Alexia (00:00.162)

Hello, my love. It's so good to have you here on the podcast. Welcome, Zunaid. Thank you, Alexia. It's a pleasure to be here. Super grateful and excited to share more about our love story. So just to paint a picture of our ambiance, we are currently cozied up on our comfy couch and we have our sweet little Bubbles, our new puppy who's just sitting on my lap currently playing, teething, doing all the silly things that Bubbles likes to do.

And we actually this week have been celebrating our anniversary, our two year wedding anniversary. And so it's been a very special time, which is why this conversation feels really special to have now. Our intention for this episode is I really feel called with this podcast, not to just bring you incredible pioneers thought leaders on important topics, but also to create some behind the scenes conversations. Our intention is just to share the.

the raw, the real truth with you of what it takes in our day-to-day life to create our partnership. know, something that Z and I have spoken about a lot over the years is so much of what cultivates our partnership is intention. It's a commitment day in, day out to each other, to ourselves, and to living as our most elevated versions of ourselves for each other and for our future vision. So Z, with that, we always love to start any guest interview with a fun ritual. No surprising.

thing here, it's with the Gene Keys. So I'm just gonna give a quick little gist so for anyone listening, they can have a feel into like a little extra depth of your soul. So if you haven't listened to the Gene Keys episode, which was episode number four, that's what you can listen to to get a little bit more context on what I'm gonna share right now about Z. But Z's Gene Key for his life's work is Gene Key 53, which goes from the shadow of immaturity to the gift of expansion to the city.

of super abundance and the elevated self archetype that I've channeled for this gene key is the visionary catalyst. And so as you're listening, it's gonna be really fun for you to notice something that really is true to Z's way of operating in the world and how he leads himself and in our relationship is he's here to be a powerhouse initiator. He's always initiating innovative ideas. He's always coming up with a positive way to think about the future and

Alexia (02:20.621)

Yeah, also for any human design lovers, he's also a manifestor. So you can just imagine there are always new insightful ideas coming into our household on a daily basis. So, Zee, how do you resonate with the visionary catalyst? yeah, 100%. I think that being a visionary catalyst defines me really well. And I am always coming up with new ideas, always thinking about ways in which we can solve

the problems in this world, there's so many problems to solve in this world currently. And I think that with a positive human spirit, anything's possible. And I love it because you and I honor both our uniqueness and we also honor where we have a lot of shared values and overlap. And so it's always fun. We always love the Genki's as a fun language that we share amongst each other. And I think maybe we'll have to do a Genki's episode at some point just to share how we actually bring it forward in our partnership.

The big question, I just wanna get right on into it, the big question that when I polled my community and asked, what do you wanna know about, know, if Z and I pull the curtain back on our partnership, what are the insights you would like to know? And a huge request was our love story. How we met, you know, I think for context for anyone that doesn't know as much about Z and I, you I'm from California, Z's from South Africa. So you can imagine there's a lot that goes into these two people.

that are in many ways from opposite sides of the world. So I'll just start at here, Zee, and then pass the ball to you. So a California girl and a South African guy walk into a bar called Blondies in San Francisco. And that evening was the 26th of August, 2017. I remember that night so vividly because it was the first time I was out in San Francisco and I was out with an international group of friends. We were all part of this class or course at UC Berkeley.

And the group I was out with that night happened to be mainly North African, people from North Africa and people from France. And they just were out to have a good time. So was I. And I was just very interested and enamored by San Francisco. And we were out in the Mission district. We were at a bar, as you say, called Blondies. And my friend walked over to me after dancing on the dance floor for a while in Blondies.

Alexia (04:41.911)

and said, wow, I just met a lovely lady, you should definitely go speak to her. And then I looked over across the dance floor and we locked eyes. And that was sort of much to my surprise because I wasn't out looking for love at the time. And there I was, curious to find out more about this wonderful lady that I had seen across the dance floor, this beautiful being.

and this curiosity was insatiable so I had to go over and introduce myself to you. And I remember saying something like, well I've travelled across from South Africa just to come say hi to you at this bar on this fateful night. And you were so witty and so much fun, so sharp. I just remember there being this intellectual spark between us which as a sapiosexual was

So interesting and there were so many depths to our conversation, different colors, different shades. And we just had a lovely conversation that first night. Alexia, we had a conversation for about an hour and it was just sort being locked in this vortex of us trying to get to know each other as much as possible with this limited amount of time. And then I ultimately...

got your number and was able to call you a couple nights after we met. It's always so fun for me to hear and just be taken back to that night because if there's anything for anyone listening I would love to pass on is our story is such an example of divine timing, the power of serendipity and synchronicity, like this deep sense of trust that if you're meant to meet someone, like even...

It makes no sense that you and I met from these two sides of the world. I don't even go to bars usually. I sure as heck don't usually go and talk to people at bars. You can ask my sister who got me to go out that night. She was like, Lex is talking to someone on the dance floor? That's so weird. But there was such a soul connection. All I remember is when I saw you across the dance floor, I can literally immediately, this is over seven years ago, I can immediately flash back to that moment.

Alexia (07:01.453)

because there was something that felt more like a remembrance. There was something about you that I felt like I knew you. You know, and I knew that we had never met. I knew that this was the first time I was actually meeting you, but I felt like I knew you. There was such a spark. There was such a zest. I loved that you could handle my wit and you could give it right back to me. You know, we were just, we were touting poetry on the dance floor. Guys, if you can imagine, right, we're on the middle of a full on dance floor and we're having a full on chat, talk about vortexing vibes. And yet I remember,

that similar to you, realized how much not only did I feel like we had, I'd always heard people talk about love at first sight. I'd never at that time really deeply experienced that. I felt like that night, not only did I experience love at first sight, but I think even more than that, I felt love at first conversation. Like I just fell in love so fast. don't even want, I mean, at that time we want to say I fell in love, but there was such a knowing in that moment that I was so drawn by not just who you are, your presence, our natural chemistry physically was there, but it was also

wow, this person has a mind and a way of thinking that I'm really inspired and elevated by and I wanted to get to know you more. So like he said, then he definitely kept me hanging. Definitely. So I had not been really in the gate. So I'll give a little context on where I was at that time. So you're fresh to San Francisco, you're coming for a program at Cal. I had literally just gotten back to San Francisco. That was my first night out after living in...

of Bali for over a year and a half. So again, pretty wild that I just get back. My sister is like, Lex, let's go out for the night. Let's celebrate your being back. And this is the night I meet him. I had, during my time in Bali, been really in a self-love journey. I had gone through a deep sense of commitment to releasing myself from a lot of my old codependency dynamics and past relationship dynamics and really honoring my own work and how I needed to grow in that space. And I had just like a few months earlier.

said to one of my best friends, I said, I think I'm really ready to finally call in my partner. More than that, I wanna call in my hell yes partner. I was really clear that I didn't wanna have random flings, I didn't wanna have, I didn't wanna have any confusion in my body on if someone was a yes or a no. And so this story gets even better because talk about the universe giving us signs, just wait. So you now hop on a call with me a few days later.

Alexia (09:19.887)

and basically invite me out for our first date. And I also will just say, I thought it was really amazing that you actually asked me to hop on a call. I feel like there's such a typical dynamic of text culture and you just play all these games for a long time on text, but I feel like it really stood out to me that day that you were like, hey, I really enjoyed meeting you. Let's get on a call. I'd love to chat with you. You get on this call. We just talk for like an hour. And then you asked me to go on a date. It felt so formal and sweet. And I don't know, my feminine side just loves that feeling of,

feeling cared for in the way you just showed up. And so then you planned our first date. Yeah. And I think when I called you, I think one thing you also remember being quite unique, which I didn't feel was unique, was the fact that I called you at the time I said I was going to call you. Yes. I remember it was something like 7 PM and I called you at 7 PM. And I remember texting you earlier that day saying, meeting you was a treat. Seeing you again would be a pleasure.

