1 00:00:00,112 --> 00:00:03,188 Get her to the hospital. And the first doctor who came in 2 00:00:03,957 --> 00:00:07,707 said, do you know you have a big old murmur? Which is 3 00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:11,472 literally how he said it. And she was like, what? No. And he's like, 4 00:00:11,488 --> 00:00:15,141 yeah, you have a heart murmur. And she's like, what? And 5 00:00:15,173 --> 00:00:19,019 then he said, this sounds like heart failure to me. Like, 6 00:00:19,243 --> 00:00:22,672 how long have you been treated for heart failure? And she said, I haven't been 7 00:00:22,704 --> 00:00:26,469 treated for heart failure. This doctor sat with 8 00:00:26,469 --> 00:00:30,316 my mother and talked through every single complaint she had, emergent 9 00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:33,490 or otherwise, she talked through every 10 00:00:34,307 --> 00:00:38,091 concern we had. We talked through every bad experience. We talked through all the 11 00:00:38,091 --> 00:00:41,505 things that, that I felt were being mismanaged, that I felt weren't being 12 00:00:41,537 --> 00:00:45,288 managed. She explained stuff to me that nobody has explained to me. 13 00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:49,728 Boop. Hi everybody, I'm Lauren Howard. 14 00:00:49,793 --> 00:00:53,239 Welcome to Different Not Broken, which is our 15 00:00:53,239 --> 00:00:56,814 podcast on exactly that, that there are a lot of people in this world walking 16 00:00:56,830 --> 00:01:00,560 around feeling broken, and the reality is you're just different. And that's fine. 17 00:01:03,137 --> 00:01:06,937 Before I get into this, I just wanna say, I work in healthcare. I see 18 00:01:07,002 --> 00:01:10,722 good healthcare every day. I see exceptional healthcare every 19 00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:14,066 day. I work with incredible doctors. I work with clinicians who 20 00:01:14,682 --> 00:01:18,294 blow me away with their intelligence and their skill. I tease them all the time 21 00:01:18,391 --> 00:01:22,179 because that's like, of course I do, that's just me. But I love 22 00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:25,593 the doctors I work with. I love the nurse practitioners I work with. I'm fortunate 23 00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:29,055 that I get to work with them every day, and I see amazing healthcare being 24 00:01:29,087 --> 00:01:32,265 delivered literally every day. 25 00:01:32,906 --> 00:01:36,319 And so I know it's out there. I know it's possible. I know 26 00:01:36,671 --> 00:01:39,860 there are people who benefit from it. But I also know 27 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:44,042 that some of the things I've seen lately, and I say this as a 28 00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:47,872 person who knows healthcare inside and out, who knows what to look 29 00:01:47,888 --> 00:01:51,573 for, who speaks medical jargon, who can keep up in conversations 30 00:01:52,038 --> 00:01:55,820 about medical issues. I say this as 31 00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:59,590 a person who is not new to this. The 32 00:01:59,654 --> 00:02:02,993 shit care that has come out of people 33 00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:07,825 who know better recently just has 34 00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:11,453 me so frustrated. And 35 00:02:11,453 --> 00:02:14,439 anybody who knows me knows that if I end up in a situation where something's 36 00:02:14,439 --> 00:02:18,244 completely broken, I want to fix it. My brain immediately goes to, how 37 00:02:18,292 --> 00:02:21,824 could we have done this better? How could this have been communicated better? What 38 00:02:21,824 --> 00:02:24,970 product is missing to fix this problem? And the 39 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:28,212 totality of the number of things that had to go wrong 40 00:02:29,207 --> 00:02:32,866 to end up here or to end up with what happened is so 41 00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:35,883 huge. It is an entire system 42 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:40,569 that I can't fix by myself. I don't even know that 1,000 of us working 43 00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:43,891 hard could fix it. I don't know that a million of us working hard could 44 00:02:43,891 --> 00:02:47,021 fix it. Our healthcare system is so 45 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:52,091 mired in its own nonsense. That I don't know 46 00:02:52,541 --> 00:02:56,343 how to fix it. I think some of it will be improved 47 00:02:56,552 --> 00:03:00,146 by people aging out, like just doctors 48 00:03:00,178 --> 00:03:03,981 retiring who need to retire. But then that 49 00:03:04,029 --> 00:03:07,687 sounds like a solution, right? We're gonna get these providers who have 50 00:03:08,746 --> 00:03:12,581 kind of antiquated ways of thinking out of our processes, 51 