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Hello, and welcome to Vogue on Amber, Amber and Vogue.

I have reached a new level of being cheap.

Do you want to hear it?

Okay.

Go for it.

So I forgot to.

I do the shop every week.

We do a weekly shop, and I get it delivered on a Monday because it's just easier.

And I kept forgetting to order porridge.

And I have a certain thing about porridge.

I only like Flavins.

It's an Irish porridge.

It's not just because it's Irish.

It's because it's the nicest porridge, right?

And so I usually ordered avocado.

And I forgot to.

I forgot to.

And I was like, you know what?

Amazon will have it.

And I would.

I don't like doing this, but I'll have to do it because I'm after forgetting again.

And then I.

I looked on Amazon and I was like, eight quid for porridge?

And I was like, it couldn't.

Is that what I spend on a cardo and porridge?

So I went on to Ocado.

I had a look, three quid.

And I was like, you know what?

I'm scared to wait till Monday.

This is like on a Tuesday.

I was like, I am not paying over the odds for my porridge.

So what have you been having?

Well, I've had to have Special K.

And then I was having some eggs some days, but, like, I really wanted Bloody Barge, but I.

That's how cheap I am.

I was like, I'm not doing it.

And I'm not buying those other porridges that are in.

In the shop.

Like, they just don't.

They aren't as nice.

They aren't.

It's just the way it is.

Okay?

I'm even worse than that.

I get the little packets of porridge.

Oh, and the go.

And the golden one's delicious.

Why don't you just eat a bowl of crunchy, no corn Flakes and be done with it?

I made a terrible mixture yesterday.

I made a mixture of.

So ran out of Cheerios.

So then I was like, okay, I need to bulk this up.

So then I was like, I'll put some Rice Krispies into it.

And then I was like, it's not going to be sweet enough.

So I put these, like, crunchy little granola things in as well.

And it actually was delicious.

Amber has Amber's breath now.

In fairness, she does a good breakfast, but these are not things that are meant.

It's like.

It's like the little yogurt.

Remember, she got that Yogurt from little.

She bought these Biscoff cereal and I'm like of course the Biscoff cereal is going to be delicious.

But getting up and eating 3kg of sugar before you leave, no therefore a tree like Weetos.

You know if you're watching a movie or something.

Oh I love Wheatos but I also love a Cocoa Pop because they get more soggy and there's just like.

No, they get too soggy too quickly and lose all the chocolatey.

The milk gets too chocolatey too quickly.

A meal pop meal pop Corn Pops.

Oh yeah, they're gone.

Oh all the old like start Delicious Sugar Puffs.

Stars were delicious.

I loved Golden Nuggets as well.

But they were literal pieces of, of sugar.

I never had them.

People use it.

What are those things?

The Lucky Charms.

I never had them because I would not be into marshmallows.

Oh no, I do like marshmallow.

Now what I will say is the one time in my life where I because I usually stick around the the same weight that I am because it's just that's my natural body weight.

But the one time in my life that's that the one life that shifted was when I went through an absolute obsession with crunching of cornflakes.

I used to walk around with a box in my hand and just eat them dry and I couldn't.

I was going through probably a box every two days and that is full of.

I know like and crunchy enough Cornflakes dry.

Disgusting.

Oh God they're so good.

I love them.

That's like imo and her like non alcoholic drink of tea like so miserable to yourself.

No, tea's not a treat.

Look at you with your cup of cha.

I know look forward to my decaf tea at night.

Have to say no, I'd be a coffee girl, not a tea girl.

I nearly had the tea just there and I said v stop ruining your evening.

You better hold out until 7:00 with the kids are bed and you sit down and you get your dairy milk that you brought back from Ireland and you sit the, you sit the down and you shut the up.

That was for you Sandra.

I'm more of a coffee gal but I like a tea at night.

Oh yeah, a little, a little bit of basa decaf baza.

I wouldn't be into, I wouldn't be into the fruity teas now.

No way.

They smell nice.

Do you know what I will say?

I.

I do a radio show sometimes I cover for my pal Ryan and, and they once I Love Ryan.

