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Massive Charisma, small talk, charm, likability, 
and how to succeed with people, written by

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Patrick King, narrated by Russell Newton.

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There’s something about them.

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People with charisma are just so… appealing.

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They’re charming, they’re likable and they 
somehow make everyone gravitate towards them.

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Is it magic?

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Is it just a chemistry thing?

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If you’ve ever wanted to be that person 
in the room with the most magnetic,  

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captivating aura, then this book is for you.

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When we’re in the presence of charismatic people,  

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it can be hard to say precisely 
why we’re so bewitched.

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Charisma can start to seem like something 
that you’re just born with… or not.

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But thankfully, this kind of allure is not 
some mysterious power that only a few possess.

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It’s 100% a social skill that you can practice, 
even if you don’t quite see yourself that way now.

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Charisma is really a collection of 
different behaviors and attitudes  

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that radiate a certain very 
attractive mindset to others.

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We’ll divide our “charisma crash course” into 
two main parts in the chapters that follow.

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First, you’ll learn how to develop your 
own unique brand of charm within yourself.

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Then, in part 2, you’ll learn to carry that aura  

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out into the world and broadcast 
it to those you interact with.

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With charisma, you’re more 
empathetic, more engaging,  

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and a much, much better conversationalist.

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You’re interesting and interested.

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And because you’re witty and emotionally 
intelligent, people like you and trust you.

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It’s hard to imagine an area  

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of life that isn’t improved with a little 
charisma – dating, work, friendships.

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Even chatting to strangers at a 
bus stop becomes an opportunity  

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for winning people over with enchanting banter!

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Before we dive in, though, let’s 
dispel one misconception - being  

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charismatic is NOT about being 
loud, extroverted or cocky.

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In fact, by the end of this book, the hope is that 
you’ll see there are many ways to be charming,  

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whether that’s being flashy and larger than life, 
or quietly confident and a little mysterious.

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A Practical Definition

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Conveniently for us, in 2018, researchers 
at the University of Toronto studied  

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the phenomena of charisma and 
developed a working definition.

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After studying over 1000 people, the team 
concluded that charisma was a mix of two things -

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1.

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Affability

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2.

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Influence

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Affability broadly means that people are 
pleasant to be around and easily approachable.

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However you define it – warmth, pleasantness,  

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friendliness – this is the quality that 
makes you think, “hm, I like this person!”

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Influence is defined as leadership potential,  

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“presence” and the ability to 
influence and persuade people.

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Not only did the team discover that it was 
actually possible to measure these two traits,  

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but also that people were fairly accurate at 
rating themselves – i.e. when self-ratings  

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were compared to ratings by others, 
they were more or less the same.

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They created the General Charisma Inventory (GCI),  

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which you can basically 
complete yourself right now -

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Read the following statements and 
give yourself a rating from 1 to 5,  

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with 1 for “strongly disagree” 
and 5 for “strongly agree."

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The first three are about influence, while 
the latter three are about affability.

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I am someone who…

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•Has a presence in a room

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•Has the ability to influence people

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•Knows how to lead a group

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•Makes people feel comfortable

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•Smiles at people often

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•Can get along with anyone

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To score, simply add up the ratings for 
each, and take that value and divide it by 6.

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If you scored over 3.7, you can 
consider your charisma above average.

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Scored significantly lower than that?

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Don’t worry!

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It’s not as hard as you might think to work 
on these 6 criteria and boost your charm.

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Did you score low in 
influence, affability or both?

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Interestingly, how charismatic you are has nothing  

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to do with your personality type or 
overall intelligence (it may have  

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something to do with whether you’re male 
or female, though – more on that later).

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So, let’s summarize - charisma is characterized by 
the ability to charm, persuade and attract others,  

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and it contains two broad traits, 
affability and the power to influence.

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These two broad traits can be broken 
down into 6 smaller characteristics,  

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such as presence and good rapport with others.

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Let’s take a closer look at the 
basic dos and don’ts of charisma.

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Being More Influential

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Think of a person you consider influential.

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What are they like?

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Maybe you picture someone like Oprah Winfrey,  

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who built a veritable empire for herself, 
and influenced millions of people worldwide.

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Or maybe you picture Mahatma Gandhi,  

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whose non-violent resistance created an aura of 
decisiveness so powerful it influenced nations.

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Maybe the first person to pop into your mind is 
an old-school friend who everybody seemed to love.

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Whoever you think of when you hear “influential,” 
that person is probably one thing - confident.

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Influential people believe in themselves and 
communicate the things they’re passionate about,  

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so much so that other people feel passionate 
and confident about those things, too!

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Think of the most famous political 
speeches in history and how their  

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speakers could transmit their 
energy and enthusiasm to the crowd.

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It’s not ever about arrogance 
or narcissism, though.

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Instead, it’s about that person’s presence.

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Picture someone walking into a room, head held 
high, smile on their face, body language open.

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They greet everyone in the room 
confidently, and when they speak,  

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their voice is sure, crisp and clear.

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Immediately, they seem to take up a 
certain amount of space in the room.

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Compare this to someone who slinks in shyly,  

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shoulders slumped, expression of 
apprehension all over their face.

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Without making eye contact, they 
greet one person and then shuffle  

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off to a corner somewhere, 
speaking quietly, if at all.

