Welcome to the six figure business mastery podcast, where every week,

Kirsten and Jeannie dive into the essential topics to fuel your business

growth from copywriting to course creation, mindset to video marketing.

Welcome everyone to our latest episode.

Thanks so much for joining us today.

And we are very excited to be joined by Ray Engen from the Lean in Factor.

Ray is a fantastic speaker.

He's so much fun and he works with speakers and coaches that

love to speak and coach, but they don't manage their sales well.

So it's going to be a great conversation about the Lean in Factor, faster

friendships and better sales.

So thanks so much for being here, Ray.

Oh, it's awesome to be here.

This is a hoot.

I even brought my own ray of sunshine for my shoulder right here.

Oh, I like it.

I see that sunshine.

The drop of sun.

It's me, I call myself.

It's interesting because people do like to coach because I do like to speak,

but a lot of people hate sales, right?

So how do you help them with that?

A hundred percent.

And over the last five years, working with a lot of entrepreneurs, what

I was dealing with was people that told me that they have this great

idea and they're brilliant, and they also are amazing at building rapport.

And that's their words, right?

And I said, so what's the problem?

Nobody calls me back and nobody answers my email and what I really

realized then is that there's a big gap between a stranger And being a

client and that gap is connection.

And that's what people don't do very well.

We put barriers up in front of us to connect with people on a regular basis.

And if you ask for advice on how to connect with people, you get the

wrong advice because people think you have to be polite and reverent

and put people up on a pedestal.

And the number one tip I would give anybody that's trying to meet someone

that they've never met before, be it.

In business, on the sidewalk, whatever.

Stop asking questions.

The questions, your friends don't ask you questions when they meet you.

And what happens when someone comes up, think about this.

If I said, can I ask you a question?

Your natural response is you go, okay.

You pull away and you dip your chin.

You're protecting your throat because there's a perceived

threat by your critter brain.

And, but if I said, I have a crazy question.

You actually lean in and go, what is it?

So when we go in and we say, here's something that your

friends have never said to you.

Good morning.

How are you today?

They will not do that.

Say, Oh, I love that red on you or whatever they're saying though.

That's what they do.

And so when you start with a question, you immediately put this wall up.

And I discovered this, I did stand up comedy for 15 years.

And then I went into sales and the first sales job I had was in retail.

And when I became a sales manager, the first thing I did was forbid everybody

in the store from saying the question that you get asked every single time

you walk in a retail store, can I help you when you ask that question?

Can I help you?

No, I'm just looking.

And then two seconds later, they're like, where is that person?

I got questions, but if you make a statement and the one that I first

tried that still works to this day, if you want it, if anybody in retail wants

to use this, I'll let you buy that.

And when you say, I'll let you buy that.

Here's the exact response every single time.

Oh, I bet you would.

But while you're here, let me ask you this.

So what you've done is you start a conversation.

Questions don't start a conversation.

Statements start a conversation.

And the thing is, especially when you're going into business, do you

want somebody that's reverent to you?

Or do you want somebody that's comfortable and confident?

In what they do.

And that's what statements do for you is it portrays confidence and comfort.

You will never hear me come on a podcast, a zoom call.

And the first thing I'll say is, hi, how are you today?

You'll never hear it.

And he's like, what's that painting?

I'll make a statement based on, oh, that's a great color green for you,

Kirsten, and something like that.

Because like people who wear colorful stuff, they do it for a reason.

They like to be noticed.

And if you call it out, they're like, Oh, thank you.

If you compliment, if somebody has some really nice shoes on

and you say, wow, those are great shoes, you will get a reply.

One of two things they'll tell you who made it or how much they spent for it.

It'd be these Jimmy Choo.

Oh, we'll celebrate with balloons or these Walmart six bucks.

So they're proud of one way or another.

They got these great looking things for no money, or they spent

the money and they got the best.

And those are the things that's the biggest mistake.

I see people making your friends.

Never will send you an email that say, I hope this finds you well.

Oh, chat will though.

Chat GPT, that's his favorite first line when writing an email.

And then that's exactly how, you know, that's not a real person

or that person is a friend.

Chat GPT is a true, to me, it allows me to brainstorm by myself

because I can't do it by myself.

So it'll give me answers.

I never use what it says, but it gives me the ideas and it kicks that off.

So chat GPT is like an intern.

Yeah, exactly.

You wouldn't put him in charge of your whole company, but

let him do the work for you.

Absolutely.

But I love how you also inject humor.

And I think that people love that.

They want to laugh.

They want to smile.

