1
00:00:24,345 --> 00:00:29,065
 and welcome back to this week's episode of the Wedding Lounge podcast. Today we're going to

2
00:00:29,065 --> 00:00:37,145
 talk about the roles of bridesmaids and made of honour. I've got a bit of a, I know she does

3
00:00:37,145 --> 00:00:42,905
 listen, my mother in law listens, but I remember I was not a bridesmaid ever before getting married

4
00:00:42,905 --> 00:00:47,305
 myself. And the first time I got asked via bridesmaid, I remember her saying to me, she's just like,

5
00:00:47,305 --> 00:00:51,865
 "Wow, you can't be a bridesmaid now because you're married." Via bridesmaid, because I'm married,

6
00:00:51,865 --> 00:00:58,185
 and obviously very traditional now, it was a failure. Wow, not so much. I saw as a metron,

7
00:00:58,185 --> 00:01:04,185
 and I was like, "No, I'm a bridesmaid." I will. Yeah, bridesmaid, day in my life. It's technically

8
00:01:04,185 --> 00:01:09,145
 made of honor as an unmarried one and a matron of honor as a married one. Married one, yeah,

9
00:01:09,145 --> 00:01:12,825
 exactly that. You didn't have married her son so young if you knew that you wouldn't be able to

10
00:01:12,825 --> 00:01:20,185
 marry Bridesmaid. That's what she didn't tell you beforehand. No, it's so important to me. But I think

11
00:01:20,185 --> 00:01:26,425
 the role of a bridesmaid in a made of honor changes quite a lot, and I think it depends on how much

12
00:01:26,425 --> 00:01:30,665
 you rely on that person. I think you've got to pick those people quite strategically. Like,

13
00:01:30,665 --> 00:01:36,425
 it's all one of good picking your best mate, but is that the most sensible person to actually

14
00:01:36,425 --> 00:01:42,025
 choose to fulfill a role if you need the support? Definitely. I think you've got really got to

15
00:01:42,025 --> 00:01:45,785
 consider that, because it's not just about standing next to you and being in a pretty dress,

16
00:01:45,785 --> 00:01:51,305
 like how I'm punching outfit, sort of the other bridesmaid. There's the prep and the lead up to the

17
00:01:51,305 --> 00:01:59,545
 wedding, and it does depend on the bride, how much she needs to rely on them. I did rely on my bridesmaid,

18
00:01:59,545 --> 00:02:04,825
 but I don't think it's heavily as some people, because I'm not organized. No, I don't mean that. I don't

19
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:08,905
 think I've really relied on... I mean, obviously I relied on them to think about things, but I

20
00:02:08,905 --> 00:02:14,265
 didn't rely on them to do jobs. But the bridesmaid and a made of honor, or bridesmaid and made of

21
00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:19,545
 honor, they would usually, in the lead up, they'd probably tend to dress fittings, dress fitting,

22
00:02:19,545 --> 00:02:24,185
 like triangle and sessions. I would advise a small number, but... Yeah, I think that's the same.

23
00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:29,785
 Another thing, so not necessarily everyone. Hendo. That's one of the biggest things that they help

24
00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:34,265
 organise the Hendo. They organise the Hendo. Unless you're a bit of a control for it. Did you organise

25
00:02:34,265 --> 00:02:38,825
 the Hendo? I did organise the Hendo before, I think, because one of my bridesmaid had just had a

26
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:45,465
 baby. So she had a baby in April, my hench is in the July, so all the organisation was happening,

27
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:50,825
 well, she was at home the newborn, and my other bridesmaid lived in Wales, which is a different country,

28
00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:57,385
 but, you know, the far end of Britain, to where we are. So it just wasn't practical, and I was

29
00:02:57,385 --> 00:03:02,025
 dealing with some sort of politics on Jamie's side of the family that I just felt was easier for

30
00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:07,545
 me to deal with being involved. Yeah, it caused me a lot of stress, but I didn't want that stress to go

31
00:03:07,545 --> 00:03:15,945
 to my friends in the situation that I was in. So I did, I did probably not really rely on my bridesmaids

32
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:22,025
 at all, for like practical, like, organising things. They did do bits on Hendo, like I organised it,

33
00:03:22,025 --> 00:03:25,945
 the accommodation stuff left the group, and they organised some fun things, like they did some

