Island Boy J Music hello, friends.

Welcome to Activate, a podcast consisting of purposeful conversations aimed at encouraging listeners to embrace both the beauty and chaos of life.

I'm KB and I can't wait to share valuable insights on health, fitness, nutrition, aging, faith, family, and everything in between to help you level up and activate your life.

I'm a former network marketing hater turned top leader in my industry.

I'm a certified life and nutrition coach, helping women to break the same chains that once kept me stuck.

I'm so happy you're here.

Let's do this.

Hello, friends.

Happy Monday.

How are we?

I hope that you're great.

It is a gorgeous day here in Virginia and I'm having a very productive day.

And I like to say that being productive is my love language to myself.

I love nothing more than a productive day.

So I'm feeling good.

Yesterday I did not have a productive day, which makes today even sweeter because I am just.

I am just checking things off my list and feeling really, really, really good about where I'm at.

So it's also Tuesday, by the way, and my deadline for Activate is Wednesday, so look at me ahead of schedule.

We're going to do something a little different today.

A lot of the episodes have been me sort of teaching and preaching lately, and today I want to take a little departure from that and we're going to do a Q and A.

So I posted a couple of times on Instagram asking my followers for some.

Some questions that they would like me to answer.

So these questions, I'm just going to dive right in.

They're in no particular order.

We'll jump around from subject to subject, but there's some fun ones in here.

So we're going to start with an interesting one and it was who had the most profound impact on your life?

And I actually didn't have to think about this very long.

And it's Jonathan.

And the reason being he gave me the safety and security to finally learn about me and become who I am.

Before that, it was fight or flight survival mode for almost my entire.

Well, for.

For sure, for my entire adult life.

He just finally gave me the peace in my life that I needed to be able to just really take a look at myself and ask myself, what do I love and who do I want to be and who do I want to become and how do I want to spend my time?

I didn't have that luxury before I met Jonathan.

So by far, he has had the most profound impact on my life.

He even makes.

He just makes me want to be a better person because of the person that he is.

He wants me.

He wants.

He makes me want to be a better businesswoman, a better wife, a better mom, a better Christian.

He's just.

He's just.

Again, it's all about him giving me the safety and security to let my guard down and really ask myself those questions about who I wanted to be.

So thank God for jb.

Next question was, how did you meet?

Jonathan and I have discussed this on the podcast before, years and years ago, and I'll try to give the the shorter version because it can become a long story when I try to tell it all, but I.

Gosh, I moved to Virginia in 2010 for a bad boyfriend.

It's just such proof that God can use even our sin to get us into his will and for our good.

Because it was a sinful relationship.

There was nothing godly about that relationship.

Just everything about it was bad.

But it was my escape from Iowa, and I was not able to live a life in Iowa because my ex husband wouldn't let me move on.

So it felt like a way out.

And I took the first opportunity I had to get out.

And that relationship imploded.

As anyone you know that wasn't blind could see that it would.

I don't regret it because it got me to where I am today.

God absolutely used it to put me in the path of Jonathan.

And I believe that with all of my heart.

I was out one night with a friend.

She had flown in to visit me, and we went to a bar because that's what I did.

We were out drinking.

This man followed us from one bar to the next.

In those days, it was not out of the realm of possibility that there would be some creeper following me around a bar.

He would turn out to be a wonderful person.

But I was just like, rolling my eyes, like, oh, gosh, this dude's following us.

He sat down at our booth, bought us a drink and started asking questions and finally just said, I would love for you to meet my friend about a job.

He said, I think we can help you.

And I was out here, a thousand miles away from everyone I know, without help with my kids, and I was not working and I needed to be.

So he arranged for me to meet his buddy one night.

Sounds kind of sinister because we again met at a bar and I was very nervous.

I kind of had this feeling it wasn't all about a job, but I don't even know what I thought.

I just thought, okay, well, why not?

So I went to this bar.

And there was this guy in khaki pants and a white polo short sleeve polo shirt with big biceps.

And he was just kind of leaning up against the bar, could clearly tell he had a lot of confidence.

And Tony, who I had met previously, introduced me to his buddy Jonathan.

And we, I don't, we just talked that night, hung out.

They, they got me a cab home.

Very respectful.

And the next day he asked if I would meet him for lunch for like a proper job interview, quote, unquote.

So I'm hungover, kind of miserable.

Drove to this restaurant, met him for lunch.

He gets out a legal pad, a yellow legal pad, and he starts asking me questions.

And one of the very first questions was what are your hobbies and interests?

And in my foggy hungover brain, I am, I am, I am trying to think so hard of something.

I can tell this man is my hobby.

And I finally just like side this very big sigh and said, look, I got married when I was 20.

I was divorced with two babies by the time I was 23 years old.

I am now 28 and I am treading water.

I don't have hobbies, I don't have interests.

I'm just trying to survive.

And I will never forget him just like sliding the legal pad off the table into the booth beside him.

And he didn't ask me any more questions that day at that lunch.

We, we ate our lunch and went our separate ways.

And he did through, through the evening before.

And then that lunch he got an idea of kind of where my life was and, and where I was struggling.

And he ended up, so this was, I want to say, the beginning of May.

And he ended up writing me a letter, a long handwritten letter that I, I still have it.

I was actually going to go home for Memorial Day weekend.

I was going to take my babies to Iowa for Memorial Day weekend because they had a day off of school.

And that's how desperate I was to get away from this life I was living.

We had a three day weekend and we're going to go a thousand miles away to Iowa.

That felt better.

So before we left, I ran and grabbed the mail and there was this letter.

I opened it up four pages long, kind of just saying, oh, he hates when I tell this story, but kind of just saying like, look, I don't know if you felt what I felt, but there's definitely something here.

I know you're in a situation you don't know how to get out of, but I can help you out and just basically, if you ever need help, if you ever need to escape, you know my number.

I'm here for you.

He also included, I had shared with him that I'd never been to an Iowa Hawkeye football game and that it was a dream, which is funny because one of the questions is, what.

What are my dreams?

And I still don't know.

But I had mentioned this to him, and he said in that letter that he had tried to get Iowa Hawkeye tickets for me and my boys, but that they weren't out yet.

The.

The tickets weren't out yet, so he included enough money to get myself and my boys tickets to an Iowa football game, because that was my dream.

