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we're talking about dating.

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So this is gonna be a lot of fun.

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Um, now, I don't know if you've ever
gotten, uh, dating advice before,

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um, but there's a lot of people
out there giving dating advice.

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I asked the internet, and apparently
there are 16,000 podcasts about

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relationships on Apple Podcasts.

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Um, and that's only the active ones.

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There's 54,000 podcasts
about relationships.

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So there's a lot of people that wanna
tell you how to relate to someone.

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I don't know if they're about marriage,
I don't know if they're about dating, I

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don't know if they're about friendships,
but in the relationships category,

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there's, there's a lot of words.

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I think about how many minutes that
is, how many hours or days that is

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of just people talking about dating.

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And there's even a lot of
Christians that give dating advice

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and, uh, I read about this guy.

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He put together all of the dating advice
he received from Christians, and it

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looked like this, and I just want you
to see how kinda funny this is, okay?

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Um, so the first piece of advice he
got was, "Date for at least a year."

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But then he also got the advice,
"Don't date for more than a year."

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He got the advice, "Don't kiss before
marriage," but he also said, someone

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else told him, "How can you know you
have chemistry unless you kiss them?"

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And then one person told
him, "You should date lots of

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people before you get serious."

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And then someone else told him,
"You shouldn't date anyone unless

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you're ready to marry them."

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And so these are all paired
up, I hope you notice.

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Um, they contradict each other, right?

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These are all opposites.

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So even Christians say some
weird things about dating.

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Even Christians don't really seem
to have a very clear idea of what

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you should do when you date, right?

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Spend a lot of time together, but be
careful how much time you spend together.

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Date in groups.

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Hang out with your friends.

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Don't just go one-on-one.

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But then also, make sure you get
a lot of one-on-one time 'cause

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you're dating for marriage, right?

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So there's all sorts
of advice you can get.

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And so what we're gonna do is we're
gonna try to figure out in the next few

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weeks, uh, what God says about dating.

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So what we're gonna do to start
out is we're gonna zoom way out.

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We're gonna zoom out all the way.

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You guys don't have to
copy my hand motions, okay?

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Um, we're gonna go way out,
and we're gonna start from,

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like, the very basics, okay?

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I don't know if … There's a,
there's a famous football coach.

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He used to start training camp every year.

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He would say, "This is a football."

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Right?

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We're gonna, we're gonna go very basic.

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We're gonna zoom all the way
out, and we're gonna just start

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with what, what's even the point?

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What's dating?

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What's the point?

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Why do people do it?

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And we're gonna see what
the Bible says, okay?

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So, uh, we're gonna be start
in 1 Corinthians, okay?

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We're gonna start in 1 Corinthians,
and we're gonna go to chapter 10.

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So if you're not already there,
turn there in your Bible.

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It's a very short verse that
you've probably heard before.

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Um, but I think this is one of the most
important verses that you can think

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about when you think about dating, okay?

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1 Corinthians 10:31.

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Here's what it says.

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"So whether you eat or drink or whatever
you do, do all to the glory of God."

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You've probably heard that before, but I
want you to really think about this, okay?

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Uh, what's all mean?

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It's not a trick question, right?

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All means everything.

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So all includes dating, right?

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So even something that maybe you'd say,
"Oh, well, it's not in the Bible," right?

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There's no one dating anyone in the Bible.

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Well, all includes dating, right?

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All- it includes a lot of other stuff.

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It includes what you eat,
what you drink, right?

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But it in- also includes dating.

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So if we're gonna zoom way out,
well, what's the point of dating?

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Well, how do we wanna date?

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We wanna glorify God, right?

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Dating is first and foremost
something we do for God, okay?

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And that's our first point tonight.

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One, dating is for God.

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Dating is for God.

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The most important person
in your dating is not you.

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It's not who you date.

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It's God

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And you might not have ever
thought about that before.

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I don't think an- many of the 16,000
Apple podcasts about dating are gonna

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tell you that, that the most important
person in your dating relationship is God.

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But that's where you start, right?

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If, if everything is really
supposed to be for God, well then,

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of course, that includes dating.

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There's another verse that I thought
would be helpful for you guys to see.

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It's Romans 11:36.

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Him in this verse is God.

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So it says, "For from him and through
him and to him are all things."

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Okay, so from him, that
means it's from God.

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So God invented everything, right?

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God knew dating was gonna exist.

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When God wrote the Bible, he knew
that people were gonna date, right?

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He knew that people in Prosper, Texas,
were going to, to date each other, right?

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And hold hands and go to get ice
cream together and watch movies

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and hang out and call each other
babe and do all this stuff, right?

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And put a heart next to their
contact and all that, right?

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He knew people were gonna do that.

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Through him, right?

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God sustains everything.

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If God stopped holding things together,
they wouldn't happen anymore, right?

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So even, even the reason that
people can date is 'cause God's

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keeping them alive, right?

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Even if you're not a Christian,
God is keeping you alive to do

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the things that you're doing.

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And to him are all things.

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So everything is supposed to be about God
So when we, in all things again, right?

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That includes dating.

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And the point of all of
it, to him be glory, right?

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We're, we're dating to
make God look great.

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That's really what we're here for.

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So your primary goal in dating
is to make God look great.

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That's your goal when you
date, if you date, right?

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You don't even have to date.

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But the primary goal in your
dating is this is about God,

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so I wanna make God look great.

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That's our zoom way out foundation, is the
most important person in my dating is God.

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Right?

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God owns your dating life.

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Even if you're not a Christian,
God owns your dating life.

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God owns your body.

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He owns…

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He, He's in charge of the things you
do with your body, the things that

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you decide, you and your girlfriend
or boyfriend decide to do together.

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God owns that, right?

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God made you.

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God gave you your body.

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So God owns that.

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He's in charge of that.

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And so what we wanna do
is say, "Okay, this is…

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We wanna make this about God.

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It's for God, and it's about God."

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And if you are a Christian, dating
and marriage is really just part

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of your relationship with God.

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Sometimes I think when we think
about dating, well, the Bible doesn't

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really say much about dating, so
we take dating and we put it, like,

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outside of our relationship with God.

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Well, my, my relationship with
God is over here, and then dating

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is this thing I just kinda do.

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Well, that's not how anything as a
Christian works, whether it's your

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sport, whether it's dating, whether it's
your friendships, no matter what it is.

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Everything is part of your
relationship with God 'cause

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everything's about God, right?

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If you're, especially
if you're a Christian.

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Everything in your life, you're, you're
saying, "I want this to all be about God."

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Right?

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So that should include the way you date.

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So if you think about this, dating is
really something that needs to come

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underneath your main goal in life, right?

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If you're a Christian, your main
goal in life is love the Lord your

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God with all your heart, right?

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Great commandment and great
commission, make disciples.

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Right?

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I want to love Jesus, and I wanna
help other people love Jesus.

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That's your, that's your goal in life
is I wanna, I wanna love Jesus, and

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I wanna help other people love Jesus.

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That's what making disciples means, right?

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Is I'm, I'm coming alongside
them and helping them love Jesus.

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So dating has to s- come
alongside under that.

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So if you're saying, "Okay,
I, I'm, I wanna date.

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I'm a Christian.

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How do I do it?"

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Well, dating has to be part of what
you're already doing It's kinda

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like a lot of pro athletes, right?

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Their whole life is about their sport.

