1 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,560 Hey, there and welcome to On Your Terms. 2 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,940 I'm your host, Sam Vander Wielen. 3 00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:17,780 I'm an attorney turned entrepreneur who helps online coaches and service providers 4 00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:19,520 legally protect and grow their online businesses. 5 00:00:20,450 --> 00:00:26,600 So, I am so excited this week to talk with you about some practical tips in reducing 6 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:30,470 your risk of business burnout because nobody wants to be burnt out. 7 00:00:30,470 --> 00:00:35,510 I notice that we tend to be so hot and cold, black and white, with things in online 8 00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:40,220 business where you go so hard, you try posting all the time, you try showing up all 9 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:44,360 the time. And then all of a sudden, you feel like you can't show up at all. 10 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,340 And it's so one or the other. 11 00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:51,380 Or maybe you're like me and you really feel like, sure, you have this extroverted side, 12 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:56,630 you can be outward, you can be friendly, and you also want to be like quiet and chill and 13 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,370 inward sometimes, right? 14 00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:00,890 Is that possible in online business? 15 00:01:00,890 --> 00:01:02,300 How do you balance these things? 16 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:04,760 How do you find this balance without getting burnt out? 17 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,580 That's what I talk about in today's episode. 18 00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:12,410 So, before we hop into the episode, I just want to read you the review of the week from 19 00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:15,650 CHF777 who said, "How is this information free? 20 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:20,210 Sam is a natural teacher and a brilliant role model for heart-centered entrepreneurs 21 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,770 looking to up their game. 22 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:25,970 I'm going to have to stop listening while cooking so I can take notes." I love it. 23 00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:29,390 Thank you so much for that review of my show On Your Terms. 24 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:33,890 If you want to be a review of the week, you just have to leave a review in Apple Podcasts 25 00:01:33,890 --> 00:01:37,640 of my show, and you'll be entered to win a $20 Starbucks gift card. 26 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,590 All you have to do is just leave a review on Apple. 27 00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:41,890 I pick a new winner every single month. 28 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:46,130 If you listen on Spotify, please do me a favor and just give me a quick rating. 29 00:01:46,130 --> 00:01:48,020 You might even get a shout out on a future episode. 30 00:01:49,220 --> 00:01:52,490 All right. With that, let's hop in to this week's episode. 31 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:59,770 So, I'm so excited to chat with you about this today because I feel like so often 32 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:04,390 people make assumptions about people in online business, especially when people get 33 00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:08,620 like a larger audience or they get further along and they're like, "Oh, they must be 34 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:12,580 able to be on video all the time because they love it, or they must be able to be on 35 00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:14,110 all the time because they're an extrovert. 36 00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:19,660 But I'm an introvert and so like I am so different than them." And that was something that I definitely 37 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:23,080 thought when I was building my business and I was like, is it just me? 38 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,520 Am I the only person that can't be like on all the time? 39 00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:30,070 Am I the only person who doesn't want to be attached to my phone? 40 00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:35,590 Or am I the only person that sometimes after like going to a big event, needs like a lone 41 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,950 time or even frankly, just hanging out with one or two other people? 42 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:45,910 I just have this balance within me that's both extroverted and introverted. 43 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:51,130 And I used to make the assumption, like I see other people make the assumption now about 44 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:55,930 me, that if somebody is really like extra in their business and they're out there and 45 00:02:55,930 --> 00:02:58,990 they're hustling, that they're like super extroverted and that they can only do it 46 00:02:58,990 --> 00:03:00,340 because of that. 47 00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:06,270 When maybe they are, maybe that's true, but maybe also they're not, right. 48 00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,800 They're more like me and they have both of these sides. 49 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,180 And maybe you are, too. 50 00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:14,620 And this episode was actually inspired by me talking about this one day on Instagram 51 00:03:14,620 --> 00:03:18,010 stories. And then a bunch of people reached out and were like, "That's how I feel too." 52 00:03:18,010 --> 00:03:23,860 Like, I feel like, yeah, sure, I'm friendly and I like talking to people and I can slide 53 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:29,320 right into, throw me into any dinner party or any gathering, I'm super comfortable. 