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I have a very vivid picture of my niece when she was staying with me one summer. Her sitting on the steps coming from upstairs, and we were headed to the park. She let out a big sigh and put her head on her hands, and I asked her what was wrong. She said, let's go make friends again. It was kind of sad actually. She'd been moving around a lot and it was kind of her way of saying she was done trying to make new friends, because making friends is hard at any age.

There was a point in time where she liked it, where she was excited about it. And actually moving a lot- it just got to be hard. It made me remember those first tentative attempts to make friends when I was younger. And even as an adult, it's kind of interesting. Making friends happens much easier, but it's something you have to stop and make time for and put effort into.

[00:00:58] Shawna: We actually have a conversation in depth on that for an episode later in this season. But today we're doing something a little different. I'll get into that in just a minute.

[00:01:09] Shawna: Welcome to The Grit Show, growth on Purpose. I'm glad you found us. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be leading you on today's journey as part of this community growing together as seekers and thrivers. If it's your first time, I'm glad you're here and if you're familiar with us, we would love if take a moment and leave a review.

[00:01:31] Shawna: I love to hear what you have to say. It is so valuable to learn your perspective. And what you enjoy about the show, so we know what to focus on going forward. Thank you for being part of this community.

[00:01:41] Shawna: Today we are doing something a little bit different. We essentially get to have a guest episode where one of the other podcasts in my network, The Fire Inside Her with Diane Schroeder will have their episode broadcast on The Grit Show feed. It's a wonderful way for you to discover a new podcast that I really think you'll enjoy. It's also a great way to spark some fabulous conversations.

[00:02:07] Shawna: When I had this opportunity, I took my time to think about the different episodes on Diane's podcast and which one I thought you all would connect with the most and enjoy the most.

[00:02:18] Shawna: It really was a hard choice. She has a lot of valuable guests and a lot of great information that she gives out on her podcast every week that I think everyone can gain from. This episode that I chose is entitled Connection Community and Collaboration. And her guest is someone who lives in Oregon, which if you didn't know, I also live in Oregon.

[00:02:40] Shawna: So there is definitely a connection there.

[00:02:43] Shawna: Diane starts with a very vulnerable story about herself growing up and trying to make friends and connection and realizing as an adult, She was missing female friendships because sometimes as we get older, we get a little more isolated.

[00:02:57] Shawna: I think after the pandemic, a lot of us are feeling a little more isolated, and so thinking about trying to make those connections again.

[00:03:05] Shawna: Her episode goes into one of those adult leadership friendship connections she made, that really has made a positive impact on her in many ways. I love hearing about their relationship, and I love hearing the story of how they connected and the friendship that blossomed out of that.

[00:03:22] Shawna: Beyond that, they also have a really good conversation about collaboration and community and the importance of community. Both of those are themes in Diane's podcast, as she talks a lot about there being more than enough room at the table and inviting people to the table and knowing who is your community and the importance of community. It's a very valuable conversation.

[00:03:45] Shawna: I also love that Trish Connolly is from Bend, Oregon. I'm from Oregon. I live in Portland, currently. Grew up in a very small town in southern Oregon. That's grown a lot since I first lived there.

[00:03:57] Shawna: And Bend is a place you'll be hearing a lot more about from me in the coming months. So it's a fun connection. These are two strong women who both have very impressive leadership positions. And hearing them talk about the role of women in leadership is something I found very inspirational. Who they are and all they've given to the work they've done really comes through in their conversation and is both inspirational and valuable in learning how they've navigated things and gained from things and what they've taken from it.

[00:04:30] Shawna: It's something I think you'll enjoy.

[00:04:32] Shawna: Being able to do exciting things like share each other's podcasts is part of being in the Authentic Connections Network. This is the podcast network that I founded after launching The Grit Show, when I realized the abysmal fact that only 27% of podcasts are hosted by women, a fact that needs to change.

[00:04:51] Shawna: I'm very excited about all the little ways and little things that are being done

[00:04:55] Shawna: to take the tech and stress outta podcasting, give it the power of a network and make it easy to fit into the lives of women so that more women are out here podcasting, amplifying their voices, and getting their messages out to the world. I have a cohort launching in mid-June as part of a summer podcast incubator, so that we'll have a fresh batch of podcasts for you to be enjoying in the fall.

[00:05:21] Shawna: If you know of someone who needs to have a podcast, be sure to have them get in touch with me so they can be part of this exciting experience. This launching for a small group of select individuals who will have the opportunity to be part of the founding circle of the Authentic Connections Network.

[00:05:36] Shawna: Because it is me and because it is The, Grit, Show, I've always gotta say, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really means something. I'll be here again next week. I hope you are too.

