1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,920 >> Rachel Morris: Have you ever come back from time off with stress 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:06,960 or burnout, or even an extended break that you 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,680 took yourself just counting down to when you're 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,800 going to have to go off again? And if you have, 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:15,640 just stay with me by the end of this episode, 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,720 you're going to see why the stress just comes back 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,800 and, um, why stress and burnout come back heavier 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,760 the next time. And this is the part that really 9 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,310 matters, what you can do about it, that doesn't, 10 00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:34,220 doesn't rely on the workplace fixing itself. Now, 11 00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:36,260 it doesn't matter if you're a doctor, if you're a 12 00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,660 lawyer, a teacher, if you're working in health or 13 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,980 social care or another profession where what you 14 00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:44,980 do really, really matters, the underlying voice 15 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:48,980 that you're hearing is that question, if I don't 16 00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:52,500 do it, who else will? And that is what I hear time 17 00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:54,740 and time again. For people in our training room, 18 00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:57,300 from listeners, for people that we're coaching, 19 00:00:57,830 --> 00:01:02,030 the workload is real, the pressure is real, the 20 00:01:02,030 --> 00:01:05,950 systems are really, really broken. But here's the 21 00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,470 number that really caught my attention. In a 2026 22 00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:10,830 study of people who were going back to work after 23 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:14,830 burnout or depression, nearly 3 in 10 were off 24 00:01:14,830 --> 00:01:19,270 again within a year of returning. Now, over half 25 00:01:19,270 --> 00:01:22,950 of them worked in healthcare. That's 3 out of 10 26 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:25,630 within that year. And that's not even counting the 27 00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:27,630 people that hadn't officially been off sick, that 28 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:31,290 had just been managing it with extended time off 29 00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:33,970 here and there, using their annual leave to manage 30 00:01:33,970 --> 00:01:36,530 it. And that doesn't include the people that are 31 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,130 just circling around there now, getting right to 32 00:01:39,130 --> 00:01:41,170 the edge, pulling themselves back before they go 33 00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,970 back to the edge again. So if that many people 34 00:01:44,610 --> 00:01:47,450 are, uh, straight back into stress and burnout and 35 00:01:47,450 --> 00:01:50,970 having to go off again within a year, within a 36 00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:54,610 very short space of time, then going back the same 37 00:01:54,610 --> 00:01:56,450 way, it's just not neutral. There's something 38 00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:59,730 about going back to work after a period of stress 39 00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:02,670 and burnout that just pulls you back under again. 40 00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:05,350 The question is, what is that and why does it 41 00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:08,830 happen? And, um, it isn't what you think it is. So 42 00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:12,510 picture a town where the water is poisoned and 43 00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:15,630 everybody's getting sick. What do they do in this 44 00:02:15,630 --> 00:02:18,750 town? They just tell people to drink less, maybe 45 00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:21,950 to have a little bit of a rest in between glasses. 46 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:24,590 Or they might just give people this supplement to 47 00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:27,880 help them tolerate the poison, that this is what 48 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,360 most treatment for stress and burnout. Uh, looks 49 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,120 like people take time off, they might have a bit 50 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,160 of counselling. They certainly look after 51 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,240 themselves. They take a good Rest, they look after 52 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,480 their well being and then they come back into 53 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,840 exactly the same situation. And everything that 54 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,520 they've done while they've been off has been aimed 55 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,640 at getting themselves better. But nothing has 56 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,710 treated that water. The poison's still there. So 57 00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:56,270 you go back to that town and you drink the same 58 00:02:56,270 --> 00:02:59,150 water and guess what happens? And uh, that's the 59 00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:02,110 same I think in stress and burnout. If nothing has 60 00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:05,190 changed apart from the fact that you've rested a 61 00:03:05,190 --> 00:03:08,230 bit, then exactly the same thing is going to 62 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:10,150 happen. If you carry on doing what you've always 63 00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:12,510 done, you're always going to get what you've 64 00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:16,230 always got. And then people think, well, this is 65 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,510 hopeless. The only choice I've got is to stop work 66 00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:22,910 or to burn out just like that frog in boiling 67 00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:25,030 water. The only option they've got is to jump out 68 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,910 of the pan or get boiled alive. That's not a great 69 00:03:27,910 --> 00:03:30,670 choice, is it? Now of course when people do go 70 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:33,910 back to work, they do try and change stuff. Often 71 00:03:34,390 --> 00:03:37,430 they'll do stuff to try and reduce the workload, 72 00:03:37,430 --> 00:03:40,110 so they'll do things like dropping their hours or 73 00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:42,550 they will change the role from the one that they 74 00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:45,910 were doing to one that just seems a lot, lot 75 00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:48,660 easier. Easier where the responsibility seems 76 00:03:48,900 --> 00:03:51,940 much, much less. They might have a phased return, 77 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,420 but then what happens when that phased return 78 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,340 stopped? So people do try to change stuff when 79 00:03:57,340 --> 00:04:00,940 they go back, but often it's very surface level. 