54 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:34,660 And then after I leave there, I need downtime, alone time, quiet time, or just to 55 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:37,000 unplug. I need both, right. 56 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,320 And so maybe you're like that too. 57 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,430 I'd be so curious if you let me know after you're listening to this episode. 58 00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:48,160 But it's not just about the assumptions that we make and what effect that has on our 59 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,850 mindset in terms of assuming that other people can achieve things because they're 60 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,740 different than us or something like that. 61 00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:56,980 But it also is really important. 62 00:03:56,980 --> 00:04:01,090 And the reason I want to have this conversation today is that if you don't 63 00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:07,840 balance this introvert and extrovert part of yourself, you'll get seriously burnt out. 64 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:14,560 Because if your natural tendency, if your equilibrium is both this outward, like sure, 65 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:19,630 I can hang and also, I need to be by myself and you only do one or the other, then you're 66 00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:20,890 going to be out of balance, right? 67 00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:22,540 And I feel like I learned this along the way. 68 00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:27,790 I'm learning this now and I've put things in place in my own business and just like kind 69 00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:30,780 of figured out how to navigate this, being both an introvert and extrovert. 70 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:35,050 So, I want to just have a little coffee talk today and talk about this. 71 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:40,180 So apparently this is officially called being an ambivert, which I did not know. 72 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:45,340 I just always said I'm introvert and extrovert, but it's called being an ambivert. 73 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:52,810 And one of the things that I think is really important is just to identify this in 74 00:04:52,810 --> 00:04:58,030 yourself and say, yeah, like I do enjoy being around other people and I enjoy being 75 00:04:58,030 --> 00:04:59,980 alone and there's nothing wrong with either. 76 00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:03,460 There's also nothing wrong if you're mostly one or the other, right. 77 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:09,340 There's nothing wrong with it. But I think a part of this for me was just starting to get to know myself to the point 78 00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:15,580 where I was like, yeah, after I go to conferences, I need to have a week of what I 79 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,690 call it cave writing. 80 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,690 I'll do more copywriting and internal stuff. 81 00:05:19,690 --> 00:05:21,130 I don't want a ton of meetings on my calendar. 82 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,470 I don't want to do a lot of live stuff or whatever. 83 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:29,320 It's like I've learned now, okay, I have these parts of myself, so I know ahead of 84 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,180 time that I've got to balance it. 85 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:36,100 I think especially with when this episode is going to air, we're going to be talking a lot 86 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:41,110 about planning for the year and looking forward and seeing what you're doing for next 87 00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:43,840 year, but also reflecting back on what you did this year. 88 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:49,060 I think that this introvert extrovert thing is part of the conversation because as part 89 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:52,000 of that, you have to do a little bit of an energy assessment. 90 00:05:52,270 --> 00:05:57,910 So, I think it's important, just like it's important to kind of accept and identify that 91 00:05:57,910 --> 00:06:01,510 you have both of these parts, and both of these parts are completely valid and need 92 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:07,810 nourishment. It's also really important to say maybe what fills you up, for example, and 93 00:06:07,810 --> 00:06:11,530 what gives you energy is not the same thing as what gives me energy and vice versa. 94 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:17,020 Maybe what takes energy away from you is not the same thing as for me, and that's 95 00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,430 completely okay as well. 96 00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:22,000 But what's really important is that you get clear and do a little bit of an energy 97 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:27,580 assessment when you look at different areas of your business, tasks of your business, the 98 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:31,030 kind of have to's, the things that you have to do as a business owner. 99 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,020 What are those things that are just draining the life out of you? 100 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:40,360 What are those things that make you feel like you're filling yourself back up, right? 101 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:46,000 So, like for me, for example, doing these podcasts and recording these episodes, I feel 102 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,560 so excited to do them. 103 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,980 They fill me up, they fill me with energy, they make me feel really good. 104 00:06:50,980 --> 00:06:52,390 At the very least, they don't feel like a drain. 105 00:06:53,470 --> 00:06:54,910 You know that stuff does not feel like a drain. 106 00:06:56,540 --> 00:07:00,140 I'm trying to think actually of what does feel like a drain for me on the business. 