Welcome to the

Peak Revival Podcast.

My name is Ner, and

today I'm gonna talk

about working Wiser.

Why Soft power is the new

leadership edge for women?

Hustle culture told women

that we could do it all,

but we feel like we are

failing at everything.

And we're not breaking the

glass ceiling.

We're leading into burnout.

And today, ambitious women

are redefining power.

Not to be the loudest voice

in the room, but to be the

calmest and the future of

leadership is soft power.

So it's not weak, but

it's working wiser.

Are we seeing an end

to hustle culture?

So I think, you know, I did

an episode back episode 50.

I talked about the drivers

for women and the drivers

of ambitious women,

why we wanna succeed.

Like it's not just, financial

gain and looking after family.

There is actually

more drivers to that.

And one of the new drivers

that we are seeing, or

I'm certainly seeing

is women redefining

success on their terms.

So they've gotten to

a place where, there's

no work life balance.

They're not really enjoying

their personal life because

their work is kind of bleeding

into their personal life.

They're burnt out, they're

exhausted, the mental load

is too big, and they're

kind of stepping back

and going, do I wanna

continue life for another

five, 10 years like this?

And they are looking

at redefining success

on their terms.

So I see a lot of my clients,

they're brilliant at what

they do, but they're burnt

out, right, and it, when they

weigh it up, it doesn't seem

like it's worthwhile to be

relying on caffeine and sugar

and late nights in order to

get where they wanna get to.

They're looking at things

through a different lens now.

So I've seen some stats

recently that up to 70% of

women say they feel burnt out.

42% of leaders are considering

stepping back from their

role, and women are unable

to switch off from work.

So when they get home,

they're still jumping

on their laptops, and

if they're working

remotely, then there's.

Still, were doing those

last emails late into the

night, and so this just

leaves women feeling anxious,

like there's so much mental

load that they're carrying.

They feel fatigued and

overworked and overwhelmed

because they're always on.

then I see for my clients

is that their nervous system

always stays kind of stuck

in this on state, right?

So kind of functional freeze.

And so that just means

their nervous system can

never relax and so their

body can never recover.

And so they're operating

on this high level of

stress that they become

accustomed to, right?

And then what we see in what

I see in my work is that there

is downstream effects of being

always on and always stressed.

But again, so when I see

this client, they're very.

Accustomed to this

level of stress, right?

And so it's not until

something is even more

stressful than that,

that it kind of registers

that, oh, I'm not

handling things very well.

I'm not coping with

this very well.

What is wrong?

but actually the

nervous system is kind

of stuck in this mode

for most of the time.

So what is soft power?

Right?

So, you know, I remember

back in the day I went

into a corporate job and

I, and it was really.

male driven, like all the

men were in leadership roles.

And it was rough and it

was rude, and it was such a

different environment to, the

corporate environment today.

And so we've come a

long way, but I think we

still have further to go.

And I think it's tapping

into more kind of this

soft power, more innate

skills that we have rather

than relying on this.

the skills that it may be more

masculine or ways of showing

up and communicating that

maybe we've seen in the past,

but really tapping into more

kind of these soft skills.

So we are looking at

emotional intelligence.

So Harvard recently said

that leaders with high

emotional intelligence

outperform others by 20%

so that's really interesting.

So that's really key, right?

20% is huge jump.

So emotional intelligence

is recognizing your

own emotions, right?

So when you are having

something, you know you're

going about your day,

you're feeling anxious, or

you're feeling angry, or

you're feeling triggered.

It is being able to recognize.

Your own emotions and

understand why you feel the

way that you do, and in

that way, helping to regulate

your own emotions because.

When we get caught up in

our own emotions, it's very

hard for us to see clearly.

Right?

And so, you know, we go

into a stress response.

We get really tunnel vision.

We can catastrophize, we

can focus in on one thing.

And that's generally what

happens when we're stressed.

And so.

All of our focus and attention

goes onto the one thing

and we're we are creating

bigger emotions, right?

Harder emotions.

Stronger emotions,

heavy emotions, right?

And so it's very hard

to be clear, to be

productive, you know, have

perspective from that place.

Know what the next

step is to do, right?

Because the emotions

have taken so much of our

energy and our head space.

The other part of emotional

intelligence is once you

can recognise your own

emotions and the source of

your emotions, then you can

recognise them in others.

And this is empathy.

So this is being able to

step into somebody else's

shoes and understand

from their perspective.