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:17,154 but we don't have doctors to replace them. Our primary care shortage is 52 00:03:17,186 --> 00:03:20,986 so huge. Our specialist shortage is huge. But people are going into 53 00:03:21,579 --> 00:03:24,992 medical school specialized now, or into residency specialized now. 54 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:29,079 We don't have as much option to put people into primary care 55 00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:33,197 or general practice or internal medicine to become primary care. It's just 56 00:03:33,197 --> 00:03:36,562 not the way our system works anymore. And so the primary care deficit that we 57 00:03:36,642 --> 00:03:40,088 already have is huge. And then the one that follows as we go through the 58 00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:43,837 retirements of the next 10 years, worse. It sounds 59 00:03:43,869 --> 00:03:47,588 great that people are gonna retire. We're settling for insufficient care, 60 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:51,435 but is insufficient care better than no care? I don't have an answer for that, 61 00:03:52,429 --> 00:03:56,068 but it is like a, a huge question that keeps coming up. 62 00:03:56,677 --> 00:04:00,108 Anyway, anybody who has been around me in any 63 00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:04,276 way in the last several months knows that my mom 64 00:04:04,308 --> 00:04:07,514 has been sick and there's been a number of hospitalizations and she's back in the 65 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,944 hospital again, which sucks, but I don't like when she's in the 66 00:04:10,944 --> 00:04:14,560 hospital. But I am less anxious when 67 00:04:14,657 --> 00:04:18,376 she's in the hospital because it means there's somebody with her. It means that she's 68 00:04:18,376 --> 00:04:21,637 not home alone. I don't have to worry about having somebody with her all the 69 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:25,344 time. And also it means she's getting medical care that she needs. They don't keep 70 00:04:25,344 --> 00:04:27,665 you in the hospital academically. If you're in the hospital, you need to be in 71 00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:31,376 the hospital. So she's there, but I'm really angry about the 72 00:04:31,376 --> 00:04:35,153 reason that she's there. I'm glad she's there now and I'm glad they're addressing it 73 00:04:35,249 --> 00:04:38,652 now, but her experience is so 74 00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:42,468 typical, so common of what 75 00:04:43,143 --> 00:04:46,019 we have seen so many times with 76 00:04:46,838 --> 00:04:50,662 women in healthcare, just women getting healthcare. And 77 00:04:51,256 --> 00:04:54,855 it truly took a bunch of women to 78 00:04:54,871 --> 00:04:58,341 straighten it out or to at least get her on the right path. I am 79 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:01,780 not the most observant person. Minor changes in 80 00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,362 people's like looks, I don't usually notice. 81 00:05:06,053 --> 00:05:09,105 I certainly don't usually call them out, but 6 months ago, 82 00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:13,491 I noticed that my mom just didn't look right. She looked different. She was 83 00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:17,121 carrying weight in places where she had never carried weight before. It looked like she 84 00:05:17,121 --> 00:05:20,591 had gained a bunch of weight. I wasn't sure why. It didn't make any sense 85 00:05:20,591 --> 00:05:23,740 to me because that has not been a problem in recent years. 86 00:05:24,671 --> 00:05:28,366 And it was enough that I was concerned. I wasn't concerned that she had gained 87 00:05:28,366 --> 00:05:31,354 weight. People gain weight. I was concerned that she had gained weight in places where 88 00:05:31,354 --> 00:05:34,806 she had never gained weight before. And she looked different. 89 00:05:35,529 --> 00:05:39,365 And so I started calling all of her doctors, and I think 90 00:05:39,365 --> 00:05:42,671 I've talked about this before. It's been a long process of like fighting to get 91 00:05:42,671 --> 00:05:46,170 tests done, asking a bunch of questions, literally 92 00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:49,862 calling her doctors anytime they would get on the phone with me and saying, 93 00:05:50,039 --> 00:05:53,072 there's a problem here. Can someone intervene? What are we missing? What are we doing? 