Now he has red bar tea that they got in for him and I used to steal his tea and I was like, I just prefer the green berries tea.

And they bought me my own green berries tea.

And I thought that, you know what that cost you?

Like four quid.

And I will never forget your.

Unless they bought it from Amazon.

Double the price.

No, I get mine from Amazon.

It's not double the price.

I have checked.

Well, you got gifted lows.

That's true.

That's true.

Albert, how was your.

Do you want to give anything about the start of your week away or.

No start of my week while I'm still on dry January.

I don't even have a goo.

People around me are dropping like flies.

Still giving up.

Dry January and real snowball effect, the old dry January.

There's a lot of.

There's a lot of peer pressure going on about it now.

I don't really.

I haven't had a goo.

I've had a very, very boring weekend.

You are coming over here on Thursday and you were like, oh, I just want to start drinking really early.

I know.

I didn't say that.

What, on Saturday now?

When are you looking to drink early?

I was thinking about maybe having a drink in the airport on Thursday evening, but then I was like, not if a recording on Friday because what if I lose my mojo?

What if I swear too much?

The little bit of mojo, your hair will be gone.

I might be flowering with mojo.

So I don't know.

I'm on.

I literally was just saying that to Megan there while we were wolfing down our dinner.

I was like, I don't know actually if I should drink on Thursday, but otherwise I will wait until Saturday.

And yeah, I'd want to have an early drink because the Ireland matches on Ireland v England.

And yeah, I have to say now, I didn't.

I wouldn't say it was my best attempt to try January, but what happened to me was it was a snow low ball that was thrown at that time that I went and had the champagne and then it turned into a flipping avalanche.

An avalanche.

And then this weekend I was like Friday night watching the Traders finale and I was like, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna have.

I'm gonna drink.

I'm so got kind of drunk on my own.

And then the next night I was gonna see Peter K.

And I was like, what would Peter K want?

He'd want me to have a drink.

So I'm.

Another drink.

I don't know if you should be Saying her place.

Got drunk on my own.

Like there was other people in the house.

Ben was there.

He's just been real.

The kids were all there.

They were just in bed, were they?

No.

I then got my hair done, did loads of jobs, helped Naomi figure out her TV wouldn't be like her.

Went to checked Mama Neil's apartment, got my back cracked.

Got X rays.

What else did he pumped up?

Tires on the car Stop.

Exciting everybody.

Stop making everyone so excited.

It's too watched.

It was.

And then, like, to boot.

I'm watching, like, three different shows at the moment.

One I'm watching with Megan, another one.

What are you watching?

It's the one with Donal Gleason and Steve Carell, the patient.

I think it's called I love Donald Gl and Topnal, but it's.

It's not a great show.

And then I'm watching.

Sorry, Donal.

One of your own.

You got to be honest.

You got to be honest.

I don't lie.

And then I'm watching Disclaimer with Kate Blanchett.

You are the image of Cate Blanchett.

And then I'm watching some Polish thing called the Hounds or something like that, and they're just all diabolical.

How do you have the time to be watching all of this?

Because I watched different ones.

Like, I'd watch one episode, and then I don't even know why I've done this, but I've started watching that show for teens called, like, Goosebumps.

It's bad.

Like Goosebumps with David Schwimmer.

No, not the new one.

I'm trying to watch the first one first so then I can watch the one with David Schwimmer.

I'm watching the one with Justin Long.

Would tt be able to watch that?

I think he loves already.

Oh, really?

Really?

No.

It'd be way too scary for him.

Amber once showed Theodore Jumanji when he was about three and a half or four.

Oh, get.

So he was about five.

Oh, it's not my fault.

He's only six.

He's only turned six.

I couldn't believe it.

Never.

Two.

Two weeks that child was in our bed.

He was absolutely terrified.

You know, we watched it again recently, and Gigi was just there.

She couldn't give a crap.

She was like.

She thought it was absolutely brilliant that neither of them were scared.

I thought it was okay because his cousin had watched it, and they're the same age, but he's obviously a bit more resilient.

Oh, my God.

