Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

experience. I'm your host Aurora life coach and companion on this

beautiful journey called life. I hope you feel good, I hope you

feel relaxed, I hope life is flowing nicely. I hope that you

can feel good and comfortable in your skin and evidence is not

the case, then I hope that I can bring you some value and help

you you know, bring down that stress level of yours and and

make you feel okay, a little bit. Yeah, more okay with where

you're at if you don't like it right now. And create a space

for you where you can relax and simply recharge your batteries.

It is June 21. Summer Solstice. And, yeah, it's been quite the

ride this year has been quite an interesting year for me. But

yeah, I think we all we all have stuff to work through and

situations that are being thrown at us that are not easy to deal

with. And then there's other people who are thriving and very

inspiring. So it's a constant change constant up and down. And

today, I want to talk about the obstacles that we put in our own

way. In which way do we stress not only each other out, but do

we stress ourselves out. It is very interesting to observe and

to be you know, a little detective when it comes to

articles online. And I don't really have the source of where

I heard this the other day, but it was not for me. It was

somebody who had done the research that there is people

out there. And he even said 50% of the people out there that's

create stress for themselves, that is not necessary. And he

said there they're going back to the childhood of the people that

were the you know, addicted to the stress the stressors, so to

say in society, and they found out that those people usually

had a very tensed situations at home, it was you know, sometimes

good, sometimes not so good, but overall, there was always a

slight tension within the family. So, the nervous system

of the child adapts to that tension and makes it normal. And

a person that grows up and attends to household that learns

that as specific tension in the nervous system is normal goes

out into the world now unconsciously seeking this

normal this behavior those situations, everything really

that can get that nervous system into that state of how it was

back then and the tensed dysregulated household will make

this people these people feel normal and somewhat good, even

though it is stress, even though it is not comfortable, they will

find that it is familiar and what the brain always seeks and

us as little habit animals will find comfort in great discomfort

because that is what we learned at a young age. So a person like

that will seem scattered all over the place. An organized as

sometimes it is a mixture of a people pleaser. So people who

keep see saying yes to projects to tasks to things that have to

get done, because they also learned maybe at home that you

have to be of service to others. So now if you have the

combination of both a people pleaser and a person who feels

at home when the nerve Our system is running crazy. What a

bombastic combination of chemic chemicals do you then have? It's

a very interesting one, I want to say, and maybe you can

reflect about yourself right now. Or you can think of a

person and maybe you thought of the person already, while I was

saying this, because every second person struggles with

being somewhat addicted to stress. I find that so, so crazy

interesting. And they not only labeled it stress, they only

they also label the drama. So people who label love and

relationship as messy or love as dramatic or love as

unpredictable. People will seek out these relationships and

these people that match this belief system. Isn't that so

fascinating? Right? Even though we can read books and study and

go to coaching and go to psychotherapists and take a

little pills, if we don't go all the way down to the root cause

on how we were calibrated, how we were conditioned, when we

were young, and what are normal is, we will not be able to

change this. And we will keep running into problems because

people are constantly burning out now after COVID More than

ever, because we are out and about again. And there's not

only the work, life balance that is making life difficult for

people, but also the leisure time stress, that it's really a

thing, leisure time stress, that people have so many positive

activities scheduled in that sometimes it gets so much that

it ends up being stressful. And that's totally fascinating with

me. So if you didn't learn to have boundaries with yourself,

boundary boundaries with others, you will keep running into

problems, you will keep burning yourself out, you will not be

able to keep your household clean and tidy, you will not be

able to keep your body healthy and in some way tidy, because it

will all feel like a to do. And it's just too much. Right when

the two dues get too much. We usually throw out the window and

Tennessee kindness self care. And it's it's crazy how how it

can change the character of a person to a point that you

really cannot recognize them anymore. So all this to say is I

invite you to reflect about your life. How do you organize your

life? To what do you say? Yes? To which behavior do you like?

Which behavior do you tolerate from other people? Where do you

set boundaries with yourself? And where can you confidently

say no? Because if you say yes, you know, you will end up in a

in a weird situation of exhaust moment of resentment. Where is

it that you are avoiding uncomfortable conversations?

Really? conversations that make you cringe when you think of

them? cringe? No, I don't know. It's another word that I'm

looking for. Not crunchy cringe. You know what I mean?

uncomfortable, an uncomfortable conversation that will, you

know, maybe expose a person, maybe make another person feel

uncomfortable and you're scared of the reaction. By not setting

your boundaries by not engaging in these conversations. You are

pushing things underneath a rug. Where then there is being

resentment built resentment and anger and sadness, which can

lead to depression if you don't address it.

So the more a person knows themselves. And you know, that

is something that I keep repeating on and on in my

podcast and my yoga studio and my coaching classes. The more

you know yourself, the better you're going to be at setting

boundaries, the better you know where your limits are, you will

know how much can I take on when do I have to start to say no.

And you will know how to express yourself in those uncomfortable

conversations. Because the more you avoid those, the more you

will realize that your relationships are going to be

tough, avoidant, inauthentic, exhausting. And you might end up

hurting and labeling yourself as an introvert. But not because

you are a genuine introvert but because you don't know how to

handle your own emotions and your expression in the world,

and how you can relate to people in a healthy way. That is where

the nitty gritty is, this is where the dog is buried, like we

say, in German. And it is really, really important to

notice, hey, I'm exhausted, I'm burned out, I'm sad, I'm tired,

I'm angry, I'm irritated, I'm agitated. Let's start and think

about where you can reduce your stress, where you can teach your

nervous system that being in a calm state is not a weakness,

being an accomp state, even if it feels uncomfortable at first,

even if your mind will kick in and give you 10,000 excuses to

not be in a calm state right now. Try it out just a couple

minutes a day. After waking up in the morning, set your alarm

clock tomorrow morning, just two minutes earlier. And once you

wake up, take those two minutes, to just sit on your bed, and to

feel your body to embrace the new day to be grateful for who

you are, and the mission you're on. And you can start from

there. It doesn't have to be big jumps. And if you need to talk

to somebody about your stress and how you handle stress and

how you possibly create all the stress that you have in your

life and want to start to take accountability for that. seek

out a mentor, a coach, a therapist, whatever you can

think of to help you out and feeling more grounded and

stable, feeling more like yourself, and not constantly

overwhelmed and burned out. So I think I'm gonna go deeper with

this topic in future episodes, because I realized that there is

a lot of people out there, including me, that suffer from

you know, having to be busy, otherwise, we feel worthless.

And also from like, suffer from unhealthy relationship dynamics

where things are not being expressed, that are difficult to

express. And, in doing so, and not expressing, we make our life

hard and miserable, and we become toxic in our

relationships. So stay tuned, with so much love I sent you out

into the day or into the night, wherever you are listening from.

And as always, thank you so much to the donors to this podcast. I

love you so much. I love that you believe in my mission. And

I'm so very grateful because without you, this wouldn't be

sustainable because I refuse to have advertisement on my podcast

interrupting us from each other. And yeah, if you liked this

podcast, please subscribe. And if you feel like you want to

send a little donation, there is a link in the notes. And please,

please please leave me a review or a five star rating because

that helps us to be out there and to be seen by more people

who need this kind of support. Alright, take really good care,

and I will be out there very soon again. Bye bye