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Tony: Creating a level of independence
and autonomy within the kid is just

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about empowering them to be them.

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And that's true confidence.

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True confidence is not about
being competent about stuff

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and knowing everything.

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God, no.

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You know, nobody knows everything, right?

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But you know, people
think that they have to.

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It's about just being cool with
yourself and, and your foundation

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and accepting it warts and all.

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And it, and the best thing, the gift
you can give anybody and kids and, and

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the reason why I do what I do and I talk
to my clients all the time is because

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that's the one thing I want to give them.

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I want to give them what I already see in
them that they don't see in themselves.

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Kat: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Tony: Is the fact that
they have this power.

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It's incredible.

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Kat: Today's guest is Tony Dufresne.

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Tony is a confidence coach for
women and his journey really started

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when he became a single father at
age 27 to his daughter, Rachel.

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You are not going to want
to miss this episode.

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Make sure you stay tuned.

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Hey, my name is Kat.

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Lee: And I'm Lee.

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Kat: And welcome to the

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Lee: Wildly Wealthy Life Podcast.

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In this show, we explore the journey
of what it means to live a truly

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exceptional and fulfilling life.

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Kat: Each episode focuses on how a
foundation of brilliant minds and

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brave hearts nurtured through the
arts leads to lifelong success.

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Lee: Get inspired with actionable
tips to foster a growth

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mindset, leadership values.

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And creativity and children and adults
turning their potential into lasting

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contributions for their communities.

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Kat: We hope that you embrace the
challenge to shift your perspective as we

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equip you and the next generation for a

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Lee: wildly wealthy life.

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Kat: We had an incredible time with Tony.

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And, uh, what was your biggest
takeaway from that episode?

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Lee: First of all, Tony, if you're
watching, thank you for sharing

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your story and coming on again.

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I was very moved and impacted by seeing
your life in full circle, almost.

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The inspiration that your grandfather
gave you when you were young, and

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that support, and how your life has
evolved to a point where now you can

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be that support for your grandkids.

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And, The impact that you have and all
the learning that you've had, uh, for

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your clients, the people that are going
to be listening to you and watching you,

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there is a magic that is there, and I
really thank you for being vulnerable

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and sharing your story with us.

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Kat: Yeah, and what I really loved was he
had some really amazing insight on how to.

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As an, as a parent or as an educator
or as a caregiver, how to raise kids

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with creativity from such a young age
that could set them up for success for

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lifelong success and the insight that he
had on that was really impactful for me.

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And so we can't wait to just
share this episode with you today.

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Tony, thank you for
being with us here today.

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Um, I really love just your story
about you and your daughter,

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uh, Rachel, and I know that you
learned a lot about confidence.

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from her.

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But aside from that, I know
that, you know, you are the

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confidence doc, which is amazing.

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I love it.

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And I love that you are just so boldly
teaching this and empowering women in a

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space where it's usually women who teach,
you know, about women's confidence and

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you're in this space, which is amazing,
which we want to dive into later.

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I know Lee has some questions about
that, but what other things have

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you learned from being a woman?

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And, you know, especially in
the leadership skill area.

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Tony: All the things I've learned,
you can't fit in at 45 minutes.

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You can't even fit that into a day.

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Right.

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I mean, that's, you know, as a parent.

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Kat: Right.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Of course.

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Yes.

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Tony: But the, you know, the thing
is, is that that was, I found it

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extraordinary because at the time I
was 26 or so and we had Rach, um, and,

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uh, I got, it was like a hot minute.

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I was divorced right after that.

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And it so happened that I had her.

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Like all the time.

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I wasn't supposed to be like that,
but it all of a sudden I was a

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single dad and I had sisters, but
you know, it's as any woman or man

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knows, uh, so it's just a woman.

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A lot of men don't realize this, but
a woman's world is so much different,

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completely different than a man's
world in terms of just Perspective

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and the way systems are set up.

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And so, uh, having to navigate
that as not, not only as a new

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dad, but as a dad of a daughter.

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And, uh, it was so nuanced and
she taught me so many things.

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You know, I was always very
matter of fact, I was always very

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linear in my approach to things.

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And with a daughter, you
can't really do that.

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Not only because we're going
to talk about art, right?

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And self expression, not only was
she a girl and a daughter, but she

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was, she's a theater girl, right?

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She's a singer.

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She's, she's an artiste.

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It's like a triple layer of stuff.

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And, and of course I was, I mean, I
grew up, uh, you know, playing guitar.

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I was a musician.

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I did a little bit of acting until
I realized it's not for me at all.

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But, uh, but I was always
a musician at heart.

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So I had a little bit of that, but not
even close to, you know, what she has

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in terms of artistic self expression.

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And so through that and through
seeing that and through.

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Understanding the differences and the
nuances in life and the perceptions that

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happen because, uh, because not only
as being a daughter or a girl, but also

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being very artistic and very dimensional
in her thinking and her approach to

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life taught me so much, really opened
me up to being a way better parent.

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I mean, that was, that, that
created everything on my foundation.

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That moved me into the direction of
working with women and working with

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women specifically with confidence
because I, because she taught me that.

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And in, and in response to that, we
sort of worked this out together.

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I always tell my women clients,
I'll never be able to empathize.

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Cause I'm not a woman, but I can
certainly sympathize and be as

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big of an advocate as I can be,
uh, from a girl, dad perspective.

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And so that's my approach to my clients
and my approach to my grandkids now and

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my granddaughter, uh, and I'll still my
approach, uh, to my daughter as well.

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And we're just, we have a very
great, happy tribe and, uh,

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you know, every day is amazing.

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Lee: Tony, one, one thing real quick here.

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How are you a grandfather?

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You do not.

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Thank

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Tony: you.

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It's amazing.

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I appreciate that.

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. Uh, it, it, a lot of
filters on the camera.

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A lot . Gotcha.

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Seven layers.

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The foundation I learned from my daughter.

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Are you real

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Kat: or are you AI

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, 
Tony: right?

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Yeah.

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It's, it's all ai.

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Have you seen that new ai?

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Not to digress, but man, that
new AI is just incredible.

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It's like a real person, right?

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I was very lucky because
genetics in my family and my

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mom always looked like she was.

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35 years younger.

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And so I just, I'll just roll with that.

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Yeah, that's good.

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Lee: I did have a question though,
because some of the most like beautiful

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things or works that, um, we as humans
like create and whatnot, usually come

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from a source of, um, pain, struggle,
some kind of like conflict and whatnot.

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And obviously you kind of went over
it real quickly, but divorce is like a

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splitting, you know, a separation, uh,
that not, uh, Many people really spend

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a lot of time on delving into the pain
that's really associated with that.

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I, too, years ago, uh, was divorced,
uh, after about a year change of,

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of marriage, and there is just
a deep cut that that, that is.

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And then to add on top of that, your
responsibility was raising a daughter.

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Raising her, what were some of the
things that you, you experienced, that

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you witnessed in, in watching your
daughter grow, some of the struggles

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that she had, that even made this
idea of being the confidence stock?

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Like, what were the.

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the ground level things that
really shook you to help want to,

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like, make this change for people.

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Tony: It's so true that pain and despair
and being at the bottom of the well

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really brings on the creativity or
the, or the yearning for expansion.

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I mean, it's either you give up and
you just sit there and rot away and

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spin an ashtray in the corner of a dark
room, or you do something about it.

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And with me, it was a double edge.

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It was like a double kick to the gut
because not only was I divorced and

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you haven't going through that, that
separation and, uh, that rejection.

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And of course I had just my own child
trauma stuff, all of that poke that bear.

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Like that was the big red button.

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So it made that bad.

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Plus the fact that the one thing I did
not want to do as a parent was to put

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my child through a separated family.

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I did not.

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I mean, that's the last thing,
because I never knew my real

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dad and I had issues with.

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You know, all that stuff.

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And the one thing I didn't want to do was
the exact thing that now I'm involved in.

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And in that process, what I did
was I, and I'll, and I'll just

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did, my daughter knows this too.

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I, I overcompensated because I felt I
had to, because not only was I dealing

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with that stuff, at the same time,
Rachel's mom wasn't showing up as a mom.

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And so I felt as though I had to wear.

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Kat: Two roles.

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Yeah.

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Tony: And I had, and, uh, and so, but I
think that overall that really shaped me.

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It shaped my mentality.

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It really took me to school again, in
terms of figuring out what I need to do.

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And the fact that this, this other
world is a lot more nuanced than 26 or

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seven years that I did up to that point.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And with that, you know, in psychology,
we call it flooding and flooding

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is, you know, like if you're afraid
of spiders, they put you into

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room full of spiders type thing.

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Yeah, that was flooding for me because
it was either you, you sink or you swim.

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And that shaped everything moving
forward because I was a finance major.

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And, you know, going through college and
I, it was in doing real estate stuff.

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And it wasn't until I went through that
and realized and learn and had to read

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books and went to therapy that I realized
that that's really what I want to do.

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And that changed everything.

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And that got me to go when I
was 29, I decided to go back

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to school and Pepperdine waves,
go waves, go waves, right?

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So that's, that's when I went
back to Pepperdine and, uh, got my

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master's in psychology because I
felt as though that was my calling.

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And I could, and the only way I could
have gotten to that point was through

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my daughter and through the situation.

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And so as much as, Stuff happens.

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That's just crappy stuff.

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You know, it does lead you to
something if you're open to it.

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And that's the mentality I
take, you know, to this day.

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Kat: Yeah.

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Is there anything in your upbringing,
especially like in the realm of the

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arts, because you said, you know,
you play the guitar, you love music.

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How has creativity Kind of paved
the way for you to, you know, when

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you became 27 and you got divorced
and now you're a single dad, you

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know, uh, how does creativity play
into you stepping up into that role?

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And actually, instead of, you know,
sinking, you actually learned how to swim.

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Right.

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Tony: Right.