107 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:06,860 I mean, probably for me, the mental load of like kind of, as a business owner, we walk 108 00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:11,480 around, we think about our businesses all the time and my business is like my baby. 109 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,440 And so, it is the thing that's always in the back of my mind, like, did it eat, did it 110 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,790 sleep? Does it need to be fed? 111 00:07:16,790 --> 00:07:17,870 Does it need to go potty? 112 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,860 Like that's always in the back of my mind for my business. 113 00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:24,800 So that's probably what "drains" me the most. 114 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,420 It was like that mental load or that worry, that constant thinking about it, not being 115 00:07:29,420 --> 00:07:30,800 able to shut it off. 116 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:36,920 And that was something when I was doing my energy assessment that not only when I got to 117 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:43,610 the point that I could swing hiring people and especially hiring full-time employees, 118 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:45,170 that was really important to me. 119 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:50,810 But once you actually get employees in the door, you don't just say like best of luck, 120 00:07:50,810 --> 00:07:52,130 let me know how things are going. 121 00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:54,200 There's going to be a lot of interaction with them. 122 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,730 There are a lot of training and working, collaboration together, right? 123 00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:05,120 And I've noticed, like for me, I have to be really clear with them and I have to 124 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:10,340 communicate with them that, "Hey, these things are what it's like stressing me out. 125 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:15,230 It would be so helpful to me if somebody could take this." Or if there's one task or 126 00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:18,650 something that I am responsible for but there's one little nugget in there that is 127 00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:22,580 getting kind of in my way, and that's making that task a little more difficult, I can 128 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:26,240 communicate to the team, say, "Hey, is there any way that we could have somebody on the 129 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:31,100 team take care of this so that when I go to record podcast episodes, this stuff is all 130 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:34,010 ready?" Or something like that, something that does make it easier. 131 00:08:34,010 --> 00:08:37,520 Now, of course, that's what I do now, right, when I have people. 132 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:42,650 When I didn't have people, it was more like having a plan as to where things were headed. 133 00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:48,080 So, a couple of years ago this would have looked more like, okay, these tasks drain 134 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,630 me. I know I don't want to do them forever. 135 00:08:50,660 --> 00:08:58,790 How can I start to delegate them and offload them to someone else, whether that's now, six 136 00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:01,220 months from now, a year from now, right. 137 00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,770 So, you can at least start to put it into place. 138 00:09:04,430 --> 00:09:10,340 I think even just identifying that those are things that drain you is half of the battle. 139 00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:15,170 And then we can work on starting to offload those when that becomes available to you. 140 00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:19,160 I also like to see what doesn't even feel like work to you. 141 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,630 What do you look forward to doing? 142 00:09:20,630 --> 00:09:24,830 Like I always tell Lindsey, my operations manager, I get so excited when she tells me 143 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:26,690 that it's a week of recording podcast episodes. 144 00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,640 I really look forward to it. 145 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,720 I get really excited when I have time to just write, when I'm going to rewriting you, 146 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:37,190 all the emails that I write you twice a week, when I'm writing like captions or 147 00:09:37,190 --> 00:09:41,450 something, when I'm working on my book proposal, any kind of writing that just I 148 00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,710 look forward to it. 149 00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:48,680 And again, then I know, okay, I'm going to schedule those things into my calendar when 150 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:52,280 I'm going to go through something that I know is also a little bit more energy 151 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,600 draining, right? 152 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,620 So it would be interesting for you after you do this energy assessment to look at your 153 00:09:57,620 --> 00:10:02,060 calendar, especially as you're planning out 2023, hopefully. 154 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:08,870 Does your calendar reflect the kind of energy assessment that you've now identified 155 00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,360 for yourself? 156 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,700 Or when you look at your calendar, for example, is it full of a whole bunch of stuff 157 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,170 that just drains your energy? 