There was no manual when I become a mum. There is no manual now

to be a mum, and there will never be one. You create it along the

way, and you never give up. As long as your focus is to

be the best version that you can be for your children, that

is only setting them up to be the best versions for themselves. How

do you feel when somebody remembers something about

you? Do you feel like you have a place with that person? I've

learned that one of my girls has been getting bullied at school, and

I've been able to actually say, well, why? And have

that conversation. How does that make you feel? She didn't really

care. But... Welcome to Krystal Rowe Impacts, a

space dedicated to empowering you to be the change that

your bloodline has been waiting for. Join me, and together, let's

inspire change. Welcome back to the Krystal Rowe

Impact Podcast. And on this episode, I'm going to talk to

you how, as parents, we never get a manual

on how to parent. I don't know about you, but I

have found parenting one of the most rewarding and one

of the most challenging jobs

in the world. Now, parenting is a choice. And

it is a challenging one. It

is a rewarding one. But we don't get told

what to do, what not to do. We only

have our own personal experience of how our

parents raised us. And sometimes that's

not how we want to appear. Now

for me, I have seven

beautiful children, and I have many

stepchildren, and together, me and my husband raise

eight beautiful children at home, ages between

five and 11. The challenges I'm facing

at the moment have come up for me because

I realised that I am the only mother

that they have. that I am irreplaceable. And

when I realised that my whole purpose was

to be a mum, and when I realised that

I am the only one that they have, it

was like something just rebooted in me. And

I realised how important the impact

that I have on them now as little

children and how they are going to be able to face this

world when they no longer need me to survive is

the most important thing in

the world for me at the moment. The

time and energy that I am investing and spending

on them, getting to know them, understanding them,

why they do and operate the way they do, why

they think the way that they do, it's

so interesting to me. It's so intriguing for me to

find out more. And the reason why I want to

do that is because I need to connect with

them. And truth is

that when they no longer need me to

survive and they grow up and they want to leave the nest

and go out and have their own homes and families and

careers, I want them to be able to come home to

me. I want them to know when

something goes wrong, that they can

call me. I don't want them to think, oh shit, I can't tell mum. I

want them to say, I need my mum. And

that makes me feel so emotional because it is such a privilege

to be the person that these little children need.

And I want them to need me in

a way where they know that I have

their back. They know that I can help them. They

know that I will always support them and

be there when they need me most. Because

at the end of the day, this life is so brutal

and this world is so harsh that I want

to be their safe space. Because we all need

that. We all need that one person or

people, a community, that we know that we're safe

in. And it should be our

home. And if you didn't grow up

in a home that was safe, and it was more like

a haunted house than a home, you have the

chance to create a beautiful home for your

children. And that's just where I'm at at the moment. My

main focus is getting to know who

my children are. And there's a couple of

questions that I like to use to

connect with my children. And it's quite cute because I've noticed

recently that they use those questions back to

me. So I always ask, even if my plate

is a bit full or there's a lot on, I have a little pocket

full of questions. And some of them are, how was your day?

I know it sounds crazy and

it's so simple, but I asked them, how was

your day? And I'm

just chuckling to myself now, because I'm thinking of my daughter,

Ziena, and she always often comes in and she's like, how was

your day, mum? I'm like, good. Good, thank

you. Sometimes I say, oh, it was busy and

I'm a little bit tired or I'm honest with

my kids. And I'll say to

her, how was your day? And she was like, good, thank you. Thank you for

asking. And I'm like, Okay, cool. Because

you know what? I'll be real with you. A month ago, I didn't often

ask them how their day was. But because now

I'm making it a priority to become the

best mum that I can be, to be the one that they turn

to when they need something, it is helping me

to connect with them on a deeper level. Some

other questions that I ask them is, what made you laugh today? You

can ask them, what's your favourite colour? Or a really good

one, is your favourite colour still? And they'll be

like, she remembered. Or she

knows that about me. Because if you think about it,

how do you feel when somebody remembers something

about you? Do you feel more important?

Do you feel like you have a place with that person? Now

I've noticed that by taking a

little bit more time to know them,

I've learned that one of my girls has been getting bullied at school.

And I've been able to actually say, well, why?

And have that conversation. What do you think's going on

with that person? Or how does that make you

feel? Meh, she didn't really care. But

the fact that I now know that there's an issue going on

at school, I have the opportunity to check in. And

if I didn't take the time to step back and

actually say, you know what, I need to be and I want to be a

more present parent. If I didn't do

that, I wouldn't have had the time or given her the

chance and the space to know that she could

share with me that information. How

many of you as a parent would want to know if

your child has been bullied? Because

I can guarantee you, by the time they have experienced something

at school, a hundred other things have happened. So when

they get back to you at the end of the day, they

might have forgotten that they experienced that, or they may have

forgotten that they felt a certain way. So we need to be

able to ask these questions, prompt these

moments for them to be able to share with

you. And for me, I know that it's the best

decision that I have made, to be a

more present mum. I said to my husband when

I was in New Zealand, I think I want to retire from work and

be a stay at home mum. The

anxiety that I had to share that,

that desire, that need, that want to

be so more present with my children, to share

that with my husband and to be able to create that

space to become a stay-at-home mum, and

the results from that have been life-changing, not

only for me, but for my children. The whole eight

of them now know that mum is home, that

I am opening up the door for them to be able to share their

good and their bad times with me. There was no

manual when I become a mum. There is no manual now

to be a mum, and there will never be one, but

you create it along the way. And you never give up as

long as your focus is to be the best version

that you can be for your children. that

is only setting them up to be the best versions for themselves.

And that's the best gift that we can give our kids and ourselves.

And if you need a little bit of help getting to that point,

getting to that realization or creating a life

where you are able to have more time freedom, Then

head over to our website, reach

out on our social medias, there's a link in the show notes, and

I can help you to create time freedom,

a life by design, and to help you to be the

best version of yourself so you can show up for your children so

that they can be the best versions of themselves. So

if you like this episode, make sure you leave us a five star

review. And again, remember to reach out