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Yeah.

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Uh, creativity is one of the
most powerful tools you can have.

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Uh, not only is it just a
tool from an ex like sharing.

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Like an experiential thing, you're sharing
it with other people and getting them

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involved in creating an environment of
self expression and self acceptance,

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but it's also, you know, inner self
acceptance and self expression as well.

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I mean, it's, it's, it's a perfect
blend of both of those and having

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the creativity that I did and.

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Like I said, I wasn't like
the theater kid or anything.

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I just, I enjoyed music and I always
just had an ear for it and loved it and

232
00:12:28,079 --> 00:12:29,789
was in bands and all that fun stuff.

233
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:34,420
But it wasn't until having my daughter
and having her be such a theater

234
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:40,109
kid, uh, and that, uh, that I,
that became a bond with both of us.

235
00:12:40,785 --> 00:12:47,035
In me prepping her for her singing
contest, in me, you know, us reading

236
00:12:47,035 --> 00:12:52,765
lines together, in, uh, in her going
over her songs ahead of, and so

237
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:56,115
me, you know, correcting her pitch
and, and, you know, giving her some

238
00:12:56,405 --> 00:12:57,895
feedback and thoughts and stuff.

239
00:12:58,115 --> 00:13:01,115
It became a huge connector, to this day.

240
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:05,290
It's one of the biggest connectors of
myself and my daughter in terms of our

241
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:10,040
relationship, because I feel as though,
I feel as though creativity and, and

242
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:15,860
self expression is one of, if not the
most powerful forces in this world.

243
00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:20,529
And I have to tell you, I haven't
met one single person that has that,

244
00:13:20,569 --> 00:13:25,369
and that expresses that, and that
owns that, that isn't, you know,

245
00:13:25,409 --> 00:13:27,099
ahead of the curve in terms of joy.

246
00:13:27,910 --> 00:13:28,510
Having a good time.

247
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:30,130
You know, everybody has their
ups and downs and all that.

248
00:13:30,689 --> 00:13:34,130
But, uh, tell me, tell me it's
not a bad thing that, that

249
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:38,280
theater kids are like getting in
groups and singing like anywhere.

250
00:13:38,299 --> 00:13:39,919
You can always tell
where a theater kid is.

251
00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:43,140
And I just love that because it,
and that's how powerful it is.

252
00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:44,000
It's moving.

253
00:13:44,010 --> 00:13:44,790
It's so powerful.

254
00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:49,269
Lee: I was in, um, South
Africa recently in Johannesburg

255
00:13:49,279 --> 00:13:51,099
and, uh, flight got canceled.

256
00:13:51,319 --> 00:13:52,600
Had to go to a hotel, stay overnight.

257
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:53,250
Then we came back.

258
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:56,069
But when I came back, uh,
the timing was perfect.

259
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,700
Cause there was this like theater, I
don't know if it's theater group, but

260
00:13:58,709 --> 00:14:02,980
there's a performance group and they're
just ripping, I don't know if it's the

261
00:14:03,265 --> 00:14:07,335
South African, like, National Anthem
or whatever it was, but they're just

262
00:14:07,335 --> 00:14:13,414
sitting there, stomping, singing, and,
like, the, the, just the, the joy that

263
00:14:13,415 --> 00:14:18,294
shot through the airport, the terminal,
people stopped, started clapping, the,

264
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:21,565
um, the workers, like, all the people at
the cash register and everything, just

265
00:14:21,574 --> 00:14:26,095
came running out, like, left the people
at the counter, and came out and started

266
00:14:26,095 --> 00:14:27,975
yelling and just, ah, and just that.

267
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:32,490
The energy that comes with the
creativity and the voice and yeah, it's

268
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,650
so it's so so powerful Yeah, I love

269
00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:35,070
Tony: that point.

270
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:36,940
It creates a tangible force.

271
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:39,960
It really does because you know,
everything is energy everything is I

272
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:43,720
mean, that's the you know, I'm a big
quantum guy and and you know, my base

273
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,870
is my you know Foundational stuff is
based upon that and I feel as though

274
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,930
that that is the most powerful energy.

275
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:50,410
It's almost

276
00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:51,970
Kat: Mm hmm.

277
00:14:52,330 --> 00:14:56,100
Especially, I mean, there's all sorts
of creativity, but for me, I may

278
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,450
be a little bit biased, but there's
something about music, you know,

279
00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:02,369
like there's obviously there's so
many different types of creativity.

280
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:03,270
Of course, movement.

281
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,709
I love movement too, and all of that.

282
00:15:04,709 --> 00:15:07,479
But man, there's something about
when you put together movement and

283
00:15:07,479 --> 00:15:12,690
music that is just the, I feel like
that that joy frequency that comes

284
00:15:12,730 --> 00:15:15,370
out of that is through the roof.

285
00:15:15,420 --> 00:15:18,380
At least that's how I
feel in my own practice.

286
00:15:20,735 --> 00:15:24,695
Tony: The research base is the fact
that it releases dopamine, I mean, it

287
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:29,485
releases the endorphins, and they've
seen that music is as powerful as, you

288
00:15:29,485 --> 00:15:34,235
know, working out, or, you know, being
in a joyous event, or, you know, getting

289
00:15:34,235 --> 00:15:39,394
married, I mean, it can move you and it
can create those excited neural pathways

290
00:15:39,404 --> 00:15:41,014
to get you in a really good space.

291
00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:43,925
I mean, and that's, you know, that's, you
know, they've researched that for years.

292
00:15:44,305 --> 00:15:45,535
Kat: Yeah, absolutely.

293
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,405
I want to kind of go back into
when you said that, you know, your

294
00:15:49,545 --> 00:15:51,605
father was absent in your childhood.

295
00:15:51,645 --> 00:15:55,355
What were some of the, you
know, as you're growing up, you

296
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,155
know, without your dad, right?

297
00:15:57,185 --> 00:15:58,075
Like being absent.

298
00:15:58,075 --> 00:15:59,975
I grew up as well without my parents.

299
00:16:00,214 --> 00:16:02,684
Not that I, they showed me that
they loved me, but they were

300
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:04,195
just not there physically, right?

301
00:16:04,675 --> 00:16:10,740
What were some of the, um, Limiting
beliefs that you had as a child that

302
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:16,649
you had to really overcome to step
into the place that you are now.

303
00:16:16,650 --> 00:16:19,189
I mean, I know it's a process
as we're growing up, but you

304
00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,409
know, what are some of those?

305
00:16:20,739 --> 00:16:26,640
Tony: Yeah, my situation was not to get
way into it, but I had a step dad that

306
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,860
I didn't even realize was my step dad
because nobody ever told me because that

307
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:33,349
happened when I was, you know, Two and
a half or something until I was like 14.

308
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:37,400
So there's this level of, you know,
base of deception that's going on.

309
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:40,949
Plus the fact that I was in a
household that was, that had extremely

310
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:44,810
strict boundaries that actually
restricted levels of artistic and

311
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:48,250
self expression, uh, because they
didn't want to be embarrassed.

312
00:16:49,304 --> 00:16:49,944
Wow.

313
00:16:50,094 --> 00:16:50,365
Right.

314
00:16:50,604 --> 00:16:53,994
And, uh, and then there was a massive
level of perfection because if, you

315
00:16:53,994 --> 00:16:57,804
know, it's one of those things where
if I, you know, if I got a B plus

316
00:16:57,804 --> 00:16:59,504
that, that would be very disappointing.

317
00:17:00,115 --> 00:17:04,495
So it was always the carrot on the stick
and you could never ever get the carrot.

318
00:17:04,714 --> 00:17:06,749
And so there was a level of perfection.

319
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:12,220
The lack of it of acceptance for
who I was as a kid, which always

320
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:16,490
translates because kids just always,
you know, take that upon themselves

321
00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:21,040
and that creates a level of, of, of
lack of self acceptance of yourself.

322
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:27,470
And then, and those are the things that
in growing up very much restrict you.

323
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,640
And I feel as though the, the
music when I started doing it,

324
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:32,910
which was, I mean, it started.

325
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:36,130
playing guitar when I was eight,
but it wasn't until probably in

326
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:38,940
high school, oh, it was high school
where I started with the band stuff.

327
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:42,770
And then you start getting, you
know, really self expressive and,

328
00:17:42,779 --> 00:17:44,560
and a little rebellious and whatnot.

329
00:17:44,580 --> 00:17:48,389
And I, and I realized that that was the
way I was rebelling against that whole

330
00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:51,134
system that I was, that I grew up in.

331
00:17:51,275 --> 00:17:55,495
The walking on eggshells perfectionist,
you know, self esteem stuff.

332
00:17:55,495 --> 00:17:59,784
And I, and the second that I was accepted
within the realm of my bandmates and

333
00:17:59,784 --> 00:18:03,254
people having a good time when we went
out to do gigs, that was it for me.

334
00:18:03,264 --> 00:18:04,935
That was like, talk about a drug.

335
00:18:05,095 --> 00:18:05,794
Oh my God.

336
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:08,754
That was incredible.

337
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,084
That's, that's how I got out of it.

338
00:18:11,365 --> 00:18:15,315
And that's why I just, I love the
fact that when you got in contact

339
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:18,795
with me and, and I knew what we were
going to be talking about today, it

340
00:18:18,795 --> 00:18:23,415
was this, because it's again, it's
the force is extremely powerful.

341
00:18:23,445 --> 00:18:25,195
And I just, I love talking about it.

342
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,085
Lee: Wow, that's incredible.

343
00:18:27,085 --> 00:18:32,114
How often are you able to bring in
that passion for music, the impact of

344
00:18:32,114 --> 00:18:34,734
music into your, your sessions with.

345
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,575
You're the people, the
women that you're working

346
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:42,085
Tony: with every time I did because one
of the first intake questions I asked

347
00:18:42,085 --> 00:18:43,984
them is, you know, what do you listen to?

