1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,090 We all search for that sense of inner balance, don't we? 2 00:00:03,510 --> 00:00:07,560 And when it comes to finding calm or managing stress, our breath 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,610 can be the first thing we turn to, although many of us, maybe even 4 00:00:11,610 --> 00:00:13,830 you are unaware of our breathing. 5 00:00:14,370 --> 00:00:17,670 You probably became aware of it now as I'm talking about it. 6 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:22,889 You might have heard the advice- breathe in to energize, breathe out to relax, 7 00:00:23,339 --> 00:00:29,219 or perhaps even followed a prescribed breathing method, like box breathing or 8 00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:34,619 a certain amount of seconds in and out, uh, balloon breathing, color breathing, 9 00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:37,259 I think, and whatever else is out there. 10 00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:38,549 And that's, that's fine. 11 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:44,249 But what if the most effective path to feeling settled and connecting with 12 00:00:44,249 --> 00:00:49,139 yourself in the present moment isn't about imposing a rhythm, but tuning into 13 00:00:49,139 --> 00:00:51,509 the one that your body naturally holds. 14 00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,689 In this episode, we explore this very idea. 15 00:00:54,839 --> 00:00:56,639 I want to convince you of two things. 16 00:00:57,374 --> 00:01:01,784 Number one, you'll shift your polyvagal state naturally and compassionately 17 00:01:02,204 --> 00:01:05,984 through connecting with the way your body already wants to breathe. 18 00:01:06,794 --> 00:01:10,124 And I also want to convince you that if you don't, you're 19 00:01:10,124 --> 00:01:12,164 fundamentally rejecting your body. 20 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:17,834 It's needs and actual long lasting self-regulation. 21 00:01:17,931 --> 00:01:19,346 Hi, I am Justin Sunseri. 22 00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:22,126 I'm a therapist and coach who wants to help you live more 23 00:01:22,126 --> 00:01:27,466 calmly, confidently, and connected without psychobabble or woowoo. 24 00:01:27,556 --> 00:01:29,236 Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. 25 00:01:29,286 --> 00:01:32,856 This podcast is of course not therapy, nor is it intended to replace therapy. 26 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,306 What you're gonna listen to is a clip from a live q and a that I 27 00:01:36,306 --> 00:01:38,646 hold within the Unstuck Academy. 28 00:01:39,156 --> 00:01:43,716 I've removed as much of the students', uh, voices as I can, and I've 29 00:01:43,716 --> 00:01:46,686 replaced them with ai, uh, voices. 30 00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:51,356 Correct me if I'm wrong, but the in breath stimulates the sympathetic and the out 31 00:01:51,386 --> 00:01:53,376 breath stimulates the parasympathetic? 32 00:01:53,926 --> 00:01:58,016 So, obviously, in the simplest form, you breathe in for two and 33 00:01:58,016 --> 00:02:02,526 out for four; or you breathe in for three and you breathe out for six? 34 00:02:02,851 --> 00:02:07,711 I, I personally don't like the prescribed breathing, the counting the in for 35 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,661 two out for two or four or whatever. 36 00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:11,311 I don't care for that. 37 00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:17,941 Um, I would much prefer people mindfully connect with their breath as it is. 38 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,596 There is value to extending your exhale. 39 00:02:20,911 --> 00:02:25,261 I like that, but I don't, I personally don't recommend counting or having 40 00:02:25,261 --> 00:02:26,611 it be for a certain amount of time. 41 00:02:26,611 --> 00:02:29,341 I'd rather people focus on comfort level. 42 00:02:30,031 --> 00:02:32,071 Um, versus time. 43 00:02:32,161 --> 00:02:38,161 Actually, I just met with someone right before this, and she was 44 00:02:38,161 --> 00:02:39,331 doing the prescribed breathing. 45 00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:42,571 She was counting, and, you know, that's fine. 46 00:02:42,571 --> 00:02:48,001 But I told her, well, why don't you just ex extend your exhale, but just, you 47 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,561 know, don't count and don't count out. 48 00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:51,661 Just focus more on comfort. 49 00:02:52,276 --> 00:02:54,226 She tried that and she's like, I liked it a lot more. 50 00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:54,796 Okay. 51 00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:56,236 I felt like I got more out of it. 52 00:02:56,296 --> 00:02:59,926 Just, just feeling it and being, and you know, breathing out. 53 00:02:59,926 --> 00:03:01,426 She said, I felt like I got more out of it. 54 00:03:01,936 --> 00:03:03,016 It was, I was more focused. 