Welcome to the Mindful Dog Parent.

This is the podcast for overwhelmed and anxious dog owners who love their dogs deeply but often feel like they're getting it all wrong.

I'm Sian Lawley Rudd, ethical dog trainer, trauma informed coach and creator of Nervous System Aware Dog Parenting.

Each week I help you understand your dog's behaviour through a calm, gentle, science backed lens.

One that focuses on nervous system regulation.

Emotional well being and the real life.

Challenges that make dog training feel so hard.

Here you'll find compassionate support, simple tools and honest conversations that help both you.

And your dog feel safer, calmer and more connected.

If you've ever felt guilty, triggered, exhausted or stuck, you're not failing.

You're just carrying too much alone and you're not alone anymore.

Let's take a breath and get stuck in.

If you're listening to this in mid December, there is a good chance this things already feel a bit much.

Maybe your routine's gone out the window.

Maybe your dog feels more on edge, maybe you're snapping more quickly and then you're feeling guilty more often.

Or you're actually quietly worrying that all the progress that you've made up until now is going to go out the window and it's about to unravel.

And if that's you, I always try and remind everybody in every episode at some point that you're not failing, nothing's going wrong, and you don't need to push through the season to be a good dog parent.

I really want you to know that that is how I genuinely feel.

If you don't feel that yourself, I can feel that on your behalf and for you right now.

Today's episode isn't about training plans.

It's not about festive routines or how to make your dog cope perfectly at Christmas.

Because I've recorded the last two episodes in December that I think are going to help with some of that already.

I'll put the links in the show notes for those episodes so that you can go back and revisit them if you haven't already listened to them.

This episode is all about protecting your calm and your dogs when everything around you just feels louder, busier and more demanding than normal.

And I think that is what we all need right now because that is.

That is the theme that I'm getting from friends and family members.

It's just a lot and it's just so busy and there's so much pressure on us to do all the things.

There's just no time.

I keep hearing I haven't got any time I haven't got time to do this.

I haven't got time at the weekend.

And there's.

It's just time.

It's just been filled and filled and filled.

Part of it is because of the darker mornings and darker evenings.

So it feels like you have less.

You do have less time, but then there's still also all the added things that you've got to do.

So December is a lot.

There's the more decisions to make because you've got all the things that you need to do and have people coming over and all that kind of stuff.

There's more expectations to carry, there's more noise, more people, more disruption.

And I think on top of all of that, there's more emotion.

So you're going like at a deeper level.

There's more emotion around this time of year.

Even if Christmas is something that you enjoy, like me, it still makes your nervous system feel like there is a lot of pressure.

And the thing that I see so often with dog parents is this quiet belief that because it's a nice time of year, we should be coping better.

Because Christmas is something that we look forward to.

There's a build up to it for a good couple of months.

And I think that's kind of got earlier and earlier as the years have gone on.

So it used to kind of start in December and now it kind of starts in September, October.

So, you know, there's a build up to it.

So because it's that nice time of year, we should be coping better because we should be enjoying it.

But your nervous system doesn't know that it's Christmas, you know, in your mind.

But your nervous system's not been created to have that kind of understanding.

It's created to keep you safe.

So it just knows that there's more stimulation and less space to recover.

Right now the same is true for your dog.

So there might be, because you're going to different places and visiting and you may be going to kind of illuminated walks outside where they've got all the lights up somewhere.

Dogs are generally allowed at those places and you're kind of taking them out and doing more stuff like that with them.

So there's different smells, different people, different routines because you're doing different things at the weekends than you would normally.

Different energy in the house, there's more busyness and all of that kind of stuff.

So if your dog's feeling more unsettled and maybe more reactive, more clingy, more shut down, or you've just noticed that they're not Themselves right now, that's not necessarily regression, it's a nervous system responding to overload just like yours.

So you're feeling that pressure, as are they.

So what makes this season particularly hard isn't just the changes, it's that pressure that's layered on top that I've mentioned.

So there's pressure to have guests over or go and visit.

They might be further away than just down the road.

You know, you might have to plan ahead and take all the Christmas presents or they're doing the same for you.

So there's lots of planning involved.

So there's pressure there keeping your dog calm and well behaved.

There's pressure to do that definitely from family members and friends visiting or when you go to them, managing everyone else's expectations.

So that is, I think that's a year round pressure.

But at this time of year I feel like it does compound a pressure to prove that training's worked.

So all the things that you've been doing up to this point, people are seeing your dog more now and you want to be able to prove that all the things that you've been doing worked.

There's pressure to not inconvenience anyone.

So if your dog isn't behaving the way you'd expect or wanted, you don't want, you don't want to inconvenience people.

You don't want to have to kind of say, well, can you come and look after my dog?