So keeping it very short and sweet on text but then preferring to speak to you because I think one thing that texts don't allow for is full engagement and the vulnerability around conversation. When you're having a conversation, there's no rehearsal, it's not contrived, it's not premeditated, it's just raw, it's there.

and you get into a sort of energy and a flow with the person you're speaking to. Texts don't allow for that. Texts can be rehearsed, they can be planned, they can be coordinated. And these days with AI, you could literally run texts through AI and say what AI is saying, not what you're saying. So I think there's a deep authenticity to having these conversations with the person who you feel very strongly about after having just met them two nights before.

So yeah, we planned or I planned the first date. I'd never been on a date in San Francisco before. In fact, it was gonna be my second night out in San Francisco in my entire life. And I remember, as someone who's a patron of jazz, love jazz music, and I feel like there's such a beauty to jazz that draws out aspects of love. And I thought, well,

Alexia (11:42.093)

San Francisco has a great jazz scene, the Fillmore district is awesome for that purpose, why don't we go to the Fillmore district? And I remember us planning an early dinner date at this restaurant called Fat Angel and it was just such an incredible night. I remember we literally met up at around 5pm in the afternoon, had a lovely sunset.

and just spoke for hours and hours until the restaurant closed at about half past nine. And then after that, we didn't want the night to end. And I remember when I planned the first date, you know, there's so many different ways in which people can connect. And I think when I was planning the first date, I was really thinking intentionally about how do we plan a first date where I'm able to connect with you, not just with verbal language.

but also with other different sensations. And those sensations would be dancing. Those sensations would be eye gazing. And I remember thinking, okay, well, if we do have the dinner and the dinner goes well, there's a couple of dive bars around the area and we could find and happen upon one and be able to dance together and see where the night takes us. you know, much to our delight.

The dinner went fantastically well. And I think we were very vulnerable with our conversation. So we had this level of vulnerability between us and how we conversed, which built up trust. But there was a lot of eye gazing at the table as well, which is also beautiful. But then my buddy wanted to also see if there was some sense of poetry with you that we could explore. And going to one of the dive bars in the area along the way to this dive bar,

across the street and there was this old man singing blues and he had a crowd of around 10 to 15 people and as we're walking towards this dive bar he looks over at us and says hey you two fellas you come over here you young lady you're a good lady young man you must look after her and you young man you're a good man so she better look after you which I really liked you know it's it was lovely to have him

Alexia (14:05.411)

sort of look at us and say, hey, you guys gotta look after each other. But then he said, you guys make a lovely couple. Everybody in the circle here, can I get a hell yeah. And so everybody in the circle, 10 to 15 people are just like, hell yeah. And I don't know your story about looking for the hell yes type of guy that you were looking for once you'd done your trip in Bali and lived in Bali for just over a year and a half. But that was amazing to have this sort of divine

occasion where someone just comes up and says, we're a lovely couple and you know, being interracial is something that some parts of the world still frown upon. You know, being in South Africa, we've had our own experiences here. But to have that and to be in a relationship where I'm from across the world in South Africa, you're from California. And then someone comes up and says, we're going to, we make an amazing couple. Can I get a hell yes and everyone supporting us.

was for me, the universe being the wind behind our sails and giving us that extra knowing that this is real and this is true. And so we get to the dive bar and at the dive bar we start dancing. And I remember the doorman at the dive bar actually said, you young lady, you're a good lady, you come in for free and you young man, you're also a good man, you come in for free.

So he basically let us in for free and I think maybe he could sense this young love between us. We were sort of really happy, joyful and he let us in for free and I was like, well, no, credit to her. He's like, no, you don't sell yourself shorts. I love that as well. And we danced, danced until we were the last people on the dance floor. And after that, we ended up speaking to the artists and the artists were super supportive of our love and what we were all about. And I think in today, like today's society,

at least from my experience being a man and being around other men, there's always a sort of view that if you're getting into a long-term relationship, you're selling your freedom. But I think what it really is is an invitation to freedom, to be in a stable, supportive, healthy, strong relationship. I feel you so much on that last statement. I know when you and I were getting married and going through that journey, it was so interesting, especially for you, especially

Alexia (16:30.155)

you receiving comments more so from men than I necessarily would as woman. I definitely would have quite a good number of women asking me like, how do you know? Are you afraid of the commitment? What are you experiencing? And honestly, I find it fascinating even hearing now hearing you recollect the story. I hadn't realized until today just how much dancing has literally been the thread in our life and in our entire partnership. We met on a dance floor, our first date where we really experienced such a moment of such deep connection again on a dance floor.

You know, I think about how on my wedding day or our wedding day, I remember I had a reflection from my stepsister who she was like, you were the most relaxed bride I've ever seen. And I honestly just danced the whole day. And I think of how we operate in life is like you said, that question of freedom. You've actually felt so free through commitment. Because when you actually, obviously there's a key piece here, right? We were committing to a relationship that was so aligned with us and even had universe signs coming towards us saying, like you said my hell yes story. I mean.

If you're listening to this right now, you've got to think about how wild that was for me. I had just said two months earlier, I'm calling in my hell yes partner. And then we have a random gentleman on the street on my first date with this guy telling us, can I get a hell yeah? It's like logged in my memory. But it's also such a reminder that when you commit to something, like the commitment with you and I started even before we met, right? Like even me putting that out there saying I'm ready for.

commitment, not with attachment, not with a sense of searching, but more from like a, feel complete inside of myself. I know something you and I've talked about is you also felt really stable and who you were centered in yourself that we then got to be really expanded by each other in so many ways. And I think I always have that mantra that's really stuck with me, that magic happens when you most expect it. And it's like, I think you coming into my life, the expectation of like, let me trust this, me honor this, let me trust that my, I think a big dynamic also is I didn't just feel a connection to you in my head.

I didn't go through some checklists. I could have very easily, if I had gone checklist on you, yes, we actually had lot of similarities and a lot of who you are that I deeply respected, but my body, and not just like my sexual, like just chemistry body, my whole energetic, spiritual, emotional body felt so in alignment with you. There was something so attracted to our connection that just plays out. And would you say for you, was there a specific moment when you knew that you were ready to commit or there was like an energy of?

Alexia (18:54.159)

this is something special. I think from the first night that we met at Blondie's to the date, I mean, it was all this sort of self-affirming process that we were on, this journey of curiosity then being satiated by the beauty of your substance and the beauty of your substance elevating my joy and making me realize that I'm

so much more than I thought I was. You inspired me so much just through meeting you. mean, we had so many idiosyncrasies that we each shared that I didn't seen other people before. And then when we met, you know, the first time I open your kitchen pantry cupboards, I see hemp hearts and I see cacao nibs and I see matcha powder and spirulina. And I'm like, where's this lady from? Because this is what I love.

You know, and the superfoods and I think just to your point about dancing, we danced so much on that first date, still today, I mean, throughout our relationship, we used to dance almost every morning and lately now because we've got a puppy that's not happening as much, but we dance every morning, get up and even if it's just two minutes or

10 minutes, play a song, dance in the morning, and dance when we celebrate as well. And I think that that playfulness, that ability to connect and not really care how other people may view it, but know that we are connecting deeply with each other is something that I think is so freeing for us and is so helpful to maintaining close connection and trust. I think the body has so much wisdom within it.

