1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800 Well, hey there, Jonathan Doyle with you. 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:06,090 Thanks so much for taking a moment to check out this short presentation on this 3 00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:09,570 crucial and important topic of resilience. 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:14,490 You are about to hear a live presentation that I gave to a large group of 5 00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:18,150 high school students on this really crucial issue that seems to be getting 6 00:00:18,210 --> 00:00:20,100 more and more coverage these days. 7 00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:24,720 In this presentation, I'm gonna define what resilience actually. 8 00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:29,805 . I'm gonna talk about why it's becoming so much more important 9 00:00:29,805 --> 00:00:32,475 in the last few decades, and then we're gonna do two things. 10 00:00:32,475 --> 00:00:36,405 They're gonna give you some theoretical frameworks about how you can think 11 00:00:36,405 --> 00:00:39,255 about resilience, that'll really help you grow in the whole area. 12 00:00:39,675 --> 00:00:41,265 And then we're gonna do some practical stuff. 13 00:00:41,269 --> 00:00:45,825 I'm gonna give you some practical things you can do to really grow and improve in. 14 00:00:46,815 --> 00:00:47,925 Of resilience. 15 00:00:47,925 --> 00:00:50,875 I don't know about you, but it is a complex, challenging, 16 00:00:50,879 --> 00:00:52,875 demanding time in human history. 17 00:00:53,114 --> 00:00:54,765 There is so much coming at us. 18 00:00:54,765 --> 00:00:58,935 So this presentation is about helping all of us grow in this 19 00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:00,405 crucial strength of resilience. 20 00:01:00,405 --> 00:01:01,455 How we can s. 21 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:05,200 Bring back into shape when all the challenges of life hit us. 22 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,590 Now, this presentation, as I said, was given to a large group of high 23 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,650 school students, but you can apply this anywhere, whether you are eight 24 00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:15,220 or 80, there are principles here that you can use in family, in your 25 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:17,170 personal life, in your business life. 26 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:19,340 So make sure you stay to the very end. 27 00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:21,570 because that's where the real gold is. 28 00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:25,050 Wanna do the practical steps underneath here, Wherever you're watching, 29 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,280 there's a whole bunch of links. 30 00:01:26,610 --> 00:01:30,750 Go and check out the link, uh, to find out how you can book me to speak live. 31 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:34,020 I do this presentation live for groups all over the world, 32 00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:37,320 businesses, schools, students, uh, whatever organization you're with. 33 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,550 Go and check out the links here. 34 00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:42,030 Find out how you can book me to come and do this presentation live. 35 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:45,840 I think you can really agree with me that, um, there's always something special and 36 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,970 we're in a live room with real humans. 37 00:01:48,270 --> 00:01:49,020 All right, that's it for me. 38 00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,220 We're gonna jump into the presentation. 39 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:55,149 I'll catch up with you again at the end, but, uh, I really hope that this helps 40 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,920 you to grow and helps you to flourish. 41 00:01:57,310 --> 00:01:58,509 My name's Jonathan Doyle. 42 00:01:58,539 --> 00:01:59,590 I'll see you on the other end. 43 00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:02,354 I'm here to do a really simple sales job. 44 00:02:02,625 --> 00:02:08,084 I need to sell you on the concept of resilience in a very short space of time. 45 00:02:08,084 --> 00:02:08,775 Resilience. 46 00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:11,625 What is it and why would you want it? 47 00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:12,555 Is it possible? 48 00:02:12,614 --> 00:02:13,515 Maybe we don't want it. 49 00:02:13,515 --> 00:02:15,584 Maybe we want less resilience. 50 00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:18,405 So what I'm gonna do over the time I have with you is just bring your 51 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,385 three, three pillars really simply. 52 00:02:20,385 --> 00:02:22,575 I always like people to know where we're going over the course 53 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,435 of a short presentation step. 54 00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:26,745 What is resilience? 55 00:02:26,745 --> 00:02:29,954 We can't improve something without defining it, right? 56 00:02:29,954 --> 00:02:31,215 We want to know what it is. 57 00:02:31,515 --> 00:02:34,095 Then we need to decide if we want it, if it's useful to us, and 58 00:02:34,095 --> 00:02:36,704 then we need to decide how we go about actually getting more of it. 59 00:02:37,035 --> 00:02:44,505 Step two is why is it a bigger issue now than it ever has been before? 60 00:02:44,505 --> 00:02:48,765 For example, when I sat where you sit at your age, I, I could 61 00:02:48,765 --> 00:02:49,665 tell you I'd never heard of it. 62 00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:52,755 Like I went through the whole of my secondary schooling. 63 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:53,565 I never heard it mentioned. 64 00:02:54,765 --> 00:02:57,405 . It's a relatively new phenomenon, only something we're talking 65 00:02:57,405 --> 00:03:00,734 about much more, more recently, and I think that's important. 66 00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:04,095 So we wanna know why we're talking about it more now because if you 67 00:03:04,095 --> 00:03:06,674 understand that, that can be helpful. 68 00:03:06,674 --> 00:03:09,644 Final stage is, um, what can we do to increase it? 69 00:03:09,674 --> 00:03:12,765 We're gonna define it, we're gonna decide why it's more important, and 70 00:03:12,765 --> 00:03:17,174 then I'm gonna give you two parameters by which you can increase it, right? 71 00:03:17,174 --> 00:03:19,214 I'm gonna give you some theoretical things you can think. 72 00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:23,295 Conceptual frameworks, then I'll give you practical things you can do. 73 00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:28,424 There is no point in sitting in a room for this long and simply walking away 74 00:03:28,424 --> 00:03:30,375 thinking, Well, that wasn't too terrible. 75 00:03:30,614 --> 00:03:32,805 I need to make sure we give you something you can actually put into practice. 76 00:03:32,810 --> 00:03:34,334 Yeah, something actually changes things. 77 00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:36,745 Otherwise, we're all amusing ourselves for no good purpose. 78 00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:43,305 So friends, we begin with this, the concept of what is resilience. 79 00:03:43,334 --> 00:03:45,345 Resilience does not come to us from psych. 80 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,840 Many of you would automatically think, given these things, that it 81 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,340 is a mental thing we gotta make. 82 00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:51,420 Did it come from psychology? 83 00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:52,650 Did it come from sociology? 84 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,080 It actually comes to us from science, and I want you to 85 00:03:55,085 --> 00:03:56,820 see the scientific definition. 86 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,010 Once you see that, we'll take it a step further. 87 00:03:59,850 --> 00:04:05,520 Scientific definition, the capability of a strained body object to recover 88 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,620 its size and shape after deformation. 89 00:04:08,355 --> 00:04:12,915 Caused, especially by compressive stress, you're they going, 90 00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:14,745 How is that relevant to me? 91 00:04:14,745 --> 00:04:15,675 And why are we here? 92 00:04:16,245 --> 00:04:20,204 I picked this up in the office just for our left, there's a micro, a microphone 93 00:04:20,204 --> 00:04:22,305 cover for an SM seven B microphone. 94 00:04:23,235 --> 00:04:27,855 Now, if you look at this, this is a body, it's a physical object, right? 95 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,445 If I add compressive stress to it, I'm gonna compress it. 96 00:04:33,345 --> 00:04:35,415 It's resilience in the scientific. 97 00:04:36,105 --> 00:04:40,425 Is whether or not it regains its original shape after deformation. 98 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,025 Let's watch it. 99 00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:43,845 We're gonna deform it with compressive stress. 100 00:04:43,845 --> 00:04:46,095 Yeah, we let it go. 101 00:04:46,845 --> 00:04:50,295 It immediately returns to its original shape. 102 00:04:51,255 --> 00:04:52,395 That's resilience. 103 00:04:52,455 --> 00:04:55,725 That's where it comes to us from the ability of an object to experience 104 00:04:55,815 --> 00:04:58,005 pressure, compressive stress. 