94 00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:56,748 Taking her to new doctors. She's probably seen 10 or 12 doctors this year 95 00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:00,680 alone. And trying to figure out why, getting tests run. I had to call 96 00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:04,476 in favors to get tests run because, like, 97 00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:08,760 one of her doctors literally told me that what the diagnosis that 98 00:06:09,051 --> 00:06:11,718 I thought could be a problem, and I wasn't saying she had it, I was 99 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:15,448 just saying, can we test for this? One of the diagnoses that I 100 00:06:15,448 --> 00:06:19,064 thought she had was really hard to diagnose, so running the labs doesn't do much. 101 00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:23,445 And I was like, it's hard to diagnose, so you just don't, you just don't 102 00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:27,145 run the labs? That doesn't, don't you want the labs anyway? Yeah. 103 00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:31,539 What? That doesn't make sense. And so it's been stuff like that over and 104 00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:35,339 over. And she's been complaining of weight gain. She's been complaining of 105 00:06:35,371 --> 00:06:38,993 fatigue. She tells me she just falls asleep all the time, which is, I, I 106 00:06:38,993 --> 00:06:42,600 mean, like, I can count on one hand the number of times that I remember 107 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:46,431 my mom napping growing up. It was never a thing that happened. And she would 108 00:06:46,431 --> 00:06:50,182 just fall asleep. She was sleeping later. She had very little exercise 109 00:06:50,214 --> 00:06:53,789 tolerance. She had very little motivation to do things, and she had 110 00:06:54,078 --> 00:06:57,787 zero appetite, wasn't eating at all, and still gaining weight. 111 00:06:58,798 --> 00:07:02,523 And I sat with her with multiple doctor's appointments 112 00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:06,088 where she kept telling them, and I would pipe in and tell them, because sometimes 113 00:07:06,088 --> 00:07:09,748 she, like, in front of her doctor, she'll downplay things. I don't know why, 114 00:07:09,877 --> 00:07:13,056 because that's not usually her vibe. Her vibe is usually 115 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:17,584 upplay things, so all the eyeballs go on me. But sometimes with her 116 00:07:17,584 --> 00:07:20,602 doctor, she just doesn't tell them enough about what's going on. And so even I 117 00:07:20,634 --> 00:07:24,278 would say like, no, I'm watching, this is happening. And I 118 00:07:24,406 --> 00:07:27,807 can't tell you how many times people told her to just lose weight. 119 00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:32,267 And I kept saying, okay, but she's not eating. She's 120 00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:36,005 eating so little and she has GI issues 121 00:07:36,262 --> 00:07:39,663 and you're telling her to just lose weight, but she's not eating. Well, she needs 122 00:07:39,663 --> 00:07:43,144 to exercise more. Okay, but she's short of breath. She has 123 00:07:43,978 --> 00:07:46,770 really low exercise tolerance. She can't even walk like she used to. 124 00:07:47,828 --> 00:07:51,324 Well, she's getting older. Okay, but this is not a 5-year decline. This is a 125 00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:54,474 6-month decline. What is going on here? She needs to lose weight. 126 00:07:55,069 --> 00:07:58,749 That was literally the outcome almost every time we had this conversation. I went to 127 00:07:58,749 --> 00:08:02,516 my trip over the weekend or last week, had a great time, came back, 128 00:08:02,757 --> 00:08:06,573 brought my mom lunch a day after I got back and could tell 129 00:08:06,637 --> 00:08:09,408 like her, she sounded like a freight train when she was breathing. And I said, 130 00:08:09,424 --> 00:08:13,216 are you having trouble breathing? And she said, yeah, I talked to my doctor 131 00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:16,601 on Friday. You know, you're bringing me on Monday. Yeah. But I feel like I 132 00:08:16,666 --> 00:08:20,233 can't breathe. And I said, why are you sitting at home alone when you can't 133 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,624 breathe? Like, why didn't we go to the hospital? She's like, well, I don't wanna 134 00:08:23,624 --> 00:08:27,071 go to the hospital. And I was like, well, that's a stupid reason. So I 135 00:08:27,524 --> 00:08:31,084 ordered a pulse ox machine that, listen, I'll be honest, Walmart 136 00:08:31,084 --> 00:08:34,863 delivery is clutch. I don't love Walmart, but I just go on my phone 137 00:08:35,219 --> 00:08:39,021 and tap 2 buttons and literally 19 minutes later I had a 138 00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:42,279 pulse ox in my hand and I put it on her finger. Wow. Her 139 00:08:42,279 --> 00:08:46,050 saturation was at 80. Anything below 90 is like a red flag. 140 00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:50,063 Big problem. Go to the hospital. I called her doctor and he 141 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,631 said