Welcome to we are already free.
Speaker:This is a podcast I've dreamed
Speaker:into being to support you on your path of self discovery,
Speaker:sovereignty, and remembering that you are already free in a society
Speaker:that's bred us to believe that we are anything but powerful, that we
Speaker:are anything but sovereign.
Speaker:This podcast is your invitation to
Speaker:return to that.
Speaker:The simple truth that we are
Speaker:already free. Join inspiring down to Earth
Speaker:guests as they share vulnerable stories and favorite strategies on
Speaker:how they live lives of beauty, joy, connection and meaning with
Speaker:the people they love.
Speaker:I'm your host, breathwork
Speaker:facilitator, empowering wordsmith, and intuitive guide Nathan
Speaker:Mainguard it's an honor to be here with you today.
Speaker:If you don't really get that, there's much issue at all with
Speaker:mainstream medicalized birth.
Speaker:Or if you'd like to both your
Speaker:children outside of the medical system, today's episode is for
Speaker:you. It's a confronting, challenging
Speaker:and ultimately empowering.
Speaker:Look at medical birth and the
Speaker:alternative known as free birth.
Speaker:Emily Saldivia is a founder of the
Speaker:Free Birth Society, helping tens of thousands of women around the
Speaker:world to birth the way humans have done forever.
Speaker:They also train women in the radical birth keepers school run.
Speaker:An amazing.
Speaker:Podcast and a whole lot more.
Speaker:Emily's experience and harrowing stories from working in the
Speaker:mainstream birthing industry give her a deep understanding of how
Speaker:humans are being born into captivity through this mainstream
Speaker:birthing methods. May this podcast episode with
Speaker:Emily Sadaya educate, inspire, and empower your relationship with the
Speaker:miracle of birth.
Speaker:This podcast is brand new at the
Speaker:time of this recording and any help that you can give to share it
Speaker:out. And more people is really
Speaker:important at this point.
Speaker:The more that you can share,
Speaker:subscribe and leave reviews, the more chance this has to be seen by
Speaker:tens if not hundreds of thousands more people through the new and
Speaker:noteworthy parts of the Apple Podcasts, etcetera.
Speaker:So please take an action.
Speaker:If you take any action, obviously
Speaker:after listening to this and if it resonates, please share it far and
Speaker:wide and let's help more people to remember that they are already
Speaker:free, I think now.
Speaker:More than ever is such a time for
Speaker:us to support one another, to share this kind of information, to
Speaker:share that there are alternatives to the disempowering stories we
Speaker:have been indoctrinated with by our failing and failed society.
Speaker:So this is with love, with joy.
Speaker:I'm so happy to be able to offer
Speaker:this episode to you.
Speaker:And please do stick around for the
Speaker:end where I have a few important things to share with you.
Speaker:But for now, please enjoy this uninterrupted.
Speaker:Episode with Emily Sardaa of Free birth society.
Speaker:How is death a part of birth or how is death present at birth?
Speaker:Or how does one need to confront death to birth?
Speaker:Well, there's certainly no one answer, but death and birth are
Speaker:the, you know, intros and outros of this time on Earth, right?
Speaker:And so death is a part of birth in that, quite literally, women who
Speaker:are the life bearers, you know, are also the death bringers,
Speaker:meaning that if you think about it from the time there's a spark of
Speaker:conception, that spark will die right it will die at some point,
Speaker:whether it's tomorrow, whether it's in 12 weeks gestation or
Speaker:whether it's 12 years old and so on yeah and so, you know, my old
Speaker:midwife I used to apprentice under would say we come to go and, you
Speaker:know, birth is the entry point and death is the exit point.
Speaker:And so you don't really have one without the other in the obvious
Speaker:sense that. They literally by design in
Speaker:arguably go together.
Speaker:Sometimes I refer to myself as a
Speaker:portal dweller because when you are drawn to birth, you're also
Speaker:often find yourself, you know, in what I call death midwifery as
Speaker:well, holding space on, you know, the other end.
Speaker:And sometimes, and it's not actually that uncommon, that death
Speaker:is a part of birth.
Speaker:Meaning still birth, miscarriage,
Speaker:you know, chosen termination.
Speaker:Obviously, people spontaneously
Speaker:die at all stages of life, right? So of course stillbirth is
Speaker:particularly tragic, but also really not rare yeah so I mean
Speaker:part of, you know, the work that I do, which is very specifically
Speaker:around. Birth work outside the medical
Speaker:system, outside the medical paradigm.
Speaker:There's a lot of contending with death because, well, I guess I'll
Speaker:say that when you birth in the system, you don't have to contend
Speaker:with death in the same way as the enormous social risk that comes
Speaker:with birthing at home, birthing without medical providers.
Speaker:You know, I would have lots to say, to win an argument about why
Speaker:that's actually safer and produces better outcomes.
Speaker:But women who free birth, which is birthing without medical
Speaker:providers? Hired professionals, women who
Speaker:free birth, you know, kind of kind of naturally then contend with the
Speaker:possibility of death.
Speaker:But it's more so rooted because
Speaker:we're doing something so different from societies, you know,
Speaker:mainstream. Of course the question we're
Speaker:constantly asked is, well, what if something happens?
Speaker:Yeah and so free birthers, you know, I that I find tend to be.
Speaker:Enormously mature and, you know, taking on a layer of radical
Speaker:responsibility to contend with these concepts, that when you just
Speaker:do whatever your doctor says and just go in for your induction, no
Speaker:one's explaining you know the likely risks and side effects.
Speaker:You know, and then you have the section you never needed.
Speaker:And then, you know, you hemorrhage and the baby goes to the nick you
Speaker:and the baby dies and the nick you.
Speaker:The framing of that is thank God we were there and we were able to
Speaker:try everything right? Whereas I'm in a very different
Speaker:consciousness where I'm like, well, it's very likely they killed
Speaker:the baby.
Speaker:You know, but my background is
Speaker:attending hundreds and hundreds of births within the system and.
Speaker:You know, it's just so painful.
Speaker:But i have seen babies be murdered
Speaker:from pharmaceuticals, from, you know, mistreatment, neglect, all
Speaker:sorts of stuff.
Speaker:And then, of course, there is just
Speaker:the spontaneous natural death that can occur at any stage of life.
Speaker:And actually what, you know, the name of your podcast is
Speaker:interesting to start with birth, because we are already free, is a
Speaker:beautiful idea and yet for the vast majority of humanity.
Speaker:At this time, we're born into captivity.
Speaker:We are born, not free, right? We are born into these.
Speaker:Deeply systemic structures that keep us captive and you know in a
Speaker:basically long standing sequence of consumerism and outsourcing and
Speaker:all of this stuff.
Speaker:And so I imagine this podcast is a
Speaker:remembering of who we are outside of that.
Speaker:But there's a lot of healing to do around the birth, you know of our
Speaker:own births and around you know.
Speaker:The global planet in the way in
Speaker:which we birth, because we're not Born Free like my daughter was
Speaker:Born Free, you know? But I'm a very tiny, tiny, tiny
Speaker:little % of women who are birthing freely.
Speaker:Yeah, I saw agree.
Speaker:I mean that's one of the things I
Speaker:think about is like that term we are already free.
Speaker:I think about it a lot.
Speaker:Of course, I think about these
Speaker:kind of things.
Speaker:I'm like, well, are we?
Speaker:And I think for me it's like, it's like a mantra.
Speaker:It's like, why do I say a mantra because I'm because I'm reclaiming
Speaker:something. I'm remembering, as you say, I'm
Speaker:returning to responsibility for something that is an inalienable
Speaker:truth. And yet I acknowledge that within
Speaker:the current physical paradigm and I just and actually this sort of.
Speaker:Highways into something that my I'm a home birth my the four
Speaker:myself and my three siblings from my mother were all born at home.
Speaker:I'm the eldest and so I feel deep gratitude for that at that time.
Speaker:My parents living in a little village on the tip of South Africa
Speaker:where they got it from all sides as you more than well know how it
Speaker:goes and what they had to go through just even to have a home
Speaker:birth with a midwife there, etcetera.
Speaker:But to navigate that and I was speaking with my mom a bit earlier
Speaker:today. I was just having a.
Speaker:Like, I needed a mum moment.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I just like was like, oh, I miss Mum and I, so I just called her up
Speaker:and was chatting that up would be chatting with you.
Speaker:And she thought she shared a line from the Bible.
Speaker:She finds a lot of huge amount of wisdom and peace in the Bible.
Speaker:It's not something I've ever really read, but I she offers me
Speaker:these little Nuggets and she said this one, which I'll read to you
Speaker:is from Exodus 1312 It says thou shalt set apart unto the Lord all
Speaker:that openeth the matrix.
Speaker:And when she read it to me, I was
Speaker:like, did they really use the word matrix in there?
Speaker:Like, is that a real thing? And she said, yes, let me go
Speaker:check. And she checked the meaning in
Speaker:Hebrew, the original what's translated as the matrix also
Speaker:means womb. So that's it's one meaning.
Speaker:And then if you go to the actual, like the old, what they call the
Speaker:primitive route in the Hebrew, it is to love deeply, have mercy, be
Speaker:compassionate, have tender affection, have compassion.