80 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,580 They just think, well, I just need to drop a 81 00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:06,340 couple of sessions or I need to sort of go down a 82 00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:09,580 level, just completely get rid of that role so 83 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:13,280 that I can really lighten the load. Uh, and that 84 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,800 totally makes sense because if you're spending 85 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,880 less time in the toxic environment, if spending 86 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,160 less time drinking the water, then you're going to 87 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,880 be carrying a much lighter load, surely, except. 88 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,000 And um, I don't know about you, but this happened 89 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,560 to me when I did try and leave things. I took 90 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,560 myself with me and then the roles I'd taken on, I 91 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,040 felt just as much responsibility for the other 92 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,560 things as well. Or I got really bored with, with a 93 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,040 new role that I had tried because it just wasn't 94 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,520 challenging. Yes, it was easier, but it didn't 95 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,960 feel fulfilling at all. And the problem is the 96 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,760 minute you've sort of dropped a whole session to 97 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:51,000 lighten the load, you've got this empty bit of 98 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,760 time and it fills up really, really quickly. 99 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,600 People ask you to do stuff, you've suddenly got 100 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,280 this time. You think, well, yeah, of course I can. 101 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,960 So often people try to do the really obvious 102 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,760 things, to change things so they might just drop 103 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,290 some of the work. And for many people that's 104 00:05:05,290 --> 00:05:08,170 absolutely what is needed. And that makes sense. 105 00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:11,610 Less time drinking that water, then you're not 106 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:13,530 going to get as sick, are you? Surely. But the 107 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:16,370 problem is that actually your time will fill up 108 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:19,610 with other, uh, stuff. You'll pick up other roles. 109 00:05:19,770 --> 00:05:22,250 You'll be running a committee or doing some 110 00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:24,930 teaching or something that someone else has asked 111 00:05:24,930 --> 00:05:27,370 you nicely to do. And you take yourself with you. 112 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,530 So you then start to feel very, very responsible 113 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,580 for that sort of thing. Or you might move sideways 114 00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:35,380 into work that feels easier, which obviously has a 115 00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:38,100 lot less responsibility. And on paper that might 116 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:39,940 sound like it's the answer, but it's really 117 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,780 boring. And it doesn't use those skills that you 118 00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:45,380 trained years for. And now you're doing the thing 119 00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:48,140 that you don't enjoy that really doesn't light you 120 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,660 up. And you're still tired. Because here's what 121 00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:54,420 nobody tells you. Sometimes it's not necessarily 122 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:57,190 the number of sessions that you do. You see, when 123 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,830 I'm doing something I absolutely love, it's not 124 00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:02,670 really about the time it takes me to do it. And 125 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:05,030 obviously we need to do the correct number of 126 00:06:05,030 --> 00:06:08,310 sessions. That's going to be manageable. But you 127 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,430 can do the work. The work was never the problem. 128 00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:13,470 Being responsible for all of it, feeling 129 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:15,990 responsible for everybody and everything, that is 130 00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:18,870 the problem. And our listeners have told us this 131 00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:21,110 time and time again. And the people in our 132 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:23,150 workshops, they say things like, well, because I 133 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,920 cope, because they just pile more on. You might 134 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,680 have said I was just quicker to do it myself, or 135 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,360 no one else is going to do it. Someone else has 136 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,080 said that they feel like they're top of the pile 137 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,000 in terms of responsibility, but without any of the 138 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:40,680 power. And this is the trap that's hiding. People 139 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,000 think that the only way to put the responsibility 140 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,200 down is just to entirely drop the role, drop the 141 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,040 job, go, uh, really, really part time or just to 142 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,560 leave. It's sort of all or nothing. I've either 143 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,920 got to carry absolutely everything or I've got to 144 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,240 walk away. But it is not all or nothing. You don't 145 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,480 need to drop the role that you're doing to drop 146 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,040 the load, to lighten the load. You can actually 147 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,960 carry the responsibility differently because the 148 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,360 