Welcome back to Become a Calm Mama. I'm your host, I'm Darlin Childress

and I am about to start a three part series with you

all about getting what you want, prioritizing yourself, prioritizing

your goals, and making things happen for

you. And the reason this is on my mind is because

I am in the middle of doing this for myself. I

am going to publish my book in

2026 and. And just saying that gives me a little

bit of discomfort, like, you know, a little bit of energy in

my belly because I get nervous. Saying it aloud on this

podcast and telling you about it makes it really

real. And I feel quite accountable to this

commitment. So that's one of the parts of how I am

making this happen, is by making a commitment to myself,

defining my goal, publishing my book in 2026

and, and telling people about it, talking about it. I thought it would be really

helpful to you, the listener, to the audience, to talk

about what it is that I do when I want to

create something for myself, when I want to achieve

something, when I want to prioritize a goal,

how do I get there? Because I have a lot of experience and

evidence that I am good at reaching my goals.

Some of the evidence that I have of reaching my goals is this podcast. This

was a dream I had, honestly, like in

2015, like a long time ago. I

didn't start the podcast until 2022, but I had

this vision of it like five, six, seven years ago before that.

And I was going to call it the DAR show and it was going to

look totally different, but I wanted to create a podcast

and I was nervous about it. There was all these obstacles in my way

that I had to clear out in order to make this podcast

happen. And it has. And now, 204

episodes later, I have been committed to

publishing a weekly episode without a break,

without stopping. So that's been incredible and amazing. And

I went through the process that I'm going to teach on the next

couple of episodes about how to prioritize yourself

and your goals. I also have evidence of me being able to do this

with my business. I started a coaching practice in

2012. When I started, I didn't really even know what I was doing

at all. I knew I wanted to have a successful business, I knew I wanted

it to be profitable, but I wasn't really committed. And

throughout the years of me starting this business,

from 2012 to 2019, seven years, so

I had this goal in my heart to build this business. And then I just

kept getting distracted and Kept avoiding it and

starting and stopping and starting and stopping. And then in 2019,

I was so frustrated and discouraged with myself

for putting my goal on the back burner over and over and over and letting

myself get distracted and taking these massive detours. Like,

I start a business in 2012, and then in 2015, three

years later, instead of growing the business, I become

president of the PFA for the next two years. And then as that winds

down and instead of focusing on building my business in 2016,

I instead pivoted and started this suburban women's

advocacy network, essentially a not for profit for women

to help marginalize communities. So I kept finding

myself distracted. And then in October of 2019,

that's when I really discovered the tools that I now use to

reach my goals. So the steps that I take in order

to reach my goals are, first, I define the goal. I

determine what it is that I'm doing, what is it that I want.

And sometimes that can be hard. So we're going to break that down. First thing

I do is I define the goal. And then the second thing I do is

I define the obstacles. I look to figure out what are the

obstacles that are going to be in my way and how can I

work on getting rid of those obstacles, how can I

minimize them or plan for them?

Defining the obstacles is actually the first part before I make an action plan.

Step three is define the plan. Sometimes those go

together. Like, I'll make a plan and then I'll look at the obstacles or look

at the obstacles, and I plan for the plan. It's kind of like a little

bit of a teeter totter between the two. But essentially

I'm defining my goal, and then I'm figuring out, okay, how am I going to

get there and what are the obstacles going to come up in

along the way. And I add solutions to

those obstacles into the plan. That's why I have to know the obstacles before I

know the plan. Define the goal. I define the obstacles, I define the plan.

And then step four is I do it. And that is meaning taking very

big action, massive swings in order to make that

goal happen. And that is really where the prioritizing comes in.

In order to do my action plan and to take

those big steps, sometimes they're even little steps.

I have to prioritize the commitment I made

to my goal. And that means I say yes

to my goal and I say yes to my action plan. But by

saying yes to that, I'm saying no to other things in order to

prioritize one thing you have to deprioritize other things.