Speaker:And I just, I just thought that was a phenomenal.
Speaker:Meaning of the word matrix as a root, where now we think ohh get
Speaker:out of the matrix.
Speaker:But actually what we're in is a
Speaker:man-made prison and the actual matrix is the womb is the is the
Speaker:portal. So I don't know if you have any
Speaker:thoughts on that, but I thought I'd share that.
Speaker:Well, I'm just, I'm thinking about how in Kundalini yoga I was taught
Speaker:that matrix means Maya and Maya is the physical.
Speaker:You know reality and ohm, you know, is God before physical
Speaker:manifestation and Maya is the physical manifestation.
Speaker:So that's kind of, that's different.
Speaker:But I did know that the origin of matrix in Hebrew was womb, which
Speaker:is so cool, so cool.
Speaker:Well, has that been changed?
Speaker:Yeah, exactly. So I'm curious to know about your own journey, like
Speaker:what I've known of you and seen of you through your and heard of you
Speaker:through your podcast and through your page and what you're offering
Speaker:in the world.
Speaker:Is you seem from my perspective to
Speaker:be someone who is sovereign and empowered, and you are a leader
Speaker:and you are really taking profound action in a direction that you
Speaker:align with. And I'm wondering what was your
Speaker:life like before you reclaimed your sovereignty or before you
Speaker:claimed that part of yourself? Or have you always felt that way,
Speaker:or how was that journey for you? Well. I mean, in my childhood you
Speaker:can find every corner of me trying to, like, carve out my space and
Speaker:you know, dig my heels in about, you know who I am and make that be
Speaker:known. You know, there are stories of in
Speaker:my, in my childhood when I was, I let me make sure I'm saying this
Speaker:right 12 just really didn't like my family dynamic.
Speaker:My parents had split, things were not great and I sat my parents
Speaker:down. I was really into soccer and was
Speaker:playing on some big, you know, national teams.
Speaker:And that was my first dream was to be a professional soccer player.
Speaker:And so I sat my parents down when I was twelve, they were divorced
Speaker:and I got them together and I said, look.
Speaker:We all know I'm too young to run away.
Speaker:That would be just not the move for success.
Speaker:And so would you be willing to send me to boarding school far,
Speaker:far away from all of you, where I can start on varsity, you know, at
Speaker:in ninth.
Speaker:Grade and I need to get out of
Speaker:here, you know, and thankfully, my parents had the resources to say
Speaker:yes and the willingness.
Speaker:So I go to boarding school for two
Speaker:years. I wind up having this really
Speaker:horrific knee injury soccers out of the soccer's out of the picture
Speaker:now, for me, I'm, like, relearning how to walk.
Speaker:On crutches for a year.
Speaker:It was really a big deal and so I
Speaker:came home, I tried that for a couple of months in Florida, where
Speaker:I'm from.
Speaker:And then the same thing happened
Speaker:again. Now, four years later, I sent my
Speaker:parents, sat my parents down and I say.
Speaker:Look, I'm 16.
Speaker:We all know this isn't working,
Speaker:you know? Side note, I was going to public
Speaker:school for the first time in my life.
Speaker:I had always been in private and I wasn't going and I was making
Speaker:straight A's It was a joke.
Speaker:It was such a joke.
Speaker:The whole thing was such a joke.
Speaker:And I hated it.
Speaker:And I knew I was wasting my time.
Speaker:And so, yeah, I sat my parents
Speaker:down and I said I'd like to withdraw from school and leave.
Speaker:And I had been working at this little bakery.
Speaker:And I had 2000$ US saved, which felt like.
Speaker:What can't I do? You know what can't I do with
Speaker:2000$ when you're 16? And now?
Speaker:That's hilarious.
Speaker:But yeah, and so I told my parents
Speaker:I'd like to withdraw from school.
Speaker:I'd love your support.
Speaker:I don't need it, but I'd love it would make getting an apartment
Speaker:easier, and I'd like to go to LA and start my life.
Speaker:And they were like, OK, yeah, that seems right.
Speaker:And so I did, you know, so I went not really knowing anything i was
Speaker:freshly 16 years old anyway, so there's those stories, you know,
Speaker:in my in my childhood that are very obvious that I.
Speaker:You know came in to this life with a lot of fire and a lot of just
Speaker:determination and clarity and.
Speaker:You know, I would say throughout
Speaker:my twenties I've always been in birth, I've always attended
Speaker:births. I started attending births when I
Speaker:was 17. And I'm 36 now.
Speaker:And so for what is that 19 years and?
Speaker:I don't know how much you want to go into the whole Dula journey and
Speaker:the medical midwifery path, but it really took me too long in my
Speaker:opinion, to figure out.
Speaker:How bad?
Speaker:You know, the medical paradigm of birth was I was indoctrinated into
Speaker:doula life, which is all about being the Savior.
Speaker:All about, you know, holding the woman's hand while she's raped
Speaker:with instruments. You know, and at least you're
Speaker:there, and at least you're going to remember her story.
Speaker:Yeah, it was really quite dark and sick actually.
Speaker:And so I had a very successful dual business.
Speaker:For over a decade in Los Angeles and a lot of what I do now, which
Speaker:is not that is, you know, attempting to bridge that gap for
Speaker:birth workers so that it doesn't take 10 plus years for them to
Speaker:figure out and connect the dots and get the language provided for
Speaker:not only how deeply unethical you know, the monopoly of childbirth
Speaker:and obstetrics is, but also how we enable it in all these different
Speaker:ways, you know, believing.
Speaker:And reform fundamentally, which I
Speaker:no longer do.
Speaker:So yeah, I mean, you know,
Speaker:sovereignty. I don't think I even knew that
Speaker:word until I was probably 30.
Speaker:Now it's like trending and it's
Speaker:everywhere. But, you know, birth work is
Speaker:spiritual. Work it's so.
Speaker:It's so intense and there's so much that you have to learn how to
Speaker:hold because you're working with the most inner, inner fabric of a
Speaker:family dynamic. It's really intense.
Speaker:And you even in normal physiological births, you know,
Speaker:you're still, like I mentioned at the beginning of the show, you're
Speaker:still dealing with occasional stillbirths or, gosh, so much.
Speaker:I mean, family dynamics are so complicated, right?
Speaker:There's abusive dynamics.
Speaker:There's loss, you know, of family
Speaker:members while the woman's pregnant.
Speaker:There's so much that goes on within a family, you know,
Speaker:becoming a family.
Speaker:And you are just like right up in
Speaker:that mix. So it's A and then you times that
Speaker:by how many? Science you have, it requires an
Speaker:enormous amount of maturity and spiritual growth, and you know
Speaker:it's inside out work.
Speaker:And so no one taught me that
Speaker:that's what we teach about now.
Speaker:But this was a pretty lonely
Speaker:journey for me in my twenties, trying to sort all of the layers
Speaker:of this workout.
Speaker:And for anyone listening now who's
Speaker:kind of new to everything we're talking about.
Speaker:And he's kind of going, but I thought, you know, like home birth
Speaker:is cool and but it's all like, why does this sound so intense?
Speaker:And I'm curious, how did you go? Because it is intense.
Speaker:I mean, if I think of if someone has to open the door to this one
Speaker:thing, it's like what else has to collapse for that to become in
Speaker:someone's awareness? And in your case, like you stayed
Speaker:in that industry, you said for about 10 years and then how so,
Speaker:like using your journey as a way to kind of.
Speaker:Illustrate that shift and what happened for you within that space
Speaker:and moving out of it yeah you know, so for the vast majority of
Speaker:us, we're just kind of born into the mainstream.
Speaker:And then, you know, I assume if you're listening to this podcast,
Speaker:you're, you know, like us where at some point you start to question
Speaker:it and move outside of it and, you know, look at more radical, you
Speaker:know, which back to root, you know, ways of life and ways of
Speaker:thinking and, you know, altering your consciousness, you know,
Speaker:beyond the kind of mainstream.
Speaker:And so, you know, in my, in my
Speaker:earlier years. I was just being asked to attend
Speaker:births. And it was an obvious, yes, it
Speaker:felt like a deep calling.
Speaker:You know, many midwives say that
Speaker:it's just kind of with you your whole life.
Speaker:And it found me really young and I didn't know any other way.
Speaker:And so no one in my awareness, globally, in my awareness was
Speaker:doing what I do now, which obviously I'll explain in a little
Speaker:bit. So the path.
Speaker:That was laid before me.
Speaker:When you're interested in birth
Speaker:work in the early two thousands is you take a dual of training, which
Speaker:essentially a doula is a non medical woman who is kind of like
Speaker:a hired friend.
Speaker:She's going to know about birth,
Speaker:she's going to have someone like comfort measures.
Speaker:But my critique of doulas is that really, you know, the profession
Speaker:is enabling an enormous, you know, industrial machine of abuse and
Speaker:torture of women and children and so.
Speaker:I started as a very proud doula, started going to birth.
Speaker:I didn't know any better.
Speaker:You know, I didn't have language
Speaker:for anything I'm about to talk about.
