Welcome to the Elevated Edit Podcast.

I'm your host, Blakely Ramsey, and the goal of this podcast is to discuss all things personal development, wellness, and the art of editing your life in an elevated way.

From mastering morning routines to mastering your mindset, we're going to sift through the noise and empower you to take elevated action.

Make sure you catch the show notes for all the details.

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If you've been feeling like it's harder than ever to trust yourself, you are definitely not alone.

You're just waking up inside of a world that profits when you question your own power.

I'm experiencing this too, and I've definitely experienced this before.

But the second that I started trusting myself over all of the external noise, things really started to change.

So today, I'm not just talking about self trust like it's a buzzword, something cutesy.

We're actually going really deep, like research psychology, real systems.

Because I think that this matters so much in this noisy, reactive world.

And I think that especially as women, we need our edge and we need that thing that's going to keep us going.

And I truly think that our internal steadiness is that that thing that's going to keep us moving.

So let's get into it.

First off, I want to define what self trust actually is, and that is where the idea for this episode came from.

I was on a walk the other day, and I was listening to a podcast, and the guest on the podcast was talking about self trust, and she said something like, self trust versus self esteem or something like that.

And I was like, wait a minute, there's self trust, their self esteem, their self confidence.

And on paper, I might be able to write a definition of what the difference is, but if I'm being totally transparent, I was like, I kind of thought those were the same things, so what is the difference?

So my research into what self trust actually is led to today's podcast episode.

So I hope this is as entertaining to you as it was for me.

I love finding out about this stuff.

So, first, let's define self confidence and self esteem.

We need to know both of those to define self trust.

Okay.

Self.

Self confidence is how good I am at a task, so you can be confident at doing something.

Like, I am confident that I can vacuum the floor, but you can overall not trust yourself.

So you can say, I am really confident that I can vacuum the floor, but I don't trust myself overall that I'm going to keep the house clean.

Okay.

Self esteem is how much I value myself.

So you can value yourself and still not trust your decision.

So I can say like, hey, I am smart, I am funny, I am pretty.

But overall, not trust the decisions that you make.

Now, self trust is the belief that you can rely on yourself to handle whatever happens.

So you can rely on yourself, your judgment, your resilience, your emotional intelligence, no matter what happens.

And self trust is not about feeling confident all the time.

It's not about always being right.

It's not about never making a mistake.

It's about self trust is knowing that you can navigate challenges with integrity, believing that you can recover, recalibrate, and rebuild if needed.

That's where that failing forward comes in, which is definitely what we want.

We want to look forward to failing so that we can learn and do better next time.

And self trust is about trusting that even if things go completely wrong, which they probably will if we're being transparent, because that is life, you won't abandon yourself.

You're not going to just completely give up and walk away.

And, oh, well, I tried and it went wrong.

So I'm done.

Self trust is showing up for yourself time and time again.

So let's get into a little research on this.

I dove into this self determination theory.

So there's two psychologists, Edward Deutschy and Richard Ryan, and they developed the self determination theory.

And their theory is that humans thrive on autonomy, competence, and connection.

So to put this simply for me, I was like, okay, how can we, Like, I, I understand big words, but sometimes I have to break it down for myself.

I'm like, okay, I'm like writing down on a little piece of paper.

I'm like, but what does this actually mean?

So I hope I'm not alone when I say that.

But simply put, autonomy people feel good when they are in charge of their own choices.

Competence people feel good when they feel like they're good at what they do.

And connection people feel good when they feel close to others.

And close can be defined by all of us very differently.

Some people are huggers.

I'm not a hugger.

But I look at that as more of just like an emotional connection.

So you can define close to others however you want.

But the thing is, the thing about self trust is that it is the foundation of autonomy.

And so if we don't feel like we're in charge of our choices, then we're not going to be able to experience that competence and that connection.

And if we don't trust ourselves enough to feel in charge of our choices, then our foundation is going to be crumbled.

And that's why trusting yourself is so important to navigating your own life.

