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Well, Hey everybody,
Jonathan Doyle with you.

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Once again, welcome aboard
to the daily podcast.

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We're really glad to have
the pleasure of your company.

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Thank you for joining me.

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Please make sure you have subscribed, hit
that big subscribe button, wherever you're

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listening, whatever podcast app you.

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You are on.

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And what else we got for housekeeping.

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I'm doing a YouTube version every day.

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So if you want to see me live
and, uh, the video is pretty cool.

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And the following on that YouTube
channel has been growing nicely.

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So.

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If you like video content, there will be
a link across to the YouTube version here.

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So please make sure you check that out.

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And, uh, what else?

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There will be a link here
for coaching with me.

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If you feel that there is some area of
your life you would like to grow in that I

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want you to go and hit that coaching link.

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Book yourself, a coaching call
with me anywhere in the world.

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We'll do it over zoom.

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Uh, they are fantastic.

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What can you expect?

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We are going to talk a little bit
about the challenges in your life.

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They could be relational.

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It could be business that
could be professional.

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It could be health.

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Whatever those challenges are,
what you can expect is that

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we're going to get really clear
on what, uh, what the goal is.

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What you want to change, and then I'm
going to help you specifically figure

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out exactly how to create the result
you are off to eight can be done.

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So if you're looking for a change
in some area of life, go and hit

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that coaching button and, uh,
let's begin that process friends.

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This is part one.

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Oh, the three-day process
I'm going to be doing.

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I felt that one of the things that so many
of us are dealing with is the complexity.

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Busy-ness the frenetic pace of
modern life, the sense of overwhelm

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that can be so real for many of us,
the sense of stress and anxiety.

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And as I was preparing these topics,
I realized that there's a, there's

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a, there's a difference, right?

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Like,

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There are some people who just through
biology, psychology background.

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They just tend to roll along through
life and nothing much gets to them.

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Yeah.

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You make those people
from time to time and.

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I make them and I'm like,
wow, how do they do that?

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Because for many of us live can
just be so full of challenges.

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Right.

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There's just so much.

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Uh, stress and complexity
and busy-ness and.

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I just felt it would be good for us
to take a three-day exploration so you

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can do it with me here on the podcast.

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You can do it with me on YouTube.

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With the links below or
whatever works for you.

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So.

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What I thought we would explore together.

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It was three key areas.

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And the first two around what I
call weakened social connections.

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The second day, we're going to talk
about a weakened exposure to nature.

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And finally, I want to talk
about technological complexity.

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These three things I think are behind a
significant part of what stressing us out.

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So all of us are going to
experience a little bit differently.

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But I want to talk about all three
and give you some good data on them.

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And I want to make sure that
in each episode we're looking

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at practical things we can do.

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So.

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If you would like to distress a little
bit, if you'd like to dial down the

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amount of stress in your life, then
please make sure you're, you're checking

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in each day for the next three days.

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Because we're going to
do some stuff together.

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That's going to be really helpful.

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So what can you expect?

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You can expect that at the end of
this shit, the very least you're

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going to have a sense of some of the
issues and areas to be more aware of.

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And you're also going to have some
practical things you can put in place.

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So let's begin.

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In this short episode today,
we're going to, I want to talk

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about weakened social connections.

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Where do I start?

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One of the reasons.

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That we are such an extraordinary
species is we evolved for

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cooperation and connection.

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We're a species that learn
to collaborate, cooperate.

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Very early in our evolutionary journey.

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So social connectedness is a
crucial aspect of evolutionary

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biology and evolutionary psychology.

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So what has happened?

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In a very short space of, I guess,
Cosmological time is these social

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connections have been weakened massively.

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So, what we need to do is talk a
little bit about what that looks like

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and what we can do to change it now.

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I did some research on this.

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There's really interesting.

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I found some really good stuff
published by Stanford university.

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Talking about the impacts of
weakened social connections.

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On a health.

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Let me read you this thing here.

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It says lack of social connection,
lack of social connection.

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Is a greater threat to health.

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Wait for it.

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Then obesity smoking
and high blood pressure.

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There that does not mean if you've
got great social connections, you're

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allowed to go and take up smoking.

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That is not the point.

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But in terms of tracking people
over the life course, People with

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really strong social connections.

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According to this research
possible, they're called

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positive social connections.

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I have a 50%.

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Chance of increased longevity,
strengthened immune response,

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faster recovery from illness, lower
levels of anxiety and depression.