problem is you're really conscientious and you 149 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,960 have the instinct to notice everything and you 150 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,000 just pick up what anybody else has dropped. You 151 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,840 volunteer to do things because you don't think 152 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,040 anyone else will do it, or you're just quite happy 153 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,280 to take on anything that just gets allocated to 154 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,500 you, regardless or not, whether it's in your 155 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,540 control. When you're in the responsibility trap, 156 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:32,180 just because you drop a couple of sessions doesn't 157 00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:35,460 mean that you're dropping that emotional load you 158 00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:37,420 are carrying for the responsibility. And often 159 00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,060 what it means is you've dropped the sessions, but 160 00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:41,660 you're working just as hard, only this time it's 161 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:44,300 unpaid. Someone said to us they felt that they are 162 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:47,540 constantly picking up that stuff that everyone 163 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:50,180 else has dropped. And someone said, well, no one 164 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:53,370 else has the whole picture, so I have to do it. So 165 00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:56,650 here's the thing. You can keep doing the work, but 166 00:07:56,650 --> 00:07:59,890 you just can't keep being responsible for all of 167 00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:02,330 it. And if you go back after you've been off sick 168 00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:05,330 with stress or burnout and you keep being 169 00:08:05,330 --> 00:08:08,050 responsible in the way that you were, that meant 170 00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:10,650 that you burnt out, then guess what's going to 171 00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:13,170 happen? You're either going to just keep circling 172 00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:15,570 burnout or you're going to get burnout on repeat. 173 00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:20,110 And there's a reason why. Stress and burnout, they 174 00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:23,790 come back much quicker the second time. And it's 175 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:27,470 not because you are weak. I've, uh, got a very old 176 00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:30,630 tent with a very old metal tent pole. And a few 177 00:08:30,630 --> 00:08:33,549 years ago, in a bit of a gale, the tent pole bent 178 00:08:33,950 --> 00:08:36,870 and we bend it back into position. But whenever 179 00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:39,590 anyone puts any pressure on it, it just bends 180 00:08:39,590 --> 00:08:41,550 again because it's already weakened at that point. 181 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:44,510 So if you get a piece of metal and you really bend 182 00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:47,610 it, that spot will bend much more easily next 183 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,490 time. And I think it's like that with stress and 184 00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:51,930 burnout. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It's 185 00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:54,290 just meant that that particular bit has been 186 00:08:54,290 --> 00:08:57,490 stressed, it has been weakened and doesn't take 187 00:08:57,490 --> 00:09:00,610 the same force to give way again. Now, that is not 188 00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:03,330 a floor in the middle. That's just physics. And 189 00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,890 that's what's happening when burnout comes back 190 00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:08,730 again faster. So the place where you bent before 191 00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:11,650 just gives way sooner. Not because you're weak, 192 00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:13,600 but because. Because you've already been bent 193 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,880 there. Because what actually happened, you didn't 194 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,840 recover from burnout. You just moved away from 195 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,200 that town, stopped drinking the water. But then 196 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,880 you've come back again. And there's another thing 197 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,000 as well. When you've come back, you're carrying an 198 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:32,560 extra load. And that extra load is the shame tax. 199 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,920 It's another weight that you pick up on the way 200 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,240 back in it. And nobody warns you about this one. 201 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,840 So you don't come back neutral. Often you come 202 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,120 back feeling that you've got something to prove. 203 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,320 Often you feel that like going off sick was a mark 204 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,080 against you, like you're the one that couldn't 205 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,120 cope. And we need to be really, really careful 206 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,480 here because it's nothing about you not coping. 207 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,320 It's not that you did anything wrong, you're not 208 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,800 less than. But it can feel that way. Particularly 209 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,520 when you look around at your colleagues and they 210 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,080 all seem to be fine. Although side note, their 211 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,880 probably protecting their performance at work 212 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,520 while everything else is suffering. So you don't 213 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,960 actually know how stressed or burnt out they are, 214 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,720 but the feeling you have that somehow you are 215 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,480 defective, that's really, really heavy. And um, 216 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,960 people have said to us, they said it feels 217 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,440 shameful to admit that you all burnt out. And 218 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,360 another doctor said to us, it's in our bone marrow 219 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:33,160 that struggle is weakness. And we don't feel this 220 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,760 way by accident. We've sort of been trained into 221 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,040 it by this culture that calls needing a break, 222 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,660 needing some slee sleep, a weakness. So you need 223 00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:45,020 to be angry at that. We need to be angry at our 224 00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:46,940 programming, the way that we've been groomed to 225 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:50,260 think that, not at ourselves. Our bodies were just 226 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:53,020 responding in a human way, in a way that any other 227 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,500 human would respond to that amount of pressure. 