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It’s obvious - this person 
simply takes up less room.

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However, taking up more “space” is not just 
about being literally larger than life.

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People try to cheat with this and wear 
outrageous, attention-grabbing clothing  

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or speak too loudly – this will catch people’s 
attention for a second, but is unlikely to hold it  

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if there is no genuine confidence and 
gravity in your presence beyond the costume!

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We don’t automatically think that loud, 
domineering people are confident or charismatic.

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This proves that it’s about so much 
more than who is making the most noise,  

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but a kind of relaxed, open poise that 
communicates a deeper level of confidence.

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Do this - Before you walk into 
a room or start a conversation,  

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literally stand tall and stretch 
your arms high over your head.

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Take deep breaths.

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Imagine a light at the center of your chest.

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This light is who you are, the best of 
you, and what you have to offer the world.

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Imagine proudly and courageously shining this 
light out when you move around the world,  

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with open body language and a smile.

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Another option is to visualize – imagine,  

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for example, that you’re a proud, 
regal lion or even a king or queen.

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If you like, remind yourself of your achievements 
or of a compliment you’ve been given.

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Allow that to guide your posture and demeanor.

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One final way to immediately get into this open, 
optimistic posture is to imagine that the people  

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you’re about to encounter are already your 
friends, and that you will be received warmly.

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Imagine that you’re meeting old, much-loved 
friends who are dying to see you.

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Carry that unguarded expectation and 
optimism into any new interaction.

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Don't do this - If you have a core belief that 
certain people or situations are threatening,  

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then this attitude will manifest in your 
expression, your posture and your voice.

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You will transmit an attitude (no matter 
how subtle or unconscious) or fearfulness,  

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reluctance or hostility – and that will 
immediately destroy any chance of charisma.

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So, whatever you do, don’t enter into any  

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interaction where you’re quietly 
thinking, “these people hate me."

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This attitude will make you shrivel, 
shrink and fold into yourself,  

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immediately taking up less space 
and losing presence in the room.

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In the same vein, try not to inhabit 
a mindset of force or desperation.

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This can be subtle, but if you are running a 
tape in your head that goes don’t let other  

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people see how uncomfortable you are, 
play it cool, look confident OR ELSE,  

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then you are actually going to transmit 
that feeling of fear and not a feeling  

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of confidence (which, remember, is 
characteristically calm, not frantic).

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What about influencing others?

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Presence is one thing, but to encourage 
others to think or do certain things,  

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you’ll need to have one important thing - energy.

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You have to not only believe 
in yourself (confidence,  

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taking up space) but believe 
in what you’re saying.

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If you can genuinely muster enthusiasm 
and optimism for your point of view,  

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people will be more attracted to it.

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If you’re non-committal?

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Others will respond in the same lukewarm 
way, if they pay attention at all.

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Do this - Find your real passion, 
and speak fervently about it.

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You can’t fake enthusiasm.

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People can tell when they’re being manipulated 
or advertised to – but they love it when others  

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are fired up with their own mission, 
and are following their own north star.

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They love that enthusiasm so much they 
want to follow that north star, too!

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Whether you’re trying to get 
people to do something or not,  

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speak out about what matters to you (even if you 
will actually “lose” some people in the process!).

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Passionate about animal rights?

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About good food?

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A sport?

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Have you always been zealous about a 
particular hobby, interest or view?

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Then say so!

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At the very least, be bold and confident 
in stating what you like and want.

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Don’t sit on the fence.

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Do you have an unusual preference or opinion?

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Share it proudly, without 
diluting your true feelings.

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Don't do this - “Uh, I don’t 
know, what do you think?"

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Not very inspiring, right?

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Banish these words from your vocabulary.

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Even though you might feel that way inside, 
don’t second guess or self-doubt out loud.

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Charismatic people are relaxed, 
confident and sure of themselves.

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So, if you portray anxiety, uncertainty 
or doubt in the value of your ideas,  

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you can expect others to do the same.

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One thing to be on guard about 
is regurgitating the passion and  

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enthusiasm of other people… in 
other words, being inauthentic.

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Here’s a secret - You don’t have to conform!

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If you can genuinely express a unique, 
truly original perception that has  

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not been heavily influenced by 
whatever everyone else thinks,  

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you will immediately appear 
more interesting and distinct.

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Plus, this communicates confidence 
and intelligence – because not only  

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are you able to think for yourself, 
but you are strong enough to convey  

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that instead of going along with 
convention for the sake of it.

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Finally, make a point of not complaining, whining 
or expressing dissatisfaction about yourself.

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It’s the opposite of inspiring passion.

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Here’s another secret - people don’t really 
mind if others are wrong or different,  

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so long as they are confidently, authentically so!

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If your unusual opinion or experience is presented  

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respectfully and in the spirit of good 
conversation, it will always be better  

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received than if you merely parroted 
the same old things people always do.

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Finally, what about leadership?

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If you are confident and can speak 
clearly about your passions, then  

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you will automatically find yourself 
in the position of leading others.

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The good news is that there 
is really no such thing as  

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a “natural” leader – if you have 
a compelling and genuine vision,  

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and you communicate that well to 
others, they will be inspired to follow.

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Do this - Speak TO people and not AT them.

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What do they value?

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What do they want?

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How do they make sense of the world?