And that is just the very tippy top, the beginning of Jonathan making my dreams come true in this life.

I went back to Iowa that weekend.

I.

I called him and I said, look, I.

I just had fought this huge custody battle to be able to move with my children to Virginia, and I had had to prove that they would have a stable life.

And I was so afraid to, like, uproot what I had, what I had portrayed as this stable life that I was giving them and.

And risk my ex husband trying to take them from me again, because it was the hardest, most devastating, most difficult, scariest thing I'd ever been through.

And so I just said, look, thank you.

And I.

I read your words, and I hear you, but I am not in a place where I can, like, make this move.

Well, the relationship I was in became increasingly volatile and physically abusive.

And there was a day where I knew I had to go and I.

I sent my boys to school that morning.

It was their very last day of school, of the year.

I packed up everything we owned and picked them up at the bus stop and told them we were going to have a very special fun celebration for the last day of school.

Took them to a hotel, and we got pizza and we swam.

And I reached out to Jonathan, and he showed up there that night.

Again, very respectful.

Played with my boys, you know, like, wrestled around with my kids.

Told me, again, I'm here if you need me.

The next day, look at this story.

It's like, long story long.

Sorry.

The next day, he invited us over for my kids to swim and said, I'll help you pack up your car and make a plan to get you home.

We went over there.

My kids swam.

There's always this funny story that I'll never forget, because Jonathan's home was just a little boy's dream.

It was so many toys and all the Nerf guns.

And all the video games and all the Legos and all the things any little boy could dream of.

And he was having Nerf war hours with my kids.

And I remember Stellen coming up to me and said, mom, how are we going to get rid of him?

We gotta stay here.

So he just wanted to have Jonathan's house and all the toys in his house, but get rid of Jonathan.

But he helped me make a plan to get home.

And he helped me to repack everything I owned in our car.

He even offered to get us plane tickets.

But I'm like, look, my whole life is in this car.

I have to drive.

And he put movies on his own iPad so that my kids would have movies to watch the next day as we drove 16 hours back to Iowa.

And he tried to ease my fears as I, you know, was trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do with my life.

I mean, I was kind of going back with my tail between my legs after I'd, you know, sold this story of this life that I was going to be giving my children.

And they had to go with their dad for the summer.

And Jonathan actually overnighted me an iPhone.

I didn't even have a phone because my ex paid for it.

He overnighted me a phone so that we could be in communication.

And he said, would you just go away with me?

And I honestly thought, I mean, if he murders me, at least I'm on an island somewhere.

That's where my life was at.

And so basically, I'd never so much as hugged this man.

He got me a plane ticket, said, meet me in D.C.

so I flew from Cedar Rapids to Chicago to D.C.

didn't even know where we were going.

I met him in the airport at Dulles.

We hugged.

We went and checked in to a flight from DC to LAX, then on to Kauai.

We spent 10 days there, fell in love, basically planned a wedding.

Neither of us wanted to go home, so we got off the plane in la on the way home.

Jonathan grew up in Malibu.

So he took me there, showed me around.

We went to a jewelry store.

We.

I picked out my ring, which I never in a million years would have thought would really be my ring.

One day, it turns out he bought it without me knowing.

This was July 1st through the 10th.

Went well.

Ended up flying back to D.C.

i was supposed to go to Iowa.

He was supposed to come back here to Virginia.

I just changed my flight to come to dc, unpacked my bag into his closet.

A couple weeks later, we flew to Iowa to Help my parents move because all of my stuff was in their, their like house that they were renting as they were building a house.

So I needed to come and deal with my things.

So he flew back with me, asked my dad for permission to marry me.

This was now my birthday, proposed to me on my 30th birthday, and the rest is history.

So that is a condensed version of how it went.

But we were married.

We.

We met and were married in three months time.

So that is wild and crazy and how Jonathan Ballard does things.

The man knows what he wants and he gets it.

So that's that kind of crazy.

Next question.

Question.

What is the most challenging aspect of your nutrition coaching?

100% by far, adherence.

Getting clients to adhere.

It is hard.

You know, if it wasn't hard to eat and fuel your body properly to have a body that looks, feels and performs its best every single day, everyone would have a body that looked, felt and performed well every single day.

And if you look around, that is not the case.

And the reason is, it's, it's, it's simple.

The rules are simple, but it is not easy.

So adherence by far is the most difficult thing.

Like, I sometimes feel like I want the result for my clients more than my clients want it for themselves and I can't do the work.

And so that's where it gets really difficult.

And it's also so rewarding because of that same reason, because when I do get a client who locks in and just decides that they are going to make this change and they want, you know, a different outcome for themselves than they've had in the past and really just does the things, like I can, I can tell you exactly what to do.

I can give you the blueprint.

You just gotta execute.

And so adherence is hard.

And I get it.

It was a struggle.

Y'all know, if you've listened to this podcast for long, you know the struggles I had with, with an eating disorder and hating my body and being on this diet roller coaster and not understanding how to eat properly and watching other women eat and just not understanding like, how are they able to eat like a normal person?

Like, I, I was so disordered at some point that I just had truly no idea how to eat, as silly as that sounds.

But I'm sure it resonates with someone.

So, I mean, that's just the thing.

You gotta, you gotta lock in, you gotta decide, you gotta be.

It has to be so much more painful to stay where you are then the pain of making the sacrifice to get where you want to go.

And that's when people really once and for all will make the change.

My skincare routine.

So this is a question I get from time to time.

So for my skin care I'll just kind of give you the.

I'll give you the brand.

So I use some Jan Marini, which is new since I guess I got it in.

Well, it was black.

Black Friday is when I ordered this Jan Marini skincare.

I'd heard of it a lot and I actually love it.

I've already rebought the entire set for a second time.

I use it morning and night every single day and I love it.

I also swear by SkinCeuticals, CE Ferulic vitamin C serum.

I use it every single morning.

It's an antioxidant.

No one does antioxidants better than skinceuticals.

It's expensive, it's annoying, but it's worth it.

I recently added into my morning routine a topical estrogen cream.

So that is something that I've read about, I've researched, I've heard about women using topical estrogen on their skin.

It does not get into your bloodstream, so it's not like hormone replacement.