228 00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:58,020 But the problem is when we get those feelings, 229 00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:01,220 when we're feeling shame about the fact that we 230 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:04,060 had to take any time off at all, we then come 231 00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:06,500 back, we over deliver, we say yes, much faster. We 232 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:10,230 try to prove that we are in fact fine, which puts 233 00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:13,470 even more load on that exact spot that's already 234 00:11:13,470 --> 00:11:16,830 bent on that metal pole. So that is a shame tax. 235 00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:19,630 You come back and you start paying straight away 236 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,710 to try to prove that you shouldn't have needed the 237 00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:25,270 time at all. And one of our listeners said to us, 238 00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,950 I worry that I may not get a consultant job in the 239 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,590 future if I go off sick. And the reason you feel 240 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,470 this is because you really care and because you 241 00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:37,080 are reliable and you want to be known as someone 242 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:41,240 who's reliable. That being reliable really got you 243 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,960 into this in the first place, because you're the 244 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,720 one who notices. You're the one that everyone can 245 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,960 depend on. Uh, that's amazing. But also it's your 246 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,920 kryptonite. It's the thing that the load will just 247 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,280 attach itself to. And if you're a frog sitting in 248 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,800 that pan of water which is heating up due to all 249 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,080 those external demands, this is just another thing 250 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,080 that's going to make the water hotter for you, 251 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,820 that you're not a frog, you get to notice what's 252 00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:13,980 going on. And what's going on is that when you've 253 00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:17,020 come back after a period of stress or burnout, 254 00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:20,940 things feel a lot heavier for two reasons at once. 255 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,820 Number one, the metal's already been bent, so 256 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,300 there is that place that's particularly vulnerable 257 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,660 that will bend again quicker. And then secondly, 258 00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:32,700 often you're carrying this feeling of shame on top 259 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:35,130 of the same load, so, so you're doing the same 260 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,690 job, but it feels a lot heavier. And of course I'm 261 00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:40,090 not going to stand here and tell you that the 262 00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:42,730 system is totally fine. It's all in your head. Of 263 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,810 course, it isn't like we know that we're all 264 00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:47,570 working in systems that are uh, under resourced 265 00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:51,940 over demanding. There's too much work. And um, 266 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:54,170 most systems that people are working in right now, 267 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,530 they seem to be pretty broken. And it may not 268 00:12:57,530 --> 00:13:02,220 change anytime soon. This is true. And yet going 269 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:06,500 back into that system unchanged, going back to 270 00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,900 drinking that water, the same thing is going to 271 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,380 happen again. Now naming this isn't blaming 272 00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:14,180 anybody. It's just seeing it for exactly what it 273 00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:16,660 is. And if you go back and you've changed the 274 00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,260 wrong thing, just like the surface stuff, like 275 00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:22,540 just trying to reduce sessions or getting yourself 276 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,740 into a much, much easier role that you could do 277 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:26,730 with your eyes shut, I don't think that's the 278 00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:29,330 solution. Although for some people they absolutely 279 00:13:29,330 --> 00:13:31,890 need to reduce their hours and to change their 280 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:35,330 role. But that needs to be for positive reasons 281 00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:38,450 like changing your role to be something where 282 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,050 you're using all your unique strengths and skills 283 00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:43,570 where you can get into flow that you really love 284 00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:45,530 doing. Now that's a great reason to change your 285 00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:48,930 role. Not just because you felt so responsible in 286 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:51,370 the other role that this is the only way you can 287 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:53,630 think of to drop some of that responsibility. 