And today with us, Colin, Big Bear Ross, we're

going to discuss masculinity, femininity, colin is going to

talk more about the masculine part. And I'm going to ask him

questions about, yeah, femininity, what he thinks is

feminine. And for our female listeners out there to, to be

reminded that we can sometimes lean back a little bit more and

relax and receive. And for the guys out there. Yeah,

masculinity. It's a it's a huge topic, I fear out there in

society, a lot of people are confused. There's a lot of mixed

messages out there, of what is masculine, what is feminine.

What would be your spontaneous take on that topic column?

Well, yeah, you're absolutely right. So there are a lot of

people out there that are so confused with the word feminine,

or masculine, you know, and they make up their own actions in

their head to what it means like, this guy's masculine, you

know, like, maybe he's like an alpha or acting aggressively or

something like that. Totally, what masculine is, or a

masculine is like, the protector, you know, side of

your of yourself, right? You have to think of like, even Yad

almost right? You know, the symbol uni? Well, we both, we

all have masculine, and we both have feminine, feminine energy

within us, right. And it's about finding the balance in the

middle, to truly start, you know, walking into that amazing

power that you have. And some of us as men, we fall into this

masculine Baskin on, label ourselves with this, like, I'm a

big, tough, strong man, you know, you know, I don't need to

talk about my feelings, or, you know, strong men even right,

because that's the nurturing side, right? That's the side

that you can be vulnerable. That's the side that can help

you to really heal, right. So that's where it's important to

have that balance that makes, if that makes sense.

Totally, totally. But I would, what I would like to add to that

is, I feel when you are living in a wounded masculine energy,

let's say when you still think that aggression is the masculine

way, you will also attract women that are also still wounded. So

they think all aggression is so sexy and attractive. And that's

when the whole mess starts. Because then you are kind of

caught caught in that role. And there's not a nurturing,

understanding, relationship, starting but a relationship

based on sex and aggression. For instance. Have you like, Do you

understand what I'm what I mean by the wounded masculine and the

wounded? feminine? Like, have you observed that too?

Oh, God, yeah. Like, there's so many of my friends, even myself

have grown up in those toxic relationships where, you know,

like, you'll see, or you'll see, like, you know, there's an

abusive relationship, and you keep wondering why they keep

coming back to each other, you're like, you just don't

understand it. It's like, why are they with each other,

they're so toxic for each other. But that, that comes down to a

habit that comes down to past traumas, it could be due to lack

of a father in the home, there's so many different things that

could be triggering that, you know, because we because we all

everything is our childhood, right? our childhood traumas,

right? And bring that with through us as we grow older,

right? So, you know, a girl, you know, who is used to being

abuse, abusive, or having to be abused, you know, that could

come from her father for all, you know, right. And that's

something that she's, she's experienced growing up her whole

life, so she doesn't know any other way. Right. And so it's in

so she thinks, you know, she's in this healthy relationship,

but really, it's it's a toxic relationship.

Hmm. Yeah. And the steps out of it are usually very tough. Like

to get out of an abusive relationship, a toxic

relationship. And then afterwards, I feel sometimes

it's ingrained so deeply that people who are used to abuse and

toxicity are searching for that again, because that's home.

That's what they used to be, you're

falling back in old habits, right? Like, it's like, it's

like, I'm gonna put it in, like a very easy way to understand,

okay, so it's like, um, for 10 years of your life, you know,

when you start drinking from whatever, however young you are,

okay? So when you're happy, you have a beer, right? And when

you're sad, you have a beer, like, that's the go to, and

through 10 years, you create that habit. So every time you

know, I'll tell it's not good for you, it's a depressant, you

know what I mean? It's not gonna make you happy. It might for the

moment, but the next day, you're going to be pissy, you're going

to be, you know, Moody, because you're hung over and you, you

know, you're basically putting poison in your body right? Now

your body has to flesh it out. So, you know, you're, you're

getting caught into that long term habit of once, you know,

over 10 years. So, just just an easy way to put it.

Yeah. Like, what would you say are the first steps to re frame

relationships were to, to, yeah, reframe the idea of what is

healthy, what is good or what not? It is probably awareness,

but but to have that awareness? Where do we go from there?