So if there's a situation

at work or in your business

or at home, rather than

just seeing things from your

point of view because your

emotions are so strong and

you're so irritated, you're

frustrated, you feel hard

done by whatever it is.

But having empathy has

being able to step into

somebody else's shoes

and say, oh, I can see

it from your perspective.

Right.

I can see what you're saying.

And this is really important

because then you'll respond

appropriately to your

emotions and to others,

particularly in the workplace.

So emotional intelligence

is your ability to notice,

understand, and manage

your emotions, your own

and other people's so you

can respond wisely instead

of reacting on autopilot.

Okay?

Instead of making rash

decisions, reacting

emotionally, withdrawing,

whatever your pattern

is, which creates

a harder workplace.

And creates a lot

more stress on you.

At the end of the day,

it's going to be taxing

for your nervous system.

If we can't regulate our

emotions, if our emotions

last one minute, two minutes,

something ticks us off and

it's gone after an hour.

Right?

That's, that's fine.

That's normal.

But it's when we feel like

that for the whole day, it's

when we feel like that for a

week, you may be coming into

your work or into a business

or in a relationship, and

you may be feeling those

emotions all the time.

And that's a problem, right?

So unable to regulate

your emotions is going

to be a problem for your

energy, for your nervous

system, for your, for your

mental wellbeing, right?

Your mental health.

And it's exhausting

at the end of the day.

The other soft power

is intuition, right?

This is not something

that is often spoken

about, but intuition is

that inner knowing, okay?

And it's really powerful.

Women have a really

strong intuition and it's

often ignored because

women choose the logical,

the rational, the.

The, you know, analytical

mind comes up with, you

know, the pros and cons and

what the solutions should

be, and we overthink things,

but actually our intuition

is much more accurate and

it leads to making better

decisions and quicker

decisions Under pressure.

We can spot red flags

that other people miss.

We know when to push forward

versus when to pause,

and we can sense what

people need emotionally.

So it's a really powerful.

Ability, innate ability to

understand when something's

off, to have a knowing

that comes from somewhere

that didn't come from

your analytical mind.

Because the way that I see

it, our analytical mind, we're

always kind of regurgitating

the same kind of ideas that

we had from a week ago or

a month ago, or a year ago,

or 10 years ago, right?

So our analytical mind

will only go to the

past what we've done.

And project it into the

future to see if that's

going to work right.

And so we're not getting some

fresh, new ideas there, but

our intuition, which is very

accurate, will give us new

ideas and ability to solve

our problems and to sense

when something's not right.

But we need to

value that, right?

We need to.

Value that more than

just our analytical mind.

And I think for a lot

of people, we are so

accustomed, again, to

relying on the analytical

mind, the rational response,

the right thing to do.

Okay?

And sometimes intuition can

be completely out of left

field, And so therefore, if

we are not used to following

that inner knowing, we may

not trust it and we may

do what we've always done

and get the same results.

Intuition also protects

you from overthinking.

So if you've ever been in

a stuck situation, which I

certainly have, where you

dunno what to do and you

overthink the scenario,

Friends will tell me, oh,

I do my pros and cons list,

you know, and that's great.

You know, that gives you

a rational mind, a bit

of, some perspective.

Okay.

But really your inner knowing

or your intuition is going

to come forward and give

you the right answers.

And when we're stuck in that

overthinking, it's because

one, we're not listening

to the intuition, or it

hasn't come forward yet.

Okay?

And so the power of

intuition is that we don't

get stuck in overthinking.

We don't get stuck in

analysis paralysis.

And it leads to more

authentic leadership.

And then we have empathy,

which I talked about being

able to understand what

someone else is experiencing,

being able to step into

their shoes, which is so

important as a leader.

And then we have

clarity under pressure.

So emotional intelligence

gives us clarity under

pressure, which means instead

of being caught up with.

All the noise and all the

chaos in our head and our

emotions, we are able to step

back and feel really clear and

we make better decisions from

that place, and we have access

to our natural resilience.

So as you can see, as

I'm talking through all

of this, this is really

powerful soft skills, right?

This is, these are

really powerful skills

or soft power that we

can bring into our roles.

It doesn't need to be the

hustle and the grind and

the, you Pushing yourself

and overthinking things and

working until you work it

out right We have access

to better tools that maybe

you may not be aware of

or you may not rely on.

Okay.

So that's something

that I see all the time.

Women, when I talk about

this stuff, they're like, oh

yeah, that makes total sense.

Right.