all the right things. He said, well, yeah, I talked to her about this 142 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,482 on Friday. It sounded like she was having trouble breathing. She said she 143 00:08:56,547 --> 00:09:00,238 didn't have a pulse ox. And I'm thinking, you didn't tell her to 144 00:09:00,302 --> 00:09:04,138 go get one? You didn't tell her to just, hey, do you have any 145 00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:07,620 delivery apps that can deliver a pulse ox to you? 146 00:09:07,990 --> 00:09:10,950 In a couple minutes, since that's a thing we do in 147 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:14,210 2026. Did you just let her sit here without 148 00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:17,970 checking her oxygen level? Okay, cool. You have a 149 00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:21,410 patient who called you and told you that she's short of breath and you said, 150 00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:25,090 try some medicine and I'll see you on Monday without actually 151 00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:28,930 checking whether she was hypoxic. Okay, whatever. I 152 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:30,950 said, yeah, all right, I'm taking her to the emergency room. I took her over 153 00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:33,470 to the emergency room. She fought me a little bit, but for the most part, 154 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:35,990 she just like has to have the outburst. And then once the outburst is done, 155 00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:39,099 she just does what she's told. She got in the car. I took her, get 156 00:09:39,099 --> 00:09:42,059 her to the hospital, and the first doctor who came in 157 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:46,377 said, do you know you have a big old murmur? Which is 158 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:50,219 literally how he said it. And she was like, what? No. And he is like, 159 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,910 yeah, you have a heart murmur. And she's like, what? And 160 00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:57,827 then he said, this sounds like heart failure to me. Like, 161 00:09:58,117 --> 00:10:01,516 how long have you been treated for heart failure? And she said, I haven't been 162 00:10:01,516 --> 00:10:04,935 treated for heart failure. And he was like, what? Yeah. It's in your chart. 163 00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:08,531 She's like, I don't have heart failure. And he goes, I don't know, this kind 164 00:10:08,531 --> 00:10:12,238 of sounds like heart failure. And she's like, nobody's ever diagnosed me with heart 165 00:10:12,238 --> 00:10:15,865 failure. So he runs some tests, he leaves. We just happened to get there 166 00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:19,107 right as shift change was happening. So this new doctor comes in, 167 00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:23,120 and if I could sum her up in 2 words, 168 00:10:24,195 --> 00:10:27,903 it would be fucking delight. I want her 169 00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:31,194 to come be my friend. I want her to come hang out with me. 170 00:10:32,141 --> 00:10:35,898 I want her to tell me all of the inside tea about all of the 171 00:10:35,898 --> 00:10:39,495 hospital systems in our area, cuz I know she knows it. She kind of 172 00:10:39,511 --> 00:10:41,791 told me she does. She needs to be my friend. 173 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:46,191 Emergency room doctors, their jobs are to treat 'em and street 'em. Like, you are 174 00:10:46,191 --> 00:10:49,820 not supposed to be doing a complete medical history. You are not supposed to be 175 00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:53,208 making referrals to 7,000 different providers unless it's the emergent issue 176 00:10:53,818 --> 00:10:57,641 or the urgent issue. You should be working 177 00:10:57,898 --> 00:11:01,497 with the immediate problem in front of you and either sending them home or admitting 178 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:05,306 them to a hospital. That's their job. This doctor sat with my 179 00:11:05,306 --> 00:11:08,567 mother and talked through every single complaint she had, 180 00:11:08,583 --> 00:11:12,263 emergent or otherwise. She talked through every 181 00:11:13,083 --> 00:11:16,875 concern we had. We talked through every bad experience. We talked through all the 182 00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:20,297 things that, that I felt were being mismanaged, that I felt weren't being 183 00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:24,032 managed. She explained stuff to me that nobody has explained to me. 184 00:11:24,756 --> 00:11:28,605 My mom has no appetite. She hasn't eaten. She really doesn't eat at 185 