Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:00]:

Imagine this, a tall, dark, morally ambiguous warrior with piercing eyes, a body built for battle and a deep unwavering devotion to you. He will protect you at all cost, Push you towards your highest potential. And let's be honest. The sex is fantastic. In Bermuda City, we call this archetype, the shadow daddy. And if you're nodding along thinking, yes, please. More of that. You are not alone.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:00:28]:

Women across the world, including myself are staying up way too late, devouring these books, completely captivated by these powerful men. But here's where it gets interesting. What if I told you this obsession with shadow daddies isn't just about escapism? What if these stories are actually guiding you toward a deeper truth about yourself? So today we're exploring the connection between romanticy, Jungian psychology, and the path to individuation. We're about to uncover why we crave these dark dominant mates and what that tells us about our hidden aspects of our own psyche. So let's dive in. Welcome to the Goddess School podcast, where Eastern wisdom meets Western mysticism. I'm your host, Lisa Marie Rankine, author, teacher, and Ayurvedic wellness coach here to help you reclaim your feminine superpowers. And I am so glad you're here.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:01:27]:

Listen, women are magical. They are intuitive, creative, wise, and magnetic. However, in today's fast paced world, these gifts often get buried under a more masculine way of life. Together, we'll awaken those powers. In each episode, I'll take you through sacred teachings like Ayurveda, shadow work, and the mysteries of archetypes and rituals so you can live with more clarity, synchronicity, and joy in all realms of life, like relationships, health, money, and more. So let's dive in so you can make the most of your one mythic life. The veil is parting. Let's begin.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:02:10]:

Hello, beautiful listeners. Today, we are going to take a journey into the imaginal realms. So take a moment, get comfortable. And I want you to imagine a tall man with black hair, a strong jaw and piercing eyes. His body looks like it might have been honed into combat. And in fact, it was because he's a warrior. He'll kill his enemies and anyone who threatened you without hesitation. This man follows a strict moral code, though, admittedly, it is somewhat ambiguous at times.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:02:50]:

And while he'll defend you at all cost, he really wants to see you tap into your full potential because he wholeheartedly believes in your capabilities, your strength, and your resourcefulness. Now let's not even get started about the sex. It is otherworldly. Truly. He ravishes you with his desire, which fuels your own. And in fact, he connects you with sides of yourself that you didn't even know existed. This man creates the environment for you to individuate, which means to become more of you. Now in romanticist speak, this is the archetype of the shadow daddy.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:03:33]:

And really don't we all want one maybe just a little bit. Now for the last several years, I have been immersed in romanticiseries. So just reading them from fun. I've been diving into A Court of Thorns and Roses, Crescent City, Throne of Glass, the Empyrean series, and my 18 year old daughter, she actually makes a little fun of me. She tells me I'm reading young adult fiction, but I don't care. I read till all hours of the night, often with my Kindle paperwhite setting on low so I don't disturb my partner. If you know me or work with me, you know, we do a lot of work with Ayurveda, young, we're often reading feminist literature or, you know, pretty in-depth books. So part of the appeal is that these are just really fun to read.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:04:22]:

I enjoy traveling to imaginary realms of the fae, dragons, magic, demons, And yeah, the sex scenes are pretty riveting, pretty inspirational as well. Though it started as an escape. I soon realized that there was really more to these stories that met the eye and there was probably a reason that they were so addictive. And don't just take my word for it. You can go to Amazon and look at any of these series. They're in the hundreds of thousands of reviews. I mean, women really love them. But what I think is so interesting is that these stories connect us with our primal desires.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:02]:

They connect us with parts of ourselves that we weren't even aware of. Now, many of my listeners have read with me either in enlivened, my divine feminine school, or the women who run with the wolves book study. And as you know, and if you are new to me, gonna give you a little information. When we look to read books, myths, stories, fairy tales, when we do it from a Jungian perspective, we are not just one character. We are all of the characters. So each of the characters in the story really act as a map of our psyche. So we're not just the heroine, but we're also the dark queen. We're not just the maiden, but we are also the male, the mate as well too.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:05:51]:

And this can just be a beautiful way to do some shadow work, to do some self discovery. The thing about romantic is that it opens us up into this beautiful world where we can drop our expectations of what we should or shouldn't want because it's make believe we'll seemingly make believe Carl Jung would actually say fictional characters are also real. They're just in a different realm. So the stories that we read and in women who run with the wolves, you know, we're reading all of these ancient myths and stories that are hundreds of years old that really represent our collective unconscious. So that's kind of our collective shadow. And isn't it interesting to think that we can also read books like A Court of Thorns and Roses, and we get an even more current representation of our psyche. Let me give you an example. Most of us don't walk around saying things like I want a guy who is.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:06:54]:

How does all hell wealthy, powerful, and will dedicate his life to protecting me and helping me master my powers. His body is gonna be like a weapon. He can destroy his enemies with ease and skill. His desire for me is unparalleled, and I really want him to throw me up against a wall, take my clothes off with his teeth, and make love to me like there's no tomorrow. I mean, maybe you do, but most of us, not only do we not speak these things out loud, we almost generally don't even admit to ourselves that it's something that we might want. And think about it. Do you want it? Maybe a little bit? Well, I sure do. And that makes so much sense.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:07:34]:

So romantic, he helps to connect us with our primal desires. Now as women, we're biologically wired to want a strong, competent man who can protect us and provide for our family. So there's no amount of social conditioning, propaganda, or television commercials, like condemning toxic masculinity, whatever that is, that's going to change thousands of years of biology. Nature always wins. And what I love about romantancy is that it actually reflects what is true in our own lives. So there was an article a couple of years ago in psychology today, and it was, have we reached the end of sex? And this is where therapists discussed how women were dissatisfied with their sex lives because they wanted a more dominant lover. But because of our culture and our current narrative, the men partners in this relationship, and this was for cisgender heteronormative relationships, but the male partners believed that they were supposed to be gentle, passive, always seeking guidance. Alas, fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on which way you look at it, our bodies often don't agree with what our mind believes that it should want.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:08:49]:

As I mentioned, when we look at these stories from a young Ian perspective, we are not just one of the characters. We're not just a heroine, the protagonist, but we are all of them. So I started opening up with the shadow daddy archetype. Now we may want a shadow daddy in real life, but here's the interesting thing. We also need to embody that ourselves. Carl Jung describes a woman's masculine essence as her animus. And that's the part of us that interacts with the world. So it's kind of the part that interacts externally.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:09:25]:

So it's our ability to set boundaries, protect ourselves, and really bring our creative ideas to life. So if we look at the qualities of the shadow daddy, we can also use this as an opportunity to look inward. Do I actually have these qualities myself? Can I be my own shadow daddy? And here are a few questions to get you thinking if you can actually be your own shadow daddy or not. Do you make sure that you're prioritizing self care and that you are training your body in mind so that you can deal with the inevitable ups and downs and enemies of life. In these, Saray shadow daddies often put their mates through a pretty rigorous physical training practice so they can be worthy opponents to the bad guys. Again, they want to see them reach their true potential. So are you prioritizing your physical and emotional strength? Do you spend time with people who have your best interest at heart? Do you prioritize your creativity and passions? Do you set boundaries so you actually can do the things that you want to do? Do you prioritize growth over safety? And do you create the container for you to individuate? So tap into your full potential. So these are some questions that you can ask yourself to see if you do embody your own inner shadow daddy.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:10:46]:

Now the heroines in these romances, they're not fragile women that are incapable of surviving on their own. In fact, they're bad ass warriors. If anything, the presence of the shadow daddy allows them to relax into their feminine side. And we do need both. We need the masculine and the feminine energies and often in real life, when we have a stronger man or somebody who embodies more masculine qualities, that does give us the freedom to relax into our feminine a bit more. So if we want an alpha male in the real world, we also need to be our own shadow daddy. We need a strong animist. Otherwise, if we're just looking for the alpha guy, but we haven't developed these qualities within ourselves, we can find ourselves in this, like, bad dominant type of relationship that is suffocating and potentially abusive, where growth isn't encouraged but halted.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:11:43]:

Just a side note, we're not gonna go too deep into this in this episode, but Jung would say a man's feminine essence is his anima. And just like the animus is a connection to a woman, to the outside world and anima is a connection to a man, to his inner world. It's his feelings, emotions, desires, and all of us, regardless of what sex we are need both masculine and feminine energies to get along successfully. Now, another point worth exploring as it pertains to our current culture is the concept of mates. So in romancy, there's this concept of the one, the one significant other that you are energetically connected to in life and even in death. And this is called a mate in romancy. The bond between mates is stronger than the bond between a husband and a wife. Although you could be a mate and a husband and wife, it's just a bond that is very much connected.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:12:46]:

Now, the fact that this theme is so prevalent in most romantices tells me that for many women, monogamy is still preferable over casual sex. So despite the sexual revolution, free sex, and hookup culture, women tend to want one partner. Most women, most of the women that I know cannot have sex like a man, despite what Cardi B might tell us, our wounds and hearts are actually connected. And this is what we would learn in ancient Eastern traditions like tantra as well. This isn't a flaw That there's a connection between the woman heart. It's not a mistake of a woman's body and psyche. It's actually a feature because there's a lot more at stake for a woman when it comes to sex than there is for a man. I mean, it doesn't get any more significant than carrying a baby in your womb for nine months and then delivering a very vulnerable, very needy human life into the world.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:13:45]:

Right. And besides more studies show that women in committed relationships have more orgasms. Just saying. So even though it seems that our culture tries to tell us that monogamy isn't important, even when we look at romantacy, we see that there is a desire for that one to have that one committed relationship. So something interesting, something to think about. We also see in these stories that mates have this strong sense of smell and can often track their partners simply by scent alone. And of course we have this too, right? It's pheromones. That's the reason that we are attracted to some people and not others.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:14:28]:

But did you know that studies show that when a woman is on hormonal birth control, she's attracted to men who present more feminine qualities or are more genetically similar to her. I found that interesting, right, just because this is a substance that many of us have taken, I've taken as well too, and it actually changes who we are attracted to. Now you might think like, oh yeah, these are good points. Right? So, you know, we've talked about how from an evolutionary biological perspective, women are attracted to stronger men who can take care of her and their offspring, as well as romantic. He also shows there is a desire for monogamous relationships. And then there's another point too. And this one might be a little controversial. So you might be thinking at this point, well, those are kind of good points.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:15:24]:

I never thought there would be so many similarities between fantasy and our evolutionary biology, but I would never want a man as violent as the heroes that we see in romanticize. Is that crossing your mind? Because as you know, if you are a reader, things get a little bit violent. But here's the thing, you probably do. Most women want a man capable of violence, but who use it for good. Again, our biology has been conditioned to desire men who can protect our offspring and us because regardless of how many hours we spend in the martial arts studio or training with weights, we will still be weaker and slower than most men. Author and psychologist Jordan Peterson has actually said a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under control. Beauty wanted the beast.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:16:17]:

I'm not certain. I don't know at all, but if I had to guess, I would suspect that authors like Sarah J Maas and Rebecca Yaros would probably consider themselves to be like progressive feminists because after all their main characters, their heroines are brilliant. They're powerful. They're lethal. They can hold their own in most situations. And in fact, in everyone that I've ever read, they're actually even more powerful than they're already all powerful mailmates yet as young would say, stories come through us and not from us. They're part of the collective and personal unconscious, right? So they illuminate our shadow, the parts of ourselves that we've repressed or suppressed. So when we read romantic, we're given access to what it is that we truly desire, And it doesn't always align with the current narrative of what we believe we should want.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:17:12]:

And this makes a lot of sense because the ego and shadow are at odds. So if you think about it, the ego is who we believe ourselves to be. It's who we show ourselves to the world. Anything that doesn't align with this image that we create for ourselves then goes down into the shadow. Individuation is about reclaiming these hidden parts of ourselves so we can become whole. So in this instance, it's getting in touch with the parts of ourselves that we truly desire. It can also be getting in parts with the selves that are powerful, that are aggressive. And if you are on a personal development or spiritual path, I believe sometimes it can almost be this air of I'm doing this so I can become a better human, whatever better means.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:18:00]:

And maybe in some ways, yes, we wanna become more responsive and less reactive, but we also wanna reclaim all these different parts of ourselves so we can become whole. As Carl Jung has said, I would rather be whole than good. So you are not here to live somebody else's story of what's good or bad, right or wrong. You're here to create your own, no virtue signaling needed here. We've covered a lot in really the point that I'm trying to get across is that when we read stories like this, and we look at the archetype of the shadow daddy, it really gives us a portal into our unconscious and we can start to recognize what is it that I truly desire. And am I honoring these desires in the earthly realm or what do I need to cultivate more of in my own life? They actually provide us with a roadmap for individuation. So you might be like, oh, well, that sounds good, but how would I actually apply this in the earthly realm? I have three things for you to consider of how you can apply what you learn from romanticcy into your everyday life. The first one is to strengthen your animus.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:19:16]:

Yes, you can want that shadow daddy, and you can also be your own. So practice setting boundaries. Say no when you want to say no. Then also lift weights, practice a martial art. When we feel strong physically, we feel strong mentally as well too. So that's number one. Number two is to connect with your desires. Don't dismiss them.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:19:39]:

Do you truly know what you want in a partner? Do you know what turns you on besides you don't get to choose your desires. We don't choose our desires. They just come to us. Of course, you get the opportunity to decide whether you want to act on them or not. I personally believe that desire is like our breadcrumbs on our path to individuation. There are little clues of where we need to go next. So consider what do you truly desire? Then number three is you can use the characters and themes from fiction, knowing that they're a map of your psyche. Start to consider what's resonating.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:20:17]:

Who do you applaud? What are those qualities that you like? What are the qualities that are drawing you to a particular character? Now, if you can see those qualities in another, that means that they are within you too, and they are just waiting to be developed. So you can start to work on those qualities, developing them even further. And also good information is who do you really can't stand? What character is pissing you off and why Maybe it's the vengeance of the dark queen or the authority. And then you can start to think, well, have I suppressed my vengeance and authority? What would that look like? Maybe I need a little bit more anger and aggression in my life. So the qualities and characters that we also don't like also give us information about what we might have suppressed and what we might need more of. So those are a few ways you can just start to apply what you are learning into your own life. I would love to hear what you think about this and really how do you wanna become the heroine of your mythic life? Now in enlivened right now, we are reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. And then in a month, we'll read A Court of Mist and Fury.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:21:34]:

And I know the conversations we are going to have are going to be just inspiring, illuminating, and fantastic. So if you would like to read with a fantastic group of women in me, there is a link in the show notes to Enlivened, and I will hope to see you there. Alright. Be well, beautiful ones. Thanks for tuning in to The Goddess School podcast. I hope today's episode inspired you to reclaim your feminine magic. Now don't forget to subscribe to the show. And if you've enjoyed the podcast, please leave us a review on Apple.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:22:11]:

If you wanna dive deeper into divine feminine archetypes and reconnect with your power, check out my book, The Goddess Solution. It's packed with ancient goddess wisdom for the modern woman. You can find the book on Amazon, and the link is in the show notes. And if you are ready to embrace these practices alongside a global sisterhood, I invite you to join my Divine Feminine Mystery School, Enlivened. It's a supportive space to embody these teachings with a fantastic community of like minded women. You'll find the link in the show notes. Remember, the Goddess isn't a deity outside of you. She's an aspect of your highest self.

Lisa Marie Rankin [00:22:46]:

You are the Goddess. Until next time, my friend.