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Speak to your audience’s highest selves.

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When you talk to them, communicate so that you 
center their perspective, rather than your own.

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Make your vision so real 
for them they can taste it.

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For example, if you’re part of a 
committee and you’re trying to get  

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people to see the wisdom of a new plan 
you’re proposing, you might listen to  

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the way they speak and reflect that back to 
them, using their words and not your own.

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You might adjust how you speak to frame the 
plan to align with their values and principles.

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“I know that you’re a family man, and you’re 
as concerned as I am about child safeguarding.”

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Don't do this - Treat people 
as objects to be moved.

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Force and manipulation might work in 
the very short term but ultimately fail.

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You may have a brilliant idea,  

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but if you force it on others with no 
respect for them, they won’t listen.

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Avoid appealing to your audience’s 
lowest selves – the part of them  

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that responds from fear or hate or negativity.

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This will not be felt as 
influence, but manipulation.

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“Well, you have kids.

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Wouldn’t you feel really guilty if 
you let something bad happen to them?”

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Being More Affable

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Many politicians are quite 
influential… but nobody likes them.

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Influence is only half of charisma 
– people also need to like you.

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Many people who struggle with socializing fail to  

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realize the most important part of being 
likeable - making other people feel good.

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It’s not about getting others 
to think you’re great; rather,  

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it’s about making sure they feel 
comfortable, listened to, and respected.

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When people feel that they are liked in this 
way, then, as if by magic, they like you.

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Being more affable is easy once 
you get out of your own head.

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The easiest (almost too easy) way to 
be more affable is simply to smile.

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Smile as often as you can.

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Remember that people cannot see into your inner  

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experience – they can only see what 
you’re broadcasting on your face.

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So be aware of your facial muscles 
and what they’re communicating.

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Check in occasionally and consciously 
remind yourself to loosen your jaw,  

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unclench your forehead muscles and 
gently lift the corners of your mouth.

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Do this - You don’t have to 
grin from ear to ear constantly.

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But encourage yourself to smile more,  

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especially if you’re someone who considers 
themselves a little pessimistic or grumpy!

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How your face moves is a 
part of your body language.

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You can practice genuine smiles by 
thinking of things that make you happy.

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It’s a trick photographers use - 
they ask their models to imagine  

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someone they love, or remember a hilarious moment.

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They can’t help but smile or laugh.

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A smile doesn’t have to be enormous  

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to have an effect – as long as it’s warm 
and genuine, it will have an effect.

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Making other people feel comfortable 
is a big part of affability.

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It’s easy to imagine why -

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Person A - Good looking, intelligent,  

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00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:48,680
accomplished, fascinating, 
and makes you feel at ease

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00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:52,200
Person B - Good looking, 
intelligent, accomplished,  

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00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,040
fascinating, and makes you feel like garbage

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Person A has charisma… person B is just 
intimidating, or even an outright bully!

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Putting other people at ease takes 
emotional intelligence and empathy  

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(which we’ll cover at length in a later chapter).

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A certain degree of emotional and social maturity  

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is required - charismatic people 
don’t see social interactions as  

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a chance to boast or as a battleground 
in which they demolish their opponents.

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00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:28,720
Rather, they genuinely like other 
people and enjoy interacting with them.

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00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:33,760
Ask yourself honestly, do you 
enter conversations with a  

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00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,000
genuine desire to listen to what other people say?

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00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:42,560
Do you approach other people with curiosity 
to learn what they could teach you?

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00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:48,320
The best way to put other people at ease and make 
them comfortable is to pay attention to them.

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00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:53,600
Listen to what they’re saying (not what you 
think they’re saying!) and show that you  

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00:19:53,600 --> 00:20:00,040
value and respect that perspective, rather 
than just barging in to share your own.

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00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:06,720
You will win people’s trust and 
admiration if you treat them with care.

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00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,680
Do this - Remember details.

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00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,880
How do you feel when people don’t spell your name  

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00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:18,720
right or completely forget what you 
told them in detail just yesterday?

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00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,440
Unheard.

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00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,360
A dazzling and interesting person who 
barely acknowledges your existence is  

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00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:29,880
not charismatic – they’re more like 
a self-involved diva or celebrity.

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00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:35,800
Instead, make a point of listening 
with care to what you’re told.

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00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:42,040
Remember facts that people tell you, and 
bring them up casually in later conversations.

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00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:47,520
If you can do this and engage with others as 
though they’re genuinely the most fascinating  

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00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:55,560
person on the planet (in that moment, they 
are!), then you will instantly boost your appeal.

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00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,600
Don't do this - Interrupt.

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00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:06,640
It’s something so easy and so tempting to 
do, and it so quickly destroys rapport.

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00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,840
When you interrupt, you’re basically 
telling the other person, “What I’m  

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00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,480
saying is more important than what you’re saying."

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00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:19,120
Obviously, this will not 
make them feel comfortable.

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00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,480
Wait a few seconds after they 
finish speaking before you speak.

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00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,680
Some of us tend to interrupt 
others for purely innocent reasons.

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00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:33,360
We might get excited about what we’re hearing and, 
without thinking, jump in to share our thoughts,  

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00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:37,320
perhaps even trying to finish the 
other person’s sentence for them.