Well, if we're talking about somebody that does that, that

this is all they know, they don't know anything else, except

these toxic lifestyles and everything. You know, this is

basically hitting rock bottom, and ree molding your entire

life, you know. So this comes down to self love, this stuff

comes down to being alone with your being able to be alone in

loving yourself, and not for just a short period of time.

Like, you need to do this for a long time. And you need to deal

with those traumas, you need to start identifying all these

unhealthy trades that you've been living, right. And then you

know, and when you start to become healthy, and you will

eventually once you start putting in the work, you know,

you know, Mind, Body soul, you know, you start eating good, you

start working out, you start spending time in nature, you

start to look at the little things in life, right? Start to

heal, right. And then once you start to really become healthy,

that's when you can finally give back healthy. So first things

first, when you're coming out of a relationship that's toxic,

like this, is you need to be selfish, you need to think about

yourself, your own well being your number one, self love, you

know, you're able to look at yourself in the mirror. And if

you can't do that, that's a self love fish issue.

And it can be a very, very lonely path. You You said that

earlier that you went through times of extreme loneliness when

you started healing. And I feel for a lot of guys, sometimes

it's it's tough to make sense of why a relationship like broke up

ended. And I feel we as women, like we have an easier we can.

We're quicker to blame and shame the others. And sometimes we're

not aware that we as women can be very toxic as well. You don't

have to talk about your personal experiences, but you can. Like

Have you heard about women who have that behavior where as a

guy you you feel so confused. You're like, well, she plays the

victim but she is obviously not like she's manipulating the

situation. But I don't know as a man how to react. Have you heard

of a story like that? Or maybe experienced it? Oh,

yeah, for sure. Like I've I've totally experienced it myself.

You know, I was in a long term relationship with a girl for a

long time. You know, she was deep in addiction. I was an

addiction. You know what I mean? And, you know, I was trying to

power both of us out of it, you know? And I always came off as

Yes. All right, because I was like the hardliner, like, we

need to get our shit together, we need to get, you know, going,

and we need to get help kind of thing. You know, so she became a

victim to me, right? Because, you know, I'm trying to, I'm

trying to, like, enforce these things, right? And, you know, at

first you enforce things gently, you know what I mean? And then

by the end of the relationship, it's so broken, you're late,

you're basically screaming at each other? No, so now they're a

victim, you know what I mean? And they victimize themselves

just because of the anger, that's, that's coming out

between the two of you, right? So, you know, it's easy to do

that, and then do the same thing. They victimize themselves

as well, you know, and, and when you wake up and you realize, you

know, I'm not a victim anymore, you know, that's when you really

start to take back your power, right? Mm hmm. But, yeah, it's a

very complicated situation to be in. It really is.

Yeah, cuz it's so confusing. And you don't know if you are right,

about the feelings you feel you feel angry, you feel maybe even

depressed, and then the other person makes you feel worse and

saying, Yeah, it's your fault. It is because of you. And you're

like, Wait a second, like, what is what was her part? When? When

was she accountable for anything that happened, and like, I feel

that sometimes not often enough, like women don't see that they

were part of the distraction as well. And guys have a tendency

to react aggressively and to shut down. And that's scary. And

that's something you can call somebody out on. But women do

just as much destruction in being avoidant, or passive

aggressive or withdrawing sex, or manipulating gaslighting, you

know, and it's stuff that it's harder to put a finger on,

though, it's more difficult to explain when you're not in that

situation. And it's more difficult to call a person out

on when it comes to that lonely path that you were on. When you

realized, okay, you have to get better you we want to get out of

that toxic circle of relationships. Were there any

practices any, like, habits that you started doing on a regular

that helped you to feel better?

Yeah, 100%, like, literally, when I when I came out of that

point in my life from that toxic relationship, I had to I had to

remould my entire life, you know, um, you have to

reconfigure all your habits, it comes down to habits and

choices. Okay? So you have to stop the drugs, you have to stop

the booze, you have to cut off the relationship. You know what

I mean? You can't, you can't keep that that person in your

life. You know, you you have to heal. So you have to walk your

own path. And that means you have to walk alone, right?

That's exactly what I did. And, you know, for a while, you know,

I walked very lonely. You know, when, after the relationship

ended, I was still drugged, I was still hiding my pain

through, you know, not talking to anybody. Right. And it was

very devastating time in my life. You know, but eventually,

you wake up, and you start to speak your truth. Right? And we

start to speak your truth and you realize that you're living a

lie, you know, and, yeah, everything looks outside and

you're smiling and everything, really, you're broken inside.