55 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:06,256 I was more mindful because otherwise you're counting and that's not, 56 00:03:06,256 --> 00:03:09,916 I think that's counterintuitive to the mindfulness piece of it. 57 00:03:09,986 --> 00:03:14,566 I know there's a lot of prescriptive breathing out there to relax. 58 00:03:14,566 --> 00:03:19,336 Sometimes it's to like amp up, you know, speed up your, or extend your 59 00:03:19,336 --> 00:03:21,916 inhale and decrease your exhale. 60 00:03:21,916 --> 00:03:24,376 It's just, to me, that's very artificial. 61 00:03:24,556 --> 00:03:29,146 Um, in one of the courses that I, the Stillness to Sympathetic- 62 00:03:29,746 --> 00:03:34,126 in that course I talk about something called, uh, induction. 63 00:03:34,636 --> 00:03:38,986 How do we mobilizing through induction, like forcing yourself to mobilize. 64 00:03:39,676 --> 00:03:43,096 And that would be one of those ways is through prescribed breathing through, 65 00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:46,666 um, longer inhales or more rapid inhales. 66 00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:48,046 But I, I don't like that stuff. 67 00:03:48,182 --> 00:03:52,502 I'd rather people feel connect with their natural state and their natural breath. 68 00:03:53,672 --> 00:03:59,072 The only really prescribed breathing I'll give is mindfully maybe, maybe 69 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:04,742 take a deeper breath in once mindfully, if the body wants to, but you have 70 00:04:04,742 --> 00:04:05,902 to connect with what the body wants. 71 00:04:06,602 --> 00:04:08,122 Mindfully extend the exhale. 72 00:04:08,687 --> 00:04:11,777 Maybe, you know, but not two seconds in, four seconds. 73 00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,547 Box box breathing, color breathing. 74 00:04:13,877 --> 00:04:16,097 I'd rather we get out of our heads and more connect with 75 00:04:16,097 --> 00:04:17,117 what's happening bottom up. 76 00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:21,032 I feel like I am fairly in touch with my body and the present moment. 77 00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:25,272 But if I can change my state through induction, that is something I am open to. 78 00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,652 I'd rather not wallow in my shutdown. 79 00:04:28,007 --> 00:04:30,377 Well, you said in order to change my state. 80 00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:33,587 Why do you wanna change your state? 81 00:04:34,217 --> 00:04:35,777 And what's the, so what what's the point? 82 00:04:35,837 --> 00:04:37,697 Is it because I don't like it and I wanna get rid of it? 83 00:04:39,527 --> 00:04:42,887 If, and if that's the case, the way I think and the way I'm teaching in 84 00:04:42,887 --> 00:04:46,817 the coursework is you're fundamentally rejecting the natural state of your body. 85 00:04:47,777 --> 00:04:51,317 And if you're doing that, I don't think natural self-regulation can occur. 86 00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:52,067 You can induce it. 87 00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:57,017 You can force some level of shifting, but that's not sustainable, I don't think. 88 00:04:57,317 --> 00:05:01,697 And that's not a natural, mindful, compassionate connection with yourself. 89 00:05:03,752 --> 00:05:08,162 What I would argue is that when we bring mindful connection to our breath from our 90 00:05:08,162 --> 00:05:10,232 safety state, it will change naturally. 91 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,772 It will naturally, through self-regulation. 92 00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:19,352 Your body knows more than your brain does. 93 00:05:20,642 --> 00:05:23,822 So our brain might say, "Well, I don't like my state. I don't want to feel 94 00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:25,022 this way," and I don't blame anybody. 95 00:05:25,022 --> 00:05:25,472 Of course not. 96 00:05:25,472 --> 00:05:28,352 I don't like, it doesn't feel good to be in shutdown or what- right? 97 00:05:28,352 --> 00:05:28,892 It doesn't feel good. 98 00:05:30,212 --> 00:05:35,312 So our brain, our conscious mind is saying, "No, I feel this way. I don't want 99 00:05:35,312 --> 00:05:41,087 to feel this way, so I'm gonna change my breath or drink an energy drink or I don't 100 00:05:41,087 --> 00:05:45,317 know, put some sort of time constraint on myself in order to induce mobility 101 00:05:45,317 --> 00:05:50,957 or to induce, induce a, a state shift." So that's our conscious plan, right? 102 00:05:51,377 --> 00:05:53,897 But our body is really just like, "No, just feel me. 103 00:05:53,897 --> 00:05:55,877 Pay attention to me and I'll take care of the rest. 104 00:05:55,942 --> 00:05:57,167 I, I can self-regulate. 105 00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,597 I just, I need you to stay in your safety state." Right? 