348
00:18:44,855 --> 00:18:45,595
I mean, what do you do?

349
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:46,654
What do you do for fun?

350
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:48,075
I do, you know, is it dancing?

351
00:18:48,075 --> 00:18:49,854
Is it I mean, do you
do anything like that?

352
00:18:50,215 --> 00:18:55,765
The amount of music or the what they
listen to Is a huge indicator of

353
00:18:55,765 --> 00:19:00,784
mindset and if you want to be stuck in
a in a bad situation Bummer mindset,

354
00:19:01,065 --> 00:19:03,225
then, you know, they're going to
be telling me they're listening to

355
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,985
some old sappy country stuff, right?

356
00:19:05,985 --> 00:19:09,514
Where the dog and the pickup
truck are always leaving, right?

357
00:19:09,935 --> 00:19:10,284
So,

358
00:19:12,575 --> 00:19:15,715
yeah, I'd say so if that, if
that's the case, it says a lot.

359
00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:21,480
About that, but I always, and then I
used, I use, I almost do musical therapy

360
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,600
along with the two other things that
I, in fact, I think, Kat, I think we

361
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,680
talked about this on the two shows
about journaling and meditation that

362
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:35,275
are incredibly, uh, effective in terms
of getting you You know, getting your

363
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:39,675
mindset straight and getting you aligned
and getting your foundation set, I think

364
00:19:39,675 --> 00:19:43,035
music is another one of them, because
if you want to get yourself in the right

365
00:19:43,044 --> 00:19:48,745
mindset, uh, start playing it, start
getting it, start setting it up to where

366
00:19:48,745 --> 00:19:53,755
it benefits you, uh, and getting you,
you know, Going in the right direction.

367
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:56,005
So I use it with every single client.

368
00:19:56,255 --> 00:19:57,585
Kat: Yeah, that's amazing.

369
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:02,165
And, um, when you were growing up and
you're saying, you know, that you had

370
00:20:02,165 --> 00:20:07,375
such a strict upbringing and all, and
then finding out that, you know, the

371
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:11,244
dad that you thought was your dad was
actually your stepfather at age 14, right?

372
00:20:11,305 --> 00:20:16,685
All of these things, obviously there's
so many range of emotions and thoughts

373
00:20:16,685 --> 00:20:18,835
that can go through a child's mind.

374
00:20:18,915 --> 00:20:22,034
Uh, when you go through
that, um, did you have any.

375
00:20:22,275 --> 00:20:26,205
Mentor that kind of
helped you cope with that.

376
00:20:26,555 --> 00:20:27,275
Did you have any?

377
00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:27,445
And

378
00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:29,345
Tony: yeah, my maternal grandfather.

379
00:20:29,345 --> 00:20:29,585
Yeah,

380
00:20:29,815 --> 00:20:30,175
Kat: awesome.

381
00:20:30,175 --> 00:20:32,985
And what did he, how did
he help you through that?

382
00:20:33,624 --> 00:20:39,165
Tony: He and my grandmother accepted
me and, you know, welcome me and

383
00:20:39,435 --> 00:20:43,654
allowed me to, I mean, we had
band practice in their garage.

384
00:20:44,970 --> 00:20:46,440
They, they allowed me to do that.

385
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:50,180
They, you know, they allowed me to
use their big old Oldsmobile Delta

386
00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:52,710
88, uh, to haul around the amps.

387
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,899
He actually co signed at like, like Moody.

388
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:57,870
I can't remember the music.

389
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:02,000
It was an old music store in LA, uh, that
we went up there and we bought this beater

390
00:21:02,189 --> 00:21:06,320
amp, you know, main amp system with a big
speed, big, huge speakers, you know, back

391
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,780
in the day, you know, they were just,
everything was a thousand pounds and

392
00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:11,480
the speakers were like bigger than me.

393
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,340
He actually co signed.

394
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:17,900
The, the little loan that we had with
them and, you know, we had to pay him

395
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:21,820
like 40 bucks a month or something, but
my grandfather drove up with us to LA

396
00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:26,250
and he co signed for, so we could have
our amps so we could start playing gigs.

397
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:31,680
So it was, yeah, there was, he was the
saving grace, he and my grandmother.

398
00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:34,369
And, uh, ultimately I ended up.

399
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:36,290
Uh, staying with them.

400
00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:39,630
I moved out of my right after
I graduated high school.

401
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:42,350
I actually stayed over there mostly.

402
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,919
And then when I ended up going to San
Diego State, when I always came back up

403
00:21:45,919 --> 00:21:51,270
to Orange County, which is about an hour
and 15 minutes drive over the weekends or

404
00:21:51,270 --> 00:21:52,899
whatever, I would always stay with them.

405
00:21:52,929 --> 00:21:53,510
So I ended them.

406
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:54,510
Staying.

407
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:57,100
I ended up moving in with
them because that was real.

408
00:21:57,110 --> 00:21:57,949
That was really my home.

409
00:21:57,949 --> 00:22:00,929
And I always considered that my
home more so than my other house.

410
00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:05,440
Kat: It just speaks volumes to me because
my grandmother was that for me too.

411
00:22:06,649 --> 00:22:10,190
Um, you know, my grandmother was
the one who, you know, took me to my

412
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:12,730
ballet lessons and my piano lessons.

413
00:22:12,730 --> 00:22:18,000
And, uh, Really encouraged me to, to
keep with piano and when I wanted to

414
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,959
quit, it was, she was there for me,
you know, so that just you sharing

415
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:28,230
that story just gives me that just
a flashback of how amazing, um,

416
00:22:28,410 --> 00:22:28,820
Tony: right?

417
00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:29,249
Yeah.

418
00:22:29,429 --> 00:22:31,279
How important is that to be?

419
00:22:31,495 --> 00:22:32,285
Something to have that.

420
00:22:32,285 --> 00:22:34,475
And that's why I want, I
wanted, always wanted that to

421
00:22:34,475 --> 00:22:36,035
be, you know, with my daughter.

422
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,705
And I always want that to
be with my granddaughter.

423
00:22:38,705 --> 00:22:42,454
I told my grandkids, uh, my granddaughter
is 10 and my grandson is eight.

424
00:22:42,525 --> 00:22:45,525
And, um, she's playing violin
now, which is super cool.

425
00:22:45,815 --> 00:22:49,195
But I always told him, I said, if you
guys ever, ever, ever want to do music

426
00:22:49,195 --> 00:22:51,345
lessons or singing lessons, I got it.

427
00:22:51,685 --> 00:22:52,285
I got it covered.

428
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:55,395
Just let me know, sign
up, and I got it covered.

429
00:22:55,945 --> 00:23:01,375
Because it's incredibly, incredibly
important, uh, to, I believe, to, for

430
00:23:01,415 --> 00:23:05,064
every single child to have music in
their life in some form or fashion.

431
00:23:05,115 --> 00:23:07,494
Or, or, or singing, or, you
know, anything like that.

432
00:23:08,225 --> 00:23:08,605
Kat: Yeah.

433
00:23:08,814 --> 00:23:09,584
Tony: What's it like,

434
00:23:09,614 --> 00:23:14,870
Lee: sorry, just jumping in, with, um,
you had the experience of, Seeing your

435
00:23:14,870 --> 00:23:19,500
grandfather be this example for you,
but now, you know, years later, you're

436
00:23:19,510 --> 00:23:21,770
being that for your own grandkids.

437
00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:25,020
What, how does that feel?

438
00:23:25,149 --> 00:23:25,590
Like, what,

439
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:29,170
Tony: what are you pulling from
that as, as you go through this?

440
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,449
It feels awesome, and I realized
that now I know why he was so happy.

441
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:37,900
Yeah, because he's like, He always
said, you know, both of them, my

442
00:23:37,900 --> 00:23:39,030
grandmother too, she was awesome.

443
00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:41,500
And they always said, you know,
being grandparents the best.

444
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:42,690
I'm like, okay, yeah, whatever.

445
00:23:42,690 --> 00:23:45,680
You know, you're older and you know,
you're slower and you move around.

446
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,119
You get to, you feed, you know,
you let me have more candy than my

447
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,140
mom and dad, but you know, what's,
you know, what's the difference.

448
00:23:50,619 --> 00:23:54,710
But then you get to be a grandparent
and it's, it's just the greatest.

449
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,800
Because you're, because you're not in
that position where you need to be good

450
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,810
cop and or bad cop, uh, you're in a
position where you can be supportive

451
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:06,989
and you can also be in a position where
you can be a friend, but not a friend.

452
00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:07,749
If that makes sense.

453
00:24:07,749 --> 00:24:12,380
You can be somebody that's, that's there
and listens and ask questions and, uh,

454
00:24:12,410 --> 00:24:16,520
and gets them to be involved in something
where you guys can be a team on something,

455
00:24:17,020 --> 00:24:21,010
uh, without having to straddle the parent.

456
00:24:21,230 --> 00:24:25,250
Line because sometimes with the
parent line, it's hard to do that

457
00:24:25,550 --> 00:24:29,340
and keep the boundary where you need
to have it because a lot of parents

458
00:24:29,389 --> 00:24:34,250
nowadays are trying to be the best
friend and that doesn't work at all.

459
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:39,209
I think we've seen the results of
that, uh, you know, so that way, but

460
00:24:39,209 --> 00:24:43,549
the grandparent can be, uh, without,
without undermining, uh, the parents.

461
00:24:43,689 --> 00:24:46,479
So that's, that's why I
absolutely, and I take that from

462
00:24:46,479 --> 00:24:47,859
my grandfather and my grandmother.

463
00:24:48,710 --> 00:24:54,330
Because all I'm, all I'm doing is really
just emulating and modeling exactly what

464
00:24:54,330 --> 00:24:59,059
I was taught by them in terms of, here it
is, the number one thing, being present.