288 00:13:54,110 --> 00:13:56,830 You've got two options here. You can just go back 289 00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:59,830 to the same load, carrying the responsibility by 290 00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:03,030 default for everybody and everything and with 291 00:14:03,030 --> 00:14:05,750 extra shame and worry about what everybody else 292 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:08,710 thinks stacked on top of it. And just like that 293 00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:10,990 tent pole, the metal is going to give way much, 294 00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:13,310 much sooner. That's uh, just the maths of what 295 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:16,670 will happen if you go back and change. Or a lot of 296 00:14:16,670 --> 00:14:19,270 people just believe that there isn't any way to 297 00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:21,910 drop the load without resigning. That sort of 298 00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:25,110 halving your sessions or doing something much, 299 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:29,030 much easier. Like the only options are continue to 300 00:14:29,030 --> 00:14:31,950 your burnout, uh, gain or to leave or even just to 301 00:14:31,950 --> 00:14:34,270 work harder. And it ends up feeling quite 302 00:14:34,270 --> 00:14:37,710 hopeless. But that's the lie. Because the load 303 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,630 isn't actually fixed, even though the workload is 304 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,950 all there. And that might not change you. You can 305 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:47,320 actually change what you carry. And here's the bit 306 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,280 that matters the most. Changing that does not 307 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,200 depend on the system fixing itself. It doesn't 308 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:56,520 even depend on having more staff or a better 309 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,120 rotor. Because if you're depending on that, that 310 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,240 might never come. But it depends on you finding 311 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:06,120 another way to lighten the load. Being able to put 312 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,720 some of that responsibility down without having to 313 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,910 leave work altogether or. Or totally drop your 314 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:15,910 role. When I first started doing what I'm doing 315 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:19,150 now, ironically, I took myself with me and even 316 00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:22,150 though I was a resilience trainer, I ended up 317 00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:24,190 circling burnout again because I felt so 318 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:27,440 responsible for my team, for everything. And, um, 319 00:15:27,550 --> 00:15:29,470 I've had to take a long, hard look at my 320 00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,270 relationship with responsibility. And even though 321 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,670 I actually probably work longer hours now, I feel 322 00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,220 much less stressed, much less burnt out. Why? 323 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,060 Because my relationship with that responsibility 324 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:44,620 has 100% changed. I'm carrying a much lighter load 325 00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:48,540 because I have put a lot of it down and I've 326 00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:50,820 managed to stay in my performance zone where I can 327 00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:54,220 protect my time, manage my energy and embrace my 328 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,980 finite capacity. Because the way to stay in your 329 00:15:56,980 --> 00:16:00,140 performance zone is not just to develop a lot of 330 00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:03,740 mental toughness so I can just swallow the whole 331 00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:08,130 load and keep going without bending. It's not. 332 00:16:08,130 --> 00:16:11,850 It's to understand why you're carrying it in the 333 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:15,050 first place and then to carry it differently. So 334 00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:18,010 it's not the usual advice. It's not this 5am 335 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,010 routine so that you can survive a, uh, 15 hour 336 00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:24,210 day. It's not maximising your well being or trying 337 00:16:24,210 --> 00:16:27,050 that new amazing time management technique so you 338 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,890 can do twice as much in half the time. Definitely 339 00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:33,940 not that it is boundaries. It's putting down what 340 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:36,540 was not yours to carry. It's holding less of the 341 00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:39,420 responsibility without giving up the work that you 342 00:16:39,420 --> 00:16:41,740 love. And most people really struggle to see how 343 00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:45,540 they do that until they can. And that's the whole 344 00:16:45,540 --> 00:16:48,180 reason why this podcast exists, and it's why we're 345 00:16:48,180 --> 00:16:50,660 going to keep pulling it apart and examining it 346 00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:54,860 episode by episode. So hear this. The tent pole 347 00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:58,920 bent because it was holding too much load, more 348 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,840 than the metal was supposed to carry. Not because 349 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,280 it was weak. You are not weak. You can do the 350 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,200 work, you just don't have to be responsible for 351 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,080 all of it. The workload is always going to be 352 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,760 there. It will probably always be too much for 353 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,280 anybody. There will always be more that you can 354 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,680 do. And, uh, even if there is no one else to do 355 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,000 it, we have to change our relationship with 356 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,920 responsibility. As one of our listeners said to 357 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,480 us, I can now leave work at work because no amount 358 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,280 of worry in the middle of the night changes 359 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,480 anything. I am worth so much more. And you don't 360 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,200 have to prove that you recovered and you're not 361 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,800 weak by carrying that responsibility exactly in 362 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,240 the way that you did before. You are not a frog. 363 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,360 You have other choices apart from getting out or 364 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,640 burning out. There is another way, and, um, we're 365 00:17:49,640 --> 00:18:11,600 going to find that out together. Sam.