[00:00:00] Nathan Maingard: Why do so many of us feel like outsiders in a world that doesn't feel like it was made for us

[00:00:06] As children, we trust those who are responsible for our care, whether that's our parents, our school systems, our governments or the mainstream media.

[00:00:16] We look outside ourselves to try to understand how we need to behave to get our needs met. All of us have the need for belonging, the need for connection, the need for enoughness, authenticity and safety. Unfortunately, we've been screwed by our society.

[00:00:33] I'm your host Nathan Maingard and welcome back to We Are Already Free, the podcast where Conscious misfits from the mainstream stop worrying how bad it all is out there, and instead get inspired and informed so they can focus on being the change and finding their tribe and living a beautiful life together.

[00:00:51] When you hear the words, we are already free. What comes up for you?

[00:00:55] Multiple Past Guests: Acceptance. Change. To shift in awareness. Human beings are so powerful, there's so much more. Everything is love behind it. Breaking the chains of your own minds, that which remains. Nature. Getting outta the matrix. We're sitting on the treasure and it's already unlocked.

[00:01:11] Speaker 5: We are already free. You're free. You are a walking map. Have always been free. You are always free. Already free. We are already free.

[00:01:19] Nathan Maingard: So in this episode, I'm gonna talk about community and connection. And this is an ongoing journey for me as well. And this is a solo episode, but I'm really gonna cover this idea of why community is so important and the different ways that that can look. This episode is gonna give you the information that you need to realize why, if you currently feel isolated and alone, and like you don't have a solid soul tribe that you can really be yourself with, that's not just a nice to have. That's an absolutely critical key piece that you, that kind of, you need to start with. Like that's the foundation, is connect with others like you so you can really remember who you are. And remember that you are already free. And start to enjoy being your authentic self more.

[00:01:59] These are critical things, so if you're one of the people like me, highly sensitive, empathetic, conscious, connected to some beautiful mystery of life. We come into this world and pretty quickly get hammered either by the parents or by the school or by our peers.

[00:02:16] this is not a judgment on any of those. Everyone who's hammering us is themself trapped into an ideology, into a system that they think is the only option. I very clearly remember the shift that happened when I was a kid. that moment of realizing, oh dear, my authentic self is not welcome here.

[00:02:31] Without having your authentic community around you, without having a tribe that aligns with who you really came here to be. It's gonna be really hard to step out of that pattern of limitation, of isolation, of self-doubt, of insecurity. Because those old patterns are like a holding structure.

[00:02:49] They're a template for a certain way of showing up in the world. even though you may know that way of showing up in the world is not working for you. and you'll know this because you'll feel a sense of dissatisfaction, of low energy.

[00:03:00] You won't feel as vital as you know that you can be. And you'll also feel a lack of purpose, a lack of fulfillment. Those things are indications that you're not really showing up as your authentic self. You're not really living aligned with your purpose.

[00:03:12] So today's episode is really gonna support you in starting to take those steps, stepping out of that rut consciously, one step at a time, starting to change how you show up in the world, and really focusing especially on community.

[00:03:25] Who are you connecting with? 'cause once you start to connect with people who align with your vibe. It makes it so much easier to make the rest of the changes. Humans are designed to transform in community. So let's get into it.

[00:03:37] So many of us are hiding vulnerable or scary parts of ourselves from the world because we think, oh, if I show that, then I'm gonna be rejected. And that's completely normal. That's how we've been raised and trained. to just show the mask, the face we put on in the morning that we then take out into the world

[00:03:52] And that's the wild part is we think, oh, if I just follow all these other rules, then I will be happy. But the reality is that a solid community, the kind of people who get, you want your authentic self, they want to welcome all the parts of you.

[00:04:05] That's been my experience. So let me take you back. All the way back initially, where, first of all, coming into this world, I was super excited about life. I have such clear memories of wanting to authentically connect with people, hang out, be real together, be in life together, and then went to school and was bullied and hammered, and teachers gave me detention and it was, I felt it, I felt this expansive feeling of, oh wow, life is so exciting and beautiful and there's so much potential and I can be, I can experience this whole thing.

[00:04:35] Me not being in the mold, was a challenge to the status quo. Which is you if you're listening to this and you're any kind of misfit or weirdo. Please note, if you're listening to this, and I use the word weirdo, I use it in the original sense of the term, which is one who controls their own fate, and so a weirdo is a compliment as far as I'm concerned.