158 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:20,870 Now, there's this like whole other part of me as we have this conversation that always 159 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:28,040 feels silly having this conversation without contextualizing it, without mentioning things 160 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:32,630 like privilege, right? Because I'm like, boy, what a privileged life and what a 161 00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:36,770 privilege business to be able to sit here and be like that drains my energy and like, I 162 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,030 don't want to do it, right. 163 00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:43,960 So, at the same time as I'm saying this, it also feels very unrealistic to me. 164 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:48,860 And I'm just being honest about that kind of like that kind of internal struggle that I 165 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:50,390 have when it comes to this. 166 00:10:50,390 --> 00:10:56,420 I also am a big believer in not like or at least I feel like right now I'm really 167 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:02,450 working on finding the curves and the edges and things, not being so harsh, black and 168 00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:03,950 white on everything, right? 169 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:09,710 And so maybe it's not a matter of like a privileged position versus the super woo 170 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:14,000 position of manifest your dream day and your dream calendar. 171 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,560 Maybe there's something in the middle, like stuff has to get done. 172 00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,490 Trust me, I have a lot to get done. 173 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,480 There's a lot of "have to do" in terms of running my business. 174 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:28,490 And then, yes, there are also places where I have some input and some flexibility, and I 175 00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:33,080 can play with it. So, I don't think it has to be so extreme, but I just wanted to mention that because 176 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:39,050 whenever I hear these conversations, I'm a little like not everybody gets toto do this, 177 00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:44,420 right. And I also am very honest about the fact that when I was building my business in 178 00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:47,120 the beginning, well, first of all, I didn't know what the heck I was doing. 179 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,580 I was just like everyday hustling and trying to build the business. 180 00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,380 And I didn't have a whole lot of intention. 181 00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:55,970 So please, like, release that from you that you're supposed to have this all perfectly 182 00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:57,260 worked out right now. 183 00:11:57,260 --> 00:12:02,390 But in the beginning, for the first several years of the business, it was much more 184 00:12:02,390 --> 00:12:09,110 imbalanced in terms of probably I was doing many, many more tasks that "drained" me 185 00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:14,210 because you have to do everything in the beginning for probably a while. 186 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:18,800 I just think it's nice to start identifying this and move in that direction eventually. 187 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,110 And that's kind of the goal hopefully with the business. 188 00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:24,440 That's really how you're going to be able to accelerate or how you're going to be able to 189 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:25,970 scale if you want to scale. 190 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:32,760 So, I would also encourage you to think about whether or not you're being intentional about 191 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,610 truly closing out of everything during downtimes. 192 00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:42,960 So, one of the things that I see often in business burnout with people is that they 193 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:47,880 will take time off, but then during the time off, they're still on essentially. 194 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:51,300 And the kinds of businesses that we have, that's just so easy. 195 00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:55,260 Like you think you're on social media, you think you're just posting stuff for fun, then 196 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:58,860 you see a DM from something, then that leads you to your email, which leads you to your 197 00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,860 Facebook group. Like it's just a very slippery slope. 198 00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:06,870 And the line between being like a personal brand and a business brand are very, very 199 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,540 blurry. And I just think it's very easy. 200 00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:14,970 So, like I've noticed a lot, especially over the past year and especially when my dad was 201 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:19,710 sick and after my dad passed away this summer, during my couch time, when I would be 202 00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:24,120 at night or go to take a break or something and I would just be kind of vegging out or 203 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:28,380 thinking I was vegging out, I was sitting there on my phone like doomscrolling. 204 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:34,350 And maybe my intention was originally to watch like food videos and stuff like that, 205 00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,210 what I would typically want to watch on Instagram. 206 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:43,050 But while I'm doing that, I automatically come across competitor stuff or people 207 00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:48,000 copying me or people DMing me to tell me that people are copying me or people DMing me 208 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,860 legal questions or whatever. 