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00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:44,240
It’s an easy habit to fall into, but just 
as easy to be mindful and bite your tongue.

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00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,760
Beware of more subtle forms of interrupting, too.

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00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:52,000
If you continually change the 
topic, ignore what’s been said,  

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00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:58,720
or deliberately steer the conversation to yourself 
over and over again, the effect is the same.

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00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,080
Let go of any conversational agenda and let  

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00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:06,560
the other person take charge 
and steer things for a while.

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00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,240
Finally, charismatic people 
get along with everybody.

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00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,320
This is important – they don’t 
just get along with those they  

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00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,760
like or those they’re similar to, but everybody.

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00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:25,960
Two things can help you get on better with people, 
whoever they are - optimism and non-judgment.

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00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,640
Charismatic people are positive people.

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00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:33,160
They’re solution oriented, resilient, 
and look on the bright side.

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00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:37,400
They live in the moment and 
are flexible and adaptable.

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00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:42,800
They see the good in themselves 
(self-confidence) but also the good in others.

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00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:47,800
They see conversations as opportunities 
for learning and connection,  

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00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:54,400
and challenges as invitations to 
improve – that is, they’re curious.

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00:22:54,400 --> 00:23:01,280
If you are constantly negative, you bring an 
entirely different energy to interactions.

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00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:08,960
You have an aura of difficulty, resistance, 
opposition, or just plain old dissatisfaction.

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00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,640
Who would be attracted to that?

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00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:16,600
The truth is that even when we think we’re 
saying and doing all the right things,  

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00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:22,160
our underlying emotional frequency 
can still be felt by those around us.

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00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:27,680
If you add judgment into this 
mix, things are even worse.

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00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:33,760
Do this - Express gratitude often and openly.

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00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,760
Something magical happens when 
you demonstrate appreciation,  

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00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,280
and you’ll instantly come across as more positive.

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00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:47,120
It can be a simple question of saying, 
“wow, here comes some beautiful rain!

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00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,400
My garden is going to love 
all this water,” instead of  

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00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,600
complaining bitterly about the lack of sunshine.

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00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:58,840
Even better if you can express gratitude 
for the other person, instead of criticism.

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00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:03,840
Rather than dwelling on how weird 
you find someone, say instead,  

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00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:10,040
“That’s what I love about you, 
you’re not like anyone else I know!”

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00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,960
Don't do this - Judge.

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00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,880
That includes yourself!

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00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,800
Avoid gossiping or complaining about others,  

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00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:22,720
but especially avoid talking 
negatively about yourself.

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00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:27,560
It may seem harmless (some people even 
believe that a good gossip session brings  

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00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:34,400
people together!), but it ultimately makes you 
look negative and insecure, and it gives others  

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00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:42,200
the unconscious feeling that you might apply that 
same attitude to everyone else, including them.

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00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:50,120
Instead, say something constructive or 
at the least keep criticisms to yourself.

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00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:53,960
Ask a question or shine the 
light on the other person.

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00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,480
Keep it playful and open-ended.

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00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:04,800
And there you have it – we have demystified 
charisma and pinned it down to six very  

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00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:12,040
practical, very simple skills you can try 
today, in your very next conversation -

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00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:13,160
1.

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00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:20,560
Open up your posture and take up space; 
assume that people are already your friends

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00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:21,560
2.

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00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:27,600
Speak up about your passions 
and drop self-doubting language

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00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,320
3.

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00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:36,360
Address people’s higher selves and their 
values to influence and win them over

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00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,640
4.

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00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:43,360
Use happy memories to encourage 
yourself to smile more

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00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:44,400
5.

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00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:49,440
Show people you’re paying attention 
by remembering conversational details,  

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00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:54,080
and never interrupt, to put them at ease

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00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,480
6.

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00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:02,960
Express gratitude rather than criticism 
and judgment, to appear more optimistic

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00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:08,720
As you can see, none of the above require 
any magical powers or special talents – with  

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00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:16,400
a little effort and practice, they can 
all be measured, learnt and developed.

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00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,280
Zooming In On Personal Charisma

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00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:25,080
Ronald east Riggio is the 
Henry R. Kravis Professor  

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00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:31,520
of Leadership and Organizational Psychology 
at Claremont McKenna College in California,  

335
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:38,160
and he’s been studying charisma for decades, 
particularly when it comes to leadership.

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00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:45,520
For Riggio, personal charisma is basically 
a complicated mix of social skills that  

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00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:53,040
allows people to deeply affect others on an 
emotional level, primarily using communication.

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00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:58,040
It’s not just that you possess a group of 
nifty skills, but that all the skills come  

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00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:04,560
together cohesively, making a deep 
impact on other people emotionally.

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00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,800
Whether on a social or emotional 
level, charismatic people are

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00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,600
1. expressive

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00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,160
2. sensitive to other people’s expression, and

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00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:23,640
3. able to control both of these masterfully, 
according to the context and their own needs

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00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:29,400
Emotional awareness and social intelligence 
are key here, and with enough practice,  

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00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:35,160
you can bring both skills together 
into one big, charming package.

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00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:42,120
It’s interesting to note that the things we might 
associate with charisma (intelligence, being  

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00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:50,880
“right,” accomplishments, social status, wealth, 
attractiveness, etc.) are not what it’s all about.