Speaker:And, you know, I remember my fourth, birth which was horrific.
Speaker:And the mother was a family from Ethiopia in a County Hospital in
Speaker:LA and she.
Speaker:Yeah, she was brutalized with
Speaker:torture instruments. She had an episiotomy cut, you
Speaker:know, so very sharp scissors, cutting her perineum.
Speaker:Down to her anus.
Speaker:The baby was ripped out while she
Speaker:was being pumped full of drugs that she never consented to,
Speaker:dipping in and out of consciousness.
Speaker:When she would wake up into consciousness, she would be
Speaker:screaming. It was horrific umm.
Speaker:And her perennial never repaired, you know, she as last I knew her,
Speaker:which obviously was a while ago, but she went on to have one more
Speaker:child and she never was able to experience sensation down there
Speaker:again anyway. So that was my fourth birth and I
Speaker:remember taking that story to my mentors, which I used very
Speaker:loosely, just more experienced doulas.
Speaker:And I was completely gaslit by how with how upset I was.
Speaker:And they were like, yeah, you know?
Speaker:This is the, I'm sure the doctors did their best.
Speaker:And, you know, sometimes you gotta see some hard stuff and, you know,
Speaker:you're there to help her reframe the birth because, look, she has
Speaker:the healthy baby and she had a vaginal birth.
Speaker:So that was my exposure, you know, for many years I didn't have
Speaker:anybody validate. How horrific the treatment of
Speaker:women and children, you know, was that I was not just witnessing but
Speaker:being paid to witness, which is also pretty disgusting, you know.
Speaker:And I believed that I was helping because I would hold her hand, you
Speaker:know, when they would force instruments inside her and not
Speaker:explain why. And you know, the doctors would,
Speaker:you know, let me know how much they needed me to keep her calm
Speaker:and. You know, I just saw, you know, 10
Speaker:years of birth in the in captivity, you're gonna see some
Speaker:gnarly ass shit.
Speaker:And so I felt very purposeful in
Speaker:my doula work.
Speaker:I cared a lot.
Speaker:And I had no language for.
Speaker:The secondary trauma I was
Speaker:experiencing and for how completely honest, unsustainable
Speaker:what I was doing was, it was all pretty gross, actually.
Speaker:And when I would try to talk about something horrific that I saw so
Speaker:and so do, or try to rally the doulas and be like, can't we all
Speaker:leave Yelp reviews like we've all seen him do.
Speaker:This one thing you know, can't we all talk about it?
Speaker:Like surely there's something we can do?
Speaker:They would all be like, well, you don't want to get on the bad side
Speaker:of the doctor.
Speaker:Because then you won't be invited
Speaker:into the birth and that could, you know, affect your income.
Speaker:And what's interesting about this is, you know, many doulas will
Speaker:probably acknowledge how horrific some hospital births are.
Speaker:But there's this implication in the birth world and the mainstream
Speaker:birth world that home births with a licensed, you know, medical
Speaker:midwife is like as good as it gets.
Speaker:Like, that's the, that's the.
Speaker:That's the best thing you can get
Speaker:hired to go see.
Speaker:And to go support.
Speaker:And so I did a lot of that.
Speaker:I was The Apprentice to the
Speaker:busiest. Cnn in Los Angeles.
Speaker:And so I went to tons and tons and tons of medicalized births at
Speaker:home. And, you know, in some ways it's
Speaker:even worse. Because women are hiring women,
Speaker:believing that they're going to keep them out of the hospital
Speaker:system, believing that scraping together 6000$ and paying this
Speaker:woman to come to their home is going to have them prevent an
Speaker:unnecessary surgery or transfer or induction or what have you.
Speaker:And it's not the case at all, right?
Speaker:And so there's medical midwifery is incredibly unethical and lacks
Speaker:transparency, and no one's really acknowledging, especially medical
Speaker:midwives, that they are agents of the state by way of their license.
Speaker:And so, yeah, I kind of forget what your original question was,
Speaker:but the tracking of my twenties.
Speaker:Was going to birth after birth
Speaker:after birth. I'm talking 5 to 10 month Like a
Speaker:lot of births in different roles.
Speaker:Sometimes the assistant to a
Speaker:medical midwife at home, sometimes as a doula in all settings,
Speaker:including scheduled C sections, accidental side of the road births
Speaker:where no one was there.
Speaker:You know, like every setting,
Speaker:right that you could really conceive of.
Speaker:I've probably been there for.
Speaker:And my spirit was.
Speaker:Not OK.
Speaker:I was not OK.
Speaker:I was coming home after birth and.
Speaker:You know, needing a glass of wine
Speaker:or smoking a spliff and just like crying in my partner's lap, you
Speaker:know, and just felt this overwhelming sense of dread and I
Speaker:didn't know what to do about it.
Speaker:And I think a lot of doulas are
Speaker:there are in that place where.
Speaker:You are making money.
Speaker:You are doing your best.
Speaker:You are seeing unimaginable
Speaker:brutality and violence.
Speaker:And for context, because again,
Speaker:you know, maybe there's people listening who have no idea what
Speaker:I'm talking about.
Speaker:You know, obviously violence
Speaker:happens on a spectrum, but I'm talking about, you know, women
Speaker:saying, no, I don't want a vaginal exam and then having an entire
Speaker:medical staff climb on top of her and physically hold her down.
Speaker:In labor while they force their fingers inside of her.
Speaker:You know, I mean that's rape, obviously.
Speaker:Definition of rape is, you know, the insertion of any instruments
Speaker:or body parts, you know, into an orfice that is basically unwanted,
Speaker:right. And yeah, this is all totally
Speaker:normalized within the medical industry and within the dual
Speaker:industry, which is all wrapped up together.
Speaker:So, you know, back to for someone who's brand new.
Speaker:Let me think about where I want to go with this.
Speaker:So for someone who's new to this, I want to say.
Speaker:That the takeover of obstetrics, which has been going on for just
Speaker:about over 100 years or so.
Speaker:Has eradicated.
Speaker:Not just authentic midwifery for the most part, but it has
Speaker:completely changed how women Orient around their bodies and
Speaker:around the normal biological process of childbirth which.
Speaker:Spoiler alert.
Speaker:We've literally been doing for
Speaker:forever, right? And so for the last hundred, years
Speaker:it's been incredibly.
Speaker:Different you know, the white man
Speaker:came over from England to America with his little white lab coat on.
Speaker:You know, the first wave of physicians.
Speaker:The history of obstetrics in North America is incredibly interesting
Speaker:and depressing. And so they come over.
Speaker:They do all these incredibly.
Speaker:A successful moves to get the
Speaker:birth out of our homes where it's always been and really not that
Speaker:long ago, I mean just a couple generations into clinics and then
Speaker:hospitals and. You know, you can watch these
Speaker:horrific old videos of women being drugged and babies coming out just
Speaker:so drugged, which is where the spanking came from because babies
Speaker:were being born on ether like in the fifties you know, and then you
Speaker:just, you move into all these different trends of drugs and
Speaker:twilight sleep and, you know, and today we have the epidural, which
Speaker:is widely accepted and used and it's just hardcore narcotics and
Speaker:anesthesia. I mean, it's absolutely drugging.
Speaker:Our mothers and our babies and babies are absolutely born on
Speaker:drugs. But it looks a little different
Speaker:now than it did in the sixties So, you know what's important, I
Speaker:think, to say, to contextualize this whole conversation is.
Speaker:How what we said about women birthing in captivity.
Speaker:When you birth in an industrial setting, you are treated like.
Speaker:You you're joining an assembly line.
Speaker:There are.
Speaker:You know, it takes proceduralism
Speaker:to a whole new level.
Speaker:You do not have human rights.
Speaker:You do not have patient rights.
Speaker:The myth of informed consent is
Speaker:such a fucking joke, and you'd only know this if you worked in
Speaker:it, you know? I mean, you could listen to my
Speaker:podcast where there's hundreds of women also sharing their
Speaker:narratives and you can start to get a grasp of the truth.
Speaker:But what's so brilliant about what they've done is they've brought
Speaker:birth, which was always a family.
Speaker:Event you know, out of the family
Speaker:they bring it into, you know, concrete walls full of strangers.
Speaker:They torture and abuse and extract the baby from the woman.
Speaker:And, you know, then there's a couple days of that and then they
Speaker:send them home and the woman will never see the staff again.
Speaker:The woman will possibly never go back to that hospital.
Speaker:And so abuse in all settings really thrives in the shadows
Speaker:right That's kind of how abuse is perpetuated.
Speaker:It's not happening on the streets nearly as much as it's happening
Speaker:behind closed doors, right.
Speaker:And so this is just kind of an
Speaker:industrial example of that.
Speaker:Does that mean that every single
Speaker:woman having hospital birth is going to agree with my, with my,
Speaker:like, really intense assessment of it?
Speaker:Of course not.
Speaker:You can certainly find women who
Speaker:love. Their hospital births you can find
Speaker:women with emerging from their births with less intervention and
Speaker:abuse than others.
Speaker:But of a famous feminist quote
Speaker:that my friend says to me frequently is if it doesn't work
Speaker:for all women, it doesn't work for women and I would apply that.
