Hello, everyone. This is Patrick Walsh, creative director here at the ScreamQueenz Podiverse Network. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Damn you, Uncle Lewis. Before we start the episode, there's a few things I would like to get out of the way. First, first of all, I'm sorry for my voice. I'm still working through some laryngitis. Lucky few. That means I'm not going to talk for long because two, one thing I want to make very clear, I'm not going to be doing this before every episode going forward. This is just for the first few episodes. Like I previously said, we were workshopping, and so we keep trying different styles and different tones and different bits, and not all of it works. So the episode you're hearing tonight is not indicative of things going forward because three, this episode has problems. First of all, we did not have Maya Murphy with us. We went ahead without her. I realized we should never do that again after the fact. It just threw off the energy, it threw up the vibe, it threw up the concentration level. And also, too, I didn't like the episode of the show. I didn't like Cupid's Quiver and I really got nasty about it, which is something I've always tried to not do, even back when I was still producing ScreamQueenz. In the later years of the show, I decided I'm not going to on movies anymore that don't deserve it. First of all, I'm not going to talk about things that I don't enjoy talking about. So I won't be talking about bad things. But if there's something I don't like about it, I'm going to make a compliment sandwich out of it. Just keeps things more positive. I let myself go down the negativity train today. So please don't let this indicate how the rest of these series is going to be, because it's not that way. But the most important thing I wanted to talk to you about is answering your questions. Because some people are saying, patrick, what's a Potter verse? What happened to ScreamQueenz? Okay, as you know, ScreamQueenz, the podcast retired and I've decided to expand things into a podcast network. A Potter versus just my cutesy marketing name for podcast network. The show. The Scream Queen show release schedule will continue as it always has. Shows will always come out on a Friday for non subscribers, non patrons, non Podiverse portal members. You will get episodes twice a month. You will get them on the 1st and the 3rd of the month. The episodes that release in the 1st will either be a classic episode of ScreamQueenz or one of these other shows that I have been workshopping that will be coming out publicly as well. And they will also be going through rotation. And those shows are. It came from the 70s where I talk about made for TV horror movies in the 1970s, behind the Screams, where I talk to the people who are making horror movies. And also, if the situation is right, if a movie comes out that needs to be talked about, ScreamQueenz itself, Scream queens will rise from the dead to talk about it. So that will all be happening on the first Friday of the month. The newly public episodes of Damn you, Uncle Lewis, however, will come out on the third Friday of the month. The other two Fridays belong to my Patreon subscribers. I'm babbling enough. I'll explain this more in detail later on, probably in a separate recording. Something that's not a podcast episode, because you don't care right now. You just want to hear the show. I don't get it. I get it. Oh, my gosh. Would you guys look at the time? The meeting is about to start. You gotta get in the basement of the store right now. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Sometimes Uncle Lewis Does Dreadful Things, the show where we talk About Friday the 13th, the series and today. Pay particular caution with the statuary around this place because we're talking about Cupid's quiver. Yeah. If you see a little cupid around, knock it to the ground. Break that ship. Break it. Break it. Break it. So unfortunately, shopkeeper Maya is not able to join us today because she's in Hawaii. However, we'll be hearing for her because she was good enough to record something for us.

Hey, everybody, this is Maya. Sorry, I am recording separately. I am going to be on vacation in Hawaii when all the cool kids are recording, but you still have to be subjected to how I feel about this episode.

But someone who actually showed up for the job is the fabulous Mr. Trae Dean. How you doing?

Hey, Patrick. How you doing?

I'm fabulous. How's Texas?

Nice and cool right now. Good weather. I saw that face.

You know, it is for rigid here. It is not even funny.

I just switched from pajama bottoms to shorts because I was getting warm.

Yeah. Meow, meow. I hate you. I went. I went out in four layers today.

Four. Four.

And was still cold. I went out having this one of those. What do they call them?

Polar. Polar.

Polar vortexes. We had them a couple of days ago and I went out to the store and I actually had to look down to see if I went out without pants because it was that cold.

Wow. Well, it's 66 degrees outside for me right now, so I still walk into.

Pants just in case, you know, I did have pants on. Just everybody else did not go to McDonald's with no pants on.

Oh, you know, this time, come on, come on. Do it a second time.

It would be more interesting than this goddamn episode. Oh my gosh. See, I lied to you guys last time I thought the episode that we're gonna covering was a cup of thyme, but clearly that was my brain just skipping over Cupid's quiver because this one is a snoozer.

It's so. It's not even bad. It's just boring.

It's blandy, bland, bland, bland, bland. But it is bad too. It's really bad. It's like all these elements that get thrown in for no reason. Plot lines that don't go anywhere.

It felt like an hour and a half movie that edited down to maybe.

40 minutes, but it felt like three hours.

It did. It did. And no crazy hair, no real crazy wardrobe.