105 00:04:58,695 --> 00:05:00,225 And return to its original shape. 106 00:05:00,765 --> 00:05:03,705 So this thing, theoretically, we could say scientifically has a 107 00:05:03,735 --> 00:05:05,625 reasonable amount of resilience here. 108 00:05:05,715 --> 00:05:09,555 We could do this over and over and over and over again, and we would 109 00:05:09,555 --> 00:05:11,225 find that it's particularly resilient. 110 00:05:11,230 --> 00:05:11,745 You with me? 111 00:05:12,165 --> 00:05:13,455 All right, ju, do me a favor. 112 00:05:13,455 --> 00:05:13,815 Good man. 113 00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:14,745 Come up front here for me. 114 00:05:15,885 --> 00:05:21,105 This is another body, it's physical object. 115 00:05:21,525 --> 00:05:25,545 This is a box that Olivia and Karen took to Sydney with tea bags. 116 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,719 Peppermint for Olivia English. 117 00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,460 Breakfast for Karen Jude. 118 00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,680 Um, I'm gonna place that there. 119 00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:35,700 Would you please provide downward compressive stress to 120 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,109 that physical object for me? 121 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,180 All right, grab a seat. 122 00:05:39,185 --> 00:05:39,510 Thank you. 123 00:05:39,515 --> 00:05:40,020 Well done. 124 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,979 You know, you, you know what's gonna happen Jude. 125 00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:46,740 I'm gonna get home and Karen go, Have you seen that car box of my tea? 126 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:47,880 I can't find it anywhere. 127 00:05:48,669 --> 00:05:50,710 Physical body compressive. 128 00:05:50,715 --> 00:05:51,210 Stress. 129 00:05:52,409 --> 00:05:53,340 See its resilience. 130 00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:53,580 Yeah. 131 00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:54,570 You with me? 132 00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:55,469 You getting principle? 133 00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:56,625 This one. 134 00:05:56,655 --> 00:05:57,195 This one. 135 00:05:57,795 --> 00:06:02,205 Different objects, different levels of compressive stress, different results. 136 00:06:02,265 --> 00:06:03,675 This is not retaining its shape. 137 00:06:03,675 --> 00:06:05,355 This is not going back to what it was. 138 00:06:05,955 --> 00:06:10,485 So let's take it to the way that we would understand it. 139 00:06:11,415 --> 00:06:16,965 It's our ability to recover from stress, suffering, rejection, or 140 00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,275 adversity to recover, to retain our. 141 00:06:20,295 --> 00:06:23,655 For each one of you in this room to go through difficult, possibly 142 00:06:23,655 --> 00:06:29,115 traumatic, painful experiences of suffering, rejection, who knows trauma. 143 00:06:29,115 --> 00:06:31,485 We're not going down that rabbit hole with anybody individually, 144 00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:33,645 but you live long enough. 145 00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:35,265 There is not a single one of you in this room. 146 00:06:35,265 --> 00:06:38,115 They're gonna put their hand up and say that you have not experienced something. 147 00:06:38,115 --> 00:06:38,565 Right? 148 00:06:39,855 --> 00:06:43,005 So the question becomes, what do you do with that? 149 00:06:43,245 --> 00:06:44,505 How do you recover from it? 150 00:06:44,925 --> 00:06:48,585 Is it simply genetics Does, you know? 151 00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:50,310 Is it Colleen? 152 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,480 Do you just recover better than Arabella because of genetics? 153 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,380 Is it environment? 154 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:57,420 Is it all these different factors? 155 00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:00,750 Is it fair that some of us would just get really good at, Some of us wouldn't. 156 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,110 So this is what I think resilience means. 157 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,660 Some people recover. 158 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:08,550 Some people don't. 159 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:09,780 Let's make it practical. 160 00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:11,520 Girls, you're in a friendship group. 161 00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:15,720 Someone says something about you post something about 162 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,310 you, does something to you. 163 00:07:17,460 --> 00:07:19,560 It is an experience of this. 164 00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:21,480 Do you recover shape? 165 00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:22,290 At what rate? 166 00:07:22,290 --> 00:07:23,310 At what speed? 167 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,800 What do you tell yourself about it? 168 00:07:26,850 --> 00:07:28,590 Men, you have an experience of failure. 169 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:32,100 Failure for us is kind of the parallel of rejection for women. 170 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,360 These are big, broad ideas. 171 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:33,880 Not every. 172 00:07:35,159 --> 00:07:38,250 . But when we experience failure, rejection, suffering, stress or 173 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,900 adversity, do we regain shape? 174 00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:44,430 It is highly possible to have low resilience and never get better. 175 00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:48,390 So this isn't the Happy Seminar where I tell you everything's gonna work 176 00:07:48,390 --> 00:07:49,710 out for everybody cuz it just doesn't. 177 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,210 It can't we, We know it doesn't. 178 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,419 But there are definitely things we can do. 179 00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:56,880 So let me show you a picture here. 180 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,620 Down the front there is my. 181 00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:03,930 And this is my grandfather. 182 00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:06,780 A man I never met, died 30 years before I was born. 183 00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:14,520 My father in that photograph's about 13 or 14, and my grandfather 184 00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:21,270 within about 18 months, died horribly in front of my father. 185 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,560 My grandfather died at 44, I'm 48. 186 00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:31,560 They were a very wealthy family living in England and on a Sunday. 187 00:08:32,790 --> 00:08:37,320 My grandfather had a massive heart attack in his bathroom, and we only figured out 188 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,560 the details many years later by joining a bunch of dots at my father, who was 189 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:45,150 the oldest of five boys, ran outside the house, climbed up a drainpipe, 190 00:08:45,155 --> 00:08:49,920 got into the bathroom and dragged him away, but then he died in front of him. 191 00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:53,310 A few weeks later, they sent my father to boarding school where he 192 00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:56,790 was basically completely traumatized. 193 00:08:58,035 --> 00:08:59,115 and he never recovered. 194 00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:00,645 And this is the point of this story. 195 00:09:00,645 --> 00:09:01,545 He never recovered. 196 00:09:01,545 --> 00:09:08,865 He spent the rest of his life with huge issues with depression, eating problems. 197 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:09,824 He never recovered. 198 00:09:09,824 --> 00:09:10,814 He's been dead a long time. 199 00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:16,964 So I don't say that's a bring the vibe down. 200 00:09:16,964 --> 00:09:18,734 I say it because this is what happens. 201 00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:21,675 This is what can happen, but it doesn't have to happen. 202 00:09:22,305 --> 00:09:26,594 So probably a very large part of the rest of my life, most of my professional. 203 00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:28,770 Has been trying to fix this problem. 204 00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:29,670 It's weird, right? 205 00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:32,939 Some people go, I wonder why he does this stuff, be because of that. 206 00:09:33,689 --> 00:09:35,640 Because I saw what it was like for somebody to go through 207 00:09:35,939 --> 00:09:39,000 adversity, suffering, setback, and trauma and never recover. 208 00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:40,410 It doesn't have to be that way. 209 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,010 It really doesn't. 210 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:46,480 So what we're gonna do is spend time on how we make sure it doesn't happen to you. 211 00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:50,865 Because I don't know you, I'm not gonna get to know you very well, so we could 212 00:09:51,455 --> 00:09:54,765 probably bring a whole bunch of brilliant psychologists in this room, interview 213 00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:57,855 all of you for a couple of days at a time, and we would be able to probably 214 00:09:57,860 --> 00:10:02,235 graph you in this room of who's had the worst and who's had the best life so far. 215 00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:03,885 But I'm not gonna know that. 216 00:10:05,835 --> 00:10:06,735 Second pillar. 