And when you're able to dance with someone, that's an expression of that wisdom. I remember on our wedding day at the reception, we didn't rehearse any dancing. And Lexi just decides, I'm going to do the dip right now. was so unprepared for Trust fall, trust fall, baby. was a complete trust fall. But there I was, catching you, knowing that you were going to do the dip for some strange reason.

Alexia (21:17.935)

catching you but barely, but catching you nonetheless. Still caught me. I still caught you. But I mean, that's just the beauty of different ways of connecting. So, you know, I think one of the things we see, or at least one of the things that is prevalent in my mind, or was prevalent in my mind, is that when you meet someone that's about having a conversation, but then there's only sort of two dimensions of connection. It's the eye contact.

and then there's the verbal communication. But with eye gazing, there's no verbal communication. Your eyes, like they say, are the window to your soul. And it was such a powerful thing that you introduced me to, where we actually did a lot of eye gazing throughout the formative days of our relationship. And that was so powerful, because then we're connecting to each other's spirit, and you're building trust. Beyond that, then, there's the dancing. But dancing is your physical body moving them.

and expressing itself. You don't have to be touching the other person or rubbing up against the other person, but there's this dancing that you have and it's a physical expression. But then there's also touch because you are going to be touching each other at some points when you dance. And I felt that that was also really powerful to feel the touch, to hold you while you're dancing, while your body's elated in this moment of happiness and joy. And I think that that's so important. So for me,

And there wasn't a clear point where I knew because I knew when I met you, from the day I met you that you were someone really special and that as my dad would always say, when you cross the precipice of 30, you need to be sure about who you're dating because who you date would likely then become your partner in life and your partner in life is the most important decision you make because they will ultimately be the mother or father of

your children. So for me, it was so important when we're going on this journey that the curiosity I had was investigated and then substantiated by the brilliance that is you and the importance of us investigating this love that we have between us, this connection and building that bridge. And there's a saying that says, you know, love is the bridge to everything. And I feel like the bridge that we built

Alexia (23:43.703)

between us has really allowed you into my universe and me into your universe. you know, there's just so much beauty that has blossomed because of it. I do love that that phrase you always share about the bridge, because there is something about connectedness, but it's not anyone's in isolation. That's not this like you're enveloped in each other. There's this bridge of connection where you and I think such a big thing that you've taught me.

is what it means to be a team, what it means to operate as a team. And we're going to go into that in just a moment, because that's honestly one of the biggest foundational principles that I've realized and we've spoken about that's really given us such a foundation in life. But I know for me, one of my biggest challenges that I had to navigate in the early days of our relationship was releasing, one, my fear around getting hurt or the fear of loss and like that dynamic of really opening up my heart and trusting love in a deep way.

But the bigger one was this trust that I could be my own home, that I could honor the beauty and the gift of feeling complete on my own, and that our love could expand me. And that's what I would say is like from the moment I met you, there was this expansion frequency. This didn't feel like I had to hide who I was. I didn't feel like I had to dim myself. And it's so interesting you mentioned the joy in dance. And when I think about myself, I think one of the greatest ways I express my joy is through dancing. And yet joy is such a vulnerable expression to share.

in general in a world that actually when a lot of people are in joy, it can be really intimidating. There's a lot of dynamics related to joy. Yet what I've learned so much with you is that so much of what I've actually now as a hypothesis I almost have is almost the best relationships I've ever seen are ones where each other's inner children feel free to play. And I feel like when we talk about dance, we talk about these energies, right? There's so many ways you can dance. There's sensual, there's that sensual connection, but there's also play. There's ways you just.

are cheeky with each other and communicate and just have fun and enjoy the literal journey of life. And like you said, that ritual of us connecting day to day through our dance, it's not only a way we get intimate and just connect with each other, but it's also a way we just consistently appreciate each other's presence, but appreciate this journey we're creating together. Like we don't take for granted that each day we get to dance and what a gift it is. So I just wanna take one moment. We can keep it pretty short, but just share.

Alexia (26:04.143)

So I don't want to give any illusion that it was just like, we meet all is deep. I don't want to diminish either. Like when we met, our connection was deep. It was soulful. It was so spiritual. It was clear. And then comes in the human experience, right? In comes also like any human experience, you would deal with external circumstances. You deal with our mind, you deal with logic. And I would say the big thing you navigated while I think I was navigating more of this trust in keeping my heart open. You are a planner. When you make a plan,

You're someone who sticks to it in many ways and in walks this blonde to blondies who was not expected on your plan to America. And so what came up for you in that experience? What did you have to navigate and how did you navigate kind of going through the mind dynamic and the logical dynamic and then moving into commitment? Yeah, I think that's such a brilliant question. And I always think about the trespasser called society because society is a manmade phenomenon.

that we all sort of act in accordance with rules and norms and society is limiting. When you have boundaries and peripheries within which you have to operate, the exploration of love is somewhat dimmed. We've seen this throughout history. There were laws that would prohibit people to be together whether they were from the same sex or whether they were from different races. That would be unlawful, illegal. And I think that's

Society as a reflection of law and law as a reflection of society has its limitations. And one of the limitations that sort of crept into my mind with my logical mind started to switch on and say, okay, you you're dancing this dance of love, but there are these realities that you need to consider. And the realities were that I am from South Africa. I had traveled a long way to be in California. I was not planning to be there indefinitely. I had a clear path of

getting a degree from Cal and working there for a couple of years maximum, and then going back to South Africa to give back to my community and to continue working in my professional career. And I think that one of the things that was really important for me is staying true to the integrity that I stand for and the promises that I made to the people in South Africa that I'd made promises to.

Alexia (28:30.413)

And I think that that's really important because I never took it as me getting to the US and getting into Cal and getting a scholarship to go there as my achievement. That was an achievement of my community, my family, my friends. Without them, I would not be. And I think that that is testament to an African philosophy that some people may have heard of.

called Ubuntu, and the full saying is Ubuntu Ngubuntu Ngabatu, which basically means that I am a person through other people. You are made up through your experiences, through your interactions, through the quarrels, the love, the relationships that you have with people in your community. They make you who you are. And I feel like that was so important for me, and I remember expressing it to you.

And you always had this optimistic view that I then took as naive, like how are we gonna work it out? And you always had these amazing solutions. you know, looking back, it was naive for me to think that you were naive because your solutions were so clear and you were so devoted to following through with those solutions. And for me, that was such an important element of building trust with you and knowing that

you were here for the long haul. Ultimately what happened was we took a break for two and a half weeks where I needed to take time to be sure that if I'm gonna put my heart out and hand it to another person and say here's my love I'm fully devoted and I want to spend the rest of my life with you because that commitment doesn't need to happen when you say your vows. That commitment for me happened when

I knew that I was going be fully devoted to you and that come hell or high water, notwithstanding the fact that we're from two very disparate parts of the world, we would be able to make it work in some manner, shape or form. taking that break was really important for me because it gave me the space and time to postulate and think about the irrationality of my logical mind. So it's so funny that my logical mind was the one that was really

Alexia (30:55.467)

irrational and this this trespasser called society was coming in and saying actually no you cannot be in love because you've got things to do and this cannot happen and that's why i call it a trespasser we need to follow love when there is love there's nothing more beautiful than than true love in life that's for me one of the most beautiful feelings one could ever have is true love forget your career forget

the fame or the glory that you're trying to go for. If you find true love, that's worth fighting for. And I remember that that's what I felt at that point. And knowing that there isn't one path that is predetermined, that I determined for myself, that I needed to follow, but that I could take a scenic route. I could flow like water and just be guided by the universe and be guided by how our love starts to mature.

and blossom. And I feel like when I surrendered to the love that we shared, life became so much more beautiful because you're not living life according to a script, which is society's script that has been imposed upon you. You're living life day to day and you're living life in companionship where the decisions you make affect someone else and the decisions they make affect you.