Now, of course, you don't want to neglect all these areas of your life,

but when you look at your time and you have a limited amount of time

available to your goal, you really do have to make decisions

about how to use that time and what are you going to

prioritize. So I'll get into that bit as

well. So the way this series is going to go is

I'm going to today talk about goals. Like

defining your goal, figuring out what you want, really defining it in

a way that makes it tangible and

accessible and real for you. So it's not some

nebulous kind of I want to build a business, I want to

lose weight, I want to make money. Like, I want to

become a calm mama. Right? Whatever it is that your goal is, I

want you to kind of define it in a more specific

way. So that's what we're going to do today. We're going to define your goal.

And then next week I'll walk you through how to figure

out the obstacles and some tools to work through

those obstacles, some actual practical ways to, to

solve for those obstacles. And then the last week we'll talk about

doing the plan, actually figuring out what the plan is and

then how to do it and how to overcome when you get, when

you start procrastinating, when you get distracted, like how to get back online.

Now you can use this strategy,

these steps for any goal that you have

could be something with your home, with, with your health, with

parenting, with personal growth, with financial ideas

that you have with your family, with your friendships, with your hobbies,

sort of anything that you want in your life, you want to invite

in or get done or do. You can use this process.

So what I'm going to talk about a lot is like my process of

preparing to get this book published. And I'm

not going to go into all the details about it, but my own experience and

the way that I'm doing it right now may be referencing how I've

used these steps in the past. As a life coach, I do

think it's really helpful to share with you how to achieve

the things you want in your life. Right? As a

parenting coach, I'm here specifically to help you get what you want as

a parent to achieve the family dynamic that you want in

your home, the relationship you want with your kids, the emotional health you want for

your children, your the peace and calm you want in your family. How to

do that. That's what this podcast is all about. But as a life

coach, I actually have the same skill set to help you do that

in many, many areas of your life, which is really cool.

So that's what I want to share with you today. Now, there is a

workbook that comes along with this series.

And if you want to get a copy of that workbook, you need to go

to my website, calm mamacoaching.com

go to resources, and you will see the

goals workbook on that page. We'll also link it in the Show

Notes. So that will be really helpful for you to have as a

resource for you. Okay, so let's get into

defining what you want, defining the goal.

That's the first step is you have to figure out what you want.

So I have decided that I want to publish

my book, which is all about becoming a Calm Mama by the

end of 2026. Now, this goal is

very specific, and it's specific for a reason.

Because I have had the goal of write

my book many times and I

actually have written the book many times. I have

a full draft of it. I have written it as the

workbook. A lot of this podcast is the content of the book.

Like it's in my heart. I have written it, but at the same time,

I have not actually published it. It's really funny because I

even have a publisher already who is waiting

for the draft to be sent to them. And I

have been not doing that for three years now, four years

now, because I am nervous. I have a lot of

fears around it. I have a lot of overwhelm around it, and

I keep kind of putting it off and prioritizing other things

over this book, over this publishing of the book. So what

I've done is I've changed the word write to publish, so made it very

specific and I've given a deadline. When you set

goals, it is important to be specific. If we

are too generic with our goal, like I want to lose

weight or I want to make more money, it

can be hard to stay committed or to even know if we've reached

the goal or what the amount of effort it will take

to get that goal. When you have a goal, I want you to

actually be as specific as possible. So you want to make

more money, how much you want to lose weight,

how many pounds or what size do you want to be if you

want to build a business? What does that mean? How many clients do you

want? How profitable do you want it to be? Now, I don't want you to

be super overwhelmed. I'm not saying I want to write a book that's

357 pages and is a bestseller or

whatever. I actually am saying I want to publish a book at this

point in time because I have been in so much turmoil

over this thing. I just need to be specific, but I don't

need to be grandiose. I don't need to make it so

overwhelming that it seems impossible. I want to make a goal

that feels possible. So publishing a book this year, especially

since I already have a publisher, is possible now.