That's a big problem. We'll get into that. ding dong Patrick from the future here. Actually, we're going to get into some of it right now because most of the problems that I have with this episode are because it sticks out like a sore thumb. It doesn't look or feel like other episodes in the show. The costumes are all off, the characterizations are off. Now, I bring up at a certain point, I'm sure at some point during this recording, that yet during the first six episodes of any TV show, there's a lot of fiddling going on behind the scenes. They're kind of fine tuning and trying things out to see what works before. Because this first six episodes are what gets sold to a network. It's what a network sees. And then they decide whether they want it or not. So this is also a time for them to experiment before things get locked in with big budget when they finally get bought out and get a bigger budget. And while I sense this was going on here, what I did not know was that even though Cupid's Quiver is the third episode that aired, it's the first episode that shot. So there's a lot of freshman frantic stuff going on behind the scenes. There's a lot of fighting in production apparently on what they wanted the show to look like and feel like. Not just this episode, but the show overall. And it shows. That's why Micki'snot behaving like Micki that's why the costumes are all drab. It's like nobody really were. There wasn't a cohesive idea of what Friday the 13th the series was going to be. Yet this episode falters for it. And initially I put a lot of the blame on that, on the director. And it turns out I was quite wrong. He was. Because in a situation like Friday the 13th the series where you have a different director every time, they're never in charge. You know, you're the guest for the day and we'll, we'll follow your orders. But really it's the people who have the money who are making the bigger decisions. So apparently he was getting battered around a lot. And who's this director, might you ask? Well, the director of Cupid's Quiver is a guy named Adam Goyan. This episode may not be great, but in a few years he's going to go on to be a two time Oscar nominee. Yes, he's the writer and director of the film the Sweet Hereafter, which also starred our very first Friday the 13th the series heroine and future Oscar winner herself, Sarah Pauley. And incidentally, the Sweet Hereafter also stars several Upcoming Friday the 13th the series cast members, including two time villain Tom McManus, who was the vampire in the Baron's Bride and also in the Eye of Death. But we'll get to them eventually. Anyway, what I also think is neat that Adam Egoyen gets nominated for both the screenplay and for his direction of the Sweet Hereafter. That was in 1997, but in 1996 he won an adult video award, a movie called Exotica. So he did award winning drama and award winning porn. Way to go, Adam. Also, since we're here, Cupid's Quiver was written by Stephen Katz. Stephen Katz also wrote the episode Tattoo. Tons and tons of TV work here. Lots of classic 80s stuff. 10 episodes of the A Team, lots of Magnum P.I. whole bunch of Knight Rider, Hardcastle, McCormick and L. A Law. Ding dong, back to the show. So Trae, do me a favor, just give me a quick synopsis. What's going on in the episode Cupid's Quiver.

It starts off with a man who has a cupid that can shoot arrow lasers at people. Lasers, Laser arrows. Like a really bad episode of Battlestar Galactica.

Ah.

And they, whoever they shoot to make them fall in love with you. But then for some reason you have to kill them. And Micki and Ryan get on the case of this at a campus, a college campus where everyone is 27 years old.

None of them look College age. They're all, like, 28 to 32. Significant muscle, but also, like, receding hairlines, bags under the eyes. Like, step it up. Casting.

Oh, my God. Do my. Brought this up, too. One of the things that really blows my mind about this is that, okay, I'm used to everybody being too old in horror movies, but these people even acted old. They didn't even try to act like they were in college. Like, the guy who ran the fraternity seemed like he should be like, I don't know, like, she should be a senior stockbroker, not even, like a junior stockbroker who just wants to be seen as stockbroker. Like, he's the biggest loser and you're the head of the fraternity.

Yeah. That frat was weird that the parties just seemed lame. Like, bunch of old people. I mean, they're down on drinking, but they're too. They're not even getting up and dancing because they're so old their joints might hurt. They're all just sitting down.

There's all having casual conversations, but Micki'swalking through like, oh, my God. You see what they're doing over there? I'm like,

do you believe they're actually doing that in public?

At least the lights are on. Any Luck?

What. What are they doing? Are they playing canasta? What's happening?

Have they haven't gotten a handle on Micki'scharacter? Because she seems to be the one to just whine about everything and such a group.

Well, also, this is the third episode.

Yeah, yeah.

There's usually for the first six episodes of any TV show, they're fiddling, they're trying to find their voice, and they're trying out different things, throwing shit at the camera to see what's going to stick. And I think they were trying to try out Micki as a prude.

Didn't work.

No. Because they have her dressed really drably and her hair. Her hair is criminally pinned back, which.

It's got so much volume that you can't pin that kind of hair back.

No, it's fighting. You can't see it stretching out. That's one of the entertaining things. But just to see her hair fighting this episode. But they got her in beige pencil skirts, and it's like, she's not wearing any makeup, and she's kind of all hunched over, like.

Yeah.

All of a sudden, like, she's this little shy character. I'm like, where's Robi?

No. Yeah.

This is not the girl who gets her kicks above the waistline, sunshine. No, sir. Right. For the right of the Bat, where the. I did enjoy about that. We featured the Members Only jacket Killer. If there was an episode. Thank you. If there was an episode of this show that featured a cursed Members Only jacket, I would be very happy.

They should have done that. But no, I just.

This is the only point of interest I had for the whole thing. And I'm glad. I was, like, so bored with this episode because it's not even. The acting's flat, the costumes are flat, the dialogue's flat, the plot's flat. I'm like, oh, let's just see who any of these people are. Cause you never know. And for the most part, it's the usual thing that you get with this show. They're all done. The litany of all these great Canadian TV shows. Great. Good for them. But one popped out, and I'm so glad I looked. The first victim, the redhead in the bar.

I remember looking her up, too.

Joy Boushell.

Joy Boushell from Terror Train.

Care to dance?

No, thank you.

Come on, one little dance isn't going to hurt you,

The lady said she didn't feel like dancing?

Excuse me.I don't seem to remember hearing myself talking to you

Doesn't seem to matter who you talk to, pal. You don't seem to listen to them anyway.

Come on, just one little dance.

Look, I don't know who you are or what you want, but

that is correct.She played Pet on Terror Train. And I always, like. I want to. In my mind, I want her to be a cousin to Joyful because her character in Terror Train was really similar to Joyful.

He was Joy.