And I felt like that was such a beautiful revelation for me when I realized what you'd realized many weeks before, that this love was something that would naturally and organically grow as long as we cultivated with love and respect and trust. love the way, multiple points in this, I love the way you shared Ubuntu because you've taught me this and it's been such a foundation that's shifted my understanding.

of life, of seeing life and such a sense of intimacy with you is that awareness of I am because we are. There is an energy of your interconnectedness to life and to others and I remember that when you were sharing with me the variety of reasons and where your nervousness was coming from, I just held a lot of space for it. But there was such a gift, this is why I'm so clear about naming that I had such a body awareness that you were

Alexia (33:17.645)

the one for me, I just knew it. I really can't articulate it other than it was such a soul level knowing that kept me in such a level of commitment. And I have this phrase I always connect with of hold the pose. Like I just knew that it was important for me to hold the pose, to stay true, to hear you, to witness, to hold space for you to also share what was on your mind. Because I think it's our truth, it's our honesty that gave us so much space to move through seasons. I think a lot of dating dynamics get sabotaged early on because

people try to move around just saying the things they need to say. They get nervous to share what they're experiencing, doubts or fears or insecurities. And it's like, if you can just say it out loud, even if you're afraid it's too much or the other person can't handle it, that'll already give you data about the dynamic and how you can build trust anyways. But I really love that you were so open with me and you shared with me. And honestly, I grew a lot of respect. I remember in everything you were sharing with me, it just made me trust that you are someone who stays true to their word, who honors their commitments, and also,

that I realized that in union with you, I would be also taking on, like when you go into commitment with somebody, you have to also honor that in the co-creation, you're also taking on their commitments. And I don't think people wanna talk about that enough, right? I'm now realizing, right, that if I'm saying, I'm committing to you, you're worth it, I trust this, I see that there's a very clear reality, I'm gonna need to move to South Africa, at least for a period of time. And this is something I also had to honor my choice in. But for me, it was worth it.

And I think that something that you and I have really stood by and has been huge for us. And I think even that early days set us up for, and I really honor you for asking for that break and taking it. Because I will say the moment you committed, you committed. And I just want to say for anyone who's listening, even if you're not married, if you are in any partnership, spending your time cultivating an intimate dynamic with someone, there is a day-to-day choosing.

there is some level of commitment you're doing. So if you're doing anything where it's a little bit half-hearted, you're only holding both of you back from really honoring the next level of depths. That being said, as anyone will say about marriage or deep partnership, it's not always easy breezy. But I think what I've loved about you and I is with the trust we've built with the foundation we've built, we've always kept because we came in with commitment energy, we've always held a vision of the long game. And I think then, just a little bit of just

Alexia (35:35.907)

context about thinking about us, right? When you talk to someone about the different external dynamics we've had to navigate, there's a lot of things if we didn't have that foundation of a commitment in place, could have been really easy to let, like you said, the trespasser of society take us down, right? Like we're from the opposite sides. There's so many different cultures between the two of us. There's so many projections on us because of our different racial backgrounds and experiences and so many people saying, like, but how do you guys connect? You guys must have had such...

wildly different experiences growing up. And I'll say, when I was on that first date with you, I had never felt so seen and understood by a person that I had ever gone on a date with, nonetheless, like really known. And no, we did not grow up. I've dated people in my hometown and I didn't feel like they fully got me, but you got me. And there's something very sacred about that experience. But it's like that long game. It's something I always say to anyone who's questioning is,

Don't think there's something wrong if you're going through a season and some seasons ask you to prioritize one partner or the other, you have to move to South Africa, but you have to honor your choice and what you're willing to choose and what you're willing to show up for, but also do it with a full heart. Because if you don't do it with a full heart, what is life here for? Because then you never really know. And I would say that was a key for us. And I'm glad that I held that pose initially because I have watched the way I you know, I mirrored that commitment to you and then you had your own timing and then you mirrored it back and you have held that same energy.

since that day, I mean, seven years ago. So I want to dive a little deeper into the team principle. I now really think about how Ubuntu is really the overarching essence of what this means, but you and I have really grown and I think a key way we move through the world and dance together is we move from a consciousness of we are a team. What does that mean to you and how do you see that it has really shaped how we show up in our partnership? That's such a beautiful question. And I think again, some

African philosophy for your listeners is there's a phrase in Zulu called Masabuja-le-Ekaya which basically means we must always go back home. Home is not a physical place per se. Home for me when I listen to that phrase is the truth, honesty and foundation that I have built with someone else and the experiences that we've had as we grow in our relationship.

Alexia (37:59.245)

That foundation has to be resolute. It has to be unshakable. So trust, devotion, honesty, all make up this feeling called love that we sometimes have such a difficult time explaining because the English language doesn't sort of have the words to contextualize or define it. And I think for me, when I think about home, I think about you and I, and I think about what do we need to do to cultivate our relationship, to grow?

to be magical, be wondrous, to be exciting, to be supportive to you and to me and to those around us. And I think one of the things that I've seen with some of my friends and people that I know is when we think about a foundation, we always have to focus on trust, respect and devotion for one another. You have to have that. And when we talk about love,

love are the seeds that come from that foundation. And for me it was operating with the sense of knowing that home is where you are and where I am and that that home always needs to be looked after, always needs to be cultivated. And whenever we felt that we were far away from love, that's why people, when they argue, they shout at each other because they feel that they're so far spiritually that they have to shout trying to get a message across.

When we are feeling far away from our love, how do we return home? How do we get back to our center? And that center is our team, you and I. And I think that when we talk about returning home, it's about the individual, not the partnership, the individual saying, what have I done wrong? How have I lost my way? And how do I get back to that foundation that is so strong that I call home? And how do I start cultivating it again?

And I think that that is so important, is to know that there's this constant flow of sort of being thrown off course. Sometimes life throws a lot of pressure at you, especially lately, people are under a lot of strain. But when you veer off course, always think about where is home and how do I return home to that love, to that strong foundation. Because when you have that foundation, when you have trust, respect and devotion,

Alexia (40:25.487)

you can then cultivate the seeds of love. I love this because I cannot stand that phrase that says, you complete me. I think it's a really BS thing. And honestly, I think for a while in my own life, I thought that's what you need to look for. Whereas when you talk about this energy of home, I just want to clarify like a huge piece of how we see this is kind of what I've even saying earlier about the bridge, why I love the bridge analogy too, because it's not about like trying to enmesh. It's like this honoring of there's always a connection is we've always seen it as like you and I both honor.

that it's our responsibility to nourish our own inner home. I don't look to you like I can't take care and be the best version of myself in my relationship with you if I am completely not owning my needs, if I'm not honoring the certain things that really ensure I take care of my mind, my body, my spirit, if I'm not communicating to you where I'm at, how can you really truly support me, know, and vice versa. And so we honor that we both have our own center that we have to honor and then what's beautiful is together we've like really expanded into this like

deeper sense, like you show me what a deeper sense of home is like. Where now I can expand into our togetherness, but without thinking that means I lose my sense of self. And I think something we get asked a lot is we're both very ambitious. We both are big, visionary, mission-oriented people. How do we both honor both of our paths, our soul's journey in leadership, while also ensuring that we're on the same journey together?

