00:00:08 Shreya: Welcome to sacred Harmony, where we slow down enough to hear what the heart, body and spirit may already be trying to say. I'm your host, Shreya, and today we are exploring a question that sounds simple but touches something very deep why we need to meditate. Joining me is Amita Sharma, a Buddhist monk and mindfulness teacher serving the greater Washington, DC community whose work brings ancient Buddhist wisdom into everyday emotional healing and modern life. In this episode, we'll talk about why the mind suffers the way it does, how meditation helps us relate differently to stress, anger, and emotional pain, and what listeners can begin to understand about inner peace in a very real, practical way. Welcome, Amita. I'm honored to have you on my show.

00:01:01 Amitha Khema: Ah, thank you, Shreya, and I'm happy to be in your show.

00:01:05 Shreya: Thank you so much. And before we get into the practice itself, I'd love to begin somewhere a bit human like. When people first come to you, what kind of pain or restlessness are they usually carrying? Even if they don't always have the words for it yet?

00:01:26 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So do you know that we are located in Washington DC? So DC means there are. There's so much of stress in everyone because of the, uh, maybe because of politics and the, the, the countries like, uh, uh, pretty fast moving. So because of that, when they come, uh, they, they often struggle with the stress and sometimes that, uh, problems related to the financial, uh, security and so on and so, and health and so on and so things. So, uh, so they are not coming just to meditate, but they are just coming to find a solution. What's going on in their mind? But, uh. So they just come to just to try something, not just to meditate, actually.

00:02:20 Shreya: I think there is something so tender in that because many people look functional on the outside while quietly carrying so much inside. And I think often they are need first not to advise, but a space where they can finally notice what has been happening with them.

00:02:42 Amitha Khema: Right. Yeah. That's true. I mean, yeah, please go ahead.

00:02:46 Shreya: No, you can go ahead if you want to say something.

00:02:49 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So actually so the the problem arises and probably not the problem arises. Problem stays in our mind because we try to find a solution from outside while the problem is deep within in ourselves. So that's where we need to understand if someone start meditate And that's where they correct themselves. Then when they participate to meditation program.

00:03:17 Shreya: Yeah. And also a lot of people think meditation means stopping thoughts, uh, being perfectly calm or somehow becoming good at silence. So what do people most often misunderstand about meditation?

00:03:34 Amitha Khema: Are they often misunderstand like they started like doing something like achieving a goal. So actually, when it comes to meditation, it's first is pure about mindfulness, pure awareness being here and rather than doing, trying to do something, because if they just starting trying to do something, that means they are putting their whole energy and then it's another way to stress themself and then they will frustrate when they don't get results. So the most misunderstanding, I would say like a start. Try to start it like doing something. While it should be first starting. Them to slow down and starting with doing nothing.

00:04:23 Shreya: Yeah, I think that's, uh. And also, like someone says, I tried meditating, but my mind was too busy. Uh, what do you want them to understand in that moment?

00:04:37 Amitha Khema: Yeah, actually. So that's the first thing anyone who who's going to meditate, that's the first thing they will realize within themselves that when they try to meditate, their mind wanders. And that's the first step. We call it like understanding the mind. So we have to understand that the usual way of the mind, which is wandering. So then when we look into it in another perspective, rather than worrying or frustrating or demanding our mind to be in this moment, here and now. In our break, we can gradually improve ourselves to the next level with the right teachings and guidance.

00:05:21 Shreya: I think that's such an important reframe, that a busy mind is not proof that meditation is failing. It may actually be the first honest meeting with what has been there all along. I think meditation is not about erasing the mind. It's about learning how to sit beside it without becoming imprisoned by it. And I think that's really beautiful.

00:05:48 Amitha Khema: Yeah. That's true. Like that's where people. The thing is, it takes some time people to understand because they just try to do it. Something like finishing a course or like a diploma also. But because of that, it takes some time for them to understand, okay, I'm doing the wrong way. even. I want to do the right meditation.

00:06:14 Shreya: Yeah. And from a Buddhist perspective, what tends to happen inside us? What, uh, that that creates so much unnecessary suffering, not just pain itself, but the way we keep adding to it.

00:06:31 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So that is the case that there's four universal truths. One is suffering and cause for the suffering and cessation of suffering and path to cessation of suffering. So yes, of course, as you said, there are pretty much sufferings in every life. So the reason is not someone else come and putting it in our head so that the attachment. So we when we have attached to things and when the world is that the things around us happening another way because of our attachment, it creates suffering. And that sufferings will, uh, we will, I will see that sufferings like, uh, departments of, uh, some grieving or different different way. But at the end of the day, we need to understand that wherever I have attached, we have, we should have, expect or we should expect sufferings, uh, in there. Then things change. And when things happening, not according to the way I wish.