And I definitely feel like I have been experiencing some self trust issues over the last year because I have made some decisions over the last year that a lot of people did not like and a lot of people very audibly told me were bad was a bad idea.

You know, like, oh, you're, you're changing too much or you're branching out too big or you know, you're giving up what you've worked so hard for.

You know, why are you doing this and why are you doing it that way?

And that's not sustainable, that's over saturated.

And it does not matter how much you trust yourself.

When you hear that enough, it really does start to make you question things and go, well, I don't know.

Huh?

And then when you start experiencing a lot of failures stacked up back to back, instead of being excited about them and instead of learning from them, the little voice in the back of your mind starts to scream a little bit and they go, okay, oh darn.

Everybody else said that I was doing something crazy and stupid and now things are failing and it does really start to like attack your self trust a little bit.

And so that is definitely something that I have really struggled with this year.

I feel like I'm on the other side of it and at this point I have enough forward momentum and I'm starting to see some results and I'm like, okay, you know what?

Yeah, that was kind of a crazy idea and it worked out, you know.

Now I think it's really important here to stop and talk about imagination for just a minute because I do think that like imagination and creativity are really important when it comes to self self growth and business and all of the things in general.

Because in order to problem solve, in order to negotiate effectively, in order to communicate effectively, we really do need to be able to fall back on our imagination.

We all have imaginations.

Some of us have, you know, access to our imagination more so than others.

It can definitely be developed, but we all have an imagination.

Just think about the worst case scenario and then be like, oh yeah, I do have an imagination.

I can imagine the worst case, can't always imagine the best.

But if you don't have that self trust, you are not going to act on your imagination.

So you might not act on that big idea or that new idea or that fun idea and just imagine a world where people like nobody acted on their imagination and nobody like trusted themselves enough to bring their imagination to life.

Like we wouldn't have movies, we wouldn't have invention, we wouldn't have technology.

Like, we wouldn't have so many things that have brought so much benefit and so much joy to our world.

And when I say self trust, like self trust can be as small as if I make myself a list of things to do, I trust that I'm going to finish it no matter what.

It can literally be like I have three things on my list and I trust that I'm going to finish them.

And so when I say self trust, it doesn't have to be this big massive thing, it can be something so small.

But you know, the small things are still really important too.

Now this should make you feel a little bit better.

It is not a motivation problem, it is not a lack of discipline.

Self trust is under attack as a society and I think especially as women, this is something that we don't need to be scared of, but we do need to be aware of.

And we need to understand that if we are not careful and if we are not constantly checking in with ourselves and constantly reflecting with ourselves and constantly just kind of auditing our life and where we're at, we can easily fall prey to this.

So I am all about awareness.

I love to know what's going on so that I can do something about it if I think it's a problem.

So let's talk about four ways that self trust is under attack.

Number one, social media noise.

Y'all know I love social media.

I think that it has so many wonderful benefits.

But I also think social media, just like everything else, has good, a good and a bad side and it depends on how you use it.

And I fall into these traps just as easily as anyone else.

I think it's really hard not to fall into these traps sometimes.

But number one is hyper comparison.

And it can warp the way that we look at ourselves.

It can warp the way that we look at our intuition, our own opinion.

You know, if we're constantly being pushed with different ideas, different opinions, different ways that we should look, different ways that we should dress, it is going to affect the way that we lean into our own intuition in the way that we lean into our own thoughts, the way that we lean into our own imagination, we're eventually going to start numbing those versions of ourselves and just being like, I, I need to have an opinion on this.

Let me go to social media and see what everybody else thinks.

Highlight reels replace real self check ins.

So I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but There have been times where I have needed to sit down and either pray or just be quiet or journal.

And what I did instead was pick my phone up and post a story and get a bunch of likes and comments and replies and feel really good about myself.

And, like, that's, to me, is kind of sad.

But, I mean, I'll admit it, I've done it before.

When I needed to really check in with myself, I went and checked in with other people, and when they validated me, I was like, oh, I'm good.

But was I really?

