranjo: Well we could be here all day talking about things like that. You know, immigration's one of my passions.

[00:17:40] Christy Rutherford: Yup, yup. So, that was 2020 I think. Right. And then, when all this stuff was happening with the kids, what was it? 2019?

[00:17:52] Raquel Naranjo: 2019, or 2020 around there.

[00:17:54] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Now rolling into the pandemic and all that insanity. Then rolling with the, you know, the racial injustice and then the political stuff, and then COVID and then, you know, being locked in the house. A lot of people aren't making it.

[00:18:12] I was talking to these two gentlemen last night. We talked for a long time, but I was like, a lot of women became locked in the house with their decisions and their baggage during COVID.

[00:18:24] A lot of women went nuts, their self isolation, whether you're married with kids, not even locked in the house with them. You married or you're single. Everybody was going through something and it's, are you willing to now change because you can't hide from that stuff anymore? Are you now willing to say, and now, we're two years past that and women are still dragging all this stuff from childhood.

[00:18:51] This is before we even got to 2020 when it popped off. The only thing that 2020 did was throw light on what you were weren't looking at. And a lot of women right now are disintegrating because they refuse to acknowledge their forest is on fire. Which is insane. And we can see it like we look at pictures.

[00:19:12] I looked at a picture before on my way over here. This lady was smiling. I was like, girl, if that's a smile, I don't know what's going on. So anyway, so what was most shocking to you, because I know a lot of people still want me to do one-on-one. I refuse. What was shocking to you when you started to meet some of the other women in the group?

[00:19:33] Because the group is effective. Like, its magic in this group, what was most shocking to you about when you met these other women in the group?

[00:19:44] Raquel Naranjo: Well, I felt like I was heard for the first time in my life. I couldn't believe that there were other women like me, that we were always the outsiders of our families.

[00:19:57] We were always, you know, the ones that were, for lack of better words almost put down because of our education, because we were intelligent women, because of our drive and our success. And that was something that I was battling with in my own family, you know, as a Latina woman bicultural, culturally, it's a very touchy subject as well, and so it was so amazing and awesome to be empowered, and I can't say that enough.

[00:20:31] It's empowering to be with amazing women who just give you that strength and that ability to quash everything that you're telling yourself. All those negative thoughts and these women are supportive and loving and it was just so amazing. I cannot tell you how I felt because I would cry about it. I'm like, oh my God, I'm loving it here. Yeah.

[00:21:03] Christy Rutherford: You know what's interesting about crying, right? Is we stop crying. Pain makes women stop expressing joy. We don't express gratitude cuz you can cry when you're grateful for something. You can cry when you have joy and you can cry when you think about a memory that's pleasing to you. But we think that crying is weakness when it's actually a full expression of you feeling and you're not enraged and carrying all this baggage.

[00:21:33] So what's one piece of advice that you can give women who have stopped feeling. And I did it. You know, we always talk about how we're walking around numb and we don't feel anything. We don't cry because we think that's weak, but we're actually holding back. Like there's so much that wants to be expressed, and we're pulling it down because we're busy and we want to go on to the next thing and we want to conquer the next degree and we want get the next goal.

[00:21:59] What advice do you have for women who have ceased to feel and live fully?

[00:22:04] Raquel Naranjo: Well, number one, you have to be coachable, you have to trust that others have tools for you and you have to give up some of that control because you don't have all the answers. You don't. And let's be honest, I mean, we are intelligent woman and we think we know it all, but we don't.

[00:22:26] And you have to understand and stop, take a step back and say, okay, what can I learn and how can I be a better person? What do I need to fix? Within me to be a better person, right? And so this is just another step forward to be able to not only set yourself free internally, but also to propel yourself to the next level in business, in marriage, with your kids whatever trauma you have it's about uncovering you know, peeling those onions and really taking a deep dive within yourself.

[00:23:10] I can't hear you, Christy.

[00:23:12] Christy Rutherford: I was so into your story. I forgot to highlight that your click is on the line. Leandra is here.

[00:23:19] Raquel Naranjo: Oh, hi Leandra.

[00:23:23] Christy Rutherford: Yes. Debra's here. So all right. What are your thoughts about, what you know, executive presence to be now and what you thought it was.