Joy Boushell never looks the same anytime I see her. Never recognize her at all. So I didn't recognize her here. And I'm glad I looked her up, because I do like her.

Yeah, she was fine for the five.

Seconds she's on screen.

Okay, can we just talk about the Cupid? Just.

Let's talk about the Cupid, shall we? The cupid that looks different in every shot. I know. And it's supposed to have an ugly.

Face, and it does, which.

But it's got several ugly faces.

Isn't Cupid usually like a squishy baby little cherub face? Why does this one have a creepy Commedia dell' Arte face? Is that Janus? Is that. Why does it have a giant, oversized nose to be more menacing? I find children menacing. Children are scary. Would that be too close to the pilot? Anyways, the little Elvira doll, was it too close? That's why we have the scary statue.

And when it comes alive, it Slowly pulls back the quiver, and then a laser shoots.

Like, his laser shoots out and shoots you in the face, and it's like.

A solid stream, so no one sees it.

In order for this curse to work, you have to be lugging this gigantic. This guy's lugging this gigantic statue into bars, and nobody notices.

Personally, I always bring my creepy magic statue to the bar in case someone rejects me or I'm just, like, bored.

And he just puts it on the.

bar in a burlap sack, and nobody pays any attention to it. Nobody looks at it. Nobody comments on it. Nobody. Okay, whatever. It's the curse. It's the curse. It's the magic of the curse masking the whatever.

It was so bad. I was like, I forgot about the laser part. And it's just.

But even, like, the. The logistics of this don't make sense. Even from the opening scene, like, we start in a bar and the guys from the fraternity there. And also, this is a point I thought was interesting that in two episodes back to back, we're. We're tackling two creepy fraternal orders.

Oh, you're right. I did not think that.

Yeah, the Catholic monks and fraternities, both creepy. Both seeped in sexual ickiness.

Yeah.

Yeah. Neither was.

This episode is the incel episode. Oh, my God. And can we just point out that going as far back as the 80s, in this TV show, frat boys have always been creepy. Even the TV writers knew they were a threat. And, like, our main threat is creepier than the other frat boys.

But who?

Boy?

But the thing is, those frat guys are at the bar, though. They have nothing to do what's going on right now when this killer comes in to. To kill Joy Boushell, he makes Joy Boushell fall in love with her. They go to the honeymoon suite of this sleazy hotel, but then the fraternity guys are in the sleazy hotel, but they're not part of the bar. Like, wait, where. What were the hell in the fraternity guys doing in the sleazy, like, slutty Rent by the Hour hotel?

Oh, I think we know what they were doing.

Okay.

I think I know what they were doing.

Can we talk? Can we talk? Can we talk about the fact that they have a heart with an arrow through it under their Greek insignia for absolutely no reason?

That was the most. That was one of the things. The script is just. You had to have it because it made it that much worse.

Well, the thing is, it would have been great if the fraternity was sharing that thing. Like, it Was this whole, like, rape murder cycle going on in this fraternity, and they were all in on it.

That would have been a stronger story.

Yeah, and the fraternity was built around this thing. Like an episode of Buffy. Like that episode of Buffy with the. With the thing in the basement. The snake in the basement that they all sacrificed the thing to. That would have been cool, but no.

So they bust into this guy killing this woman, and then one of them sees this ugly ass cupid statue, which kind of fits the decor of the hotel.

Not according to the manager. Even for a hotel, that thing was ugly.

I know. I saw the statue when we barged in.

So it was here.

Yep.

Ugly little thing, too. I know, because I said to myself it was too tacky even for a motel.

Well, it's the other thing I like to say. Okay. It's the call. It's the call of the items that the people get during the show that, you know, the items call out to you. Ooh, take me home. But then this guy doesn't know how to use it.

No, he doesn't.

This is really nice.

Ugliest mother in the world.

Can't figure out how it helps you Out with chicks, though.

Is that what it's supposed to do?

It's a cupid, stupid.

Now clean up my room, will ya?

And leave my stuff alone.

So it's just been sitting on a shelf doing nothing? Or he's gay. It doesn't work on men.

I don't know.

Yeah, who knows? He was 50. He needs to make life choices. And again, that guy's played like the muscle goon, and he's all dressed like a big, like, fraternity dope. And he does all of his lines like, hello, I'm a Shakespearean actor. I'm like, oh, fuck off.

He looks like someone's dad.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dad at the barbecue embarrassing everybody. Yeah, yeah. The Nightmare on Elm Street 2 party. Dad.

Oh, yeah.

I don't work the barbecue with my shirt open and play all my Glenn Miller music. Oh, off.

Dad, I used to be the fraternity three years ago.

Oh, okay. He's a grandpa. He's still him. He's still pledging. And it's like, okay, okay. You think it's gonna be at the fraternity. But no, it's some damage schlub who can't even get into the fraternity, who's, like a janitor for the fraternity. Just. They let him wear the shirts.

Do a good job. Now we've got that pig party tonight.

Can I come?

Eddie, this party is not for you. Just because I'm nice enough to let you wear Delta Lambda Chi T shirts does Not mean you're one of us. Now, you'll have to excuse me. I got a million things to do. And don't forget to clean up the kitchen.

Eddie takes it, and how does he seem to know what it does?

Well, they all. That's the whole thing with the show. That's the thing with the show. They just know.

Okay, but here's the thing.

I didn't get one thing.

One thing. Okay, the big thing I didn't get. So the cupid shoots a woman, she falls in love with you, and then you have to kill her. Why?