106 00:06:00,107 --> 00:06:01,847 I'm mixing up my personas here. 107 00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,907 Your, the body's saying, "I, I, I just need you to bring attention to what I'm 108 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:09,542 going through and I'll take care of the rest." That, that's really the shift 109 00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:12,332 that I think needs to take place as far as how we think about these things. 110 00:06:13,562 --> 00:06:19,232 Because what- path A, when we're changing our breath, or you know, putting all 111 00:06:19,232 --> 00:06:25,622 these pressures on ourselves or whatever, that is fundamentally rejecting the 112 00:06:25,622 --> 00:06:29,312 natural state of our body, which to me is the opposite of self-regulation. 113 00:06:30,902 --> 00:06:35,702 Path B, which I'm laying out and try and teach, is let's truly connect with the 114 00:06:35,702 --> 00:06:38,297 state of our body and see what happens. 115 00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:40,397 And what's gonna happen is it's gonna self-regulate. 116 00:06:40,397 --> 00:06:40,847 It has to. 117 00:06:41,147 --> 00:06:45,467 That's, that's the natural compulsion of every living organism is self-regulation. 118 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,647 I think our conscious mind gets in the way. 119 00:06:48,647 --> 00:06:51,077 So trauma means we're stuck in a defensive state. 120 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:52,787 Not completely, not a hundred percent. 121 00:06:53,597 --> 00:06:57,137 Um, obviously, obviously, you know, more severe at times, but there's 122 00:06:57,137 --> 00:07:00,557 always some level of access to all these states at any given moment. 123 00:07:00,557 --> 00:07:02,747 It's never a hundred percent in any specific moment. 124 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,450 So even though we might be in a stuck defensive state, the body is 125 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:08,300 still compelled to self-regulate. 126 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,590 The, the natural compulsion. 127 00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:13,130 It's, it's a homeostatic biological thing. 128 00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:17,630 It has to self-regulate in order to optimally function. 129 00:07:18,110 --> 00:07:18,260 Okay? 130 00:07:20,755 --> 00:07:24,230 The more that we can get outta the way consciously and allow 131 00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:25,850 that to happen, the better. 132 00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:29,483 Even though we may be in a traumatized state, stuck in like shutdown, 133 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:34,553 maybe- the body still has a natural compulsion to self-regulate. 134 00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:37,703 It wants to, it needs to, but we do things like scroll on 135 00:07:37,703 --> 00:07:39,203 our phone and we distract it. 136 00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:44,363 We use drugs, we drink, we stay out late at night, we overeat, we undereat, 137 00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:48,143 and the body's like, just stop doing all that stuff so I can self-regulate. 138 00:07:49,253 --> 00:07:55,793 So the sooner we can get closer to cutting out all that noise, then the 139 00:07:55,793 --> 00:08:00,593 body can say, "fricking finally, thank you," and it can do what it needs to do. 140 00:08:00,712 --> 00:08:03,322 The problem is it's very uncomfortable. 141 00:08:03,322 --> 00:08:06,862 It's not easy, it's uncomfortable, and it requires a lot of safety activation. 142 00:08:08,002 --> 00:08:11,872 But once we can get those pieces in place, the self-regulation will happen. 143 00:08:11,902 --> 00:08:14,662 The coming out of defensive activation will happen. 144 00:08:14,692 --> 00:08:18,032 I tend to do better with productive means of shifting state like through 145 00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:19,622 induction versus the passive. 146 00:08:20,003 --> 00:08:24,053 If it's true induction, like you're forcing it, then that's, I don't think 147 00:08:24,053 --> 00:08:29,873 it's sustainable and it inherently rejects the fundamental need of our body. 148 00:08:31,083 --> 00:08:34,533 There's some level of fundamentally rejecting, "I don't want this, 149 00:08:34,533 --> 00:08:37,263 I don't want this experience, I don't wanna feel it, I don't wanna 150 00:08:37,263 --> 00:08:38,133 connect with it. I'm tired of it." 151 00:08:39,273 --> 00:08:39,543 Okay. 152 00:08:39,543 --> 00:08:40,173 So there's that. 153 00:08:42,993 --> 00:08:47,613 And then you said, you do better with, um, productive. 154 00:08:47,973 --> 00:08:49,263 So that's totally fine. 155 00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:49,983 Nothing wrong with that at all. 156 00:08:49,983 --> 00:08:50,463 That's great. 