The hell?

The scream that came out of his mouth.

I was like, jesus.

It was.

It was the bit where he got sucked into the board game.

He's like.

And his fingers.

I felt terrible, and you all made me feel terrible.

I kind of felt like crying.

Well, you should have felt terrible.

I had him on top of me and he kicks like.

Like you wouldn't believe.

Like a pony.

I've shared a bed with him for, like, a week.

Yeah, I know.

He does, like, acrobatics and gymnastics in the bed.

Okay, are you ready for faking it, Amber?

Okay, let's do it.

Okay.

Here.

Three headlines.

Two are fake.

Everybody, what is real?

Can we all.

I like to include us all.

Not you, emo cuz you wrote it.

Can we all spot the real from the fake?

And faking it, Restaurant customers leave screaming as cockroach crawls from chicken burger.

Kakarot.

I hate.

Who says.

Who says that?

Kakarot.

Tony Montana.

Yeah, you're a kakarot.

Sucable chicken noodle soup flavored cough drops are a thing now.

Ooh, I would.

That's not bad.

Like.

Well, how'd you feel about a chicken crisp?

Not for me.

I tried the.

Was it the Turk?

No.

What was it?

The Christmas dinner ones.

Well, I love a buffalo crisp.

Oh, yeah, but they're different.

Pensioner fights off laundress robber with a pair of underpants.

Okay, that's a hard one.

I have to say, I'm not too sure about savory cough drops.

I.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Because I don't.

Come on.

I can't see a pair of underwear.

Underwear.

Underpants.

I'm thinking of going for the underpants I'd like.

Like what?

With a pair.

Like little G string or what?

A pair of boxers.

Get away.

You'd kill anyone stone dead.

How many times have these.

I teed myself up for that.

Anyway, without further ado, I'll go with restaurant customer leaves screaming as a cockroach crawls from a chicken burger.

Oh.

Oh.

Suckable chicken noodle soup flavor.

Copped cough drops are a thing now, right?

A can soup company has announced soup flavored cough drops.

I don't really think cough drops work, do you?

No, I think you're just as good with a mint or something like that.

So she.

I don't know.

I'm assuming that would be.

What's that like.

What's that soup called again?

Yeah, it reminds me.

Do you remember we used to go up to Gina's and she used to make.

She used to make the most delicious chicken and broccoli Bake and, like, crisps on top.

Crush crisps?

Yeah, like salted crisps or cheese and Onion Walkers.

And then she gave me the ingredients to make it and I made it a couple of times and I was like, I don't think this is healthy.

No, I don't think.

I don't think it's healthy.

You could have your little chicken bacon, then you could, like, wash it all down with some Biscoff cereal, followed by.

One of my yummy yogis.

The Biscoff cereal was not for breakfast.

I cannot believe.

Oh, they look desperate.

They look like where there's originals, I.

Think they look like a stock.

I can't believe if that's the photo, like, and they put it beside a bowl of, like, chicken soup.

Rotten soup.

I actually, you know what?

I never order soup.

Do you use order soup now?

I find people.

If people who order soup in a restaurant are odd, I just like, what?

But then sometimes, if by some chance, random chance, soup gets put in front of me, I'm like, this is bloody lovely.

Such an issue with soup.

But then when I have it, I'm like, wow, we like a cauliflower soup is delicious.

I used to always make soup when I was trying to get away from eating sammies.

Every day is toasted sandwiches.

And I made soup a couple of times.

And it was a good few years ago, to be honest with you, but every time I made the soup, no matter what mix of, like, vegetables I put into it, it always tasted the same.

Amber, I wouldn't say now, I would like to say I think you're fantastic at lots of things.

I would not say you're good at cooking.

You're just not.

You aren't.

I am.

What?

Making pasta pesto?

What?

What do you do when you cook?

You don't.

You don't.

You're like, oh, I'll do the dishes.

And then you're like, oh, I have to go upstairs.

Oh, God.

I have.

Oh, it's Louisa.

Like, bulls off.

Oh, sorry, it's emo.

Oh, it's Pete.