Speaker:To industrial birth.
Speaker:It's I'm finding it so
Speaker:interesting. One of the most, well, not the
Speaker:most striking, but something very striking about what you're sharing
Speaker:right now is just how much trauma.
Speaker:You're expressing like, how much
Speaker:just the worst kinds of human on human abuse.
Speaker:And yet, when I look at your, when I listen to your podcast,
Speaker:generally I haven't listened to many episodes, but the ones I have
Speaker:listened to and specifically, more commonly when I watch the videos,
Speaker:these birthing videos and the stories of women that they share
Speaker:on your Instagram, I see something that is like.
Speaker:It's like the most inspiring thing.
Speaker:It's just on a whole.
Speaker:So it's it to me.
Speaker:There's a profoundly impactful juxtaposition or parrot or not
Speaker:paradox, but juxtaposition of this horrific trauma and then what it
Speaker:is that free birth society is facilitating in the world.
Speaker:And so I would love to hear for those listening what?
Speaker:What is that experience like? I know it's unique every time, but
Speaker:like what is the general where you've illustrated what it's like
Speaker:in the medical system? What's it like out of the medical
Speaker:system? Yeah well really what we're what
Speaker:we're talking about is birth like what is the design of birth and
Speaker:it's quite magnificent and it really, you know all mammals
Speaker:follow pretty much the same design.
Speaker:So we birth like the zebras and the gorillas.
Speaker:It's not it's not.
Speaker:Actually very different at all,
Speaker:other than our neocortex yeah and so the design of birth is meant
Speaker:for the mother and the baby to experience euphoria and bliss in a
Speaker:way that, you know, we could break down the hormones and all of the
Speaker:physiological, you know, setup of it.
Speaker:But what I want to say before we dive into that is, you know, it's
Speaker:no, it's not surprising to me that in patriarchy where women have
Speaker:been property and enslaved, you know, everything that we know
Speaker:about the history of patriarchy, that the successful eradication of
Speaker:one of our most significant power, points you know, in our life has
Speaker:been not allowed, right? Has been completely taken.
Speaker:Or attempted to be, I mean, obviously it's still, it's still
Speaker:going on. Yeah, and so.
Speaker:I guess I'll tie this into my story, which is to say that once I
Speaker:started to get language to all of this and, you know, really got
Speaker:clear that medical midwifery was not for me.
Speaker:And, you know, understanding my know helped me find my yes, which
Speaker:I think is important to say kind of in all areas of life because.
Speaker:Sometimes that's how you're yes comes in is to really know what
Speaker:doesn't feel good.
Speaker:And so I had no idea I was going
Speaker:to, you know, become who I am now with this work.
Speaker:But I knew I didn't want medical midwifery because of all the
Speaker:inherent sabotage and sister on sister violence and betrayal and
Speaker:all of that.
Speaker:And then obviously I'm not going
Speaker:to be in the system.
Speaker:So in my late twenties, I just put
Speaker:it all down.
Speaker:But I was very popular and so I
Speaker:was still getting a lot of requests and I went to my first
Speaker:interview. Putting everything down, and it
Speaker:just happened to be a couple that wanted to birth at home, but they
Speaker:couldn't afford a medical midwife and they didn't even particularly
Speaker:want one. And I heard myself say pretty much
Speaker:the unspoken not allowed words of Adoula, which was, well, if you
Speaker:wanted to just stay home and not hire anyone else, I would totally
Speaker:come and, you know, support you guys as best as I can.
Speaker:And they were like, yes.
Speaker:And I was like yes.
Speaker:And so that was my first birth after.
Speaker:You know, hundreds and hundreds of births in captivity.
Speaker:That was the first wild birth I had ever seen, and I'm bringing
Speaker:that up now because it was like the first time I was seeing birth,
Speaker:even though I had spent almost 1010 years at that point,
Speaker:witnessing humans come out of humans, you know, but to watch
Speaker:birth completely unmanaged.
Speaker:With no assessment and diagnosis
Speaker:to watch. The woman not have to game out
Speaker:when to transfer or, you know, feel worried about the rules and
Speaker:regs that we're going to influence her birth.
Speaker:I mean just to give birth like the wild animal that she is.
Speaker:With no containment outside of, you know, the spiritual
Speaker:containment that I was providing, which really is authentic
Speaker:midwifery to me.
Speaker:It was contagious.
Speaker:It was unforgettable.
Speaker:And I watched her, you know,
Speaker:travel through the underworld and her self doubt and you know, all
Speaker:of the stuff that pretty much comes up for all of us when we
Speaker:birth and access power, you know, access like real power and bring
Speaker:her baby, you know, here.
Speaker:And so from that, moving forward,
Speaker:just to contextualize this anecdotally, because I feel like
Speaker:people always remember stories better than then, you know,
Speaker:statistics and all that.
Speaker:I've seen women.
Speaker:Healed after physiological births.
Speaker:I've seen, you know, women who
Speaker:have been making themselves throw up after meals for 9 years, you
Speaker:know, or since high school have a physiological birth, have a, you
Speaker:know, birth outside the system.
Speaker:And stop self harming.
Speaker:I mean that's huge.
Speaker:You know, I've seen women, tons of
Speaker:women including myself stop, you know, stop shaving and stop
Speaker:wearing makeup and stop wearing high heels and stop doing these
Speaker:self harming. You know, rituals that we're
Speaker:trained to do from little girls.
Speaker:And yeah, so, like the potential
Speaker:of impact is quite large when a rite of passage is met with the
Speaker:reverence you know that it deserves, right?
Speaker:So does that mean that if that you can have a free birth and
Speaker:everything is going to change? Of course not.
Speaker:But what it means is that when you experience these kind of.
Speaker:Portals or rites of passage, you know that I think are intended for
Speaker:the human spiritual evolution and experience.
Speaker:The potential for great transformation is now there.
Speaker:Are you going to claim that potential or not?
Speaker:Well, I don't know.
Speaker:That's up to you.
Speaker:And you know, for some women I see their needle move slowly.
Speaker:I know lots of women who free birth and are in abusive
Speaker:relationships, for example, and it's a big deal that they did this
Speaker:one thing, but they still have to really clean up their life, right?
Speaker:Because they're still in a super toxic, scary dynamic, and so the
Speaker:needle might move real slowly.
Speaker:Whereas other women will like,
Speaker:shed everything and burn their shitty life to the ground and
Speaker:have, you know, major transformation really quickly.
Speaker:So it's certainly not a guaranteed recipe or any of that, but you
Speaker:know what I mean, that it's these like, it creates the potential for
Speaker:enormous transformation.
Speaker:And it's very similar, you know,
Speaker:to me, it really helps.
Speaker:I like to teach this through the
Speaker:lens of sex because it's very similar in lots of ways, but if we
Speaker:think about.
Speaker:Let's say a young woman and her
Speaker:first sexual experience.
Speaker:Could be on the spectrum of gang
Speaker:rape, which many women I love.
Speaker:That's their first experience,
Speaker:being drugged and raped.
Speaker:Ok, so that's, you know, as bad as
Speaker:it gets or somewhere in the arena.
Speaker:I mean, I guess we could come up
Speaker:with ways it's worse but pretty bad, pretty horrific.
Speaker:And then all the way to the other end of the spectrum of a first
Speaker:sexual experience could be, you know, thankfully, more what I had,
Speaker:which was, you know, fumbling through with my very best friend.
Speaker:My partner of five years in high school and just total love and
Speaker:respect and playfulness and communication and just kind of a
Speaker:best case scenario of play and sweetness and safety and the
Speaker:difference of how a woman, a young woman, emerges out of either of
Speaker:these ends of the spectrum.
Speaker:And of course there's anything,
Speaker:you know, everything in between really determines a lot for who
Speaker:that woman becomes.
Speaker:How she relates to her body, what
Speaker:her sexual patterns become for the rest of her life and so on.
Speaker:It's the same thing with birth, right?
Speaker:Birth kind of makes or breaks you, just like sex does.
Speaker:You know? It really determines a lot of how
Speaker:you show up in the world, how you feel about yourself and what
Speaker:happens next. Do you feel like that's the same
Speaker:for? Because I know you've spoken about
Speaker:the woman.
Speaker:I mean that to for the baby as
Speaker:well, right? Like so being birthed into?
Speaker:A medical environment of trauma and pain and just like all the
Speaker:stuff that's going on and then all being both where your mum's all
Speaker:relaxed and she's laughing with the husband and then like going
Speaker:through, I mean, there's got her and so how?
Speaker:I don't know what do we do about that, acknowledging that most
Speaker:people in the world right now have come through the portal in that
Speaker:way. Yeah, I mean, we don't care about
Speaker:babies in our society, you know, like babies are seen as these.
Speaker:Like blobs that lack intelligence and sentience.
Speaker:And, I mean, people still circumcise their sons, you know?
Speaker:I mean, whoa, like, that is crazy.
Speaker:Like, we are actively hurting our
Speaker:babies, you know, worldwide in all sorts of different ways.
Speaker:And so, you know, babies are an extension of the mother, right?