157 00:08:50,733 --> 00:08:51,093 Love it. 158 00:08:52,473 --> 00:08:54,843 Again, in my client work, my question would be, "Okay, well, what does 159 00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:59,063 productive feel like? What is, what's that urgency? What does that feel like?" Can 160 00:08:59,063 --> 00:09:02,123 we connect mindfully with that instead of acting on it and doing something to 161 00:09:02,123 --> 00:09:06,623 feel differently, can we just pause and feel that urgency or that pressure or 162 00:09:07,343 --> 00:09:08,903 that antsiness or that, whatever that is. 163 00:09:08,953 --> 00:09:14,083 That feeling of like, no, I gotta do something- that could be one's 164 00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,273 body coming out of shutdown. 165 00:09:17,113 --> 00:09:19,393 And now there's some sympathetic activation coming in the system. 166 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,233 So we wanna feel that. 167 00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:22,213 We want to feel that pow, you know, mindfully. 168 00:09:22,873 --> 00:09:27,613 We want to connect with that and then use it in a way that feels 169 00:09:27,613 --> 00:09:32,293 good for the body versus doing something to feel differently. 170 00:09:32,938 --> 00:09:36,178 That feeling of like, I want to, I got, I gotta do something. 171 00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:38,068 I wanna do something like that's a gold mine. 172 00:09:39,148 --> 00:09:45,928 There's a lot there to connect with if you mindfully, patiently feel into it and just 173 00:09:45,928 --> 00:09:47,068 feel, where does that live in the body? 174 00:09:47,068 --> 00:09:49,258 And all the coursework stuff. 175 00:09:49,978 --> 00:09:50,248 Okay. 176 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:56,358 What would happen potentially is if you can, generally, if you could feel that 177 00:09:57,738 --> 00:10:05,178 that rising, um, activation, we'll call it mobilization energy, if you could feel it, 178 00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:07,788 it may not tell you to change your breath. 179 00:10:07,788 --> 00:10:13,908 It may tell you to pull or to push or to squeeze. 180 00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,953 Or to run or sprint or do squats. 181 00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:17,523 I don't know. 182 00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,373 It may tell you like, "no, no, we need to move. 183 00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:24,573 We need to use, let's use our muscles." Instead of breathing differently 184 00:10:24,573 --> 00:10:29,313 or distracting ourselves with some project or whatever, your body might 185 00:10:29,313 --> 00:10:31,893 say, "No, this is what we need. 186 00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,983 Please do this so we can release all this activation that's coming 187 00:10:34,983 --> 00:10:40,773 up within us." But we won't know that until we stop rejecting how we 188 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,783 feel and we deeply feel how we feel. 189 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,143 Then the body will tell you, tell us what it needs. 190 00:10:48,403 --> 00:10:50,953 You'll probably find that as you go through the coursework, it's, it's 191 00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:54,643 probably very different than the other stuff you've, I don't know where, 192 00:10:54,648 --> 00:10:58,963 where else you're taking in, but I keep hearing from people and from my 193 00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:02,983 own little, you know, as I learn and read and whatnot, what, what we're 194 00:11:02,983 --> 00:11:05,788 doing here is very different than I think what other people are getting. 195 00:11:05,848 --> 00:11:09,858 Can you discuss how to create the optimal conditions for the body to self-regulate? 196 00:11:10,343 --> 00:11:11,453 So the optimal conditions. 197 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:14,783 I want to, I want to compartment- I want to split something up here. 198 00:11:15,293 --> 00:11:18,923 What I'm not talking about is how do we force ourselves to feel better. 199 00:11:18,923 --> 00:11:19,879 That that's not okay? 200 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,889 The optimal way of creating conditions for self-regulation 201 00:11:23,919 --> 00:11:25,329 depends on what state you're in. 202 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:27,759 That's why you gotta really connect with the state that you're in. 203 00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:34,959 So if I'm in shutdown, I will do better with, this is my, my body in particular. 204 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:41,099 But typically people in shutdown want lower stimulation, quiet, 205 00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:47,574 um, lights usually down or maybe natural lighting, sunlight. 206 00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,598 Pieces like that in general. 207 00:11:50,658 --> 00:11:52,428 Lower stimulation in general. 