217 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,045 Second pillar. 218 00:10:12,135 --> 00:10:13,605 Why does it seem worse? 219 00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:18,600 This concept of resilience, why are we talking about it so much more now? 220 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,370 Why didn't I go to a seminar like this in year 12? 221 00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,380 Here's what I think may be happening. 222 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:26,969 We are all of us. 223 00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:29,910 What unites us in the room is homo sapien sapiens. 224 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:31,230 Okay? 225 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:32,280 It's what we are. 226 00:10:34,245 --> 00:10:37,695 We have been in this iteration, Think of it this way, Think 227 00:10:37,695 --> 00:10:40,095 of the first ever iPhone. 228 00:10:40,365 --> 00:10:41,385 It was about this big. 229 00:10:41,385 --> 00:10:43,125 It had a wind up handle on the side. 230 00:10:43,395 --> 00:10:45,195 We're now at iPhone 14, right? 231 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:46,380 Just new versions. 232 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:47,160 iPhone coming out. 233 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,100 We are basically iPhone 14. 234 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,680 As a species, we have been a species like this. 235 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,310 Like what? 236 00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,470 The base of your brain is a limbic system. 237 00:10:55,470 --> 00:10:57,780 It's the fight or flight animal brain right here. 238 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,650 Behind the bone at the front of your head is your prefrontal cortex where 239 00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:03,480 you think about complex issues. 240 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:09,300 We have been like this for about 350,000 years, give or take. 241 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:13,680 We have not changed a great deal in that time. 242 00:11:13,685 --> 00:11:14,820 How is this relevant to. 243 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:24,209 Because for I think about 99.9% of those 350,000 years, everybody here 244 00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:25,890 lived almost exactly the same way. 245 00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:28,620 You lived in very small social groupings. 246 00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:32,430 Very rarely more than 200 people, usually somewhere between 10 to 50. 247 00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:33,329 Okay? 248 00:11:33,329 --> 00:11:34,920 You never lived with big groups of people. 249 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:40,260 You never traveled more than about 10 kilometers from where you were born, ever. 250 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:45,540 What you did for work if you were male, was whatever your father did for work. 251 00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:49,350 Whatever you did as a woman was just decided by the group 252 00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:50,490 or tribe that you lived with. 253 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:51,840 All right? 254 00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:55,650 What this means is life had a great deal of predictability. 255 00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,320 Life had a great deal of simplicity. 256 00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,680 Something that I'm calling if you're taking notes and I won't spend too 257 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,630 much time on it, is what I call neural. 258 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,589 Neural is to do with neurology, was to do the function of your brain, 259 00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,810 relatively small neural load. 260 00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:12,870 You woke up each morning and it looked pretty much like it did the 261 00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:17,099 day before, and you knew that tomorrow was pretty much gonna look like today. 262 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,280 The same sorts of people, the same sorts of tasks, the same sorts of 263 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,750 expectations day in and day out. 264 00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:25,890 So here we are here and that's gone. 265 00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:29,729 I reckon it's, I, what I say to people is roundabout here, 18. 266 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,280 1860s, we get the industrial revolution. 267 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,470 Do not be afraid of, You're sitting there going, Is this a history lesson? 268 00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:35,580 No, it's almost finished. 269 00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:40,200 But round about 1860s, massive technological changes. 270 00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,570 We moved into much bigger groupings. 271 00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:46,020 There was vastly greater complexity. 272 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,490 I think that's some of what's happening. 273 00:12:47,490 --> 00:12:51,270 You have been born at a moment where there is enormous complexity and 274 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:56,840 unpredictability in your environment, so your brain is kind of going, I, I'm 275 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,770 not, We haven't caught up as a species. 276 00:12:58,770 --> 00:12:59,670 We have not caught. 277 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,010 To the sheer amount of stuff coming at us. 278 00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:05,490 I think that's driving a significant part of it. 279 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,630 The social groups we once lived in have fractured, so a lot of those 280 00:13:09,630 --> 00:13:12,240 things that held us all together for a long period of time have vanished. 281 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,610 All right, that's part two. 282 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:14,880 Done. 283 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,230 We're gonna, We're on the home stretch now. 284 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:16,860 You're okay. 285 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,020 Do me a favor, turn the person next to you. 286 00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:19,350 Look at them. 287 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,630 Say, I think it's all gonna be okay. 288 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,710 Do that for me please. 289 00:13:27,510 --> 00:13:27,870 Okay. 290 00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:28,920 So what do we got? 291 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:29,700 We got a definit. 292 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:30,810 Which is what? 293 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,170 Your ability to bounce back from rejection, adversity, setback problems. 294 00:13:34,170 --> 00:13:35,220 Why is it more of an issue? 295 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,050 Because of massive social changes? 296 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:37,980 You need to see this. 297 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,560 So when you're under pressure and you're struggling, you can go. 298 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,720 It's not because you're a bad person. 299 00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:46,439 It's not because you're stupid or you're not as good as someone else. 300 00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:48,660 It's because you got born at this moment and we gotta learn how 301 00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:49,830 to manage it cuz we are here. 302 00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:50,970 God doesn't make mistakes. 303 00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:52,050 He's put us here for a reason. 304 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:52,950 What do we do? 305 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,450 So what do we do? 306 00:13:54,570 --> 00:13:55,320 What can we do? 307 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,980 I'm gonna give you two concepts. 308 00:14:00,314 --> 00:14:01,785 And then I'm gonna give you practical stuff to do. 309 00:14:04,665 --> 00:14:06,855 These two concepts are really powerful. 310 00:14:06,855 --> 00:14:11,595 I, I think if you get 'em, they can be really transformative. 311 00:14:11,895 --> 00:14:12,525 First one. 312 00:14:13,665 --> 00:14:16,485 This is a guy called Victor e Frankel. 313 00:14:16,485 --> 00:14:17,444 Anyone heard of Victor Frankel? 314 00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:18,045 Anybody in the room? 315 00:14:18,045 --> 00:14:18,495 We've got a couple. 316 00:14:18,495 --> 00:14:18,765 Good. 317 00:14:20,305 --> 00:14:21,735 Uh, been dead a very long time. 318 00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:23,505 Fascinating. 319 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:27,960 Start of what we call the third V and e School of Psychotherapy. 