34
00:03:25,945 --> 00:03:29,865
 surprises for me and stuff, which was... Yeah. But, you know, I got the ball rolling, because I just

35
00:03:29,865 --> 00:03:34,425
 didn't want them to have to deal with that stress. Yeah, but at the same time, like, obviously you

36
00:03:34,425 --> 00:03:39,385
 in that situation is very unique, but it should be an occasion that's there to celebrate you,

37
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:43,625
 that it's one thing you shouldn't have to stress about when you're stressing about all the wedding,

38
00:03:43,625 --> 00:03:48,105
 and I do feel like those people that you surround yourself with, you're tribe, essentially,

39
00:03:48,105 --> 00:03:53,385
 yeah, should be the ones that you can lean on and rely on and ask to do things. So you need to think

40
00:03:53,385 --> 00:03:57,065
 about that really carefully when you're choosing them, to make sure you are choosing people

41
00:03:57,065 --> 00:04:02,025
 that will be a support to you. Yeah. I'm not going to cause you more stress because they don't like

42
00:04:02,025 --> 00:04:06,425
 the dress or they don't like the hair or they don't like something else. Like, that's not part of it.

43
00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:12,265
 You know, they should be the one standing by your side. Yeah. Because you want them there. Yeah.

44
00:04:12,265 --> 00:04:17,705
 And you need their support and you need their help. Yeah. Rather than it necessarily being

45
00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:25,785
 because they're your closest friends. Yeah. And they should be. Yeah, I don't think we've talked

46
00:04:25,785 --> 00:04:31,625
 about wedding parties before and you shouldn't think that you're so and so should be in my bride or

47
00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:39,705
 wife because you don't need to worry about offending people. No, you just do you. Exactly. But there's

48
00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:43,945
 the balance isn't there between having people who obviously are going to be practical and helpful

49
00:04:43,945 --> 00:04:48,905
 and like an emotional support for you as well as people who enjoy their company and stuff.

50
00:04:48,905 --> 00:04:54,505
 And I think that comes down mainly like the main role where you've got to think about them being

51
00:04:54,505 --> 00:05:00,985
 sort of practical is with organising a henry. Yeah. You know, most other stuff most people can do.

52
00:05:00,985 --> 00:05:06,105
 Yeah. Yeah. And those saying that I was assisting at a wedding recently and the bridesmaid hadn't

53
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:12,345
 met each other before. They turns up at the wedding. One bridesmaid was two minutes late. So

54
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,705
 like the bride was like sort of waiting outside because the bridesmaid hadn't turned up to the

55
00:05:15,705 --> 00:05:22,025
 London venue yet. And it all seemed very it's jointed. Whereas I do feel like, you know, you

56
00:05:22,025 --> 00:05:26,345
 went in bridesmaids to mingle before. Yeah. And then it should be like that's what you spend your time

57
00:05:26,345 --> 00:05:30,185
 with the one in getting ready and things like that. I think through the course of the day as well,

58
00:05:30,185 --> 00:05:35,225
 your bridesmaid should be the ones looking out for you. 100%. Making sure you've eaten, making sure

59
00:05:35,225 --> 00:05:39,145
 you've got a drink in your hand, making sure you're having a nice time. Yeah. And that you're not the

60
00:05:39,145 --> 00:05:44,185
 one people are coming to. If you haven't got that person there who is the coordinator organiser,

61
00:05:44,185 --> 00:05:49,465
 then you need to that's where your bridal party come into play. Yes. They are the ones that should

62
00:05:49,465 --> 00:05:53,385
 be going and checking that everything's okay. You know, the band arrives or something goes on with the

63
00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:57,305
 band. They can come to one of your bridesmaids instead of coming to you. Like that's the kind of thing

64
00:05:57,305 --> 00:06:01,865
 you need to be able to rely on these people. Helping gather people with photographs, you know,

65
00:06:01,865 --> 00:06:05,625
 everything like that. Obviously making sure your dress is okay. Yeah. You haven't got a twig stuck in

66
00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:11,465
 your hair or, you know, carrying your face. Yeah. Things like that. There's loads of practical things

67
00:06:11,465 --> 00:06:15,865
 that bridesmaids do. And I think just sort of stepping back ever so slightly, what you were saying

68
00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:21,225
 about looking ready together, but your bridesmaids are there. They're like hiked crew on the morning

69
00:06:21,225 --> 00:06:26,185
 of your wedding. Yeah. They're there, start the celebrations, make it all about you. Yeah.