[00:05:54] Shawna: Without any further ado, I give you Connection, community and collaboration from the Fire inside her podcast with Diane Schroeder and her guest, Trish Connolly. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, and you go over and check out the fire inside her. Follow it, download it, and enjoy it as much as you enjoy. The, Grit, Show

[00:06:18] Diane: Welcome to the Fire Inside Her podcast, A safe space for leadership, self care, and community. I'm your host Diane Schroeder, and it is my privilege to be your guide on the journey to authenticity. The summer before fourth grade, my parents informed me that I would be transferring from the Catholic school that I spent the first four years of elementary school.

[00:06:46] Diane: To a public school in the neighborhood. I was pretty scared and it was very new to me. We didn't have a lot of kids in our neighborhood, so I didn't have a lot of neighborhood friends. And if I'm being quite honest, I didn't really have a lot of friends at school. I got picked on a lot and teased, and I was fairly awkward.

[00:07:08] Diane: So when a girl moved in across the street and up a few houses, I was really excited because. As I thought, I'm gonna make a best friend. So I went across the street and I knocked on the door and this little girl came to the door and she said, who are you and what do you want? I replied, hi, my name's Diane.

[00:07:28] Diane: I live across the street and I'd like to know if you wanna be friends and play. And she looked at me and she said, we have enough friends, and shut the door in my face. Complete rejection. And it's funny because I remember that so well, even to this day now. We ended up being friends and we went through elementary school, middle school, and high school together, and buried the hatchet long after that moment.

[00:07:54] Diane: Yet the moment itself impacted how I create friendships and relationships. To this day, I have a very deep-seated fear of rejection. When I joined the fire service, there really weren't a lot of women. To become friends with. I was grateful that I have my OG friends, a handful of girls that I've known since elementary school, middle school, and high school, and that was enough for me.

[00:08:22] Diane: I. As I started to climb the leadership ladder in the fire service and recognized that I led differently, I really just craved female relationships. I was fortunate enough to make a couple of really great friends within my own organization, and then as I expanded my professional network and started to travel outside of the state and go to the National Fire Academy.

[00:08:49] Diane: I was very fortunate to meet my next guest, Trish Connolly, lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband, son, and highly anxious dog Duncan. She loves all things outdoors, including mountain hikes, snowboarding and mountain biking. She's a yogi book Club Advocate and inspiring meditator. Trish works at Bend Fire and Rescue and has been with her department for 22 years.

[00:09:17] Diane: She was the first female firefighter hired and currently holds the rank of Deputy Chief. And let me just tell you, Trish is my hippie soul sister, and I have so much respect and admiration for her, and I'm really grateful that she took time out of her very busy schedule to talk about leadership and self care and how important community is.

[00:09:41] Diane: Please welcome Trish Connolly. Trish, I have a burning question for you. I want to know if you are a ketchup, mustard, mayo, or ranch person. I think it really all depends on what I'm eating. Tell me more. Mustard

[00:09:59] Trish: only for

[00:10:00] Diane: hotdogs, because I've been taught that by my New

[00:10:02] Trish: York husband. Ketchup is just like, you cannot put it on hotdogs, and so I've learned that.

[00:10:09] Trish: And then I love ketchup with fries. Ranch, I would say no

[00:10:13] Diane: to the ranch. Okay. What about Mayo? Are you a Mayo person? Not really. I feel like it's pretty decadent

[00:10:21] Trish: and sometimes I'll put it on a burger, but I pretty much, you know what? Mayonnaise for

[00:10:26] Diane: sure with tuna. Yes, I agree. That's about the only thing I like mayonnaise on.

[00:10:32] Diane: Yes, because it's glue. Yes.

[00:10:35] Trish: So like that's the only thing and it's a must have for that. So I think it all depends on what I'm eating, but we are a condiment family. I just have to say, you come over to my house, you open the refrigerator, you're gonna be a little overwhelmed. We might have 25 mustards in there, and I have no idea why.

[00:10:52] Trish: And my husband keeps on buying it, so

[00:10:54] Diane: I'm like, what? Stop. So you live in Bend, Oregon. Yeah. So I'm not sure what the fast food scene is, but do you save like the condiment pouches from eating out? For example, like Chick-fil-A, they give us all kinds of like the buffalo sauce or Chick-fil-A sauce. So we save those in our fridge.

[00:11:14] Diane: We don't,

[00:11:15] Trish: I mean we have fast food, obviously we're a big place in Central Oregon, but I don't go to a lot of fast food, so I don't have any of those packets and I literally don't know where we put 'em in our fridge anyway cuz it's stuff, pull

[00:11:30] Diane: stuff. That's awesome. All right, well thank you so much for taking the time to

[00:11:36] Trish: chat.

[00:11:37] Trish: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. This will be fun.

[00:11:40] Diane: I'm really curious, and I know we've talked about it a lot during our friendship, but I, I want people to hear what it's been like for you and your journey as a leader in the fire service. Mm-hmm. Specifically because you were the only woman in your organization for how many years?