00:07:36 Shreya: Yeah. And also, like, how does meditation begin to interrupt that cycle, especially, uh, the cycle where thoughts feel absolutely true, even when they may not be.

00:07:49 Amitha Khema: Yeah. Uh, so the medication helps us to understand what's going on. And then there are two types of meditation. So in Buddhism we call samatha and vipassana. The focused attention and insight, meditation focused attention allow us to be focused and see what's going on in our mind. So the Vipassana helped us to improve the insight. Improve the insight in that. Understand, because of our focus, we can clearly see what's going on and then we can improve our insight. To not to fall into that trap and, uh, walk away from that trap and be here and now and in which it allows us to be happy for no reason why, why do we need to be happy for no reason? If there's a reason to be happy when that reason change, of course it will. Uh, we will suffer in future.

00:08:50 Shreya: I think that's really beautiful. Like the stories, uh, in the might can be false, but the feelings they create are still very real. And so many people live inside reactions. So like, uh, to thoughts they have never, uh, paused enough to question. And I think meditation seems to offer that sacred pause, the space between the story and the suffering.

00:09:18 Amitha Khema: Right. So that it's like, you know, uh, stories, which creates in our head based on our perspective, our point of view to the people we like. There are group of people they don't like, the people we dislike. There are the other group of people they like. So stories are personal and our point of view, those perceptions are conditioned. But no matter whatever the story we believe in, but the feelings which creates are real and we feel that feeling. So that's where we that's the that's the important to understand what are the stories create in our head rather than being in the story. If we can see that story like a third person, like being outside and see the story without putting ourselves into it. So that's where we can overcome from that with the hard feelings. Because while believing the same story, it's impossible to overcome from hard feelings.

00:10:22 Shreya: Yes, I absolutely agree. And how do you see the absence of mindfulness show up in everyday life? Like, not in theory, but in relationships, like in stress, family conflict, even in the way we speak to ourselves.

00:10:39 Amitha Khema: Yeah, actually. So the common example is the way how the world's going on. Everyone seek happiness, but there is no seems to be happy are even or slight smiling where people face all those like fake smiles and only happiness they feel when they see others impressed about themselves. So that's, that's, that's where we can see that the lack of mindfulness and that's where This world leading. So if there is no mindfulness, there is no inner peace and happiness. If you don't have inner peace and happiness, then you try to be happy by using your ego. Ego. Ego is a kind of a thing. It does not have content in there like no satisfaction. Even whenever you achieve a goal, there is another goal to achieve. So in that way, uh, you, you won't feel fulfilled, but you will tired because there is no end in that view. And all the other thing is there's no special happiness. But you have to keep on impress others, only happiness you feel when others impressed about you or about about what you have. So it's a kind of a, uh, suffering which people do not understand. Sometimes they understand it, but they are. But they are afraid of walking away from that because, uh, are they afraid of losing themselves? But without trying something else, something new. There is no other way to overcome from sufferings, whatever the things going on in their life. So practicing meditation is one of the best solution. In that case, if anyone would really want to try.

00:12:28 Shreya: Yeah. And I'm especially curious about anger because it moves so fast. So by the time many people notice it, they have already said something hurtful or shut down completely. So what changes when a person begins to meet anger through meditation instead of through impulse.

00:12:49 Amitha Khema: Right? So the main difference is they have a pause before we react. So people who don't meditate, they just react and then they feel regret. And sometimes they justify why they act and they they lose their good friends and they break up And then there are so many relationship issues in their life and there is no soft, proper soft skills in their daily life. So one has to meditate since they have a pause before they react. That pause allows them to have a wisely respond that rather than just reacting. So that's the main difference. I see people who are mindful and are people who are not mindful, I would say like mindless in their daily activities and how that's the way anger die for them.

00:13:52 Shreya: Yeah, that's really powerful because anger often feels like strength in that moment, but it usually leaves suffering behind, like inside us and around us. And what meditation seems to do is slower, the inner fire just enough for wisdom to enter. And I think, uh, in that slowing down, people don't just feel calmer. They become more honest, more responsible, and often more compassionate.

00:14:22 Amitha Khema: Yeah. That's true. Because of that pause before they react, it allows them to see others by putting the other's shoes and see the world. So it, it helps them to have that golden rule, which means that, uh, do something to others if it is okay. Have to happen to you. So in that way, uh, they have a proper understanding about themselves as well as the others. So that's the end of the all the misunderstandings and miscommunications.