465
00:25:00,780 --> 00:25:02,130
Kat: Yeah, that's really great.

466
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:08,329
Lee: With the modeling aspect, I just
was thinking back, um, after you had

467
00:25:08,329 --> 00:25:10,949
your separation, you're raising your
daughter on your own, not to go back

468
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:18,235
too far, but with, um, I have this
TV show, This is Us, in my head.

469
00:25:18,655 --> 00:25:23,175
There's this awesome scene where,
uh, this mom, she takes in, um,

470
00:25:23,195 --> 00:25:24,965
African American or a black kid.

471
00:25:25,435 --> 00:25:29,175
And then they're at the pool, and she
ends up going to these, um, black moms to

472
00:25:29,175 --> 00:25:30,915
kind of figure out, like, what do I do?

473
00:25:31,115 --> 00:25:34,194
You know, and just
connecting, um, through that.

474
00:25:34,525 --> 00:25:35,105
process.

475
00:25:35,105 --> 00:25:38,105
Did you have like female mentors
that were kind of helping you with

476
00:25:38,385 --> 00:25:39,465
raising your daughter or what?

477
00:25:39,775 --> 00:25:41,795
How did you figure some of that out?

478
00:25:41,935 --> 00:25:42,845
Tony: My mom did help.

479
00:25:43,545 --> 00:25:44,864
Yeah, a lot.

480
00:25:44,865 --> 00:25:49,184
It just, she was, as much as I was
in a very strict environment at the

481
00:25:49,184 --> 00:25:55,104
time, uh, growing up, uh, she was
very good at setting boundaries.

482
00:25:55,114 --> 00:26:00,835
She was very good at prioritizing, you
know, levels of, Discipline without being

483
00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:03,175
overboard at what she wasn't the issue.

484
00:26:03,185 --> 00:26:04,485
The big issue with me growing up.

485
00:26:04,685 --> 00:26:09,294
Uh, she was complicit in a lot of
that, but she wasn't the main gig.

486
00:26:09,294 --> 00:26:10,405
It was the step dad.

487
00:26:11,344 --> 00:26:12,774
So she taught me a lot.

488
00:26:12,784 --> 00:26:14,925
She actually helped me
a lot with my daughter.

489
00:26:15,445 --> 00:26:20,545
At the time, and for me, and you
know, people say, Oh, teenagers

490
00:26:20,545 --> 00:26:23,035
are the worst, or, you know,
they're hardest and most of it.

491
00:26:23,345 --> 00:26:28,555
I felt as though the first two, three
years were the most difficult, uh, with

492
00:26:28,565 --> 00:26:33,355
the infant, they can't talk, uh, and
it's a girl and there's different things.

493
00:26:33,665 --> 00:26:35,124
And I was like, I don't know.

494
00:26:35,274 --> 00:26:36,904
So my mom was really good.

495
00:26:36,904 --> 00:26:40,965
And at, in the early years, she
really did step up and help out a lot.

496
00:26:41,875 --> 00:26:41,925
Kat: That's

497
00:26:41,925 --> 00:26:42,195
Tony: awesome.

498
00:26:42,635 --> 00:26:46,815
Lee: As I, um, I've got three
different nieces, and they're

499
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:47,945
all at different stages.

500
00:26:47,955 --> 00:26:52,545
One's, um, looking at colleges,
one's in, uh, she just had her

501
00:26:52,545 --> 00:26:54,115
homecoming dance two nights ago.

502
00:26:54,504 --> 00:26:58,695
And then, um, The other one is in
eighth grade and it's just awesome

503
00:26:58,695 --> 00:27:01,645
watching them at different stages,
but it's, you know, that, that outside

504
00:27:01,645 --> 00:27:03,625
perspective, sometimes it's, it's great.

505
00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:09,025
I haven't experienced raising a daughter,
but seeing things that they do is

506
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:14,894
watching my, you know, my sister and my
brother raise them and making different

507
00:27:14,895 --> 00:27:19,624
decisions and trying to balance that
line of being a friend, being, you

508
00:27:19,624 --> 00:27:23,774
know, a parent and having to lay down
the law at the same time, balancing

509
00:27:23,774 --> 00:27:26,565
that with, you know, another like her.

510
00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:30,080
Her ex coming and having
say on different things.

511
00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:31,550
It really complicates.

512
00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:33,260
Tony: Yeah.

513
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:34,950
Again, that's a whole other show.

514
00:27:35,030 --> 00:27:40,110
Um, yeah, with, with the, especially with
an ex or a co parent and I use that term

515
00:27:40,110 --> 00:27:43,274
loosely, but, uh, that is not on board.

516
00:27:43,425 --> 00:27:48,495
The same page at not on the same universe
as you and I found myself a lot, which is

517
00:27:48,495 --> 00:27:52,675
the reason why ultimately I had reached
like 98 percent of the time because we

518
00:27:52,675 --> 00:27:56,565
tried to do the split thing and then
every time that she came back to me,

519
00:27:56,565 --> 00:28:00,965
I'd have to deprogram her or, you know,
like, Set her back in terms of a solid

520
00:28:00,965 --> 00:28:05,005
foundation from the absolute dumpster fire
that was happening at the other place.

521
00:28:05,015 --> 00:28:10,225
Because Rach, Rach as a kid, she didn't
understand the differences in terms of

522
00:28:10,235 --> 00:28:14,425
the way that the households were set up
and the boundaries and the systems that

523
00:28:14,425 --> 00:28:16,405
were or lack thereof that were in place.

524
00:28:16,785 --> 00:28:20,990
And so she came back and, you know,
kids just Kids just roll, right?

525
00:28:21,010 --> 00:28:24,430
I mean, their whole, their whole
reality is just like as far as

526
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:25,830
the nose in front of their face.

527
00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:28,830
And so they just keep in, so when
they get to the back to a place where

528
00:28:28,870 --> 00:28:33,000
there's expectations, you know, all
of a sudden it's just, you know,

529
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,100
it's just, it's crazy to rope her in.

530
00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:36,060
It's like herding cats.

531
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,214
And so no pun intended, right?

532
00:28:38,215 --> 00:28:39,244
Is

533
00:28:39,245 --> 00:28:41,865
Kat: this where, where the book came from?

534
00:28:41,885 --> 00:28:43,145
Surrounded by idiots?

535
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:46,115
Tony: Yeah, well, yeah, that
was, there are, let me just

536
00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:47,545
say without pointing fingers.

537
00:28:47,555 --> 00:28:48,265
Yes, exactly.

538
00:28:48,275 --> 00:28:51,035
That's exactly where it

539
00:28:51,035 --> 00:28:53,404
Kat: came from.

540
00:28:53,885 --> 00:28:54,875
That's hilarious.

541
00:28:56,285 --> 00:28:57,804
Lee: I was like, it's that or maybe.

542
00:28:57,965 --> 00:29:01,225
He watched Spaceballs and there's
that scene where Darth Helmet is like.

543
00:29:02,215 --> 00:29:05,735
Tony: I 100 percent yeah, Darth
Helmet is, is a, I'm a huge fan.

544
00:29:07,685 --> 00:29:09,045
For the record, that's a classic.

545
00:29:09,215 --> 00:29:13,345
Young Frankenstein is my favorite,
but Spaceballs is top three.

546
00:29:13,345 --> 00:29:15,104
Well,

547
00:29:15,285 --> 00:29:17,425
Kat: I just want to kind of
go back to what you said.

548
00:29:17,425 --> 00:29:21,475
Cause you know, when you, when
Rachel comes back to you, right.

549
00:29:21,835 --> 00:29:24,375
And you're like, well, I have to
set her again in a, in a solid

550
00:29:24,375 --> 00:29:25,555
foundation and all of that.

551
00:29:25,555 --> 00:29:25,859
Yeah.

552
00:29:26,030 --> 00:29:32,540
What do you think as, what would your
advice be to parents, um, uh, when it

553
00:29:32,540 --> 00:29:38,830
comes to, you know, the desire to, to
raise them into children who grow up into

554
00:29:38,830 --> 00:29:43,620
adults with brilliant minds and brave
hearts, what does that mean to you to

555
00:29:43,620 --> 00:29:50,380
grow into an adult to have a brilliant
mind and a brave heart and what's that

556
00:29:50,380 --> 00:29:53,190
foundation to set them up towards that?

557
00:29:53,430 --> 00:29:55,050
Tony: Yeah, there's two parts to that.

558
00:29:55,060 --> 00:29:58,860
And I appreciate because before the
show, you did send over some like

559
00:29:58,860 --> 00:30:01,360
some basis in terms of what we're
going to talk about, which I love.

560
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:03,950
And I should probably do that with
my with the people that on my show.

561
00:30:03,950 --> 00:30:05,630
I don't I just let it wing
and you know, you never know

562
00:30:05,630 --> 00:30:06,370
what's going to happen, right?

563
00:30:06,910 --> 00:30:08,070
But two things.

564
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,230
My background and my
foundation is stoicism.

565
00:30:11,450 --> 00:30:14,550
And from my PhD, it's always
stoic philosophy and stoicism

566
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,020
is courage and discipline.

567
00:30:16,020 --> 00:30:16,070
One.

568
00:30:16,485 --> 00:30:17,745
And justice and wisdom.

569
00:30:17,785 --> 00:30:22,765
Those are the four pillars that I've
that I set and that I set for my

570
00:30:22,765 --> 00:30:23,965
daughter to when we're growing up.

571
00:30:24,135 --> 00:30:26,785
You also you asked a question,
and I think this is what you're

572
00:30:26,785 --> 00:30:27,835
referring to in your question.

573
00:30:27,835 --> 00:30:31,795
You asked was, uh, what can
parents do to nurture creativity?

574
00:30:32,325 --> 00:30:36,145
I think this is like one of the most
important questions, uh, and in the thing

575
00:30:36,145 --> 00:30:40,805
is, I think a lot of parents, a lot of
parents are so involved in the now and

576
00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:45,565
so involved in the crisis and reaction
that they don't, they're not proactive on

577
00:30:45,565 --> 00:30:47,635
these things in terms of setting them up.