70
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:34,025
 Just be there to all you have ever enjoyed any part of a wedding as much as I have the morning.

71
00:06:34,025 --> 00:06:38,745
 And they're getting ready like that. Although the whole wedding day, my whole wedding day felt

72
00:06:38,745 --> 00:06:44,585
 special to me and it just, there is something special about that time in the morning with your friends.

73
00:06:44,585 --> 00:06:48,825
 Yeah. And it was the same when I was a bridesmaid for my friend, like that time in the morning was so

74
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:53,545
 special on the wedding days as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a really nice thing to be a part of.

75
00:06:53,545 --> 00:07:01,305
 You're also there to be the one to get guests together. Yes. And we got sat on a table with no one

76
00:07:01,305 --> 00:07:07,865
 we knew at all. And it was kind of like us down to bring these people together. Yeah. Because,

77
00:07:07,865 --> 00:07:11,305
 you know, we're part of the bridal parts. Yeah. Yeah. We're there with other friends who are

78
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:15,385
 there nearest and dearest, but don't necessarily know each other and you're kind of like thrown into

79
00:07:15,385 --> 00:07:19,465
 situation. Yeah. You've got to sort of help keep the party and keep the help, keep the other guests

80
00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:24,905
 and join the experience as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's that's interesting to think about

81
00:07:24,905 --> 00:07:29,545
 sort of how it's not just stand there looking pretty in a dress like there are things to help with

82
00:07:29,545 --> 00:07:35,465
 the whole wedding. Yeah. I mean, obviously, depending on how you're doing it, walking down the aisle.

83
00:07:35,465 --> 00:07:40,185
 Yeah. Be either fluffing a dress, grabbing your bouquet at the end, holding it during the ceremony.

84
00:07:40,745 --> 00:07:44,345
 Often, I don't know about you, but I get bridal part of your groom's men to hand out confetti.

85
00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:47,865
 Yeah. The aisle, so there'll be jobs like that. They'll be making sure that your

86
00:07:47,865 --> 00:07:53,145
 Jews have come back from the church or, you know, or something if you had something in the car with you

87
00:07:53,145 --> 00:07:56,105
 that that, you know, you're looking out for you really. Because you're not going to be as you say,

88
00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:59,465
 hold it both. No, you don't want to be thinking about any of those things. You want other people

89
00:07:59,465 --> 00:08:03,305
 around you to be thinking about those things before you. Yeah. Before you've even had to think about

90
00:08:03,305 --> 00:08:07,225
 it, essentially, definitely. Well, that's essentially what your wedding planner is. Is it someone

91
00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:10,985
 that you're planning to do that on your wedding days, and it's like, we're there thinking of everything

92
00:08:10,985 --> 00:08:15,545
 before it needs to be thought about so that nothing gets worried. That's how I came up with the name

93
00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:19,865
 for my full plan. I know. It's the unofficial bridesmaid because I've seen something in the

94
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:28,105
 states where the lady in the state, she was a secret bridesmaid planner. So she would go incognito.

95
00:08:28,105 --> 00:08:32,185
 So there'd be some story made up that like, well, the bride was traveling in Cambodia when she was

96
00:08:32,185 --> 00:08:36,505
 20, like she'd met this person. Then how you go about convincing people, because especially

97
00:08:36,505 --> 00:08:40,745
 of social media nowadays and everything, like it would be weird that I'd never mentioned someone

98
00:08:40,745 --> 00:08:46,905
 called like Sarah before or something. But then she goes incognito. So she's there being like the

99
00:08:46,905 --> 00:08:52,825
 super organized bridesmaid, but she's a wedding planner. But if someone wants to pay for me to be

100
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:57,705
 stirred in the dress, have my hair make up and run the day, I'm all up for that, like seriously.