It's simply topical estrogen mixed with hyaluronic acid.

You have to get it from a compounding pharmacy with a prescription.

But that's something I've recently added into my skincare routine.

In the morning, at night, without fail, I do tretinoin 0.05%.

It's also a prescription, but I swear it is.

I mean it is promotes cell turnover.

It is a game changer for anti aging and youthful looking skin.

I also wear a red light mask.

I do red light every single night on my skin.

I just after I get out of the bath I put on my red light mask.

And then after that I do my skin care.

So those are kind of my ob.

I drink tons of water.

That's a big deal too, staying hydrated.

But those are my, those are my topical.

That's what I topically do for my skin.

What's next?

Let's see future goals.

Gosh, what a question.

I.

It's like I have so many but I also don't know what they are.

It's like this continued pursuit of my purpose and like where God wants me to be.

But I am in the midst of this brand building coaching.

So I'm trying to like make all of the things that I do cohesive while also creating Kingdom Impact.

I actually just yesterday, just yesterday spoke with the owner of my Gym about creating a program for women of a certain age.

Perimenopausal, menopausal age.

Women like the perfect training plan for someone of, you know, for an aging woman.

I hate to say, but I'm an aging woman.

Actually, we're all aging women.

But there are things that our body can withstand and deal with in our 20s and early 30s that at a certain point just becomes too much and detrimental to our overall, honestly, our, our aesthetic, how our body shows up, what it looks like, the inflammation and the water we're holding on to.

So there are just ideal ways of training for this part of life.

And so that's something that's been on my heart and on my mind for probably a good year now.

But I haven't known exactly how to execute.

And I still have to.

I'm still praying over whether it's not.

Whether or not it's worth trading time for money.

I really don't like to trade time for money if I don't have to and whether it's just something that God wants from me.

I'm really trying to filter everything I do through God's purpose and design for my life.

So we'll see.

That's the first time I've really spoken that kind of dream or thought out loud other than to Caleb at the gym literally yesterday.

So you're hearing it here first.

What else?

How do I like my coffee?

So I was almost, I, I'm like a little embarrassed.

I don't know why, but I think because I'm a nutrition coach and I should be making healthy choices and I don't think my coffee is a healthy choice.

However, I hope love it.

So I used to be not a sweet person.

What changed was when I started drinking the Modere coffee, that, that does not taste good if you don't add some things to it.

Now it was worth it for the benefits for me to figure out how to love it.

And so how I loved it was by adding lots of things to it.

Well, I'm no longer drinking Modere coffee because if you haven't heard, Modere class closed its doors with no, no warning.

Just after 23 years in business close their doors.

No more access to product, no more access to your business if that was still where you were at.

So there's no more Modere coffee.

But I hadn't been using it for the past probably I'd say four or five months.

And so I'd moved on to a brand of coffee called Fabula.

It's mold free and like a Good choice.

As far as coffee, all the coffee we drink, most of the coffees are full of mold, and that's bad.

So I drink this brand called Fabula.

And I'm so specific.

And I travel with my coffee.

It's that bad.

So I do.

I got.

I got the Keurig kind.

You can buy it in a bag.

You can buy it as beans.

You can buy it in K cups.

So I do the K cups because that's just convenience.

But I do one regular pod and then I do one decaf pod and I do 20 ounces of coffee.

I know this is.

I don't know who asked me this question, but you.

You asked.

So you're getting.

You're getting all of it.

So I make the coffee and then I put in inulin.

And that is a prebiotic.

So I put inulin powder in my coffee.

I've been doing it for years.

I think it's one of those things.

I don't even know why I do it anymore, but I've just done it for so long that I always do.

It doesn't change the taste.

I just feel like it's doing something good.

So I put inulin in my coffee.

Then I put cinnamon in my coffee.

Then I put skinny syrup.

So whether it's butter toffee or caramel pecan or you name it.

I had a maple donut.

One skinny syrup that is not good for me by any means.

So I do the skinny syrup.

And I do.

I do.

I do quite a bit of it after the skinny syrup.

Then I do.

Oh, then I do layered superfood creamer, which it was.

This was just part of me trying to figure out how I would love my coffee.

So I do one scoop of that.

And it's the pumpkin kind, which is kind of random.

And I can't even buy it this season, this time of the year, but I do one scoop of layered superfood pumpkin creamer.

It is a powder powdered creamer.

And then after that, I do.

I think the brand is Elmhurst Oat milk French vanilla creamer.

I don't even know what to say, guys.

That is how I drink my coffee.

And it is so good.

And it is my favorite part of every single day.

Coffee and Jesus.

Every morning, look forward, start, like literally when I finish eating my dinner at like 5pm, I start thinking about coffee in the morning and my mouth starts watering for.

For coffee.

And I'm just.

I'm.

I'm thirsty for coffee.

Coffee.

And I'm.

I'm hungry for Jesus And I really just start not being able to wait for morning, which is also part of why I go to bed so early because I really just want to get to morning at a certain point.

But.

Oh, I love my coffee.

Okay, now, you know, if I could be remembered for one thing, what would it be?

So I, I think it would just have to be a heart for Jesus and how much I love my boys.

Those are, that's what my heart told me when I read that question.

What is your go to comfort food?

So this was so easy for me.

I, it's always breakfast carbs.

I say breakfast carbs.

It could be a pastry, a donut, a waffle.

I literally never met a breakfast carb I didn't like.

I, my TikTok, my algorithm shows me so much delicious breakfast food, sweet breakfast carbs, preferably that you could like melt some butter on like a, a cinnamon bun.

I'm, I'm currently being targeted by this place in this golden diner maybe in New York City.

It has like the world's best pancakes and they're called honey butter pancakes.

And I also dream of these at night.

An apple fritter used to be kind of a waffle or an apple fritter was the beginning of every Sunday binge.

Again, if you know, you know, if you've been around, you know, Sunday binges, they always were brunch.

I would have Jonathan take me to like, I would research the best brunch spots in the area and we would spend every Sunday just like going from brunch to brunch, eating all of the food.

And then I would punish myself with a 10 mile run in the afternoon.

That is not healthy.

That is not a healthy relationship with food.

But I tell you what, it's a, it's a breakfast carb for me.

I, I, I, I Yum, waffles.