Speaker:And so for as long as we're abusing mothers, we're abusing
Speaker:babies. It's not, it's not gonna be, you
Speaker:know, we're not going to make a distinction there because our
Speaker:babies are. Us but, yes i mean i, think you're
Speaker:speaking to the kind of.
Speaker:Obvious and inherent trauma that
Speaker:is blanketing this planet when the vast majority of.
Speaker:Us are coming into the world.
Speaker:Through violence, you know, and to
Speaker:be clear again, like, I'm not being dramatic, what I mean, you
Speaker:know, I would call incredibly violent when a, you know, when a
Speaker:mother is drugged and numbed and disassociated from her body and,
Speaker:you know, strapped to a bed, has a catheter inside her because she
Speaker:can't walk, you know, to release her bladder and she's literally
Speaker:high on fentanyl or morphine and a stranger who she's never met
Speaker:before is going to come in and cut her premium.
Speaker:And extract a baby with instruments and then the baby will
Speaker:be cut from the mother not getting, you know, all of the
Speaker:placental blood transfusion that is intended, which is enormously
Speaker:important and the baby you know is received into glove latex, you
Speaker:know, hands by strangers.
Speaker:It's the first you know, touch of
Speaker:physical environment is gloved by strangers and then cut and the
Speaker:baby is taken over to a little plastic bin where strangers who
Speaker:are masked and you know all look like.
Speaker:And aliens are, you know, deep suctioning the baby and, you know,
Speaker:putting tubes up the nose and down into the throat to clear the baby
Speaker:out as if they're not about to do that themselves.
Speaker:And wrapping the baby up and having the baby.
Speaker:And if they're lucky, now the baby comes over to the mother, who is
Speaker:now being shot full of pharmaceuticals to force her
Speaker:uterus, you know, to contract while the doctor is putting his
Speaker:hand, you know, all the way in his forearm inside of her to manually
Speaker:remove the placenta, you know, while the baby now has no smell.
Speaker:Being emitted because they're completely covered up and the
Speaker:mother is drugged receiving this bundle of cloth.
Speaker:And that's just like a normal birth for most of us.
Speaker:That is a horrific picture.
Speaker:Yeah, it's horrific.
Speaker:Not even section, you know? Well, I was going to say so.
Speaker:C-section like, for anyone who is listening, who might be like, oh,
Speaker:that sounds like an extreme case I.
Speaker:Just it's like.
Speaker:30 thirty 30 % plus of births in
Speaker:America. In America are C sections and in
Speaker:South Africa the number is closer to 70 % are C sections.
Speaker:So if, and I mean anyway it's.
Speaker:All over the world.
Speaker:I mean Brazil is like 90 Dominican Republic.
Speaker:Is like 90 plus.
Speaker:Costa Rica's over 60.
Speaker:I mean, it's very high.
Speaker:Russia has a crazy high.
Speaker:I can't remember if I want to say the wrong thing, but yeah.
Speaker:What was your question about C sections?
Speaker:No, just saying that for anyone listening who might think that the
Speaker:story you've shared is sounds like an extreme case.
Speaker:It's like that's not that's what's happening and totally average.
Speaker:It's like how important it is to note where we are right now and
Speaker:then also acknowledging because it's interesting, because I hear
Speaker:you talk about that and then I see the way that you act and what how
Speaker:do you stay.
Speaker:How have you stayed so not just
Speaker:hopeful, but action oriented like you?
Speaker:You have helped tens of thousands of women around the world to birth
Speaker:in a completely different way.
Speaker:That includes things like bliss
Speaker:and safety and connection and joy like how do you?
Speaker:What is it that drives you in that way?
Speaker:Yeah, well, what else are we going to do?
Speaker:That's not really my personality to just complain.
Speaker:But before I answer that question, I just, I want to offer one more
Speaker:thing I think that might be helpful for wrapping people's
Speaker:brains around. This is from a biological design
Speaker:perspective. You know, these babies us are not
Speaker:being born intact.
Speaker:And what I mean by that is there
Speaker:is a hormonal matrix, there is a biological sequence for optimal
Speaker:mother baby thriving.
Speaker:Ok. And we can talk, we can get
Speaker:back to that if you want because I'm happy to explain that, but
Speaker:it's not very complicated.
Speaker:It's just that when you understand
Speaker:how medical birth works, it interrupts that sequence at every
Speaker:stage. And so we are not born intact.
Speaker:Our hormonal matrix is not born intact.
Speaker:So just to like make so that can make sense, for example, with a
Speaker:C-section baby. When a baby goes down through the
Speaker:vaginal canal, they're getting their cranium is getting pressure,
Speaker:right, it's going down through the canal, and there's all these cool
Speaker:sequences that happen, but one of the things that happens is the
Speaker:pressure on the cranium will essentially alert to release a
Speaker:hormone that once the baby is born, the hormone will now start
Speaker:to have a smell that comes out the fontanel the soft spot of the
Speaker:baby's head. And so then when the.
Speaker:Mother, just naturally because she's holding her baby smells that
Speaker:it triggers her production of milk.
Speaker:And so there's all these sequences like that.
Speaker:That's just one of them.
Speaker:I mean, there's tons.
Speaker:And it'll just blow your mind and just make you fall in love with
Speaker:life, you know, because it's so perfect and it's so profound and
Speaker:it's so beautiful.
Speaker:And as a as a midwife, I see the
Speaker:difference in babies who have the full intact sequence right.
Speaker:And then I see the difference and the challenges and I want to say
Speaker:here, like, you're not just like fucked if you didn't get your full
Speaker:sequence or if you had a traumatic birth and.
Speaker:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker:Well, I mean, you know, like we do
Speaker:have to start somewhere and humans are amazing.
Speaker:And we're so our capacity to spontaneously heal is always here,
Speaker:you know, and so.
Speaker:You know, we want.
Speaker:I think that the healthy framing of this is yes be devastated and
Speaker:be, you know, so upset about what's happening and what we've
Speaker:missed and then move on, you know and do better and adapt and heal
Speaker:and create better, you know.
Speaker:So that's all we can do.
Speaker:We are where we are in our story yeah and so how I keep going is
Speaker:one of my favorite commitments that I work with is this
Speaker:commitment that says, are you willing to be the resolution that
Speaker:you want to see? And I use that a lot when I hear
Speaker:myself complaining. I used it a lot during the COVID,
Speaker:you know, nonsense, because that felt very terrifying to me in a
Speaker:way that I had never felt before.
Speaker:And I spent a couple months
Speaker:complaining and freaking out and judging everyone and criticizing
Speaker:everyone and creating lots of disconnect in some of my
Speaker:relationships. And then I remembered that
Speaker:commitment and was like, well, what would be in the resolution
Speaker:look like? Like what?
Speaker:What would that even be, you know? And that's what brought me here to
Speaker:65 Acres of beautiful land with independent water and you know, in
Speaker:a town that never masked and like, I'm living the resolution with my
Speaker:family that we wanted, you know, to see we created it somewhere.
Speaker:And so it's the same thing with birth, you know, it's the same
Speaker:thing with everything that I do you want to complain or do you
Speaker:want to do the thing? And it's not hard, you know?
Speaker:It would be way harder to know about the horrors and not do
Speaker:anything about it.
Speaker:That's weird.
Speaker:And then what we have on our side is biology.
Speaker:You know, this is what I say to women all the time when they're
Speaker:like, I'm really afraid of birth.
Speaker:You know, what do I do about that?
Speaker:Like, what's it matter? Who cares?
Speaker:Be afraid.
Speaker:A baby is coming out of your
Speaker:vagina. One way or another, it doesn't
Speaker:matter. If you're afraid, it's fine.
Speaker:Who's not afraid? It's fine.
Speaker:It's literally not a big deal.
Speaker:Just don't self sabotage yourself
Speaker:right you can totally be afraid.
Speaker:Just stay home.
Speaker:Your body will run a whole sequence.
Speaker:Your baby will emerge, you know, from your vagina.
Speaker:You will catch your baby and you will have.
Speaker:You know, evolved from the fear that's, you know, 4 generations
Speaker:deep in your system.
Speaker:You know, it's fine.
Speaker:And one of my favorite quotes is from one of my girlfriends,
Speaker:Yolanda. She says I feel fear, but I'm not
Speaker:afraid. And I love that so much.
Speaker:Like, can we just feel the fear? But that feels real different than
Speaker:being afraid.
Speaker:Yeah, so I think when you know
Speaker:these paradigms are so interesting because when you.
Speaker:When I have chosen to actually put.
Speaker:My whole life into creating the paradigm I want to see in the
Speaker:world, everything got really easy.
Speaker:I started making more money than
Speaker:I've ever made.
Speaker:The women showed up.
Speaker:The clarity came like it just got really easy.
Speaker:And the big psychological shift I made very purposefully because I
Speaker:wanted to see what it would be like to run a business this way
Speaker:was. And the kind of question I played
Speaker:with at the start of FBS was what would it feel like to run a
Speaker:business and do my work in the world without trying to convince
Speaker:anyone? Because pretty much everything I
Speaker:was doing in the birth world prior was trying to convince women not
Speaker:to go to the hospital.