Why? Well, the thing is, what I thought again, this is bad writing. Because it was almost there, Jack, of course, when. When Micki spots the. An article about the. The killer being like, the kid. The guy who attacked the girl at the beginning is arrested and he's put on death row. And there was something about that in the newspaper, and she mentioned he did it for Cupid, and she's like, hey, isn't there something in the. In the log about a Cupid statue?

Jack, what do you remember about that cupid in Uncle Lewis's manifest?

The Cupid of Melek? Yes. I remember picking that up in Cairo. That was commissioned by one salem Melek in 1453. In Italy? In Milan, to be exact. Yet it was said that Melek was so ugly that no woman could look at him without turning away. I got him pretty upset. So he vowed vengeance on all those who denied him love. He had the Cupid cast in his own image.

The man arrested for the brutal honeymoon sweet slayings, Gerald Hastings said he had to kill for Cupid's sake.

You don't think there's any item number 00729, the cupid of Malek.

Says here that Uncle Lewis sold it to a Frederick Mason, but that was over four years ago.

Great EMS Mason. It seems Mr. Mason didn't like women either. He killed three of them, was sentenced to death.

Where was I going with it? Oh, and then Jack, of course, is. Oh, yes, in the 14th century, some Roman emperor had this or whatever, some hooty tooty toot was so fucking ugly that he had this thing cast. And he had the Cupid cast in his ugly image. And he was supposed to be so ugly that no woman could not look at him without vomiting or something like that. And he vowed to get revenge on everyone who ever turned him down.

Okay, so that's what it was.

Yeah. So it was A deliberately ugly cupid...and we're Touring. Touring Trae's house.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but my dog's.

Whining to go outside.

Although in this explanation scene, this was the one line of dialogue that made me go. What? It's the first line of dialogue from Ryan.

What was it?

He goes Micki, Stop jiggling.

Stop jiggling. I'm just getting to the good part.

Yeah, they're going to play at the whole sexual.

And I had to rewind that four times. I'm like, what is she doing? What's happening? What's happening in this scene?

What was happening in this scene?

She was reading the article, but he was reading the comics on the back of the newspaper.

Right?

Okay. Yeah, but it's so off lens. I'm just like, what was going on? I see. Was she, like, giving him some motorboat was going on. What's going on over there?

Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

Curious goods and curious acts in this store.

Okay, okay. So I will talk about the clothes for the schlubby girl boys girlfriend. She was wearing the.

Oh, the Linda of the group.

The Linda.

So Linda trying to pull off Molly Ringwald's haircut. Not working.

She looked like the girl from the Take on Me video. With a haircut. Yeah. And she's wearing a long, like, prairie skirt with a denim jacket over it.

There were denim jackets galore in this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they had that. The premiere.

The costume designer had one idea and used it for everybody, but everyone did them.

Everyone. Someone worked at a denim warehouse and was gonna just make sure they got all the stock in there.

Yep. Okay, so back to her. You didn't like her?

No, she was okay. She was stupid. She looked ugly. Her fashion sense was bad. And she's that the nice girl who hangs out with all the assholes. Which I kind of hate that cliche because she has boyfriend. She was dating one of the jerky frat guys.

Yeah, yeah. And she had no character. None. Zip.

Zero.

There was no. Nothing to go. That girl's interesting. I see why you want him. Want her to fall in love with you.

Yeah, yeah.

She's just an average, above average looking girl in horrible attireable clothes dressed like a secretary.

Secretary who's bought. Who's borrowed her daughter's jacket.

Yeah, yeah. Ding dong Patrick from the future again. So Trae and I spent a lot of time this episode railing on the actors who played our villain and his intended victim. And we're talking about Dennis Frost and Carolyn Dunn. So those Patreon listeners who are out there who have been with us from the beginning. You know, we're over in. In real time. We're deep into season two at this point. And we love Dennis Frost and Carolyn Dunn. They've come back several times. Dennis Frost has played incredible villain after incredible villain and Carolyn Dunn is done two fabulous performances in the Quilt of Hawthorne and Wedding in Black. But here, both of them are meh. And if we've got two exceptional performers turning in not so great work and a future director who's. Who's going to be up for an Academy Awards someday turning and work this man. It goes to tell me that there's something else going on behind the scenes. So it just all goes back to that problematic working atmosphere that nobody's working up to their full potential here. There's some force that's just holding everybody down. And it's unfortunate, but I hate that we tore into them knowing how much we're going to love them later on. But we did what we did. But just letting you know, for people who are fans of the show going, how can you hate these two? They're the greatest villains, the greatest heroine we've ever had. Yes, I know, I know. But they weren't yet. They will be soon, but not now. I've talked enough back to the show. What I thought was going to happen was going back to the legend I thought based on the first kill. Even though she doesn't get killed with Joy Bushel, everything's going fine. They're having. They're having 80s TV sex, which is kind of like rolling around with the clothes on and everything's fine until she says, I love you. I thought that's like, that's the game. You have to get them to fall in love with you. And once they fall in love with you, you have to kill them.

But no. The story was even that clever.

No, no. But then that didn't work at all. No, that they didn't follow through with that. And then it happened with the other girl too, the second girl as well. But then it didn't follow through with.

The one who was killed by the bees. That was a bizarre death scene.

Oh, we're not there yet.

Okay, okay, I'll wait.

Let me take that back, honey. That scene made me so uncomfortable. But we'll get there. Oh, my gosh. Oh, God. Oh, God. In the wrong way. In the wrong way.

I want to talk about how it's fine that we kill all these unnamed women that are incel guy wants to sleep with, but we're supposed to be Happy that we saved the one who got a name at the beginning of the episode. Shouldn't each of them be, like, scary and sad? Why? Why is this?