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00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:56,800
Let’s look at what Riggio calls the six 
foundational building blocks of charisma.

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00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:01,680
Each is based on how well we 
send messages (expressiveness),  

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00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:07,200
receive them (sensitivity), or control ourselves.

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00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:14,200
Take careful note how each of these 
six can be developed intentionally.

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00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,680
Emotional Expressiveness

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00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,840
You know who isn’t charismatic?

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00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,400
A robot.

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00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:28,120
Stoic, restrained or emotionless people 
may be read as cold and unengaged.

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00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:33,720
Remember our definition - charisma is 
about making an emotional impact on people.

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00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,000
You don’t do that with a 
list of rational arguments.

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00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,280
You do that by expressing emotion yourself.

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00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:45,920
Spontaneously and genuinely express how you feel.

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00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:52,880
When you’re animated and energetic, you seem 
more alive, more intelligent and more engrossing.

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00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:58,160
When you demonstrate that you can be 
moved, that you have an opinion, and that  

362
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:05,560
you’re dynamic and changeable, you appear 
more human and more trustworthy to others.

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00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:11,760
Do this - To be more expressive… use expressions.

364
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,600
Allow your face to be animated.

365
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,680
As you talk, imagine that all the sound is muted,  

366
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:22,640
or that your audience is hard of 
hearing, and you have to mime a little.

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00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:27,440
Could an audience guess your meaning 
from your facial expression alone?

368
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:32,200
Communicate with all of your body 
– use hand gestures and postures.

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00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:37,560
If you’re telling a funny story, inject 
a dramatic pause before the punchline,  

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00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:45,400
modulate your voice, and use big, broad gestures 
and facial expressions to add color and interest.

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00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,160
Not sure how?

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00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,080
Watch standup comedians with 
the sound off and look at how  

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00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,640
they use their bodies to express themselves.

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00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,200
Sometimes, a whole world of 
meaning can be communicated by  

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00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:05,600
a well-timed eyebrow lift or 
a single outlandish adjective.

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00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:12,200
If this seems difficult, one easy trick to 
remember is just to be moved by your own story.

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00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,360
If you’re saying something funny,  

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00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:19,960
laugh and let your face reflect the 
joy you have in recounting the tale.

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00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:27,440
If you’re trying to communicate an astonishing 
anecdote, literally pause and let your face  

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00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:36,280
reflect that amazement – your audience won’t be 
able to help going along with you as they listen.

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00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:40,440
Don't do this - Be boring in your speech.

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00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,640
Instead, use colorful and inventive language.

383
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:49,880
Don’t rush to get to the end (unconfident 
people do this because they’re unconvinced  

384
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:56,240
they deserve much “airtime”), and don’t 
downplay what you’re saying (for example,  

385
00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:02,240
“Oh, so I guess you could say it 
was kind of amazing… but anyway…”).

386
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:11,440
Be a little unexpected and fresh, describe things 
in unusual ways, or use unique turns of phrase.

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00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:18,680
On a related note, steer clear of swearing – not 
because it’s vulgar, but because it’s uncreative!

388
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:25,480
If you must be vulgar, at least 
find a novel way to do it…

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00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,920
Emotional Sensitivity

390
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:33,800
Being a sophisticated communicator is 
not just about sending a clear message,  

391
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,160
but receiving other people’s messages, too.

392
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:41,440
You simply cannot connect with 
people emotionally if you don’t  

393
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,600
even know what emotions they’re experiencing.

394
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:51,520
You need to be able to accurately perceive other 
people’s emotions – and respond to what you see.

395
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:55,080
This is the ability to notice when 
you’ve lost someone’s attention,  

396
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,680
when they’re feeling uncomfortable, 
or when you’re connecting with them.

397
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,280
In other words, it’s empathy.

398
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:08,040
In a later chapter, we’ll look more closely 
at exactly how to improve empathy skills,  

399
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,360
but for the time being, it’s enough 
to know that empathy is nothing more  

400
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:17,560
than a heightened ability to truly 
perceive another person’s reality.

401
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,120
You only need to pay attention.

402
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,040
Truth be told, many of us are bad 
at this not because it’s difficult,  

403
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,840
but because we don’t actually take the time to 
ask ourselves what the other person is feeling.

404
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:34,840
Becoming good at “reading 
people” takes time and practice.

405
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,680
Do this - Want to know what people feel?

406
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,480
Ask them!

407
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:47,320
The question alone already communicates a 
willingness to empathize, and that’s worth a lot.

408
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:52,040
It can be very refreshing and 
attractive when someone says,  

409
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,320
“Can I just be really honest 
with you for a second?"

410
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,200
Ask where they’re at  

411
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:06,760
emotionally, and then genuinely listen to 
the answer you receive, without judgment.

412
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,680
Don't do this - Make assumptions.

413
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:18,120
Yes, empathy helps you read body language, 
but often, no single gesture or expression  

414
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:22,680
means anything; if you’re talking to 
a stranger, it’s difficult to find  

415
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:28,120
patterns in their behavior since you don’t have a 
“baseline” and there’s nothing to compare it to.

416
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,320
It’s easier to just read the room!

417
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,880
Pay close attention to how people 
respond to you in the moment,  

418
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,680
before you say or do the next thing.