320 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,370 You've heard of people like Sigmund Freud. 321 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,340 He started the first v and e school of psychotherapy. 322 00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:32,610 Why? 323 00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,100 Cuz they're all from Vienna v nese school psychotherapy. 324 00:14:35,310 --> 00:14:36,540 Second guy was Karl Yung. 325 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:37,650 This is the third guy. 326 00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:40,710 This is the guy who's a brilliant psychotherapist. 327 00:14:41,805 --> 00:14:45,475 , brilliant man, but the backstory is very, very interesting. 328 00:14:45,855 --> 00:14:49,245 He was living the dream, highly respected, highly influential, 329 00:14:49,245 --> 00:14:51,015 doing amazing work on psychotherapy. 330 00:14:51,285 --> 00:14:52,785 Second World War breaks out. 331 00:14:52,845 --> 00:14:54,315 He has a Jewish background. 332 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:58,395 He's arrested by the Nazis with his parents, his sisters, and he's 333 00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:02,925 taken to the Nazi extermination camp of Auschwitz in Poland. 334 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:08,595 Arguably somewhere between six to 10 million people end up in this system of 335 00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:10,795 concentration camps, of which this is the. 336 00:15:12,224 --> 00:15:16,574 Uh, within 24 hours, you are usually gased to death and then put in 337 00:15:16,579 --> 00:15:22,094 a gas oven and burned till your ashes fall down like snowflakes. 338 00:15:23,025 --> 00:15:28,454 So Frankel is sent here along with vast numbers of other, It 339 00:15:28,454 --> 00:15:31,454 wasn't just Jewish people, it was, it was a mix, but predominantly. 340 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:33,765 So why would I show you this? 341 00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:36,704 How is it relevant to you and getting better at resilience? 342 00:15:37,245 --> 00:15:39,814 So here's the important part of Frankel's. 343 00:15:41,115 --> 00:15:45,225 He arrives at Auschwitz and you're basically in one of the most horrific 344 00:15:45,225 --> 00:15:46,755 places in human history, right? 345 00:15:47,445 --> 00:15:50,325 Everything is stripped from you, usually physically. 346 00:15:50,955 --> 00:15:53,865 Uh, you have no power, you have no capacity. 347 00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:55,305 Everything's taken from you. 348 00:15:55,305 --> 00:15:58,365 You're seeing people die in front of you, are separated from family members. 349 00:15:59,115 --> 00:16:02,655 Uh, and then of course you realize that large numbers of the people you love and 350 00:16:02,655 --> 00:16:04,155 care about are probably already dead. 351 00:16:04,245 --> 00:16:06,105 Both his parents were gas to death and his. 352 00:16:08,715 --> 00:16:09,975 , but this is the point. 353 00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:17,475 He manages to survive four years in the extermination camps. 354 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:18,735 Comes out the other side. 355 00:16:18,915 --> 00:16:22,695 10 days later he goes and sits in a little farmhouse and for two weeks 356 00:16:22,695 --> 00:16:24,945 solid, he writes a very important book. 357 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:28,440 Called Man's Search for Meaning. 358 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,990 I really recommend that every one of you reads it in this lifetime. 359 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:35,520 If you go to your grave without having read it, that would be unfortunate. 360 00:16:35,550 --> 00:16:36,790 Man's search for meaning. 361 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:37,470 Here's the point. 362 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:42,960 Frankel teaches us that in Auschwitz, he observed two kinds of people, not three, 363 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,980 not one, two, there were two groups of people who were gonna teach us a lot. 364 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:52,230 He said the first group of people could find absolutely no meaning 365 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,320 or purpose in their suffering. 366 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,200 They just went, There is no meaning, there is no purpose. 367 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,580 There's nothing I can do. 368 00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:01,320 I am completely powerless. 369 00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:04,380 And he said, those people often died within 24 to 48. 370 00:17:05,205 --> 00:17:06,945 He said, they just gave up. 371 00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:10,485 He said people sometimes would sit down in a corner and die. 372 00:17:10,545 --> 00:17:11,115 Of what? 373 00:17:11,175 --> 00:17:11,715 Death. 374 00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:14,475 They were just so psychologically traumatized. 375 00:17:14,475 --> 00:17:18,855 They would sit there and die at least 50 people a day, ran and 376 00:17:18,860 --> 00:17:24,255 threw themselves on the electric fences, 50 people a day rather than 377 00:17:25,065 --> 00:17:26,685 than spend another minute there. 378 00:17:26,685 --> 00:17:27,345 They're just checking out. 379 00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:27,765 We're done. 380 00:17:28,995 --> 00:17:32,715 Two groups of people, but he said there was a second. 381 00:17:34,199 --> 00:17:38,790 and he said that second group of people were able to do one significant thing, 382 00:17:39,149 --> 00:17:40,290 and that's the thing I'm gonna teach you. 383 00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:48,689 He said they developed the ability to find a meaning and a purpose in 384 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:52,409 their situation and their suffering. 385 00:17:53,429 --> 00:17:56,070 Now, all of the, right now, looking at you, somebody going, What does that mean? 386 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,030 That is abstract, right? 387 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:57,629 What is that? 388 00:17:58,830 --> 00:17:59,610 So here's what he did. 389 00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,649 He said to himself, I am. 390 00:18:03,675 --> 00:18:04,575 in this place. 391 00:18:04,575 --> 00:18:07,155 The meaning I am going to tell myself is that I am here in this 392 00:18:07,155 --> 00:18:10,185 place because I am going to survive. 393 00:18:10,695 --> 00:18:15,555 And when I survive, I am gonna spend the rest of my life telling the rest of the 394 00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:19,965 world what happened here and what I have learned, and that single meaning and 395 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:22,395 purpose sustained him for four years. 396 00:18:23,115 --> 00:18:25,365 And also allowed him to go on to do the most phenomenal work. 397 00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:25,785 Stay with me. 398 00:18:25,875 --> 00:18:27,045 Same situation. 399 00:18:27,135 --> 00:18:29,355 You could have Victor and you could have someone else. 400 00:18:29,415 --> 00:18:31,245 They're in exactly the same circumstance. 401 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:32,955 One is finding an empowering meaning. 402 00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:35,595 One is not, one is living, one is dead. 403 00:18:37,485 --> 00:18:40,365 So here's what he wrote, one of the quotes that he wrote in his book, and 404 00:18:40,365 --> 00:18:45,135 I really want you to concentrate now because very important he says, between 405 00:18:45,135 --> 00:18:48,105 stimulus and response, there is a space. 406 00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:54,630 in that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response 407 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:58,110 lies our growth and our freedom. 408 00:18:58,950 --> 00:18:59,490 Look here. 409 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,780 Stimulus and response. 410 00:19:00,780 --> 00:19:01,620 What's stimulus? 411 00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:05,100 Anything that happens to you that is a stimulus. 412 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,020 You are accepted or you are rejected. 413 00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:12,150 You ace a test or you fail a test, you get cut off in traffic 414 00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,530 or you don't get off, cut off in. 415 00:19:14,535 --> 00:19:17,025 Everybody likes you or not many people like you. 416 00:19:17,175 --> 00:19:21,735 That is the stimulus and there is a space between whatever happens to 417 00:19:21,735 --> 00:19:29,145 you and how you respond, and it's usually about that big, and we're 418 00:19:29,145 --> 00:19:30,315 gonna talk about that in a minute. 419 00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:35,715 So this experience of resilience has a great deal to do with what we are telling 420 00:19:35,715 --> 00:19:38,175 ourselves about what happens to us. 421 00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:41,305 So you look at my father's. 422 00:19:41,925 --> 00:19:43,875 He just never had a, he never found a meaning. 423 00:19:43,875 --> 00:19:45,525 He never found a purpose and he never recovered. 424 00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:51,105 So girls, let me help you stimulus in response. 425 00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,895 I, I, These are just general examples, right? 426 00:19:53,895 --> 00:19:59,565 I know you are all different, but this is your peer group 427 00:20:00,945 --> 00:20:02,625 and you experience rejection. 