Speaker:Which didn't work.
Speaker:You know, they all still went.
Speaker:It didn't work yeah and so that
Speaker:has, yeah, it's been pretty great.
Speaker:And it feels really different.
Speaker:In my system, I have so much more creativity and spaciousness, and
Speaker:boundaries are easier.
Speaker:Like, everything's just easier now
Speaker:that my.
Speaker:Like the psychology of my work for
Speaker:myself is I'm just kind of over here celebrating and doing my
Speaker:thing. And whoever wants to come play
Speaker:with me over here is totally welcome to.
Speaker:And if you don't like, great, best of luck.
Speaker:There's no savior complex anymore.
Speaker:And you know, I realized
Speaker:essentially that my hero.
Speaker:You know, my savior was
Speaker:unsustainable and it was actually fundamentally disempowering to the
Speaker:women, you know, that I was trying to serve.
Speaker:And so learning the tools of how to step out of that and create a
Speaker:non hierarchical midwifery practice and, you know, run all
Speaker:these different. Branches of this incredible
Speaker:platform from this.
Speaker:Like real respect and trust in
Speaker:women. And that they don't need to be
Speaker:saved. Like yes, it's horrific what's
Speaker:happening, but. They also can choose something
Speaker:else. And so I want to be a part of, you
Speaker:know, the paradigm that it gets as big as possible where finding
Speaker:those other options are as easy as possible.
Speaker:And that's what's happened with the podcast that I've done for the
Speaker:last five years is, you know, women.
Speaker:Just hearing that this many women just say no thanks, I'm going to
Speaker:just stay home.
Speaker:Has created, you know, a level of
Speaker:impact that I didn't I didn't know would happen.
Speaker:You know, it's just taken off like wildfire and I think that's a good
Speaker:reminder of how easy all of this is, because we have biology on our
Speaker:side, we have nature on our side, we have life on our side, right?
Speaker:So being in alignment with life.
Speaker:Is such a personal spiritual
Speaker:choice. And to enact natures biology
Speaker:through, you know, a woman's body.
Speaker:It's like a pretty simple choice
Speaker:to make in a lot of ways.
Speaker:Does that make sense?
Speaker:Oh, absolutely. yeah you've given me so many little pods I'd like to
Speaker:follow. I don't know if we'll which one
Speaker:will stick but the one is just to reflect and say that when I heard
Speaker:you speaking a moment ago, it resonated deeply around the place.
Speaker:I've written these poems that I wrote over the last few years like
Speaker:that we are already free poem that I shared.
Speaker:Everything you've just said was exactly because I when the whole
Speaker:like COVID thing kicked off at first I was like, here's these
Speaker:other stats, here's these things you should know.
Speaker:This doesn't make sense.
Speaker:Look, it doesn't make sense and it
Speaker:just caused.
Speaker:So much polarity.
Speaker:I was trying to convince people and show you and I realize like
Speaker:it. Within a few weeks I was like, I'm
Speaker:exhausted. I don't wanna do this anymore.
Speaker:And I just, I just went quiet, like I just shut.
Speaker:I shut up.
Speaker:But then I kept feeling this thing
Speaker:I'm like, well I still have truth.
Speaker:That is my truth.
Speaker:And how can I do it differently? And when the poems started coming
Speaker:through, it was exactly that.
Speaker:It wasn't to try and say you're
Speaker:wrong. It was just to say here is my
Speaker:story and if anyone else wants to come play like exactly what you
Speaker:just said, really resonate with that so it's beautiful to hear
Speaker:that impulse is such a universal impulse that if someone is feeling
Speaker:that impulse in themselves, not to prove other people wrong, but to
Speaker:embody fully their own truth, that that's really a valuable impulse
Speaker:to follow, that that's probably the one worth following.
Speaker:Well and I mean that's maturity right like that's a mature thing
Speaker:to do, to just kind of focus on your own business and put that
Speaker:out, right. That's like emotionally
Speaker:intelligent and mature.
Speaker:And so of course, good things come
Speaker:out of that.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah. And then you said
Speaker:around like the tools and the techniques etcetera that you use
Speaker:to build this business that you've done.
Speaker:So just on a practical level like what are the even just one of them
Speaker:a thing that has really been critical in you being able to
Speaker:sharpen the world? Say that you do.
Speaker:Well I work with, I worked with the same mentor since I was in my
Speaker:mid twenties and she's one of the main coaches of this company
Speaker:called the Conscious Leadership Group and so their website is
Speaker:conscious. Dot IS so anyone can check them
Speaker:out and they have lots of cool free resources and videos and
Speaker:stuff. So she is in the gay and Katie
Speaker:Hendricks lineage, the Byron Katie lineage, lots of amazing people.
Speaker:And so essentially she has taught me a framework to.
Speaker:Step out of blame helplessness, save your complex and how to be
Speaker:like we just said, kind of returning to my business and
Speaker:working with these 15 commitments.
Speaker:So there's this book anyone can
Speaker:get called the 15 commitments of conscious leadership.
Speaker:And it's kind of a funny book because it's written for the
Speaker:corporate world. So you kind of have to look past,
Speaker:you know, the examples will be like Henry's late on the supply
Speaker:chain at the factory, you know? And in the boardroom, the CEO's
Speaker:upset. Like, it's kind of silly and
Speaker:doesn't relate to my life at all right.
Speaker:So, you know, if you can kind of get past that, it's an incredible
Speaker:book and it teaches these 15 commitments, which they didn't
Speaker:necessarily make up.
Speaker:They just compiled a bunch of
Speaker:amazing tools yeah and so there are things like a commitment to
Speaker:taking responsibility and so really unpacking that concept and
Speaker:understanding how to apply that to my life, certainly not just in
Speaker:birth work. But in my marriage, in my
Speaker:mothering, in my social dynamics, my relationship to money, my
Speaker:relationship to my body, I mean, everything is material for these
Speaker:tools. And I got pretty obsessed with
Speaker:them in my mid twenties and yeah, just made a real commitment to
Speaker:them. It felt like I was finding the
Speaker:Holy Grail. It felt like.
Speaker:I tried all sorts of therapies and different modalities and, you
Speaker:know, I had a daily sodna practice and I was doing kundalini every
Speaker:day. And, you know, I was so
Speaker:enlightened and yet, you know, still had.
Speaker:Still felt quite victimized by others or felt, you know, really
Speaker:controlled by my own righteousness or whatever it was.
Speaker:And so these tools gave me really quick, applicable ways to shift
Speaker:out of those and into, yeah, radical responsibility, self
Speaker:discovery. And so some of the questions I
Speaker:work with that I just love are.
Speaker:Like one is.
Speaker:How is what's happening for me? And if you're, if you're
Speaker:interested in trying on, you know, some exploration into radical
Speaker:responsibility, you have to kind of go out and find it because we
Speaker:are completely programmed and there's nothing wrong with this,
Speaker:but we're completely programmed from a survival consciousness to
Speaker:experience the world as it's happening to me, right?
Speaker:We're at the effect of it.
Speaker:We live in an almost entirely
Speaker:reactive state, and it's not all bad.
Speaker:It's reacting to positive stuff too, right?
Speaker:It's not all just doom and gloom, mental suffering or something, but
Speaker:it's still pretty much all.
Speaker:If you track it, you'll see a
Speaker:reactive state, and so this is a whole different arena to play in
Speaker:of it. They refer to these three states
Speaker:of consciousness. When you shift out of victim
Speaker:consciousness to me, consciousness you shift into either through me
Speaker:as me or by me consciousness and so.
Speaker:Yeah, that's kind of just what I've been playing with now for the
Speaker:last seven eight nine ten years of what does it feel like to own my
Speaker:commitment to blame? What does it feel like to own my
Speaker:commitment to feeling victimized by XYZ?
Speaker:And what does it feel like to look for how I created this, look for
Speaker:how what? You know what's here for me,
Speaker:what's here for my learning and.
Speaker:You know that's about as powerful
Speaker:as it gets.
Speaker:Because when you are living in a
Speaker:bind, me through me as me, state of consciousness, you're
Speaker:completely allied with your life, like everything that happens.
Speaker:Can be played with, right? Everything that happens.
Speaker:Every hate mail I get, every person that betrays me, every, you
Speaker:know worry about money.
Speaker:Every single thing that happens.
Speaker:Is part of this playground right? So yeah, it's lots of fun, and it
Speaker:just gets more fun the more you do it.
Speaker:And that's pretty much where I hang out.
Speaker:And so I wanted to see what a business would look like kind of
Speaker:based on, yeah, taking radical responsibility being the
Speaker:resolution, which is one of the commitments.
Speaker:And I'm not saying I don't like still villainize like, obviously I
Speaker:do, but the maturity and, like, the skill for me has lied in
Speaker:owning it. You know?
Speaker:Like, I'm not confused anymore.
Speaker:I know when I'm blaming.
Speaker:I know when I'm victimizing.
Speaker:I know when I'm heroine.
Speaker:And once you like my mentor says, conscious people know when they're
Speaker:below the line is the term they use and get willing to shift.
