Welcome to Love Notes from Rhonda and before Fearless Living.

I never asked myself if I was afraid because I didn't think I was.

Even though my life looked like hell, even though I made a lot of poor decisions, even though I was riddled with guilt and shame and blamed everyone else for my problems, I actually didn't think I was afraid.

I know, right?

But I didn't equate that with fear.

I equated that with it's everybody else's fault.

Look at the life I was born into.

Look at what happened to me.

Look at the situation I'm in, look at the family I grew up with.

And I could give you all the reasons that I was the way I was.

Well, my parents died.

I was the witness.

Oh my God.

Nobody was there for us afterwards.

I was all alone.

La la la la la la la la la.

I could go on and on and on and on about why I was the.

Then it hit me.

I could decide who I was.

I could actually decide who I was now.

This was mind blowing to me.

This was unbelievable.

This is mind numbing, blowing, crazy thought.

Right?

I'd heard like, well, you can become who you want to become and you can be who you want to be, right?

I'd heard all of those cliches and all of those mantras and phrases and that all sounded nice.

But I would always say, well, you don't know.

You don't know me.

You don't know what I've gone through.

This is the reason I'm this way.

And then.

I remember so distinctly asking myself.

Well, what if you could decide who you want to be?

What if you could decide who you want to be?

What if you could decide who you want to be?

Sure, you've had those experiences in the past, but that is not the result of those, is not who you want to be.

You don't want to be the blamer, shamer, victim.

That's not who you want to be.

That's who you've been.

That's who you thought you were, but that's not who you want to be.

I didn't even know how to be who I wanted to be.

I had no even concept of who I wanted to be.

I just knew I wanted to be better than I was.

I wanted to be healthier than I was.

I wanted to be more brave than I was.

I wanted to be happier than I was.

I wanted to be more loving than I was.

I wanted to have more love than I had.

I wanted to have more security.

I wanted to have Lots of things.

I just knew I didn't want to be who I had been.

So I asked myself.

Rhonda, you can decide who you want to be.

Like I said, I remember the first time that thought went through my head and I remember wrestling with it, like what?

I mean, I remember just going, what do you mean I can decide?

It was just so mind boggling, the concept that I could decide.

It's probably one of the reasons that you hear me say over and over again, you can decide.

You decide.

You decide.

You decide.

You're always deciding.

You are always deciding to stay the same, to speak up, to be different, to change.

You're deciding every single moment of every single day who you are, each and every moment.

But it took me recognizing and realizing that maybe.

Just maybe I could decide who I wanted to be.

Like I said, it was mind blowing concept.

And it took me a while to really get it in my head and wrap my head around what it was that I could really decide how I wanted to show up.

I could really decide what I said.

I could really decide how I responded.

I could really decide what I wanted to do with my life.

I could really decide my relationships.

I could really decide.

I could decide.

I could decide.

I could decide.

I didn't know I had that choice and I did not know I had that power.

But I do now.

And I know you have it too.

You have the power to decide who you're going to be.

You have the power to decide how you're going to show up.

You have the power to decide what you even think about the past events in your life.

You have the power to decide what story you tell yourself about it and what story you tell others.

You decide whether you stay a victim or not.

You decide whether you keep blaming and shaming.

You decide to beat yourself up or not.

You decide to do that.

You decide.

It's in your hands.

You have all the power.

You decide.

You decide.

You have so much power.

So what are you going to decide?

Who are you going to decide to be?

Who are you going to decide to be?

Think about it and then do it.

Start practicing every single day.

And then eventually, sooner than you think actually.

You will actually become that person.

And that's the most surprising thing of all.

You decided your way into being.

You decided your way into being.

So start now.

Decide.

Until next time, be fearless.

Oh, I so, so love.

Sam.