They want to feel like brings levity and, and put your shoulders down,

especially when it's like a cold relationship, you don't know that person.

It is the biggest secret weapon you can possibly have.

There's a book called Humor Seriously that talks about the business side

of humor, and it's a fantastic book.

But what it is, you can even see it with people, because it's instant

rapport, likability, and trust.

And when, if I'm doing these things live, I'll go up and I'll say, So,

when you meet a stranger, sometimes it's magical, sometimes it's creepy.

What's the difference?

And the number one answer I get is that, well, the vibe, right?

What the heck is a vibe?

How do you create the vibe?

And then somebody would say, Oh, it's the tone.

And I go, Oh, so it's the tone.

So if I come up to you and I go, Hi, what's your name?

And I do that.

And even on zoom, it happens.

People will pull back and they'll drop their chin.

Right.

The most vulnerable area of your body.

You are hardwired to protect it when you feel the creep vibe.

And so I go, Oh, I'll change my tone.

That'll do it.

They go, Oh, hi, what's your name?

They go, Oh, that's creepier.

It is just when you make people laugh.

What's the opposite of tucking your chin?

You throw your head back.

You expose your throat saying, I trust you.

That's a subconscious.

I trust you.

And using.

Humor in sales, for example, they did a study and they did the exact

same sales presentation to people.

And the only difference was one person at the end said,

and I'll throw in my pet frog.

And that person sold 37 percent more amazing.

And humor is not comedy.

It's just creating a smile in business.

And that's all you need.

You can have a great sense of humor, not be funny.

And you can use humor and not be funny at all, let cartoons do it for you.

So Ray, I am in Orlando right now for PodFest, so I will be

meeting lots of new people.

So at a conference, obviously you're looking to make connections.

I would like to find incredible guests like you to be on our podcast.

I would like to be invited as a guest on other people's podcasts.

We're looking for people to collaborate with.

And of course, always hopefully find some audience, right?

So what are your best tips for communications and sales and meeting

people in this type of environment?

If you can personalize it a little bit and be different than everybody else.

So I call it being acceptably unusual.

So instead of saying, hi, what's your name?

What do you do for a living?

How boring is that?

Everybody's going to be saying that there.

Tell me the most exciting thing that's happened to you at work this year.

That's a much better question.

And they haven't been asked it.

Here's what I say.

I'm looking for a hero and I'm hoping you're it's great.

Don't ask questions about work that everybody else would ask.

So you do this, that's great.

What cartoon character shaped you growing up to make you like this?

Then you become memorable.

When I worked in sales for this one company, we did stuff to large companies

and we did defense contractors and prime contractors and big companies.

And there was a show that Disney was at.

Nobody was in line waiting to talk to Disney cause they wanted to be.

Disney's procurement specialist and everybody's doing the same thing and

walking up and I saw the, the woman who's in charge of Disney procurement just had

this glaze over her face with everybody.

And I pulled my guy and I said, look, here's what I want

you to say to this person.

Why don't you do it?

I go, no, because you're the one that has to get better at it.

I could do this now.

I need you to do this.

So he walks up and he said, Oh yeah.

Hi.

And he goes, Oh, what did we do?

In the last year, we put the space shuttle up twice.

We put Carrie Underwood on stage in front of 18, 000 people

where she wouldn't have made it.

And we also, that lander that's up on Mars roving around there.

We did that too.

Is there a miracle that Disney needs in the next six months

that we could solve for you?

And she looked at him and went, what?

And she grabbed it.

The secret card out of the pocket and said, call me tomorrow.

And that's how you stand out when we communicate.

And part of the lean in factor is there's three things.

I always tell whether you're any kind of communication, you

clarify, simplify, and amplify.

And when you talk, what is the one goal of your conversation?

And you have to be able to say this.

In 10 words or less, you need that kind of clarity.

There's only one reason to speak.

And it comes from the best thing I heard was John F. Kennedy to change the world.

And now you aren't going to change the world.

Like on this podcast right here, we're not going to change the world, but

somebody hears one of these things.

And if you take those tips to the podcast convention and you meet

somebody new, I just change your world.

And so that's what your goal is.

And if you think that clearly when you're sending an email, when you're

having a communication with people, then it becomes much more impactful.

To clarify is what do you want your audience, the person, to do,

think, or feel when you're done?

And you got to be able to say, I like to do it in five words or less.

It simplifies whatever you're about to say in eight words.

Say it in three because we use fluff words all the time to get people to try and

like us and those backfire all the time.

If I was going to give you my opinion and I say, I think You're

trying to be polite, I think, it's not like this is true, I think.