I have to talk about the pod.

Like, you sit in your ass and do nothing.

Do you know what?

You're not.

That's it.

That's it.

Now you're not getting any of my salmon Bow, when you come over here, you can get lost.

I'm.

Salmon Bow.

Shut up.

Eon.

You order your own thing.

Okay?

We're going to do some listener emails before Amber and I murder each other.

Oh, it's from Spencer's friend.

And on again.

Hi, Vogue.

Ambie Bambi and Emo.

Anon, please.

Oh my God.

You know what happened to me today?

I was filming a TV show, right?

And like, I'm not saying I'm big, I'm a big superstar in the TV world or anything, but like they'd written my name down as V in like three different places.

I saw it.

I'm like, seriously, how?

How?

Like there's a magazine, Madonna.

Do you not know Madonna song?

Like, have you called me Fuge?

Sorry, imo, spelled your name incorrectly there.

I just corrected it.

What it said, I copied and pasted from the email.

And on.

You're in the.

You're in the.

You're in the bad books.

And on.

Okay, love the pod.

Longtime listeners, MTMG and sometimes listeners of S and V.

Now a full time listener of Amber and Vogue.

Much better name.

Oh, there you go.

Fit for feedback, lads.

We love it.

So I have a serious fight with my partner who is not supposed to be living in my apartment about the heating.

He wanted a 30 degrees Celsius constantly.

Yeah, that's a bit of me now I have to say 30 degrees.

Oh, I would be very happy.

I mean, that's hot enough for me in the sauna.

No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you're on her side then.

And I wanted at.

Or at.

I want it off or at 18 degrees Celsius.

When we get cold, he wants to go around in shorts and T shirt.

I wrap up because it's winter.

When I get angry that he's turned the heat up to 30 degrees Celsius, he says he'll pay for it, but his money is our money.

He says the cold is making him sick.

Am I the asshole to want to save money on the heat?

Now I would feel like I can't really be a part of this conversation because I.

I'm sorry.

I love being boiling.

Anyone comes into my house and they're like, what is wrong with you?

It's boiling in the summer because we've got big windows.

The kitchen goes to 36 degrees.

I'm only thrilled with myself.

Like, I love it in there.

36.

No, no, no.

Well, first of all, what does he mean?

But what does she mean?

Or he mean, but his money is our money.

They have to share money, but they don't live together.

Well, listen, stop judging their circumstances.

We're discussing the heating.

Amber be a bit scabby now with the heating as well.

Amber would be scabby with the heating.

I've walked into the kids room and I'm like, why is it so cold in here.

He's like, oh, I didn't put their heating on.

Stuff to.

Don't do that.

We turn off the heating when you're not here.

It was two grand for a month.

Of course we're going to turn off the heating, in my opinion.

Right.

Cost to live in the Sahara.

The thing about it is, is, like, it's nice to go around your shorts and T shirt, but also that seems to be a thing for lads, like, with the shorts and the Crocs.

Shorts are big.

Like, doesn't matter.

Rain or shine.

They want to be in shorts.

So I think they have to meet each other halfway.

I have my room 24 degrees.

24 degrees.

I know.

I would.

I would.

Midway between the two.

So what's midway between 18 and 30?

So 12.

So it's 24.

That's exactly what you said.

Yeah.

Sorry.

I did pass math.

Okay.

I only did ordinary level.

I'm actually really.

I'm like Rain Man.

Sometimes I really surprised myself.

Yeah.

Okay.

Trinity's knocking at the door.

Are they.

They're back.

They sent the cop.

Well, no, I.

I think it depends where you are, because I have my room at 18 and I think it's better to go sleep in a cold room.

Newborns are meant to have their room.

At 18, and I think 20.

Well, 20 is a nice heat as well, but 30 is just outrageous.

I'd.

I'd only settle.

I'd settle for 24.

I wouldn't.

I would not be going around in an 18 degree or.

What about you, Emma?

I prefer a colder bedroom, definitely.

I can't stand it when it's too hot.

I don't.

I love being.

Vogue's house is so warm sometimes.