[00:11:57] Diane: Um,

[00:11:58] Trish: uh, about 18 as a firefighter. We did have women inspectors, uh, in fact a few female inspectors, but as a firefighter on the line, I was the only female for close to 18 years. We did have a female come in for a couple years, and then she popped back out. It was not for her. So it's been a journey.

[00:12:22] Diane: How has that.

[00:12:24] Diane: Experience of being the only woman we know that women represent roughly between four to 7% depending on if your career volunteer in the fire service. And that's not a lot to be the only one in a relatively big department. How did that shape you on your leadership journey? Um,

[00:12:45] Trish: it was for sure a journey and yeah, I think it had great impact on how I lead, you know, uh, Being a female in a male dominated industry is just challenging, and they literally had no idea what to do with me when I got hired.

[00:13:03] Trish: They didn't know where, where I would sleep or. What to do with me if I got pregnant. There is no policies. They, they really, it was at the time when there was no planning to have women in the fire service. And when one got hired, they were like, oh, they were shocked. And so it was a journey to sort of navigate all that.

[00:13:26] Trish: And then when it came to leadership for, for the longest time, all I wanted to try to do is be accepted and. Try to just be a good firefighter. You know, all those things you try to do to belong. Um, and then when it came to leadership, leadership isn't always about belonging. It's about, it's about making far choices.

[00:13:47] Trish: It's about keeping people true to policy and the culture of your department. And so then I really had to. Find my voice and be really comfortable with who I was and how I led, and that was challenging for me being a female leader because I. I am gonna lead differently. Uh, my voice is different. And it took me some time to accept that and

[00:14:14] to

[00:14:15] Trish: to be okay.

[00:14:17] Trish: Being different. And not just being okay, but realizing that that's my superpower. That is my strength, is being a female and looking at problems differently, communicating differently, um, having a different way of setting up my team.

[00:14:32] Diane: I love that so much. And just let's go back really quick. When did you get hired on the fire department?

[00:14:38] Diane: I was

[00:14:38] Trish: hired in 2000.

[00:14:40] Diane: That's exactly when I got hired. So we're not talking about the early 19 hundreds or you know, like the 1950s. Even people, we are talking about 2000, so we're coming up on 23 years ago. Not that long that. Trish was the first female in her organization. And to back up just a little bit more, you were a badass in the wildland fire world.

[00:15:05] Trish: Well, I appreciate that. Big compliment to,

[00:15:09] Diane: I would. Well, you were, I mean, you were jumping outta helicopters sister. That In my mind I was, I

[00:15:14] Trish: got to rappel outta helicopters and I loved my wildland experience and it really shaped me. But I think what's really interesting and what shocked me is. I was a wild firefighter.

[00:15:25] Trish: I started in 1994. I used it to put myself through college. My career stands five seasons, um, before I transitioned to structure firefighting. But women were way more pervasive and wild land than structure and it really shocked me. When I started volunteering at the department trying to get my foot in the door with my fire department I currently work for, there was no, like we said, there was no women.

[00:15:54] Trish: And I came from a crew where there was like six women repellers, and it was just way more accepted. You were just way more part of the team. There was no questions and. My wildland was really physically demanding. My pack was 80 pounds. I remember I had to get on my hands and knees and like one of the guys would get behind me and would stand me up because it was so heavy.

[00:16:17] Trish: And then you would like walk cross country for miles on end. So it was really shocking to me to go from one to the other, thinking it would be really similar in terms of team and acceptance. And it wasn't. You had

[00:16:28] Diane: said that you just wanted to fit in, and I relate to that. I remember very clearly, like the first bit of my career, I just wanted to be accepted and liked.

[00:16:38] Diane: That was really important to me because in my mind I felt if they liked me, then it was all good. Yeah. If they accepted me and the problem for me was that I cared more about them liking. Who I thought they wanted to like, instead of the genuine, authentic person that I was. And so, for example, for years I watched Sports Center every morning so that I could talk competently about sports.

[00:17:07] Diane: Not that I, I mean, I like sports, I like watching sports, but I wasn't like a huge sports person. I thought, well, if I can talk intelligently about sports, then they'll accept me. I'll be pretty cool cuz I know sports. Did you find yourself just kind of covering up who you authentically were just to be liked?

[00:17:24] Trish: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that's just survival, right? It's a survival mechanism. You're like, okay, I'm here and I want to be part of this group. I wanna be part of the team. And so you pretty much would put up with anything that came your way. And I like would learn to joke a little bit gnar earlier than they joked to make them more uncomfortable than they were making me.

[00:17:51] Trish: And so that was my survival, you know what I mean? Like that was Absolutely, yeah. I put up with stuff that I hated, but like, I'm like, Nope, I, I want to be successful in this job. I wanna be part of the team, so I'm gonna put up with all of this. Um, and not say a word and I'll give it back to 'em twice as much as they're giving it to me.