Speaker:And that's amazing like, that's all.
Speaker:That's all.
Speaker:That's the trick.
Speaker:You know? That's the generic shit right
Speaker:there. A young padawan.
Speaker:Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker:That's beautiful.
Speaker:So i really only have one more question for you, that is, and I'm
Speaker:curious to know.
Speaker:So as a man, as a penis Harrow,
Speaker:sorry, I couldn't resist umm.
Speaker:How do you see men?
Speaker:Responding to this movement, to the Free Bird society, like, how
Speaker:is it? Because I have.
Speaker:I mean I actually fortunately, you know, we've just moved to a new
Speaker:area here and I think all of our friends are free birthing or at
Speaker:least home birthing with extreme like even one of my friends has
Speaker:just done the radical birth keepers.
Speaker:And so, like, it's a Baron Daniel.
Speaker:Oh yeah cool yeah, you live in her
Speaker:area. Yeah, yeah. So I've known Baron
Speaker:and Peter. They have been hugely influential
Speaker:in my life and we've been friends now for quite many years.
Speaker:And my fiance and I moved to this area specifically because there's
Speaker:a good crew of folks here.
Speaker:It's one of the main reasons
Speaker:because we just were a bit isolated where we were before,
Speaker:totally. And so it feels amazing because we
Speaker:haven't yet had a child and we're super keen and it's like on the
Speaker:cards, definitely in the next, like, I don't know, 18 months, I
Speaker:guess. I don't exactly know, but yeah.
Speaker:And so to be out here and have that support and I guess for
Speaker:myself, like, I'm one of the beautiful parts of seeing the
Speaker:videos, and obviously I focus on this because I'm a dude, but like
Speaker:watching how the men who are with their women when they're birthing
Speaker:there is a there's a fucking vibe.
Speaker:Like it's a vibe.
Speaker:And so just from your side, like how is that for men?
Speaker:I don't know if you can speak to that at all.
Speaker:Well, I mean, the short answer is it depends on your level of
Speaker:internalized misogyny. Ok, interesting.
Speaker:Now so like the misogynists don't like this right wait,
Speaker:Explain that. I don't.
Speaker:I don't get that, Tommy.
Speaker:Well, you know, massage, you know, misogyny is.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah right so essentially anti woman's liberation, right?
Speaker:So men who are narcissists, you know, entitled, run the household,
Speaker:very patriarchal.
Speaker:You know, everything centers
Speaker:around them. They like to control their women,
Speaker:you know, they run the show, you know, like, obviously I'm talking
Speaker:about a lot of men out there.
Speaker:They are not 13.
Speaker:Yeah, they're not too keen on women or their women.
Speaker:You know, going rogue, essentially, and.
Speaker:Cultivating, you know, ecstatic, let you know, layers of confidence
Speaker:and embodiment.
Speaker:So it really does it really, I
Speaker:mean it sincerely, like, it really depends on the level of misogyny
Speaker:that the man carries, how he orients around this, you know, so
Speaker:the spectrum is quite wide.
Speaker:I mean lots of men have fear
Speaker:around this and concern and I do feel compassion for like the
Speaker:average bear because they were not raised.
Speaker:Trusting birth, trusting women.
Speaker:You know, we're in a very anti
Speaker:woman culture, you know, in these respects.
Speaker:And so, yeah, lots of fathers to be feel very nervous about
Speaker:birthing without medical providers.
Speaker:It kind of seems like men go in two different directions once
Speaker:they've seen their women be traumatized in the system.
Speaker:The majority of them don't understand why the woman wouldn't
Speaker:go back, which is very odd to me.
Speaker:But there is such a deep level of.
Speaker:Ok, this is kind of a tangent, but it's like through the lens of
Speaker:misogyny. I would explain it this way, that
Speaker:men unconsciously, very frequently do not understand how a woman
Speaker:could birth without management.
Speaker:And so someone needs to be in
Speaker:charge of her.
Speaker:And when you take a doctor away,
Speaker:then it means it's got to be him.
Speaker:And so all these men, frequently I
Speaker:talked to them all the time, are like, well, I'm not a midwife.
Speaker:And they're completely missing the third option, which is crazy, but
Speaker:she could actually be in charge of herself, right.
Speaker:She's actually an adult, like it's so, it's so offensive.
Speaker:But you know, we have to kind of presence that we have many
Speaker:generations of this idea forming that a woman in labor is
Speaker:hysterical. You know, that birth is just death
Speaker:waiting around the corner.
Speaker:That it's so dangerous, that you
Speaker:know, and the like fabric of our society says that women can't be
Speaker:trusted and women, you know, can't make their own decisions.
Speaker:I mean, it's very alive today, so.
Speaker:That's why it's kind of some
Speaker:context under why I said it really does depend on your level of
Speaker:misogyny. It's OK to feel nervousness, of
Speaker:course, but birth is a woman's game.
Speaker:You know, men are not birthing.
Speaker:Men, if invited, have the enormous
Speaker:privilege to witness something, you know, quite unique and quite
Speaker:special. And it is incredible to see.
Speaker:I would say most fathers I have been with in birth are quite
Speaker:awkward and don't know what they're doing and so it is nice to
Speaker:have. Another woman there kind of
Speaker:helping massage the energetics of the house.
Speaker:But also, of course, I've seen like my partner was amazing and
Speaker:was the quiet tree.
Speaker:Didn't say a word, but held a lot
Speaker:of energetic space for me.
Speaker:Never wavered.
Speaker:You know, never furrowed a brow at me.
Speaker:Was just.
Speaker:The tree and that.
Speaker:That's been an analogy.
Speaker:I use a lot with fathers because I
Speaker:coach a lot of fathers.
Speaker:You know how to support their
Speaker:women and that's the vision i you know, offer it to you if in case
Speaker:we never talk again that that's kind of your role, you know with
Speaker:your partner is.
Speaker:You know, she's like the fairy
Speaker:who's going to fly in and out of the tree and she's gonna fly out
Speaker:to the cosmos or go down to the underworld.
Speaker:And it's a lot.
Speaker:She's got a lot of work to do and
Speaker:it's going to be crazy.
Speaker:And, you know, it might be very
Speaker:physical. She might be pooping and puking
Speaker:and crying and begging for help, or she might be like gone and she
Speaker:might be, you know, having like a full on psychedelic experience or
Speaker:a little bit of both and.
Speaker:Your role, you know, as the father
Speaker:of the partner umm.
Speaker:I think of it for myself as a
Speaker:birth attendant is like, to be this oak tree that is very in the
Speaker:room. I'm not birthing.
Speaker:You're not birthing.
Speaker:And so it's not our job to fly all
Speaker:around and be ungrounded and be untethered.
Speaker:And we're not going to the cosmos to bring this little soul here.
Speaker:We're not, like, in dialogue with the spirit world.
Speaker:We're here in the room.
Speaker:And so how do we hold that space
Speaker:and, you know, feel our, you know, like the tether from our spinal
Speaker:cord going all the way down into the earth and feeling really held.
Speaker:By the physicality of your home and the earth.
Speaker:And I think of this tether, you know, from the from the partner's
Speaker:heart, you know, out to the woman so that she can kind of fly away.
Speaker:But she still has a tether here so that it's fine wherever she needs
Speaker:to go. Even if she needs, like, lose her
Speaker:mind for a while, it's fine because we have her and we're
Speaker:going to stay in the room umm.
Speaker:Yeah, because especially now that
Speaker:I've had a child that shit gets crazy.
Speaker:It is very psychedelic and who it is really wild in that altered
Speaker:state of consciousness and my husband Johnny really just knew
Speaker:how to root down and hold and not disrupt, not ask, not disturb
Speaker:ever. He just held it and it he didn't
Speaker:make it about him.
Speaker:And that's I see men who are used
Speaker:to having things made about them.
Speaker:Maybe they're very emotional,
Speaker:maybe they're very self involved, maybe they're very nervous, maybe
Speaker:they're very insecure and they don't know how to step out of that
Speaker:and just let this be about her.
Speaker:You know, and of course, like
Speaker:you're having an experience, you're becoming a father, you're
Speaker:getting to witness the miracle of life, like you're a part of it, of
Speaker:course, but.
Speaker:She's literally doing all of the
Speaker:work, you know, the spiritual work, the physical work, the
Speaker:social work, like all of it, you know?
Speaker:And so anything we can do to.
Speaker:Step back and see what happens
Speaker:when a woman becoming mother is truly centered.
Speaker:It's just magnificent and it sets her up for a blissful postpartum,
Speaker:you know, blissful mothering relationship anyway.
Speaker:So yeah, i think with good intention.
Speaker:Men can show up and be really awesome, but it requires some
Speaker:serious maturity to contend with, the parts of it that scares you,
Speaker:and the parts you want to control.
Speaker:And the parts that aren't about
Speaker:you? That's kind of where I see men
Speaker:struggle beautiful thank you so much.
Speaker:That a lot of that resonates with me around my own work in showing
Speaker:up in the world and how I show up in my own shadow.