Okay, Maya, that is an excellent question, and I wish I had an answer for you, but there's a lot of that in this series. Not just with women. It's often women, but it's often, you know, the. The. The introductory kills are just nameless and never particularly mourned or are important. They're just forgotten, which is icky. Don't like it. Thank you for bringing that up. Yeah, so, yeah, this guy's cleaning for the fraternity and steals it from the doof who stole it from the hotel room. Meanwhile, Micki and Ryan have gone to the crimes. The crime scene, initial crime scene from however many years ago. Just talk to people. If anybody remembered seeing the statue. And like, the hotel guy remembers seeing the statue, like you were saying earlier. Oh, but it was too ugly. But then he remembered some guy, one of those guys who wears the weird letters on their shirts.

Now that I think of it, it was gone already. Of course, there was so much commotion. Thank God for those college guys.

College guys?

Yeah, from dusted. Throwing the bar, having a couple of beers. When I heard the noise, I tried opening the door, but it was double locked. Next thing I know, these guys are locking the door down. Well, they all wear the same kind of T shirt, you know, with these funny letters.

I don't know what they say.

It's all Greek to me. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you. That's stellar writing.

It was like, the writers room is feeling really clever. So we have the frat boy saying, it's a cupid. Stupid rhyming peak humor. And then we had the guy cleaning up the crime scene at the hotel, and he was like, they had funny letters on their shirts. I don't know. It's all Greek to me. Like, ha, ha ha. It's funny because they didn't realize that he was doing thing from Julius Caesar.

Yeah. So they're able to trace it back to the fraternity and they're. They're. They're going undercover. Like, they pass themselves off as cops to the stupid hotel manager of the sleazy hotel. And now they're trying the same thing at the fraternity, and, man, Micki can't.

She's the worst undercover person. This.

She dressed. No, first of all, first of all, she's dressed like an asshole. Like, she's wearing the denim jacket with the beige ass skirt with her hair all pinned up with this gigantic purse like, cops do not carry. Cops do not carry gigantic purses.

Hell yeah.

As a rule, you got to be able to move. You can't be lugging around a 30 pound purse. But the guy's like, are you guys cops? Do you have a warrant? And she just immediately goes, not exactly. I'm like, wait a way to. Wait. Wait a way to. Useless. She. She's terrible in this episode.

Yeah, yeah, she actually. She is really bad. Like, if you didn't know what was coming up for her in future episodes, she'd be a write off.

Not Robey's fault. I'm sure it's saying it's not the actress's fault. It is the costuming. It's the direction, it's the writing. Like, everything out of her mouth and going, stick in the mud. Stick in the mud. Like, she's always a little bit of stick in the mud, but usually it's stick in the mud with some sassy.

Yeah. So this will show us the evolution of Robey in the show.

At a certain point, she's like, oh, is she? I forget what Ryan, like, was trying to say. Hey, well, maybe you'd be interested, like when they first meet creepy Eddie guy to get directions to the fraternity when he's harassing this girl on the street. And, like, they're not reading the room at all. Not reading the room. This is a girl in distress.

I thought we could go out again.

Eddie. We never went out in the first place.

I thought we did. We had a date, remember?

It wasn't a date. I helped you with your homework. That was all.

I see.

You think you're too good for me, huh?

No, that's not what I meant. Some loan pay.

I'm not one of the guys on the football team. My car's not fancy enough. Start it, huh?

I don't want to talk about it. Please, Eddie, don't make me have to call for help. If I report you this time, you'll be kicked out of school for good.

Excuse me. Could either of you help us?

Sure. What is it?

There must be a dozen fraternities around here.

Fifteen to be exact, but only about two or three good ones.

We were looking for the one that has as its symbol the heart with the arrow going through it.

Delta Lambda Chi.

Are you a member?

Yeah.

Oh, then you can tell us how to get there.

I could do better than that. I could show you where it is. I'm going that way myself.

So am I.

You care for a ride?

It's really not that far.

No, thanks. I think we'll walk. Sorry if we interrupted anything.

I'm glad you did.

And they're leaving and Ryan's like, well, hey, maybe he, you could go out with him.

And she goes, ryan, I'm engaged.

Not tonight.

Ryan, I'm engaged. And I said, she says, I'm engaged. The same way someone would say, yeah, I'm engaged. But it would be to a supermodel in Canada. But you're in Canada, so I guess, I don't know. Newfoundland. What? That?

Yeah.

What do people in Canada say they're engaged to? People who don't exist, go to. Like if we hadn't met her fiance, I would say she was totally lying about being engaged.

Yeah, she kind of brings up just to remind us, oh, yeah, she's engaged, but she's living in a whole different city.

Hasn't talked, but yet never brings up we're related. Yeah, that never comes up.

That's the thing. They made him cousins and they made him act the entire series like two people who are definitely not related, who.

Are destined to bone.

God, the thought of. Oh, I mean, God love him, but Ryan has the sex appeal of a 13 year old girl.

Really? You don't like his plaid jacket with the rolled up sleeves and the skinny ties that come down to his like mid chest?

He's such a wuss. He's just.

Here's the thing, I gotta pause, I gotta pause because I gotta talk about fashions here.

Okay?

The guy stuff is bad, but it's period bad. It's on track bad, but not like anything what anybody would wear every day.

Okay?

But whoever costumed this episode had, like I said, had one concept for everybody. Everybody is wearing some sort of jacket with the sleeves rolled all the way up on the jacket, past your elbow. Everybody had that on. The girls, the women, everybody had that look. And I said, I remember that look. And I remember you couldn't do it. It was just impossible to roll your sleeve up that the jacket and your shirt up that much and get it past your elbow and not look like. Yeah, just brought back some issues. I remember trying that and looking like a bad. So you. And just as well, because you do look like an. No.