428 00:20:03,045 --> 00:20:04,395 Someone says something does. 429 00:20:06,465 --> 00:20:08,564 post something you can all relate to that. 430 00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,995 Most of the girls in the room, men, I dunno exactly what the same thing 431 00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:13,304 would be probably for men at this age. 432 00:20:13,304 --> 00:20:15,915 It's usually around inadequacy, will be criticized and told or 433 00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,415 inadequate or failed in some way. 434 00:20:17,774 --> 00:20:19,155 Uh, that's just a guess. 435 00:20:20,895 --> 00:20:25,034 Whatever happens, there's this space and whatever you tell yourself in that 436 00:20:25,034 --> 00:20:28,064 space determines what happens here. 437 00:20:29,115 --> 00:20:30,945 Girls, you get something happen to you. 438 00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:33,195 You're like one answer, one, one. 439 00:20:34,125 --> 00:20:35,085 Well, it's cuz I'm ugly. 440 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:36,945 It's because no one likes me. 441 00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:39,015 It's because I don't have the clothes she has. 442 00:20:39,075 --> 00:20:40,155 I don't look like her. 443 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,445 I don't say what she says. 444 00:20:41,595 --> 00:20:44,745 I don't just, I just, That's the story you tell yourself. 445 00:20:44,985 --> 00:20:45,615 Is it true? 446 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:46,005 Hell no. 447 00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:46,455 I don't know. 448 00:20:48,015 --> 00:20:52,965 You can make it true because you can have the same stimulus and you 449 00:20:52,965 --> 00:20:54,045 can have a totally different story. 450 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:54,915 You can just have this story. 451 00:20:54,975 --> 00:20:55,935 It has two words. 452 00:20:56,295 --> 00:20:57,165 Their loss. 453 00:20:58,815 --> 00:21:01,455 Their loss, which story is right. 454 00:21:01,515 --> 00:21:01,815 It's up to. 455 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,350 It's very powerful. 456 00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:09,810 So this gets into areas which we won't touch on today. 457 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,640 I'm happy to stay for questions afterwards, but 458 00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:17,010 people would like to say, Well, does nothing have an objective? 459 00:21:17,010 --> 00:21:17,400 Meaning? 460 00:21:17,430 --> 00:21:21,960 Well, yes it does, but Victor Frankel teaches us that we can live 461 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,290 through the most terrible things, but find a better meaning if we. 462 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,580 And for what it's worth, if I can help you with this, if you ask yourself 463 00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:38,250 the wrong question, your brain will serve you up some terrible answers. 464 00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:42,090 If something happens to you and you say something like, Why 465 00:21:42,090 --> 00:21:43,620 does this always happen to me? 466 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:47,370 If you're not very careful, your brain will say something really unhelpful. 467 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,430 Cuz one of the things I'm here to preach about just towards the end 468 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,430 is I think a large amount of our time, our brain is not on our. 469 00:21:54,990 --> 00:21:57,419 and it took me 30 plus years to figure that part out. 470 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:04,050 So you got a stimulus, you got a response, you got a gap, and you 471 00:22:04,050 --> 00:22:05,340 could say, No, this isn't true. 472 00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:08,129 Take it up with Victor Frankel because he proves at least 473 00:22:08,129 --> 00:22:09,510 that one person figured it was. 474 00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,419 Give you one more example, then we can do the practical stuff. 475 00:22:12,990 --> 00:22:13,949 Are, are you with me? 476 00:22:14,090 --> 00:22:17,340 Are you, are you Think about your own experiences, think about what hurts. 477 00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:20,625 . Think about what you tell yourself. 478 00:22:20,625 --> 00:22:21,705 What's the old saying? 479 00:22:21,705 --> 00:22:22,365 The mantra. 480 00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:26,055 There are no more important words that you will ever hear in your life than 481 00:22:26,060 --> 00:22:29,625 the words you say to yourself about yourself when you are by yourself. 482 00:22:29,745 --> 00:22:30,615 You heard that before. 483 00:22:30,765 --> 00:22:33,405 There are no more important words you'll hear in this life than the words you say 484 00:22:33,405 --> 00:22:39,405 to yourself when you are by yourself about yourself of, because you could get it. 485 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,945 And it wouldn't be your fault because with all the tech, and I 486 00:22:45,945 --> 00:22:47,595 mean, look, you know I get on a sec. 487 00:22:47,595 --> 00:22:47,985 Here we go. 488 00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:50,355 Second quote, this is a lady called Amanda Ripley. 489 00:22:50,595 --> 00:22:53,805 She's American author and journalist, came across her quote yesterday, I 490 00:22:53,805 --> 00:22:56,865 did a podcast on resilience and I just found her a quote and it's great. 491 00:22:57,015 --> 00:22:58,035 I'm gonna read it to you once. 492 00:22:58,305 --> 00:22:59,445 There are three sections to it. 493 00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:01,365 I'll break 'em out really quickly and we'll teach 'em 494 00:23:01,365 --> 00:23:02,325 and then we're almost done. 495 00:23:02,895 --> 00:23:04,335 Resilience is a precious skill. 496 00:23:04,335 --> 00:23:09,075 People who have it tend to also have the underlying advantages of what Here we go. 497 00:23:09,075 --> 00:23:09,405 One. 498 00:23:09,585 --> 00:23:11,625 A belief that they can influence life events. 499 00:23:11,775 --> 00:23:12,225 Two. 500 00:23:12,375 --> 00:23:15,795 A tendency to find meaningful purpose in life's turmoil. 501 00:23:15,915 --> 00:23:16,485 Three. 502 00:23:16,545 --> 00:23:21,015 And a conviction that they can learn from both positive and negative experiences. 503 00:23:21,345 --> 00:23:23,625 Um, let me give 'em to you one by one. 504 00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:24,015 Here they are. 505 00:23:24,045 --> 00:23:24,495 Number one. 506 00:23:24,495 --> 00:23:25,005 You wanna be. 507 00:23:26,010 --> 00:23:30,240 , you have to have a belief that you can do something to influence your life. 508 00:23:30,689 --> 00:23:34,320 If you don't, you are in the realm of 509 00:23:37,590 --> 00:23:43,260 that is a rat , and I'm not making it up when I tell you I cannot draw a 510 00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:46,020 better one than that, shall I Of hands? 511 00:23:46,020 --> 00:23:47,760 Who's heard of the term learned helplessness? 512 00:23:47,790 --> 00:23:48,720 Learned helplessness. 513 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,040 1, 2, 3. 514 00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:50,370 Okay. 515 00:23:50,909 --> 00:23:52,409 Um, learned helplessness. 516 00:23:52,409 --> 00:23:52,860 Grab a seat. 517 00:23:54,150 --> 00:23:57,300 Learned helplessness comes from studies they did on rats years ago. 518 00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:59,610 They put all these rats in cages, two different groups. 519 00:23:59,790 --> 00:24:02,910 One group got electric shocks randomly. 520 00:24:03,390 --> 00:24:04,320 There's nothing they could could do. 521 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,190 They just get a shock here. 522 00:24:05,190 --> 00:24:05,730 Shocked there. 523 00:24:05,735 --> 00:24:06,000 Shocked. 524 00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:07,290 15 seconds, shocked. 525 00:24:07,290 --> 00:24:08,130 12 seconds, shocked. 526 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,410 30 seconds, just randomly shocked. 527 00:24:10,770 --> 00:24:13,950 The other group of rats were able to press a lever that 528 00:24:14,230 --> 00:24:15,570 could stop the shocks happening. 529 00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:19,620 Here's the point, the ones that couldn't do anything. 530 00:24:22,740 --> 00:24:26,040 They did all these brain scans and tests on all sorts of hormone 531 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:29,490 levels in the rats, and the ones that couldn't do anything to change 532 00:24:29,490 --> 00:24:31,080 their circumstance just died. 533 00:24:31,860 --> 00:24:33,389 It's called learned helplessness. 534 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,540 It's when a dog curls up in a ball to protect itself cuz it's being 535 00:24:36,540 --> 00:24:38,159 attacked and it can't do anything else. 536 00:24:38,580 --> 00:24:41,639 So you do not want be in learn helpless. 537 00:24:42,510 --> 00:24:44,550 You always want to be in a place that goes, no matter what 538 00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:45,690 happens, I can influence this. 539 00:24:45,690 --> 00:24:49,470 Even if you cannot change the circumstance, you can change the story 540 00:24:49,470 --> 00:24:53,639 you are telling yourself about the circumstance, and some of you all say, 541 00:24:53,639 --> 00:24:54,810 but you're just changing the story. 542 00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:55,620 That's not real. 543 00:24:56,310 --> 00:24:57,600 Judge it by its outcomes. 