419
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,800
This stops you from getting carried away in  

420
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:45,000
a monologue or being insensitive to 
your listener’s emotional wavelength.

421
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:50,080
It also gives you time to 
correct faulty assumptions.

422
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,080
Emotional Control

423
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:57,000
Genuinely charismatic people 
are never out of control.

424
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:02,560
They always seem to be aware of and in command 
of themselves, so they never end up losing  

425
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:08,720
their temper or indulging in emotional 
displays they’re later embarrassed about.

426
00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:10,800
But, this is difficult.

427
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,640
How can we be “emotionally expressive” 
while also controlling our emotions?

428
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,960
Don’t those contradict?

429
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:23,000
The truth is that charm and charisma 
do contain an element of artifice.

430
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:27,720
While charisma may be spontaneous 
and genuine, it is never unaware.

431
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:36,080
In other words, charismatic people know how 
to turn the charm on and off, as needed.

432
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:42,280
They know how to “act” to a certain extent, 
downplaying certain emotions if necessary.

433
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,000
For example, they can smile and 
relax even when they feel nervous,  

434
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,960
and stay quiet when they know it’s no use arguing.

435
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:57,640
Emotional control allows people to stay 
ultra-calm even in the face of insults or chaos.

436
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:05,840
Do this - Get into the habit 
of slowing down to breathe.

437
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:10,920
We can blurt things without thinking 
when we’re flustered or overwhelmed,  

438
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:16,720
but literally a second or two of deep 
breathing can center us and remind us  

439
00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:20,920
that we’re in control of how we handle ourselves.

440
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:26,480
Pause before you respond 
so you can gather yourself.

441
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,560
Don't do this - Get defensive.

442
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:30,960
Ever.

443
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:36,000
If you’re ever feeling in 
over your head, use humor.

444
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:43,920
Playfully making fun of the situation or dropping 
in an unexpected quip can defuse tension.

445
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:51,880
Respond to rudeness, mistakes or sudden 
setbacks (your own or other’s!) with lightness.

446
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,960
Maintain your emotional “frame” 
and remind yourself that nothing  

447
00:35:55,960 --> 00:36:01,560
and nobody can make you feel 
or behave in a certain way.

448
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:10,520
Be less emotionally reactive by just brushing 
things off instead of getting flustered by them.

449
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,840
Social Expressiveness

450
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:21,280
This refers to sociability and being able to 
engage and express yourself in social situations.

451
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:27,120
It could mean holding your own in a social 
group, or public speaking with confidence.

452
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:31,880
Social expressiveness is most 
often associated with extroversion,  

453
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:35,280
but it doesn’t need to be – 
even if you’re an introvert,  

454
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:41,200
it doesn’t mean you can’t articulate 
yourself confidently in social situations.

455
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:46,040
This area may feel challenging for 
people who don’t find socializing easy,  

456
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:51,680
but the good news is that it 
improves with consistent practice.

457
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:57,960
Do this - Yes, it’s true that everyone 
says to “be yourself” and act natural,  

458
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:03,360
but for this social skill, it may work 
to do the opposite - act a little.

459
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:07,200
Watch videos of talk show 
hosts, standup comedians,  

460
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,280
actors or public personalities 
you admire for their charisma.

461
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,200
Watch what they do and copy them.

462
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:19,600
Granted, you don’t want to base your entire 
identity on this persona, but it can be a great  

463
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:26,840
way to kick start your own innate charisma 
and give you some practice and confidence.

464
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,000
Consider signing up for a public speaking course,  

465
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:34,840
or joining an improv class, dance 
troupe or amateur drama group.

466
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:41,760
Try standup comedy, an open mic night 
or simply speak up more in groups.

467
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:47,200
You may be petrified at first, but 
practice really does make perfect.

468
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:52,160
Frame the exercise as simply having a 
laugh rather than performing perfectly.

469
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:57,440
You’ll lower the stakes and teach yourself 
not to let fear of failure get in the way.

470
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:08,720
Don't do this - Be a slob, i.e., careless 
with how you dress and present yourself.

471
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:13,480
Much of our communication happens 
before we even open our mouths.

472
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:17,080
Think about what your clothing and 
accessories are saying about you,  

473
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:23,760
and challenge yourself to take a risk and 
express your individuality a little more.

474
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:27,680
It may sound too obvious, but 
many amazing conversations have  

475
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:34,120
been spurred by people wearing 
provocative slogan t-shirts!

476
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:37,440
Social Sensitivity

477
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:42,240
Just as you can become more masterful in 
what you communicate to others and how,  

478
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:47,440
you can also improve your ability to 
read what others are broadcasting.

479
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:54,720
An impressive person is nice to look at from 
afar, but a charismatic person is nice to be with.

480
00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:58,440
When you’re in their presence, 
you feel seen and listened to,  

481
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:04,000
you feel that they’re the most interesting 
person you’ve ever met… and also, somehow,  

482
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,840
that you are more interesting than you remember!

483
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:14,440
It's the difference between watching a perfectly 
choreographed dance performance on a stage,  

484
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:19,920
versus being up close and personal with 
a good dancer, who is dancing with us,  

485
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:25,720
responding spontaneously and 
sensitively in every moment.

486
00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:32,160
This ability to feel and respond to people 
dynamically is down to social sensitivity.