101
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,145
 But that's why I went for the unofficial bridesmaid. Because you know, I think when you're full

102
00:09:01,145 --> 00:09:04,825
 planning, you're there just to support with whatever's needed. That's exactly what I'm

103
00:09:04,825 --> 00:09:10,265
 not in the dresses. And like you said earlier, there you'll hype crew, but not necessarily just your

104
00:09:10,265 --> 00:09:14,985
 hype crew on the morning. No, there you'll hype through through the whole process. When you are

105
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:23,705
 getting married, all you want to do is talk about, well, not everyone, 90% of people, more so brides,

106
00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:29,065
 because they tend to be the ones that do the majority of the organisation. Not all the time,

107
00:09:29,065 --> 00:09:33,625
 but they want someone to talk to you. Yeah. And your bridesmaids should be the ones that they're

108
00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:41,625
 willing to listen. Yeah. Like that time should feel fairly centred around you. Like you should be able

109
00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:45,785
 to talk about those things and have those moments with someone. And it's tricky with life, because

110
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:49,945
 everyone else has their own life going on around it. Yeah. But finding that person here, you can just

111
00:09:49,945 --> 00:09:55,145
 have all those conversations with, have someone to bounce the ideas off. Mone about things.

112
00:09:55,145 --> 00:10:00,505
 Mone about things. Like make suggestions and say, is this a stupid crazy idea? And you're

113
00:10:00,505 --> 00:10:05,465
 bridesmaid going, yes, or your bridesmaid going, no. Yeah. You want someone honest? Yes. That's not

114
00:10:05,465 --> 00:10:12,105
 going to tackles for that. And that might not be your best mate that you've had since you were five.

115
00:10:12,105 --> 00:10:17,865
 No. But you can find another role for them that means just as much, if they're going to cause you

116
00:10:17,865 --> 00:10:21,785
 stresses of bridesmaid, because something's not exactly right for them. It's not worth having them on

117
00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:25,945
 your bridesmaid. No, you don't want someone who's going to add more stress. You absolutely do not.

118
00:10:25,945 --> 00:10:32,345
 I ended up with Colesaw's like this weird rash on my face, very stressed of a bridesmaid.

119
00:10:32,345 --> 00:10:36,745
 The bridesmaid, she was my wife. Oh, she caused you the stress when you had it.

120
00:10:36,745 --> 00:10:41,705
 So you meant when you were bridesmaid, you were so stressed. Oh, no, because she just kept

121
00:10:41,705 --> 00:10:46,345
 like it was all about her and I was just like, this isn't how it's supposed to be. It was the one

122
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:51,705
 this is the one time it's about you. I'm afraid like the bridesmaid. One stressful thing I had was

123
00:10:51,705 --> 00:10:58,025
 the questions and thoughts around her. Yeah, which was awful. I'm really bad, but you know, and I was

124
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:04,825
 just like, "Oh, what do I do in this situation?" Yeah, it was rubbish anyway, but on the day it was fine,

125
00:11:04,825 --> 00:11:10,425
 and I didn't actually see you hear much from her all the days. Yeah, it wasn't too bad, but yeah,

126
00:11:10,425 --> 00:11:15,145
 that was the one thing I found stressful about planning my wedding was one of my bridesmaids.

127
00:11:15,145 --> 00:11:19,545
 You don't need that. No, you 100% do not need that. They should be there reducing the stress for

128
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:25,145
 you. Yeah, dealing with awkward people, things like that, you know, helping you change into your second

129
00:11:25,145 --> 00:11:29,785
 outfit on the day, going to grab your jacket, bringing your lipstick to the bathroom so they can

130
00:11:29,785 --> 00:11:33,545
 talking, you know, all those sorts of things, they should be there for you, holding your dress,

131
00:11:33,545 --> 00:11:37,785
 we're going to the Lou, like anything like that. They shouldn't be adding stress to your day. No,

132
00:11:37,785 --> 00:11:43,145
 they are the people that should be 100% there for you. And if that means, you almost have to create

133
00:11:43,145 --> 00:11:49,465
 a job description for them. You're on board with this or not, I can't decide if you're looking

134
00:11:49,465 --> 00:11:54,825
 on like a limited color. I mean, you love a job description, because didn't Chris's ashes get

135
00:11:54,825 --> 00:11:59,465
 some job description. Of course, they did, on day, they all got them. I was gay, but I laid back

136
00:11:59,465 --> 00:12:05,785
 to my thing. I invited in a colour for them. Yes, I had 13 different colours. Oh my goodness.