You know, so that's when you really have to do that inner

work. That's where the self love comes in handy. That's where you

need to sit down with yourself and literally write down like,

what's my goals? You know, what's not, what's serving me

what's not serving me. And then you need to take what's not

serving you and you need to throw it in the garbage and then

you need to start writing down what's working for you. Okay? Is

is going to For me working before me, you know is going to

support groups, you know, are they working for me, going to

the gym, that helps release all the negative energy throughout

the body building that the gym is like, that is my go to.

Because when you go to the gym, well, when you're going to the

gym, how do you feel? How do you normally feel when you're gonna

do something, if you feel like you have accomplished something,

you feel good, you know, you want to drink good water, or you

want to eat a healthy meal, you want to you don't want to go eat

a cheeseburger after the gym or have a cigarette, you know, what

I mean? is once you start putting in the work, your body

naturally starts craving when it needs it. It's just, it's just

following that intuition. To do those things, right. You're

eating healthy, make sure you're drinking good water, you know,

and, you know, in in, I took on a spiritual life. Yeah.

No, your your story is extremely inspiring. And now you're a

spiritual leader yourself. And you have a huge platform where

you support other people. When it comes to men, would you say

like, Is there any platform? Or maybe online groups that you can

recommend when when somebody is struggling with shame,

addiction? constantly failing relationships? Is there

something you can recommend?

Well, yeah, there's lots of there's lots of support groups

out there, you just need to search for them. Honestly, it

takes one second. Out Google, you know, support groups, they

have one for da, that's cocaine anonymous, a alcohol anonymous.

Na is not a Narcotics Anonymous. They have smart recovery. They

have ones, you know, there, I'm sure there's ones for

relationships, you know, everything. And, you know, if,

if that's not the case, and you need, you can go buy a book,

even, you know what I mean, there's so many different

avenues that you can take. That's the The best thing about

the smartphones is you can jump on YouTube, and you can start

listening to people mentoring about relationships and whatnot,

right? Like, there's endless information, right? And, you

know, you can take the good from what you read and listen to

there, and see if it works in your life, apply it. You can

keep trying as many things, that's the best thing about

life. You can try as many things as you want. And then

eventually, you're gonna find out what works. It's like, man,

I really like listening to this iPod. You know, this podcast,

the sorority girl, you know, she really hits a lot of good

points, right? You know, when people are when people are

hurting, and they're trying to heal, they, they, they, their

tendency is they do search. And sometimes we get caught so much

in our emotions that we don't know what to do. And that's

where you know, people like me and you come in handy. We can

help point them in the right direction.

Yeah, that's great. And that's what the big mare bear

motivational movement is all about. Right? You have a huge

platform where you inspire people not daily, but hourly I

feel or 10 minute lead like you feel you're always there, and

you're available and ready to talk to people and lift people

up. And it's incredible how you were able to dig yourself up

from a from a deep dark hole to now become this motivation for

so many and leader and hard driven leader. That's why you

are on my show, is that I know that you do it for the right

reasons, you you pull your energy from the right source

from your heart right

in to take on adventure like I am having a worldwide support

group is basically what it is, you know, you have to have the

right intentions, you know, you have to lead from your heart.

You know, it's it's, it's it's a lot to take on and yeah, I do

make myself very available for people who actually want help.

You know, there there's, there's some people who just think they

can call me or message me and I'm just going to fix their

problems for them, loan them money, but they got the wrong

idea. You know, I'm here I'm, I'm here to help draw you a

blueprint. When when you can draw on yourself, you know, on

what kind of actions you can take to live a happier,

prosperous life. You know, and I'm living proof, you know, and

I was I was in the darkest of valleys, and I brought myself

out of it. And, you know, and I stumble still sometimes. And

that's because I'm a human. I'm not perfect. You know, I have my

rainy days like everybody else. But it's, it's learning from

those rainy days. Right? You got to learn from those. So then

every time you do fall, a little bit more easier to get up.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. A lot of times, it's also about not

taking it personally, not saying, Oh, yeah, this is

because life is so hard, or because I'm such an unlucky

person. No, it is because it's part of life change as part of

life. Suffering is part of life. You just got to see it, like you

said correctly as a lesson and then hear from it. move on from

it and try again. Don't give up. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, because people, you know, we are we like

to be our own worst critics. Right? And we beat ourselves up.