209 00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:52,080 And it's just one thing would lead to another. 210 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:56,370 And there I go down some spiral thinking like, I'm never going to be anything, my 211 00:13:56,370 --> 00:13:58,680 business doesn't matter, and all that kind of stuff. 212 00:13:58,770 --> 00:14:00,840 Like, no wonder I didn't feel recharged, right. 213 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,830 I wasn't actually being intentional about closing out during my downtime. 214 00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:07,590 I wasn't going down during downtime. 215 00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:14,070 The other thing that you can do is you're going into 2023 especially, is that you can 216 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:20,280 plan for rest periods before, during, and after times of push. 217 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:24,150 So, I talk a lot about like push times, like go, go, go times. 218 00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:28,110 And I don't believe in making these high peaks and valleys in your business. 219 00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:31,460 I kind of like them more as like hills and valleys. 220 00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:36,750 And so, I'm not saying when I say rest, I'm not saying like you're off. 221 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,840 Unless if you can do that, that's awesome. 222 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:46,770 But if you're like me and you still need to do something in your business and you need an 223 00:14:46,770 --> 00:14:52,830 income, then what I at least do is like before a promo and like after a promo, I 224 00:14:52,830 --> 00:14:56,580 usually give myself a little bit of buffer where I'm not doing some of those tasks that 225 00:14:56,580 --> 00:14:59,190 are the more draining ones that I was talking about for me. 226 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:03,780 So maybe I'm not doing tons of interviews, tons of reels, tons of outward stuff. 227 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:08,540 Maybe I'm just writing in my little cave and I'm doing that kind of stuff. 228 00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:12,150 Or maybe I batch enough ahead of time so that I give myself some downtime. 229 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:19,320 You have to give yourself grace that every season is not going to be a go, go, go one. 230 00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:26,460 And so, if you go into every corner, every promo, every whatever is thinking like you're 231 00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:29,730 going to operate at the same level. 232 00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:32,970 I just don't think that's realistic and you're kind of setting yourself up for 233 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:37,560 failure. I feel like that would be like going to the gym seven days straight and 234 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:43,200 expecting your performance to be at peak or even get better for every single day. 235 00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:47,370 Like you need downtime, you need rest, you need to do other workouts, you've got to mix 236 00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:51,870 it up, you got to unplug, you've got to rehabilitate, you've got to ice, heat, all 237 00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:54,330 the things. It's the same thing with your business, right? 238 00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:57,870 We can't be go, go, go at our peak. 239 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:03,300 So, that's why instead of you pushing really hard for four months and then burning 240 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:07,560 yourself out so badly that you have to take six months off, why don't we just not make 241 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,750 the highs as high and the lows as low? 242 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:14,850 I think this every single time that I see somebody announce their break from social 243 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:17,160 media. I see this all the time on Instagram. 244 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:23,490 People are like announcement, I am leaving Instagram for good or for six months or they 245 00:16:23,490 --> 00:16:24,900 come up with something, right? 246 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,640 Totally fine, if that's what you want to do. 247 00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:32,580 But you know what I see as a pattern very often, people announce these big break ups 248 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:37,950 with social media and then they come back usually very quickly or at the very least, 249 00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:42,270 much sooner than what they said, that the amount of time, if they gave one. 250 00:16:42,930 --> 00:16:47,280 I always think to myself that, well, first of all, like the power of the addiction of 251 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,770 social media is real. 252 00:16:48,780 --> 00:16:50,160 I'm addicted to social media. 253 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:54,090 I'm not casting any judgment because I'm right there. 254 00:16:54,810 --> 00:16:56,670 I'm so addicted to it that I can't leave, right? 255 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,790 I mean I can, but I'm choosing not to. 256 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:07,530 And what I always think, though, is that it's like always serves as a reminder to me that I 257 00:17:07,530 --> 00:17:09,850 don't want to spend so much time there. 258 00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:13,950 It gets so burnt out there that I have to leave for six months or that I have to 259 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,590 announce that I'm taking a month off or something like that. 260 00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:21,090 So, if I don't go as high, then my lows don't have to be as low, right? 261 00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:23,400 It's a little bit more of like this balanced in between. 