544 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,120 Friends, judge it by whatever you wanna know how to, how to judge it. 545 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,510 Judge it by whatever helps you to grow, Judge a boy of helps you to become 546 00:25:03,629 --> 00:25:07,050 more whole and to contribute more and to enjoy the journey of life more. 547 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,180 Judge it by that second. 548 00:25:10,575 --> 00:25:13,845 a tendency to find meaningful purpose in life's turmoil. 549 00:25:14,985 --> 00:25:16,815 Some of you have been through difficult things. 550 00:25:16,815 --> 00:25:17,865 Find a meaning. 551 00:25:18,525 --> 00:25:21,975 If you've been through a difficult life, here's one meaning you 552 00:25:21,975 --> 00:25:25,695 deserved it, you're gonna repeat it. 553 00:25:26,685 --> 00:25:28,365 There's nothing you can do to change it. 554 00:25:29,205 --> 00:25:32,805 Different meaning this means I am stronger than people who 555 00:25:32,805 --> 00:25:34,305 have not lived through this. 556 00:25:35,385 --> 00:25:38,655 This means that I will never repeat these things in my own. 557 00:25:39,990 --> 00:25:43,920 Same situation, different meaning a conviction that you can learn from 558 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,570 both positive and negative experiences. 559 00:25:45,570 --> 00:25:48,210 Example, you get a brilliant mark on a test. 560 00:25:48,215 --> 00:25:50,460 Arabella, that's a positive experience. 561 00:25:50,910 --> 00:25:51,540 Learn from it. 562 00:25:51,570 --> 00:25:52,380 Get it again. 563 00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:53,040 Do better. 564 00:25:53,070 --> 00:25:54,210 Get 5% more. 565 00:25:54,570 --> 00:25:56,190 Arabella, you fail a test. 566 00:25:57,225 --> 00:25:59,865 and it's terrible and you just got a D for the semester. 567 00:26:00,315 --> 00:26:03,495 You can either go, you failed because you're dumb and you don't do enough work. 568 00:26:03,525 --> 00:26:06,255 Or you can go, I failed and I'm gonna improve. 569 00:26:06,405 --> 00:26:07,275 I'm gonna work harder. 570 00:26:07,305 --> 00:26:08,685 I'm gonna learn the lesson from that. 571 00:26:08,685 --> 00:26:13,275 So the ability to go through the highs and the lows and take something from both. 572 00:26:13,425 --> 00:26:16,185 So how do we actually become more resilient? 573 00:26:16,190 --> 00:26:16,845 What have I just done? 574 00:26:16,845 --> 00:26:18,765 I've given you two theoretical frameworks, right? 575 00:26:19,455 --> 00:26:21,105 Man, Search for Leaning and Amanda Ripley. 576 00:26:21,105 --> 00:26:23,925 I've given you two conceptual things about the stories that you tell yourself. 577 00:26:24,405 --> 00:26:25,545 What do we do practic? 578 00:26:26,790 --> 00:26:27,449 All right, here we go. 579 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,070 How do you become more resilient? 580 00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:30,780 Uh, question please. 581 00:26:31,199 --> 00:26:32,699 Caleb, you look trustworthy. 582 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:33,959 You ready? 583 00:26:34,379 --> 00:26:34,870 Yeah. 584 00:26:35,129 --> 00:26:36,870 How do you become a better runner? 585 00:26:38,159 --> 00:26:39,419 By running good, man. 586 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:40,980 How do you become a better runner? 587 00:26:41,010 --> 00:26:41,370 Brilliant. 588 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:46,260 You run more two and a half thousand years ago in the ancient world, the 589 00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:49,649 Greeks, which is kind of my post-graduate background, the Greeks were interested 590 00:26:49,649 --> 00:26:50,939 in a really important question. 591 00:26:50,939 --> 00:26:52,500 Please let me make this relevant for you. 592 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:53,399 It's very important. 593 00:26:53,399 --> 00:26:53,970 It is not ab. 594 00:26:55,350 --> 00:26:59,640 . The Greeks wanted to know, were awesome people born that way, 595 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:00,840 or did they become that way? 596 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,640 Now you might think, Well, why is that a big question? 597 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:03,960 It was a very big question for them. 598 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:05,010 They were very interested in it. 599 00:27:05,460 --> 00:27:07,800 They wanted to know, were people just genetically born that way? 600 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,260 Were you just born resilient, more resilient than me? 601 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,030 Do you become more resilient than me? 602 00:27:12,210 --> 00:27:12,780 Who knows? 603 00:27:12,785 --> 00:27:13,740 The Greeks wanted to know. 604 00:27:14,430 --> 00:27:17,280 So Aristotle, one of the greatest of the Greek philosophers, was 605 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,150 asked this really important question, which was just this Aris. 606 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,919 . How does the courageous person become courageous? 607 00:27:27,030 --> 00:27:29,159 Because they were, They loved courage, they loved virtue. 608 00:27:29,159 --> 00:27:33,120 They wanted to know are our great courageous histories of Greek tragedy 609 00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:37,500 and history, Are they just courageous cuz they were born under a courageous star? 610 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:39,929 Or did they do something? 611 00:27:41,189 --> 00:27:42,840 And Aristotle fam hear the question again? 612 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,179 Aristotle, How to courageous people become courageous? 613 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,790 And he said something really important that you need to hear. 614 00:27:47,790 --> 00:27:49,139 Two and a half thousand years later, he. 615 00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:56,775 They do courageous things. 616 00:27:58,335 --> 00:27:59,685 Simple life principle. 617 00:27:59,685 --> 00:27:59,925 Ready? 618 00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:00,315 Here it is. 619 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,955 If you're taking notes, I'm gonna save you a whole bunch of time in your life. 620 00:28:02,955 --> 00:28:04,245 You should say thank you on the way out. 621 00:28:04,245 --> 00:28:04,725 Here it comes. 622 00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:09,705 Ready . You will become what you do. 623 00:28:13,195 --> 00:28:13,885 Madeline. 624 00:28:14,315 --> 00:28:15,405 Madeline was made. 625 00:28:15,870 --> 00:28:16,440 I was talking about. 626 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,070 Yeah, it is you. 627 00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:17,550 Okay. 628 00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:21,180 I want you to imagine you have a friend and she lies all the time. 629 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,879 She just lies all the time, nonstop. 630 00:28:23,885 --> 00:28:26,280 Every time you discuss anything, you do, anything. 631 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:26,940 You experience anything. 632 00:28:26,945 --> 00:28:27,540 She lies. 633 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:29,400 What would you describe her as? 634 00:28:30,060 --> 00:28:30,510 A liar. 635 00:28:30,580 --> 00:28:31,030 A liar. 636 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,360 So Madeline be, you'd introduce her. 637 00:28:33,510 --> 00:28:34,500 Let's call her. 638 00:28:34,830 --> 00:28:37,080 Um, gimme a name of girl's. 639 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:37,680 Obsess with L. 640 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:38,400 Somebody please. 641 00:28:38,740 --> 00:28:39,750 Lily Lilly. 642 00:28:40,290 --> 00:28:40,980 Madeline would go. 643 00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:42,540 This is my friend Lilly. 644 00:28:42,660 --> 00:28:43,110 Lilly. 645 00:28:43,910 --> 00:28:47,220 Lie because Lilly lies friends. 646 00:28:47,310 --> 00:28:53,040 If you want to become more resilient, do resilient things. 647 00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,990 If you want to become holier, do holy things. 648 00:28:57,990 --> 00:29:00,750 If you want to become more trustworthy, do trustworthy things. 649 00:29:00,900 --> 00:29:04,320 If you wanna become a faster runner, do more running, and you 650 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:05,190 are sitting there going, That's it. 651 00:29:05,190 --> 00:29:05,820 That's all you got. 652 00:29:05,850 --> 00:29:06,690 Yes. 653 00:29:07,155 --> 00:29:08,775 Because no one's getting it these days. 654 00:29:08,775 --> 00:29:10,635 It's like, do those things, do resilient things? 655 00:29:10,635 --> 00:29:11,835 Let's talk about the resilient things. 656 00:29:11,955 --> 00:29:17,115 In seven minutes, in six minutes and 50 seconds, I'm gonna give you a list 657 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:18,045 of things that I think will help you. 658 00:29:18,050 --> 00:29:21,615 Things that I do, things that I do to become more resilient. 659 00:29:22,785 --> 00:29:29,355 Number one, do hard things. 660 00:29:29,775 --> 00:29:32,775 I am not your judge, but you got born in a moment in history 661 00:29:32,775 --> 00:29:33,975 that loves a couple of things. 662 00:29:34,155 --> 00:29:35,325 Comfort and con. 663 00:29:36,449 --> 00:29:38,040 Comfort and consumption. 664 00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:42,030 Uber Eats from Uber Eats to Netflix, friends, the entire system. 665 00:29:42,209 --> 00:29:46,090 We talked before about, you know, the, the mainstream media running on fear. 666 00:29:46,679 --> 00:29:48,689 We are in what's called late stage capitalism. 667 00:29:48,689 --> 00:29:50,550 This system runs on consumption. 668 00:29:50,550 --> 00:29:53,340 Well, it runs on debt, but the debt drives consumption. 