137
00:12:05,785 --> 00:12:12,425
 But you could say like, right, I'd love you to be my bridesmaid, but what I need help with is

138
00:12:12,425 --> 00:12:17,225
 X, Y, Z. Can you do that? Which is, you don't want to just say, oh, will you be my bridesmaid

139
00:12:17,225 --> 00:12:21,065
 where I'm pretty dressed and walk up the aisle with me? That's literally what I did. But that's what most

140
00:12:21,065 --> 00:12:26,585
 people think. I was actually, you want to be able to rely on these people. So think about it before

141
00:12:26,585 --> 00:12:31,385
 you ask them all. I don't think I went into that much thought. No, I didn't either. I think I'd

142
00:12:31,385 --> 00:12:37,065
 think about it more now. Yeah. And having seen some of the parties as well, like it actually is

143
00:12:37,065 --> 00:12:41,145
 worth considering. I mean, this is not saying that the bridesmaid I chose were not up for the job,

144
00:12:41,145 --> 00:12:46,905
 like mine were. But I just didn't like my friends. Yeah. But and that's how people go into it.

145
00:12:46,905 --> 00:12:50,825
 Yeah, they're best friends. Yeah. And they pick that and yes, that's great. Don't get me wrong.

146
00:12:50,825 --> 00:12:55,945
 But also consider, have you got one friend who's always a bit wild enough on the left field?

147
00:12:55,945 --> 00:12:59,465
 Like, is she actually going to be any help on your way to go? Or are you just going to be making

148
00:12:59,465 --> 00:13:04,105
 sure she's not too pissed to walk up the aisle? Yeah, that is true. I mean, I don't have that situation,

149
00:13:04,105 --> 00:13:08,745
 but no, I can say yes. That's the kind of thing you need to think about. And like, here's that

150
00:13:08,745 --> 00:13:11,785
 going to be like, are they going to hype you up on the morning if you're wedding and make you feel

151
00:13:11,785 --> 00:13:15,785
 great? Yeah. Or are they going to be the person that brings down the morning because it's gone too far?

152
00:13:15,785 --> 00:13:26,185
 Yeah. That's how you need to look at it. And sometimes maybe it's worth not upsetting a friend.

153
00:13:26,185 --> 00:13:30,585
 Yeah. But there may be have a word with one of your other bridesmaids and just say, look,

154
00:13:30,585 --> 00:13:36,585
 when I make her your responsibility. Yeah, not very trusting of people in a show.

155
00:13:36,585 --> 00:13:40,745
 That's because I'm normally the one like her. No, joking, I'm obviously not especially not when it

156
00:13:40,745 --> 00:13:45,945
 comes to weddings. But I think I think I'm a pretty nice lady. The lunatic drowsy on the table,

157
00:13:45,945 --> 00:13:51,785
 they're like, I am that person, but I'm also very organised and very controlled. And like, when my

158
00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:57,945
 best makeup made her wedding could not have been more different from mine. Yeah. But I was on the end

159
00:13:57,945 --> 00:14:03,625
 of the phone. I asked her every question under the sun. She's amazing. And she knitted all her own flowers.

160
00:14:04,985 --> 00:14:10,665
 That is incredible. And it looked really, really cool. I couldn't picture it in my hair.

161
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:17,065
 I'm not picturing it. I'm totally and utterly bananas. But the hair, it was something that was so

162
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:22,105
 important to her. And she's massively into it. It was actually crocheted, not knitting. But yeah,

163
00:14:22,105 --> 00:14:27,545
 for her, that was what she wanted to do. And I was like, asking her, can I learn how to do it? So I can

164
00:14:27,545 --> 00:14:32,265
 help you. Is there anything I can do? Like, oh, but I'm not that. I do. I helped her stick them all

165
00:14:32,265 --> 00:14:37,545
 together. She let me help her do that. But like, I was there, yeah, willing to help. Then I was dancing

166
00:14:37,545 --> 00:14:41,065
 on the tables at two o'clock in the morning. So I did the dancing on the tables at two o'clock in the

167
00:14:41,065 --> 00:14:46,505
 morning. But I was there for her, I can tell that. Yeah. That's why I've not learned a new skill to

168
00:14:46,505 --> 00:14:51,065
 be bridesmaid. I'm gonna be absolutely honest. But like, when we spoke to Kelly about the different DIY

169
00:14:51,065 --> 00:14:55,385
 guys, the bridal parties all sit there and they craft together and things like that. Like,

170
00:14:55,385 --> 00:15:00,345
 that's the kind of people you want in your corner. Definitely. So what is the difference between

171
00:15:00,345 --> 00:15:05,385
 made of honour and bridesmaid? Oh, yeah, we kind of just discussed it as a rock. It's like chief

172
00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:11,225
 bridesmaid, really, isn't it? Uh, it's, I think that is the person who, it's like the shepherd.