[00:04:52] It's someone who is in control of our consciousness. And that is crushed out of us by society. That's what makes us weird. It's not a negative, it's a positive. So if you're a weirdo like me, or a misfit or an outsider, you will know what that felt like when you wanted to express and blossom and create and share and someone smacked you for it. Either physically or emotionally, crushed you down.

[00:05:12] No, that's not welcome. Put you in a locker, lock you in the box, keep you tight and squished. And so that happened to me, and for a long time I thought it was something wrong with me. I really did. I thought, okay, so I didn't get it. I didn't understand how to be human,

[00:05:26] Let me shut it all down, try to toe the line, follow the status quo. And I just got more and more sick. It just really made me so sick. I've talked about this in other episodes, but long story short, it was only in my sort of early to mid twenties where I was like, this is not working for me. I'm hurting myself. I'm hurting other people. I have to make a change. Things need to change.

[00:05:45] it's been extreme at times. Severe depression, substance abuse, all these things that I've gone through, all out of this desire to be more myself. But this deep fear that there was something so wrong with me, that if I showed my true self, it would be rejected. As it was when I was young. And as it may have been for you when you were young. this has been the gift of working with conscious. Community transformation and I'll share more about that right now.

[00:06:10] So the scariest part for me initially was, because I didn't want to be seen by anyone else because I thought, if they see how broken I am, they're not gonna want to be with me. And because of that, I tried to kind of heal in isolation. I went through some very deep and scary experiences, even at the time in shared spaces with plant medicines or meditation courses

[00:06:30] When the pain would come up, I would just turn it inward and hide it. I didn't want anyone to see, you can't see me, you can't see my pain, my wounding, my vulnerability. And so it just became thicker more painful and sharper.

[00:06:41] And it really took meeting someone like in my case, my partner Carly, where we had this deep connection and I loved her so much that I wanted to go deep, no matter what that meant. I started seeing a therapist and so that it was just one-on-one for a bit. And again, I'm not saying one-on-one work is bad.

[00:06:55] It's been helpful for me. I support people With my one-on-one work with coaching and it, it's phenomenal. I love it. And I see now that for me, the group work just accelerates the whole thing. if I could do it all over again and just go straight into group work, obviously in good company, that's really important.

[00:07:14] So what I did though was I just wanted to work with a therapist and then I just wanted one-on-one breath work or plant medicine. I didn't want anyone else to see. And it took me quite a long time before actually in a medicine journey, I was given the message

[00:07:26] Dude, you've built this castle. Literally, I saw this image. And imagine this now, maybe this is you listening. But there was a castle that I had built around myself that had a moat and a lake around it with a drawbridge. I'd raise the drawbridge and I was in my little castle, and my castle was my castle of healing.

[00:07:42] And I was gonna heal myself and be better. And when I was better, then I would lower the drawbridge and everyone could come in and we could all be friends again. And I could connect and show people all of myself. Then I would be healed and I would be worth their time. And I was shown a very clear image of the ripples of reality.

[00:08:00] That the ripples of the being that I am are always integrated into the whole. And the ripples of everything else are also integrated into me. There is no isolation. That castle I had built myself was simply a story I was telling myself and the medicine very clearly. The message from Spirit, the universe, my higher self, was:

[00:08:19] go and sit in community, sit in the circle. Connect with other people and heal that way. Not just heal, but be that way. Live that way. And so I did. I went and I sat with plant medicines. I rejoined a men's circle that I'd briefly been a part of and left 'cause I was too overwhelming. I, I, I stepped consciously into community.

[00:08:39] It was profound. It is profound. I now have people that when things are getting bad in myself. And in my case it gets like, I get self-loathing when I go down. I just think I'm worthless and I deserve punishment and all these things. That's a different story, but that's my patterning. And when that happens, I actually have agreements with specifically one or two friends.

[00:08:58] I've said I'm gonna call them, and They're like, please call me. If you don't call me in those situations, I will be annoyed. Like that's a huge shift and I, and I wanna know from you right now. I mean, you can share in the comments if you feel, comfortable enough on Spotify. Or on the show notes. Or you can send me a private message.

[00:09:15] You'll see there's always links in the show notes for that. But let me know how many people do you have in your life who you feel safe enough that you could call in those dark moments? And they won't try to fix you. They won't try to rescue you or save you, but they will sit with you in the darkness, and just be there with you, just loving you.