You know the way sometimes when you're starting to feel sick and you, like, you start to feel sick and you start sweating and stuff like that, and you're like.

And you start, like, retching.

Dry wretch.

I come in and I see a door open.

I'm like, what is wrong with you?

Close that.

It's freezing.

This is our next.

Do you want to read this one or you read the next one?

The long one.

Okay.

Will you be able for a long one now?

Just.

Just give me a moment.

Can I.

Can I read it first and do a practice run?

I used to love being called out to reading school.

Okay.

Hey, Vogue, Ambien, Emo.

Loving the new pod.

And also here for the queer side of the show shining through.

I wanted to send in my dilemma.

Feel like this.

A little gay problem.

I Was out at my friend's house party the other week.

Can I say queer?

Probably not.

Can I not?

Is that not because I'm not one?

Can I say, are you queer or can I not say that?

No, it's not offensive.

It's.

It's.

It's been reclaimed as a non offensive term.

I was heading my friend.

Okay, just give me a chance here, will you?

I wanted to send in my dilemma.

I was out at my friend's house party the other week.

There were tons of people I didn't know, but I was promised there'd be loads of singles to crack on with.

And as I was desperate and as a desperately single gal looking for someone to make an honest woman out of me, I was persuaded.

So at the party, head deep in the fridge trying to find the limes, I bumped into.

I was bumped into to find a gorgeous girl behind me in the kitchen trying to locate the ice.

Oh, you love ice, Amber.

That might have been you.

I was like, what I was in.

Is this in London?

We started joking around and chatting and I thought to myself, what a lovely meet cute.

A heartwarming thing to tell our grandkids we met trying to.

What a lovely meet cute.

What a meet cute is a thing.

Like a cute way of meeting somebody.

A meet cute.

Oh, my God.

I'm not down with the youth vernacular.

What'll be me excuse?

God damn it.

It's a youth marketing agency I work for too.

I gotta get down the kids.

A heartwarming thing to tell our grandkids we met trying to find different elements of a vodka L.

Throughout the night, we kept bumping into each other and there were lots of flirty looks across the room.

Later we started talking a bit more and I was laying it on thick.

All the flirty touching, laughing and giving her the sexy eyes.

I was also very drunk at this point, so I might have been giving more squinty than sexy.

But anyway, I just finished daydreaming and decided I was going to go in for the kiss when she mentioned her housemate's name.

After some inquiry, I found out that she lives with my ex.

Ex.

What are the bloody chances I find my wife to be on my ex vag.

I just did it.

My ex badge blocks me.

I did decide to kiss her anyway and we're going out for drinks soon.

But is that a good idea?

Do I start something with someone when my ex who thinks who things didn't end well with might be in the next room?

Oh, please.

I'm sorry, but like, that's what lesbians do and you know it.

You all like, you all have to get with each other's exes and stuff because the pool smaller.

Yeah.

So.

Well, for the girls, not the guys.

So basically, in my opinion with this.

Just don't go there when you're having dates and stuff like that.

If it didn't end well with the ex, you're gonna have to have that conversation.

But go for it.

Go for a date.

See how it goes.

And you are gonna have to flag with her that you want your ex.

But.

Yeah, but I wouldn't do it straight away.

Like let her fall for you a.

Little bit and then tell her.

That'S.

Oh, sadistic.

Yeah, too late now.

You have feelings.

You cut feels.

That's what they say.

So badge block and cute me meet cute.

Meet cute.

Badge block.

I.

I hate that word.

But anyway.

And I think that like, like you like when I think of all of our lesbian friends, they've all.

They all like, have.

It's not even that.

We used to do that when we were younger anyway as well.

Yeah, that's true.

That's true.

Well, that's it.

That's it for the podcast, Amber.

It certainly is.

So listen, remember, we'd love to hear from you.

I'll try and read the emails as they come in.

So please do message in on Vogue @amber pod global.com so I can.

I need to practice.

The more practice I get, the better.

Subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening and drop us five stars.

I know I messed up, but listen, we're only human.

Bye.

Bye.

This is a Global Player original podcast.