And then number three, when it comes to social media noise is we start thinking, what should I do to be liked?

Instead of what do I actually want?

So what can I do to cause a reaction or make somebody think that I'm cool or make somebody think that I'm pretty instead of, like, what do I actually want out of life?

What do I want life to look like and feel like?

Okay, number two is emotional outsourcing.

So, number one, social media noise.

Number two, emotional outsourcing.

And emotional outsourcing is tied to social media, in my opinion.

But I also think that as a culture, we are leaning into this not just in social media, but in our social groups as well.

I mean, the group chats are popping off and I love it, but we are are starting to lose our sense of identity a little bit.

And even simple things like, what should I wear?

Or what should I eat or, you know, what color should I paint this room?

Like, we are constantly looking for other people's opinions instead of just being like, hey, I like this, or hey, I think this is a good idea, or, hey, this is what I think about this and not asking anyone else's opinion and just standing firm in that.

And I'll be super honest.

Ever since I deleted Facebook, I feel so out of the loop.

But I will have an opinion on something and then, like, I'll go hang out with a group of friends and they have been on Facebook and like, all in the Facebook world and hearing everybody else's opinions.

And like, my opinion sounds so wildly different than theirs because my opinion just came from my brain versus, like all of the other Facebook opinions.

And not that I'm saying that's necessarily wrong, but it is so drastically different when you develop an opinion just based on what's in your own brain versus what everyone else is thinking.

And I do think there is a checks and balances there.

I do think it is important to not get lost in your own world and to not think that you're right.

All of the time.

But I also think it's really important for us too, going back to that autonomy, to make sure that we can form an opinion on our own without having to constantly listen to other people and be like, wait, what do they think?

What did she say?

Well, what did they think about it?

Well, I can't make a decision until I know what everybody else thinks about it.

And then I'll pick a side.

I, I do think we're getting dangerously close to that line of like, I am not going to make a decision until I know, like, where everybody else is going and then I'm going to go with them.

Okay, so social media noise, emotional outsourcing number three, the amplified inner critic.

Dr.

Lisa Firestone.

She is a psychologist.

If you have not read any of her work, I would highly recommend you can just Google her and her articles will pop up.

But she has done some fantastic articles on addiction and behavior patterns and they're just really interesting.

Like, I don't consider myself to have an addictive personality.

But there were a couple of things that she said in some of her articles that I was like, oh, I never even thought about it like that.

And so anyway, she had, she has some really interesting articles.

One of the things that she talks about is that your inner critic grows louder in hypervisible environments like social media.

And so, you know, I think of this, if you are going to give a speech and you're preparing for the speech and they're like, yeah, there's going to be between 10 and 12 people.

You're practicing for the speech and then you get there the day of.

So this whole time you practice and you're like, there's gonna be 12 people.

Maybe they'll do six chairs over here, six chairs over there.

Okay, okay, I'm ready.

And then you get to the event the day of, and the host walks up to you and they go, hey, I'm so sorry.

I know I told you there's going to be between 10 and 12 people, but there's actually going to be 123.

Like, are you good with that?

I don't know about you, but I would instantly be like, what?

Like, and really it's kind of the same thing.

Like, it shouldn't matter.

But when we know we're going to be in a hyper visible environment, our inner critic will start to kick in.

And I'll be like, well, is this, like, is what I have to say actually valuable?

Like, do I, should I, should I change my outfit?

What does my hair look like?

Like, Your inner critic will start to go into overdrive.

And I think about this too.

You know, if I'm in a restaurant with 20 people and I have to get up and go to the bathroom, I'm probably not going to be very self conscious because I'm like, everybody else is eating, they're not paying attention to me, like, who cares?

But if you're at a concert, especially if you're in those dreaded middle seats and you have to like stand up and like inch by people and you're like, oh, I'm so sorry, oh, sorry.

Oh sorry.

And then some people don't move and then they have their drinks in the aisle and it's, it's just awkward.

Like awkward.

You get a little bit more self conscious because everybody on your rows looking at you, everybody on the rose behind you is looking at you.