How do you find that the way we navigate, especially with this team frequency that we're committed to, how do you feel that that supports us? Yeah, I think that's a lovely question. And I think it's always an ongoing discovery, a journey that always has different sights, sounds, and smells that you have to navigate together. And I think one of the things that we do really well is we take a lot of walks, we go on hikes together, ask these questions with your partner that have been percolating within you.

So for example, you and I remember when we were living in Seattle, there were questions about your career and my career. Do we allow that to affect the love and the foundation that we have? And we've always been aware of letting each other know that regardless of where life takes us and how complicated life can be and how alluring the glitz and glamour can be, that home is always where we return to. That's why I

Alexia (42:48.79)

shared that sort of Zulu saying of Masibu Yalei Ikaya, which basically means let's return home. And I think that that's so important and fundamental to relationship because oftentimes what I've seen is people are alert by temptation, by the spotlight, by the glitz and the glamour, and they forget the importance of the foundation that has actually, you know, allowed them to get to that point. It's not an individual course that, you know,

you have just traveled and I've been so successful and it's all me. Your success is driven by the relationship that you have with someone else. So I think that how we navigate these questions of maintaining our career but also supporting each other in our career is talking about it and sharing our concerns that we have and aspirations that we have and goals that we have. Do they align with you? Do they align with me?

And if they don't align, how do we get it to a point where there is common ground and we all feel comfortable that this is the way forward for us as a partnership, but also for you as an individual. And I think one of the other things is always to remain supportive of your partner. But there are points in our relationship where there have been avenues we've wanted to explore. And you've told me, Zainab, I don't think that this would be conducive to you to what your...

brilliant at and what you have to do on this planet and it probably wouldn't be the best decision for us. And there are points where I've said that to you. And we take that in and we have this dialectic debate about it. Getting to a point or through reasoning, getting to a point of a common source or a common ground where we're able to say, okay, this is the way forward. So conversation and communication is so important. I feel you so much and it's such a

reminder to me, think from a practical level of where this plays out is how I've seen it anyways, is when you go into a relationship and you operate as a team, the same way I think about back in the sports days, right? You have to honor that each person on the team has a different gift. They have a different specialty. And you and I have gotten really good at honoring what things I'm good at and I can be best leveraged in, in our relationship and as a team and what you're better at and where you're leveraged.

Alexia (45:11.926)

So there's those aspects, right? We have certain things like maintaining our household, maintaining our finances, maintaining different areas of how we run our life together that we honor where each of us are more leading in that section. And we really have deep respect and reverence for that and let go. Simultaneously, I think another practical aspect with this is there are gonna be seasons in your life, years even.

where we've had to see that one person's career needs more time and space and what that means and how you have to, as a unit, make choices and honor that as a team, you're making that choice. It's not about one person sacrificing or losing themselves in something. But I think about even when you, as an example, when you and I were planning our wedding during that season of our life, there was so much going on. You had made the choice, a big area you had committed to was we had chosen to move down to Cape Town.

And so there was a lot in that whole journey for you work wise where you had to fly back and forth a lot between Johannesburg and Cape Town and you had team going on there and there was a lot of growth edge you had in your career at that time. And simultaneously, right, we're planning a wedding and in our team meetings and our regular ritual of connecting, we had to have very practical conversations of like, okay.

you sharing with me, Lex, I'm at my max. I'm really honoring that we're building this life here in Cape Town, but this is what it's asking from me to travel this often to do these things. And so we honored that. We saw that that was where you were really honoring and committing to our partnership. And for me, I realized it was important for me to own and take up a bit more, a good amount more work on the wedding side. But I also knew that was part of an area that I was really honoring our relationship in, right? But it was an important conversation.

it was essential to have the clarity. Because you can imagine if we didn't talk about that, there's just so much room for feeling frustrated or resentful or you feeling not supported or me not feeling supported. Whereas I could just go in with a lens of this is where I'm showing up, this is where you're showing up. I feel like that's such a key thing. I don't think people, you know, there's a lot of romanticized energy about partnership. There's a lot of practical structure that we operate in that I realize is what supports us. Because guys, even think about when we moved, we lived in multiple states in the US.

Alexia (47:18.338)

We've moved and moved across the world, have lived on different continents. We've lived with in-laws, we've both started companies, we've both started all these projects, we've had a wedding. There's so many different things that could have felt like too much, but it was always those structures. It was always remembering that even in times when I felt like maybe I was carrying more weight or vice versa.

we honored that we had made that choice and that it was gonna be for a season. And we didn't try to make the other one feel guilty about it. We didn't feel victim. So I also think it's really easy to go into martyr dynamics and then hold that against your partner. It's like, you have to also honor in your relationship when you operate this way. I am choosing to be this player in my relationship, right? And so if you make that conscious choice, own it, love it, and show up for it, and then honor that in the next season.

sit down with your partner and have the next chat. Okay, what's coming up next? And if you're the one that's like, hey, I've held the ball a lot this time around, can you take it? Ask for what you need and make a plan, you know? But I just really wanted to name that because I think if you're listening, really thinking about in your own life, where do you maybe need to get more honest in a couple of these pieces? Where maybe do you need to own that there's areas you could get a little bit more clear on what you can support and show up as in your relationship to also ease weight on your partner?

And do you need to have a regular quarterly meeting ritual with your partner to talk about what season of our life is happening? Because as you get more complexity in your life, there's more balls that you're going to be navigating and who is really managing what and how can you feel most free in what you're doing and feel really valued in it too. And so just one last thing before we share and actually go into a couple of our rituals, I just want to name Conflict Happens. How do we navigate conflict?

That is a great question. think what immediately comes to mind is the time we were living in Berkeley, there was this wind chime that we went and bought from a nursery and there wasn't this outside section in our apartment where we could place it. So we ended up putting the chime, the wind chime inside and we just sort of like knock it every now and then, you know, but there was this argument that we had one night and I don't remember if it was you or me.

Alexia (49:24.962)

But the argument was so silly and one of us was like, okay, you know what? This is it. Time out. I cannot argue with you anymore. And then one of us knocked the wind chime and it was like, ding-a-ling-a-ling, you know, this is it. done. Like I wave the white flag. Let's stop arguing. And I think the wind chime, you know, actually is a frequency. So there's this frequency that's emitted by the wind chime that just sort of like neutralizes the space and

Since then, even when we didn't have the wind chime in our apartment, because as you said to everyone, we've moved quite a bit around the world, we would just sort of say, one of us would take the initiative of just saying, you know what, it's not worth the argument. Sometimes you actually look back and you think about what you're arguing about, and it's meaningless, superficial stuff that you argue about. Sometimes it's more important, but there's a way in which

you can deal with it. And I think you and I got to this point where wherever we felt that it wasn't worth arguing about, we would then ring the wind chime and just basically make the sound, ding-a-ling-a-ling, this is it. Let's call it a day. Let's retreat the forces and let's come back together and come back home to each other. And I feel like one of the beautiful things that you've always

shared with me and that I think is such a beautiful principle and philosophy in our relationship is the importance of always going to bed, not being angry with each other, going to bed having resolved issues and even if they're not fully resolved, being able to go to bed knowing that there's this connection between you two. And I think that that's also been so powerful. So conflict resolution, if you don't have a wind chime, maybe you should get one and ring it every time that there's a conflict.