My husband makes the best waffles ever and they're so good.

I did indulge on Easter and I, it was a protein pancake, but I allowed myself to put butter and syrup on it and that didn't fit in my macros that day.

Y'all know how much syrup you can have for an exorbitant amount of calories and carbs?

Much, not very much at all.

I probably use 3 servings.

If I wasn't measuring, I bet you it's easy.

3 servings that I would put on on a waffle, which is, which would be close to a hundred grams of carbs.

So anyway, I maybe didn't even want to know that information.

What is next.

What is a skill or talent I wish I had and my initial thought was to be able to sing and or dance.

I cannot do either of those things and I always wished I could, but I think right now, where I am in my life, what I wish I had was the gift of like, being able to pray out loud beautifully.

And I know it doesn't change the effectiveness of your prayers to be able to beautifully pray, but I think it can affect people so differently and I just do not, I just do not possess that gift.

But I admire very much people who do.

What did you replace Modere collagen with?

Well, good question.

Funny you should ask.

I am taking a pill form of BioCell currently.

However, I don't actually know if I'm even allowed to say this.

I actually don't know.

We.

We are coming out with a collagen that's going to contain colostrum.

And I'm so excited about that.

I'm so excited for my all my Modere customers that have been looking for a good replacement for what they can no longer get with Modere.

And I'm thinking by mid to end of summer, we will have it available.

And I take Armor Colostrum every single day.

So I'm so excited to have a product that will incorpor both things because I do notice a difference in not taking collagen.

It's so random because last Friday I was in Iowa at the gym with my friend Nikki and I said, I think I might order a bottle of Life just because I've been off of it so long to see if I really like, see and feel a difference.

Even though I was taking a pill form of BioCell.

I've never gone without BioCell.

When I told you collagen was life changing and that you needed it, I meant that, that within 20 minutes I got the news that Modere had closed its stores and you could no longer get any of their products ever again.

So that was wild and crazy to find out.

But I'm really excited to have a collagen product to not only to take, but to share.

So that is on the horizon, my friends.

Dream travel, destination.

So this is funny because I was just talking about this this morning with my friend Bri, so she's going to London.

And I was like, oh, I've always wanted to go to London.

So for me it's London, Italy.

I had a trip to Italy planned right when the pandemic hit.

I had it paid for.

It was happening.

It was actually a retreat so it was going to be amazing.

We were going to all these different places and, and of course it got canceled.

And then Greece and Israel in, in, in peaceful times.

I would love to go to Israel.

So those are my bucket list, like places that I want to visit.

The thing is, I don't know how to travel internationally like that.

I don't know how to do Europe.

So I would want someone to go with me that like, knows what they're, knows how to communicate, knows how to get around, knows how to.

I don't even know how to like take the metro here where I live.

Like, I don't, I don't, I don't do that.

When I moved here, I didn't even understand how to park in a parking garage.

In fact, one time I parked in a parking garage.

I went to a concert parked in a parking garage.

And then I didn't know what parking garage I parked in.

So my car was just lost.

So that's a small town Iowa girl for you.

So I would not feel comfortable.

Honestly, I wouldn't.

As much as well traveled as my husband is, I would not even feel comfortable.

Just him and I going.

I would want for us to go like with another couple who, who knows Europe and who could do this well.

So those are it.

Do I miss cold plunging?

No, not at all.

I do not miss cold plunging.

I feel bad that I own one and I don't use it.

But cold plunges were taken away from me when the heart stuff first happened.

So that was kind of great.

Of the things that got taken away from me, the only good one was cold plunging.

So I've also read as more research comes out, they're saying it is that women cannot tolerate cold like men can and that if you are cold plunging, it should actually be at the top of the like the higher temperature side of where benefits can happen from cold.

So a woman would want to be more at like 55 to 57 degrees rather than like 39 to 41 like I was doing.

And that really heat is way more beneficial to women.

And I can wrap my mind around that.

I, I sauna almost daily.

So I feel really, really grateful that I have that.

Um, we have a sauna here and so I can just warm that up and hop in there for like 20 minutes after my workout every day.

And that feels like I'm, you know, checking some boxes for my health.

And a lot of why I did cold plunge was doing hard things and mental toughness.

And I mean, I feel like it turns out I'm Pretty mentally tough.

And I don't need a cold plunge to prove that or to keep it going because I have, I have figured out mental toughness.

I feel like.

Let's see what is next.

Okay.

Do I ever not hit my step goal and am I okay with it?

So.

So yes and no.

I.

Right now I'm.

As we speak Today, I am 130 days post op and I am on a 120 day streak of hitting 12,000 or more steps a day.

So the problem for me is a streak.

I don't love to see a streak go.

So now that I have one, it's hard for me to let it go.

Before my surgery, I was doing 12,000 steps six days a week.

So Sundays were a full rest day from everything.

When I wasn't able to work out at all, I went into getting my steps all seven days of the week.

So when it was the plan to only do six days, I was totally fine with hitting my step goal six days a week.

And it was actually nice because I could kind of, you know, switch the day around based on if I had a day of the week where it was going to be hard for me to get my steps.

Once I couldn't work out, though, I started doing it every day.

And now here we are at a streak.

It's a slippery slope for me though.

I need to be okay with not hitting my steps.

I really do.

And a streak has gotten me in trouble.

Before I.

I had once worked out for 594 days in a row.

The plan was to work out every single day for a year.

And when I did that, I couldn't just let the streak go because, like, who works out for 3,365 days and then is like, yeah, I think I'll rest tomorrow.

Like, no, I'm.

I got this thing going.

Like, why let a good thing go?

But it wasn't a good thing.

And the only thing that actually made me stop was Covid.

A bad case of COVID It, like it knocked me down.

And the reason it knocked me down is probably because my body was dead tired and I had not recovered in dang near two years.

So that is a good reminder to me and also evidence that I see often in my life, unfortunately, that God has to take drastic measures to slow me down.

So maybe this is a good reminder that it's okay to let the step streak go.

Especially because I'm now working out.

I'm lifting four days a week.

I'm doing CrossFit two days a week.

I'm trying to get two full rest days.

So that means one of the days I have to do CrossFit and lifting, but the lifting is chill.

Like it's in my basement.