00:11:28,685 --> 00:11:32,389 all for days and days on end and then is gaining weight. And 186 00:11:32,405 --> 00:11:36,221 she said, this sounds like heart failure. And also you have what's called a 187 00:11:36,269 --> 00:11:40,085 pleural effusion, which is fluid around the lungs. And if that's 188 00:11:40,198 --> 00:11:43,484 pressing on your stomach, it's making you feel full, 189 00:11:44,563 --> 00:11:47,688 and that's why you can't eat. And she went, oh, 190 00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:51,551 why are you the first person to explain this to me? She was like, I 191 00:11:51,551 --> 00:11:54,902 don't know. And I asked her, I said, is the pleural effusion new? She said, 192 00:11:54,918 --> 00:11:58,765 no, it was on the imaging before. I said, so they just didn't 193 00:11:58,765 --> 00:12:02,116 do anything about it? And she was like, there's, there's sometimes the right thing to 194 00:12:02,116 --> 00:12:05,274 do is to watch it, but then sometimes the right thing to do is to 195 00:12:05,739 --> 00:12:08,721 try to get the fluid off. And we definitely need to get the fluid off. 196 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,205 She said, and sometimes the right thing to do is to drain it, but I 197 00:12:11,205 --> 00:12:15,026 don't know that they're gonna drain it. So I said to her, so you're 198 00:12:15,123 --> 00:12:18,544 saying she has heart failure? And she said, yeah, I mean, she's had 199 00:12:18,576 --> 00:12:22,415 6 studies that confirm heart failure, and 200 00:12:22,495 --> 00:12:25,981 she was diagnosed with it 6 months ago. And I was like, 201 00:12:26,607 --> 00:12:30,446 wait, she has never been referred to a cardiologist? I'm here for 202 00:12:30,527 --> 00:12:34,350 all of this. She's never been referred to a cardiologist. She certainly is not 203 00:12:34,398 --> 00:12:37,739 on any medication for it because she already takes 18 medications. 204 00:12:38,429 --> 00:12:42,247 So somebody diagnosed her with heart failure and then nobody treated it? And 205 00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:45,953 she was trying to be politically savvy and she was like, well, I can't really 206 00:12:45,953 --> 00:12:48,857 speak to that, but it does look like she was diagnosed with heart failure and 207 00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:51,408 it does look like it needs to be treated. And I looked at her in 208 00:12:51,408 --> 00:12:54,905 the face and I said, I just want to be clear about this. She has 209 00:12:54,937 --> 00:12:58,098 been complaining of weight gain, severe 210 00:12:58,290 --> 00:13:01,788 fatigue, physical symptoms, poor 211 00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:05,415 appetite, inability to eat, low exercise 212 00:13:05,464 --> 00:13:09,190 tolerance. And you're telling me instead of diagnosing or treating 213 00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:12,917 the heart failure that had already been diagnosed, they just called her 214 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:16,146 fat? And she didn't really have much to say to that. And not because— I 215 00:13:16,211 --> 00:13:20,018 could tell she wanted to, but she was like, we know what to do now. 216 00:13:20,227 --> 00:13:22,701 She's like, we— I'm confident we know what to do now. And I was like, 217 00:13:22,781 --> 00:13:26,604 I'm confident too, because heart failure is super treatable. But she's been saying 218 00:13:26,653 --> 00:13:30,219 this for 6 months, and her— even her doctors who know her 219 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,607 exceptionally well And who have been her doctors for decades 220 00:13:34,282 --> 00:13:37,814 just told her to lose weight. And the reality is that her heart is literally 221 00:13:37,814 --> 00:13:41,299 failing. And I have not been quiet about this. I have been a squeaky wheel 222 00:13:41,347 --> 00:13:45,168 about this nonstop since it became apparent to me. Women could 223 00:13:45,265 --> 00:13:49,006 walk into a doctor's office with their arm 224 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:53,132 literally falling off, and the doctor would say, have 225 00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:56,568 you tried diet and exercise? It's really bad. 226 00:13:57,484 --> 00:14:01,273 And I say that as somebody, one, who knows what to look for, two, 227 00:14:01,337 --> 00:14:04,998 who has been fighting back against that for several months now just on behalf of 228 00:14:05,014 --> 00:14:08,129 my mom, not even globally fighting against it, which I also do, 229 00:14:09,044 --> 00:14:12,769 but three, like, knows how to find more resources. How 230 00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:16,093 many people out there are going to their doctor— and I know that it's a 231 00:14:16,093 --> 00:14:19,240 lot— how many people out there are going to their doctor with legitimate complaints and 232 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,836 just being