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And so they take everything in their life
and they say, "Well, if this doesn't help

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me be, you know, the champion or the MVP
or whatever, then I'm not gonna do it."

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Right?

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So they, they cut food out of their
life, they cut people out of their life.

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A lot of these athletes, they, some of
them have terrible relationships, right?

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Like Tom Brady, he got divorced 'cause
his wife was like, "I want you to retire."

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He's like, "Sorry, I'm not doing it."

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And she's like, "Well,
I'm leaving," right?

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Because he put everything
into his mission.

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His mission was he wanted to
be the best quarterback, right?

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And he wanted to win a lot of Super Bowls.

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And everything in his life was about that
thing, which again, he picked the wrong,

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uh, uh, something that wasn't worth it.

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Uh, like I think now he'd probably be
like, "Well, I'd, I'd trade a, a, a real

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family for at least a few Super Bowls."

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But all that to say is if you're a
Christian, everything in your life comes

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under that, "Okay, I wanna love Jesus and
I wanna help other people love Jesus."

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And so the way you date s- has
to go along with those things.

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Does that make sense?

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So that's our starting point,
right, is dating is not a separate

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thing that you do over here and
then the rest of your life is about

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loving Jesus and loving God, right?

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It's also can't be a competition.

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Sometimes that happens.

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It's, "Well, I wanna love Jesus,
but dating takes up a lot of…

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It distracts me from that sometimes."

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Right?

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If that's happening, then
you're not doing it right.

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C- right?

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'Cause then your dating's not about God.

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Your dating's become separate.

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It's, it's actually competing against God.

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So dating has to be about God, right?

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It's an expression of my
relationship with God.

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It's not separate.

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It's not, you know, well,
occasionally some of it is godly.

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The whole thing has to be connected
to my relationship with God, right?

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The things we choose to, to do, right?

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The places we choose to go, the
things we talk about, right?

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The, even the attitudes we have,
what we're trying to accomplish when

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we date, it all has to do with God.

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There's nothing secular about the way you
should date because it's all about God.

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Now, what's the point of dating, right?

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Well, glorify God specifically, right?

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'Cause you, you don't have
to date to glorify God.

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You can glorify God just
fine without dating, right?

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Jesus lived a perfect life and
didn't go on any dates, right?

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Uh, the Apostle Paul wasn't married,
so he glorified God really well,

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and he didn't date either, right?

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So you don't have to.

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So why would you date to glorify God?

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Well, the reason you would date to
glorify God is because of what dating

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is for, and that's our second point.

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Dating is for marriage.

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Dating is for marriage

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Again, you don't have
to date to glorify God.

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So if you're saying, "Well, why
would I date to glorify God?"

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Well, it's because you'd
want to get married.

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That's, that's the reason you sh-
and now this is different than your,

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than what a lot of people would say.

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A lot of people will tell you that
dating is something you should do

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00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,358
for fun, or dating is something you
should do because it's just what you

236
00:11:17,358 --> 00:11:20,300
do, or dating is something you should
do because you like them and they

237
00:11:20,301 --> 00:11:22,083
like you, so you have to start dating.

238
00:11:22,590 --> 00:11:23,780
It's not true, by the way.

239
00:11:24,235 --> 00:11:26,841
Just because you like someone
and they like you does not

240
00:11:26,842 --> 00:11:27,826
mean you have to start dating.

241
00:11:28,282 --> 00:11:29,711
You, that's totally okay.

242
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:30,959
You don't need to start dating.

243
00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:33,039
And when I was in middle school,
it felt like that, right?

244
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,679
It felt like, "Oh, I have to start
dating 'cause they like me, and I, I

245
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,146
kinda like them, so we have to start."

246
00:11:37,146 --> 00:11:38,134
It's like, no, you don't have to do that

247
00:11:40,964 --> 00:11:41,850
So dating is for marriage.

248
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,076
And again, what's marriage about?

249
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,420
Well, marriage is about God.

250
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:45,007
Right?

251
00:11:45,007 --> 00:11:45,853
God invented marriage.

252
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:46,747
God made marriage.

253
00:11:47,294 --> 00:11:49,418
Um, God really cares about marriage.

254
00:11:49,466 --> 00:11:52,968
And this probably isn't the verse that you
thought would come up in a dating sermon.

255
00:11:52,968 --> 00:11:54,130
Maybe you did think it would come up.

256
00:11:54,145 --> 00:12:00,299
But in the Book of Hebrews 13:4,
God says something that shows he

257
00:12:00,299 --> 00:12:02,084
really cares about marriage, okay?

258
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:12,510
He says, "Let the, let marriage be
held in honor before, uh, among all.

259
00:12:12,723 --> 00:12:16,271
And let the marriage bed be
undefiled, for God will judge the

260
00:12:16,271 --> 00:12:18,002
sexually immoral and adulterous."

261
00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:21,582
Now, I just want you to focus on this
first part and then that comma, right?

262
00:12:21,766 --> 00:12:24,122
"Let marriage be held in honor among all."

263
00:12:24,858 --> 00:12:27,718
So currently, none of
you students are married.

264
00:12:29,072 --> 00:12:31,193
But who's all?

265
00:12:32,341 --> 00:12:34,980
Right, that includes you guys, right?

266
00:12:34,982 --> 00:12:39,776
So even if you're not married, God
is saying you need to honor marriage.

267
00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:42,260
You need to respect marriage

268
00:12:44,277 --> 00:12:49,660
And so what that means is that dating
is … If, if God cares this much

269
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:53,105
about marriage, well then God is gonna
care about your dating too, because

270
00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:57,045
dating is what you do on your way
to getting married usually, right?

271
00:12:57,047 --> 00:12:57,781
At least in our culture.

272
00:12:57,792 --> 00:12:59,486
Some cultures you don't date, right?

273
00:12:59,924 --> 00:13:02,783
Some cultures you just get married,
and then you figure it out from there.

274
00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:06,819
Um, and you can praise God that you
don't live in that type of culture.

275
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:11,744
But most people throughout all
of history have not dated, right?

276
00:13:11,744 --> 00:13:14,564
Dating, most, most people throughout
history, like when you get to heaven

277
00:13:14,566 --> 00:13:18,515
and talk to people, most people you
talk to didn't go on dates before

278
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:21,553
they got married, which maybe that's
something crazy for you to think about.

279
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:25,409
But, um, God really cares
about marriage, right?

280
00:13:25,411 --> 00:13:29,144
And so in your dating, you
want to respect marriage.

281
00:13:29,152 --> 00:13:31,032
You wanna honor marriage, right?

282
00:13:31,032 --> 00:13:33,300
You wanna make marriage the highlight.

283
00:13:34,782 --> 00:13:37,047
So how do you do that when you date?

284
00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:38,008
Well, you think about it like this.

285
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:41,237
Dating is a pathway, not a destination.

286
00:13:42,193 --> 00:13:42,273
Right?

287
00:13:42,284 --> 00:13:43,919
Dating is a pathway, not a destination.

288
00:13:43,930 --> 00:13:45,191
Dating is not the goal of dating.

289
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,017
The goal of dating is not to have
a girlfriend or have a boyfriend.

290
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:50,513
The goal of dating is not
to be in a relationship.

291
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,786
The girl- the goal of dating is
not to have someone love you.

292
00:13:53,308 --> 00:13:55,267
The goal of dating is
not to do fun things.

293
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:59,194
The goal of dating is not to
not be lonely anymore, right?