It's like, okay, I stayed sober for a year. And then all sudden,

I drank one night, oh, my God, you know, I'm a, I'm a terrible

person. No, you're not, you're not a terrible person. You're an

amazing person. You know, what, he just had a little, he just

had a little flaw one night, you know. And that's when it comes

to, you know, acceptance, you know, I mean, accept what

happened, and move on, because that was in the past. This is

the moment, the moment right now, this is life. living in the

moment, when you can truly live in the moment, without

distraction of everything else, what's gone on in the past,

what's going to happen in the future, and it's just mean you

right here, you're living in that very moment. That is truly

living life, you are walking in your power. And, and that is

beautiful, because then you get to get to see all the beautiful

things in life, you know, the wild flowers, you know, the

fresh coffee in the morning? No, the nice, the nice cleansing

showers, and, you know, the soaking up the sun, the working,

work, work, work becomes it no longer becomes work, because

you're enjoying what you're doing. I hope. Yeah. You know,

and if not, you know, start to plan a goal. So you're doing

something you do enjoy.

Yeah, yeah. Colin, I respect you so incredibly much and, and what

you say there is the absolute truth, that appreciation and

living in the present, is an intention is going to make you

live with more depth. And then if something is out of line, if

something doesn't feel right, you can adjust and make changes.

If we're not present with our life. Then, unconsciously, like

things build up and we become unhappier, because we're not

aware of our environment anymore.

And you just did that huge step of leaving the town you were

living in for so long. For for another town, I'm not dropping

names here. How was that for you? Like, there must have been

a build up of No, this is not good for me, I need something

else. And then he took the huge jump, and left to find something

new. How was that for you?

You know, it was absolutely liberating. Um, the world is

ours, you know, and when people say that it truly is. And, you

know, where I was living was was not healthy. You know, I know

everybody there, you know, there's, there's an excess

amount of drug and alcohol abuse going on there. You know, and

just the energy I was picking up there and running into people,

you know, from my past and things like that. It just, it

just wasn't serving me anymore. You know, as bad as I wanted to

stay in that in Lethbridge and help people, you know, and do my

work. I wasn't living healthy myself. So I needed to step out

of there. I figured in my head, like, you know, I actually got

on my knees, my knees. I prayed about it. I said, God, I said,

No, please help me. Give me Give me a way out. You know, in When

I say praying, you know, some people will say, you ask the

universe for it, they'll come to you, you know, I mean, the law

of attraction, so you can look at it any way you want praying

or the, you know, the universe, whatever. I'm not here to preach

about religion or anything like that. But you know, I asked for

that, I set my intention that I needed out in to be in a healthy

place. And God brought me to where I am now. And he gave me a

job opportunity. He gave me a beautiful roof over my head, he

gave me beautiful nature, I get to wake up to in the morning,

like, these are the things that help you heal. Right. So I'm

surrounded by it right now. You know, and it's absolutely

amazing. I've only been on here, God, just a couple of weeks now.

And I can tell the difference, you know, I'm getting up, I'm

getting up at 630. You know, sometimes even 430 in the

morning, ready to go again, you know, I wasn't doing that back

home, I was I was laying in my bed, sometimes I won't even get

out of my bed, you know, and that, and that's, that's, that's

depression, you need to snack, you need to snap out of that.

And you need to acknowledge that quick, or else gonna get a lot

worse, real fast. And that could be back to relapse, drug

addiction again, and go down the whole rabbit hole again, and I

realized what things were happening, and I acted on it.

Yeah. And it also takes a lot of self worth to do that step.

Because a lot of times, we realize all that situation is

not good for me anymore. But I don't want to give up the other

people, I want to keep helping them and you know, you you tell

yourself lies to stay in that situation where you know, it's

not good for you. So it not only took you courage, but knowing

that know, your well being is so important. And you will not be a

service for any other person out there. If you're not taking care

of yourself, and you took that huge step. And I don't know if

you have a filter on here on zoom right now, but your

complexion, the glowing in your eyes is back. I can see fire.

And I know it's Mother Nature and you being happy and proud of

yourself. And we're all benefiting from it. Like it's so

cool. So cool. Oh, yes.