But what the person on the other end hears is, Hey dummy, I'm

smarter than you, listen to this.

And we don't realize that we're doing that, especially with

strangers that you don't know.

Your friends are fine.

You can't screw up a client or a good friend with a mistake in words.

And then amplify, if you're sending emails or you're writing a speech

and it's something you're going to give all the time, the most impactful

word in the sentence goes at the end.

And that comes straight from stand up days.

If you speak after the punchline, the audience stops laughing because they liked

what you said and they want to hear more.

But if you keep speaking, they stop laughing, and what you get,

your instant feedback is gone.

And then you think you're dying, and they're loving everything you say.

But they're just polite because they want to hear more.

And so at the end, it's the most frustrating thing in the world.

You were so great.

Where was I?

So those three things in communication are really what

the Lean In Factor's all about.

It's what we do.

It's creating connections with people.

And from stage, your first line is your prime real estate.

If you don't have a good first line, they don't hear the second.

And so, if you don't hit on that first line, so what's

the worst thing you could say?

Good morning, how are you today?

Or, I'm a little bit nervous.

I hope this goes well.

Yeah.

So do they, because they don't want to be bored.

And this is a weird analogy, but you ever drive around a country road and late

at night, and all of a sudden that bug just like explodes on your windshield.

And it's huge.

You don't know what it was, but it was big and you do the wiper

thing and it smears it all across.

And that one wing just keeps flopping up in the air.

And you remember that bug, the nodding of your head, show me that you've both

had that bug experience right there.

You don't remember.

The bug's name, its family history, how it got there, what it happened

to it on the way to the windshield.

You remember hitting the windshield.

So when you speak, when you meet a stranger, hit the

windshield, be memorable.

And then that wing stays with them.

It's a horrible analogy, but I just love I did that.

That's a great analogy.

Actually, I'm going to stick with us.

I'm going to throw a challenge out to you.

I think you should write your own GPT for chat GPT.

Raise musings and if somebody puts in there, you can help them with articulate

or come up with something fun and funny.

I was talking to a group and they were talking about AI, and I said,

you don't need AI, you need Ray Eye.

There you go, Ray Eye, I love it.

That's awesome.

They're such great and smart tips because it totally makes you memorable when you

say something that nobody's expecting.

And you're totally right with the, Hi, how are you today?

Aren't we having fun?

And did you go see this speaker?

And those are all the normal conversations.

The thing that we notice that gets in the way is the congruency of four things.

Really?

And internal and external your actions, your words, your

expressions, your emotions.

And if you are nervous on the inside and you go, I was so confident, right?

The audience knows that.

And when you say, oh.

It's nice to meet you.

And it doesn't sound like it's nice to meet you.

That's people always talk about authenticity.

That's the basis of authenticity.

If you sound like you mean, and the oldest study in the world,

which is the most misquoted study of all is that the 87 percent of

all communication is not the words.

That is so quoted.

And the guy who wrote the study said, no, that's not what the study means.

He was showing that it has to be congruent.

Your face and the face when you're thinking about things to say to people,

the face is like the tell that they can't hide because they're not playing poker.

So they don't keep the poker face on.

And what happens is this little area right here, the glabella.

This is how you find out if an idea is good or bad.

Because if you say something and you go gravity defying behavior on the face.

is good.

A smile is gravity defying behavior.

Raising the eyebrows, gravity defying behavior.

If they stay flat, they probably didn't understand what you said, but

they're not going to tell you that.

So you have to find a different way to explain it.

So Ray, quick question.

If someone were, because we hear this a lot, they go networking and they're out

talking to people, they take an interest in the person, but they feel like no

one ever takes an interest in them or never listens to what they're saying.

It could be that you're just boring.

You might not be reading the clues and you might be saying the things that

they've heard over and over again.

Like when you first go to a network and it doesn't matter who you meet,

the first person you meet, there's going to be a level of excitement

because you're getting in there and there's people or trepidation, fear,

or there is some genuine emotion tied to you the first person you meet.

The 27th person it's, Oh, what do I do for a living?

Gee, I haven't heard that question before.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I told you I'm from Florida and you're going to ask about hurricanes.

Gee, that's original.

Oh, I'm from San Francisco.

Oh, earthquakes and fires and all that kind of stuff.

It's like after a while, it wears you down.

So the first person doesn't matter what you say, cause

there's going to be a level.

Yeah, but after that, you got to work for it.

You got to maintain that internal enthusiasm because enthusiasm sells.

It sells you, it sells your ideas.

It sells your products.

It sells people it sells that we're constantly selling.