[00:09:32] Just holding the space of I am here with you, even in this moment. Do you have those people in your life? And if not, that's okay. I'm gonna offer some potential solutions for you in a moment, but I just wanna get clear about that. it's important that we start where we are, and just be honest about that without judgment.

[00:09:49] Some of the big lessons that I learned from stepping into these conscious community spaces, and more recently into the Already Free Academy, which is the community that I've created. That I get so much out of. I think the reason I'm doing this episode now is 'cause we had a circle last night and it was just so profound and so connective and beautiful that I'm just riding on that energy right now.

[00:10:08] But some of the things I learned is that the things I was ashamed of. The shameful parts I thought I needed to keep hidden. Those parts were welcome in those spaces. There's healing in bringing those parts through and allowing them to be witnessed. And that's such a relief that I don't have to carry the energy.

[00:10:23] I don't have to spend all this energy locking a part of myself away and like holding the door closed, while that part is hammering on the door, trying to, trying to come back into my life. Even those most shameful parts, they just want to be seen. They want to be welcome. They want to be part of the story, and that was massively healing for me.

[00:10:39] It is also incredible in those spaces because of the stories that I hear from others. So many times, I don't know what I'm struggling with. I don't know why there's something sticky in my life and someone else in the circle will share something or have an experience that speaks to the deepest parts of me, and in that moment I feel so connected.

[00:10:58] It's one of the reasons I call the breath work I do, boundless breath. Because boundless is what happens when I go into these spaces. Whether it's breathwork or Already Free Academy, what happens to me in those spaces is that the boundaries that separate me from others. The boundaries that put me above someone else or below someone else, those boundaries dissolve and we become boundless.

[00:11:20] We become connected again, and it's such a beautiful experience and I wish that for you and for all of us.

[00:11:26] One of the crazy things is that there have been studies showing that humans learn and grow way faster when it's in groups. So if you're trying to learn something or you're trying to transform some part of your life, and you're struggling with it, you give yourself the gift of community and connection it just becomes so much easier and faster.

[00:11:44] And the research backs that up, which is super cool as well. And kind of obvious, but it's nice to know that the science is on board with something positive here and there.

[00:11:52] And we come to this place now of, of how do we find these communities? How do you find a community where you can really be yourself? And it is challenging right now, we are all so spread out all over the world. In our insulated, isolated environments. And often our tribe isn't close to us.

[00:12:10] that can be really hard. I have mixed feelings about online communities, It's something that I still wrestle with. And yet I am a part of one or two, and I say that with intention. Don't join too many online communities.

[00:12:25] Remove yourself from any communities that are not currently supporting your full expression. Your joy, your purpose, your connection, your meaning, like a reason to get up in the morning. If it's not supporting that, just leave it. You don't need to be there.

[00:12:39] And I currently am part of one community that I'm really active in, and I also facilitate and host the already free academy, which is the one I'm mainly active in,

[00:12:48] The other one is one I'm part of and I get value out of. It's people like me who are facilitators guides teachers and healers, and we support one another on that path.

[00:12:56] already free academy is really for anyone who is a conscious misfit. Who is a even an awakening professional. Like we have people on there, like an architect who was struggling, sitting in a cubicle every day and now experiences a lot more liberation and direction through having discovered her purpose and alignment. Still doing architecture just in a completely different way.

[00:13:17] We've got a sous chef who's. wonderful. He's really consistent with attending the weekly gatherings and has expressed the incredible transformation. One of the things I love, he said, is that friends are saying that he's taller, so he's basically walking more straight. He's walking more in his power since he joined already free academy. He's just learned some of the tools and methods for owning himself more. being more fully authentic in who he really is. And there are many other stories like that. So it's really profound, and Already Free Academy is a powerful space for me and for the people who are there.

[00:13:49] So again, around this online offline thing. An online community should be helping us to show up more fully in real life. Online is not real life, and it shouldn't be a replacement for real life. It can however, be a support, be an assistant. Especially if you're in a space where you don't have that tribe around you.

[00:14:09] An online community can be incredibly supportive. And as I said, I run an online community. I believe it is worth doing. I just think we need to be very careful that it doesn't become the only thing. My intention with Already Free Academy. It's actually still very new. We have just around 50 members in there. My intention with it over time is to teach the members the skills to be able to start facilitating in-person circles wherever you are so that you can find your people.