262 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,990 I don't need to be there constantly. 263 00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:26,310 I don't need to share everything. 264 00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:32,390 I don't need to teach everything that I know, as I talked about in a previous 265 00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:34,280 episode, I'll link that down below. 266 00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:40,550 But I think just working on this balance and this is part of this like introvert extrovert 267 00:17:40,550 --> 00:17:43,700 thing because like social media, for example, is very extroverted. 268 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,070 It's a lot. 269 00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:47,960 It takes energy from you in a different way. 270 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,290 And then to get like that amount of feedback and everything takes energy from you in a 271 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,520 very unique way. 272 00:17:52,850 --> 00:17:58,310 So, I think this is a very good place where that that kind of balance is super important. 273 00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:02,590 We can't always lean in to rest, I understand that. 274 00:18:02,590 --> 00:18:07,930 And we wouldn't have a very good business if we always lean into rest. 275 00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:12,010 So, I understand we have to balance it but that's also why I believe in not going so 276 00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,260 hard, then you have to take off for so long. 277 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:21,070 I also think that one way that you can kind of manage your energy in this department is 278 00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:28,000 to hold on to pieces of your life, hobbies, maybe your family, I don't know, some part of 279 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,020 your life, some part of your day to day, just for yourself, right? 280 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:37,510 Maybe it's something that your Instagram followers, your whoever followers wouldn't 281 00:18:37,510 --> 00:18:40,930 even know that that's something you're into because you don't really talk about it. 282 00:18:41,110 --> 00:18:46,480 I do think it's helpful from a personal standpoint to share one or two of those 283 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,340 things, maybe one hobby. 284 00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:52,450 Like this summer I started playing tennis and started from scratch and I kind of shared 285 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,910 that along the way. Did I share every single moment? 286 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,550 No. I took two lessons a week. 287 00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,980 I probably shared once a week. 288 00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:01,870 I was playing multiple other times a week. 289 00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:05,680 I think I would work it into stories like once a week or something like that. 290 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,340 But there are also things I do in my day-to -day life that I just don't share at all. 291 00:19:09,340 --> 00:19:11,770 I also think it's kind of cool. 292 00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:17,650 Like somebody encouraged me one time to like, go get a hobby and not to share it. 293 00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:19,690 Like, go and don't take a picture of it. 294 00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:20,800 Don't take a video of it. 295 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:21,970 Don't even have your phone. 296 00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:24,130 Go take a pottery class, don't share it. 297 00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,170 Go to dinner, don't take a picture of it. 298 00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:31,090 So, holding on to these pieces of our life, first of all, can start to build in some of 299 00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:32,830 this balance to our day-to-day. 300 00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:38,920 It also gets us out of the habit of sharing every single thing that we do every single 301 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,960 day, which we don't need to do to be successful. 302 00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:48,040 And it can just allow us to start getting comfortable and a little bit more used to 303 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,200 just leaving the devices behind and whatever. 304 00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:54,430 Like I, for example, whenever I walk, I don't bring my phone. 305 00:19:54,910 --> 00:20:02,380 And so, just like I look forward to this time every day that I know I just can't be 306 00:20:02,380 --> 00:20:03,790 reached, and I like it. 307 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,130 Obviously, I know that that's not available to everyone. 308 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:08,650 When my dad was sick, I couldn't go without my phone. 309 00:20:09,070 --> 00:20:10,450 I understand if you have little ones. 310 00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:14,650 There are many different scenarios in which you can't always do that but just take that 311 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:18,430 advice and you can apply it to somewhere else in your life. 312 00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:21,670 Maybe it's just putting your phone on airplane mode for a little while, while you 313 00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:23,200 do some work or something like that. 314 00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:31,210 Now, this year, I at the beginning of 2022, I declared my health a big priority and I was 315 00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:33,010 like, this is the year of wellness. 