And try going to bed with this principle of we always go to bed at peace with one another. Even if the peace is not full, you know, there's a sense of love and connection between us. And I think earlier what you were mentioning is, you know, the daily rituals and things that we do. think that communication is so important as well. And I'm sure we're to share more about our weekly and daily rituals that allow for that communication to happen. We'll never forget that first time we did that wind chime because

Alexia (51:48.792)

We just started laughing, because I want to be clear. We all know those moments when, like you said, you're just having a silly argument. Realistically, one person comes home super stressed out, tired, says one comment, then the next person feels defensive, gets frustrated, and then you just end up, you guys, we all know that moment when it's almost like just two egos that are both frustrated and being stubborn, and you just realize it's not worth it. I want to name it's really different than...

I don't want to, we don't minimize at all that there's sometimes hard conversations you have to walk through. But even those, think something we've learned a lot is timing is really important. I think something in our early days versus now that you and I have both realized is time and place. For example, I have learned that let's say I'm frustrated because I don't know, let's just use a random example. I'm like, see, why are you leaving dishes in the sink or something, right? Old me just like.

You know, immediately when it would bother me, I would just feel like I need to tell you right then. But maybe you're about to go into a really important meeting. There's a lot on your head that you're thinking about. That is not the time. So you're going to likely get a lot more defensive, not acknowledge, whatever it may be, or vice versa, you doing the same thing with me. And what I came to realize is if there's anything, first off, that's that important to talk about with your partner, save it for a moment when you are both in a space where you're fully present.

I think a lot of dynamics and what we saw with us was like more times when we used to have to wind chime more because nowadays we don't even wind chime off anymore but there were definitely like I feel like especially

Like year two to four of a relationship is such a prime time. You're like out of the honeymoon era, you're in more of the depths of getting to know each other. A lot of life gets really real in that era for many. I feel like that's when we were like really playing with it a lot more. And I think probably people go through various seasons at different times in relationships. So you're ever in one of those eras where you're needing that extra support with conflict, just, know, we recommend a good wind chime. I think it's a good segue into talking about one of the first rituals I wanted to name, which is how we set up our week.

Alexia (53:44.448)

is I've also learned if something is bothering me, if there's a dynamic, if there's something I desire extra support on or to give you feedback and vice versa, I've learned to bring it to our weekly ritual. So every Sunday, we do a ritual where we pull out the weekly ritual tracker. And if you're curious to actually get this support system, it's a specific sheet that gives you a whole structure on how you can do this. You can check it out. The link is in the show notes and you can actually download it for free and enjoy it. And so Z.

What would you say about the importance of us meeting on these Sundays, making it a priority, and what have you noticed since we have been doing it for years now? I think that's so important. One thing that a lot of couples do is they're going to this default mode where they're just trying to get on and trying to tend to their kids, tend to life, deal with life, and then also try to share some intimacy with each other and keep the love flame alive. And I think

One of the things that's so important is really creating these containers for you and your partner to connect, to share, but in a way where there's deep presence and intentionality. So when you have presence and intentionality and you have some sort of structure that you're following that both people are well versed on, there's so much more value that you get from that time.

that you spend together. And having the weekly tracker that you've developed has been so helpful for us because every week on a Sunday we have this non-negotiable ritual. We generally don't have any dinners or we don't take up any commitments on a Sunday evening. That time is sacred. It's for you and I to sit down and we go through our weekly goals.

what we've learned from the past week, what we want to achieve for the next week, and what are the three main areas that we want to focus on for the coming week. And then we also look at, you know, day by day, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, what are the rituals that we want to develop during this week that is going to be supportive to you and I, or just supportive to you along your journey, or me along my journey. And we then swap notes.

Alexia (56:10.144)

You share your tracker with me, I share my tracker with you, and we assess it and we make comments like, okay, I like this. I love how you said what you want to show up for this week and how you want to develop the ritual of drinking more water every single day. And what does that mean? You know, means getting a hydroflask, we're getting a water bottle and being able to carry that around, having access to drinkable water. For me, is track my calories so I can understand how many calories am I taking in and

you know, what type of food has high calories because that's something I've never done before. So these are the things that we share with each other and then we know going into the next week what I could do to support you along your journey knowing that these are the elements that you're focused on and what you could do to support me knowing that my elements have been shared with you and you know about them and that I feel is the journey of life.

The journey of self-realization comes from these moments in time where you are recalibrating, reasserting, refreshing your view on what you want to achieve. And a big part of manifestation is actually writing down what you want to achieve. So it's in your mind, then you put it down, you crystallize it on a piece of paper, and then sharing it with the other person is the next stage.

because then there's that accountability element of now I'm not just committed to myself achieving this goal. I've now shared it with the most important person in the world, my partner, and my partner now has the ability to keep me accountable. And I think we do do that with each other. Throughout the week, we'll check in with each other. I don't know if you want to share more about the We Do tracker. Yeah, I just want to...

Take a moment to note one key piece, which I think is a very powerful frame for how we operate when it comes to ritual. And one thing I really noticed is something we stand behind. And I think this goes back to, again, the team energy is we know that our gift is to hold each other to the highest standard. I deeply believe that the most loving thing you can do is to care enough about a person, to want to see them live up to their highest potential.

Alexia (58:25.794)

And I think a lot of relationship dynamics, you know, it's really easy. I mean, not even just in romantic relationship, but in a lot of friendship dynamics to just like want to let someone off the hook all the time. And I think a lot of what I've seen as to why a lot of people don't, as you want to do their tracker, don't want to commit to things is because when you commit to something, there's an aspect of putting yourself on the line. There's an aspect of being accountable. There's an aspect of...

really owning who you need to show up and be. And I think what we've watched is this weekly check-in, this weekly ritual tracker supports us both in one naming to the other, who are we consciously choosing to elevate ourselves into on a weekly basis. And we have literally watched through doing this year after year how it's completely supported massive career shifts, career elevations, massive moves we've made, massive investments we've made.

It's drastically changed our health. You and I are now the fittest we've been on many levels than we've been in a really long time, if not ever. And I think I just have really seen that piece as essential from an individual level, that's huge. And then I think from a team level, a big dynamic I know I face, and I hear a lot from incredible people, is the struggle to know how to ask for support. It's such a big question. I know many people talk about...

I just want so and so to support me more. I want my partner to support me more. Or how many fights happen because one person doesn't feel supported. I want to give you the invitation. If that is a story in your partnership dynamic, do this tracker. Do it together, make it a fun ritual, and watch how quickly through you both doing it, it becomes really clear and a great opportunity for both of you to specifically show what you're focusing on and ask for support and see where that other person can support you.

and just watch how it changes things. Because I know for me, it helped me understand what you're doing and what you're focused on. And from that lens, it allows me be more intentional and thoughtful about where I can hold the pose and support you and vice versa. And so just to name that because this can sound like a simple thing, like once a week you do this. No, this is something that can not only deeply change your life, it can completely elevate your partnership. This one ritual, kid you not.

Alexia (01:00:36.322)

And I will stand behind it a million times because I've watched it shape you and I so drastically and others. And so when you think about then we navigate the week, we do both have some daily rituals that we do that are very unique to us, right? There's certain things I'm doing because of my business, you're doing because of your business that are very specific to our particular commitments in those areas. But then there are specific rituals we do together on a daily basis. So you want to share?