294
00:13:59,519 --> 00:14:03,677
The goal of dating is,
it's, it's to go somewhere

295
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:13,040
Um, Shay and I, when we got married,
we were blessed to go on a honeymoon

296
00:14:13,045 --> 00:14:15,395
right after, and we got to go to Hawaii.

297
00:14:15,404 --> 00:14:16,145
It was awesome.

298
00:14:16,264 --> 00:14:16,948
It was really cool.

299
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:23,069
I want you to imagine on our
way to Hawaii, we spent a ton of

300
00:14:23,069 --> 00:14:25,126
money on, like, our plane ticket.

301
00:14:25,141 --> 00:14:26,595
We got, like, the nicest plane.

302
00:14:26,595 --> 00:14:27,693
We got, like, a private jet.

303
00:14:27,926 --> 00:14:30,602
We got all sorts of, like,
cool food service on the plane.

304
00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:33,198
We got all sorts of, like, awesome things.

305
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,520
We, you know, we, we had the, the
just, like, you know, think of

306
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,386
everything you'd want in a private
jet, and, like, we had that.

307
00:14:39,515 --> 00:14:40,579
Imagine that, okay?

308
00:14:41,554 --> 00:14:45,798
But then when we get to Hawaii,
we're, like, in a tent on the

309
00:14:45,798 --> 00:14:48,413
side of the road, and we're just

310
00:14:48,563 --> 00:14:52,697
We- we're in Hawaii, but, like, we already
spent all our money on the plane and all

311
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:55,787
the cool stuff on the plane, so we ran
out of money by the time we got to Hawaii.

312
00:14:55,832 --> 00:14:56,755
Imagine we did that, right?

313
00:14:56,757 --> 00:14:58,150
You'd be like, "You're so dumb."

314
00:14:58,839 --> 00:14:59,010
Right?

315
00:14:59,022 --> 00:15:01,485
The point of your trip was Hawaii.

316
00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:05,095
The point of your trip was not
the plane, but you blew all

317
00:15:05,095 --> 00:15:06,224
your money on the plane ride.

318
00:15:08,106 --> 00:15:10,400
I don't want you to do that when you date.

319
00:15:11,508 --> 00:15:11,703
Right?

320
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:12,847
Dating is just the plane ride.

321
00:15:14,485 --> 00:15:15,554
Marriage is Hawaii.

322
00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:17,395
Right?

323
00:15:17,413 --> 00:15:20,592
Don't blow all your
money on the plane ride.

324
00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:26,269
And what I mean by that is you wanna
date in a way that serves marriage.

325
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:29,913
You wanna date in a way
that protects marriage.

326
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,816
You wanna date in a way
that makes marriage awesome.

327
00:15:33,335 --> 00:15:37,797
You don't want to date in a way that
steals money from your future marriage.

328
00:15:39,216 --> 00:15:39,425
Right?

329
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:42,828
You don't wanna date in a way that's,
uh, in a sense, the way every dollar

330
00:15:42,828 --> 00:15:46,440
we spent on our plane ticket was a
dollar we didn't spend in Hawaii.

331
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:54,965
So you wanna date in a way that
promotes a good marriage, right?

332
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:57,786
You wanna date in a way that
sets up a really good marriage.

333
00:15:58,919 --> 00:16:01,648
'Cause ultimately, right,
hopefully, you're married for way

334
00:16:01,648 --> 00:16:03,328
longer than you dated for, right?

335
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:04,725
Ideally, that's what happens.

336
00:16:05,176 --> 00:16:08,185
And so you wanna date in a way that,
that makes your marriage great.

337
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,455
You wanna date in a way that-

338
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:15,929
Saves money for marriage
rather than steals money from

339
00:16:15,929 --> 00:16:16,948
marriage, if that makes sense.

340
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:21,695
And again, your goal in marriage
is to make Jesus look great, right?

341
00:16:21,695 --> 00:16:24,584
To love Jesus and to help
other people love Jesus.

342
00:16:24,748 --> 00:16:27,919
So when you date, I want you
to think about marriage, which

343
00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:29,075
kinda sounds weird, right?

344
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:31,102
Especially if you're on the
younger side in this room.

345
00:16:31,102 --> 00:16:32,054
You're like, "Why am I
thinking about marriage?"

346
00:16:32,056 --> 00:16:37,638
Well, dating and marriage
are related, right?

347
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:41,339
No one goes to the airport just
to go to the airport, right?

348
00:16:41,339 --> 00:16:42,848
No one's like, "Oh, yeah,
the airport's so cool.

349
00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:45,126
I just wanna walk around the airport
and hang out in the airport for

350
00:16:45,126 --> 00:16:49,284
five years, and then I'll get on
the plane and I'll, I'll go," right?

351
00:16:50,393 --> 00:16:55,290
Right, dating is part of … It's
just the journey, right?

352
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:56,704
It's, it's not where you're going.

353
00:16:57,704 --> 00:17:03,347
And so if your focus is on
just making your airport

354
00:17:03,347 --> 00:17:04,521
experience really great, right?

355
00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:07,546
You get your, you know,
you get your, what's that?

356
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:10,334
Admirals Club thing, and you,
you know, you stay at the airport

357
00:17:10,339 --> 00:17:11,844
forever and all this stuff, right?

358
00:17:12,138 --> 00:17:16,021
You're, you're focused on the,
like, the, the wrong thing, right?

359
00:17:16,022 --> 00:17:20,349
And then so you wanna travel in
a way that makes your trip great.

360
00:17:22,473 --> 00:17:26,349
So there's a lot of bad thoughts you
can have about marriage and dating, but

361
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,811
there's also a lot of good thoughts you
can have about marriage and dating, okay?

362
00:17:28,811 --> 00:17:30,619
So I want you to think about marriage,
but I also want you to think about

363
00:17:30,621 --> 00:17:31,896
marriage the right way, okay?

364
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,952
So when you think about marriage
while you're dating, there

365
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:35,977
are some bad thoughts, okay?

366
00:17:35,978 --> 00:17:36,702
Here are some bad thoughts.

367
00:17:36,979 --> 00:17:42,744
You can treat your girlfriend,
boyfriend like your spouse, right?

368
00:17:42,746 --> 00:17:43,872
That's a bad way to date.

369
00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:46,979
That's a bad way to think about
marriage while you're dating, right?

370
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:49,546
Maybe what you do is you
marry them in your head before

371
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,513
you're actually married, right?

372
00:17:51,832 --> 00:17:55,044
That's not a good way to
date with marriage in mind.

373
00:17:55,044 --> 00:17:57,455
Maybe you're like, "Well, yeah, we're,
we're already, you know, planning out

374
00:17:57,456 --> 00:18:00,773
our, all our kids, and we already picked
a house, and we already did all this

375
00:18:00,773 --> 00:18:02,011
stuff together while we're dating.

376
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:03,541
W- we're preparing for marriage," right?

377
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,625
Bad idea, right?

378
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,387
Don't let your head marry them before
you actually can, or your heart, right?

379
00:18:13,581 --> 00:18:16,926
Um, you can also treat them
like your spouse, right?

380
00:18:16,926 --> 00:18:19,510
There's physical ways you can treat
them like your spouse that you sh-

381
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:21,073
obviously shouldn't do, and you know that.

382
00:18:21,979 --> 00:18:24,387
But emotional ways, you can
treat them like your spouse,

383
00:18:24,389 --> 00:18:26,351
too, before you're married.