I think it's Patricia Fripp says life is a series of sales situations.

And if you have kids and trying to get them to clean their room, that's sales.

Getting a spouse to eat at a restaurant you want to eat at and they don't.

That's sales.

And so what is it that takes an understanding of the techniques

that go behind these things?

There is.

No difference in the skill set between influence and manipulation.

The skill set is the same.

The difference lies in the intent of the speaker.

And I was on a call with Dr. Robert Cialdini, the guy who

wrote the book Influence, and his answer was exactly that.

And it's really true because If you know what it looks like coming and

going, then you can deal with it in the way that you want to deal with it.

You're in control.

But if you don't know how to do it and don't know how to get people to

lean in and go, really tell me more.

Cause that's all you want in life is a chance to show your personality.

And companies, even if it's a B2B thing, companies buy.

The person, there's always an emotion behind every purchase, even to a CEO

that is very data driven emotion is what is it going to sound like when I go to

the board and present these numbers that this guy can give me versus what that

guy can give me, it's an emotional pick.

It's not a hundred, it's not a hundred percent bottom line.

And so.

Every sale is really H to H, human to human.

You got to find a way in and that's going to be a human or there's other ways.

There's other illegal ways and not inappropriate ways.

And that's one thing that entrepreneurs don't do is they

don't see the value of what they do.

I connect very easily with people.

It took me a long time to realize that's a skill.

I just thought the way that's the way life was and how can you monetize it?

I can teach it to other people who can actually make money off it.

And so all these things think that what we do, isn't that.

That great and so you have to have that belief in your native genius and

there's what gets people in trouble The difference the gap that they see between

their self confidence and their self esteem So self confidence what you can

do self esteem is what you think other people think you can do and if there's

a gap Then there's usually a price problem With what they sell things for.

And which means that there's lack of work because people

don't think they're any good.

If you charge low, they think they can't be any good.

You know, if you charge too high, isn't that, Oh wow, you're expensive.

Isn't that great.

Yeah.

So you have me when you need me instead of having to shift

through hundreds of clients.

I love that.

So how would you help someone figure out their genius and because if they're

not funny, I love the book humor.

Seriously.

It's a great book and it does help you drop funny things in there, but

where would you help people kind of start with figuring out their voice?

You have to do a little bit of self reflecting and think about it.

Everybody does something really well, really quickly, really easily.

They just don't see it special.

And so they need to write down the things that they think they do well.

The other thing is asking your friends, what do I do?

What do I do well?

And the two phrases that, that drive my business now came from asking Pat.

Past clients.

What do I do for you?

Clarify, simplify, amplify.

Came from Karen Buxman, NSA Hall of Fame speaker.

And then the other one, what is it about me that you wish you had in you?

And he said, I love the way that you are acceptably unusual.

And I heard that and I go, Oh my God, that's my brand in a nutshell.

Cause that's what I am.

And humor is defined as a benign violation of a norm that surprises you, right?

Another friend called me a benign surprise.

People who are funny, naturally funny, look at the logic of

the words, where other people look at the logic of the idea.

And I see every piece of every word where most people listen for the sentence.

And I remember watching that as a little kid and laughing.

Because it was on the odd couple with Felix and Oscar and Felix, of course,

screwed up and Oscar Oscar screwed up and Felix was mad at him and there

happened to be a whiteboard and he said, I assumed, and then he wrote on the

board, assume he said, never do this.

And the first time I ever saw never this, cause then you

make an ass out of you and me.

And that was on TV and every word is like that.

Every word has pieces.

And what happens, and there are things that like when you feel

overwhelmed, how do you become whelmed?

You never hear the word whelmed, you never hear the word gruntled, or fuddled.

It's always befuddled, disgruntled, overwhelmed.

By putting that out there, it is a surprise that people aren't expecting,

and that's what creates laughter.

It's a big part of what creates laughter.

So you can see it, you just have to look for it.

And some people see it faster than others, but it's not a gift.

It's a process.

And that's another class that I do is called the humor algorithms

teaching the process of humor.

I love that.

I love this so much.

All right.

I'm going to ask you a very odd question.

What is your favorite word?

My favorite word off the top of my head, it will be the one that the

longest one I know is onomatopoeia.

Brilliant.

Just because befuddled and those are such great.

And I think I listen for those, and when I hear what I haven't

thought of, I write it down.

And I have these phrases.

I take my name and I put it in Re I. Be a Re markable leader.

All these things.

Anything that has Re in it has Re in it.

And so, I can change words with that.

And it produces a smile at worst.