578
00:30:47,635 --> 00:30:49,690
So the first thing is,
First thing is easy.

579
00:30:49,690 --> 00:30:53,590
It's just model the behavior,
model the behavior, model,

580
00:30:53,590 --> 00:30:58,070
discipline, model, courage, model,
be consistent, you know, anything.

581
00:30:58,100 --> 00:31:00,380
The funny thing is, you know, a lot of
parents think, Oh, you know, I, you know,

582
00:31:00,910 --> 00:31:05,630
do as I say, not as I do type of a thing,
uh, they do, you know, they do something.

583
00:31:06,010 --> 00:31:07,440
Kids are total sponges.

584
00:31:08,415 --> 00:31:12,455
And they, not just consciously,
but subconsciously, and they'll

585
00:31:12,455 --> 00:31:14,635
pick up on every single thing.

586
00:31:14,795 --> 00:31:18,305
And if they keep picking up on
the parent being, you know, out

587
00:31:18,305 --> 00:31:22,615
of integrity, what, what kind of
modeling is that for the kids?

588
00:31:22,885 --> 00:31:24,955
And so model behavior,
it's really important.

589
00:31:24,955 --> 00:31:28,065
And it'll make you a better person
too, because it'll keep you on track.

590
00:31:28,490 --> 00:31:30,910
It's like, you know, it's just
like self checking yourself.

591
00:31:31,570 --> 00:31:35,310
The second thing is create
tangible boundaries that allow

592
00:31:35,330 --> 00:31:36,660
room for self expression.

593
00:31:37,810 --> 00:31:38,850
So create boundaries.

594
00:31:38,850 --> 00:31:41,490
It could, again, the best friend thing
and letting them run the household

595
00:31:41,490 --> 00:31:44,720
is a terrible idea because they're
just not, they're not set for it.

596
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,370
Plus kids, as much as they hate it.

597
00:31:46,765 --> 00:31:47,905
Like they'll tell you they hate it.

598
00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:51,855
They love boundaries because they
know if they know and there's

599
00:31:51,865 --> 00:31:54,065
not a level of insecurity.

600
00:31:54,075 --> 00:31:57,745
There's not a level of fear of not of
like what's gonna happen if there's a

601
00:31:57,745 --> 00:32:02,235
safety net there that they know that
they can play in like the bounce house.

602
00:32:02,325 --> 00:32:03,435
All the four walls are there.

603
00:32:03,435 --> 00:32:04,375
They know that they're there.

604
00:32:04,645 --> 00:32:08,185
Then they're that as much
as they'll whine about it.

605
00:32:08,745 --> 00:32:10,035
It's a good thing for them.

606
00:32:10,375 --> 00:32:12,705
But in that context, I
always told my daughter.

607
00:32:12,705 --> 00:32:12,735
Yeah.

608
00:32:13,365 --> 00:32:16,385
And everybody in my family, and this
is where we had a big blowout with the

609
00:32:16,385 --> 00:32:21,105
family, because they thought I gave her
way too much room for self expression.

610
00:32:21,735 --> 00:32:23,585
And I said, yeah, that's
exactly what I'm doing.

611
00:32:23,835 --> 00:32:27,665
Because we still have our agreement
that there's levels of respect.

612
00:32:28,005 --> 00:32:28,975
I'm still the dad.

613
00:32:29,305 --> 00:32:32,325
I'm not the buddy and
you've got to respect that.

614
00:32:32,325 --> 00:32:37,165
And if you do step over the line,
which she did, then, uh, you,

615
00:32:37,175 --> 00:32:38,615
then there's consequences to that.

616
00:32:39,345 --> 00:32:42,475
But the key is, is that in order
for anything to happen from a

617
00:32:42,475 --> 00:32:45,175
creativity standpoint, you've
got to give them enough rope.

618
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:50,270
You have to, it can't be a super small
bubble to live in because they'll never

619
00:32:50,270 --> 00:32:53,450
be able, they'll never trust themselves
in that because they don't have the room

620
00:32:53,450 --> 00:32:58,570
to trust themselves and it'll just be,
it'll end up being, you know, something

621
00:32:58,570 --> 00:33:01,840
that it'll fester within them and then
they'll have to go to therapy and believe

622
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,740
me, that's, you know, that's super fun.

623
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,360
The next thing is to
prioritize being present.

624
00:33:07,595 --> 00:33:08,215
With your child.

625
00:33:08,545 --> 00:33:10,145
And that's the thing my
grandfather and grandmother did.

626
00:33:10,865 --> 00:33:13,335
And the thing that I do, I
try to do as much as I can.

627
00:33:13,365 --> 00:33:14,805
Be present with them.

628
00:33:15,035 --> 00:33:16,395
Put the stupid phone down.

629
00:33:17,115 --> 00:33:19,395
Uh, play UNO for the 27th time.

630
00:33:21,115 --> 00:33:21,275
Yeah.

631
00:33:21,725 --> 00:33:22,015
Right?

632
00:33:22,065 --> 00:33:24,435
Which I did this morning because
my granddaughter slept over.

633
00:33:24,445 --> 00:33:25,555
She had a sleepover last night.

634
00:33:26,165 --> 00:33:28,355
Uh, you know, be, be present, right?

635
00:33:28,415 --> 00:33:30,265
Uh, color the picture with them.

636
00:33:31,585 --> 00:33:31,965
Right?

637
00:33:32,055 --> 00:33:33,155
Sing the song with them.

638
00:33:33,835 --> 00:33:35,795
Be present is really important.

639
00:33:36,135 --> 00:33:39,415
Encourage critical thinking
and problem solving through

640
00:33:39,415 --> 00:33:42,045
asking questions with the kids.

641
00:33:42,625 --> 00:33:46,935
The study in a lot of the confidence
books that I read in terms of the

642
00:33:46,935 --> 00:33:51,875
basis of my education, there's, there's
a study that one of the greatest

643
00:33:51,905 --> 00:33:56,545
confidence creators in children is
to ask them to teach you something.

644
00:33:57,755 --> 00:33:57,825
Oh,

645
00:33:58,085 --> 00:33:58,295
Kat: so

646
00:33:58,295 --> 00:33:58,635
Tony: good.

647
00:33:59,115 --> 00:34:00,225
Ask them to teach you something.

648
00:34:00,365 --> 00:34:03,065
I bet, I mean, I don't know if you've
done that personally, uh, Kat, with

649
00:34:03,065 --> 00:34:05,965
any of your clients or something, but
it, it, that's a, that's a good, I

650
00:34:05,965 --> 00:34:07,425
know a lot of teachers use that, too.

651
00:34:07,865 --> 00:34:10,855
It's kind of that whole thing where,
okay, say it back to me type of a thing.

652
00:34:11,195 --> 00:34:13,945
You know, just kind of repeat it
and see if they, and then they teach

653
00:34:13,945 --> 00:34:15,055
you something and, oh, okay, great.

654
00:34:15,255 --> 00:34:16,325
But that's so powerful.

655
00:34:16,335 --> 00:34:20,805
Those are the things, um, oh, and then
the last thing is, uh, embrace failure

656
00:34:20,835 --> 00:34:24,125
as a really, really important learning.

657
00:34:24,830 --> 00:34:29,150
And expansive tool failure
is not a bad thing.

658
00:34:29,470 --> 00:34:31,270
It's the way that you learn.

659
00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:33,130
It's the way that you grow.

660
00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:37,600
It shows that you're taking steps
because if you don't take steps,

661
00:34:37,660 --> 00:34:38,800
then you're not going to fail.

662
00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:39,770
If you don't fail, you don't take it.

663
00:34:39,780 --> 00:34:43,070
You know, it's just so those are the
things that I would say to nurture,

664
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,140
um, very art, you know, the art, the
artistic and expressive nature and

665
00:34:47,140 --> 00:34:51,060
Children and to allow them to develop
into their own person, which isn't

666
00:34:51,060 --> 00:34:52,430
that our job in the first place?

667
00:34:52,430 --> 00:34:52,480
Mhm.

668
00:34:53,115 --> 00:34:56,285
You know, that those are the
steps that I would say to take.

669
00:34:56,315 --> 00:34:56,775
Lee: Yeah.

670
00:34:56,775 --> 00:35:01,605
And that's so many, so many different
questions and statements going up to

671
00:35:01,605 --> 00:35:05,615
my head because there's, there's so
much in just those, those few points.

672
00:35:05,945 --> 00:35:10,545
But I think the bubble, you know, if
you keep too tight of a leash, just

673
00:35:10,555 --> 00:35:16,365
being in higher education for the last
20 years, when they get that freedom,

674
00:35:16,495 --> 00:35:20,885
they get that chance to just be on
their own, whoo, the decisions that are

675
00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:23,105
made because they just haven't had any.

676
00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:24,625
Any freedom at all.

677
00:35:24,635 --> 00:35:29,075
So then they just run until they hit a
wall, you know, and then have to learn

678
00:35:29,195 --> 00:35:33,585
about those boundaries and then on the
other side to where they just run and

679
00:35:33,585 --> 00:35:37,455
run and run and run and run and run, you
know, the mom and dad aren't going to be

680
00:35:37,455 --> 00:35:38,975
the ones necessary to pull on the rope.

681
00:35:39,330 --> 00:35:42,990
But somebody in the community is going
to have to, and that usually is a harder

682
00:35:43,260 --> 00:35:45,670
yank than what mom and dad will do.

683
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:46,880
Tougher lesson.

684
00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:47,440
Yeah.

685
00:35:47,470 --> 00:35:48,080
Yeah.

686
00:35:48,150 --> 00:35:48,550
Yeah.

687
00:35:48,550 --> 00:35:50,000
Tony: There's so, yeah.