told that if you diet and exercise, everything will be fine? You're just 233 00:14:22,836 --> 00:14:26,185 anxious. You're just being neurotic. She has 234 00:14:26,522 --> 00:14:29,790 actual heart failure. She could have died. 235 00:14:30,383 --> 00:14:33,460 She already couldn't breathe. She was already not getting oxygen 236 00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:37,642 because of this thing that everybody Spider-Man memed their way out of 237 00:14:37,674 --> 00:14:40,110 treating. They all thought that somebody else was doing it. 238 00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:44,885 Nobody was doing it. We are failing people in our 239 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,586 healthcare system in ways that I sit upright in the 240 00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:51,839 middle of the night trying to figure out how to fix, and I just don't 241 00:14:51,839 --> 00:14:55,428 freaking know how. This person, she has 10 doctors. 242 00:14:56,341 --> 00:14:59,529 She has easily seen 10 doctors this year, and 243 00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:03,631 everybody passed the buck to somebody else, and nobody referred her to a cardiologist. 244 00:15:04,496 --> 00:15:08,197 How does that happen? And if it's happening to her, how many other 245 00:15:08,197 --> 00:15:11,370 people is it happening to? Because I know it's happening to a lot. We have 246 00:15:11,386 --> 00:15:15,103 to do better. She could have died. She could have died, and it would have 247 00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:18,419 been someone's fault. It would not have been her body's fault. It would have been 248 00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:22,157 someone's fault. It's just not acceptable. I promise 249 00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:26,377 that women are more than just fat. It's not surprising, but there was a 250 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:30,067 moment about it that was, like, really devastating, because yesterday is when it 251 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:33,853 all came together for me. And of course, shit's coming together now 252 00:15:33,853 --> 00:15:37,463 that there are 2 women doctors who are running the show. There's good data that 253 00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:41,233 shows that women doctors have better outcomes and have lower mortality 254 00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:44,860 rates than male doctors by, like, a stretch of a lot. It's not a small 255 00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:48,344 margin. So 2 women doctors are finally kicking 256 00:15:48,441 --> 00:15:52,214 asses and taking names and getting things straightened out. But she 257 00:15:52,214 --> 00:15:54,542 was giving me some of the updates from some of the doctors that she talked 258 00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:58,219 to and what they said and what they were doing. And yes, it definitely is 259 00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:01,607 heart failure. And I finally text her later in the day because this felt like 260 00:16:01,607 --> 00:16:05,252 somebody punched me in the stomach. And I said, do you understand that what they're 261 00:16:05,252 --> 00:16:08,800 saying is you've had heart failure for 262 00:16:09,025 --> 00:16:12,327 6 months? Or longer, but we just thought you were fat? 263 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,846 That's basically what they're saying. That's what is happening. I'm not usually the 264 00:16:16,846 --> 00:16:20,563 reactive one. I'm usually the one that's like, okay, let's get all the information and 265 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,800 we'll make an assessment. And I was like, I'm gonna fight somebody. 266 00:16:24,537 --> 00:16:28,143 And my mom, who usually is the reactive one, like she is literally like a 267 00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:31,844 ticking time bomb all the time, was like, well, I'm just glad 268 00:16:31,844 --> 00:16:35,642 that they're figuring it out now. And I was like, do you have heart 269 00:16:35,674 --> 00:16:39,139 failure and dementia? Like, where— what just happened? She doesn't have dementia, 270 00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:42,270 but she was like, I'm just glad they're figuring it out. And I was like, 271 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,353 who is this Zen person who has replaced my 272 00:16:45,722 --> 00:16:49,528 borderline violent mother? I don't understand what's happening. I'm 273 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,241 so angry about it. But that, that was actually what— and I said to her, 274 00:16:52,274 --> 00:16:55,100 I was like, I'm actually really angry about this. And she was like, don't be 275 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,696 mad, it's a waste of your energy to