669 00:29:53,730 --> 00:29:56,760 Now, the you please see it, it's like me. 670 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,669 You ever seen who's seen the old Wizard of Oz, the original 671 00:29:59,669 --> 00:30:01,110 movie with the Scary Witch? 672 00:30:01,110 --> 00:30:02,100 How scary is she? 673 00:30:02,219 --> 00:30:02,639 You've seen her. 674 00:30:02,645 --> 00:30:03,959 The green one messed with me. 675 00:30:03,965 --> 00:30:04,800 Still messes with me. 676 00:30:04,949 --> 00:30:05,340 Seriously. 677 00:30:05,344 --> 00:30:06,480 I can't be on my own sometimes. 678 00:30:06,780 --> 00:30:10,770 Um, the end scene where they pull the curtain back and the wizard's there 679 00:30:10,770 --> 00:30:11,669 and you see 'em pulling all the. 680 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,880 That is what we are in is called late stage capitalism, 681 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:16,980 which is simply, um, consume. 682 00:30:17,010 --> 00:30:20,760 We need you to consume, consume, consume, consume, and your comfort is the priority. 683 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:22,740 There's a reason the iPhone's called the iPhone. 684 00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:24,330 It's about comfort and consumption. 685 00:30:24,335 --> 00:30:25,020 It's not your fault. 686 00:30:25,050 --> 00:30:25,740 You didn't choose it. 687 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:27,030 You just got born at this time. 688 00:30:28,110 --> 00:30:32,250 Friends, this is not a culture that constantly says to you, deny yourself, 689 00:30:32,310 --> 00:30:36,450 do difficult things, do hard, possibly painful, challenging, difficult things. 690 00:30:36,450 --> 00:30:37,350 You don't hear that very. 691 00:30:39,765 --> 00:30:41,805 So do hard things. 692 00:30:42,315 --> 00:30:43,185 What does that look like for you? 693 00:30:43,185 --> 00:30:43,665 I don't know. 694 00:30:43,695 --> 00:30:45,465 It's gonna be diff few cashier from anyone else. 695 00:30:45,465 --> 00:30:46,365 It'll be different for you. 696 00:30:46,995 --> 00:30:48,555 You've got you's not even typed. 697 00:30:48,555 --> 00:30:49,395 I can't even read that. 698 00:30:49,395 --> 00:30:50,265 No Miam. 699 00:30:50,625 --> 00:30:51,735 Is it gonna be different for Miriam? 700 00:30:51,735 --> 00:30:52,125 Miriam's? 701 00:30:52,130 --> 00:30:53,205 Hard things will be different than cashiers. 702 00:30:53,205 --> 00:30:53,925 Be different to Olivia's. 703 00:30:53,930 --> 00:30:54,765 Different to Tommy's. 704 00:30:56,605 --> 00:30:59,205 You've gotta start doing hard things because hard things 705 00:30:59,205 --> 00:31:00,675 will teach you to endure. 706 00:31:00,825 --> 00:31:02,745 Remember back at the start when things are difficult. 707 00:31:02,745 --> 00:31:04,245 This is one of my favorite humans on the planet. 708 00:31:04,275 --> 00:31:04,605 This. 709 00:31:06,165 --> 00:31:08,895 The guy they call the hardest man alive. 710 00:31:09,465 --> 00:31:12,465 This is the one and only David Goggins. 711 00:31:13,455 --> 00:31:16,335 Long story short, brutal background. 712 00:31:16,335 --> 00:31:18,794 His father was into unspeakable things. 713 00:31:19,185 --> 00:31:22,845 He got guns pulled on him as a kid, just the worst you could possibly imagine. 714 00:31:23,145 --> 00:31:24,254 Hated himself. 715 00:31:24,435 --> 00:31:27,735 Ended up, um, 150 kilos. 716 00:31:28,305 --> 00:31:30,465 That's what he weighed, massively overweight. 717 00:31:30,465 --> 00:31:31,905 And his job was a cockroach. 718 00:31:33,314 --> 00:31:36,105 He got a job spraying cockroaches, restaurants after hours. 719 00:31:36,764 --> 00:31:38,415 His book, his Life story. 720 00:31:38,595 --> 00:31:41,625 He just happened to one day watch this video about the Navy and just went, 721 00:31:43,635 --> 00:31:48,375 He went on to join the US Navy Seals and just had this phenomenal career. 722 00:31:48,375 --> 00:31:50,324 And if you can find him on YouTube, he's just phenomenal. 723 00:31:50,330 --> 00:31:55,125 He's just, he's just into hard things, just do tons and tons of hard things. 724 00:31:56,534 --> 00:32:00,435 So, you know, here's the US Navy Seals training. 725 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:04,140 This water is absolutely freezing. 726 00:32:04,140 --> 00:32:08,550 They do a six weeks course called Buds, and all they're trying to do is just 727 00:32:08,550 --> 00:32:14,340 weed out the ones here because they know when you watch the documentaries, 728 00:32:14,370 --> 00:32:15,600 all of these guys are super fit. 729 00:32:15,630 --> 00:32:17,010 All of these guys are super athletic. 730 00:32:17,015 --> 00:32:19,860 All of these guys are really great athletes their whole lives, but they 731 00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:21,270 drop and you watch the documentaries. 732 00:32:21,270 --> 00:32:23,760 They have to ring this bell when they quit and they're ringing it and they're 733 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:24,780 ringing it, and they're ringing it. 734 00:32:24,810 --> 00:32:25,230 Why? 735 00:32:25,410 --> 00:32:26,730 It's not fitness. 736 00:32:26,730 --> 00:32:26,970 It's. 737 00:32:28,125 --> 00:32:32,895 , the story between the stimulus and the response is here and they give up. 738 00:32:33,495 --> 00:32:36,615 So you gotta start doing hard things. 739 00:32:37,065 --> 00:32:38,145 Do you have to join the Navy Seals? 740 00:32:38,145 --> 00:32:38,475 No. 741 00:32:38,895 --> 00:32:40,395 Maybe it means you do the dishes more often. 742 00:32:40,545 --> 00:32:42,075 Maybe it means you do a little bit extra study. 743 00:32:42,255 --> 00:32:44,085 Maybe it means you help somebody when you don't down. 744 00:32:44,090 --> 00:32:44,865 Well feel like it. 745 00:32:44,865 --> 00:32:46,785 Maybe it means that you say no to something you've been 746 00:32:46,785 --> 00:32:48,255 saying yes to for way too long. 747 00:32:48,465 --> 00:32:49,515 Maybe it means you get fitter. 748 00:32:49,515 --> 00:32:50,505 Maybe it means you eat better. 749 00:32:50,505 --> 00:32:51,885 Maybe it means you work harder. 750 00:32:53,265 --> 00:32:54,315 Take one thing away from this. 751 00:32:54,315 --> 00:32:54,885 Do hard things. 752 00:32:55,785 --> 00:32:57,195 So I run ultra marathons. 753 00:32:57,405 --> 00:32:59,415 I do about 400 k a week on the bike. 754 00:32:59,625 --> 00:33:00,915 Um, I'm in the gym every day. 755 00:33:00,915 --> 00:33:01,485 Let's be honest. 756 00:33:01,485 --> 00:33:02,985 You can't look this good without working at it. 757 00:33:03,705 --> 00:33:06,105 Thank you for that weird pause of silence, 758 00:33:06,405 --> 00:33:09,855 Um, next one, I could, I've got a couple minutes. 759 00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:13,065 I've gotta finish, catch the internal dialogue over here. 760 00:33:13,795 --> 00:33:15,675 There is a voice in your head. 761 00:33:15,885 --> 00:33:16,575 We all have it. 762 00:33:16,725 --> 00:33:17,985 Most of the time it's not helpful. 763 00:33:17,990 --> 00:33:20,865 Mine has been particularly toxic over my much of my life, and I've 764 00:33:20,865 --> 00:33:22,395 had to work incredibly hard at it. 765 00:33:23,370 --> 00:33:24,530 You wanna be more resilient. 766 00:33:24,530 --> 00:33:26,940 You have to listen constantly to the eternal dialogue because 767 00:33:26,940 --> 00:33:28,379 it's mostly not on your side. 768 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,660 Some of you'll have come from great families and you'll be a 769 00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:33,540 little bit better than some of the rest of us, but start to listen. 770 00:33:33,540 --> 00:33:37,590 You will hear it saying things like, It's because you're this, It's because of that. 771 00:33:37,710 --> 00:33:40,410 Or you will never, Whenever you hear, you will never, You cannot. 772 00:33:40,530 --> 00:33:41,370 You did it again. 773 00:33:41,490 --> 00:33:47,370 Whenever you hear accusation, wherever you hear this critical voice in this 774 00:33:47,375 --> 00:33:50,639 space, start noticing it and criti. 775 00:33:51,330 --> 00:33:53,909 For the girls, when the voice says, You are not like this. 776 00:33:53,909 --> 00:33:55,199 You don't look like that, you don't. 777 00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:56,280 You should be more like this. 778 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,459 If only you were like that, just go, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 779 00:33:59,459 --> 00:34:00,060 Not helping. 780 00:34:01,889 --> 00:34:02,639 Push back. 781 00:34:02,850 --> 00:34:03,570 Get really good at it. 782 00:34:03,574 --> 00:34:03,840 Just go. 783 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:04,050 Yeah. 784 00:34:04,050 --> 00:34:04,350 Nah. 785 00:34:05,820 --> 00:34:08,429 All of us have gotta get good at finding this internal dialogue. 786 00:34:08,435 --> 00:34:09,179 Stopping at no. 787 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,040 Uh, for what it's worth, I won't spend too long on this cuz you're not gonna like it. 788 00:34:15,270 --> 00:34:16,230 I think this is true. 789 00:34:16,620 --> 00:34:19,080 Um, I'm not gonna tell you to stop cuz you wouldn't anyway. 790 00:34:19,230 --> 00:34:21,630 Look, basically the best I can tell from social media, I had big 791 00:34:21,630 --> 00:34:22,890 followings about five years ago. 792 00:34:22,890 --> 00:34:24,390 Deleted every account, everything. 793 00:34:25,020 --> 00:34:27,060 Thousands and thousands and thousands of followers deleted the lot. 794 00:34:27,060 --> 00:34:28,260 The only thing now I have is YouTube. 795 00:34:29,130 --> 00:34:34,440 Um, I, you're not gonna stop, but I'll just say to you, especially for the girls, 796 00:34:34,470 --> 00:34:38,190 it's like, let's invent something that is just what I call a comparison engine. 797 00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:39,300 It's just a comparison engine. 798 00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:42,000 It's like, I'm gonna use this thing so I can constantly remind. 