Yeah, I was gonna say, you know, I have I have a saying, heal

yourself and heal the world. Right? where I was, I wasn't

healing. You know. So even if I was trying to help other people,

I wasn't going to be good. I was just going to drain all my all

the energy I had left, you know, you can't pour from an empty

cup. Right? Yes. So that's why I've made the change. I've

decided I'm gonna fill empty my cup, right? Oh, fill it up. So

it's overflowing. So I can start my work again. And I can start

helping people. Again, you know what I mean? And I can start

moving in the direction I want to because these, these things

are going to happen to me, no matter where I go. Right. You

know, you have these ups and downs. But this was a good move.

Yeah, no, incredibly powerful. Call and we're coming to an end

here with our episode, it doesn't have to be our last we

can always make another one. What would be the number one or

maybe two, to advise us for guys, and maybe girls out there?

If they are feeling that a change needs to happen. They

want to take better care of themselves. What would be the

two first baby steps for them?

Okay, so let's, let's say you're, you're at rock bottom,

okay, and you don't know what to do. The first step that you're

going to need to do is to get sober, to get thinking with a

clear mind a healthy mind. And, you know, don't worry about all

the other stuff, because all the other stuff is irrelevant. If

you're living in this deep darkness. You need to get rid of

these demons out of your closet. So getting rid of the

addictions, the booze, and then you got to start cutting people

out of your life, the toxic people out of your life and you

know, and I call it walking alone. It was a stage in my,

I'll talk to you, I'll talk briefly about it, there was a

stage in my addiction where I called it walking lonely, you

know, I was a lot of soul just walking around, using drugs

working, living in this very low vibration, you know, and I was

just, I was lost, I was truly lost. And when I went through my

awakening, and I started to realize that I can take my power

back, and I'm going to take my power back, I walked alone, you

know, I did walk along, and I cut out all the bad people out

of my life, I changed my own numbers, I, you know, anything

that was, would trigger me in any way, shape, or shape or form

was gone. And then I had to learn how to love myself. And I

learned how to be alone, I had to cry a lot, you know, and then

I started reaching out for support, I started reaching out

for help, you know, and I started to support groups, I

started going to church, I even started going to Bible, you

know, groups working out, you know, all by myself, right? And,

you know, it's the consistency, right? You know, you know, you

have to be consistent every single day, you know, I wake up,

I put on positive music, I say my prayers, I have a shower, I

visualized, negative coming out of me through the water down the

drain, you know, I do do push ups, sit ups, you know, in my

room, whenever kickstart my day, go to the gym, and then I come

back home, and I write down my plan for the day, we need

structure, you need to start building structure. If you don't

have a plan to follow, you're just waking up and being bored

for the rest of the day. You know, you need to make a solid

plan, and then you need to follow through with it. So make

the goal, right. act on it. And then it becomes reality. Okay,

it's three very simple steps. Go put in the work. It becomes

reality. Your light is starting to work for you.

Yes. Ah, so beautiful. Thank you so much, Caitlyn, for, for

sharing all this. I know, we brought a lot of value to people

out there and insights about you, I will make sure that I put

your platform information into the show notes. And yeah, people

can contact you on Facebook very easily. Thank you so much.

Oh, yeah, I have. So I have big bear motivational, which is one

of my platforms. And then I also have the big bear movement,

which is like a support group there as well. And then I have

big bear movement.com. And that's where I sell all my I

have my own clothing line. Big Bear. You can see right here,

product line, and I even have a team of holistic online healers.

So you can you can talk to life coaches, energy healers, things

like that. It's a great place to get to start if you're looking

for some help, and some guidance. These women are very

professional. They're the best at what they do. And yeah, I

wouldn't have them there if they weren't. So,

yes, thank you so much cotton blessings. Yeah, thank you so

much for listening to this interview. I hope you feel

inspired. I hope you feel hopeful for the future. If

you're struggling right now. Know that there's always people

out there you can reach out to and if you are struggling to

find a purpose, then know that spending time with yourself and

reflecting about the decisions you want to make in the future

will shape your future. And if you are aware of yourself and

your surroundings, then you will be aware of the things that are

good for you now, or things that have to be addressed. I will be

here very soon again. In the meantime, you can reach me on

Facebook, Aurora Eggert. And yeah, leave us a review on Apple

podcast. And we will be out there very soon. All right.