384
00:18:27,331 --> 00:18:27,499
Right?

385
00:18:27,499 --> 00:18:30,781
You can, uh, y- I'm sure you've
all have seen that, right?

386
00:18:30,781 --> 00:18:34,030
The … Most people, when they
start dating, they disappear.

387
00:18:34,597 --> 00:18:36,127
Especially if you're a high
schooler, you know this, right?

388
00:18:36,306 --> 00:18:38,805
Most people, when they start
dating, they're, they're, they, they

389
00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:40,139
can't hang out with you anymore.

390
00:18:40,311 --> 00:18:41,602
They're not free anymore.

391
00:18:41,813 --> 00:18:42,987
E- they're just, they're gone.

392
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,628
You're like, "Where are th-"
"Oh, they started dating."

393
00:18:44,630 --> 00:18:45,609
Everyone's like, "Oh, okay."

394
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:46,287
Right?

395
00:18:50,287 --> 00:18:52,330
When you start dating, you
can start isolating in a

396
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:53,835
way that's unhelpful, right?

397
00:18:53,836 --> 00:18:56,578
And if that's, maybe you say, "Well, yeah,
we're trying to, we're trying to figure

398
00:18:56,578 --> 00:18:58,956
out if we should get married, so we gotta
spend all this time together," right?

399
00:18:58,983 --> 00:19:01,315
Well, that's one way you
could date in a way that's

400
00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:05,406
You're thinking about marriage,
but it's not good, right?

401
00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:09,338
Or maybe emotionally you're so
dependent on this one person, right?

402
00:19:09,338 --> 00:19:11,810
Your boyfriend or your girlfriend,
they're just the person you

403
00:19:11,811 --> 00:19:13,142
go to with all your problems.

404
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:17,137
And you're saying, "Well, I need to
know if they're, they're a good spouse.

405
00:19:17,328 --> 00:19:19,444
I have to bring them my problems
and talk about all the important

406
00:19:19,446 --> 00:19:20,976
stuff and give them all my baggage."

407
00:19:22,055 --> 00:19:24,277
Uh, so we're, we're trying
to get ready for marriage.

408
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,722
But you're treating them like your
spouse, and they're really not.

409
00:19:28,232 --> 00:19:28,408
Right?

410
00:19:28,408 --> 00:19:30,755
So those are some bad ways
you can think about marriage.

411
00:19:30,765 --> 00:19:33,419
Or maybe a bad way you think about
marriage when you're dating is

412
00:19:33,419 --> 00:19:34,463
you don't care about marriage.

413
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:37,956
You have put all your
money into the airport.

414
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,889
Maybe the, the, your bad thoughts
about marriage while you're dating

415
00:19:41,904 --> 00:19:43,845
are, "Oh, all I care about is dating.

416
00:19:44,245 --> 00:19:47,783
I'm not even thinking about, oh, this
person might actually marry someone else.

417
00:19:49,277 --> 00:19:51,558
This person I'm dating is not mine yet."

418
00:19:53,034 --> 00:19:55,513
And so you haven't even thought about
dating, and so you're doing things with

419
00:19:55,513 --> 00:20:01,206
them that they're gonna have to tell
their future spouse about, and that's

420
00:20:01,206 --> 00:20:03,486
gonna be a really bad conversation.

421
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:05,224
And so…

422
00:20:05,389 --> 00:20:06,913
Or, and you don't even think
about marriage at all, and you're

423
00:20:06,913 --> 00:20:08,404
just like, "Well, I just really
like being with this person.

424
00:20:08,404 --> 00:20:10,142
They're fun to hang out
with," and you're not even…

425
00:20:10,172 --> 00:20:12,895
It's not even on the radar, "Oh,
would this guy be a good dad?

426
00:20:13,897 --> 00:20:15,959
Would this girl be a good mom?"

427
00:20:17,857 --> 00:20:20,367
So maybe the, your bad thoughts
about marriage, you don't even

428
00:20:20,399 --> 00:20:21,165
think about marriage at all.

429
00:20:21,665 --> 00:20:22,501
You're totally…

430
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,976
Dating is totally separate
from marriage, and that's not a

431
00:20:24,979 --> 00:20:26,024
good way to look at it either.

432
00:20:26,908 --> 00:20:28,793
So what about some good thoughts?

433
00:20:28,854 --> 00:20:31,799
Well, maybe you wanna think about,
"How is the way I'm dating right

434
00:20:31,799 --> 00:20:34,434
now gonna impact my future spouse?"

435
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:38,015
That's a good thought to
have about dating, right?

436
00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:40,136
If, let's say you're dating a…

437
00:20:40,622 --> 00:20:42,031
Let's say you're a guy,
you're dating a girl.

438
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:48,774
Could I look her future husband
in the eye at their wedding and

439
00:20:48,774 --> 00:20:49,949
say, "Hey, I treated her well.

440
00:20:49,963 --> 00:20:50,771
I respected her.

441
00:20:51,591 --> 00:20:52,264
I honored her"?

442
00:20:54,314 --> 00:20:54,627
Right?

443
00:20:55,190 --> 00:20:55,838
Could you do that?

444
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:02,384
Or could you do the same thing,
ladies, for your future, for

445
00:21:02,384 --> 00:21:04,921
your boyfriend's future wife?

446
00:21:06,463 --> 00:21:07,794
That's, that was right, I think.

447
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:08,484
Yeah.

448
00:21:09,110 --> 00:21:09,444
Okay.

449
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,879
Um, but yeah, how will this…

450
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,241
Or are, are the things I'm doing
with, with my girlfriend or my

451
00:21:15,241 --> 00:21:18,639
boyfriend, how is that gonna h- w-
if I tell my spouse about it, and

452
00:21:18,639 --> 00:21:20,628
it's not them, how's that gonna go?

453
00:21:21,986 --> 00:21:22,190
Right?

454
00:21:22,190 --> 00:21:25,971
That's a good thought to have
about marriage while you're dating.

455
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,969
Also, you, you wanna think about,
you wanna, you wanna tie your

456
00:21:29,975 --> 00:21:33,130
thoughts about marriage to the,
the point of your marriage, right?

457
00:21:33,265 --> 00:21:34,207
What's the point of your marriage?

458
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,629
Is it to have a lot of fun
and, and do whatever you want?

459
00:21:37,697 --> 00:21:38,630
No, right?

460
00:21:38,804 --> 00:21:42,588
Is it to find someone who can
replace Jesus so you can only, you

461
00:21:42,589 --> 00:21:45,036
know, care about that person and,
and love that person, and that

462
00:21:45,038 --> 00:21:49,055
person's gonna meet all your needs
and, and make your life perfect?

463
00:21:49,322 --> 00:21:49,764
No.

464
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:49,995
Right?

465
00:21:49,995 --> 00:21:51,101
That's not the point of getting married.

466
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:55,851
So even thinking about what type
of person should I marry, that's a

467
00:21:55,851 --> 00:21:58,784
good thought to have as you date,
and even before you date, honestly.

468
00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:03,802
So there's good thoughts we can have
about marriage or even about yourself.

469
00:22:04,278 --> 00:22:07,465
Am I ready to be a husband or a wife?

470
00:22:08,723 --> 00:22:10,956
Am I relatively close to being ready?

471
00:22:12,328 --> 00:22:16,072
Well, if you're saying, "I am
10 years away from being a,

472
00:22:16,157 --> 00:22:19,992
a good husband," well, okay.