Sometimes people will say, you know, dream the impossible dream and

think really big. And I love that. I want you to

have a big vision for your life. And if you want to create

something, like being like, Beachbody ready, or

increase your salary by $400,000 a year

or something like that, or redesign your house, but only

have to spend $40,000, like. Like if you

remodeled, not redesigned, but remodeled your house, it. It's like,

it's okay. I want you to dream as big as you want to dream. But

I've noticed for myself that when I make it too big,

I can't quite see a path to get there.

And it's funny, because in Manifestation and Mindset

World, a lot of times people will say, you know, you don't need to know

how to get there. You don't need to know the steps. You just need to

have the dream and the ambition. I agree, but at the

same time, I'm too practical. And I think probably, if you listen to this

podcast, you're probably similar to me. You're also really practical. You kind of

want to know, like, all right, well, is it possible you can also

make a decision that you want to publish a book this year even if you

don't have a publisher? That's totally possible, and then make a plan to

how to get there. Right. The first step would possibly be writing it, creating a

draft. Right. Whatever it is, doing a book proposal, all the things

you can dream as big as you want. We're going to get into the obstacles,

and we're going to get into the action plan in the next two episodes. My

recommendation and what I'm doing right now is being specific

and manageable. And maybe that's limiting, I don't

know. But that's what I have decided to do, and I think it will be

helpful for you. I have other goals in terms of

financial goals with our family. I have different goals for my

physical health. I have different goals in my marriage, and

that means that I have things that I'm working

on in my life. That then I also have some

action plans for so they don't have to be this big

grandiose idea of like building a business

or starting a not for profit. But if you have those big

dreams, good. I want you to prioritize

your dreams. Make it specific people. If it's, I want to

start selling items on Etsy this year. Great.

How many items do you want to sell? Or when do you want to have

your Etsy page published and ready? I want you to be

thinking about how specific you can be with

yourself. So that's a big part of having a goal, is

writing it down, what is it? And then also a date. Like I want to

say by the end of 2026, like I want to hold my book in

my hand. I. By the end of 2026, I want to have it

like a hard copy that I get sent to my house that I

hold in my hand. That's what I want. Honestly, that's

as far as I've gone. Because when I think about where the impact of the

book or whatever, who else is going to hold it in their hands, it gets

a little overwhelming. So I just think about myself. What I want is

having it in my hands. I have

my goal. Now, the second part of defining your goal

is defining your why, defining

your reason. Because if you don't know why you want

something or how it's going to benefit you or what it's going to

create in you, you are probably not going to be able

to stay committed to it. Because reaching a big goal

is challenging. It's hard. You have to

put in effort. And when the obstacles come up, you need to know

what your reason is and why you wanna

stay in the game and keep pushing yourself and keep showing up

and doing that hard work. When I think about

my deep, deep why, which I've talked about a lot on this

podcast, I have a big dream,

a big vision, a big purpose, and that is to heal

the next generation in advance. I've talked about that before.

My goal is, is to heal

families so that they don't create pain and trauma

in childhood. The healthier a family is in

the midst of raising kids like you as the parent, the more education

you have, the more insight you have, the more emotional regulation

you have, the better you'll show up for your kids. And

then the less pain you'll create in your children so that when they

grow up, they don't have to go back to their childhood and heal

from the past. They show up in their young adulthood and they're

ready to accomplish whatever they're going to accomplish. So

healing in advance is my way of preventing pain.

Now, of course, life is full of pain, and you can be the

best parent in the whole world and do everything perfectly, which is not possible. But

you, you know, imagine you could. Your child is still going to have pain.

They're still in a world where they have sad things

happen, they have challenges, you have challenges.

Economic stuff happens. Loss, medical trauma,

so many different things, right? Bullying, there's a lot going

on in the world, but you can almost

inoculate your kids and give them the

tools they need so that they have the ability to process

all the emotions that come in life, and they're emotionally healthy. So

even if they have pain, you've given them tools to process that pain.

And that is really the only way we heal. It's

not by preventing pain. It's by being able to know how to

process pain, how to overcome hard things.

But I have other whys. One of the whys is that I'm

sick of talking about this book. Like, this is kind of

what happened to me with my business as well, is I had been working

at it for seven years, and it hadn't really been successful, which

means I didn't really have that many clients. I didn't have a big impact, and

it didn't make much money. And I just kind of got tired of

that being my reality. I was like, I'm done.