[00:23:39] Raquel Naranjo: Executive pre presence. Are you saying like, in the leadership position?

[00:23:45] Christy Rutherford: Well, you know, it's the imposter syndrome in executive presence, right? Like, I always like to ask the side question and I send Raquel, the questions ahead of time. So she was like, what? Thank you for asking me to re-clarify.

[00:23:55] It's like, executive presence is this thing that high achieving strong women are seeking and we're told that we don't have it. You know, or we use it as a reason for why we can't get ahead and why we're being you know, overlooked. So what are your thoughts around, whether it's executive presence or the imposter syndrome what are your thoughts? What did it used to be for you and what do you think about it now?

[00:24:21] Raquel Naranjo: Well, it used to be for me, where it was about self doubt, right? Which created anxiety and which also created stress for me, right? And those doubts were suppressing me. So now what I do is I visualize, I visualize my success.

[00:24:42] I tape over the untold. I mean those told stories over and over and over and over, right? That we're telling ourselves, I'm a failure. I can't do it. And I was telling you know, some of the ladies that I work with that we have made it. We made it. And those three words are powerful. And I went out with girlfriends last night and we're like, Raquel, we we're celebrating you because you've made it.

[00:25:12] I mean, look at where you come from and just to acknowledge that alone, that I'm no longer living on a ranch picking garlic for my family. You know, during the summers, during the school year, I had this huge vision for myself with this dream, and my dream was to own homes and to live by the beach, and I'm here.

[00:25:46] I live by the beach. I live in Santa Barbara, beautiful California. I own properties. I have to celebrate the little things that I've accomplished instead of saying I haven't accomplished more, I need to accomplish more. And yes, continue to drive and move forward. Propel yourself, but also celebrate who you are today because that is number.

[00:26:13] Christy Rutherford: Ooh, you said a lot. Are you on your phone or what are you on? Cuz your thing, your earpiece is.

[00:26:18] Raquel Naranjo: Am I cutting out? Yeah, I'm on my earpiece. Let me see here.

[00:26:24] Christy Rutherford: Can you unhook the apple pods because this is team Android over here. I just want to hear you.

[00:26:32] Raquel Naranjo: Okay. Can you hear me better?

[00:26:35] Christy Rutherford: Yeah. Okay. Okay, we'll get it, we'll get it. Team android. I'm throwing salt. So basically what you're saying, and I wanna unpack it a little bit more, that women have the imposter syndrome or they don't think that they have executive presence because they haven't slowed down enough to see that they made it.

[00:27:02] Raquel Naranjo: That is correct.

[00:27:04] Christy Rutherford: Like, we're working and doing and doing and doing and working and getting degree after degree after degree after degree, and we're working 80 hours a week, five times as hard as the men never taking credit for it to stop and turn around.

[00:27:22] Even God turned around when he made the planets or the plants and the people, and he said, mm, that is good. We never stopped to say that is good. So we keep thinking that we're lacking something. If you just stop long enough to be like, hold up, I used to pick potatoes and garlic. Now I got a house on the beach in Santa Barbara, and I don't know if y'all have looked up the real estate prices of Santa Barbara.

[00:27:50] You know, she a little bougie. We can see your boogie pink. I mean, you know, like I see y'all that like, if you can't see Bougieness and well amongst Raquel, I don't know what y'all looking at. She has multiple houses, so if she just stops long enough and we're gonna talk about the negative voices in your head to say, wait, hold up, I made it. Ooh, like, now let's go celebrate.

[00:28:19] So, a lot of people don't know that we all had or have a negative voice in our head. And I remember hearing Eckhart Tolle saying in 2009. He says, I'm not the voice in my head. Who am I? Then the one who sees it, and I was like, wait a minute, he has somebody talking to him too.

[00:28:38] So what was your negative thought pattern, and what did you do to be able to stop that? Cause when I tell some women that they can conquer the negative voice in their head, they think I'm fool-ish. And I'm like, ladies, it's not that hard. But you have to do something.

[00:28:57] Raquel Naranjo: Let me be clear, when you have told yourself over and over and over that you're a failure, that you can't do it, that you're never gonna be enough. That you won't be able to make it. It resonates with you and you begin to believe it, right? So it's not an overnight process, in my opinion.