Speaker:And I can hear a lot of reflections in there that are of
Speaker:value to me and I hope for any other men who have listened to
Speaker:this. So yeah.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Thank you, Emily.
Speaker:It's you're welcome.
Speaker:It's a real pleasure.
Speaker:And if there is any last thing that you'd like to share, just
Speaker:something that maybe for those who are at the beginning of this kind
Speaker:of journey of realizing that things aren't what we've been told
Speaker:and that they actually have to.
Speaker:Be responsible for it all.
Speaker:And like, how intense that can be.
Speaker:Well, yeah, it's true.
Speaker:The invitation.
Speaker:Once you have the invitation, it's
Speaker:like it's anyway.
Speaker:So yeah, just any.
Speaker:Like, I would yeah i mean, I would just plug how to find me so that
Speaker:if you're into this, you can just dive in.
Speaker:You know, there's so many different ways to interact with my
Speaker:work in the world and the women that I work with.
Speaker:We've referenced the podcast throughout.
Speaker:And so that's a free resource, obviously, that you can find.
Speaker:It's just called the free Birth Society podcast and that has five
Speaker:seasons. We're heading into our sixth
Speaker:season primarily of women sharing births outside the system and
Speaker:they're very redemptive yeah and how many flavors it can look to
Speaker:learn to take responsibility and say yes to what you really want
Speaker:and in your life and creating the family dynamic that you want.
Speaker:So we have the podcast is amazing.
Speaker:And then we have a private
Speaker:membership where I hang out.
Speaker:That's, you know, for women only.
Speaker:And you don't have to be a mother to join.
Speaker:And we have the complete guide to free birth, which is an incredible
Speaker:course that breaks all of this down from a childbirth education,
Speaker:you know, lens.
Speaker:And then you reference the radical
Speaker:birth keeper school, which is an authentic midwifery program that I
Speaker:teach with one of my business partners.
Speaker:Her name is Yolanda Norris Clark.
Speaker:And it's just incredible.
Speaker:And it's really breaking down a lot of the stuff and way more
Speaker:detail and learning how to cultivate the self.
Speaker:Authority to do this work in the world if you're called towards
Speaker:authentic midwifery and yeah.
Speaker:Lots of stuff.
Speaker:You can just go to freebirthsociety.com
Speaker:freebirthsociety.com thank you so much.
Speaker:But yeah, I will definitely share all the links that you've shared
Speaker:in the show notes and make sure that everyone gets total access to
Speaker:all of that.
Speaker:And you know, your Instagram is
Speaker:also a great starting place for anyone who's kind of wanting to
Speaker:dip their toes into that world.
Speaker:And I don't know if you have time,
Speaker:but I wanted to offer you something just as a thank you from
Speaker:me to you.
Speaker:I would like to play you a song
Speaker:and it's totally fine if you don't have time or if you aren't into
Speaker:it, but let me know.
Speaker:Go for it.
Speaker:I'm free till noon, yeah fantastic.
Speaker:So this is a song that is called radical and it's actually a song
Speaker:that connected me with the lovely Freya.
Speaker:Who I think you guys are connected.
Speaker:Very fair kellett i don't know how to say her surname, but anyway,
Speaker:she. This is a song that I've been
Speaker:thinking about for a long time.
Speaker:And it was again, in response to
Speaker:everything that's unfolding right now or has been unfolding for
Speaker:generations, actually. And that's this last COVID thing
Speaker:for me was like a real kick in the ass to actually see, like, I'm
Speaker:not, I'm not, I'm not in for that.
Speaker:I'm in for this.
Speaker:And yeah.
Speaker:And so this is the song that kind
Speaker:of talks to that, and that's why it's called radical.
Speaker:And also it was, it was amber of mythic medicine who told me that
Speaker:the word radical is that which rises from the root.
Speaker:Of that which comes from the root.
Speaker:And I just think it's such a
Speaker:powerful reclamation of language to reclaim a word like that.
Speaker:So yes, thank you.
Speaker:This is for you, just honoring you
Speaker:and your work in the world.
Speaker:And thank you so much.
Speaker:It doesn't matter what you say or do.
Speaker:I already feel true.
Speaker:Blossoming real deep inside of me.
Speaker:Radical is bearing fruit, so I'll say this with our love to you.
Speaker:Fuck you if you think I'll uproot myself just to play a part in your
Speaker:living hell.
Speaker:Fuck you if you think I'll sink in
Speaker:the light, I rise for light and life.
Speaker:As the fruit contains a living sea, our mother will restore.
Speaker:Act on this and we're already free.
Speaker:Maria, raise your ears.
Speaker:Raise your roar once more.
Speaker:Fuck you if you think I'll uproot myself just to play a part in your
Speaker:living head.
Speaker:Fuck you if you think I'll sink in
Speaker:the lie I rise for light.
Speaker:Please don't mistake me for
Speaker:replying, old fighter.
Speaker:I'm the heart of love.
Speaker:I'm shining brighter.
Speaker:If you misplaced or misaligned
Speaker:your power, join us.
Speaker:Sing it louder.
Speaker:Fuck you if you think I'll uproot myself.
Speaker:Just to play a part in your living hell.
Speaker:Fuck you think? Thank you, candlelight.
Speaker:I rise for light and light.
Speaker:Is that one titled fuck you?
Speaker:Maybe it should be.
Speaker:It's called radical, but maybe
Speaker:fuck you is a more appropriate title.
Speaker:I love it sketchy.
Speaker:That's awesome.
Speaker:Thank you again, Emily.
Speaker:Thank you and blessings on the
Speaker:path. I look forward to connecting again
Speaker:and I hope to have you back on here someday when we can talk
Speaker:about wow remember back in the old days when people used to birth in
Speaker:hospitals? Oh my God, seriously, let me know
Speaker:when your girl gets pregnant and we'll talk.
Speaker:I definitely will.
Speaker:That'll be an exciting day.
Speaker:Thank you, Emily blessings all the best.
Speaker:Take care.
Speaker:Alright, beautiful people.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Thank you, thank you.
Speaker:What a blessing to share this with you Emily.
Speaker:Fantastic Free Birth society.
Speaker:Be sure to check them out at all
Speaker:the places you mentioned.
Speaker:You can find them on Instagram,
Speaker:free birthsociety.com etcetera. They've got loads of
Speaker:free epic stuff as well as paid phenomenal memberships for women
Speaker:and courses on birthing and all kinds of amazing, wonderful stuff.
Speaker:So thank you for this, for joining us, for this episode of we are
Speaker:already free, this beautiful simple remembrance that we can
Speaker:reclaim. Our sovereignty, we can reclaim
Speaker:that inalienable, inescapable truth, that we are already free,
Speaker:that we are the divine experiencing itself, and we come
Speaker:in through the portal of birth and it is critical how that happens,
Speaker:and it is critical that we reclaim that.
Speaker:And we take responsibility for that.
Speaker:At least that is the invitation.
Speaker:It is the choice.
Speaker:So thank you again to all of you.
Speaker:Please do be sure to check this
Speaker:podcast out further.
Speaker:Nathan dot Africa forward Slash
Speaker:podcast. There are going to be amazing
Speaker:guests coming up and I'm just so excited to be sharing this with
Speaker:you. I wish you well.
Speaker:Take care of yourselves.
Speaker:Take care of each other.
Speaker:And remember we are already free blessings hey there.
Speaker:This is Nathan again.
Speaker:Just one quick more thing.
Speaker:I that previous outro i recorded just after the session with Emily
Speaker:and I really just wanted to reiterate and request that this is
Speaker:the time.
Speaker:If you're still listening to this,
Speaker:please go to Apple Podcasts.
Speaker:Go to all the places where
Speaker:podcasts are. You can actually go to Nathan dot
Speaker:Africa forward Slash podcast and I will make sure there's a button
Speaker:there so you can easily go and subscribe and leave a review and
Speaker:share and all those things.
Speaker:It may seem like a small action to
Speaker:you. It'll take 30 seconds a minute,
Speaker:and what it will mean is that this podcast.
Speaker:Show up for many more people.
Speaker:Someone sees a review, they go,
Speaker:oh, that might be something I should listen to.
Speaker:Or if enough people review and subscribe in the first few weeks
Speaker:and months of this podcast, then it means it'll show up in the new
Speaker:and noteworthy parts of Apple Podcasts, which then could be seen
Speaker:by tens, if not hundreds of thousands of people who could then
Speaker:get these beautiful messages directly into their inboxes.
Speaker:I mean, what a phenomenal thing.
Speaker:This is so awesome.
Speaker:So please take that action.
Speaker:It makes a difference.
Speaker:It matters.
Speaker:And that really is it for today.
Speaker:So thank you.
Speaker:Again, it's been a real pleasure
Speaker:and I hope to hear from you sometime soon.
Speaker:It's one of the strange things about podcasting is I don't know
Speaker:who's out there, so find me on Nathan dot Africa forward Slash
Speaker:podcast. I'll have links to my socials.
Speaker:You can send me an email, you could leave me a voice note.
Speaker:I would love to hear from you and I would love to collaborate and Co
Speaker:create this podcast together.
Speaker:So thanks again.
Speaker:Blessings on your path.