[00:14:35] My friend Ricardo, you'll have heard him on the podcast if you listen to a lot of the episodes. We were having a chat. and he used basketball 'cause he loves basketball. And he basically said like, if you love basketball, but you keep it a secret, you never tell anyone that you love basketball. How do the other people who love basketball find you?

[00:14:51] How do they know to call you up and be like, there's a basketball game on. You want to come play or you want to go watch it? How do they know if you don't show up and say, I love basketball.

[00:14:59] So my intention with already free academy is that you will have the tools over time to be able to put up your hand and say, I love basketball in whatever area you live in. And again, I'm not talking about basketball. But where you can put up posters, put up flyers, and say, Hey, there's a circle happening about this, about being authentic, about showing our true feelings, about being who we really are. Building a different world where the food cares for us as we care for the earth. As we care for one another. As we all feel, heal and grow together.

[00:15:29] And I promise you, if you want more of that in your life, there are people in your community who want more of that in their life. And yes, there will be some people who go, you're crazy, you're weird, you are a misfit, you don't belong.

[00:15:40] Great. Those aren't your people. You don't have to worry about them. Focus on what you do want. Focus on the people you want to connect with, the people you want to be in relation with, and the rest will take care of itself.

[00:15:50] So I hope this has been of value to you. I really invite you to join a community, whether that is in person or online, or both. If you have resonated with what I've been saying here, then you are the exact person I want in already free academy.

[00:16:04] It's a bit too late for the early pioneer lifetime access, but we still have early bird access right now. We do weekly gatherings on there, which are so beautiful. I mentioned it earlier.You get free access to the five day morning practice challenge, which is a very simple routine that will just help you to empower your mornings, which leads into the rest of your day.

[00:16:23] There's ongoing engagement, support. it's only gonna get better. I'm planning to do a supportive dopamine detox. So many of us, myself included, are hooked on our devices or we overuse something more than we would like to, and we're stuck in that rut. Change happens most easily in community. I'm running a 21 day dopamine detox challenge very soon. Before the end of the year. I'd love you to be a part of it. The link is in the show notes. You can go and get more information there and sign up, and I'd be honored to have you.

[00:16:52] We have boundless breathwork sessions. I have resources in there so you can watch replays anytime you like. There's group coaching. There's a seven day free trial. You can sign up risk free for seven days.

[00:17:03] And yeah, I know this sounds like I'm selling something. And I am. I'm selling what I believe in. I'm selling what I need. And this is a sincere invitation to you. If you want to feel seen connected supported authentic and accountable. This is the simplest way that you can do that.

[00:17:20] Especially no risk. Just sign up for a week and see how it feels. Does this feel resonant? Do I feel like I'm connecting with these people? Read some of the intros, see what people have been sharing. I would love to welcome you to Already Free academy. It's an absolute blessing.

[00:17:33] Once we've got the next cohort in, I'll be closing the doors so that we can really focus on getting this 21 day dopamine detox sorted. We're also doing an epic thing where we help you to focus, because it's an academy. The whole point is to be learning together and as individuals.

[00:17:46] What I do is support you in discovering what is an area of your life that, if you make positive change in, it will positively affect. Every other area of your life. And we do some exercises and processes to support you to discover that, and then we check in, in the weekly gatherings.

[00:18:00] How are you doing? Do you need support? Where are you stuck? What are you moving forward with? This is the stuff I offer in my one to one coaching, which is a deeper dive and gives you more opportunity for rapid transformation, but you're getting almost the same value from already free academy at a minuscule fraction of the price.

[00:18:17] So I really do recommend you take that action. You can also join for free, by the way, if you go to the link. Sign up for the seven days, and even if you don't continue, you still get access to some very cool parts of the community.

[00:18:28] Like you get the show notes from every podcast episode, that you can comment on. You still have access to the five day morning practice challenge. So it's really like a zero risk thing. Might as well do it, see how it goes, and see if you resonate and want to continue. Thank you for being here. This is a deep, great, real pleasure.

[00:18:45] I love sharing this with you, and I love remembering together that We, Are Already Free. So I'll be back again next week with another episode. Thank you for being here, and blessings on your day For now, your next action is to go to the show notes or go directly to alreadyfree.me/academy. It's in the show notes. Thank you for being here. You're so beautiful and so amazing and I hope that you take action 'cause I can't wait to meet you and get to know you better. All the best in your day.

[00:19:10] I'll see you next week.