Yesterday I wasn't feeling it, so I just, I only did 30 minutes and it's nothing like what I was doing before.

And I think that I'm seeing the reward of that because I sleep so much better, I look better, I feel better, my heart rate is lower, my resting heart rate is lower.

I'll never know if that's surgery or if that's, you know, getting my obsessive exercise under control, getting my stress, my cortisol down, all of that under control.

I'm sure it all plays a part, but I definitely feel better.

So I don't want to get back on a bad cycle of feeling like I'm doing it for a streak instead of for my overall health and well being, because that's truly what I'm chasing now is overall health.

So that was a long winded way to answer that question.

So I'm on a streak.

I need to let it go.

I'm not okay with just simply not getting to the goal because my personal standard is 12,000 steps a day.

So I'm not just going to be like, ugh, I'm not going to get there.

I can't do it.

For me, it's going to have to be a I decided that Sunday is going to be my day of rest because that feels different to me.

That feels different to me.

In my mindset, I didn't fail.

I chose a rest day.

So I need to find balance and acceptance around that, that is for sure.

Let's see what's next.

How do you help lead your children toward God without pressure?

So I think that's totally just in leading by example and explaining why you make the decisions you make.

Because I'm sure a lot of the decisions you make if you're a follower of Jesus, are based on his teachings and what he tells us is right and how we are to live.

So I think explaining that as you lead by example, asking your children for forgiveness when you screw up, and explaining why you know, there's Proverbs 22:6 tells us, Train up a child in the way that he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it.

So giving them a solid foundation of Jesus and why he is our hope in this life and why we want to live a life of faith there.

I just listened to this podcast about this study that showed that if a Child is the first person in a family to accept Jesus into their life, Three and a half percent of the family will follow.

If a mom is the first follower of Christ in the family, 22% of the family will follow.

But if it's dad, 93% of the family follows.

That is the power of a strong leader in a father.

And it's one of the very few places in a child's life where a dad has more influence than a mom.

I thought that was really, really interesting.

Uh, let's see what life events triggered your discipline.

So this is interesting.

This is another one.

If you've been around for long, you've heard me talk about that.

I used to be a quitter.

I quit everything.

I started, whether it was like running.

So for me it was running.

Like running was the way I exercised.

I was in cross country.

I quit every single meet.

I think I had two meets where I finished and every other thing said dnf, dnf, dnf.

Because I just faked shin splints and I would fall down or like trip over my own shoestrings and quit.

That was me.

And that is shameful when I talk about it now because I would never do that anymore.

And so I know what being a quitter feels like.

And it does not feel good.

I can, I can promise you I never felt good about laying down on a golf course mid cross country meet and saying my shins hurt too bad to continue running.

Did I feel accomplished?

Did I feel proud of myself?

Did I feel like I was building endurance and, and learning to how to be mentally tough and teaching myself that I could do hard things?

No, I just gave up when it got hard.

And I continued to do that in my life, in marriage.

I gave up.

I just gave up on, on my first marriage.

I mean, talk about pushing through a hard thing.

That would have been rough, but I would continue to just quit, quit on myself, quit on everyone else when it got hard.

So I thought of, when I read this question, I'm like, I can think of two times when my ex husband, actually I have him to thank, thought that I would quit.

And I didn't.

And I remember I didn't find out until after the fact that these were his thoughts.

But one was I went to aesthetics school and I'd quit college, I don't know how many times.

So when I told him I was going to aesthetic school, he automatically assumed that I would just quit and not graduate.

And I didn't.

And I remember finding that out and thinking, wow, thank God, I followed through on that because this feels so much better than had.

I quit and proved him right about me.

And the other thing was he allowed me to move here to Virginia with my children after putting up a huge fight in court one day, my lawyer called me and he said, you're not going to believe this, but he says, you can move.

And I was like, what?

And he goes, my suggestion for you is to pack up everything you own and get there and establish the boys.

Get them a doctor, get them a school, get them established in their life there.

And later he would end up fighting me for full custody.

And I was so baffled.

I'm like, you, let me go.

What?

Like what?

Why are you doing this now?

And he said, I just thought you'd come back.

I didn't think you could handle it.

I didn't think you could hack it.

I thought you'd quit.

And I remember thinking, I am never.

I am never going to be a quitter again.

And I wasn't.

I haven't been.

And I'm not.

I'm not defined by being a quitter anymore.

In fact, I am quite the opposite of being a quitter.

I am a I must see it through till the end kind of girl.

And I love that about me.

And so, again, I know what it feels like to be a quitter.

And I was never.

I've never been proud of myself when I've quit, but I've always been proud of myself when I've powered through.

What made you fall in love with CrossFit?

And a daily step goal.

So it's right along those same lines.

So CrossFit for me was.

I never had ever in my life felt like I was good at something.

I.

I don't know how to quite articulate that, but I've never felt like, you say, like, what's a talent you wish you had?

I never have.

I've never thought that I even have one.

I don't feel like I'm gifted at things.

I just never have felt good.

And so when I started CrossFit, even though I was so afraid I put it off, for years, I'd been in the space of CrossFit gyms, but I was always over in boot camp because I was terrified.

I was intimidated by CrossFit.

And once I finally, because my sweet friend Melissa invited me and encouraged me to do it, once I stepped into a CrossFit gym, I was immediately hooked.

And I felt like I was good at it.

And so when I felt like I was good at it, it almost Became a drug.

I needed that fix every day to like give myself.

It was like identity wrapped up in.

In being good at CrossFit because it felt so good to finally feel like I was good at something.

So we could argue whether or not I actually have other talents or gifts.

And you can believe that I do, but the fact was that I didn't feel like I did.

And so this just again, it felt like a drug to me.

Like I needed that fix every single day.

And that's where I got myself in trouble.

Because it's not something you should be giving.

You should not be giving a hundred percent of yourself in a workout six to seven days a week because you just can't keep it up.

Your body, your body will fight against that at some point.

So I think that's just where my love for CrossFit came from.

Not to mention the truly positive things about it.

It is an exceptional workout.

It taught me things that I never believed that I could do.

The community is just something that I would never want to give up.

I absolutely love the community, the people.

I always say it's my favorite place with my favorite people, and I stand by that.

I love CrossFit in the community and just the confidence it brought in my life.