473
00:22:20,860 --> 00:22:24,313
So if you start dating now, guess what?

474
00:22:25,368 --> 00:22:28,360
In five years you're not gonna be
ready to be a good husband, right?

475
00:22:29,379 --> 00:22:33,350
So if you're not relatively close to
being a good husband or a good wife,

476
00:22:34,004 --> 00:22:35,236
probably shouldn't start dating, right?

477
00:22:36,357 --> 00:22:38,950
Because otherwise you're gonna be
dating for a really long time, and that

478
00:22:38,952 --> 00:22:40,803
person is gonna be like, "Hurry up.

479
00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:41,383
Get ready."

480
00:22:42,218 --> 00:22:44,019
Or you're gonna get married, and
you're gonna be like, "Oh, I didn't

481
00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:45,256
know this was gonna be so hard."

482
00:22:45,993 --> 00:22:46,226
Right?

483
00:22:46,226 --> 00:22:50,171
So if you're not, if you aren't
ready, then you don't wanna…

484
00:22:50,754 --> 00:22:50,985
Right?

485
00:22:50,985 --> 00:22:54,929
If, if, if you can't afford the, the
vacation, don't get on the plane, right?

486
00:22:56,263 --> 00:22:58,145
'Cause you, you can't get out.

487
00:22:59,813 --> 00:23:00,223
So-

488
00:23:02,789 --> 00:23:05,265
There's-- We wanna think about
marriage as we date, but again,

489
00:23:05,266 --> 00:23:07,864
there's good thoughts and there's
bad thoughts about marriage, right?

490
00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:11,823
We don't wanna pretend we're married when
we start dating, but we also want to be

491
00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:13,819
mindful of marriage when we start dating.

492
00:23:14,578 --> 00:23:14,886
Okay?

493
00:23:19,170 --> 00:23:24,631
The last thing that I want you to know
about dating has to do with this, right?

494
00:23:24,802 --> 00:23:26,503
Again, well, why are we dating?

495
00:23:26,504 --> 00:23:27,390
We're dating to glorify God.

496
00:23:28,381 --> 00:23:29,462
And how are we gonna glorify God?

497
00:23:29,462 --> 00:23:33,831
We're gonna glorify God by having a
marriage that shows that Jesus is great.

498
00:23:34,057 --> 00:23:34,819
That's the point of marriage.

499
00:23:35,018 --> 00:23:38,349
The point of marriage is Jesus
loves the church this way, and

500
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:39,961
I'm gonna love my spouse this way.

501
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:44,677
That's the point of marriage, is, "Oh,
you wanna see how Jesus loves his people?

502
00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:46,438
Watch how I love my spouse."

503
00:23:46,717 --> 00:23:47,808
That's the point of marriage.

504
00:23:47,828 --> 00:23:50,009
Ephesians 5:25-33, right?

505
00:23:50,708 --> 00:23:53,006
The point of marriage is for you to
say, "If you don't know what God's

506
00:23:53,007 --> 00:23:55,418
love looks like, watch my family."

507
00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:56,837
That's the point of marriage.

508
00:23:57,187 --> 00:24:01,540
So if that's what's, that's what the
point of marriage is, then I need

509
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:05,964
to date in a way that's gonna help
me be that type of person, right?

510
00:24:05,975 --> 00:24:07,206
And find that type of person.

511
00:24:08,930 --> 00:24:11,023
So that shapes our priorities, right?

512
00:24:11,023 --> 00:24:13,629
If we know where we're going,
okay, what type of person

513
00:24:13,630 --> 00:24:14,538
am I g- am I gonna look for?

514
00:24:14,538 --> 00:24:17,101
Well, I have a clear
mission in mind now, right?

515
00:24:17,499 --> 00:24:21,593
I know I … If my main goal in life is
to love God and help other people love

516
00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:25,254
him, then I wanna find someone who's
gonna help me do that and who's gonna

517
00:24:25,260 --> 00:24:26,716
be really good at doing that, right?

518
00:24:27,088 --> 00:24:30,665
So having that clear mission
is gonna help you date better.

519
00:24:31,496 --> 00:24:33,655
So you gotta know where
you're going, right?

520
00:24:35,689 --> 00:24:38,640
So really dating is all about clarity.

521
00:24:38,814 --> 00:24:39,144
Okay?

522
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:39,737
Clarity.

523
00:24:40,177 --> 00:24:42,320
Now, I also put in
parentheses, not closeness.

524
00:24:43,063 --> 00:24:43,495
Okay?

525
00:24:43,980 --> 00:24:49,589
Most people, whether they're Christians or
not, most people usually think dating is

526
00:24:49,591 --> 00:24:50,910
about getting really close with someone.

527
00:24:52,105 --> 00:24:52,286
Right?

528
00:24:52,286 --> 00:24:56,105
The point of dating, most people
would say, is to spend a lot of time

529
00:24:56,106 --> 00:24:57,133
with this person they really like.

530
00:24:58,177 --> 00:25:00,009
That's what most people say
the point of dating is, right?

531
00:25:00,344 --> 00:25:03,017
Oh, they're really pretty, or he's
really cute, or she's really nice,

532
00:25:03,017 --> 00:25:05,686
or he's really fun, and so we're
gonna spend a lot of time together

533
00:25:05,686 --> 00:25:06,816
and have, and have a great time.

534
00:25:07,326 --> 00:25:10,827
That's usually why people start dating,
is I wanna be close with this person

535
00:25:10,831 --> 00:25:12,745
'cause I really like them, right?

536
00:25:12,747 --> 00:25:15,117
Or there's something that … There's
… I have a lot of fun with them.

537
00:25:15,118 --> 00:25:16,068
I'm really attracted to them, right?

538
00:25:16,071 --> 00:25:19,634
There's, there's things that
I want more of that, and so

539
00:25:19,634 --> 00:25:20,481
I'm gonna be close with them.

540
00:25:20,482 --> 00:25:21,733
That's usually why people start dating

541
00:25:24,270 --> 00:25:27,773
Really, if dating is about
marriage and marriage is about

542
00:25:27,774 --> 00:25:31,113
God, then dating is about clarity.

543
00:25:31,544 --> 00:25:34,584
Which clarity, by clarity I mean
you're trying to figure out if

544
00:25:34,608 --> 00:25:35,859
you should marry this person.

545
00:25:36,815 --> 00:25:37,834
That's the point of dating.

546
00:25:38,958 --> 00:25:39,370
Um

547
00:25:42,597 --> 00:25:47,012
Some of you have, uh, gone on some college
visits or gotten some college letters.

548
00:25:47,449 --> 00:25:48,996
Some of you don't even care about college.

549
00:25:49,485 --> 00:25:52,643
Um, but imagine, so what you do when
you're going to college, for those of

550
00:25:52,643 --> 00:25:57,395
you who haven't done this yet, you,
uh, usually you go to some college

551
00:25:57,405 --> 00:25:58,842
campuses and you see what it's like.

552
00:25:59,382 --> 00:26:02,071
You're just like, "Is this a place that
I'd wanna be for four years," right?

553
00:26:02,263 --> 00:26:03,753
"Is this the type of
place that I could live?

554
00:26:03,754 --> 00:26:05,323
Is, you know, what's the food like?

555
00:26:05,323 --> 00:26:06,630
Do they have a Chick-fil-A on campus?