Well, everyone looked like an in the 80s. I was there.

It's true, it's true. But one concept, one concept.

Okay, I want to talk about the creepy guy for a minute because Eddie, Eddie, Eddie with the receding hairline and the thin, thin hair, I mean, he did look like if you were casting for a serial rapist, he was right on the nose.

Absolutely. But for a college student.

No, no, no, no.

None of them. I mean none of them but him in particular. I don't even know what age you're going for, but it's okay.

So if the frat leader was the junior stockbroker, this is the guy in the firm who has all the coke and is handing all the coke out of the parties and hitting all the.

Yes, except he'd be more popular.

You're right. Okay, so we have to recast everybody as.

He'd be getting laid. He wouldn't need the damn statue.

Yeah, but he would. Yeah, but he wouldn't be getting choice me. It'd just be the skanky but still.

Okay.

Yeah, he would be.

Did you see what Eddie was picking?

Yeah, I did. Yeah. She would be the mousy receptionist. Yeah.

And since we're there, he picks up, he tries it out on some other girl again. Lugging this thing into a bar. Nobody comments on it.

Got a light?

No.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I do.

It's all right.Care to go for a ride.

Where to?

How about Mason Creek.

Sounds nice.

Nope.

But that girl apparently did a couple of. Did quite a few episodes of Queer as Folk, which I didn't watch.

Oh, okay. Me neither.

She was a semi regular, so good for her.

And I also like that whenever the Cupid is about to shoot people in the bar, the crowds just part. So it has a direct line of sight to the victim. Just so convenient. Maybe that's part of the power.

Uh huh.

And the laser that no one else sees.

The laser that nobody else. The other thing, that was gross too. That I hated too. And it's the total male gaze thing that people talk about now is that whenever he's got. Whenever either of the killers have the statue and they've picked out a victim, you keep getting like close ups of the women's mouth as they talk. Or it's like they're. They're color Taj. I'm like, just like. Did you see giant lips on my camera? On my TV screen? Just gross. So he gets this girl at a bar. She gets shot in the eye with eyes. And he takes her off to a meadow because it's got lots of flowers there and they smell really sweet. And she's like, I love flowers. Who wrote this crap?

I know the perfect spot. Out of the way. Lots of beautiful flowers. Sweet smelling.

That's good because I love flowers.

Yeah, because once it shoots in the turn in like these horny porn stars who just. Everything. Sexual innuendo. And they're Just. They're ready to get it on.

Oh, yeah. They're dt. They're beyond dtf.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's more like, why ain't we effing now?

Exactly. Let's just go to it right now. Because it's not love, it's lust.

But, yeah, they can get to. They couldn't get a motel room. And so he takes us off to some meadow and they're getting on in the car. No.

Is that his car or her car?

I think it's his car. Because he does offer to drive Micki and Ryan to the fraternity earlier on, so I think it's his car. It must be, because. What's it. What's in the. What's. What's in the glove compartment? Oh, fuck that. She finds.

i watched this A week ago and I forgot it.

Gives him lots of energy. You want a little taste? Oh, yeah. She finds like a squeezed bottle of honey.

Oh, God, what's that?

Honey. I love honey. Gives you energy. You want some?

Which leads to, like, the grossest, like, most uncomfortable, like, sexy. I don't know what they're like licking it off each other and everything out of his mouth. I'm just like. I'm not even playing the soundtrack because it's just gross.

Do not use the honey as a sex toy. That will give you an infection. Don't do it. Oh, it turns out the honey is a sex toy to kill you with bees. So not gonna live long enough for a yeast infection. But, like, dodgy. Dodgy at best.

Maya, actually, thank you for that information because that is something I was not aware of. I've learned something here today. See here? Sometimes Uncle Lewis does dreadful things. We're saving lives, Maya. We are saving lives.

Death scene.

It gives the energy and the yeast infection. Apparently the honey is there so that she gets herself all coated in honey. So you can go out, look for a beehive, apparently bring it back and throw in the car and kill her with these bees.

I brought yourself company.

So wait, so when you went into the bar, this is what you were planning? This is what you were planning?

Yeah. The most elaborate death scene. And it's your car. You now got a car full of bees.

I didn't even think of that. But of course I'm looking at her going, open the other door. Go out the other door. That door in front of him. He's standing in front of you? Yeah, the other door is open. Go out the door. It's going to take a long time to die from beast things you got. Oh, forget it just. Stupid. Of course. Maybe they're just evil bees.

Yeah. The one eerie part is him, like, laughing at her through the glass and doing the little heart of I love you and mouthing I love you to.

Her that I give you. That was mildly eerie. Had it not been absolutely ridiculous? I said, well, you just tromped around in the woods like, hold on a second. I got to go find a beehive.

And how did he not get stung?

Evil. Evil. Okay.

The curse. And of course, Cupid is in the bed of the truck looking in on.

Her as she's looking like Lloyd Kaufman. Some trauma. There are points that looks like harpo marks. There are parts that looks like Lloyd Kaufman. There are parts it looked like George Hamilton.

George Hamilton.

Like that. I mean, I don't know who he's supposed to look like, but every shot, it looks like a completely different person. None of them are completely ugly. But I thought Lloyd Kaufman was a great point. This is a Lloyd Kaufman way to go. So she's dead and I just. I don't care.

No.

There's a whole chase and then. But then the. The girl of his dreams gets shot with an arrow and she's.

Nice Night.