[00:29:24] I think it takes time and you have to acknowledge that you're actually saying this to yourself. So, for example, if I hear in my head, I'm a failure. I immediately tape it with something positive, right? You're a badass B I T C H. You know, you can do this. You've done it. You own the room. When you walk in the room, it's all about you, girl. So, you know, I just like make myself laugh, or you know, turn some music on and dance or, you know, just to get myself out of that head space. I only allow myself five to 10 seconds of negativity. Then I move on. Done.

[00:30:14] Christy Rutherford: That's good because I was telling some women on Monday, I'm like, you gotta talk back to yourself. That's the problem is that you be like, you're not gonna make it. You're gonna fail. This is when you wanna step out and do something different. Right.

[00:30:27] You're not gonna make it. You're gonna fail. You're a loser. You remember last time you stepped out and tried to do something, how stupid you looked and then people saw you and they talked about you, and then you got fired. And then we go into this trip wire, then you're gonna get fired, you're gonna lose your house, you're gonna lose your car, you're gonna be homeless, butt naked on the streets.

[00:30:50] You gonna be eating garbage cans. You be like, what? I just wanted to invest $5,000 in crypto. Does that make sense? Like just the thought of doing something that you haven't done before, takes the spiral to you, be butt naked down the streets, eating outta trash cans. And it's like when you say the first thing that your voice says you're gonna be alone now, right?

[00:31:20] Rochelle says, tone those negative voice down. You be like, I'm gonna be homeless, please. I got five houses. I'll just move it to the next one. Okay. So you have to start to listen to yourself, ladies, and answer yourself out loud. I don't think so. And y'all already know I like to play Trina, the beddest, what woman?

[00:31:40] Cuz I'm the baddest pew, pew, pew, who's bad, right? So you start talking yourself out of it, because this is the thing. A lot of the negative voices aren't even yours, right? Most of them, 90% of them aren't even true, but some of them are, are typically planted from the voices of other people who told you what you couldn't do.

[00:32:09] So the only two people that need to touch and agree on this earth is you and you. You're gonna fail. No, I'm not. You're gonna lose. I don't think so. How? You know, cuz I am a winner and I'm a champion. Well, I don't think it's gonna work well. I think it will. All right. So have we talked about reclaim your time yet?

[00:32:29] So, what do we do, we have to go back to the title, but we promised, we promised to listen to something. What what are two things that you did? We'll talk about inner peace first, because when I ask women about Disney Magic, their three wishes, they be like, I want peace. Okay. You used your Disney magic where you could have asked for a billion dollars.

[00:32:49] You just want peace. And they're serious. Like I try to get them to ask for a jet or something. They're like, no, I just want my peace back. As if peace is impossible to attain again at 40 something, what advice do you have or what two things that women can do today to be able to move back towards their peace outside of talking back to yourself?

[00:33:12] Raquel Naranjo: One of the things that I focused on was forgiving myself. That was huge in my book because I had to acknowledge that I was putting myself down, that I was in a situation where I felt like, you know, I couldn't move forward, and so I had to tell myself that I was enough, forgive myself for the things that I had felt that I had failed in.

[00:33:40] Which in reality, now taking a step back, those were not failures. Those were just lessons learned, right? And so, number one, forgive yourself. Number two, forgive others. Huge. Because when you come to a position where you removed toxicity, toxic people who are in your ear, constantly telling you, you can't do it, you're not gonna make it.

[00:34:11] Let's be clear, ladies, my parents didn't even want me to go to college. I was not supposed to leave my house unless I was married. So for me to leave my home was, I was almost disowned because I wasn't married and I wasn't supposed to leave the home. So my mom always says, , I don't know who you are or where you came from because you are not like us.

[00:34:38] And I'm like, you're absolutely right. And I love who I am. I am the confident and I am strong, and I am capable. So again, forgive yourself, forgive others. Remove those toxic people. Remove those individuals that are in your ear all the time, and you're gonna find that inner peace because now you're not having to fight all the time, right?

[00:35:06] Fight against those people. Fight against yourself. You're coming into your new present.

[00:35:14] Christy Rutherford: Oh, Raquel bringing the heat today. I wanna unpack that. Ooh, let's talk about family, and being the weirdo in the family, being the outcast, being the one that's different because your family loves you and they wanna keep you close, but when you go and do something different, which is good compared to who, does that make sense?