556
00:26:06,843 --> 00:26:08,138
What's the area like?

557
00:26:08,388 --> 00:26:09,331
Um, you know, do the…

558
00:26:09,379 --> 00:26:10,571
What are the people like?

559
00:26:10,572 --> 00:26:12,655
What other sorts of weirdos
are going to this school?"

560
00:26:12,850 --> 00:26:13,132
Right?

561
00:26:13,204 --> 00:26:14,118
How is this gonna work?

562
00:26:14,629 --> 00:26:17,462
Especially if it's a Christian school,
um, 'cause you're gonna get a lot of

563
00:26:18,456 --> 00:26:20,778
weird Christians and a lot of really
cool Christians at the same time.

564
00:26:20,787 --> 00:26:21,336
It's a fun place.

565
00:26:21,763 --> 00:26:22,992
But, um-

566
00:26:25,737 --> 00:26:27,002
Imagine you're going on a college visit.

567
00:26:27,014 --> 00:26:28,132
You're gonna scout out
this college, right?

568
00:26:28,132 --> 00:26:29,667
You're trying to decide,
should I go to this college?

569
00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:33,361
But the whole point of your college
visit, you're just like, "You know what?

570
00:26:33,874 --> 00:26:36,703
I just wanna have the most fun
possible on this college visit.

571
00:26:36,722 --> 00:26:38,450
I'm gonna just do all the student things.

572
00:26:38,668 --> 00:26:40,388
I'm gonna go to the basketball game.

573
00:26:40,678 --> 00:26:43,486
I'm gonna, you know, spend
the night in the dorms.

574
00:26:43,486 --> 00:26:44,866
I'm gonna go out with the boys.

575
00:26:44,866 --> 00:26:47,017
I'm gonna, you know, hang
out in, with the girls.

576
00:26:47,017 --> 00:26:50,078
I'm gonna do all this cool college
stuff, 'cause, you know what?

577
00:26:50,146 --> 00:26:51,283
I don't really get to do this.

578
00:26:51,295 --> 00:26:52,068
I'm in high school.

579
00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:54,462
I just wanna live like a college
student for a weekend, and I

580
00:26:54,463 --> 00:26:55,793
wanna do all these fun things."

581
00:26:58,347 --> 00:27:02,668
That's how most people date, is I
just wanna live like a married person

582
00:27:02,670 --> 00:27:06,120
for a little bit, so I'm just gonna
try to enjoy all the married stuff

583
00:27:07,127 --> 00:27:08,352
without actually being married.

584
00:27:09,353 --> 00:27:10,356
That's how most people date.

585
00:27:10,357 --> 00:27:11,404
I don't know if you ever
thought about that before.

586
00:27:11,656 --> 00:27:16,391
But most people, they turn
the college visit into a party

587
00:27:18,607 --> 00:27:19,483
And I don't want you to do that.

588
00:27:19,495 --> 00:27:22,398
The point of the college visit is,
am I gonna go to this college or not?

589
00:27:23,285 --> 00:27:24,562
That's the point of the visit, right?

590
00:27:24,572 --> 00:27:26,735
The point of the visit is to
help you decide, am I gonna

591
00:27:26,736 --> 00:27:27,749
go to this school or not?

592
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,543
The point of the college visit
is not to live like a college

593
00:27:30,543 --> 00:27:31,348
student and have a ton of fun.

594
00:27:32,358 --> 00:27:36,170
Same way, the point of dating is
not to live like a married person

595
00:27:36,170 --> 00:27:40,941
and have a ton of fun and get
really close with someone, right?

596
00:27:41,051 --> 00:27:43,561
The point of dating is to figure
out, should I marry this person?

597
00:27:45,572 --> 00:27:47,251
So dating is about clarity.

598
00:27:47,251 --> 00:27:49,839
What I mean by that is clarity is
you're trying to figure something out.

599
00:27:49,886 --> 00:27:50,912
You're trying to answer a question.

600
00:27:51,787 --> 00:27:52,544
That's the point of dating.

601
00:27:52,553 --> 00:27:57,323
The point of dating is not just to
be in love and to, you know, have

602
00:27:57,326 --> 00:28:00,609
fun and watch Disney movies e- even
though you're a guy just because,

603
00:28:00,621 --> 00:28:01,687
you know, she likes them, right?

604
00:28:01,970 --> 00:28:03,687
That's not the point of, of dating

605
00:28:07,054 --> 00:28:08,911
Now, there's an important
distinction too, right?

606
00:28:09,174 --> 00:28:12,969
It's not whether I want to
marry this person, it's whether

607
00:28:12,974 --> 00:28:15,471
I should marry this person.

608
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,515
Very big difference
between those two words.

609
00:28:19,511 --> 00:28:22,405
Whether I want to marry this
person and whether I should.

610
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:25,915
Whether I want to is part
of whether you should.

611
00:28:26,816 --> 00:28:29,865
You should want to marry the
person if you're gonna marry them.

612
00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:32,311
Some people get married 'cause
they feel like they have to, or

613
00:28:32,313 --> 00:28:34,413
they feel like, well, there's no
other better options out here.

614
00:28:34,535 --> 00:28:35,192
Don't do that.

615
00:28:35,535 --> 00:28:36,397
It's a horrible idea.

616
00:28:38,235 --> 00:28:41,525
But the bigger question is not whether
I want to, it's whether I should.

617
00:28:41,535 --> 00:28:42,691
Because again, what's
the point of marriage?

618
00:28:42,693 --> 00:28:44,338
The point of marriage is I
wanna make God look great.

619
00:28:44,654 --> 00:28:47,227
So again, I'm looking for a person
who's gonna help me do that.

620
00:28:47,938 --> 00:28:51,895
I'm looking for a person who's gonna
help me make God look great, and

621
00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,920
that's the person I should marry.

622
00:28:55,914 --> 00:29:00,283
Again, the point of dating is not
just to make your life better.

623
00:29:00,668 --> 00:29:01,576
That's why some people date.

624
00:29:01,982 --> 00:29:03,083
I'm sure some of you feel that.

625
00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:05,944
You wanna date because you think
it'll make your life better.

626
00:29:06,319 --> 00:29:07,544
It'll make my life more fun.

627
00:29:07,980 --> 00:29:09,185
It'll make me feel loved.

628
00:29:09,701 --> 00:29:12,481
I'll, I'll feel s- the security
of having a relationship.

629
00:29:12,988 --> 00:29:16,416
I won't feel the loneliness
of being single anymore.

630
00:29:17,535 --> 00:29:19,788
I'll finally feel like I have respect.

631
00:29:20,093 --> 00:29:22,543
Maybe you don't put it like that,
but maybe you're thinking, oh, now

632
00:29:22,573 --> 00:29:26,224
people will, will respect me because
someone actually likes me, right?

633
00:29:26,953 --> 00:29:30,578
Or again, there's all of these
reasons that people start dating,

634
00:29:31,452 --> 00:29:33,367
and really it's all they just want…

635
00:29:34,231 --> 00:29:34,800
It's for them.

636
00:29:34,851 --> 00:29:36,178
I, I wanna make my life better.

637
00:29:36,323 --> 00:29:39,388
There's something about it that'll
make me happy or make me feel better.

638
00:29:40,635 --> 00:29:42,794
Or maybe it's they wanna
experience things, right?

639
00:29:42,795 --> 00:29:47,721
Maybe you wanna date because you
just wanna have that relationship.