Everybody in the whole place is looking at you.

It's just really awkward.

And you start to, that inner critic starts to really rev up when you think that you are hyper visible.

If you're at a concert, likelihood is nobody's paying attention to you.

But mentally at least for me, I'm like, oh my gosh, everybody's staring at me.

Please don't fall, please don't fall, please don't fall.

Probably because I fall so much.

It's always in the back of my mind.

But that can lead us to a place where we feel like we're constantly performing.

And when we're constantly performing, that inner critic is going to shift from like, okay, how can I help her grow?

Like how can I help her improve and grow?

To how can of protect her?

Because like that anxiety is going to kick in and you're going to, going to go into that fight flight, falling or freeze and it's going to go into protection mode.

And your protection mode is often going to come through as self doubt.

Okay, so we've got social media noise, emotional outsourcing, amplified inner critic, and the last one is cultural overstimulation is leading to a ton of decision fatigue.

So when you're bombarded with inputs, you're going to lose touch with your internal instincts.

You're going to constantly question yourself and it's going to constantly drain your energy.

So if we are getting on social media and, or even just stories, like stories can feel so innocent sometimes.

But if you click through 20 people's stories and a current event has just happened and all 20 of them have a very aggressive reaction to whatever just happened and they're all different opinions, you're probably going to be drained when you get done looking at those 20 stories.

And if you think about it, not that long ago we might have a conversation with a friend or read a article or watch a, you know, 30 minute news section or whatever it is.

And now we can literally pick up our phone and find out anyone's opinion at any point, at any time about anything.

Which I think has some benefit.

But I also think if we're not aware and we're not really careful, that can get really dangerous for us.

Now what happens when self trust breaks down?

We understand what self trust is.

We understand that it, it is under attack intentionally or unintentionally, however you want to look at that.

How, what happens when self trust breaks down?

So this looks like chronic indecision.

If you don't trust yourself, you're going to be very hesitant to make decisions decisions.

You're going to want a bunch of people's opinions.

You're just like, you're always going to feel stuck, like you're never going to be able to move forward.

It's going to look like self abandonment.

And this means basically making choices that you just know aren't aligned.

But you're just doing it to fit in.

Like you're like, I am so overwhelmed, I don't even know what I want.

Like I'm just going to do whatever everybody else is doing just so I can fit in and like breathe for just a second.

It's going to look like feeling fragile.

So this is going to cause you to avoid failure and avoid putting yourself at risk and avoid putting yourself out there, which psychologically might feel like protection but deep down it might also just be keeping you like playing small and in that stuck feeling.

And then this leads to increased manipulation by external systems.

And this is the part that really scares me and I don't like to use that word because I do think that is clickbait that a lot of people use like, oh, this is so scary.

Oh the world's ending.

Oh God.

It's like, well hold on, like calm down, let's actually talk about this logically.

But I do think that when your self trust is broken, you start to question yourself and you can be very easily influenced by brands, by influencers, by all the things, by outrage cycles.

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up and then think about 2021 and I'll leave it at that.

But to sum all that up, when you can't trust yourself, you become just like a leaf in the wind, just blowing around instead of like actually being the architect of your life.

Now if you know me, you know I am not one to just wallow in victimhood and just throw my hands up and be like, oh well, nothing I can do about it.

So what can we do to rebuild self trust?

There are actually five things that you can do.

They are very simple, but we all know the things that are simple and easy to do are just as easy not to do.

So let's talk about them and then I really want you to.

If you're struggling with self trust, try to find ways to implement this into your day, like starting today.

Because I think this is that important.

Number one, keep tiny promises to yourself.

When I say tiny promises, I want to say it again.

Keep tiny promises to yourself.

Micro promises, one glass of water, one paragraph in your journal, one 15 minute work block.

Like if you're just past the point of like, if you're just like, I don't trust myself at all anymore.

I'm really struggling with this.

Start so small and then stack those victories and over time that will shift your identity.