[00:18:13] Trish: Mm-hmm. And it worked. And I see our younger female firefighters, um, often do the same. And I get it. Like, I'm like, I get where you're coming from, sister. I understand what you're doing. And I think the more you advance in the career, then all of a sudden you're like, hmm. Now I, I, I feel like I can have my voice now and I can say, Hey man, that's not cool.

[00:18:35] Trish: So that's the transition I think we make as we get further in

[00:18:40] Diane: in our career. I, I agree. Uh, we were talking, I was talking to my guys the other day and I had mentioned to them the first time when I was a brand new officer at 28 years old, and I sat down with my really senior crew and I gave them the expectations talk, and I was so nervous about it because I felt.

[00:19:01] Diane: Like I just like, what am I doing? I mean, I know I'm promoted and I'm supposed to be really confident, but these guys could have been my dad. They were much older, much senior, and here I am trying to be vulnerable and sharing with them and they knew I was nervous and it was received so well and it really helped like lay a solid piece of my leadership foundation because what one of them told me was, you know what, you're not gonna learn all of this in one day.

[00:19:29] Diane: And it's okay, we'll learn it together, we'll help you. And I really believe it was because I was very vulnerable and I said, look, I know the foundations of this. I know how to keep you guys safe. There's a lot more I wanna learn from you. And I think that was really kind of a turning point for me. Do you find, like, what was that transition like for you and, and was it.

[00:19:49] Diane: Slowly Or was it like, you know what, Nope, I'm the boss now. Things are gonna change. Or did you kind of have to, was it trial and error?

[00:19:58] Trish: Yeah, absolutely. Trial and error. And I was just like, you, I didn't come in being like, suddenly I'm the boss. Like what was important to me and I think, and, and this is just really how I lead, is.

[00:20:11] Trish: And just what you said, like, Hey guys, we're all in this together, and we all have different positions with different responsibilities, and my responsibility is to take care of my crew. My responsibility is to make sure that, uh, when the tones go off, we're prepared to run this call like, My job is to take care of you and make sure you're successful in your position.

[00:20:34] Trish: Like, I'm not here to come and tell you what to do and to be this boss person. That's not how I lead. Um, so it's definitely a process of figuring out, well, how do I lead and how do I create this team where I'm being true to myself and, and how I wanna be a leader? I'm still challenged by that. Every position I come into, I'm like, well, how?

[00:20:59] Trish: How do I create this team and how do I lead without feeling like, um, I'm, I don't know. I'm, I'm overstepping my boundaries and who they are in the development and their career. I just want to be there to support that person. So, absolutely. It's, it's, I, I, I'm still work on it all the time. I'm always reading leadership books because I just think it's a really important position.

[00:21:24] Trish: Mm-hmm. Leadership is important.

[00:21:28] Diane: How did you take care of yourself when you were the only female, when you didn't have, you know, to phone a friend or another senior female to be like, Hey, is this normal? Or when you decided to have a baby, how, how did you take care of yourself during all of those firsts while trying to, you know, professionally be successful and climb the ladder and be a leader in a high stress job and.

[00:21:57] Diane: You know, becoming a mom or, you know, taking care of yourself as, you know, a yogi and your bike riding. Like how did you do it? Yeah. And, and stay married. I, I just have so many questions

[00:22:11] Trish: that, well, one, I really feel like I'm really lucky to have. A strong marriage and my husband really wanted me to be successful.

[00:22:23] Trish: We are very good at, um, being together, yet being very apart in having our own lives all at the same time. But he definitely was like, I'm here to support you and to help you. You come home and then we build you back up from the things that happened at work. Cuz we all know work can be challenging and it's not just the calls and the calls are super challenging and you have to be really attuned to the ones that are scarring your soul and then trying to heal that.

[00:22:51] Trish: But just the relationships, and you're right, like being the first and trying to navigate. Being female, yet being in this male dominated industry and having a baby yet still trying to come in and being really tough and putting on the gear. I remember this was hilarious. I remember when I, I first, um, came back to work after I had my son and.

[00:23:13] Trish: We were getting ready, the tones went off and it was a fire, and I took out my fluid and something stuck to it and I pulled it off and it was a baby sock. And I remember engineers like, are you kidding me? I'm like, so how do I family? And then strong friendships and really finding. I, I try to get into programs where I could find my people too, and that's where I met you.

[00:23:39] Trish: And so it's sort of like seeking out people that are kind of going through the same thing you are, which is difficult for us cuz there's not a whole lot of us, but binding that person and then being really open with that and keeping and caring for that relationship so, That really helped me and I just have a strong sense of needing to replenish my soul when I need to replenish it, reading and exercising and all of that.