208 00:11:52,458 --> 00:11:57,138 Now, someone in particular like me, I like the scent of, uh, coconut. 209 00:11:57,933 --> 00:11:59,313 That does something for my body. 210 00:11:59,313 --> 00:12:00,843 It just feels, it brings me to life. 211 00:12:00,843 --> 00:12:01,953 It, it's exciting. 212 00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:06,363 Whereas the next person might say, "That doesn't speak to me at all." So there's 213 00:12:06,513 --> 00:12:11,883 general conditions like lower stimulation for shutdown and then more specific 214 00:12:11,883 --> 00:12:14,013 things for each of us as individuals. 215 00:12:14,073 --> 00:12:16,143 But we have to listen to what our body needs. 216 00:12:16,863 --> 00:12:18,843 We have to be mindful of, of the needs of our body. 217 00:12:19,443 --> 00:12:23,283 So if we can create that around us, that creates the external conditions 218 00:12:23,283 --> 00:12:29,583 now that helps us get closer to feeling what it's like to be in shutdown without 219 00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,203 forcing it, without trying to change it. 220 00:12:31,203 --> 00:12:35,103 It's just listening to what do I need, giving it to ourselves, and then 221 00:12:35,103 --> 00:12:37,503 looking back away inward and saying, okay, well now how do I feel now? 222 00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:38,673 What's happening now? 223 00:12:40,323 --> 00:12:42,813 Okay, so for someone in flight fight, they're not gonna want 224 00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,223 probably lower stimulation. 225 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:45,393 They want more stimulation. 226 00:12:46,053 --> 00:12:49,233 They might want more instead of a close closed um. 227 00:12:51,513 --> 00:12:54,243 A cozy space, they're gonna want probably more space. 228 00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:58,353 They're probably gonna want natural sunlight and, and being outside and 229 00:12:58,353 --> 00:13:03,693 green and, uh, pathways and, you know, things to walk down, space to 230 00:13:03,693 --> 00:13:07,383 run, space to walk that for someone in flight fight, they want that. 231 00:13:07,383 --> 00:13:10,533 They don't want a closed room with the lights turned down. 232 00:13:10,533 --> 00:13:11,853 That doesn't speak to their system. 233 00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,813 So to create this what they need, they would listen to 234 00:13:15,813 --> 00:13:17,373 their body and then give it. 235 00:13:17,718 --> 00:13:21,558 So when people that I meet with say, "I wake up every morning, I 236 00:13:21,558 --> 00:13:25,488 feel anxious." I say, "okay, well what do you do with that anxiety?" 237 00:13:25,488 --> 00:13:28,638 They say, "Well, I, I listen to a meditation to try and slow down, or 238 00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:31,008 I'll drink some tea." And I'm like, "but that's not what your body wants. 239 00:13:31,008 --> 00:13:31,968 Your body wants movement. 240 00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:33,888 You, you wake up, ready to move. 241 00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:36,858 Why are you doing the opposite?" "Well, 'cause I'm supposed to feel better. 242 00:13:36,863 --> 00:13:38,148 I'm, I'm supposed to feel safe. 243 00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:38,898 I'm supposed to feel calm." 244 00:13:38,898 --> 00:13:43,533 It's like, "okay, but you don't. You don't feel that way." So instead of 245 00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:46,113 giving yourself the opposite, what happens if you got up and the first 246 00:13:46,113 --> 00:13:47,343 thing you did was go for a walk? 247 00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:49,113 Actually, someone recently wakes up. 248 00:13:49,113 --> 00:13:52,293 He, I just talked to him last week and he wakes up with a lot 249 00:13:52,293 --> 00:13:57,933 of anxiety and, uh, I said, well, what if you, we were brainstorming. 250 00:13:57,933 --> 00:14:00,483 I said, "what if you, when you're making your eggs in the morning, what 251 00:14:00,483 --> 00:14:04,023 if you stood on your toes?" 'Cause that way it's like you're still flexing 252 00:14:04,023 --> 00:14:06,333 your muscles and you're giving your body a little bit more movement. 253 00:14:06,918 --> 00:14:08,808 But now you're, you can cook mindfully as well. 254 00:14:08,808 --> 00:14:13,068 Or what if you stood up instead of sitting down to eat your breakfast? 255 00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:18,198 Um, what if you tensed and released your, your leg muscles while you eat? 256 00:14:18,918 --> 00:14:21,738 What if you listened to the needs of your body and used your anxiety, 257 00:14:21,738 --> 00:14:23,298 your energy, your mobilization? 258 00:14:24,408 --> 00:14:27,738 What if you used it instead of ignoring it or try to stuff it down and feel better? 259 00:14:27,984 --> 00:14:29,584 That seems counterintuitive. 