Scared me.

Sorry. Mind if I sit down?

Yes, I do. I'm with someone.

I see. That's too bad.

Just go away, Eddie, please.

I brought you something. It's a token of my affection for you.

He's in love with him. But then Micki and Ryan intercede and they take her to the shop, but she.

Please, you've got to come with us.

So he's taking a few pictures of me. So what?

He's obsessed with you. He's dangerous,

Eddie? he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Got it. Let's get out of here.

Where's Eddie? Listen, I'm not going anywhere to. Explain to me what's going on.

Tell you all about it after we.

Get out of here.

We can't wait.

Come on, Laurie, let's go. It's serious, Laurie

Let's go.

Thank goodness, you found her

Rescued her and like, hey, come spend the night with us at the shop. We never met you before. And she's. She's fine with it. She's like, okay, let's do it. And that was.

Yeah. You found a dead girl in the woods. I'll go find. I'll go off with you. No problem.

Yeah.

Yeah. And Micki's being really, really helpful and caring and it just. That came across kind of creepy.

It all things creepy. But you know what I thought was really creepy? Officer Mailman

Mind telling me what you're doing up there, son.

Just shooting pictures of Birds, officer, for my natural studies class.

Well, I always did like natural studies myself.

The guy who's supposed to be a cop and he's dressed like a mailman

Who comes around a little scooter bike and it sees.

Oh, I get it. You're campus security. But everybody's acting like you're a cop and you're dressed like a fucking mailman.

And the first time he sees creepy dude isn't creepy dude in a tree with binoculars looking at people.

Yeah.

And he says, I'm bird watching.

And you could tell that campus security guard does not buy it, but is like, okay, as you were. Keep going.

Yeah, but I got to take this statue back for no reason.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Just to pack. There's so much plot padding and shit stretching out. It's just boring and awful. Although. Although, seeing Micki in that blonde fright wig was amazing. It's a lot for the cs. I grabbed a screenshot of that because she looks absolutely fucking ridiculous. Because the. The intended victim, even though they took her to the shop, she still calls him on the phone. But because it's the 80s and it's a dial phone, they can hear it from three rooms away.

Why don't you come still spend the rest of the night together.

All right.

They can hear her dialing from three rooms away. And then they see the plan, so they throw Ricky in her outfit and give her this blonde fright wig that just happens to match that she's happen to have lying around here.

Well, of course it becomes really obvious because the guy's chasing after her and they never show her face. So it becomes really obvious that, oh, this is going to be someone else. And it turns around and it's Micki. And I'm like, okay. Yep, figured it.

Micki looking totally washed out, looking totally not Micki. Like, not a scrap of makeup, just looking like shit. She gets shot with the arrow. This is like an acrobatic chase.

Micki, get away from him!

I love him.

Hear that? Now, why don't you be a good fella and just run along and let the little lady and I have some fun.

I love that we had a gymnastics finale. I don't remember which Jurassic park movie it was where it was like, the daughter is gratuitously good. Was that Jurassic World? The one where Jeff Goldblum is the dad? I don't know. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure what the whole title was, Maya, But I know that was the third Jurassic park movie with Julianne Moore. And was it the third? Was the second? I don't know anymore. Whatever it was. I don't know. It was one of them. Was one. But okay, imagine like that girl who was doing the gymnastics in that Jurassic park finale could actually do the gymnastics. Then you'd have this gymnastic finale because this guy couldn't do the gymnastics that he was supposed to be doing.

Just dumb. And he places the statue on like on. On like a barrel. And he like strategically kind of turns it a little bit. Like because it hasn't pointed the right way. Because the statue can't turn itself.

But it has turned itself. It totally. We've seen it turn itself. We've seen it completely change its aim.

Not this time because he had to aim it just right.

Well, I guess it already had a victim. Yeah, it was adding another victim. He hadn't killed the other girl yet.

That's right. That's right.

But Micki gets shot. So she's all in love with him is an acrobatic chase. And the thing is the acrobatic chase is totally. Because the guy winds up killing himself twice.

So anticlimactic.

He's like, ah, I'm gonna kill you with his ax. Here, come after me, you. And he hits the accident wall. But hits a steam pipe and scalds him asshole. Scalds himself in the face a then goes climbing and then falls off the ladder for no reason. Like nobody's changed. He just fell off the ladder and died. And he put down the ax. You want it and shows over. Great. Yeah.

There's no. I mean like everything else is half assed and thrown together and he's dead. See, it would have been funny if the statue had hit Ryan and Ryan was in love with him and Micki had to save him. That leaves would have been a little interesting.

It would have been, but 80s TV was not ready for that.

No?

No. Not even late night.

Even for a curse.

No.

Even if you're stupid.

I did like that Jack was totally okay with basically dosing random college students for no reason.

What Is that.

Its just something that I whipped up from an old recipe I had lying around?

How old?

14Th century Scottish. You want me to tell you where the cupid is?

Huh?

Well, this is going to do it. It's an old Scottish truth potion. They'll tell you things you wouldn't believe.

What's in it?

Eye of newt. Toe of frog. ust a tincture of apothecary's pork. It's Napoleon. to you guys, sodium pentothal

Jack can bartend of course he can bartend. Of course he has a catering tux kicking around and a spare blender. And these frat boys have money to pay him to bartend at their sketchy Valentine's party.

I.

It's fine. It's all fine. And there is Uncle Jack's accent.He wants to say Scottish

Jack Moshack, accent master.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He becomes the. The bartender. He goes undercover as a Bartender and his cute little.

Cute little tuxedo that he just happened to have brought his own blender.