[00:24:06] Trish: But I really think that it's the people, it's that community you create that help hold you up can, you can't always hold yourself up. Right.

[00:24:14] Diane: I, I agree. I laugh when I think of how, I remember when we first met, it was year two of executive fire officer and it was right before class started and we were in the bathroom.

[00:24:24] Diane: And I was getting, I was finishing up washing my hands and then you walked out of the bathroom and you're like, hi. And I'm like, hi. And then, oh, you're Trish. You're who Carol talked about. And that was like our first interaction. Do you remember that at all? I,

[00:24:41] Trish: I have the worst memory, which I think is like one of my greatest assets.

[00:24:45] Trish: I don't carry anything with me, but I also am like, oh, that sounded really amazing. Was I there? Okay, great. I just remember. I remember your laugh. I remember you are just always so welcoming and I was just like really attracted to your energy and so I just remember coming in there. I just feeling like, oh, I met one of my soulmates like immediately.

[00:25:07] Trish: You know, love at first sight between us

[00:25:10] Diane: totally was. Then we went to that pub for our first date, that Irish bar in Gettysburg. And it was so awesome. The conversations have never not been genuine and authentic and you know, even when we're both having bumpy times independently, we can always call each other.

[00:25:30] Diane: And I agree with you, that's, that's a huge. Pillar of self-care is to have your people and complete, complete and that community.

[00:25:38] Trish: Absolutely. I agree. And you, and you said something about, uh, being really authentic and honest, and I also think that's a really important part. Things are always perfect and I think it's really important to be able to talk to someone about that, like.

[00:25:52] Trish: It's not good right now. And that can be really, that can be really scary to admit it. Um, but I also think there's a lot of power in that because then you can have this really honest conversation that gets you through where you are. And I try to have those honest conversations even with myself, like, why am I feeling this way?

[00:26:10] Trish: And how, what is this feeling you're feeling? I think that's really important. And then you find your people that you trust that you can have those conversations with. And I really think. That, that has gotten me through my career cuz we know that it's not always easy. I wouldn't change it. I love it. But it's been a challenge also.

[00:26:29] Trish: Absolutely.

[00:26:30] Diane: Well, and I, I think you know, that journey to be becoming your authentic self and really kind of expressing that. So much of that, you know, it, it. Bleeds out of everything that you do, but so much of that is the work you do on yourself. Mm-hmm. Because it starts as an inside job. Would you agree?

[00:26:49] Trish: Oh gosh. Yeah. Completely. And that's why I think, like I usually have my leadership books going and my spiritual books going, because how am I feeling and why am I feeling this way? And also be like completely okay with the fact that, um, I'm. Perfectly and perfect. And some of my feelings are maybe a little bit embarrassing, like, but I'm like, Hey man, this is how I'm feeling about this.

[00:27:14] Trish: And that's okay. And to be able to sit down with someone and to work through that or to just say, Hey, I'm, you said this and it made me feel this way and I wanna talk to you about this is, I think, really important because if you don't express those things, one, if you just don't say, Hey man, I'm an imperfect person, which everybody is, and that's fantastic.

[00:27:33] Trish: Um, and then if you, Aren't able to talk through that stuff for me. You just bottled it up and then it's just never, you're never able to heal through that. And I just think that's, that part of leading is you said it's an inside job. Start with yourself and figure out who you are, your strengthen your weaknesses, and we all have 'em.

[00:27:52] Diane: Agreed. Do you think that the community you have built, you talked about your community and kind of you had to go outside, To find women, um, really to be part of your community. But would you say that the community you've built has helped give you. The, you know, confidence, the platform, whatever you need to be like, all right, I'm gonna do this.

[00:28:13] Diane: I'm gonna, I'm gonna go for this position. I'm gonna finish my master's. Whatever big challenges you've had in life, do you find that your community has kind of been there? Whether it's, you know, taken a break to go to book club, because I know you belong to a book club. Yeah. Like, yeah, you just have all these really cool activities that you do.

[00:28:30] Diane: Completely not related to the fire service, but must help you in your leadership roles. Yeah,

[00:28:36] Trish: absolutely. I feel that community, wherever you find it. And I feel like we have communities in so many different areas. Just like you said, I have my book club community, that connection. I have my community with other fire service leaders that I feel like I can be really honest with and, and really work through challenges, um, community in my sports, my yoga.

[00:29:02] Trish: You know, you have to decide, I wanna go in and, and do these things, and I wanna go for this position, I wanna go for this class. But really I think that, um, I've carried things that people have said to me with me that helped drive me through hard times. And it helps when someone says, You need to go for this.

[00:29:25] Trish: I think you would be so good at this. I really feel like the department would be so lucky if you went for this job or if you, if you went for this degree. And I think that's helpful cuz it's sort of like the fuel behind your drive that you're trying to do is, is people really, like we said, supporting you and lifting you up.