688
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,860
So I love, I love those
statements of what you just said.

689
00:35:51,860 --> 00:35:52,140
Go ahead.

690
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:55,320
It's funny you brought that up because
my first year as a freshman, I was a,

691
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,620
I graduated seven out of 800 people.

692
00:35:57,865 --> 00:35:58,115
Right.

693
00:35:58,115 --> 00:35:59,545
I was like 3.

694
00:35:59,545 --> 00:36:00,895
96, whatever.

695
00:36:01,275 --> 00:36:04,145
And, uh, and got into Cal State
Fullerton is where I went.

696
00:36:04,145 --> 00:36:05,375
I was going to be an engineer.

697
00:36:05,395 --> 00:36:05,785
I was there.

698
00:36:05,785 --> 00:36:07,675
I was an engineer for three
weeks, but that's another story.

699
00:36:08,405 --> 00:36:08,605
And then

700
00:36:08,615 --> 00:36:09,955
Kat: finance and then psychology.

701
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:10,825
Tony: Yeah.

702
00:36:10,825 --> 00:36:11,655
And then, oh yeah.

703
00:36:11,655 --> 00:36:12,625
And then biology.

704
00:36:12,625 --> 00:36:14,785
And I mean, I did like
eight different majors.

705
00:36:14,785 --> 00:36:15,575
It was ridiculous.

706
00:36:15,935 --> 00:36:17,855
So I ended up, uh, ended up getting there.

707
00:36:17,855 --> 00:36:20,065
It took, you know, 15 units
of typical, you know, whatever

708
00:36:20,065 --> 00:36:21,045
workload, not a big deal.

709
00:36:21,330 --> 00:36:24,940
You know, chemistry, because I love
that stuff and I was really good at it.

710
00:36:24,950 --> 00:36:25,190
Right.

711
00:36:25,430 --> 00:36:28,990
So of course, just like you said,
you know, getting into a university,

712
00:36:29,210 --> 00:36:31,670
getting there, absolutely imploded.

713
00:36:31,870 --> 00:36:35,170
First of all, joined a
fraternity, worst mistake ever.

714
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:39,740
Uh, had all those classes, had, had
to dump the lab, like eight and a

715
00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:41,490
half minutes into my college career.

716
00:36:41,510 --> 00:36:43,210
Cause there's no way I'm
showing up for the lab.

717
00:36:43,220 --> 00:36:43,580
Right.

718
00:36:44,010 --> 00:36:47,120
And then, uh, and then ultimately
I got, uh, I, I dropped classes.

719
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,520
I got a C and a D I'd never
gotten anything less than a B.

720
00:36:50,820 --> 00:36:51,540
My life.

721
00:36:52,140 --> 00:36:52,200
. 
Kat: Yeah.

722
00:36:52,530 --> 00:36:53,550
Tony: And then, and you know why?

723
00:36:53,550 --> 00:36:57,950
Because the exact thing you just said,
that's why, 'cause I was such a tight

724
00:36:57,950 --> 00:36:59,150
little bubble that I got out there.

725
00:36:59,150 --> 00:36:59,900
I was like, woo-hoo.

726
00:37:00,770 --> 00:37:02,030
Right Party time.

727
00:37:02,030 --> 00:37:05,270
I mean, I didn't even like
beer until like 20 minutes into

728
00:37:05,570 --> 00:37:07,070
stepping into the fraternity.

729
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,980
And then you don't have a choice, right?

730
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,400
They, they hand you a beer bong and
that's like the rest of your semester.

731
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:18,680
So, uh, and so I completely agree with
that and I bet you see that a lot.

732
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:23,480
Lee: Yeah, yeah, it is, it's, it is a
parent's responsibility, but also in

733
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,390
the society that we live in, there's so
many messages that are going out there

734
00:37:26,390 --> 00:37:29,790
in social media and TV, you know, what's
the right thing to do as a parent, what's

735
00:37:29,790 --> 00:37:33,140
the wrong thing to do as a parent, but
you really, like your point where you

736
00:37:33,140 --> 00:37:38,100
have to know your child, you have to
know what they need to really get those

737
00:37:38,100 --> 00:37:43,390
boundaries set for themselves and not, not
be, you know, Uh, a dictator over it, uh,

738
00:37:43,420 --> 00:37:50,420
but also not be the, you know, foo foo,
tree huggin Like, just completely free

739
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,070
Tony: end of things, you know?

740
00:37:52,410 --> 00:37:52,990
That balance.

741
00:37:53,350 --> 00:37:54,060
Exactly.

742
00:37:54,060 --> 00:37:55,240
And it's not impossible.

743
00:37:55,290 --> 00:37:56,620
The, the balance is not impossible.

744
00:37:56,770 --> 00:38:00,510
And the way you know your, your child
is to, is to be present with a child

745
00:38:00,510 --> 00:38:03,760
and ask questions of the child, because
not all kids, every kid's different,

746
00:38:03,770 --> 00:38:06,550
as you know, because you, you know, you
work with kids, every kid's different.

747
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,850
And, you know, they respond
to different things.

748
00:38:08,850 --> 00:38:11,470
They stimulate, stimulate
to different things.

749
00:38:11,470 --> 00:38:16,000
They, you know, some things it just,
so you have to learn about your kid.

750
00:38:16,230 --> 00:38:18,600
And I got to tell you, and
I've told my daughter this too.

751
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,070
I said, you know, nowadays, I think
parents have it a lot tougher.

752
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:23,890
Now they really do.

753
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:27,100
I mean, I, I brought Rach up
in the pre internet stuff.

754
00:38:27,110 --> 00:38:28,650
All that stuff was just kind of coming in.

755
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,710
I mean, shoot, I didn't even get a
computer till I was in my late twenties.

756
00:38:33,090 --> 00:38:38,690
So, uh, and used a pager, you know,
so, uh, nowadays with social media and.

757
00:38:39,345 --> 00:38:45,995
It's crazy because kids minds are
very impressionable and they, more so

758
00:38:45,995 --> 00:38:51,825
now than ever, they need balance and
guidance and structure and, uh, you

759
00:38:51,825 --> 00:38:56,475
know, expectations, like, realistic,
and, uh, so, and that's the parent's job.

760
00:38:57,945 --> 00:39:00,185
Lee: One thing I do appreciate
with, at least with.

761
00:39:00,550 --> 00:39:03,160
My brother and sisters, they, they
collect cell phones at the end of the

762
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:08,260
night so they can kind of like go through
a scan and make sure how, how wild, you

763
00:39:08,260 --> 00:39:09,390
know, things are getting and whatnot.

764
00:39:09,390 --> 00:39:11,320
And then the kids also
know that that's coming.

765
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,990
So then they kind of restrict themselves.

766
00:39:14,630 --> 00:39:15,370
Or they delete it.

767
00:39:16,220 --> 00:39:16,480
Yeah.

768
00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:17,670
True.

769
00:39:17,830 --> 00:39:18,120
Yeah.

770
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,400
But then, you know, there, there is
that trust though that's built up where,

771
00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:24,920
like, I know I'm going to get into
certain trouble if I go too far with

772
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,880
this research or I start going down
this rabbit hole of whatever it is.

773
00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:31,630
Um, when you're working with.

774
00:39:32,005 --> 00:39:37,915
Uh, what women specifically, that can be
a danger that opens up a lot of different

775
00:39:37,925 --> 00:39:41,705
worlds, you know, how, how do you,
how do you kind of navigate that with.

776
00:39:42,180 --> 00:39:45,660
With the women that you're working with,
or even maybe it's with your, you know,

777
00:39:45,660 --> 00:39:47,210
with your daughter, with your grandkids.

778
00:39:47,370 --> 00:39:50,920
Tony: Uh, you mean in terms of like
creating the expectations or, or,

779
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:55,740
uh, Yeah, and creating like kind
of self guidance, self regulation.

780
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,910
Yeah, that's, that's it, right?

781
00:39:57,950 --> 00:40:02,250
I mean, that's the huge thing, especially
nowadays, because the, as much as it has

782
00:40:02,250 --> 00:40:06,795
been in the past to where And I won't get
into the whole thing about different power

783
00:40:06,795 --> 00:40:12,805
plays and people making decisions for
you and really downplaying your opinions

784
00:40:12,805 --> 00:40:14,215
and saying, no, we know what's right.

785
00:40:14,215 --> 00:40:15,115
And, you know, that kind of stuff.

786
00:40:15,415 --> 00:40:20,865
But creating a level of independence
and autonomy within the kid is just

787
00:40:20,865 --> 00:40:22,984
about empowering them to be them.

788
00:40:23,255 --> 00:40:24,535
And that's true confidence.

789
00:40:24,545 --> 00:40:27,365
True confidence is not about
being competent about stuff

790
00:40:27,365 --> 00:40:28,305
and knowing everything.

791
00:40:28,315 --> 00:40:28,925
God, no.

792
00:40:28,925 --> 00:40:30,155
You know, nobody knows everything, right?

793
00:40:30,155 --> 00:40:31,575
But, you know, people
think that they have to.

794
00:40:31,915 --> 00:40:36,515
It's about just being cool with
yourself and your foundation

795
00:40:36,765 --> 00:40:39,105
and accepting it warts and all.

796
00:40:39,855 --> 00:40:44,945
And it, and the best thing and the gift
you can give anybody and kids and, and

797
00:40:44,955 --> 00:40:48,695
the reason why I do what I do and I talk
to my clients all the time is because

798
00:40:48,705 --> 00:40:50,285
that's the one thing I want to give them.

799
00:40:50,455 --> 00:40:53,555
I want to give them what I already see in
them that they don't see in themselves.

800
00:40:53,825 --> 00:40:54,405
Kat: Yeah.

801
00:40:54,595 --> 00:40:54,955
Yeah.

802
00:40:55,075 --> 00:40:56,855
Tony: Is the fact that
they have this power.