So even if it feels stupid, like sometimes I'll like give myself little challenges just to like make sure that I am, you know, checking in with myself.

I'm, I'm feeling good about myself.

And sometimes those are like, like this green juice I'm trying to make sure I drink every day.

I celebrate.

When I drink it, I'm like, you know what girl?

Like you got up and you drink this green juice, you are rocking it and slowly over time that has like built my confidence in this weird way.

I'm like, you know what, I'm someone who drinks this nasty green juice every single day.

I trust myself because if I'm doing this, what else can I do?

If I'm drinking this, what else can she do?

Number two, audio your inputs.

I preach about this all the time and I don't even like to say that I preach, but this one is so important.

Manage what you're listening to.

Manage who you follow on social media.

I have turned into the blocking queen here lately.

I don't even want to unfollow you.

I don't even want to take a break.

I'll just block you.

Like if people are constantly showing up negative, and I get it, we all have our bad days.

But if you're constantly complaining about things on social media, if you're constantly talking about how bad the economy is, if you're constantly, you know, oh, the world's ending, oh, the sky is falling, like unfollow those people because they're not going to do anything but bring you down.

Try to find people who were like taking ownership of their lives and being like, you know what, this is hard but I am not leaving this up to anyone myself and I'm going to handle this and I'm going to do the best that I can every single day.

Follow people who are executing on things, executing on their ideas and their self improvement and just in general showing up and living the biggest life that they can and try to stay away from those people who live in victimhood and outrage and are just waiting for the world to change.

Like oh well when the world changes then everything will be better.

It's like well world starts with you.

Number three, practice autonomy daily.

Decide something small every single day without asking anyone's opinion.

This can be as small as like picking what you're going to eat for lunch, picking what you're going to wear in the morning.

I do love a good girls chat, I love saying like hey what should I do about this?

And blah and blah and blah.

But I do think it's really important that you're able to make those decisions so that you don't lose that self trust because it is a muscle like everything else.

Number four, reframe mistakes as self trust builders.

Self trust grows when you survive errors, not when you avoid them.

So when you mess up and you learn that's when you're building that self trust, not when you're just like running around trying to avoid messing up.

Like use those mistakes.

Those mistakes are proof that you're learning.

Those mistakes are proof that you can show up and you can try and even if you fail you're going to get right back in there.

Number five, focus on integrity wins over outcome wins.

So did you follow through with what you said you do?

That is the true scoreboard.

It's not the likes, it's not the sales, it's not the applause, it's not the money.

It is.

Did you follow through on what you said you were going to do?

Because that self trust over time is going to have a bigger return for you than any quick sale or quick win or going viral, whatever that is.

And I do think this is really important when especially this goes back to like social media does have such a big impact on us.

We do need to be careful that we are not just focusing on like because there will be days, I'm not joking and this sounds ridiculous but where I will do all of these like big things and I'll like move mountains but if I had a social media post that only got three likes, like at the end of the day I'll be like oh man, I just can't win.

Like I just, I'm doing all this work.

It's like sis, it's Instagram.

It is not that important.

Like be real, be real.

And that's why it is so important to have a focus on where you're going.

Because if not, you can so easily get knocked down by those, those little losses and little failures throughout the day.

So recap.

You don't need to be louder, you just need to be more anchored.

The world is going to reward your confidence, but your soul is going to reward your self trust.

And when you trust yourself, you don't need permission to rise.

Hope you enjoyed this episode.

I really enjoyed researching this and this was a purely selfish episode.

I usually try to do things that people request or things that are, you know, being talked about on like substack and different places.

I.

I love to read articles so I try to talk about things that are kind of on the up and up, but this one was just purely a.

I was listening to somebody else talk about it and I was genuinely curious.

And so I hope you enjoyed this episode.

I really enjoyed researching and recording everything.

Hope you got some value out of it.

If you did, please send it to a friend so that they can enjoy it as well.

And make sure you leave the podcast a review.

It helps me out so much.

Okay.

With that, I hope you have an amazing rest of your day and I will see you in the next episode.

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