I'd never had confidence before and it really gave me self esteem and self worth.

As much as that's not where I should have been finding it.

That's kind of where it started.

Do you ever feel shy on social media?

You do such a good job showing up.

So I am an open book.

It's so funny because my no one in my family is really like that.

I will tell you anything you want to know whenever you want to know it.

All you gotta do is ask.

So no, I don't feel shy.

I do notice I don't show up as much when, like, if I look like absolute trash.

I don't want to get on my stories.

And that's something I'm kind of.

I mean, I do.

I was just on my stories today with no makeup on, looking like a wreck.

But I'm not afraid to share things.

The only thing that holds me back is when my story intersects with someone else's story that isn't quite an open book like me or hasn't given me permission to share their part of the story.

And so that's where I have to be mindful and respectful of other people's boundaries and privacy because I don't even have boundaries for myself.

And I don't.

I don't feel like things are private because I feel like everything's.

Somebody can resonate with everything.

I'm not alone in my struggles or the things I've been through or the choices that I've made.

And if I can inspire someone to like, come out on the other side of it, I'm more than happy to share.

And I have done shameful things.

And if you ask me about it, I'm happy to share it with you because you're not alone in it.

And I know someone can relate and, And I don't have to live in that shame spiral because I've come out on the other side.

I've learned from my mistakes and become a better human being.

What else we got?

Oh, that reminds me too.

Just like, even sometimes I get a little pitter patter in my heart about people going back and listening to like early episodes of Activate because I was such a different human being then.

I mean, we were, we were using the F word constantly.

All I cared about was food and body, very deep in an eating disorder, very disrespectful of my husband.

Just so many things.

I mean, well, I haven't been drunk, but like, just telling stories about when I used to be drinking all the time and all the mistakes I made, like, it gives me a little pause to think, man, that's all out there.

But what a beautiful story of redemption.

If you were to listen over all 250some odd episodes to see the evolution of my life and my faith and how God has worked in my life and how a faith in Jesus has changed me, I think, wow, what a testimony.

So therefore I'm not, I'm not ashamed of any of it.

It's, it's, it's all part of my story.

I can't change the past and I wouldn't because it's all brought me to where I am now.

Bible verse that has gotten you through challenging times.

So for the longest, for the first half of my life as a follower of Jesus, it was Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Plans to give you hope in a future.

And then when I.

When all the heart stuff happened, God just put Isaiah 41:10 in front of me.

Do not fear, for I am with you.

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and keep you.

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

That got me through the whole last six months of my life.

So those are two of my very favorite verses.

Will I ever move back to Iowa.

So that's funny that you should ask Caleb.

My Caleb, my sweet boy.

Actually, he asked me on that on Sunday when I was there, and he was having a hard time with saying goodbye to me.

And he said, do you ever think you could.

You would move back to Iowa?

And my immediate thought was like, buy me a house.

Not, not my kid, my husband.

I was like, baby, buy me a house.

We're moving back.

And he's like, all it takes is for Caleb to ask you one time and now you suddenly want to live in Iowa.

When I think about it, like, when I think long and hard, I don't want to live in Iowa.

I cannot deal with Iowa weather.

It has been like, chilly and rainy and windy all spring long Virginia weather is so mild.

We get all four seasons still, but spring comes early and fall stays late and winter is short.

We usually get a snow or two we can enjoy.

And then it's, you know, very mild, mild temperatures.

We don't have a lot of natural disasters here.

Iowa definitely has tornadoes.

I also just come from such a small, tiny town that I remember the days of literally, like, driving around the town with my little boys in the back, feeling like I could possibly die of boredom.

But it's actually funny now because I don't.

I don't go anywhere.

I just am at my house.

But I love the idea of knowing that there are lots of things around me to do if I ever actually had the desire to go do them.

And just like restaurants and I don't know, just access to things, access to shopping, access to entertainment.

Like, it's not Iowa doesn't have it.

But what Iowa does have is my two precious boys, my parents, my grandma, my sister, my friends.

So it holds such a special place in my heart.

And I will never, I will never stop being thankful for being raised in a small town in Iowa.

Like, I think it is the best place to be from.

I just for me, it wasn't the best place to stay.

Now I'm not opposed to my husband buying some hunting ground in Iowa and having a nice little house there where I can snuggle my grandbabies one day and spend time with my family and be there and, you know, opportune seasons of the year.

But do I ever see myself living in Iowa again?

Probably not.

Which is probably unfortunate for the person that was asking the question.

But I love you still.

All right, we're getting there.

So favorite make wellness product.

So you all know that I left Modere for a multitude of reasons and I switched companies to to make wellness.

It is a natural from a plant bioactive peptide company.

Peptides are the future of wellness.

There's no denying that.

I love the idea that they're ingestible, not injectable like synthetic peptides, and that they are made from nature and that your body knows exactly what to do with them.

So my favorite, favorite product is Fit.

And it really goes back to my passion for like aging and aging gracefully and promoting, you know, muscle as we age and chasing muscle like our life depends on it.

Because it does.

And I, I do.

I wish it wasn't called Fit because people think it's only for people that work out and that simply is not true.

It just helps us to preserve that muscle as we age.

It helps muscle recovery.

It has NAD plus, which is something else that I have actually.

Before my heart surgery, before my heart issue, I had told Jonathan what I wanted for Christmas was a IV membership to an IV company, a mobile IV company to get NAD plus infusions once a month.

Now there are some scary side effects that can come from those NAD plus infusions.

Our product actually has a 17% decrease in all cause mortality, which is incredible.

Just, it's all a part of our Fit peptide.

So that is by far my favorite one.

But I will say this is annoying.

I love them all.

We only have six products and I didn't start out taking them all.

In fact, I couldn't.

I could only take calm.

And calm is amazing.

Asher and I do calm.

Cheers.

Every night before bed, we just cheers to each other and we take our calm and it's just enough to kind of chill you out.

It's actually non drowsy, so it can be taken anytime during the day if you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

So calm.

We love it.

Tastes so good.

It's like lemony limey and it's just like, I don't know, it's like a little treat before bed.

And then lean and fit.

I couldn't take either of those until well after surgery.

So when I got to start taking those both, I was so excited.

They actually work synergistically.

They work together for better body composition in addition to all the other benefits of both products.