[00:29:43] Trish: So, absolutely. And I feel like a lot of my community is outside of the fire service. Mm-hmm.

[00:29:50] Diane: Do you think that community, that kind of helping has also helped you learn how to have challenging conversations? When you hear from people that you know, you really need to go for this, I think that's very authentic and genuine.

[00:30:03] Diane: It also takes away some of the competitive nature that we find. I know that we've talked a lot about as women in the fire service, that competitive nature that isn't really healthy and Yeah. Helpful or you have the supportive nature and you know, all going into community. But does that help you have that confidence for, like you said, difficult conversations for

[00:30:24] Trish: conflict?

[00:30:25] Trish: Yeah, and that's one of my weaknesses I have to say, and I have to say before I talk about that is that you were, you were, you've said things to me that's really helped me with that competitive nature because we all know when you go for something and you're competing against other people and you're a minority in it.

[00:30:44] Trish: All eyes on you, and you always helped me be like, Hey, this isn't a competition with other people. This is, this is really competition with yourself. Like, you're out there. Don't, don't worry about them. And that's, I've always tried to keep that with me when, because when you step into that spotlight, it's some scary, and so you really have to, you know, things you've said to me have held really closely during those moments, challenging, difficult conversations.

[00:31:12] Trish: Um, I still really have to work on, but I think it's really important being your authentic self to be able to put yourself in those situations, to have those challenging conversations. And you know, Brene Brown, really it's helped me her conversation about that, you know? Okay. Yeah. Embrace the suck, right?

[00:31:35] Trish: Yep. And it's. Gonna suck for a little bit. Um, but when you, when you have those challenging conversations, it just really helps you grow as a leader and as a person. And it really helps you connect with that other person. So those challenging conversations and standing up for myself and having those moments where you're like, okay, it's the first three lines of this leg interactions, I gotta rumble with you.

[00:31:57] Trish: Um, it's gonna be hard, but then you just have a conversation. I'm still challenged by, uh, challenging conversations because of course, connection's so important to me and I wanna connect with people and I wanna care for that connection. But I think challenging conversations are about, um, caring for that connection.

[00:32:14] Trish: And if you're not having that challenging conversation, those connections are gonna fall apart. And so I just feel like, you know, that's something that I'm constantly working on and reading about and then making myself go there.

[00:32:26] Diane: I love that. And total side note, when we get the opportunity to have our Dream lunch date or dinner date with Brene Brown, we'll be there together,

[00:32:37] Trish: please.

[00:32:37] Trish: I'll

[00:32:37] Diane: fly anywhere I. Yes. Her work has definitely influenced me as well. Um, do you find even though challenging conversations suck and they're uncomfortable and they're difficult, how has that helped you be a better leader and maintain a connection with the people you're in charge of?

[00:32:54] Trish: So this is really interesting.

[00:32:55] Trish: I've actually thought a lot about this because I think as leaders. This is where we let our teams down if we're not willing to have these conversations. And I feel like this isn't an expectation that people have of people in leadership roles is that you gotta, you know, you gotta throw down the truths.

[00:33:14] Trish: One of my mentors always said, if you truly care about the person, Then you're gonna have those challenging conversations and you're coming from a place of wanting them to be better. So when you're coming from a place of really, truly wanting this person to be better, to be more successful, like these are the things they need to hear, then it should just be okay.

[00:33:36] Trish: They'll feel that the fact that you really care for them, and I've seen. Situations where people didn't have the guts to talk to someone, and it hurt them further in their career and they resented that leader for not having the guts to sit down and talk with them. So for me, I see like this is our responsibility as leaders to have these conversations with people.

[00:33:59] Trish: But when you come from a space of caring and really wanting someone to be successful, it's okay. And really everybody's gonna be better for it in the long run.

[00:34:09] Diane: Mm-hmm. Yes, yes. I couldn't, I couldn't have said it better. Aw, thank you. I appreciate you. Like I said, taking the time. And I just have a couple other questions that I kind of wanna wrap up with to hear your wisdom.

[00:34:23] Diane: Oh, okay. Get some of your, your truth bombs. Um, the first question is, who's your leadership crush?

[00:34:30] Trish: Oh gosh, that's so hard. Okay, we um, we already talked about Brene Brown. Yes. So we both know that we girl crush on her hard.

[00:34:37] Diane: Absolutely. I crush

[00:34:39] Trish: on people who, they're being really authentic right now and that's really challenging for them.

[00:34:45] Trish: I'm like, you are so awesome because it's hard. So I think, like, I crush on people all the time. When I watch them, I'm like, wow, that was really strong of you. Like, of course I crush on you because you're like one of my. Leadership and female firefighter heroes. I just have this appreciation of watching people, um, when they step into really hard situations and they're being who they are and I can see that.