640
00:29:47,733 --> 00:29:48,674
You wanna know what it's like.

641
00:29:48,684 --> 00:29:48,998
You want…

642
00:29:49,018 --> 00:29:52,746
Or maybe there's certain things you wanna
do or you want that person to do for you,

643
00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:53,915
a- and you're thinking, "I just wanna…

644
00:29:54,212 --> 00:29:57,517
I want someone to, to care about me
as much as a boyfriend is supposed to.

645
00:29:57,533 --> 00:30:01,144
I want, I want someone to, to love me
as much as a girlfriend is supposed to."

646
00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:05,391
And again, that's about closeness,
and that's really, you're asking that

647
00:30:05,392 --> 00:30:10,342
person to do what a spouse is supposed
to do and not what a girlfriend

648
00:30:10,343 --> 00:30:11,418
or boyfriend is supposed to do.

649
00:30:13,201 --> 00:30:17,966
So the goal of dating is not to get as
close to marriage as possible, which

650
00:30:17,975 --> 00:30:19,825
usually those are the questions we ask.

651
00:30:19,871 --> 00:30:22,717
Even in a Christian dating series,
maybe you thought we were gonna

652
00:30:22,718 --> 00:30:26,530
talk about, oh, how far is too far,
and should we kiss, and boundaries,

653
00:30:26,530 --> 00:30:28,064
and, and what all this stuff, right?

654
00:30:28,064 --> 00:30:30,007
And those are sometimes
good to talk about.

655
00:30:30,184 --> 00:30:34,194
But those questions are usually
I'm trying to experience as much of

656
00:30:34,194 --> 00:30:38,314
marriage as possible before I get
married, and that's not why we date

657
00:30:40,611 --> 00:30:40,754
Right?

658
00:30:40,754 --> 00:30:44,345
We don't date to, to get as much of
marriage into my single life as I

659
00:30:44,366 --> 00:30:45,854
can before I actually get married.

660
00:30:46,586 --> 00:30:49,868
Or maybe you're scared of the commitment
of getting married, or you're…

661
00:30:49,986 --> 00:30:53,587
And, and so you're just gonna date and
date forever because you don't wanna

662
00:30:53,588 --> 00:30:57,822
do it, 'cause you don't wanna make that
commitment and, and lock yourself in.

663
00:30:58,953 --> 00:31:00,796
And, or you don't trust
the person that much.

664
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:03,413
But they're fi- they're fine to
date, they're not fine to marry.

665
00:31:04,621 --> 00:31:04,756
Right?

666
00:31:04,756 --> 00:31:06,839
That's, again, that's not the
point of what we're doing.

667
00:31:08,234 --> 00:31:10,719
That's just saying, "I want some
of marriage, but not all of it."

668
00:31:11,550 --> 00:31:12,738
And that's not the point of dating either

669
00:31:14,751 --> 00:31:17,117
So real quick, how do I do this, right?

670
00:31:17,129 --> 00:31:18,146
How do I pursue clarity?

671
00:31:18,146 --> 00:31:20,444
We're gonna talk about this a
lot more, but just real quick,

672
00:31:20,453 --> 00:31:21,489
you have to know your goal.

673
00:31:22,087 --> 00:31:23,007
We, we mentioned this before.

674
00:31:23,007 --> 00:31:24,529
You have to know what you're dating for.

675
00:31:25,356 --> 00:31:30,310
If you just date because it's fun,
you're not gonna be able to do this, or

676
00:31:30,310 --> 00:31:31,027
you're not gonna know what you're doing.

677
00:31:31,391 --> 00:31:33,358
So even before you start
dating, you need to know what

678
00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:34,572
you're, what you're looking for.

679
00:31:35,236 --> 00:31:36,803
You need to know who
you're supposed to be.

680
00:31:37,269 --> 00:31:42,564
You need to know who you should be with,
and also, you need to know what both of

681
00:31:42,564 --> 00:31:43,729
you together are supposed to be doing.

682
00:31:44,646 --> 00:31:50,127
So what you should do before you
date, we'll talk about this more I

683
00:31:50,137 --> 00:31:54,636
think next week or the week after,
but you should learn what a, what

684
00:31:54,636 --> 00:31:55,941
a marriage is supposed to be like.

685
00:31:56,376 --> 00:31:59,943
'Cause again, if the, if dating
is for marriage, then if you don't

686
00:31:59,943 --> 00:32:02,209
know anything about marriage, how
are you gonna figure out if you're

687
00:32:02,211 --> 00:32:02,988
supposed to marry that person?

688
00:32:04,605 --> 00:32:04,800
Right?

689
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,749
That's like saying, "Well,
I didn't take the class.

690
00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,182
I'm gonna take the test and see how I do.

691
00:32:09,056 --> 00:32:12,082
I, I didn't learn anything this
whole year, but I'm gonna take the

692
00:32:12,082 --> 00:32:13,774
test, and we'll figure it out."

693
00:32:14,771 --> 00:32:17,090
If you don't know what you're
looking for, how are you gonna,

694
00:32:17,333 --> 00:32:18,708
right, how are you gonna do it?

695
00:32:19,511 --> 00:32:27,031
It's like asking a blind person to draw
like, oh, draw a blue shark in, you know,

696
00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:31,265
um, swimming through the water and, and
they're gonna be like, "I've never…

697
00:32:31,317 --> 00:32:32,573
I don't know what that looks like.

698
00:32:32,573 --> 00:32:33,427
I've never seen it."

699
00:32:34,753 --> 00:32:37,873
So don't date blind and say,
"I, I, I don't know what a

700
00:32:37,874 --> 00:32:38,769
marriage is supposed to be like."

701
00:32:39,035 --> 00:32:42,526
And that's why we, we give you, right,
that's, that's why you have a church

702
00:32:42,857 --> 00:32:46,603
with godly marriages, so if you're
gonna date, you can say, "Here's what

703
00:32:46,603 --> 00:32:47,753
a marriage is supposed to be like.

704
00:32:48,115 --> 00:32:50,281
That's the type of person I'm looking for.

705
00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,934
That's the type of person
I'm supposed to be."

706
00:32:52,822 --> 00:32:52,978
Right?

707
00:32:52,980 --> 00:32:54,574
And hopefully your parents have that too.

708
00:32:56,028 --> 00:32:58,087
And if they don't, that's okay, right?

709
00:32:58,088 --> 00:32:58,981
That's why you have a church.

710
00:32:59,459 --> 00:33:02,385
There's other people, or there
are certain aspects of marriages

711
00:33:02,386 --> 00:33:03,422
that you're like, "I like that.

712
00:33:04,093 --> 00:33:08,214
That makes Jesus look really good," or,
"The way they forgive each other, that's

713
00:33:08,222 --> 00:33:12,597
really awesome," or, "The way that she
trusts him, that's so good," or, "The way

714
00:33:12,598 --> 00:33:14,699
that he respects her, that's awesome."

715
00:33:16,438 --> 00:33:17,671
So you need to know your goal.

716
00:33:19,021 --> 00:33:22,816
And you, also you need to have
the, the, you need to build your…

717
00:33:22,856 --> 00:33:25,131
This is gonna sound weird, but you need
to build your attraction to the right

718
00:33:25,133 --> 00:33:29,459
things 'cause sometimes the, what we're
looking for in dating is not what we

719
00:33:29,461 --> 00:33:30,866
should be looking for in marriage, right?