That makes so much sense.

And until you see it for

yourself, it's not something

that you are going to rely on.

You're still gonna go to

strategies that you feel

are more helpful to you.

But until you see it and

the power of it, and when

you do, then you will learn

to rely on it and you'll

learn to trust in that.

And you'll learn to wait

for intuition and you know

that inner knowingness

or to be able to regulate

your, like those things

will be important to you.

So like I said, I see women

now, you know, women who have.

Who are still ambitious, but

they wanna have success on

their terms, which means,

she wants to have it all,

but not at the cost of her

health, her happiness, her

peace, or her relationships.

And so there's a difference

between a high performer

and a high achiever.

So a high performer can push

through to have success in

all areas at the cost of their

own wellbeing and perhaps

even their relationships.

Whereas a high performer

wants all of those things.

But also the health

and the wellbeing and

the good relationships.

so really soft power is

the redefine a driver.

So the woman who has been

through the ambitious burnout

and is now like, you know,

I do want it all, but I,

I want it all of my terms.

I want both achievement

and I want wellbeing.

Right?

And so she's driven to build

a life that feels good and

looks good inside and out.

So what are the ways

that we can increase

emotional intelligence?

Right?

And you know, I look at

two very basic ways we look

at our physical health.

So how much we sleep.

You know, the power of

eight before 10, going to

bed by, 10:00 PM getting

eight hours of sleep.

Our brain processes our

emotions overnight, right?

We're not getting

that sleep time.

That's not happening.

We're gonna wake up and

we are gonna already

have a lot on our mind.

We just need a little bit

more in our mind to tip

us over the edge, right?

So we need that sleep.

We need to put good

food into our body.

You know, sugar and caffeine.

All these things would disrupt

the blood glucose levels.

We have insulin

receptors in the brain.

That's all gonna be

messed up in there, right?

And so we know that.

Food influences our

mental state, okay?

And sugar is one of

those foods if we

have too much of it.

We miss meals.

We have processed foods

that is gonna mess with

the chemistry in our

head, and we are not

going to feel that sense

of balance or resilience.

And we're gonna react, right?

We're gonna get highs and

lows and highs and lows.

And so the food that you

put into your body, the

habits that you keep,

are going to impact your

emotional intelligence

because if you are.

You know, your blood

sugar levels are low.

You didn't get enough

sleep the night before.

You are not going to

be able to understand

your own emotions, let

alone somebody else's.

Right?

You are not gonna be tapped

into your inner knowing.

Your body is just trying

to survive, right?

Your stress response is

on and you're just trying

to get through the day.

So we don't wanna

be in that state.

So that's one that's

a physical sense.

And then we've gotta

look at the mental and

emotional place, right?

So at the end of

the day, the more.

We get stuck in our minds.

The more noise that we

have in our head, the less

bandwidth that we have,

which means our ability

to regulate our emotions,

to have empathy, to access

to intuition is lowered.

Okay.

And a busy mind doesn't

equal a busy life.

Okay?

A busy mind is a busy.

Right.

And so this is something

that I try to help women

see because sometimes they

think it's, oh, you know,

I've gotta do this, I've

gotta respond to that email.

Then I've got this meeting,

and then I've gotta go pick

up my kids, and then I've

gotta go to the supermarket.

And then that's a

busy mind, right?

And that's a lot going on.

Whereas you will notice

days where you can get a lot

done without all the noise.

And some days the noise is

so high and actually you

don't get as much done.

With a lot more ease, right?

So we've gotta look at our

bandwidth, we've gotta look

at that mental clarity, which

is really important part of

having emotional intelligence

or having these soft skills.

Because if we don't have

space in there, it's gonna

be very hard for us to

have perspective, to be

rational, to be in touch

without, you know, knowing

and to be able to regulate

our emotions, right?

To not get caught

up in our emotions.

So I hope this was helpful.

I'd love to hear

your comments below.

Have you, are you someone

that's kind of done the

hustle and the grind and

you got to this place

and went, you know what?

I can have it all, but I'm

gonna have it all in my terms.

Like, have you

made that decision?

Because I do think it's a

decision and we don't see

that beforehand because we

don't value our personal

wellbeing until we hit

burnout or we get sick or

something goes wrong in our

relationships or our life.

Then.

We value it, unfortunately,

sometimes it takes

that happening.

So I'd love to know in the

comments is that you, are you

redefining success on your

terms and what are you doing

differently based on that?

Leave a comment

and let me know.