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Higher self-esteem greater empathy
and they are more trusting.

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And co-operative.

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Now that would just be one thing from
Stanford, but I'm sure we could find

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a huge number of studies that would
reflect something quite similar.

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So, I don't know if you've thought
about it, but we can social

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connections, not only drive
stress, but also drive poor health.

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So the purpose of this message that
I used to put it on your radar.

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And to help you get
more conscious about it.

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And then another piece of research
that I came across was that in 1985,

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A large group of people were surveyed.

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And the question was, how many people
do you have that you could really

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confide in somebody that you could, if
something was going wrong in your life?

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That you could really go and talk to that.

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You could just unburden yourself and be
really open and transparent and vulnerable

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about some significant issue in your life.

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Now in 1985 and then did this research.

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The average person said they had
three people that they could turn to.

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Three people that they could turn to.

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Now by 2004 in a followup study,
that number had turned to zero.

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The average number was zero.

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The average person in the followup
study basically said, I have nobody.

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I have no one that I could really go
and talk to be completely honest with

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something I've been teaching for many,
many years is the principle of telling

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someone the truth I've often said,

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You got to have one, at least
one person in your life.

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You can tell the truth too.

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I mean, all of the
truth, all of the truth.

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And it's.

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It's an edifying reality at times, right?

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But isn't that interesting that just
in the space of how many years is that?

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15 that's 19 years.

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That cross culturally.

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It had imploded that fast.

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So, I'm not saying we need to run out
and bear our secrets to everybody, but

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isn't it interesting to realize that.

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Eh, you know, culturally
that we have got to a point.

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With so many people struggle
to find somebody to talk to.

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So.

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These weakened social connections,
my friend, or a significant part of

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what is driving some of the mental
health issues, the depression,

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the anxiety across our lives.

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So, whether it's you that I'm talking
to specifically, or as you listen to me,

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you're thinking about a family member
or a friend who's really struggling.

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I think this is going to be an
important part of the picture.

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So what I want to do.

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As I said, I've laid out the issue.

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I mean in summary, we are highly
social creatures, but most of us

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in our living in a time in history
where for complex reasons technology.

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Uh, complexity of life, financial
issues, all sorts of stuff.

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Our social connections for many of
us have been profoundly weakened.

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So here's what we're going to do.

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I've got four things.

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I want you to have to think about each
of these number one is get deliberate.

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Get deliberate simply means that
nothing in our life really changes.

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Usually we want to create
significant change in life.

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The first parameter is pain.

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Pain is the catalyst that creates
significant change often in our lives.

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You know, sometimes people sit in a room
and they just think about their lives.

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Yeah.

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You know what?

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I should change that.

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And they just come to change
because they've thought it through.

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Most of us don't have that experience.

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Most of us when we really need
to change something in our lives,

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we get there because things
have gone sideways for so long.

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It's the reason alcoholics anonymous has.

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The concept of rock bottom.

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You know, alcoholics don't tend
to change when things are going.

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Okay.

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They tend to change when
everything falls apart.

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So the first point.

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Is as you survey your life at the moment
and you think of your social connections.

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You know, some of you listening
to be going, man, look in general.

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It's pretty good.

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Well, if it's pretty good, it
could get much, much better.

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You could have really rich, deep,
profound relationships that are just

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so full of life, enjoying connection
that you never thought it was possible.

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And on the other end, they'll be
some of you listening who are really

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lonely loneliness is a huge thing.

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You're struggling for
connection every day.

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Just grinds on like the one before it.

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So all of us, wherever we are on
that spectrum need to get deliberate.

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We need to go, you know what.

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Social connectedness matters, you know?

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The French have a saying that
the goal of life is not to be the

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richest person in the graveyard.

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Okay.

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So the goal of life is not to just
grind on indefinitely, telling yourself

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that some point in the future, you
are going to make time for friendship,

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because by the time you get there,

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You may not have many people
around to share it with.

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So we want to get deliberate,
ask yourself, do an audit.

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Where are you with your
social connectedness?

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Where are you with your friendships?

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You know, it's interesting.

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One of my brothers rang me the other day.

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I hadn't spoken to him for, for weeks and
well, you know, we get on really well.

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You.

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But he's, he's moved to a
different part of the country.

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It was really poignant listening to
his voice and just realizing that I

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got to do some work on that connection.

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So.

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I'm actually going to take one of
my kids and we're going to jump

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on the motorbike and it's better.