720
00:33:31,305 --> 00:33:32,968
Sometimes what we're looking for
in dating is someone who's gonna

721
00:33:32,969 --> 00:33:36,778
be really fun, someone who's gonna
just do whatever that I wanna do.

722
00:33:36,922 --> 00:33:38,952
They're gonna be okay
with all of my problems.

723
00:33:40,566 --> 00:33:40,781
Right?

724
00:33:40,781 --> 00:33:44,196
Well, when you're looking for someone
in dating, you should look for the same

725
00:33:44,206 --> 00:33:48,802
things that you're looking for in marriage
'cause again, that's what it's about.

726
00:33:49,598 --> 00:33:52,289
Um, also, you need to let
people see your relationship.

727
00:33:53,270 --> 00:33:56,421
You need people to know what your
relationship is actually like 'cause

728
00:33:56,901 --> 00:34:03,923
as you date, you get less objective
because you like the person more usually.

729
00:34:03,998 --> 00:34:05,472
That's how usually the way dating works.

730
00:34:05,483 --> 00:34:06,713
The longer you're together,
the more you like them.

731
00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:07,747
Um-

732
00:34:10,063 --> 00:34:13,024
And so you need to have people who see you
and will tell you, "Hey, you know what?

733
00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:17,164
I don't think you guys are a good
fit," or, "The way she treats you, or

734
00:34:17,165 --> 00:34:20,170
the way you talk to her isn't good."

735
00:34:21,045 --> 00:34:24,352
Or, "They're h- they're actually
preventing you from loving Jesus.

736
00:34:24,837 --> 00:34:27,287
You're- you've become a worse
friend since you started dating."

737
00:34:28,265 --> 00:34:31,288
Or, "You're-- You, you don't talk to
God anymore since you started dating."

738
00:34:32,669 --> 00:34:33,910
You need people that
are gonna tell you that.

739
00:34:34,763 --> 00:34:37,210
And then you also need to ask good
questions, and this is kinda like

740
00:34:37,565 --> 00:34:38,502
focusing on the right priorities.

741
00:34:38,502 --> 00:34:40,024
You need to ask good questions, right?

742
00:34:40,024 --> 00:34:43,254
Instead of asking, "Well,
how far sh- can we go?

743
00:34:43,264 --> 00:34:44,772
How late can we stay out," right?

744
00:34:44,772 --> 00:34:49,079
Those are helpful to some extent, but
more importantly, it's-- You're-- You

745
00:34:49,079 --> 00:34:52,808
need to ask if marriage is about God
and dating is about marriage, then you

746
00:34:52,811 --> 00:34:54,830
need to ask questions about God, right?

747
00:34:54,830 --> 00:34:56,036
What does this person believe about God?

748
00:34:57,227 --> 00:34:58,343
How's their Bible reading?

749
00:34:58,392 --> 00:34:59,783
What's their relationship
with God look like?

750
00:35:03,316 --> 00:35:04,771
Do they keep their promises?

751
00:35:05,634 --> 00:35:07,607
Are, uh, do they follow
through on their word?

752
00:35:07,721 --> 00:35:08,779
How do they spend their money

753
00:35:10,869 --> 00:35:13,465
Do they love other people
when they're hard to love?

754
00:35:13,815 --> 00:35:16,076
That's really gonna matter in
marriage, 'cause guess what?

755
00:35:16,097 --> 00:35:18,424
Newsflash, we're all hard to love.

756
00:35:19,364 --> 00:35:21,553
So if they're bad at loving
their siblings, they're

757
00:35:21,553 --> 00:35:22,536
gonna be bad at loving you

758
00:35:25,136 --> 00:35:27,570
You need to ask marriage-related
questions, right?

759
00:35:28,532 --> 00:35:30,031
What type of parent are they gonna be?

760
00:35:30,513 --> 00:35:31,266
Are they patient?

761
00:35:31,326 --> 00:35:32,244
Do they respect me?

762
00:35:32,447 --> 00:35:33,491
Those are the questions you need to ask.

763
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:35,685
So we'll talk about all that more later.

764
00:35:36,834 --> 00:35:40,253
But dating is about clarity, right?

765
00:35:40,253 --> 00:35:42,884
You're, you're trying to figure
out, "Should I marry this person?"

766
00:35:42,884 --> 00:35:44,424
That's really what it's all about.

767
00:35:44,563 --> 00:35:46,631
Because it's about God, right?

768
00:35:46,631 --> 00:35:47,625
I, I wanna glorify God.

769
00:35:47,843 --> 00:35:50,768
I wanna glorify God by having a good
marriage, and so I wanna date in a way

770
00:35:50,770 --> 00:35:52,584
that sets up that really good marriage.

771
00:35:52,983 --> 00:35:54,448
And again, you don't have to date.

772
00:35:55,099 --> 00:35:58,666
And that's also … Like,
Jesus didn't go on any dates.

773
00:35:59,547 --> 00:36:00,765
Paul didn't go on any dates either.

774
00:36:01,450 --> 00:36:05,541
There's a lot of awesome single
people that God says, "Well

775
00:36:05,542 --> 00:36:06,639
done, good and faithful servant."

776
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:11,347
And you're not any less human, you're
not any less Christian, you're not any

777
00:36:11,828 --> 00:36:15,432
worse off because you're not dating.

778
00:36:15,716 --> 00:36:17,775
So the point of this series
is not to get you to date.

779
00:36:19,221 --> 00:36:23,198
For some of you, the point of this
series is you shouldn't date right

780
00:36:23,199 --> 00:36:24,796
now because you're not ready.

781
00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:29,463
And so, again, this isn't you should date.

782
00:36:30,161 --> 00:36:33,599
This is if you do date, which you
don't have to, here's what you

783
00:36:33,599 --> 00:36:34,564
should be thinking about, okay?

784
00:36:35,002 --> 00:36:36,663
Let's pray, then we'll go to small groups.

785
00:36:38,477 --> 00:36:41,893
Heavenly Father, um, you made everything.

786
00:36:41,906 --> 00:36:42,993
You own everything.

787
00:36:43,629 --> 00:36:48,793
Um, your word says that
everything belongs to you.

788
00:36:50,011 --> 00:36:55,903
And so I pray that whether we believe
that or not, you convince us of that.

789
00:36:56,698 --> 00:36:59,480
Uh, we all need to be
reminded that you own us.

790
00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:00,253
You made us.

791
00:37:00,346 --> 00:37:02,023
You made our bodies, you made our minds.

792
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:03,360
You give us our time.

793
00:37:03,823 --> 00:37:06,081
Um, you hold us together,
you keep us alive.

794
00:37:06,533 --> 00:37:09,364
And so I pray that we wouldn't
rebel against you, but rather

795
00:37:09,365 --> 00:37:12,167
we would trust you and remember
that you're way smarter than us.

796
00:37:12,215 --> 00:37:15,356
You care about us way more than
we even care about ourselves.

797
00:37:15,735 --> 00:37:18,525
And so I pray that we would do things
your way because you're so good.

798
00:37:18,997 --> 00:37:23,586
So thank you for these students, um, and
I pray that you give them the, the wisdom

799
00:37:23,586 --> 00:37:26,950
and the, even just the ability to remember
the things that we're talking about.

800
00:37:27,392 --> 00:37:30,157
Um, and we pray that they have
great time in small groups.

801
00:37:30,158 --> 00:37:31,092
We pray this in Jesus' name.