803
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,065
It's incredible.

804
00:40:58,865 --> 00:40:59,595
Kat: Absolutely.

805
00:40:59,985 --> 00:41:03,035
I love that you're talking
about like the self regulation.

806
00:41:03,475 --> 00:41:08,715
I really tie it back to like piano
I, I keep going back to when you're

807
00:41:08,715 --> 00:41:10,315
learning to play an instrument.

808
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:14,000
It's one of the very, you know,
unless you're in a band, but even

809
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,030
when you're in a band, right?

810
00:41:15,430 --> 00:41:18,760
You still have to learn things
on your own, alone, right?

811
00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:20,720
It's very different than dance.

812
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:22,930
Usually dance, you go to a dance
studio, you're with friends.

813
00:41:23,210 --> 00:41:27,320
Sports team, you go to, you know,
sports and you practice your

814
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,980
sport with a bunch of people.

815
00:41:29,190 --> 00:41:30,590
Drama club, the same thing.

816
00:41:30,590 --> 00:41:33,370
You have to, you have to
run lines with other people.

817
00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:35,390
There's always someone
there with you, usually.

818
00:41:35,830 --> 00:41:37,270
And we play a musical instrument.

819
00:41:38,065 --> 00:41:42,655
You have to sit down by yourself
and to just do it by yourself.

820
00:41:42,655 --> 00:41:43,845
No one's keeping you accountable.

821
00:41:43,855 --> 00:41:46,925
No one's, you know, when you make a
mistake, no one's telling you what to do.

822
00:41:46,935 --> 00:41:51,225
Like, it's almost like you have to
learn how to practice by yourself.

823
00:41:51,245 --> 00:41:55,155
And that's a level of self
regulation that I feel like I got

824
00:41:55,195 --> 00:41:57,295
as a child that I didn't know.

825
00:41:57,585 --> 00:42:01,170
And as an adult, I realized, oh my
gosh, the hours I was It's putting

826
00:42:01,430 --> 00:42:04,670
sitting on a piano bench actually
taught me what it means to like self

827
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,250
regulate self discipline myself.

828
00:42:08,530 --> 00:42:08,960
Tony: Yeah.

829
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,060
That's, isn't that huge?

830
00:42:10,090 --> 00:42:10,750
That's huge.

831
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:11,740
Kat: It's huge.

832
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:12,090
Yeah.

833
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,980
Tony: What a tool to be taught without
even understanding really what you

834
00:42:14,980 --> 00:42:16,720
were being taught, but that is so true.

835
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:19,030
And it's, it's something
that I don't think.

836
00:42:19,845 --> 00:42:25,805
Is as widespread as it used to be, because
we're in this three second and then move

837
00:42:25,805 --> 00:42:30,735
on to the next thing environment now,
instead of putting the time in creating

838
00:42:30,735 --> 00:42:35,895
a foundational, you know, process within
yourself and, you know, like I like I say

839
00:42:35,895 --> 00:42:39,035
with my clients when they have an issue.

840
00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:40,450
And they come into me.

841
00:42:40,550 --> 00:42:43,360
It's not about it's not
about saving the world.

842
00:42:43,620 --> 00:42:47,870
It's about taking a piece of that,
like a small piece and learning

843
00:42:47,870 --> 00:42:51,250
how to work through creating
a solution to the small piece.

844
00:42:51,550 --> 00:42:56,760
It's taking that small step to create
a foundation and a plan to move on

845
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:01,690
to something else and and sitting
there and learning how to practice and

846
00:43:01,690 --> 00:43:03,640
learning how to maybe be frustrated.

847
00:43:03,690 --> 00:43:04,639
God knows you see the you.

848
00:43:05,630 --> 00:43:06,870
frustrates the heck out of me, right?

849
00:43:07,300 --> 00:43:11,350
But learning that that's part of the
process and then being okay with it,

850
00:43:11,350 --> 00:43:16,060
especially for a perfectionist, I mean,
is such a huge asset to have because

851
00:43:16,070 --> 00:43:20,820
that translates into any other thing
you can do in terms of expanding your

852
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:26,310
life in terms of relationships or career
or, you know, building a car in your

853
00:43:26,310 --> 00:43:28,590
garage or whatever the case may be.

854
00:43:29,170 --> 00:43:32,020
That's a core foundational learning.

855
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:37,780
And that's why that and again, another
reason why music is awesome and learning

856
00:43:37,810 --> 00:43:39,500
and learning an instrument is amazing.

857
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:41,570
Kat: Yeah, absolutely.

858
00:43:42,130 --> 00:43:45,700
How do you think can, aside
from, you know, all of the other

859
00:43:45,700 --> 00:43:47,850
things, uh, when it comes to.

860
00:43:48,300 --> 00:43:52,520
Music and, uh, kind of like
teaching kids leadership values.

861
00:43:52,900 --> 00:43:56,650
Um, what is another thing that comes to
your mind when it comes to instilling

862
00:43:56,650 --> 00:44:00,010
that into kids through creativity,
maybe not just music, but through

863
00:44:00,010 --> 00:44:03,940
creativity in general, you know, um,
another leadership value that you feel

864
00:44:03,940 --> 00:44:08,560
is so important as an adult that can be
instilled, uh, into a child's life at a

865
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,780
young age through creativity and music.

866
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,750
Tony: Self accountability, because
I, especially, especially with music,

867
00:44:14,790 --> 00:44:17,920
like you just said, practicing,
you know, if you say, listen.

868
00:44:18,425 --> 00:44:22,335
In order to get to a certain point, this
is the sacrifice that you have to make.

869
00:44:22,595 --> 00:44:25,065
And how many times have you heard,
in fact, I heard Elton John say this.

870
00:44:25,825 --> 00:44:29,575
He said, you know, I wanted to be the
guy out there playing after school.

871
00:44:29,795 --> 00:44:30,305
Outside.

872
00:44:30,875 --> 00:44:31,535
Outside playing.

873
00:44:31,585 --> 00:44:32,705
Like with all the other kids.

874
00:44:33,155 --> 00:44:37,305
He goes, but, you know, my mom or I
think it was his aunt or somebody that

875
00:44:37,305 --> 00:44:39,815
he said, no, but I, I had my studies.

876
00:44:39,845 --> 00:44:43,905
I had my Piano teachings and,
you know, going through that, he

877
00:44:43,905 --> 00:44:45,085
goes, you know, now look back.

878
00:44:45,105 --> 00:44:48,105
It's like, obviously, it's
awesome because the guy's amazing.

879
00:44:48,105 --> 00:44:48,345
Right.

880
00:44:48,805 --> 00:44:53,145
But he said at the time, he didn't realize
that that's what he was being taught.

881
00:44:53,155 --> 00:44:57,915
He was being taught a level of
accountability in terms of doing

882
00:44:57,915 --> 00:45:00,255
something that you committed
to and following through.

883
00:45:00,375 --> 00:45:02,425
How huge is that, especially nowadays?

884
00:45:02,890 --> 00:45:03,380
Kat: Yeah.

885
00:45:03,700 --> 00:45:04,060
Yeah.

886
00:45:04,530 --> 00:45:05,100
Amazing.

887
00:45:05,430 --> 00:45:07,350
Well, Tony, this is so wonderful.

888
00:45:07,380 --> 00:45:08,900
Just talking to you
about all these things.

889
00:45:09,090 --> 00:45:11,810
I know we could go on and on
and on and on and on and on.

890
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:16,160
Tony: Don't get us starting to
talk about music or Pepperdine

891
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:17,160
because forget about it, man.

892
00:45:17,170 --> 00:45:18,880
This will be like a 10 hour show.

893
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:27,270
Kat: Um, but if you were to kind of leave
our audience with, uh, your idea of a

894
00:45:27,270 --> 00:45:29,920
wildly wealthy life, What would that be?

895
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,850
Tony: I'm glad you got to this because I,
I, yeah, I made some notes because I, I

896
00:45:33,850 --> 00:45:36,820
love the name, the wildly wealthy life.

897
00:45:36,850 --> 00:45:37,640
I just love that.

898
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:42,200
And this is a guy I'm pointing to
myself for you people who are listening

899
00:45:42,220 --> 00:45:47,030
without seeing that uh, that money
was everything to me because we, we

900
00:45:47,030 --> 00:45:48,660
were brought up with not having a lot.

901
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:53,080
And so the whole focus of my family was,
you know, not having a lot of money.

902
00:45:53,170 --> 00:45:57,800
That was that defined everything
about us and me and my mindset.

903
00:45:58,140 --> 00:46:01,220
So it took a lot to get out
of that, like a lot, a lot.

904
00:46:01,220 --> 00:46:04,480
And of course, it was my daughter, you
know, talk about, you know, pivotal, they

905
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:06,500
call them nodal events in psychology.

906
00:46:06,500 --> 00:46:10,350
Nodal events are those things that are
like, Completely change your life, like

907
00:46:10,350 --> 00:46:14,000
maybe not instantaneously, but definitely
set you on a totally different path and

908
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:19,380
where you were and, you know, and that
she did that for me and bringing her up.

909
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,970
So the wildly wealthy life, of
course, you hear it from a lot of

910
00:46:22,980 --> 00:46:25,860
people and it is what it is, right?

911
00:46:25,860 --> 00:46:29,400
But the wealthy has zero to do with money.

912
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:33,920
You know, the, the, the money is a part
of it, but the overall definition and

913
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,770
the concept is nothing to do with money.

914
00:46:35,770 --> 00:46:37,690
It has to do with enrichment.

915
00:46:37,700 --> 00:46:39,410
It has do with the joy.

916
00:46:39,410 --> 00:46:41,740
It has to do with really figuring
out why the heck that you're

917
00:46:41,740 --> 00:46:43,900
here or why you want to be here.

918
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:48,280
And for me, the wildly wealthy
life is a life unfolding in

919
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:49,630
alignment with my values.