So I love those two.

Take them every day hydrated.

I drink three hydrated every single day.

Just a staple in my life.

I used to drink Elements or Redmond's Relay for electrolytes and now I just use our hydrated.

It's.

It's so light and refreshing and good.

So that helps Me get all my water in, let alone the benefits of having electrolytes, it increases the, like, the effectiveness.

So it's like drinking seven glasses of water as opposed to one glass of water when you're adding in the hydrated.

And then we have energized and focused.

And those are two that I never took because I was like, I don't like all the extra caffeine.

I don't feel like I struggle with energy, and I don't feel like I struggle with focused.

But I started taking them together, energized and focused.

I don't take them every day, just if I have something.

And it's specifically the podcast is where I noticed it, because it would take me an entire day to prepare and plan a podcast because I couldn't stay on task.

Like, I would.

I would, you know, write some notes, and then I would check my Instagram, and then I would check my back office, and then I would, like, I don't know, go walk some steps to get my step goal.

I don't.

I could not focus, and I didn't even recognize that.

I just kind of thought, well, you know, this is just how I do things.

And because I live a life so free of, like, deadlines and places I have to be and things that I have to have done by a certain point, I didn't even recognize that I.

I struggled to focus.

So I started taking energized and focused on days where I had to get a podcast prepared, like today.

And I feel amazing.

There's just.

It just kind of gets rid of the brain fog and it helps you to stay on task.

It's amazing.

So favorite.

Favorite is fit, but there's not a product that I don't love.

I'm so excited we're going to have.

The goal with Make Wellness is Body, Brains, Beauty, and Beyond.

So we're going to have skin care.

Obviously, the collagen will be inside out, you know, anti aging.

I'm so excited about that.

Just so many things on the horizon.

We're having a sleep product come out in the next, like, year, which I'm so looking forward to.

If that could get me off of Ambien, that would be incredible.

I will say I have been sleeping so well, and I do think, too, that that is a part of not doing such intense exercise every day and lowering my cortisol, getting those stress levels down.

My heart rate is lower at night, and I am just sleeping like a baby, which is amazing because I've struggled with sleep for a really long time.

All right, we're getting there.

This is a long one, guys.

So, next, what does a day in my life look like?

So, as I said, every morning, which, oh, my gosh, here's another blessing of my life that I thank God for all the time, is that I never have to set an alarm.

I never wake up to an alarm, which is just such a blessing because there's nothing worse than the cortisol rush of a blaring alarm waking you up out of a.

A dead sleep when you're not ready to get up, and then knowing that you most likely are getting up to go somewhere you don't want to go.

So one of the main major, huge blessings of my life is not having to wake up to an alarm and being able to make money from home.

So it starts with Jesus and coffee.

So I wake up every single morning.

When I wake up, it's usually between 5:30 and 6:30.

And I'm so excited to start my day.

What.

What a blessing.

So I get up, I make that.

That exorbitant cup of coffee that I shared with you, and then I go sit.

And we have this little living room in the front of our house, and I go sit there with my pile of books.

I start with a Bible recap.

So I read the scripture for the day, and then I listen to the recap podcast, and then I move on to my devotions.

And then whatever other books I'm reading that, you know, just complement what I'm learning in the Bible or just in my faith journey.

And then every single day, I write my prayers, start with praise.

That's like my gratitude report.

And then I move on to repentance and asking forgiveness.

And then I move on to asking God what it is that I need.

And then I do my daily Bible verse.

So it could be the verse of the day from the Bible app.

It could be a.

A verse from one of my devotions.

It could just be a.

A verse that's speaking to me that day.

I write that down, and that is my morning routine.

And that can take me anywhere from an hour to like two and a half.

And just depending on what else I have to do that day, I just let it go long or I, you know, stay on task and get it all done in that first hour.

But that is always, always, always the first hour of my day.

And I.

I am so grateful.

It is my favorite hour of the day.

So after that, I get up, I always make my fit, take my lean, take my baby aspirin, because that is the One thing that I have to do after having heart surgery is take a baby as every day.

And then I just get to do in some things.

Usually I'm unloading the dishwasher, starting some laundry, making breakfast.

I eat and then if I, like, If I'm coaching CrossFit that day, I head out for that, or if I'm going to class, I head out for that.

Otherwise I get, I come up to my office, I get a little work done, whatever that looks like for the day.

I might do a little meal prep.

Mostly just protein prep.

That's kind of my jam.

I just prep the protein and then whatever else I can just, just throw together in the moment.

And then it's lunch.

Asher's here doing his online school.

So I'm, you know, conversing with him in between classes, bringing him whatever he needs, you know, mom, can you make my drink?

He does a little concoction of hydrated and creatine every day.

So I make him his drink and bring it to him.

I, you know, prep his lunch, whatever it is he's gonna eat.

And then now if I haven't done a workout, I will do that.

Mostly after lunch, I, I go down to my basement, do my lifting for the day, whatever it looks like.

I have a four day split that I'm working through.

So I have a glutes and hamstrings day.

I have a back and biceps day, I have a shoulders and triceps day and then I have a quad focus day.

I can't do any chest work currently.

So those are my, that's my split for right now.

Like I said, I do two days a week of CrossFit.

I coach one day and then the afternoon I, I prepare a podcast.

I, you know, do some work for make wellness.

I coach clients, whatever that looks like.

I just kind of live this beautiful life.

And then at some point in there, I've.

Usually in the morning I'll walk 6,000 steps, and then the afternoon I walk 6,000.

I start to think about what I'm gonna make everybody.

For dinner, we might go outside.

Asher and Jonathan will go fishing.

This time of year I'll do my steps, I'll read.

I'm always into a book.

I think I've finished like 22 books already in 20, 25.

And then if I have, you know, chores and things, if I need to clean up, if I need to do laundry, I'll do that.

Then I eat dinner between 4:30 and 5:00.

And that kind of signifies the end of eating for me in a day.

And honestly, after that, it is just like get me in the bath, get me in my pajamas and put me to bed.

That's how I feel.

So I, I take my bath always after my bath, I do my red light mask that I was telling you about.

Oh, and there's usually a sauna in there after the workout.

Do that red light mask.

Every night, Jonathan and I take a bath together.