Because xyz, like whatever it is, there's an inconvenience factor there that I think we need to consider as well, that we are putting pressure on ourselves not to do that and then there's pressure to not need too much space.

So you're thinking, you know, I want to be able to go out and take my dogs to these enjoyable walks and go and see the illuminations and these dog friendly places.

But I don't want to, you know, if they're reactive, I don't want to have to add too much space.

And what if it's busy and you can see where I'm going with all of that.

So underneath all that there's a lot there and underneath all of that there's often that quite fear that what if the progress disappears?

So what if what we've been doing up until now just, just goes away?

But progress doesn't disappear just because of a few hard weeks.

So it's still there.

And underneath it all there is that progress that you had made.

There may be a few steps back because of, you know, there Being more people out and about in the places that you're visiting.

But it doesn't mean the progress has disappeared completely.

What actually matters, I think, in this season is how safe your nervous system feels and how safe your dog feels during the disruption.

That's what this episode is all about.

And that's why I wanted to record this episode today, because I feel like we need it.

We all need it as dog parents.

Safety doesn't come from perfection.

It comes from having the capacity to cope.

So that resilience and the ability to cope when there is more stuff going on around us.

So that's what I want you to consider.

Things don't have to look perfect.

I know that you will be feeling the pressure from your guests, whoever they are.

You will be feeling the pressure from anyone that you visit with your dog because you're thinking, oh, they might not cope in this situation as well, and all of those things.

So do listen to the previous two episodes because it definitely give you some really good tips on how to manage this time of year and how to set things up for success for you and your dog.

But this episode is all about coming at it from a more emotional kind of point to help you with your nervous system.

So one of the most helpful shifts that you can make this time of year is redefining what calm actually means.

So you kind of think, well, calm is calm.

You know, calm is.

If anyone's watching on YouTube, calm is what Bonnie is doing right behind me now.

She's fast asleep.

She looks super chill.

She's just asleep on the sof.

Like, if that is your definition of calm, we just want to reframe it a little bit.

So, yes, she's super calm, but it's actually kind of reframing it in a way that helps you at this time of year.

So Christmas calm doesn't mean your dog lying quietly while the chaos is happening around them.

So say we're in the room that we're in now in my room, and I'd got visitors and I've got children in the house, more than one child.

And they were running around.

It was Christmas Day.

They were opening all their presents.

So all the things were happening and they were running around and there was noise from the toys that they'd got from other people that you didn't know that they were going to get.

So you might, you know, you might have somebody who's bought your child an instrument or I've seen the DJ sets for toddlers, which is so funny.

But they're nois and it's that kind of stuff that we don't need to expect, that our dogs can lie quietly when all that's happening around them, like in the room that they're in.

If Bonnie was in here while all that was happening, she wouldn't probably be laid behind me like she is right now.

She would be moving around.

She'd be kind of listening.

She'd be a bit more on edge, that kind of stuff.

So that isn't what we should expect.

Calm also doesn't mean you never feeling overwhelmed.

It's an impossible task to just expect ourselves not to feel overwhelmed.

And it doesn't mean everything runs smoothly.

There will potentially be blips.

There will be things, you know, timings might be off.

People might arrive later because of traffic, Christmas traffic, or road closures and that kind of thing.

Or flooding.

Like it's pouring down frame right now.

Pretty sure there will be flooding at some point if the rain carries on as it is.

And all of those things are gonna.

They're out of our control and they're gonna potentially impact the timings of the things that we planned.

We might leave later if we're visiting people and we've got, you know, our arrival time is later than we'd wanted and all that kind of stuff.

So it doesn't mean everything runs smoothly.

Calm actually means at Christmas, you notice when things are tipping into too much.

So in that scenario that I mentioned, with being in this room with all the kids opening the presents and all the noise and running around and the movement, I would notice if Bonnie was more on edge in that situation.

That is me, that's calm, because I'm coming at it from a place of awareness.

So I noticed that things are tipping over into a bit too much.

Calm means you give yourself permission to pause.

So in the previous episode, episode 27, I talk about kind of taking a moment and having that pause for yourself and setting something up so that your dog gets that as well.

It means you notice the pressure when you can.

So you can start to have that again, that awareness of when you feel all that pressure building up that I've mentioned earlier on, and you start to think, you know, there's pressure from this person, whoever it is, saying, oh, they're a bit jumpy, aren't they, when I come in.

I thought you'd have sorted that by now.

There's just those little things, and that's just a passing comment that they won't even think twice about.

And they won't remember, but it will stick in your Mind them saying that.

And you think, oh, I've worked so hard on them jumping up.

But, you know, four visitors might have walked in prior to them coming in, and they hadn't jumped up any of those people.

But for that person, that fifth person that has come in in quick succession, they've jumped up at them.