Yeah, so I think the important thing about the daily rituals is there's a morning ritual and an evening ritual. And I am more of a morning person. You? What? And you are more of an evening person. So I have this proclivity towards, you know, waking up early, being so excited about the new day and wanting to get to the kitchen, turn on and play some music and get our

know, morning drinks ready and you know, turn up all the curtains, let some sunshine in. So I love the mornings and I obviously would naturally then own the morning ritual. And the morning ritual has a couple of things that I do. I light an incense, I draw all the curtains, I open a couple of the windows and the sliding door. I

make sure that the space is clean. Any dishes or anything that was left from the night before, I'll take care of because it's my, I own it. So regardless of how the place looks in the morning, I don't think too much about that. I just think about the end goal of making sure it is an inviting space. And because we go to gym, one of the things that we do want to do is get protein in. So I boil generally two eggs, maybe sometimes four eggs for us and make sure that that's ready. And I also,

will come wake you up at a certain time. And now that we have Bubbles in our life, I also make sure that Bubbles does his thing. He goes and he does his potty in the morning and I make sure I feed him and that he has his food. And then I go and wake you up. And I think that those steps is a way for us to have this ritualistic moment in the morning where I do certain things.

Alexia (01:02:58.86)

and then I come wake you up and we generally will dance because like I said, I put on some music and we'll dance a little bit and play with bubbles. Now we have bubbles, which is amazing. And that's the morning ritual. also make sure that we, I'm someone who loves to be punctual. So I'll make sure that we get to gym on time. And if you're going to gym and I'm looking after bubbles, that you get to gym on time. So I think those are the important elements of the morning ritual. And I think maybe you'd like to share more about the evening rituals.

Yeah, I mean, I'll just say I have had to just make peace with the fact that I am not a 5 a.m. er. I am not actually a natural morning person at all whatsoever. But thank goodness for being a team because it actually turns out that they are great for this because he's the natural morning person and I'm the natural night owl. And so, again, I really want to name that how we've personally structured our framework where he's owning the morning. I'm owning the evening is because, again, we sat down and really honored what.

really supports each of us with showing up in our natural state of ease. Where can we both naturally support the other in a way that feels really nourishing and then also vice versa, where can we feel more supported? So I'll just say, when I wake up in the morning and I am someone who wakes up the morning not awake, it's like it takes me a little while to warm up. I'm definitely a warm up to the day kind of a person. I'm definitely not like you or my delightful other morning people that I've been around who wake up ready to go in their day. They wanna make their biggest decisions immediately.

I walked into my house, it so much ambiance, there's such an energy and it just makes my morning feel so much more joyful and meaningful having that already set up. And then we consciously chose that then I'm in charge of the evening. And I also want to name one key element here, right? Like the way that we've made this choice on the morning and evening ritual is a way that we honored and have come to realize that no matter what's happening in the rest of our day, right? Because again, we're both people with full schedules and a lot going on.

We know that it really matters to us to prioritize our relationship, prioritize that connection, and so we prioritize making sure it happens. So how we found that happens is through that weekly ritual and then now the morning and evening. No matter what happens in the middle of day, we know we're going to start our day together, we know we're going to end our day together. Pretty much every single day, unless there's some unique circumstance for that particular day, but in general. And so then for me with the evening,

Alexia (01:05:18.562)

So just like how you start your day really matters, how you end your day, we really found that the wind down period is a really sacred time with each other. So for me, my responsibility with this and what we've chosen and crafted makes a big difference is we have a specific time where I go into making our evening beverage that then I share with you, dim the lights, I even go in our bedroom. I set an ambiance there, you specific lighting, you know, turn down the bed in a specific way, make sure that the pup is fed in the evening.

It's really lovely because I just know that then I'm going to set this beautiful space for us. And I think it's also nice, you say Z, because on this podcast, I talk a lot about ritual. And to me, why I'm so big on rituals, these aren't habits. Like every time I do this for us, I'm so present. It's not like I'm in default. We do it with a lot of intention. We both do it because it brings us joy for ourselves, but also for the other. It makes us feel like we're really showing up for the other person in a really sweet way. I love seeing you then after I've set the ambiance, go into the.

into our bedroom, I watch how you feel easeful, I watch how you go into then checking off your ritual tracker, I watch how then you get into your book, you get cozy and you just feel supported in the evening. And then, know, we end our day being able to have a bit of connection time, chatting, however we want to go about it, but just the ambiance, the environment has set it up that we're both in a similar energy and we have certain boundaries, right? Like tech is not in our bedroom. We're very adamant about that because let's be real guys, like the moment tech devices are part of the story, it just does.

create a lot of disconnection for intimacy and distraction. You see it's made a really big difference. And so I think for you listening, what we'd love to invite and just as like to take a moment to think about it is based on these different rituals we shared with you, what is something you can do in your life? And just to keep it simple first, something really simple. We're not saying now go and try to do a weekly tracker, a morning tracker, this, right? I know there can be a tendency, maybe for you, it might just be sitting down with your partner and saying, blocking off a time this weekend or this.

in the next week where you say, let's sit down and let's chat and listen to them and notice like what really supports them and coming up with one ritual together I commit to. And just making that a priority and maybe even having that conversation where you both own what it is you feel like you have as a strength in your partnership that you can leverage and what they have as a strength, maybe even reflect to each other what you see in each other that really supports. And just watch like how that space, that prioritization, that presence can make such a big difference and really support you feeling

Alexia (01:07:43.63)

Like you're operating in that team frequency and as partners. So one thing that I know comes up for many people is, but right now I'm in a really intense season. I'm going through a lot. There's so many changes in my life. It's really hard for me to stay consistent on anything. I think about the time when you were traveling back and forth from Joburg, there was so much going on in life. There was so much uncertainty. How did you navigate staying committed to your rituals and why do you think it's so important? Yeah. So I think that's a great point because

Sometimes people do go through very difficult times and I have to be up at 3.30 a.m. in the morning to catch the 5 a.m. to Joburg and would work there for the week and then fly back on Saturday. So I'd fly out on Monday morning and fly back on Saturday. And I think one of the things that was difficult was how were we able to maintain this ritualistic living with me being in Joburg for that week and you being in Cape Town.

One of the things that we did do is when I woke up at 3.30am, I'd already packed all my bags, gotten everything prepared for my flight, but I'd still make sure that I prepared things for you so that when you woke up many hours later, you would have this feeling that I have been here in this space and I've left it with this respect and this honor for my wife. And I think that that was very important. The other thing was when I was in Joburg, we'd have a call every evening at 9pm

and we'd use this time to check in with each other and talk about our highlights and our lowlights of the day and what was amazing, what was concerning and how we feel we need to be supported as you know I'm going through a lot of work that I'm doing in Joburg and you're going through a lot of work that you're doing in Cape Town. I think the other thing we did is notwithstanding the fact that I was separate from you we'd still check in with each other on our

daily trackers or our weekly trackers and look at our daily rituals and we'd talk about, okay, I remember you had these rituals and I had these rituals, how are we doing with this? And it's literally, you know, we could talk about other things, but we'd have about five to 10 minutes in that conversation where we'd go back to the rituals and talk about how we're working on them, how we're achieving them. And that was also very supportive. So if people are...

Alexia (01:10:08.822)

living in different cities, doing some sort of distance relationship or a hybrid of the two where you in person and at distance at some points in your relationship. think that sort of ability to check in with each other on a daily basis, but then bring it back to this container, five to 10 minutes of your conversation about your rituals, how you're making sure that you both feel supported is something that people can bring into their lives as well.