Not achieving. Like, my why

was. I was tired of not having it. My why was almost like

disgust. But that's not. I don't want it to be, like, from a mean place,

but I was just like, I'm done. I'm ready. I just want to achieve already.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And then I went try to

find the obstacles. Why hadn't I achieved what I wanted? What was preventing me from

getting what I wanted and then making a plan to solve for

those obstacles and go for it. And I did, and I

achieved, and I have this business and it is profitable, and I have a big

impact and I have lots of clients, and it's wonderful. Same with the podcast.

I wasn't sure what to do. I did it. Now it's here and

you're listening, right? So it has the impact that it has,

and I'm really excited about it. One of the motivations for

me was to finally do it. And that has

happened to me at other times in my life where my why is not

always some big, higher calling purpose. Meaning

is maybe just to be Happy. Maybe it's to be settled, maybe

it's to move on. If you are trying to think about

your marriage, you want to improve your marriage or your parenting,

maybe your reason is because you're tired of being unhappy.

That's a good enough reason as far as I'm concerned. Now I want you to

start to think about what it will be like when

you achieve what you have achieved. Like imagine the thing that

you want to have achieved. Like imagine sitting

around the dinner table with everyone laughing and talking

and sharing and eating the food that you made and having that peaceful

feeling. Or imagine having that marriage and that you

get to go to bed at night and it feels really connected and

you are happy with that relationship. Or maybe

you're trying to figure out whether you should prioritize your well being over your

marriage, right? So then maybe that means you're getting a divorce.

Then looking at, okay, how do I want to feel in my life? How will

I feel when I've made this decision and I've moved on in my life? I'm

going to feel satisfied, I'm going to feel joyful, I'm going to

feel content, anticipating the feeling that you'll have

and then kind of trying that on and practicing that emotion.

It's almost as if you act as if it's already finished, that you've

achieved what you want and you get into that emotion now. So

I want to finish this book and I imagine holding that book in my

hand, sitting at this desk right here where I am and it

being on my desk I have like, you don't know, but my office is filled

with books. I have so many books in my desk and so many books in

my office and I just kind of picture like, what if it was my book?

Like what I was smiling right now, right? Just getting into that

emotion of being settled and satisfied and joyful

and actually kind of like ah, relief I think

is what I'll feel like I did it. I have the second book

that is in mind that I want to write. And so I'm like,

oh yeah, okay, I got one down, one to go.

Like I just kind of feel like this is momentum that I'm excited about.

So as you think about whatever it is that you want to achieve, wearing that

bathing suit or having your cozy couch that you, you know, your living room

that you've determined or a meal plan that really works in your family

or a business that you really wanted to achieve and you get that first

paycheck from it, or you get that first sale or Maybe you want to

expand, maybe you want to make a podcast, right? You imagine publishing that

first episode and having it out in the world, really kind of

picturing it done, noticing the emotion that comes up.

Now if you have some negative emotion coming up, then that might be

One of the obstacles that we'll talk about next week is that maybe there's an

obstacle about belief. Maybe you don't believe it's possible.

I have been there before, especially when it comes to this book. The

book was birthed in my little baby soul in

2012. It came to me almost like a vision. It's the Kamama

process. It's the same thing I've been teaching that calm connect limits that

correct for the past, what is it, 13, 14 years.