be mad. I'm like, that, that has 276 00:16:58,793 --> 00:17:01,715 never been your philosophy before. You have never met a mad that you did not 277 00:17:01,715 --> 00:17:05,553 have time for. So I don't know what's happening here. But I said back 278 00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:08,171 to her, I was like, you just don't want me to go hit your primary 279 00:17:08,203 --> 00:17:10,579 care with my car. And she goes, I also do not want you to do 280 00:17:10,836 --> 00:17:14,562 that. You don't want me to fight with your internist. She's like, I do 281 00:17:14,562 --> 00:17:18,400 not want you to fight with my internist. That is correct. Yeah. Welcome 282 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,279 to the American healthcare system. And now 283 00:17:20,552 --> 00:17:24,230 we'll go to Alison, who has 284 00:17:24,904 --> 00:17:28,550 this week's Small Talk. All right. We've got a Small Talk from 285 00:17:28,678 --> 00:17:32,003 Brianna. And Brianna asks, what does joy 286 00:17:32,372 --> 00:17:35,970 feel like for you with ADHD? Because for 287 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:39,631 me, it's massive and loud and it takes up the whole room and people 288 00:17:39,663 --> 00:17:43,357 have always told me I'm too much or so extra. Lately, 289 00:17:43,373 --> 00:17:46,762 I've been wondering if the joy was never the problem, if 290 00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:51,146 maybe the problem was just people who couldn't hold it. What do you 291 00:17:51,146 --> 00:17:54,856 think? First, I wanna say I've never actually been diagnosed with ADHD. I've never 292 00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:58,352 been treated for it. I think. My brain probably has 293 00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:02,069 read a lot of those tendencies, but I think 294 00:18:02,694 --> 00:18:06,443 regardless what construct is around where you think your joy comes 295 00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:10,192 from, like, it doesn't matter where it comes from, it's your joy. People who think 296 00:18:10,224 --> 00:18:13,653 your joy is too much don't deserve your joy. We live in a world that 297 00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:17,514 has way too little joy, way too little. 298 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:21,343 If you turn on the news, it is constant and unrelenting 299 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:25,381 doom and gloom about people who just give zero shits about other 300 00:18:25,381 --> 00:18:29,197 people. About people who have no 301 00:18:29,389 --> 00:18:33,190 soul, who are bleeding us 302 00:18:34,104 --> 00:18:37,697 dry of everything good about our society, 303 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:41,674 who operate with no humanity. And joy is humanity 304 00:18:42,043 --> 00:18:45,828 at its most basic. And so if you have joy to 305 00:18:45,828 --> 00:18:49,548 share, share it. And if those people don't like it, let them 306 00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:53,333 go be miserable curmudgeons somewhere else. And let's find somebody 307 00:18:53,445 --> 00:18:56,444 who loves your joy as much as you do. You are not too much. They're 308 00:18:56,444 --> 00:19:00,261 not enough. You can't have too much joy unless 309 00:19:00,261 --> 00:19:04,093 you're like celebrating something awful. Don't 310 00:19:04,093 --> 00:19:07,717 celebrate something awful. If little things in life bring you intense 311 00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:11,485 amounts of joy, I am so jealous. I would love to 312 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:15,206 have that problem, and you should not darken that 313 00:19:15,318 --> 00:19:18,204 light for anybody. Find new people. Don't 314 00:19:19,102 --> 00:19:22,838 tamp down your joy. You have been born with a gift and a way 315 00:19:22,951 --> 00:19:24,924 of approaching the world that is 316 00:19:26,176 --> 00:19:29,948 special and magical and joyful. Those people can get bent. 317 00:19:30,574 --> 00:19:33,302 That's usually my advice. At the end of the day, that's usually my advice. Get 318 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:36,978 bent. Those people can get bent. Maybe instead of Small Talk, we 319 00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:40,813 should call this, like, The Ways That L2 Tells People to Get Bent. 320 00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:44,344 But those people can get bent. Please go get bent. Be as 321 00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:48,228 joyful as you have the capacity for and share it widely because 322 00:19:48,373 --> 00:19:52,152 other people deserve your Enjoy and get bent. Thanks for being here, 323 00:19:52,184 --> 00:19:53,543 guys. Have a good day. Love you mean it. 324 00:19:57,616 --> 00:20:00,084 I don't know why that's so satisfying to say, but it really is.