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I think it's about a 4,000 kilometer ride,
but we're going to head up there and,

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uh, and see him because that matters.

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And another dear friend of mine
sent me a picture today, uh, from

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the hospital with his brother.

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Who's.

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So sadly passing away with cancer and
he sent me the most beautiful photograph

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of the two of them that were there.

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So these moments of social connectedness
is so crucial and, you know, we

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don't want to be trapped in loaning.

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The said, number one, get deliberate.

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Number two.

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If you want to increase social
connectedness, the research that

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I looked at suggested that instead
of actually focusing on yourself,

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The, you need a paradoxical intention,
which is you need to focus on others.

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See.

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Often, if we're lonely, we can fall into
that SIF self referential dynamic, right?

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Where we look at our own pain.

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We look at ourselves, we
look at our suffering.

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And we get stuck there, but the
research is pretty clear that the more

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you focus on others, how by learning
to give more, share more, do more

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for and with others, then your social
connectedness tends to increase.

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I see what I mean?

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So the way out of social connectedness,
isn't a relentless focus on your

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own happiness or your loneliness.

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The way out of limited social
connectedness is to focus intensely or

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more intensely on the people around you.

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What can you do for them?

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What can you offer them?

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What can you help them with?

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What can you offer?

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To do like today, I reached out to a
friend of mine and I said, Hey, I'm

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going to take the kids camping on Friday.

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Do you want to come bring your kids?

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You know, just, let's just
take this opportunity.

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Let's reach out.

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And he really enjoyed.

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It'd be really good for him and his kids.

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So.

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You know, my focus, like any
human intention it's mixed, right.

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Because I thought it'd be nice for me.

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It'd be nice for my kids
to have a bigger group.

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But my original intention was
inclusivity was including that person.

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And reaching out to them and
itching, which increases.

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The social connectedness, right?

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Number three.

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Um, Again, a little paradoxically.

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He has self care.

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Often, if we're struggling with
loneliness and a sense of pointlessness

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or isolation, we often forget to
take decent care of ourselves.

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So we get tighter.

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We get more inshallah.

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And the research again is pretty clear
that if you begin to focus more on

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self care on getting enough sleep,
getting enough rest being in a good

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place yourself, you tend to be more
able to engage in social connectedness.

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Right?

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So.

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Again, it's paradoxical.

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The more you focus on.

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Is this almost, I've just contradicted
the second point, but not quite.

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You know, the more that you
look after yourself, the more

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you're in a place to be open and
receptive to the people around you.

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And finally number four is, is simply
to ask for help to actually consciously

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and deliberately tell people when
things are not going well in your life.

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You know, actually reach out to
people and say, look, can we catch up?

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You know, until the truth.

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Tell the truth, like, you know,
Brenae brown pioneered that

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whole vulnerability thing, right?

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Like sometimes we assume.

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That if we, you know, we, we
have to have it all together

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that we have to present this.

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You know, thing to the world
where we always look, you.

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We were figuring it out.

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And many of us aren't.

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And none of us have
got it all figured out.

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So sometimes you've got to ask you
actually got to reach out and surround

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ourselves with one or two people
that we can really tell the truth to.

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So friends, that's it.

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On this first episode
on social connectedness.

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You want to beat some of that?

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Challenge that we face in modern
life, the depression, the anxiety, the

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uncertainty, the loneliness, the stress.

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Well, this is one of the
first building blocks.

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So I want you to go from this message.

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And I want you to start thinking
more about who do you need to ring?

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Who do you need to send a message
to who do you need to hang out

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with that you haven't hung out with
for a considerable period of time?

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All right.

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So that's the first
building block tomorrow.

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I'm going to talk about weakened
exposure to nature because

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I got a real heart for this.

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I think that many of us are
living such busy frenetic lives.

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That we've totally
forgotten what it's like.

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To reconnect to nature and what a
text is going to do for us and in us.

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So please tune in tomorrow.

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You're gonna get some
great stuff out of that.

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Go and check out that coaching link.

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If you're ready to grow, if you want to
work through a process, that's really

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going to get you move to the next level.

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Take the risk.

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00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,630
You know, hit that, uh, coaching
link com and find out more.

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And, uh, and we're going to help you grow.

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All right everybody god bless you please
make sure you've subscribed share this

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00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:46,190
with family and friends my name's jonathan
doyle this has been the daily podcast and

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you and i are going to talk again tomorrow