That little kernel of a book was born within me that

many years ago. And I'm glad I didn't write it then because I didn't have

enough information. But as I have grown as a coach

and shared this philosophy over and over and over and over and over and over

and over again, I'm really ready to put it on paper and have it out

there in the world. But when it first was germinated within

me, I had a lot of imposter syndrome, a lot of doubt. And I

still do a little bit, but I'm working through that's an obstacle. So

we'll talk about the obstacles of self belief next time. Thinking

about what do you want now? I've noticed with women, well, it's not

fair to say with women, I've noticed with people that it

can be hard to even have

time to think about what you want because you're raising kids,

you have maybe a parenting goals and that feels like, okay, I can

achieve those because I'm in the middle of parenting my children and this is my

world. But what if you have other things that you

want to achieve that are outside of

parenting? Sometimes there's no room in our mind to even

know what we want. Right? We have no, we can't even

think. So as we head into the new year, this episode is coming

out right at the end of 2025 as we anticipate

2026, I really want you to start to think about like,

what do you want? Maybe it's not for, for this year, maybe it's not

possible. But I would love for you to do a little

dreaming. So one of the things that I teach

is a dream download. It's a fun

exercise that you can do and it's essentially you're going to make

a list of all the things that you want to achieve

either this year or anytime in the future. This list can be

goals or dreams. There's no rules in this dream

download. You don't have to be realistic. You don't have to be practical. You don't

have to define your why or anything like that. I just want you to

dream about what you want. Doing this exercise is going to give you a

chance to uncover some of those deeper desires that might

lie within you. Just start with aiming for five

things and then push yourself to 10 to 15 to

20. Really go into the dirt and keep digging. Go

in the dirt of your soul and keep digging through and seeing what is in

there that you want for yourself. Do you want to

build something? Do you want to create something? I have friends who want to

start a bed and breakfast. I have a friend who wants to publish a novel.

I have a friend who has a TV script that she wants to get made

into show. I have a friend who wants to develop

an interior design company or to grow her interior design

company. I have a friend who really wants to work on her mental health. I

have a friend who wants to become a shaman. I have a friend who

wants to write a coffee table book that is filled with recipes

and design elements and beauty. I love

all my girlfriend's dreams. They are inspiring to me

and they're like these little kernels within them and they're

secret a lot of times and that's okay. But it's okay

for you to sit by yourself and put down your

dreams. Maybe you want to visit all the continents. One of

my dreams is to go to every national park in the US

and that is a fun little goal or dream I have. I have a friend.

His goal was to circumnavigate the earth sailing. And he

is doing it. He's almost finished. It's amazing when

people have dreams. Sometimes they get manifested, sometimes they

don't. But I want you to have an opportunity to explore

yourself in your own private little world. So get a

journal, get a piece of paper, get your phone, put in the notes app,

write down some dreams. What do you want to create for yourself? And

then look at your list and I'd love for you for the

exercises that we're going to do in the next couple episodes is

pick one from your dream download that

you would maybe like to work on this year or accomplish this year.

You can pick one or two if you want. And then we're gonna define

that goal. So you do your dream download. You pick the one

that you are wanting to work on or the two that you want to work

on. So mine has been like, publish this book. Publish the book. Publish the book.

It's been on my dream download for 15 years, but this,

now it's real. Now it's like, this is the year I'm doing it,

and I am going to stay committed to it. I know my why,

and I'm gonna find all the obstacles, solve for all those

obstacles, and get it done. So thinking about the one goal, I

would love for you to be specific about it. I will

accomplish whatever that goal is by this

date. And then that's the goal you have for 2026.

Isn't that fun? I think it's really cool. So like I

said, my goal for 2026 is that I will

publish my book by the end of

2026. That's my goal. I

know my why. It's so that I can stop talking about

it. And also to help

families in the future. Those are my big whys.

And now the next two episodes I'll share with you. Sort of how to solve

for those obstacles, what the obstacles are typically that come up with any

goal, and then the action plan, how to get it done, do the work.

Okay, I'm glad you're listening. I'm excited about this, and

this will be really great for you as we wrap

up 2025 and head into 2026. And

yes, thanks for listening. If you want to share your goal with

me, I would actually really love to hear about it. You can either

if you're on my newsletter, reply to the podcast email that you received

about this and just shoot me your goal so that way I can talk about

it with you. Or you can, you know, direct message me on

Instagram or put it in the comments on

the Instagram post that's like, about these goals

and put it. Put it in the public if you want. That way we can

all be accountable and share and encourage each other. All right, mama,

thanks for listening. And I will talk to you next week and we will talk

about how to make an action plan.