Yeah, it's so true when I look back at that season, because again, thank goodness, you know, it could have been really easy for us to just get lost in the busyness, quote, the busyness of our life in that season. There was so much going on. But because we again still had these specific commitments to each other to show up, to be in integrity with each other about our rituals, it kept us in sync and still dancing together, even when there were a lot of external circumstances that were not necessarily easy or working in our favor.

And I just want to name this because I know how easy it is in life. There's always external circumstances. There's always things, because our minds are very savvy, there's always reasons you can come up with as to why today is the day I don't need to do the thing. It's like, today's just been too full.

I've had too much going on or too many people have expected too much from me or have a speaking gig or I'm traveling or the puppy won't sleep last night. Like there's always something that you can come up with that's just that easy little way your small self saboteur just wants to be like it's okay start it tomorrow do it later. But we really want to honor that that part of you that stays committed even on the hard days is one of the greatest gifts you'll give to yourself to your future because what you're building there is a trust in yourself a trust that you are someone who stays true to their word.

and watch how it will shape you, watch how it also builds a whole new foundation and partnership. And so, yeah, as we begin to wrap up, Zee, is there anything else you feel like you feel called to share? Yeah, I think one of the things I would like to say is that health is so important to both of us. We all want to be in good health for as long as possible. And the rituals that we have, some people may feel that it's a bit too constraining or too rigid or there's too many boundaries, but there is liberation.

Alexia (01:12:18.414)

fluidity, seamlessness, and freedom when you have those rituals in place. There's also a connection to your health that comes from that as well. You cannot, I feel, in life with all the pressures just be on default mode. There has to be this ritualistic living. And like you said, it's not a habit, it's a ritual. So when I go into the kitchen in the morning and I light the incense and prep our morning drink and get the pup,

his food and turn up all the curtains, there's a deep intentionality with which I operate and it brings me so much joy to make sure that when you wake up everything is set up, it brings me joy, it brings you joy, it brings the home joy and I feel like that is so important for our health, knowing that every morning we're starting the day with a sense of purity, a sense of excitement, a sense of clarity and

in the evenings likewise, knowing that when you've turned down the bed and dimmed the lights and drawn the curtains and, you know, fed the pup, I know that I can go into bed knowing that you've owned the evening and taken care of everything. And that also is so important for our health. You know, we've brushed our teeth, showered, we've gotten into bed, we're feeling pure and clean and we can go into sort of the dimension of dream state, knowing that we are in

divine union and you know that we are together in this. And I think one of the other things that's important is in the weekly tracker I always have as one of my daily rituals that I'd like to fulfill every single day is making sure that I have a strong morning ritual. So I'll always tick off. I achieve the morning ritual every single day this weekend? Generally we do. I think it's generally seven days out of seven that we'll have our morning ritual.

And that for me is so important. Creating these spaces where we are able to show up for ourselves and each other through this ritualistic living is so important for both of us, our health, our love, and just allows us to cultivate our relationship and also achieve our goals in our lives as well. So I think having those weekly moments of accountability on a Sunday evening and then every day showing up

Alexia (01:14:41.772)

in the morning and the evening is important. So Zee, as a just closure ritual here, what would be one daily ritual that you do that you would love to invite anyone listening? The morning ritual. yeah, there we go. I was going to say, was like, I have feeling I'm going be today. I so important. For me, the way I start my day is generally the way I feel I'm going to end it. And I've known

There have been times when you're down in life, know, life can knock you down and you don't want to wake up early. I love waking up early and when I don't wake up early, let's say I went to bed late and I feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep and I wake up later than I expected and I don't go through that ritual of setting ourselves up. I don't feel good for the rest of the day and I feel more tired. I feel drowsy. I don't feel clear. I don't feel confident, but

Nine times out of 10, when I've done the morning ritual, there's so much clarity in my day, there's so much focus. And it's just those elements that you could use to support you in the morning. What are you taking ownership of in the morning? How are you creating a clean, structured space for you to succeed? And what does that look like for you? Because it looks like different things for different people. And now that we do have a pub, mean, there's extra responsibility, but I wake up 10 minutes earlier. You know, that's all it takes is, okay, well,

I do have a puppy now, Bubbles, who we need to look after. That just requires me to wake up 10 minutes earlier every morning to make sure that I have time for Bubbles. I can play with him. I can feed him. I can clean up after him if he has to pee or poo. So I think that that's one of the most important rituals that I would invite your listeners to take on. And it could look like different things for different people. I thank you so much for sharing that. I was wondering how it would go.

I wonder if he's going to highlight morning ritual because I know for you that is something that is so important and actually if you're listening and you desire support on just one option you could experiment with as a morning ritual you can check out episode number three on the podcast where I actually share one of my favorite morning rituals that has deeply impacted me throughout the years a writing ritual and actually in the show nuts I'll also put a free guide where you can download and it gives you a guide on

Alexia (01:17:05.73)

how to go through that ritual. Just as something that can give you a kickstart to your day because as you name Z, how you start your day has such a big impact and just don't diminish. Like obviously the entire intention of this entire podcast is so much around this concept of elevate your day one intentional day at a time. And if you're someone listening who has big dreams, aspirations, or frankly, just even someone who wants to live a well lived life, like just a life where you feel like.

You're full of energy. You feel really peaceful in who you are, that you say what you want to say, that the relationships in your life are rich in meaning and love and kindness. Don't diminish that these rituals really can make such a massive difference and they don't ask for some massive big move. A lot of it is the courage to just stay true. And I will tell you, we know.

The resistance can come up to do them. It's very easy to let yourself off the hook. There's a million and one reasons, as we've even watched with this puppy coming into our life, right? We always honor that sometimes when there's like big life change, there's a little bit of that grace period, but there's a grace period. We're not rigid, but then immediately we go right back into it, right? And that's the key. Even if you get off track, don't hold yourself in some shame spiral about it. Like get right back in and trust today's a new day. I'm back on it. And I'm just so grateful that we got to have this conversation. See, I'm so grateful that

You and I have this partnership together. It's just something that out of everything that I've created or done in life, I truly don't diminish that I've been so elevated more than anything else in our relationship through watching who you are, witnessing your growth, witnessing the times when you've held me.

accountable in times I really didn't want to be held accountable to. The times I wish you'd just let me off the hook and drink the coffee. The times when, you know, you had to say the hard thing to me, but it was actually the most loving thing. The times you have been and are consistently my biggest cheerleader. The times when I doubted myself so much and you just said, come on, let's go, let's go for the walk. I've got you. And I'm just so grateful.

Alexia (01:19:15.18)

to do this life with you, that we have navigated all the seasons, continue to navigate the seasons, and more than anything, that we have built such a strong foundation together. So, I love you.

And I would be curious for you listening, if you really enjoyed this conversation, I would be so curious to know if you want to send me a DM on Instagram to share with me what's really stood out to you about this episode. If you feel like this would resonate with anyone in your community and your friendship groups, to really share it. feel like something Z and I stand behind is we've come to realize love is the most powerful frequency we can emit on the planet. And that is built day in, day out by honoring your rituals, by ensuring that you show up.

as your most elevated self and doing it together. I think there's such a gift in honoring that we're not in silos and that we are all in different ways, meaning to honor the collective. And so if there's someone in your life who you feel like this would resonate with, someone who's really at this point or desires to really call in their hell yes partner would love for you to share with them. And if you haven't already rated and reviewed and subscribed to the podcast, would love for you to do so.

We're really on this path and creating a movement together of what it really means to be committed to showing up as our elevated selves on a day in day out basis. And until next time, I hope you elevate your life one intentional day at a time.