487
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:37,160
When people lack this ability, it starts to 
feel like you’re both in separate worlds,  

488
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:42,480
having two conversations that have 
nothing to do with each other.

489
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:50,440
Do this - Practice being sensitive 
to overall surroundings and context.

490
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,200
The next time you’re in a new social situation,  

491
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:57,720
pause and read the situation 
before speaking or acting.

492
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:00,760
What is the “energy” of the room?

493
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:08,000
If the group shared one broad emotion and 
intention at this moment, what would it be?

494
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:15,800
More practically, what are the social conventions 
and cultural assumptions around this gathering?

495
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,760
Watch people.

496
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,160
Devote an hour or so to (unobtrusively)  

497
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:27,400
observe others passing by, and just 
notice what’s going on with them.

498
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,800
Especially try to read their emotions,  

499
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:37,320
and how those emotions are reflected in 
their bodies, faces, voices, everything.

500
00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:41,920
It may sound odd, but meditating 
can also make you a better listener,  

501
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:49,200
which can improve your communication and empathy 
skills, which can make you more charismatic.

502
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:57,000
Often, we rush into conversations with an agenda 
or assumptions about who the other person is.

503
00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:05,000
However, if you’re mindful, you can stop and 
just look at what is actually in front of you.

504
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:06,800
Drop your expectations,  

505
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:11,960
judgments and preconceptions and just 
neutrally observe what is happening.

506
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:17,160
You may find yourself so much 
more in tune with others!

507
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:22,640
Don't do this - Avoid talking about yourself.

508
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:27,520
Even if you’re not bragging or boasting, 
constantly turning the conversation to  

509
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:33,440
your ideas, your experiences, 
and your opinions is boring.

510
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:37,440
Instead, next time you’re tempted 
to say something about yourself,  

511
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,480
deliberately choose to ask 
the other person a question.

512
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:44,080
Most people don’t actually conceal themselves;  

513
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:51,400
there’s a world of fascinating information 
right there, if you only care to ask!

514
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,560
Social Control

515
00:41:53,560 --> 00:42:00,040
Finally, the social role-playing skill that 
charismatic people are especially good at,  

516
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:06,240
which non-charismatic people never 
even consider - social control.

517
00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:08,760
This can be difficult to describe, especially to  

518
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:13,360
people who think of social interaction 
in terms of authenticity and honesty.

519
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:18,320
The truth is, however, that all human 
social interaction is deliberate,  

520
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,280
purposeful and rule-bound.

521
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:27,280
In other words, we all play roles 
– even when we’re ourselves!

522
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,320
If you have above-average social control,  

523
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:37,280
you’re able to skilfully switch roles 
depending on the situation and your goals.

524
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,840
You may play up your artistic, 
carefree side when on a date,  

525
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:47,200
but switch to hard-nosed taskmaster 
at work, where it matters.

526
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:52,440
You may be very aware of how others perceive 
you, and choose to gently present a particular  

527
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:57,400
version of yourself to them, according 
to what you’re trying to achieve.

528
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,800
Now, for some people, this 
skill can look dishonest or  

529
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:04,680
manipulative – and taken too far, it can be!

530
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:06,920
But you only need to see 
someone who doesn’t possess  

531
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:10,280
this skill to understand why it’s so important.

532
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,880
Do you know “blunt” people who 
insist on speaking their minds  

533
00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:19,040
regardless of social context 
or the negative ramifications?

534
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:23,240
Using a little poise, grace and etiquette is  

535
00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:29,080
actually an intelligent way to control 
social situations to your advantage.

536
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:37,360
Don’t confuse rudeness, roughness or lack 
of social awareness with authenticity.

537
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:45,760
At the same time, don’t assume that 
“wearing a mask” is always disingenuous.

538
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:50,000
Do this - Learn to love small talk.

539
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:55,760
Many introverts loathe small talk, 
and prefer deep, meaty topics.

540
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,680
But this is no different from going on a first  

541
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:02,040
date and taking your clothes 
off before you’ve said hello!

542
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:06,440
Small talk is not small – it’s 
an important, necessary part of  

543
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:11,880
creating trust and rapport with people, so 
that you can build connections over time.

544
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:15,760
To get good at small talk, just practice more.

545
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:22,720
Chat to waiters, people in supermarket 
lines or the guy on the help line.

546
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:27,280
Don't do this - Don’t avoid strangers.

547
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:32,120
Challenge yourself to speak to 
new people as often as you can.

548
00:44:32,120 --> 00:44:35,520
Most of us tend to steer clear of 
interactions with people we don’t  

549
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:42,640
know, but they can be a rich source of 
insight and practice for social skills.

550
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,840
Don’t worry if you encounter 
awkwardness – charismatic  

551
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,960
people are unfazed by this and just keep going!

552
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:55,080
When you encounter a charismatic person, 
they can initially appear to be outside of  

553
00:44:55,080 --> 00:45:02,000
the ordinary somehow, as though they are breaking 
the social rules or doing something very radical.

554
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:08,000
Truthfully, they are playing by the 
rules; they’re just playing very well!

555
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,320
People can make the mistake of thinking 
that charisma and magnetism are fixed  

556
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,000
personal qualities that belong 
to people, like attractiveness.

557
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:21,800
But really, charisma is relational – 
it’s something that emerges in context,  

558
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:26,400
in conversations and dynamic 
interactions with people.