You've had four successes, and one time where they've jumped up at one person and they've made the comment, the other four might not have said anything.

They'd have come in and gone, oh, hello, you know, because your dog's not jumping up, they haven't said anything.

But the person that notices that they have that once.

That's what I'm trying to say.

You're aware of that pressure, you make a mental note of it and you reduce the pressure where you can, and you choose connection over compliance.

So we're kind of thinking, right, how can I feel more connected in this moment with myself and with my dog?

Rather than thinking, I need my dog to be fully compliant and fully obedient 100% of the time, because that is that expectation of perfection that we have.

And it might not be possible.

They're sentient, they have feelings, they have choices.

You know, it's setting things up so that we don't feel that pressure.

And if we notice it, we can start to change things.

Sometimes protecting calm looks like doing less, not more.

So we're actually taking the pressure off by doing less, not adding more and more and more to do that might feel uncomfortable, especially if you're used to trying harder when things feel wobbly.

So when things are feeling wobbly, you kind of say, well, I need to push through this.

I need to do this, that and the other.

Sometimes that might be okay.

Like, every scenario is different.

But in this situation, trying to push through and trying to push through with your dog potentially, is going to mean that that pressure increases and the calm that you're looking for is just not going to happen.

So in the scenario of them not jumping up, the four people first and then they have jumped up the fifth person, I would be aware that there was something tipping over the edge.

And I would say, right, they're starting to get a bit overstimulated because they were fine before, but now they're getting a bit jumpy.

Rather than them meeting visitors at the front door, I am going to set up my calm zone that I've already set up from listening to the previous episode.

I've set my calm zone up.

They know that it's nice and positive.

And it's a nice, calming place for them to kind of retreat to.

I'm going to pop them in there with something nice to chill out with and relax with, with some nice background music.

And no one's going to bother them for the next 15 minutes.

More visitors can arrive in that time, but they're not going to be meeting them at the door.

Then we can see how they feel.

Do they look more relaxed after 15 minutes?

Okay, everybody sat down.

Everybody's come in, taken their shoes and coats off, got the presents out of the way, and they're all sat down, having a drink.

Now I'm going to bring them in.

It's that kind of stuff that is protecting your calm and your dog's calm in this scenario.

And that is what's going to help you make more progress.

Rather than saying, right, with the pushing through scenario, let's just keep going.

And then they don't jump up the next person, but then they jump up the next three.

So it's that kind of stuff that we're thinking about.

So actually, pushing through has meant that our dog's overstimulation has increased and their ability not to not jump up has reduced.

They haven't got the resilience to be able to hold their impulse in to jump because they've started to do it more frequently now.

They've jumped up.

Two people in the space.

Sorry, four people in the space of five minutes, instead of, you know, being able to have that time to just relax and not start to get overstimulated beyond the point of being able to cope.

So I want to give you three anchors to help protect your calm.

So there's no homework, there's no pressure.

There's three things that I think are going to help.

I want to share them because I want you to be able to come back to them over the next couple of weeks.

They're not tasks, they're not touch points.

You don't need to do all of them.

You don't need to do them perfectly.

Just let them sit in the background.

So this is just to help bring you back to a place of being calm, by the definition of what I've mentioned just a second ago.

So the first one is permission to opt out.

You are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to change plans, you're allowed to protect your energy and your dog's energy.

No is a whole sentence.

You can just say no.

You don't have to give big explanations.

And this is coming from a place of personal experience as a people pleaser.

As somebody who has felt in the past that I've had to explain my decisions to everyone, who has not set the boundaries that I felt that I should have done, when I think back, that has said yes when I should have said no.

And that is where I'm coming from this.

So it's permission to opt out.

I do now say no, and I don't give big explanations about why.

And this is about.

It's not about failure, it's about regulation.

This is about you prioritizing yourself and your dog in situations where you think you're not going to be able to come back to those places of noticing when things are tipping over to too much, not able to give yourself permission to pause, not reducing pressure where you can, and not choosing connection over compliance.

So if you can't do those things in the situation that you've been asked to get involved with, whatever it might be, then I would be kind of thinking about how I can say no in a kind way.

It's not about saying no.

I'm not doing that.

And feeling like you're being rude.

It might still feel rude if you're saying it kindly, but you're still saying it in a way that is protecting yourself and your dog in that situation.

So there is a way of opting out of some of the things if you feel you need to.

The second one is one priority only.

So instead of trying to hold everything together, ask yourself, what's the one thing that helps my dog feel safe?

Feel the safest that they can.

So the one thing that helps them to feel safest, maybe it's quiet time, maybe it's sticking close to you.

So if there's, you know, if you've been asked to do something that means you're going away and your dog really has felt unsure and clingy around this time of year because of all the things that have been happening, maybe it's saying no to that scenario, maybe it's shorter walks.