And everyone loves him because he has this great milkshake until he has to leave in the middle of the thing and won't get paid.

Yeah, but the thing is, it's filled with sodium pentothal.

Well, you know, it's a college.

This, this, this will get the kids to tell us where the statue is. So you're just going to dose everybody at this party with sodium parathol? You know, the ones that possibly go wrong. Oh, but it's a 14th century Scottish witches recipe. Oh, he had the worst line of the episode.

Oh, what was it?

There's an old witch's saying, if it looks like a bat and it flaps like a bat, it's a bat.

There's an old witch's saying, if it looks like a bat and it flies like a bat, it's a bat.

Like, not a witch's saying. No, no, no witch has ever said that. Ever. That's not even the saying. It's not a saying. It's a duck. It's a duck. A bat.

And this was the thing where he really, like last episode, he had nothing to do, so they really had to fight hard to get him to come in halfway through the episode because he sits out the first part, then he comes in halfway through that helps him out and does nothing at all.

He actually does volunteer to go after the victim, the killer guy, instead of the. The helpless girl for a change.

Okay, yeah.

But he does go, but just finds a dead girl. But yeah. Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring. And of course, it has to end with Ryan hitting on Micki.

That's okay.

That's your cousin that you've never met and you don't have any other family other than each other. I guess.

So we want to make some more. Well, make some. Some new kids with foreheads.

The family tree does not fork, but.

Its toes are webbed.

Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can tell they're really trying to get this show together because the characters just aren't gelling and they don't know what to do with Micki. But luckily they'll find something to do with her.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Hopefully soon. I remember these first few episodes are kind of clunky, but. Yeah, but this one.

Next one's good. The next one will be good.

It better. I'll beat you up. Okay, so. So my guest star. I decided in the role of Cupid to class things up. Academy Award winner and world famous tiny person, Linda Hunt.

That would be good. That would be good.

She at least had some. Something sassy to say, but she shot her laser.

Okay, I would go for tiny person, Selena Luna, who was in My Bloody Valentine, the remake, as the innkeeper.

I don't even remember.

Okay.

I did not like the remake. I saw it in the theater and just walked away.

Well, the Cuban face kind of looked like it. Did you ever see the original Clash of the Titans with Harry Hamlin?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes. What did it look like? Yes.

Yeah.

The service creature that was in love with the princess. That's who Cupid looked like.

Yes. Yes, yes.

Yes. That's what it'll be.

Okay, I will take that. I'll accept that.

And we should just make this where it happens. In a stockbroker exchange instead of a frat house. But we still keep all the characters the same and the actors the same.

No, let's. Let's make it a stock broker thing, but hire it all. With 16 year olds who can act.

And have nice and close.

I have an attache case and a BlackBerry because it's totally modern. I got nothing. I got nothing. This is a terrible episode. I hated every second of this. I hated every second of it. I did not want to talk about it. I don't want to do anything with it. But we've done it. We did it.

They got 37 minutes out of it.

Second worst line. The last line of it actually wasn't the last line, but it should have been. The last line was, when Ryan surveys the dead body and the carnage, he just goes, welcome to the world of love.

It's amazing what some people will do for us. Welcome to the world of love.

Shut up. And the next thing he's like, well, maybe I could just use the laser on that. And she didn't ask me. He asked the girl who survived out for dinner, and she's like, no, I got a real boyfriend. Well, maybe I could use a laser on her just a little bit. Maybe

Maybe if I just touched her with the arrow. Ryan,

I'm just looking for a little angel, right? What's life without a dream?

And then he's like, oh. She says no. And then he's like, hey, Micki, you want to go out to dinner with me? She's like, not on your life.

You want to go to dinner?

Dream on.

Even Jack put up his finger, was like, you're related. This finger looks like it says, stop, naughty boy. But it actually says, you're related.

Jack's whole job is to keep Ryan from harassing Micki. That's what it is.

Thank you. He's like, I'm Micki. No, no.

Jack seems like he' confirmed bachelor.

When we talked about this last episode, him and Uncle Lewis, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Him and Uncle Lewis did something back in the day, at least when they were teenagers. Some like that was going on.

Yeah, definitely talking about Joy Boushell and Terror Train Hart. Bachner's character. The whole gay subtext with that character.

Oh, yeah, we talked about that when we did the episode.

Sure. Absolutely.

Oh, yeah, that guy plays with bisexuality like a weapon.

Looks at one guy and he just gives him a really intense look. You know I love you. I do anything for you.

You know, I'm not wearing anything under these monk robes. You'll always have me. I mean it. Okay.

Remake that movie with a gay subtext in it.

Well, that'd be a whole different kind of train. Hey. Hey. And on that charming note, we're gonna say good night and thank you to Mr. Trae Dean, and mahalo to Maya Murphy off in Hawaii, wherever she is, doing whatever crazy tiki luau thing she's off to. So next time, we're going to be talking about the episode A Cup of Time, and it's a much better episode than this last one, so I will be in a much, much better mood. I want to say thank you to Casey Lowman from Evil Goods Design for our cool logo. Thank you to Sam Haynes for our theme song, Sinister Dark Wave remix, which you can get over@bandcamp.com as well as all Sam's music. I want to say thank you to Tradine and Maya Murphy, my fantastic co host. And I want to say thank you to all of you for joining us on this crazy journey. And hey, special thank you to all our Patreon friends who helped us get here. So until next time, everybody keep warm, stay safe, and never, ever, ever trust a knickknack Patty. Whack. Oh, I just gave my dog a bone. What?

Ew.

I don't even have a dog. What? I just have. Okay, end the show. Good night.