173
00:15:11,225 --> 00:15:20,425
 Uh, the sheep. Yes. But like, that's the one that you want to be able to go to in any sort of

174
00:15:20,425 --> 00:15:26,825
 situation, any kind of like crisis, any moment. Yeah. They're the ones you want to have in your corner

175
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:31,625
 looking out for you and making sure you've got, you know, that your dresses, that your prayer looks

176
00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:35,945
 right. You want someone who's going to think of all those things and someone who is going to be

177
00:15:35,945 --> 00:15:40,745
 honest with you. Like, your bridesmaids don't necessarily have to go to all those buildings and

178
00:15:40,745 --> 00:15:45,785
 stuff. Yeah. That made of honour. That's the person you want to do that. I mean, traditionally,

179
00:15:45,785 --> 00:15:51,065
 you had a maid or matron of honour and that was your one adult. Yeah. Like your lady waiting almost.

180
00:15:51,065 --> 00:15:55,625
 And then the bridesmaids were all children. Yes. Yeah. Have you had a maid of honour? Yes, I did.

181
00:15:55,625 --> 00:16:03,625
 And I was her maid of honour. Thank you. But we were 20. Yeah. Like, I don't think she had the first

182
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:11,225
 she was brilliant. Like, there's a photo of her walking in the church behind me and the concentration

183
00:16:11,225 --> 00:16:16,825
 on her face looking at the back of my dress is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Like,

184
00:16:16,825 --> 00:16:20,665
 honestly, she wouldn't take her eyes off the bottom of it. I think she felt the pressure so much.

185
00:16:20,665 --> 00:16:25,545
 It was unreal to make sure it was looking better. Yeah. Yeah. But I had my mum. My mum and I did the

186
00:16:25,545 --> 00:16:31,865
 organising in my wedding and I had it all under control. Yeah. So I didn't need that person.

187
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:37,385
 I think if I was doing it now, you'd rely on a friend so much more than you would. I think,

188
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:41,705
 going by the criteria that you would now choose your bridal party, I think I would be number one choice.

189
00:16:41,705 --> 00:16:46,185
 Yeah, you would not. I mean, we've only been friends for a couple of years or whatever. I would be

190
00:16:46,185 --> 00:16:50,985
 number one choice because I would be the most innocent person I've ever seen. I do things that

191
00:16:50,985 --> 00:16:55,305
 are so important. And you don't realise until the fan that we don't really socialise together,

192
00:16:55,305 --> 00:17:02,345
 I would be out there. But you don't like, I use someone. Yeah. Calling grey. Yeah, to have

193
00:17:02,345 --> 00:17:08,665
 an official bridesmaid, wouldn't I? But, you know, like, you choose from your friends. You look at

194
00:17:08,665 --> 00:17:13,465
 your friends and then you go, right, who's going to flip the bill? Yeah. I didn't actually have a

195
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:18,505
 maid of honour in the end, because I only had two adult bridesmaids. I just felt like, I don't think

196
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:22,905
 there's really like, don't think a maid of honour or a chief bridesmaid is really a thing anymore.

197
00:17:22,905 --> 00:17:26,745
 I think people kind of want to, one of my brides has got two maid of honour this year.

198
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:31,145
 And then what are they doing? Five bridesmaids. We are recording this a little bit for the wedding.

199
00:17:31,145 --> 00:17:35,705
 But I'm really not going to go out to the wedding. What are two maid of honour? That's basically giving

200
00:17:35,705 --> 00:17:39,305
 them a title because you want to make them think slightly more important than the rest of the

201
00:17:39,305 --> 00:17:45,225
 bridesmaids. That is, that's essentially what that is doing exactly. Which kind of feels a bit

202
00:17:45,225 --> 00:17:49,305
 silly. Yeah. It should have just had two bridesmaids and then the others could do something else.