316 00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:37,000 And I came up with this whole vision of what that meant to me. 317 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,230 And it wasn't weight loss, but it wasn't this and it wasn't that, but it was this and 318 00:20:41,230 --> 00:20:45,250 it was that. And I started treating myself more like an athlete. 319 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,170 I have an athlete background. 320 00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:51,580 I played volleyball. That was like my entire life up until law school. 321 00:20:51,580 --> 00:20:57,040 And so I'm very used to that concept that being an athlete is 24/7. 322 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,930 It's not just the time that you spend on the court. 323 00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:02,530 It was everything that I did outside of that led to it, too. 324 00:21:02,530 --> 00:21:06,790 And as you can imagine, I took volleyball very, very seriously and I took my body and 325 00:21:06,790 --> 00:21:09,070 everything around it very seriously. 326 00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:10,930 And so, I'm used to it. 327 00:21:10,930 --> 00:21:15,880 And now I'm a little older, a little wiser to know I don't have to go so, so crazy. 328 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,910 But this year, I mean, I started with the basics. 329 00:21:19,690 --> 00:21:21,610 I started properly hydrating. 330 00:21:21,610 --> 00:21:24,700 I started eating enough because, like, I wasn't eating regularly. 331 00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:27,040 I'm not hungry when I first wake up. 332 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,490 So, a lot of times I would just like skip breakfast and then I'd be ravenously hungry, 333 00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:31,870 but like 11, 12. 334 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,390 So I started doing that. 335 00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:36,790 I started balancing my meals more. 336 00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:41,170 I'm not going to get into specifics because I don't even want to open that can of worms. 337 00:21:41,170 --> 00:21:42,820 But don't worry, I worked with professionals. 338 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:49,000 I followed all these things, but I wanted to have more balanced meals. 339 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,070 I even, like, tracked my blood sugar for a while. 340 00:21:51,460 --> 00:21:53,320 I wore a CGM that was pretty cool. 341 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,920 So, I did all this stuff to treat myself more like an athlete this year. 342 00:21:57,940 --> 00:22:02,680 I've been in therapy for a long time because my dad was sick for a long time. 343 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:09,130 But I also committed to weekly therapy to process business issues, instead of 344 00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:14,740 processing them in real time on social media or even with friends in the industry. 345 00:22:14,740 --> 00:22:18,790 So, I think there can be this tendency when we start an online business, hopefully you 346 00:22:18,790 --> 00:22:23,320 meet a few people who have businesses that are similar to yours and sometimes we can 347 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,180 just get in the habit of sharing with them. 348 00:22:25,180 --> 00:22:28,600 And I have a handful of very close friends who I'll still do this with. 349 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,920 But before, it was just a little too -- it was like townhall. 350 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,210 It was too much. 351 00:22:34,210 --> 00:22:39,280 Now, if something happens in the business, if I'm like really pissed this person keeps 352 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:44,380 copying me or this person keeps mimicking me like everything I do, or I have some fear 353 00:22:44,410 --> 00:22:48,010 coming up or some scarcity thing, I talk to my therapist about it. 354 00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:53,230 I think having your therapist to not only work through childhood issues and childhood 355 00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:58,710 trauma and anything else that's coming up day-to-day, but I think talking to them about 356 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:03,090 business issues has been really helpful for me because this person's removed from the 357 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:04,170 online business space. 358 00:23:04,170 --> 00:23:10,290 So, they kind of like they're not you know, they don't have like the shiny syndrome of 359 00:23:10,290 --> 00:23:14,190 like, oh, you can grow this business to be the 8 billion figures and all these things. 360 00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:16,810 They're much more down to earth about it. 361 00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:20,580 I also talked to Jen, my mindset coach, Jen Diaz, who I've had on the podcast before. 362 00:23:20,580 --> 00:23:22,170 I'll link her episode below. 363 00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:23,310 Jen's amazing. 364 00:23:23,310 --> 00:23:25,520 And Jen is a mindset and success expert. 365 00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:29,070 She's incredible and I talk through stuff with her all the time. 366 00:23:29,220 --> 00:23:35,670 So, having a sounding board that's outside of, I think like a friend or family member, 367 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,340 if that's available to you, that's very helpful. 368 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:44,760 I also think that something that's been very helpful to me this year has been protecting 369 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,380 my morning. So, for me, mornings are important. 370 00:23:46,710 --> 00:23:49,180 Maybe for you, it's nighttime or some other time. 371 00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:52,370 And maybe given your life circumstances, mornings don't work for you. 372 00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:55,160 I don't believe in the six-hour morning routine. 373 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:56,850 I don't think it's realistic for most people. 374 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,070 So, I think kind of like a workout thing. 