559
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,880
That’s why we cannot be more charismatic by simply  

560
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:34,520
working on ourselves, for 
example, by dressing nicer.

561
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,480
Charisma only happens when we know how to play  

562
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:43,440
the social game – and that means it’s 
not about us but about other people.

563
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:47,120
Let’s go back to our definition 
- a charismatic person is one  

564
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:51,080
who is likeable, and one who can influence others.

565
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:57,160
And according to Riggio, they’re people who are 
good at impacting others on an emotional level,  

566
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:00,360
because they know how to express themselves,  

567
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:05,280
how to perceive others, and 
how to control the situation.

568
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:08,400
How do you compare to this description?

569
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:12,240
In the next chapter, we will look at 
concrete ways to become more charismatic,  

570
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:16,440
but before we do, let’s take a personal inventory.

571
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:20,440
In a journal or notebook, try to 
answer the following questions  

572
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:25,480
to pinpoint which areas you most need to work on -

573
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:26,920
To Measure Your Influence

574
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:29,960
Do I have presence in a room?

575
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:34,120
Am I able to persuade, 
convince and influence others?

576
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:38,040
Am I comfortable with and able to lead a group?

577
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:40,400
To measure your likeability

578
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:43,440
Do people generally feel comfortable around me?

579
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,600
Do I smile genuinely and often?

580
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:50,160
Do I get along with all kinds of people?

581
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,160
To measure emotional skills

582
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,720
Am I emotionally expressive?

583
00:46:54,720 --> 00:47:00,880
Am I able to read, listen to and 
empathize with the emotions of others?

584
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:08,960
Am I good at emotional self-regulation, and can 
I control my feelings (hiding them if necessary?)

585
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,160
To measure social skills

586
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:15,840
Am I comfortable expressing myself 
in public, such as in groups?

587
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:21,080
Am I in tune with social rules, 
etiquette and cultural contexts?

588
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:26,840
Do I know how to play a role, wear a 
mask and control how others perceive me?

589
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:32,920
If you answer each of the above honestly, 
you’ll start to see a clear picture of  

590
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:39,160
where you are currently, and get an 
idea of what to focus on and improve.

591
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,360
Perhaps you discover that you’re an 
emotionally intelligent person with  

592
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:49,600
enormous empathy and sensitivity, but 
you lack confidence in social rules.

593
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,680
Maybe you’re good at leading and inspiring others,  

594
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:56,560
but miss out because you’re 
not likeable – or vice versa!

595
00:47:56,560 --> 00:48:01,040
However you measure up, though, 
remember that anyone can be charismatic,  

596
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:05,240
and by understanding your own unique 
strengths and weaknesses in this area,  

597
00:48:05,240 --> 00:48:13,320
you’ve taken a real step towards becoming the 
most likeable and magnetic version of yourself!

598
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,720
Summary

599
00:48:15,720 --> 00:48:20,880
•Charming people may seem to possess 
a mysterious quality nobody else does,  

600
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:26,760
but charisma is a knowable set of social and 
emotional behaviors that anyone can learn.

601
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:33,200
•Charisma can be defined as a 
blend of likeability and influence.

602
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:39,960
Charismatics have presence in a room, 
can impact and persuade others, can lead,  

603
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:49,000
but also know how to put people at ease, are 
warm, smile often, and get along with anyone.

604
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,960
•Practice taking up more space in a 
room, and examine any core beliefs  

605
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:58,360
that may negatively impact 
your posture and expression.

606
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:02,000
Believe deep down that other 
people are not a threat and  

607
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:06,400
that you have something worthwhile to communicate.

608
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:13,280
•Speak openly about your passions, and when you 
address others, speak to their highest selves.

609
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:18,240
Smile often and remember the 
details of what people tell you.

610
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:24,680
•Don’t interrupt, judge, complain, 
gossip or express negativity.

611
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:29,680
Instead, express gratitude and optimism.

612
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:36,400
•Ronald Riggio broke charisma into 3 social 
and emotional functions - expressiveness,  

613
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:41,640
sensitivity to other people’s 
expressiveness, and self-control.

614
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:43,480
•To be more charismatic,  

615
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:50,560
express yourself emotionally with colorful 
language and dynamic facial expressions.

616
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:54,200
Pay attention to people’s nonverbal expression,  

617
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:59,360
but don’t be afraid to ask 
directly about how others feel.

618
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:03,360
•To improve emotional control, slow down,  

619
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:09,640
breathe and become present, 
rather than reacting mindlessly.

620
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,440
•Acting and improv can help 
you improve social skills,  

621
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:17,240
and the ability to consciously wear a social mask.

622
00:50:17,240 --> 00:50:25,120
Pay attention to how you’re physically presenting 
yourself and dress with care and deliberation.

623
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:30,320
•Finally, learn to “people watch” 
and get into the habit of asking  

624
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:39,600
more questions instead of talking 
about yourself in conversations.

625
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:45,880
This has been Massive Charisma, 
Small Talk, Charm, Likeability,  

626
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:52,720
and How to Succeed with People, written by 
Patrick King, narrated by Russell Newton.

627
00:50:52,720 --> 00:51:01,400
Copyright 2023 by Patrick King. 
Production Copyright by Patrick King.