So actually going further is making them more stimulated.

So let's just try and not go as far and do more enrichment, more sniffing, more, you know, that kind of stuff.

Maybe it's more sleep.

So are they actually getting enough sleep?

Because that's one of the biggest questions I ask my clients, who I work with, one to one, how much sleep is your dog getting?

And we work it out and generally they're not getting enough sleep.

So that's one that you can try and promote more and figure out and then promote more.

So let everything else be secondary.

So let's figure out one thing that makes our dogs feel safest.

For Bonnie, she's still snoozing behind me.

I think her thing is quiet time.

So how do I set something up like that so that she can have it?

And then the third one is about you and it's about micro resets.

So not new techniques, not extra practice, not extra training sessions, just moments of noticing your breath, your feet on the floor, the feel of your dog when you sat next to them.

So if I was sat on the sofa right now, I wouldn't be touching her when she was fast asleep.

But if she told me that she wanted a fuss, which she does, she nudges my hand to tell me that she wants a fuss, I would just be in the moment and grounding myself and making myself aware of what I'm doing right now, rather than thinking about what I have to do at some point later today or tomorrow or next week.

Those tiny moments help your nervous system come back online.

And when yours does, your dog, your dog's does too.

Try and say that it's like a tongue twister.

Your dog's nervous system will follow your own nervous system.

So when you reset yourself, those things are grounding you.

That third thing that I've mentioned that's going to help you is helping you to ground yourself and bring you back into the present.

And for a micro minute, it's not about continuation of doing that over and over for the rest of the day, but if you can come back to that place and re regulate yourself for 60 seconds, you know, a couple of the times a day when you start to feel like you've gone over the edge and you're starting to feel that pressure, it's going to really, really help.

I really want you to take that away and just again, pick one of those things.

If all three feels too much, pick one of those things.

And one thing for your dog and one thing for you, I would say so one of the two things for your dog and the micro regulation moment for yourself, because I think those are going to be what helps.

So I want to leave you with something.

You're not undoing anything by doing these things.

Your dog does not need a perfect Christmas and neither do you.

So I've mentioned it already.

Perfection isn't real.

It's not a real thing.

It's something that we have in our mind.

Minds and we see in films because they're films and they can film whatever, whatever they want.

They can make things look perfect.

You know, these perfect Christmas films, it's One of those things that being more realistic, you know, things might go wrong.

We might feel like we're taking steps back, but you're not undoing anything.

And Christmas doesn't have to be perfect for anybody.

Calm can come back.

So I've mentioned coming back to a place of calm, coming back to a place of grounding, rather than feeling like you've got to be like that 24 7, because that's nearly impossible.

Even professionals.

I was listening to a podcast recently, even professionals who have, like, they've done all the research, all the studies into, like, stress specifically.

And even that person said, I'm rarely stressed.

Doesn't say she's never stressed.

She said, I'm rarely stressed.

She's done so much work.

You know, she's been doing this for two decades.

I think she'd said, I can't remember her name, but she's been working in the field for 20 years.

She's done all the research, all the studies.

She's worked on this as her life's work.

And she says, I'm rarely stressed.

So there is still elements of stress in her life that she can't control.

So that's what I'm saying.

Calm can come back.

If you know how to come back to it.

Connection can come back.

So if you felt more disconnected from yourself or from your dog, you can get that back again.

Confidence can come back.

If you felt confident before with the progress that you'd been making, but now you feel like you've taken steps back with that and you feel less confident, it can come back.

January doesn't have to be about fixing damage.

It can simply be about coming home to steadiness again.

So we've had the chaotic month of December.

We're setting things up for success for ourselves and our dogs.

If it still felt more chaotic than you'd like it to, January can be about coming home to that steadiness again that you know is there.

If this season feels hard, that does not mean you are doing something wrong.

It means you're human and you care deeply because you're thinking those things.

It means that you care.

And that already makes you an amazing dog parent.

I want you to hear that.

Because you care.

It makes you a good dog parent.

So if this episode helped you feel even a little steadier, I'm really glad that you were here with me.

If you know another dog parent who's quietly struggling at this time of year with their dog, feel free to share this episode with them.

I really want you to share this with somebody who I think would really benefit from the episode and just hearing what I've got to say about bringing yourself back to an emotionally regulated place, it might land exactly at the right moment for them.

As always, thank you so much for being here.

I'll be back with you in January so this is my last episode of the year of 2025.

This is it, the final episode and I'll be back with you Tuesday mornings at 6am on in January.

I think it's the 6th of January would be the first episode off the top of my head.

So let's make 2026 an awesome year and have a brilliant Christmas and New year and I'll see you in 2026.

Thanks so much for tuning in to the Mindful Dog Parent.

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