799 00:34:43,380 --> 00:34:44,699 , why I might feel inadequate. 800 00:34:44,759 --> 00:34:50,310 That's just my opinion, but I'm a dad now, so , I, I, I'm just really disciplined. 801 00:34:50,460 --> 00:34:52,529 I, I've taken almost everything off my phone. 802 00:34:52,620 --> 00:34:54,179 No even email apps anymore. 803 00:34:54,870 --> 00:34:58,170 I just think that if you want to get more resilient, the studies are pretty 804 00:34:58,170 --> 00:35:02,250 clear, particularly for girls that you've gotta just ease up on this one. 805 00:35:02,970 --> 00:35:03,270 Okay? 806 00:35:03,270 --> 00:35:05,490 I know you can't stop, but just ease up because it can make a 807 00:35:05,490 --> 00:35:06,690 big difference in resilience. 808 00:35:07,830 --> 00:35:09,540 Personal favorite, Get around good people. 809 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:10,500 You wanna be more resilient. 810 00:35:10,500 --> 00:35:11,420 Get around resilient. 811 00:35:11,955 --> 00:35:14,115 How do, what do courageous people do tend to spend a lot of 812 00:35:14,115 --> 00:35:15,314 time around courageous people. 813 00:35:15,915 --> 00:35:18,285 What our athletes do, spend a lot of time around athletes. 814 00:35:18,464 --> 00:35:20,384 What a resilient, mentally healthy people do. 815 00:35:20,685 --> 00:35:23,984 Try to spend a lot of time around people that, that are doing 816 00:35:24,435 --> 00:35:28,575 interesting things that are, that are pleasant and kind and generous. 817 00:35:29,024 --> 00:35:30,794 Please do not accept toxic friends. 818 00:35:30,794 --> 00:35:31,845 Just don't life short. 819 00:35:31,964 --> 00:35:33,105 7 billion people on the planet. 820 00:35:33,105 --> 00:35:33,884 There's plenty more out there. 821 00:35:34,395 --> 00:35:34,785 Okay? 822 00:35:35,265 --> 00:35:38,955 If you got people ruining your life, just yeah, just don't be rude. 823 00:35:38,955 --> 00:35:39,645 Don't be aggressive. 824 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,200 I talk about time allocation, just allocate less time, just 825 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:44,310 begin to allocate less time. 826 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,400 There's some amazing people on the planet get around them. 827 00:35:48,090 --> 00:35:49,200 Seven seconds. 828 00:35:50,220 --> 00:35:56,370 Um, summary resilience means to bounce back from the adversities of 829 00:35:56,370 --> 00:35:59,370 life, and I don't think it's just about getting back to this shape. 830 00:35:59,370 --> 00:36:01,380 I think real resilience has gone beyond the shape. 831 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:07,170 Real resilience is taking the hits and coming back even stronger, coming back. 832 00:36:08,490 --> 00:36:12,570 . There's a reason that Jesus, when he comes back from, uh, the resurrection, 833 00:36:12,870 --> 00:36:13,980 the wounds are still there. 834 00:36:14,190 --> 00:36:15,960 That's a really important detail. 835 00:36:16,050 --> 00:36:17,340 It's a resurrected body. 836 00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:18,150 He's Jesus. 837 00:36:18,150 --> 00:36:19,620 Why come back with the wounds? 838 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:22,740 Because the wounds were glorified. 839 00:36:24,090 --> 00:36:26,520 The wounds were elevated into something else. 840 00:36:26,525 --> 00:36:27,630 The wounds still mattered. 841 00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:32,220 So as you go through the wounds, you'll, you can come back stronger. 842 00:36:33,450 --> 00:36:34,530 Last thing is to. 843 00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:40,905 To remind yourself of this, whether you wanna photograph it, you can always 844 00:36:40,905 --> 00:36:45,795 choose no matter what you lose, no matter how much you get hurt, no matter how 845 00:36:45,795 --> 00:36:51,615 much loss, betrayal, failure, rejection, you experience, you can always choose. 846 00:36:51,795 --> 00:36:54,825 And I promise your friends a very small number of people. 847 00:36:55,980 --> 00:36:58,500 , as much as it's a consumption society, it's a victim society. 848 00:36:58,500 --> 00:36:59,850 Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, blame. 849 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,700 And when I teach people, I work with executives and we're talking about blame. 850 00:37:02,730 --> 00:37:03,660 And it's blame and blame. 851 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,380 If you ever tell me a story of blame, if we ever have a conversation and 852 00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:10,200 you tell me about why you feel the way you do because somebody did 853 00:37:10,205 --> 00:37:12,030 something to you, I'll do two things. 854 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:14,490 I will listen to you compassionately. 855 00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:18,180 I will listen to every detail of what happened to you and why you feel the way 856 00:37:18,180 --> 00:37:20,190 you do about what somebody did to you. 857 00:37:20,370 --> 00:37:23,700 And then I'm gonna say three words. 858 00:37:24,315 --> 00:37:27,645 And now what? 859 00:37:28,935 --> 00:37:31,575 Because if you're living your life, blaming somebody for the, I'm not 860 00:37:31,580 --> 00:37:34,065 saying you don't deal with difficult issues of abuse, all that sort of stuff. 861 00:37:34,065 --> 00:37:35,205 Of course you've gotta address that. 862 00:37:35,210 --> 00:37:35,955 I, I get that. 863 00:37:36,255 --> 00:37:39,135 But at some point in life, there comes a time where we have to go. 864 00:37:39,945 --> 00:37:40,485 And now what? 865 00:37:41,835 --> 00:37:43,125 You can't hold onto that story forever. 866 00:37:43,665 --> 00:37:45,135 Eventually we have to move through. 867 00:37:45,765 --> 00:37:49,305 Uh, last one, I'm never outta the fight comes from that Navy Seals. 868 00:37:50,940 --> 00:37:54,690 . The Navy Seals have this beautiful saying, I really like it when Karen and 869 00:37:54,690 --> 00:37:56,160 Olivia went to Sydney over the weekend. 870 00:37:56,250 --> 00:37:57,240 We're almost done for time. 871 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:58,950 Aiden and I were at home on our own. 872 00:37:58,950 --> 00:37:59,609 We did two things. 873 00:37:59,609 --> 00:38:03,750 We ate steak for three meals a day and we watched war movies and I was watching 874 00:38:03,750 --> 00:38:05,670 Lone Survivor with him the other day. 875 00:38:05,674 --> 00:38:10,049 Four um, four US Navy seals get ambushed. 876 00:38:10,230 --> 00:38:12,750 There's two left towards the end and one of them famously. 877 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:15,270 We're never out of the fight. 878 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,370 And it's a real mantra for these special forces guys. 879 00:38:17,370 --> 00:38:19,590 They're like, no matter what happens, no matter how much attack, no 880 00:38:19,590 --> 00:38:22,680 matter how much, how desperate it looks, we're never out of the fight. 881 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,800 So I want each one of you today to take away this, photograph it, write it down. 882 00:38:26,070 --> 00:38:28,770 No matter what happens to you, you can always choose. 883 00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:35,130 Cuz Frankel chose, you can always choose and you, you'll never out of the fight. 884 00:38:36,180 --> 00:38:37,650 Hey there, Jonathan, with you again. 885 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,260 I really do hope you got a lot out of that presentation. 886 00:38:40,890 --> 00:38:45,360 The gap between stimulus and response, that's the magic, you know, and this, 887 00:38:45,570 --> 00:38:49,860 this whole idea about how we talk to ourselves, how we explain to ourselves 888 00:38:50,250 --> 00:38:53,430 what's actually happening in the circumstances that we face in life. 889 00:38:53,430 --> 00:38:55,820 By the way, please make sure you have subscribed. 890 00:38:56,105 --> 00:38:59,345 If you're watching this on YouTube or Rumble or somewhere, hit subscribe 891 00:38:59,645 --> 00:39:02,825 because I'm putting out content like this on a regular basis and I'd love 892 00:39:02,825 --> 00:39:05,495 to keep sharing it with you or of the, of you're hearing the podcast 893 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:07,565 version, hit that link as well. 894 00:39:07,625 --> 00:39:11,975 Now, if you'd like me to come and do this presentation or similar content 895 00:39:11,975 --> 00:39:13,745 live, there's a link under here. 896 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,720 To book me to speak live. 897 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:17,070 I want you to go check that link out. 898 00:39:17,075 --> 00:39:20,310 We can just, uh, have a conversation about how we can start to bring some 899 00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:23,490 of these principles to your school, to your students, to your business. 900 00:39:23,550 --> 00:39:24,900 I'd love to come and do this live. 901 00:39:24,900 --> 00:39:25,920 Nothing makes me happy. 902 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,550 Have them being honest stage in a room of people who want to change 903 00:39:29,550 --> 00:39:32,755 and want to grow, cuz that's, Pretty much what I'm still trying to do 904 00:39:32,755 --> 00:39:34,465 in life, and I know you are too. 905 00:39:34,795 --> 00:39:35,515 All right, that's it. 906 00:39:35,605 --> 00:39:36,835 Go check out those links. 907 00:39:36,835 --> 00:39:39,955 You and I are gonna be in touch again really soon, but I really do appreciate 908 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,995 the fact that you stayed to the end. 909 00:39:42,025 --> 00:39:44,665 Um, I just love doing this stuff and I hope it's a blessing to you. 910 00:39:44,875 --> 00:39:46,285 Hopefully I get to see you live. 911 00:39:46,315 --> 00:39:47,575 My name's Jonathan Doyle. 912 00:39:48,205 --> 00:39:50,155 You and I we're gonna talk again real soon.