375 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:02,760 It's like then people don't stick to it because they think that it has to be like a 376 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,260 12-step morning routine. 377 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:09,660 But I know that for me, at least, like I even when I was by myself and I didn't have anyone 378 00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:12,040 working for me, I protected my mornings. 379 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:17,460 Like I didn't schedule meetings before 10:00 AM and then unless I really had to. 380 00:24:17,610 --> 00:24:21,840 But I try to protect my mornings because I knew like I had to protect my own energy. 381 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,820 I had to do what I needed to do. 382 00:24:23,820 --> 00:24:26,970 And that helped me to not build resentment in my own business. 383 00:24:26,970 --> 00:24:30,630 I didn't resent the people I had meetings with or anything like that. 384 00:24:31,290 --> 00:24:34,770 And you want to have a failsafe plan, right? 385 00:24:34,770 --> 00:24:39,030 So, if you feel yourself drifting too far one way or the other. 386 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:43,920 So, if you feel yourself drifting too far to like I'm heading towards burnout because I'm 387 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:47,880 doing all this extroverted stuff, I don't have enough introverted stuff built into my 388 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,430 schedule. I'm not protecting my time or my energy. 389 00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,880 I'm doing too many draining tasks and all that kind of stuff. 390 00:24:53,940 --> 00:25:00,780 What is a shortlist of some things that you can do or have on deck to self-correct? 391 00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:06,990 So, one thing that I will do is like I will usually look through my calendar and I will 392 00:25:06,990 --> 00:25:11,370 prune, so I will cut things that I really can't do right now. 393 00:25:11,370 --> 00:25:14,730 And if there are things that I can just reschedule for a little bit later or I can 394 00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:19,590 spread them out more, it's something that I can also just get better at as I'm scheduling 395 00:25:19,590 --> 00:25:24,240 things. I don't schedule like multiple outward events on one day, I just started to 396 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,330 get better with pacing myself and spreading things out. 397 00:25:27,450 --> 00:25:32,160 So, I'd encourage you to have a little bit of a failsafe plan, a list of things that you 398 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:36,420 can do if you realize you're drifting too far one way or the other. 399 00:25:36,420 --> 00:25:37,530 How can you self-correct? 400 00:25:37,530 --> 00:25:41,100 How can you come back to your balance, whatever your equilibrium is? 401 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:46,040 And I would say like continuing to work on whatever is coming up for you. 402 00:25:46,550 --> 00:25:51,050 If you feel like you've got to be on social all the time, you've got to be present all 403 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,710 the time, is it people pleasing that's coming up for you? 404 00:25:54,710 --> 00:25:56,300 Is it a scarcity thing? 405 00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:57,680 Is it like some abandonment thing? 406 00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:58,700 It need to be liked. 407 00:25:58,700 --> 00:25:59,840 I need to be helpful. 408 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,490 That's like one that's really big for me. 409 00:26:01,490 --> 00:26:03,500 I constantly feel like I have to be helpful . 410 00:26:03,540 --> 00:26:05,630 And if I'm not being helpful, then I'm not valuable. 411 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,050 If I'm not valuable, then people will leave, right? 412 00:26:08,570 --> 00:26:13,160 And so, I think it's really important to kind of get to the root of why do you feel like 413 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,130 you always need to be on or why do you feel like you always have to be on social? 414 00:26:16,130 --> 00:26:20,000 If that's the thing that's kind of getting in your way and keeping you drained, keeping 415 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,100 you feel like you're going towards burnout, right? 416 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:29,210 So, I would encourage you to work with whoever you can or to continue to learn and 417 00:26:29,210 --> 00:26:32,810 expand in this area about what's coming up for you. 418 00:26:33,590 --> 00:26:36,140 Well, this has been fun to talk through with you. 419 00:26:36,290 --> 00:26:37,700 I hope that you liked it. 420 00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:42,200 If you did like this episode, please send me a DM on Instagram, @SamVanderWielen. 421 00:26:42,470 --> 00:26:45,290 I hope that you've already left a review for the show. 422 00:26:45,290 --> 00:26:47,750 If you listen on an Apple, please leave a quick review. 423 00:26:47,750 --> 00:26:50,000 If you listen on Spotify, please leave a quick rating. 424 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:54,650 It is so helpful to us in keeping this podcast free and available to online 425 00:26:54,650 --> 00:26:59,720 entrepreneurs. I so appreciate you being here, and I can't wait to chat with you next 426 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:06,730 week. See you then. Thanks so much for listening to the On Your Terms podcast. 427 00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:10,640 Make sure to follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you like to listen to 428 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:15,590 podcast. You can also check out all of our podcast episodes, show notes, links and more 429 00:27:15,590 --> 00:27:18,400 at Samvanderwielen.com/podcast. 430 00:27:18,410 --> 00:27:21,980 You can learn more about legally protecting your business and take my free legal 431 00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:26,180 workshop, Five Steps to Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business at SamVanderwielen 432 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:31,670 .com. And to stay connected and follow along, follow me on Instagram, @SamVanderWielen and 433 00:27:31,670 --> 00:27:33,020 send me a DM to say hi.