[00:35:45] Like, you going to college and getting an education and now living in Santa Barbara, sitting on here with your sleek hair looks really good and yo Booz your glasses. I know they designer, right? Like, this is good. Cause now you can be able to create generational wealth, which is what the American dream is, and you have people who love you who says, well, we're no longer close because we don't have anything in common anymore.

[00:36:13] Like, how did you unpack and reconcile those books? Because I always say that. All women have a special kind of crazy sisters in the US got a special kind of crazy. White women, got a special kind of crazy, you know like it doesn't matter. Asian American women got a special kind of crazy. Women who came from a different country have a special kind of crazy.

[00:36:33] Immigrants who came, or people who came from a different country. I don't say immigrants because sometimes Caucasian people go to other countries they call them expats. I saw a USA Today article on that. So when you come from a different country, and you reside in the US, you have a special kind of crazy because you have cultural bounds that should be followed.

[00:36:52] And when you're like, wait, I have a different opportunity here because we're in America, it's a little different. Let me do this. How did you reconcile the books on that with your parents? Because you know, we do have a lot of clients who have different ideologies about what success is and whether it's you should be over here with them, or you have to be a doctor or a lawyer, or you're nothing.

[00:37:19] Raquel Naranjo: There's a lot there, Christy. So number one, let's unpack a little bit the cultural piece, right? The fact that I am a professional, educated woman. It's almost looked or frowned upon because I am not serving my man, right? I am not catering to men on different levels. I'm just not.

[00:37:45] And so, for my mother especially, the word ambition translates into Ambisyosa in Spanish, which is a negative term. So to be ambitious is negative in my culture. And then for me to take that step and go into the education piece and to you know, better myself, they don't see that as something that has made me who I am today, they're still thinking that I'm lacking that cultural piece.

[00:38:23] And there is a time when you have to separate that and say, this is who I am because I was raised in the US. Yes, I'm Latina. Yes, I'm Mexicana. Yes, I was born in Mexico, but at the end of the day, I'm an American citizen.

[00:38:43] I was raised in the US. I'm educated and I'm gonna own it. So the fact that my mother and, you know, more my mother than my father you know, had a hard time really instilling those values is because we were in a different culture, raised in a different culture with the diversity, diverse people and different backgrounds, and education.

[00:39:10] And so that's the number one piece. And, you know, the ambition piece is also really strong because it's a negative term. And so when you're too ambitious, it's not a good thing, especially as a woman. You know, my mom was like, why didn't you iron your husband's pants? I'm like, I don't even iron mom. Like, I'm sorry. I'll get somebody to iron them for me if I have to, but that's just, you know how it is.

[00:39:41] Christy Rutherford: You know, I think about all people have dysfunctional family. Like, if somebody says they have the perfect family, I don't care where you're from. Whether you're wealthy or whether you're from a different country or whatever, everybody's family is dysfunctional.

[00:39:58] Everybody. I have seen it all. So let's talk about reclaiming your time in our last five minutes. What's the difference in how you work today with how you used to work, and the energy that you have to be able to put out to get things done?

[00:40:18] Raquel Naranjo: So now I work with a sense of purpose. I visualize what I want and I set boundaries, healthy boundaries around those individuals that are not they weren't placed by God to take me to the next level.

[00:40:35] And that's just the way I see it now, you know, the people who have come into my life is because I have prayed for them. I have, you know, put it out there to the universe, and I've been very mindful and intentional of who I let into my inner circle. And so now I am not letting any negative energy. I'm not letting anybody bring me down.

[00:40:59] And I'm very, very vocal about this. When someone is, doesn't sit right or something is wrong, I am not gonna be like, oh, okay, I'm good. No. Like that doesn't sit well with me. I don't want you to bring that up again. Period. That's just how it is, because if you're making me feel something in my gut and it's not sitting right, you're affecting my mental state, and that is not something I'm willing to give up.

[00:41:31] I want to be in a position where I am successful, motivated, you know, I am working with people who are on the same mind and ust moving forward and consistent. So that's what I'm doing. .