203
00:17:49,305 --> 00:17:54,025
 Nice. Yeah. I only had two bridesmaids or I didn't have a maid of honour, but I guess my friend

204
00:17:54,025 --> 00:17:58,905
 Jess kind of took over that role because Neil was living in Wales. And although Jess had just had a

205
00:17:58,905 --> 00:18:03,545
 baby, she came to my dress fitting, actually, heavily pregnant. I'm going to found my dress and

206
00:18:03,545 --> 00:18:08,265
 came to fittings because we live about half an hour from each other. Yeah. But then at the time,

207
00:18:08,265 --> 00:18:13,065
 because Jess was with her baby, you don't want to leave him too many nights, understandable,

208
00:18:13,065 --> 00:18:17,065
 for the wedding. Neil came down from Wales a few days before, so she actually was there on the

209
00:18:17,065 --> 00:18:21,225
 Friday helping set her up. Yeah. And was very much hands-on, whereas Jess actually didn't come,

210
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,265
 oh, we had dinner and she stayed with me, but we didn't, she didn't come to the venue until

211
00:18:24,265 --> 00:18:28,745
 the judge hurt herself. Yeah. And then like the venue the next day, whereas Neil had spent all day

212
00:18:28,745 --> 00:18:33,065
 with me. So they, we kind of had a cover between both of them, but it was just they was,

213
00:18:33,065 --> 00:18:37,785
 yeah, it was just obvious Jess was there. Other kind of people you want. 100%. Not just, yeah.

214
00:18:37,785 --> 00:18:41,465
 But then I guess I picked my friends because they're both like that, quantities.

215
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:45,945
 I know you're saying about, like, would you have a disorganised friend, if I have disorganised friend?

216
00:18:45,945 --> 00:18:50,105
 I don't know if I have disorganised friend. I don't know if I have disorganised friend. Why do you?

217
00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:53,945
 Then it's like the least organised person in my life, I guess.

218
00:18:53,945 --> 00:18:58,585
 But he's become worse since he's been married. Yeah, they do that. Yeah.

219
00:18:58,585 --> 00:19:04,185
 Leponised in competence, I think. Yeah, I think you've got, you've obviously got

220
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:09,705
 to have people that you like. Yeah. So as a part of your life, but yeah, you've got to think practically.

221
00:19:09,705 --> 00:19:14,825
 And I actually think this, maybe this is just about fair, but I actually think this is more important

222
00:19:14,825 --> 00:19:20,505
 when choosing a stag, like epsilon stag, when choosing your groomsman and your best man,

223
00:19:20,505 --> 00:19:26,025
 because I feel like best man going off slightly has to do a speech, like organising a stag.

224
00:19:26,025 --> 00:19:30,265
 And I feel like your friend who you go for points, if down the path, may not be the best person for that.

225
00:19:30,265 --> 00:19:35,865
 I do feel like as a man, that's maybe because I'm not being very polite about the rest of the men.

226
00:19:35,865 --> 00:19:40,425
 Whereas I'm with women most picked. What I was supposed to be able to do that, I don't know.

227
00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:45,705
 I don't know. I don't know. I think some women can be as feral as some men.

228
00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:50,665
 Feral? Yeah. It's my favourite word at the minute. I think both sides. And some made of

229
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:55,785
 honours make a speech. Yes, sure. That's far more common. A bit, yeah. I see what you mean.

230
00:19:55,785 --> 00:20:01,705
 The speech thing and the stag do. I don't know. I just feel like there's a bit more pressure

231
00:20:01,705 --> 00:20:06,825
 on men to pick the right, like the sensible person for the best man job. Yeah, but that doesn't mean

232
00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:11,065
 that your stag's aren't going to be as terribly behaved. No. And the most chaos.

233
00:20:11,065 --> 00:20:17,145
 But I just think there's a few things to think about, and it's mainly just who you like to be there,

234
00:20:17,145 --> 00:20:22,025
 because you like them. Yeah. And who also brings good qualities that you need in the lead up and

235
00:20:22,025 --> 00:20:25,945
 on your wedding day. Yeah, you just need to have a slight edge of practicality. Yeah, picking these

236
00:20:25,945 --> 00:20:33,065
 people. It's not, don't just go and willy nilly. And don't pick too many. Yeah. I know it's so hard

237
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:38,745
 to narrow it down, but depending on how you're choosing to spend your budget as well. Yeah.