920
00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:54,610
If I can, if I can align my values
and my foundation, my, you know, my,

921
00:46:54,630 --> 00:46:57,720
my stoic value, you know, courage,
discipline, justice, wisdom, you

922
00:46:57,720 --> 00:46:59,110
know, accountability, all that stuff.

923
00:46:59,810 --> 00:47:03,800
If I can align that with my
actions consistently, which, hey,

924
00:47:03,860 --> 00:47:05,220
you know, I'm like anybody else.

925
00:47:05,260 --> 00:47:06,930
There's good days and bad days, right?

926
00:47:06,930 --> 00:47:10,760
I mean, the older you get, the easier
it gets from what I've figured out.

927
00:47:11,420 --> 00:47:15,780
But the more I can do that, the, the more
I feel in alignment and I feel as though

928
00:47:16,090 --> 00:47:20,540
not only does that benefit me, but then
I'm modeling it to people around me.

929
00:47:20,900 --> 00:47:22,820
And I'm also that energy.

930
00:47:23,715 --> 00:47:24,485
Is expressed.

931
00:47:24,495 --> 00:47:28,665
And I think that energy is, is shown
and it just creates more positive

932
00:47:28,665 --> 00:47:30,489
energy in the universe because.

933
00:47:30,820 --> 00:47:31,740
I believe in that stuff.

934
00:47:32,170 --> 00:47:37,370
The second thing is, is that my
goals also align with my values.

935
00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:40,680
So if I have that and I'm aligned,
then my goals that I'd set for

936
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:43,860
myself and for my family are
going to align with that as well.

937
00:47:43,860 --> 00:47:49,570
And, and almost take, almost pull
me into the life that I want.

938
00:47:50,475 --> 00:47:54,145
And the life that is, you know, that
is wealthy, it's a wealthy life.

939
00:47:54,675 --> 00:47:58,615
Um, a really important part about
having a wildly wealthy life

940
00:47:58,635 --> 00:48:00,715
is having a supportive tribe.

941
00:48:01,075 --> 00:48:03,855
You cannot do anything on your own.

942
00:48:04,935 --> 00:48:05,385
You can't.

943
00:48:05,505 --> 00:48:07,995
I mean, you know, you really can't.

944
00:48:08,475 --> 00:48:10,265
You have, you've got to have some support.

945
00:48:10,645 --> 00:48:12,195
You've got to have that support.

946
00:48:12,595 --> 00:48:15,535
So I think a tribe is insanely important.

947
00:48:15,745 --> 00:48:17,485
And, uh, my family is my tribe.

948
00:48:17,615 --> 00:48:18,034
My tribe.

949
00:48:18,295 --> 00:48:21,285
You know, me and my, the little
minions, all, all, all of us.

950
00:48:21,865 --> 00:48:25,655
And then, um, the last but not least, and
this goes back to the old psychology, I'm

951
00:48:25,655 --> 00:48:30,725
a very, I'm a kind of a Maslow guy, the,
the, you know, the hierarchy of needs.

952
00:48:31,715 --> 00:48:35,875
So it's giving and giving to
me is understanding and being

953
00:48:35,875 --> 00:48:37,715
okay with all this inside now.

954
00:48:37,905 --> 00:48:39,115
And now I can give it out.

955
00:48:39,335 --> 00:48:41,065
And that's self actualization.

956
00:48:41,445 --> 00:48:42,745
That's the top of the pyramid.

957
00:48:43,055 --> 00:48:46,085
So if you can get to the point where
you're cool and you're set and you're

958
00:48:46,085 --> 00:48:49,025
all good and you're not worried
about your own stuff and, you know,

959
00:48:49,025 --> 00:48:53,055
blindsided by that and you can, you
know, see through the clouds and help

960
00:48:53,065 --> 00:48:57,085
people out and share not only share
tangible things, but share your energy.

961
00:48:57,975 --> 00:48:58,625
That's giving.

962
00:48:59,380 --> 00:49:00,600
And, you know, helping people out.

963
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:06,350
And so that those are the things to me
that are exemplify a wildly wealthy life.

964
00:49:07,330 --> 00:49:07,790
Kat: Wow.

965
00:49:08,410 --> 00:49:09,890
That was all amazing.

966
00:49:09,890 --> 00:49:11,930
so much.

967
00:49:11,930 --> 00:49:13,969
so much.

968
00:49:13,970 --> 00:49:16,370
We are so blessed to have you today.

969
00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:21,560
Um, thank you for gracing our podcast
with your presence and, uh, I'm

970
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:24,080
excited to share it with our audience.

971
00:49:24,110 --> 00:49:29,140
Yeah, we, we basically had this podcast,
Tony, um, back in 2020, we were really

972
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:34,200
talking about like financial freedom in
the podcast before, but, but with a focus

973
00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:38,500
on financial freedom, actually being
tied to intentional generosity, which

974
00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:41,800
is exactly what you just said, you know,
at the very end there, which is really,

975
00:49:41,810 --> 00:49:43,980
it's all about giving of yourself, right?

976
00:49:44,010 --> 00:49:47,280
Because what, what does it do to
you to have a worldly, wealthy

977
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:48,705
life when you All yourself

978
00:49:49,575 --> 00:49:50,355
. 
Tony: Right, exactly.

979
00:49:50,355 --> 00:49:52,005
And those people are the
most miserable, right?

980
00:49:52,455 --> 00:49:54,255
Kat: Yeah, absolutely.

981
00:49:54,705 --> 00:49:57,975
Um, yeah, so it's just incredible to
kind of change the angle a little bit.

982
00:49:57,975 --> 00:50:02,475
And our angle now it's really talking
about how can we instill early

983
00:50:02,505 --> 00:50:06,735
foundational values into our kids so
that they can have a wildly wealthy life.

984
00:50:06,780 --> 00:50:07,140
Tony: I love it.

985
00:50:07,300 --> 00:50:09,015
I think it's a great idea for show.

986
00:50:09,350 --> 00:50:09,660
Yeah.

987
00:50:09,730 --> 00:50:09,820
Thank

988
00:50:10,050 --> 00:50:11,040
Kat: you so much.

989
00:50:11,100 --> 00:50:11,610
Yeah.

990
00:50:12,700 --> 00:50:14,330
Where can people find you?

991
00:50:14,430 --> 00:50:16,580
Tony: I have, uh, the confidence doc.

992
00:50:16,580 --> 00:50:17,760
com is the website.

993
00:50:18,090 --> 00:50:20,490
I've got a brand new masterclass out.

994
00:50:20,490 --> 00:50:21,120
It's an hour.

995
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,150
It's a taped hour thing that I did.

996
00:50:23,460 --> 00:50:27,070
And it's basically like two sessions
put into one and it's all about

997
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,570
toxic relationships for women.

998
00:50:29,780 --> 00:50:33,240
It's about recognizing if you're in a
toxic relationship or if you already

999
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:35,800
know, which, you know, most women are
insanely intuitive and they already

1000
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:37,050
know they're in a toxic relationship.

1001
00:50:37,290 --> 00:50:38,840
It's about how to get out.

1002
00:50:39,090 --> 00:50:40,590
It's about steps to take
and able to get out.

1003
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:41,520
So I have that.

1004
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:43,920
And that's at the
confidence doc dot store.

1005
00:50:43,950 --> 00:50:44,940
S T O R E.

1006
00:50:45,350 --> 00:50:45,850
Kat: Nice.

1007
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:46,420
Awesome.

1008
00:50:46,450 --> 00:50:48,600
And we'll also put it in
the show links for sure.

1009
00:50:48,910 --> 00:50:49,450
Tony: Perfect.

1010
00:50:49,470 --> 00:50:49,730
Yeah.

1011
00:50:49,730 --> 00:50:51,260
So those are the only,
those are the two places.

1012
00:50:51,260 --> 00:50:56,130
Then I'm on, you know, I'm on my podcast
and she talks confidence and, um, that's

1013
00:50:56,130 --> 00:50:58,390
on YouTube and all the podcast platforms.

1014
00:50:59,070 --> 00:50:59,320
Yep.

1015
00:50:59,380 --> 00:51:00,140
Kat: Amazing.

1016
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:01,400
Well, thank you, Tony.

1017
00:51:01,550 --> 00:51:02,190
Tony: Oh, thank you.

1018
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:02,650
This was great.

1019
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:08,230
Kat: All right, friends, that's a wrap on
today's episode of Wildly Wealthy Life.

1020
00:51:08,580 --> 00:51:11,230
We hope you're feeling fired up
and ready to take on the world with

1021
00:51:11,230 --> 00:51:12,750
your brilliant mind and brave heart.

1022
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:16,220
Lee: If you love this episode, make sure
you hit that subscribe button on YouTube

1023
00:51:16,220 --> 00:51:17,790
or your favorite podcast platform.

1024
00:51:17,790 --> 00:51:19,610
It helps us keep bringing
you the good stuff.

1025
00:51:19,820 --> 00:51:22,260
Kat: And hey, while you're at
it, drop us a rating or review.

1026
00:51:22,370 --> 00:51:23,170
It takes like what?

1027
00:51:23,395 --> 00:51:26,295
30 seconds and it makes
a huge difference for us.

1028
00:51:26,825 --> 00:51:29,435
Lee: Also, if you know someone who
could use a little guidance on growth,

1029
00:51:29,445 --> 00:51:32,335
mindset, leadership and creativity,
share this episode with them.

1030
00:51:32,765 --> 00:51:35,315
Sometimes that one conversation
can spark up a whole new direction.

1031
00:51:35,595 --> 00:51:36,935
Kat: Thanks for hanging out with us today.

1032
00:51:37,005 --> 00:51:40,385
Go out there, live wildly, be wealthy
in all the ways that matter to you.

1033
00:51:40,385 --> 00:51:41,985
And we'll catch you on the next one.