[00:41:54] Christy Rutherford: So I'm laughing because you know, the Bible says by your fruits, you shall know them. I'm like, cuz you already know. I love it. It is. I'm gangster with it. You have one time to say something sideways. It's over. I will never talk to you again. I'm that chick. So to hear you say that I'm laughing. I'm like, oh yeah, that's what we do because that's the path to freedom.

[00:42:17] And so one more question before we close out. So for people who are watching who aren't ready for the full on four month program and Vision Finder Masterclass, which talk about you wanna join Total Fulfillment with Christy is open for enrollment, TFWChristy.com. It's only 497, 4 years access. All of this goodness is in there along with other things.

[00:42:39] So that's my short commercial break. It's TotalFulfillmentWithChristy.com is only 497. And we have courses and videos and interviews. I mean, there's hundreds of videos in there just to really get you to move forward and own who you are so you can get paid the money that you desired, even though it's not about the money.

[00:42:58] We want our money too. So Raquel, my last question. What advice do you have for people who are afraid to change?

[00:43:14] Raquel Naranjo: I think. I think you might be afraid to change because you're not willing to put in the work, you're not willing to uncover some of the pain that you have underneath. You're not willing to give up control and to be coachable and to trust and let go. You're just not, and maybe you're not ready and that's okay, but if you are in a position where you are, you know, angry and you know, all of the things that I was, you need to do something about it because at the end of the day, like Christy told me, you know, you're gonna have a stroke.

[00:43:54] You need to do something about this. So there's a time and a place for everything, ladies. But if you don't take control of your life, your situation, and own up to it, you're gonna be living like this for the rest of your life. And I mean, that's on you.

[00:44:18] Christy Rutherford: One more question. Cuz you said something that was so good. I gotta have you unpack it. So if y'all will, we got one more minute y'all. Let's talk about control because I achieving women we some control freaks, and then we're, we're controlling ourselves right in the burnout and in the ground because we're trying to control everything and we don't trust anybody but ourselves and we only trust ourselves to do it and to get it right.

[00:44:43] And so, at a certain point, ladies, you'll realize. One, God is in control and you really have no control. And then you can actually start to allow God to work with you, to get you to where you want to be in freedom and peace. It's not that hard. So, what are some of the things that have I would say some of the good things that have happened for you since you've started to let go of trying to figure everything out and, trying to control everything. What are some of the good things that's happened?

[00:45:16] Raquel Naranjo: I have achieved calmness by letting some of that stuff go. I am decluttering, decluttering my life. Not only not only my head. My spaces. So, you know, the junk drawer in your kitchen cabinets. I mean, just a, just an example, right? But it just feels good when you declutter when you talk to people.

[00:45:42] That's a form of decluttering as well. I'm able to trust people now to get the job done. Qualified individuals that I screen. But It's about understanding that others can get the job done and you don't need to own everything. I felt like I needed to know everything. I needed to be in control of everything.

[00:46:06] Now I'm like, you know what? You specialize in that. Great, let's leave it there. I will refer people to you and you can go there. Right? And so for me, it was about giving up some of that control and letting others who specialize in that area take care of what they need to do, because I can't know everything, nor do I want to know everything. I realize that, you know, I don't wanna know everything.

[00:46:35] Christy Rutherford: That's so good. It's like track stars who are running the 100 just running your lane. It's exhausting to try to run in six track lanes at the same time. Does that make sense? And still try to get to the finish line. It'll never happen. When you release control, then you can actually talk to people long enough to see whether or not you really trust them.

[00:47:00] And we've all been burning in the past, and you stay in your one lane and you can get so much stuff done as opposed to zigzagging through the six lanes because you think you have to do everything. And that's how you get your peace back. Ladies, it is not about smoking weed or eating weed brownies or drinking boxes of wine to get your peace back, all you have to do is let go of the ragged of people who are talking to you.

[00:47:21] Forgive yourself. Talk back to yourself in the negative conversation that you're having with yourself. Find peace and forgive your family for they know not what they do. Right. And then just, I wanna really say this before we close, believe that you deserve a better life, you're here.

[00:47:40] So, all right, Raquel, thank you so much for showing up and showing out your click Showed up today, the Vision Finder Masterclass Women.

[00:47:49] Thank everybody for joining us. Take care. Have a great weekend. ​