If you do something, like an easy thing to do now that if I was going

to give a speech at a business or in front of a group of salespeople or

whatever, is if I would say something and then I gave a drug like disclaimer.

Asking questions is not safe.

That would be so easy to do.

And you'd have to memorize it and get it down there.

But the audience would appreciate that you did that.

Back in the day when I did stand up, I just strung together.

I talked about how we live a soap opera life and I said, we really do it.

We're born in this world.

We're young and restless as the world turns.

We search for tomorrow to see a guiding light.

We've become bold and beautiful.

So tragedy strikes.

We went up in general hospital realizing we have but one life to

live till we're off to another world.

Oh my God.

That's fantastic.

I see by my watch.

It's damn near the edge of night.

I'm going to get down to Santa Barbara to visit all my children.

My name is Ryan Hope.

Thanks for your loving.

And it just builds on it.

If you look at it.

It's not that funny, but when somebody just throws it all together and you

think it's over and then it keeps going and you think it's over and it keeps

going, you know, that I used to get applause after that and I didn't get

like huge laughter, but they just so appreciated because I did it for them.

And that's another thing about being when you're in a conversation at

networking, don't be thinking about the next question you're going to ask.

Don't be in your head, be in their shoes.

And the better you can describe their problems.

The more likely they are, they'll let you solve them.

And so understand what it's like to live in their world.

Look at life through their eyes with their wallet.

Don't use your wallet because most of our customers have more money than us.

That's why they're hiring us.

Right.

And my first retail job was selling home phones and it was commission.

And it was like a Christmas time.

It's like you were in the corner, like a fighter, like people

asking you questions about phones.

But there was an 80 phone that made me 4 when I sold it.

And there was 120 phone that made me a dollar when I sold it.

So I'm going like, I'll just sell that 80 phone.

I'll save people 40 bucks and make three more dollars.

And that's all I did because that's the most I would spend for a phone.

But there was a 350 phone that made me 50.

And there was a guy looking at it one day.

And I just walked up and I said, That's the coolest thing

I've ever seen in my life.

It had every bell and whistle.

It had speakerphone on the handset and on the base.

Caller ID and call waiting caller ID.

All these important features.

And he said, looked at me, said, I'll take two.

So in that moment, I made like a week's worth of.

The $80 phone selling there.

And that's when I realized that I would never, ever sell that phone again.

'cause there was one that was $190 that was almost as good as the $350 one.

So if they didn't buy the three $50 one, I said at least buy the cheap one.

And I made the 35 bucks on that $190 phone understanding what.

People really want it because they want to be cool.

They want to feel like they've got something.

When they hire you, they want to feel good about it, right?

When people came in, it was the first flat screen.

Not, it was a tube TV, but the screen wasn't round.

It was flat and it looked beautiful.

And people would come and say, yeah, my neighbor's got this 32 inch TV here.

I'd like to get that.

Don't you want to get a little bigger than they've got it?

Oh, that's good.

And they go, yeah, I do.

I do.

And you actually, cause you're giving them bragging rights.

So it's the intention is to help them in the bragging rights of the neighborhood.

Yeah.

I love that.

Ray, I could listen to you all day long.

Unfortunately, the podcast gods won't let us do that, but it's been so much

fun and so educational and so inspiring.

So first it's going to go out and meet a ton of people and

surprise and befuddle them.

It would be great though, because I got this great image when you just said that

the podcast guy is like Zeus, but he's got this microphone in front of him.

Oh, good logo.

There you go.

There's your next logo.

So right.

If people want to reach out to you, and obviously they should for so many reasons,

what's the best way for them to reach you?

Ray Engin at LinkedIn is a great way to do it.

But there's also a ray humorspeaks.

com is my email address.

I'd love to talk with you.

I also have a Calendly link that I would love to take anybody

that's talking about these things.

Give me 15 minutes and I'll whip whatever you've got going around and absolutely

happy to talk to you and send you anyway, no sales, no BS, just you and us

doing your thing and making it better.

That's the easiest and best way to do it.

I love that.

We'll put all of that in the show notes so people can definitely find you and

yeah, definitely have a chat with Ray.

I've had the opportunity to do that and just like he said, he's not

this high pressure sales person.

He will answer questions and you'll have a fantastic conversation.

And then from there, if it feels like a good fit to work with him,

then he'll tell you more about that.

But he is definitely worth your time having a conversation with Greg.

Yep.

Thanks for joining us today, Ray.

This has been fun.

Thanks for having me.

This is fantastic.

Thanks for listening to the six figure business mastery podcast.

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