[00:35:11] Trish: And um, and I wanna take little pieces of that and Sure. I use it for myself to be better.

[00:35:18] Diane: Well, thank you. That was not a setup, by the way,

[00:35:20] Trish: and I'm being very truthful, Diane,

[00:35:22] Diane: to go along with Brene. It's the people that step in the arena, right? Like we want, those are our people. Those people that are willing to get the kicked out of them.

[00:35:31] Diane: I have

[00:35:32] Trish: that poem up on my, like right by my

[00:35:34] Diane: computer, like fame. Yeah. I actually, when I got promoted to lieutenant, I printed that out. And it's been in my locker ever since. So for almost, you know, 20 years. I look at that every single time I'm at work. Just as a reminder,

[00:35:51] Trish: this is why we're so connected. We both got this printed up and I look at it every day too, and when I'm having a hard time, when I'm feeling a little beat up, I read like, Hey man, when you step in the arena, that's what's gonna happen.

[00:36:02] Trish: Yep. When you

[00:36:02] Diane: put yourself out there. Okay? Yeah. Yes. I just have a couple more questions to ask you. How has your yoga teacher journey changed your life and how has that been in all your toolboxes, leadership, self-care, you know, momming, wifeing, like, how has that impacted you and why is it so important to take that mindful time, which is different than mountain biking?

[00:36:26] Diane: Yeah, yoga's very, in my opinion, so specific. Yes.

[00:36:30] Trish: You're, you're clearing your brain, you're getting silent, you're getting still for me, Yoga and meditation, um, has really been a huge foundation and support for me. When I first started my career as a firefighter, and you know how this is you, you may be up all night long and then you come home to a family and you've gotta switch from this.

[00:36:52] Trish: This firefighter brain to a family brain. My husband's handing me my son, and I'm like, I'm exhausted. My brain's not ready for this. Um, and so I, I had a hard time for a while. Like I had a really bad, um, temper and so I really started going to yoga and meditating every day. And my husband was like, I can see a complete difference in how you are in the world with meditation and yoga, and yoga's just helped me with transition from my work brain to my home brain.

[00:37:23] Trish: But it also just really helps me center, um, and be really present and, you know, The quality of your attention is gonna impact the quality of your life. And so I really, um, that's really helped me because we, we are in a challenging career and so it's just really kind of centered me, my yoga. And so that's why I decided to do my teacher training during Covid with an instructor who lives in California who I just, um, I love so much and I just love the way he teaches.

[00:37:55] Trish: So a lot of it was just sort of, uh, yoga therapy for me during Covid and just having an opportunity to sit down with someone and have real authentic conversations about self.

[00:38:05] Diane: Mm-hmm. I love that. I know I read a book about trauma. I've read lots of books about trauma and healing trauma cuz you know, we know we have closets full of trauma.

[00:38:17] Diane: From life and this career and all the things. But one of the, this book talked about how, you know, she went to her first yoga class and she couldn't lay in Shavasana because she couldn't lay her eyes closed. And for those of you who don't know, Shavasana is corpse pose and it's the end of every yoga class, and it's the best part.

[00:38:33] Diane: It's where you lay on your back with your eyes closed and just really absorbed the practice. And it's a very vulnerable position cuz you're in a room with other people and your eyes are closed. And so you have to have this level of trust. And I never connected that to healing trauma and self-care before.

[00:38:49] Diane: And, and now that I've read that and I have integrated that when I do yoga, I find that there are certain teachers and certain sessions where I can fall asleep in Shavas Yeah. And start snoring and, you know, wake everyone else up. But I, I, I think that, you know, What a gift. Such a mindful practice can be to really just taking time for yourself, but also healing, you know, parts of your body that you may not have recognized, needed, healed, if that makes sense.

[00:39:21] Diane: Needed

[00:39:21] Trish: healing. Absolutely. You know, like that book, which I know you read, the body keeps the score right in our body, and so as we work for the other practice and. My yoga practice has been just like my fire service career. Like in the beginning it's all like physical. Like I go to the like athletic yoga classes and like, I'm gonna hold this plank for 9 million years and I'm gonna do 9 million Shava.

[00:39:44] Trish: I mean, uh, chat. Yeah. Yeah. And like now it's really switched to more of like the spiritual practice, uh, where it's like my breath is really guiding my movement and I'm there with an open heart and a calm mind, and I'm really. I'm really trying to practice that. And so I feel like yes, like I feel like that is really healing, um, to be quieter with yourself.

[00:40:10] Trish: And that's the thing. And I watch people in yoga class, they're like, oh, Shavana, they roll up their mats and they're out. I'm like, man, you're missing like that part where it all comes together, where you sit quietly with yourself and you feel all of the feels that can be hard, but so important.

[00:40:26] Diane: Oh, it is.