00:15:02 Shreya: Yes. And also like for the listener who is overwhelmed or maybe skeptical or simply tired, What is a gentle way to begin meditating without making it feel like another thing to achieve?

00:15:17 Amitha Khema: Okay, they can start like, you know, with the counting, with practice, like, uh, like a, like a one minute per hour. Maybe like when they feel bored, just focus to your breath and count your breaths to up to twenty and count down twenty to one. Like breathe in and out. You can count on one, two, two. Likewise, you can count up to twenty, and then you can count down twenty to one. That simple practice always allows you to be here and now and away from your thought patterns, like the thoughts going on in your head. And so that simple practice will create a huge difference in your life. And then you can use the same technique or tool. When you're angry, you can have your own preset That if I are angry, I do not react before without taking twenty. Breathe in and out so that it allows them to pause, have a pause rather than just reacting, because that pause is essential to have the efficient reply or reaction and respond, rather than just reacting and worrying and creating problems because of your own anger.

00:16:40 Shreya: I love that and also like, uh, because it makes meditation feel less like a performance and more like a relationship with breath, with awareness and with the present moment. And not everyone will start by sitting on a cushion and feeling instantly peaceful. But many people can begin by noticing one breath, one reaction, one moment of tightening before it turns into suffering. And what do you say to people who start meditating or feel a little relief, and then stop when life becomes busy or emotionally difficult?

00:17:21 Amitha Khema: Oh, then they will again lose their happiness. And if they want to be happy in here and now. I mean, if they really want to be happy, not just pretending. So they should not walk away from your their best relationship of mindfulness.

00:17:41 Shreya: I think that feels very human like sometimes meditation does not make us feel better in a right way, but sometimes it simply helps us become honest enough to feel what was already there.

00:17:56 Amitha Khema: Yeah, that's where people correct themselves. So when we correct ourselves that then gradually happiness, that inner peace and happiness will genuinely increase.

00:18:09 Shreya: Yeah. And also, like for the listeners who feels emotionally exhausted or like mentally noisy and far away from inner peace right now, what would you want to say directly to them about why even a small moment of meditation could matter?

00:18:29 Amitha Khema: Yeah. So. So if someone going through such a situation. So they all know that their mind does not help them, their mind creates suffering. So if they just join to a even online meditation within an hour, they will see that difference. So that means that mind is the chief of everything. So. So once we change our mind, we will we have that happiness. So it's like a switch on and off. Like if you want to have light, then you need to switch on. If you want to have dark, then you need to switch off. So like mindfulness is like allowing you to reach to that switch. So, so you should not let go that meditation. That means allowing yourself to grow your reach to the switch. So once you reach the switch and that's the end of all the problems, so the alcohol can help with just the temporary, it's like a solution, but again, a trouble. So any sort of the other addictions, addictions to porn or addictions to their own thought patterns, addiction to any other drug or addiction to pornography, nothing helps, but it's just a time pass. But the problem will be in you, within, hidden within you. But meditation, that's a real solution and gradually it will improve due to your better version.

00:20:03 Shreya: That's so beautifully explained. Thank you for sharing this with my audience. And if there is one insight I'm getting from this conversation is that meditation is not about escaping life, but about meeting it with enough awareness that suffering is no longer gets to lead everything. And this is truly a very, very amazing conversation, a very meaningful conversation with you. And if after this, my listeners want to connect with you and want to know more about you and your work, then what's the best place to find you?

00:20:39 Amitha Khema: Ah, yeah. So they can join us through our website. Buddha meditation B c dot o r g. That's our website. And they can join online meditations. We host online meditation every Thursday, eight p m to nine p m eastern Time between the DC Washington DC time. And, uh, yeah, so that's the best way. And there we have the other online programs. And if anyone living nearby Washington D.C. area. So we welcome them to join us in our one of our in-person meditation. And you can learn through our website. We have published articles related to meditation, and you are welcome to come and meditate with us.

00:21:30 Shreya: Yes. And I will make sure to attach all these details and links below so that the listeners can find them easily and get in touch with you. And for my listeners, thank you for joining us on sacred Harmony. If this conversation stayed with you. Yeah. Thank you. Maybe don't rush away from it. Take one quiet breath. Notice what is moving inside you. Notice what softens when you stop fighting the moment you are in. Sometimes healing does not begin with a dramatic breakthrough. Sometimes it begins with sitting down, becoming still, and telling the truth to yourself with kindness. Until next time, be gentle with your mind. Be patient with your becoming and keep making space for the peace that is still possible within you. Thank you.