238
00:20:38,745 --> 00:20:45,305
 Like it would pay for some part of these people on the day as well. Like just keep that in mind.

239
00:20:45,305 --> 00:20:48,985
 Like if you're budget conscious, that's quite an area where you can make a saving.

240
00:20:48,985 --> 00:20:53,465
 Less flowers, less makeup, less hair, less dresses etc. Exactly. Let's see.

241
00:20:53,465 --> 00:21:00,105
 So just to recap, the role of the bridesmaids and the maid or patron of honor,

242
00:21:00,105 --> 00:21:03,465
 the maid of honor is normally just sort of that extra.

243
00:21:03,465 --> 00:21:09,305
 The sheep, the sheep, I think you know, is a really tough one for her to keep perfect.

244
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:14,345
 And so like their job in the lead up is to support you through dress fittings, any decisions

245
00:21:14,345 --> 00:21:19,625
 getting involved in crafts, doing like helping, helping set up the week off then normally there if you

246
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:25,545
 are okay. And then on the day, helping it to take you to the loop, looking after your lipstick,

247
00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:30,985
 they're there to help organize photos, move people around, maybe hand out confetti at the end of

248
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:35,865
 church, the kind of roles, the organisation roles that just need to get done without you needing

249
00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:41,065
 to be in charge of. Exactly. So hopefully that's given you a bit more insight into what

250
00:21:41,065 --> 00:21:48,425
 bridesmaids and maid of honor meant to do on a wedding day. Evie, what would be your top tip when

251
00:21:48,425 --> 00:21:56,905
 thinking about your bridal party and how to make it cost effective? I think cost effective would

252
00:21:56,905 --> 00:22:04,505
 definitely just be, have fewer people. Simple, just have fewer people. Yeah, just because you don't,

253
00:22:04,505 --> 00:22:08,745
 I mean in America, a lot of bridesmaids are made of one as they're expected to pay for things

254
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:16,105
 themselves and it's different here in England. Yes. In England we tend to pay for at least something

255
00:22:16,105 --> 00:22:21,385
 if not everything and I think you've got to be really clear with your bridal party, what you're paying

256
00:22:21,385 --> 00:22:26,265
 for and what you're not and what the expectations are from the off. And if you want to pay for your

257
00:22:26,265 --> 00:22:31,785
 bridesmaids for things, then and your tight on budget then obviously just have fewer people.

258
00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:37,945
 But also I stick by the rule that if you want someone to wear something specific on your wedding

259
00:22:37,945 --> 00:22:42,745
 day, you have to buy it. Yes. So if I'm going to say you have to wear this gold dress, this gold

260
00:22:42,745 --> 00:22:47,465
 shoes and have this bracelet, then I need to pay for that for you. Or if I'm going to say you have

261
00:22:47,465 --> 00:22:54,585
 to have your hair done, but I have to pay for it. A lot of people say, you know, we'll buy the dress

262
00:22:54,585 --> 00:22:58,505
 wear a shoe like a nude shoe. If you've got one that's fine, if you need to buy something new,

263
00:22:58,505 --> 00:23:02,585
 that's fine. Just wear what you want. Yeah, it will do hair if you want to do your own makeup.

264
00:23:02,585 --> 00:23:07,625
 That's fine. You know, I think just have the conversations that definitely to sort of budget

265
00:23:07,625 --> 00:23:12,425
 for your bridal party, especially in England where we do tend to pay towards them, and I would just

266
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:19,385
 think reducing the numbers, you know, you can't have 10 bridesmaids and then go like £10 a person

267
00:23:19,385 --> 00:23:23,545
 to buy dress. Yeah, I was going to say like that's going to be at least £2,000 worth of like when

268
00:23:23,545 --> 00:23:30,265
 you've taken into account, okay? Yeah. Usually like 30 to £50. Yeah, yeah. Easily. Yeah.

269
00:23:30,265 --> 00:23:35,065
 Wear a makeup, all of that, you know, it's a lot of money and it's a big proportion of budget.

270
00:23:35,065 --> 00:23:40,825
 It is. It really is. Lovely. Well, make sure you're following, subscribing, downloading,

271
00:23:40,825 --> 00:23:46,072
 and... Oh, I've listened. And we'll see you on the next episode.