[00:40:27] Diane: So my. Dad died the beginning of 2020, and it was a bumpy year for sure. It was before Covid and then Hello Covid and I for my birthday. I was working that year and I did a yin yoga session and I cried through the entire thing and that had never happened before. I was like, holy cow. And it was so beautiful and messy and yes, it was just the different positions really, and shapes got me into this really emotional like I felt.

[00:40:58] Diane: 10 pounds lighter after I was done. Amazing. And really solidified that how much I love yoga for self-care. So yes, sidetrack on that. Okay, last question. Okay. This is a tough one. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. Okay. Can you share a defining moment in your life when you chose to be authentic and it was really hard, but it changed the trajectory of your life?

[00:41:21] Diane: Oh

[00:41:22] Trish: goodness. This is, you're right, this is big one. I thought you were gonna maybe ask me about candy and I was like, ready? Let's talk about their chocolate. Um, um, you may have heard this story, but it really was a defining moment in my life. I was training to become a captain, a leader in the fire service, and, um, we had to go

[00:41:41] Diane: through these peers where your peers

[00:41:43] Trish: went.

[00:41:44] Trish: You know, say stuff. And part of my feedback came back that I was a weak leader and that really, um, that hit me hard cuz I felt like I was a good leader. And I really thought about that. And I went to my mentor again, people you can talk to right? And, and really laid out there like, I'm really upset by this.

[00:42:03] Trish: I'm really, I don't know what to do with this. I don't know how to lead. If I'm weak, maybe I just need to be a dude. Like I'll just lead like the guys. I'm gonna go back to being a dude, and I remember my mentor and this, I carried this with me. He is like, Trish, if we wanted more dudes, we would've hired one.

[00:42:21] Trish: He's like, please. Lead, like a female lead like you lead. He's like, it may not be always accepted. People may be challenged by it, but we don't need another. You're gonna miss the mark. We're gonna miss the mark. If you start leading like a guy, so lead as you lead and some people may not accept it, but it's, it's gonna be the gift that you give us.

[00:42:45] Trish: And, and I really marinated in that for a while and then really tried to follow that. You know, I'm not always gonna be, my style won't always be accepted, um, but I think that it's my style and that's what I'm bringing forward and to really accept that. And I think that that really changed my trajectory.

[00:43:05] Trish: And I think about that a lot. Anytime I'm in a challenging situation.

[00:43:09] Diane: That's a, that's a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. That's vulnerable. And have you found that since that advice? And that gives me goosebumps to hear that. Cause I, I received similar advice, um, when I got promoted to lieutenant, but that.

[00:43:23] Diane: The people who are meant to be around you, find you that your energy, your style, who you are and what you represent as a leader, as a human, your people are drawn to you and those that aren't, if you're not for them, like self-select out and go work for someone else if they have the choice or you know, but you get your people by being your genuine self.

[00:43:44] Diane: Absolutely.

[00:43:45] Trish: And I feel like by being your genuine self, you really make a difference in those people's lives who are connected to you, right? And if you're trying to lead in this third person, like, I'm gonna try to lead, like this person expects me to lead. Like, you're, you're definitely, you're not gonna make the impact that you need to make.

[00:44:01] Trish: And if you're leading from who you are, then you're really gonna have impact in people's lives. And the people that need to hear it may be the most at that moment. And yeah, you're not gonna be for everyone. Like what is that saying? Like it could be the juiciest peach, but there's people who don't like peaches, right?

[00:44:16] Trish: And so there are people who are just like, I don't jag with you. I'm like, that's cool, man. Like I don't jag with you. And like no harm, no foul. And that. Can be hard on our e, be like, what doesn't everybody love me? I know everybody doesn't. And so I, but I feel like when you leave from your authentic self and you really are who you are, then you are gonna make significant impact in the people's lives that need it the most at that moment.

[00:44:40] Trish: And you may not know it, but someone's gonna come back and say, you really helped me. And so, and that's all we wanna really do. Right. Be in the world and help people. Exactly.

[00:44:51] Diane: Yeah. I can't think of a better way to end. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you so very much.

[00:44:56] Trish: Thank you.

[00:44:58] Diane: I enjoy talking to you always, and thank you for supporting this podcast and being on it and being willing to share your story.

[00:45:06] Diane: And don't worry, there's a good chance I'll invite you back for more words of wisdom and the Diane and Trish hour. Yes. Because we didn't even get into, oh, so many other things that we can together I love.

[00:45:17] Trish: I love how natural our conversation is. I'm so excited about your podcast. To all your conversations, so thank you.

[00:45:24] Trish: I'm very stumbled that you wanted to talk me, so thank you.

[00:45:27] Diane: Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode. Be sure to follow the show on whatever platform you're currently listening to and head on over to the fire inside her.com where I've created a free audio to help you kickstart your self-care routine.

[00:45:47] Diane: Until next time, be safe, be kind, and be authentic.