I've talked about that too.

That's like our, we sit, we sit facing each other in the bathtub.

We download our day.

We could be in there for 10 minutes.

We could be in there for an hour and ten minutes just talking about life and plans and, I don't know, dreams.

What was hard about the day, what we're struggling with.

We share all of that.

And then we always watch a show together.

So then we get in bed, watch a show, and then, you know, your girl starts winding down.

I'm usually asleep by 9:00.

I, 9, 9:30, I am done and down.

I lay on my red light.

I have a red light bed, basically a red light mat.

So I either lay that on my chest as part of healing or I just lay on it before bed.

And that really promotes good sleep and recovery and lots of amazing benefits from a red light bed.

And then I turn on my fan on my dresser, I turn on my fan on my ceiling, I turn on my noisemaker and I make it as absolutely like, perfect for sleep as I possibly can.

And then I, I crash out for eight and a half, nine hours.

And that is a day in the life of Kristen.

And if you hate me after listening to that, I apologize, but that's, that's the truth of it.

Oh, let's see.

A dream of mine.

I think this might actually be.

Oh no, there's one more.

A dream of mine.

And I, I thought hard about this.

I've always been someone who struggles to figure out, like, what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and really what do I even want it to look like.

But lately my only dream is that all my kids would be saved.

I pray it, I dream it, I want it, I wish it.

I, I, I covet their salvation and then crowns in heaven.

I'm just trying to earn my crowns in heaven through living a life of, you know, pleasing God and persevering through trying times and serving others.

That's truly my dream now.

All the other things seem so trivial after not knowing if you're gonna live or die.

It just, there's a perspective Shift.

Things just change.

I was just sharing with a friend of mine, like, and I think I've already shared on the podcast, but things matter so little to me now.

Sure.

I'm sure there's gonna, you're gonna be like, oh, you didn't have that shirt before, whatever, like, okay, I get it.

But the importance that I had on things before, before the car accident and before finding out about my heart issue, I just have.

It just doesn't matter.

Those things do not matter.

Designer things.

I don't, I don't, I don't even want designer things.

It just seems so trivial and unimportant.

And I absolutely want those things for you if you have a desire for those things.

I don't, I don't judge anyone who wants those things.

I wanted all of those things and it was, there was nothing wrong with wanting them.

There's just something in me now that has changed.

A switch flipped in me and I don't have a desire for those things anymore.

Well, that's brings me to my next question.

Have you gotten Botox?

So I shared on here that I had a conviction and that I wasn't going to get Botox anymore.

And the answer is no.

I got Botox in November before Stellan's wedding, and I have not since.

I had a conviction that I, I shouldn't be putting, you know, things in my body that I don't know what they're gonna do to me long term after having a health scare, and I haven't.

But I will tell you, I really want it.

And I've been having some conversations and, you know, prayers with God about when I have these holy spirit convictions on my heart, how do I discern whether they're meant to be forever or whether they're meant to be for now.

But what I believe is that if I still want Botox so badly, now is not the time that I can have it.

So in saying that if I get to a place where I don't want it anymore, that's when I can have it.

But then I don't want it.

So I don't know what that looks like going forward.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I don't know.

I just have to keep praying on it.

If I can just be really honest, I, as I've shared like I was never good at anything.

I didn't have any talents.

I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing.

I didn't love myself very little, self worth and self esteem.

The only compliment I ever got my whole life was, you're Pretty.

And so I think there's a deep fear of losing pretty.

And I think I associate growing older aging as losing beauty in a way.

And so I think I cling to that.

And so God is using this to teach me something and it hasn't.

It's not an easy lesson to learn.

And it's, it's.

I hope that that doesn't sound.

I don't know, I hope that doesn't sound any kind of way that's just honestly feels terrifying for me to age.

Because if the only thing good about me has ever been how I look, I know that's not true, but that's what has been ingrained in me or what I've believed, then once that's gone, there's nothing good about me.

So that's where this Botox conviction has kind of the rabbit hole has led me down as I try to figure out and try to let go of that, that silly belief around, around how I look.

So there.

That's about as honest as they come.

How do you discern God's voice from your own?

So just like this Botox conviction, right?

Like, how do I know that was not just me?

Well, one, because I would not tell myself I can't have Botox.

But even just the other night when I was asleep and I so very clearly heard, kristen, you're supposed to be coaching women for free.

Like, I never had that thought before.

And I was asleep, but I was so aware.

And I think God talks to me like that a lot.

Like I'm sleeping.

It's not a dream.

I'm very aware.

And when I, like, wake up to, like, go to the bathroom, I'm very aware that I've been being told this thing.

And so this does happen to me.

And I.

You gotta just pray for it.

You gotta pray for God to speak to you.

You gotta pray for him to make it clear.

You gotta pray for him to make his.

His intentions and his.

His will for you clear.

And when you have this feeling of like, is this God or is this me, then you just pray for discernment.

Like, God, if this is you, make it so abundantly clear that I cannot deny that it's you.

And then you just be still and you wait.

Or if it's something that doesn't, like, God's not gonna.

God is never going to ask you to do something that is, that is sinful, number one.

So if it's some, it's a sinful desire, just 1,000% you.

Or the enemy tempting you if you didn't listen to last week's Listen about the enemy, how he uses temptation to keep us from God.

But just praying for that discernment.

And then for me it's like, okay, I hear you, Lord.

I know that that's you telling me this, but now what does that mean?

Help me to understand what it is exactly that you want me to do.

And I'm still.

I'm just still here being.

Still waiting for the answer to that prayer and waiting for him to make it clear to me.

So, all right, I've kept you here for an hour and nine minutes, but I hope that this was enjoyable.

I hope this was a nice little departure from where we've been.

I also hope that you've been just gaining a lot of value from where God has had us these past several months.

Now, that was fun for me.

I enjoyed that.

I don't have to actually prepare for a podcast that's just questions about me.

So that made it easy and enjoyable.

And I hope that.

I hope that you.

I don't know, I hope that that was enjoyable for you as well.

I hope that you have a wonderful week.

Happy Monday.

I'm so grateful for you.

Later.

That's a wrap on another episode of Activate.

Stay up to date by following Hristenleighballard on Instagram.

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Thanks for being here.

Love y'all.

Later.