260 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:33,844 I would call that "anti-logical." That's the opposite of what we typically do. 261 00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:41,643 I fundamentally believe that the typical wisdom we bring to these things, the cul 262 00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:47,103 cultural maybe way of doing things is, is wrong, is fundamentally wrong, and 263 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:52,053 probably has a lot to do with why there's such rampant, um, mental health problems. 264 00:14:52,773 --> 00:14:53,013 Hmm. 265 00:14:54,183 --> 00:14:56,943 I really believe that we are fundamentally doing things wrong. 266 00:14:57,303 --> 00:15:02,283 And instead, what if we just listened to what our body needs and provided it? 267 00:15:02,283 --> 00:15:04,503 Thank you so much for joining me on Stuck Not Broken. 268 00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,063 I've got a little challenge for you. 269 00:15:06,453 --> 00:15:10,083 Try to trust the wisdom that your body already has. 270 00:15:10,304 --> 00:15:14,744 Maybe I didn't convince you from this clip, and that's fine, but as you 271 00:15:14,744 --> 00:15:19,574 practice mindfulness and meditation, can you set aside the pressure to 272 00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:24,824 count, to measure, or to force your breathing to feel something other 273 00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:26,324 than what you're already feeling? 274 00:15:27,479 --> 00:15:33,419 Maybe today or, or in some quiet moment, you can pause and simply ask, 275 00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:36,389 what does my body need right now? 276 00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:39,029 And the answer might not be what you expect. 277 00:15:39,029 --> 00:15:44,189 It might not be a longer exhale, but a, a gentle stretch, a moment 278 00:15:44,189 --> 00:15:46,889 of stillness or a walk outside. 279 00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:51,329 Maybe it's a bigger breath, maybe it's a breath into the belly or the chest. 280 00:15:52,289 --> 00:15:55,349 Just be as open as you can to what the answer is. 281 00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:59,834 And if you want to keep rejecting your body's needs and force a certain 282 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,064 way of breathing, that is up to you. 283 00:16:01,064 --> 00:16:01,814 I'll respect that. 284 00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:06,764 I don't know what your favorite gurus are telling you, but when it comes to 285 00:16:06,764 --> 00:16:12,164 unstucking and the way that we do things here, remember the goal isn't to fix. 286 00:16:12,164 --> 00:16:17,474 You're not broken, but to connect and listen, and to allow your own 287 00:16:17,474 --> 00:16:21,224 system to guide you back to its natural state of safety and balance. 288 00:16:21,465 --> 00:16:25,195 If you want to join me and the other students inside the Unstucking 289 00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:29,895 Academy for a live q and a or one of our other live events, uh, you 290 00:16:29,895 --> 00:16:32,325 may, I would love to see you there. 291 00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:38,300 The Unstucking Academy has courses, it has live events, it's got community. 292 00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:43,530 All of which help you do the things that we talked about in this episode. 293 00:16:43,530 --> 00:16:46,830 All of all of these things help you connect with yourself without judgment 294 00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:51,840 in the present moment, without trying to force yourself to feel a different way. 295 00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:55,800 We work on self-regulating by truly connecting to the present 296 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,180 moment and whatever it brings. 297 00:16:57,930 --> 00:17:00,990 The Unstucking Academy is a wonderful little community, and I 298 00:17:00,990 --> 00:17:05,580 say little because, well, what is, but it's also small on purpose. 299 00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:10,560 There's a limit of 150 people in the Unstucking Academy, so there's not 300 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,950 gonna be thousands of people pouring in and out and saying whatever comes 301 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:16,410 to their mind and sharing trauma stories, we don't- we don't do that. 302 00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:20,820 It's a much calmer, slower paced, smaller community, and I would 303 00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:21,750 love for you to be a part of it. 304 00:17:22,230 --> 00:17:27,440 Head over to JustinLMFT.com/unstuckacademy, 305 00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:32,880 JustinLMFT.com/unstuckingacademy and you can learn more. 306 00:17:33,024 --> 00:17:36,924 And I really hope that you are one of the 150 people.