Welcome to the Mindful Dog Parent, the podcast for overwhelmed and anxious dog owners who are doing their best but still feel like they're getting it all wrong.

I'm Sian, a trauma informed coach and ethical dog trainer.

I created this podcast because dog parenting.

Isn'T always cute reels and perfect walks.

Sometimes it's tears after training, guilt in the quiet moments, or just feeling like.

You'Re the only one struggling.

If you've ever said, I love my.

Dog, but this is really hard, you're in the right place.

Each week I'll bring you calm, compassionate guidance to help you build confidence, regulate your emotions, and reconnect with your dog.

Even when things feel messy because you're not failing, you're just overwhelmed and you don't have to figure this out on your own.

You know those days where life just feels really heavy, where things that usually make you feel good start to feel like effort?

That is exactly where I was a little while ago.

Everything had be just become so serious, so deep.

I don't think I could shake the feeling that I was just sinking a little bit.

And then I listened to a podcast episode by Mel Robbins, and she was talking.

It came at the perfect time.

It was like serendipitous.

It was coming just when I needed it to be there.

It was talking about bringing fun back into your life.

And it's not about productivity, not about purpose, just fun for the sake of having fun.

And it just stopped me.

And I was just thinking to myself when I was listening to it, I realized I'd not done something just for fun for a really long time.

So I took the advice from that podcast episode and I booked myself a crazy golf session.

So I went there with my husband.

Totally random.

I've never played crazy golf as far as I can remember in my life.

I know.

Where have I been all my life?

But honestly, it was exactly what I needed.

I was laughing.

I felt lighter for the first time in weeks and weeks.

And that one small, silly little thing really shifted something big for me personally.

So today I want to talk about that when life and dog training just start to feel heavy and why bringing back a little bit of fun isn't a luxury.

It's actually science.

And there is a reason why I'm talking about it and why I want this to happen.

So if you've been feeling in that space lately where you love your dog so, so much, it's not about that, but even picking up their lead feels like I should.

I should take my dog for a walk rather than I want to or I enjoy taking my dog for a walk.

I do want you to know it isn't because you're lazy or that you've stopped caring in any way.

It's because your nervous system has been living in go mode for too long.

So I've talked about go, go, go mode.

It's that keep pushing state that really burns energy constantly.

So that is what's happening when you're in that state, even when you're not doing anything, that is what's happening.

When your brain shifts from growth and learning into protection and survival, that is what's happening.

It is saying, let's just keep us safe for now.

Which means all the creativity, the motivation and the joy starts to fade.

And that is where I was.

I realized that was what I'd kind of got to.

And I feel like it needed to happen because there was a lot of growth going on at the time, personal growth.

And you have to kind of feel those feelings and go with the flow with that, with those emotions in order to see the big kind of changes.

But injection of fun is where you can move yourself back into a different state.

Your nervous system state can start to shift.

And being in that long term, go, go, go mode is really unhealthy and really not a good thing for us.

But it is what our nervous system was created to do to keep us safe.

So it's when even those little simple things like a walk or a bit of training or spending time with friends even, it's just starting to feel like hard work.

So you're being invited to things, but it just feels like a chore.

So this isn't about like willpower or motivation right now.

It's about your capacity.

So what are you able to take right now and what is the capacity that you have personally?

And everybody's is different.

So my capacity is going to be different to yours.

So this is where it goes into more like science and the fascination around why this is important.

So when you introduce moments of play or lightness, even tiny, tiny ones, you're not just cheering yourself up.

It isn't just like surface level, okay, let's just add some fun and see what happens.

Let's cheer myself up for five minutes.

You are literally activating a different part of your nervous system, which is the ventral vagal state.

So that is also known as the social engagement system.

So this is the part of the body that says, we're safe now.

We can connect, we can laugh and we can breathe.

And when you laugh or do something that's a bit novel or a bit different.

Your vagus nerve tells your brain it's okay to relax.

Stress hormones like cortisol start to drop as a result of that.

Dopamine, which is the motivation chemical, the happy chemical starts to increase again.

And that oxytocin, the connection chemical.

So the chemical that is released when your dog gives you eye contact or you have children and you're, you're building that bond with your child that reminds you that you're not on your own.

In other words, play resets your entire system.

It doesn't just make you feel better.

Like I say, it's not just surface level, it makes you more resilient.

So another person that I like to listen to who talks about play quite a lot is, is Gabor Mate.

So he is some, he's an expert in trauma and how it affects the body and all those things.

And he talks a lot about play.

And I've listened to a podcast that he talks about that as well.

So.

And that's it, that's why it's so important.

And the best part about all of this is our dog feels it as well.

So dogs are co regulating with us.

Their bodies literally mirror our state.

And I've talked about it in podcasts and if you follow me on Instagram, you see some of the studies that I share about that.

So when you're playful and relaxed and silly, they pick up on that energy.

So you can have that like gentle game, a tug in the kitchen or a little chase me moment in the garden or just letting them roll in the grass and when and you can breathe and watch them do it.

So they're dogs being dogs.

When you play, both of your nervous systems are sinking into safety and that is where you're co regulating and you are connecting with one another.

And from that calm connected state, training actually becomes much, much easier.

It's just a lot easier to do.

Not because you're doing more, it's not about adding more, more things to do to your plate because that's not going to help.

But it's because you're both available to learn again.

Your nervous system state has changed the, to a place of being able to learn.

And, and that is the same for your dog as well.

So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, well, I don't even know where to start, these are a few little tips that I can give you.

So micro joy moment.

So if finding like it's all about the small things for me.

So all those little things Start to add up.

It's not about taking like half an hour to do these big things and try and write down all these things that make you joyful.

It's not about toxic positivity and being positive all of the time.

Finding one little thing that's light.

If I can get my words out, unproductive or silly, it might be dancing with your dog.

I do that.

I can say that I do that.

Playing a song that you really love or trying something new like I did with Crazy Golf.

So you'd be surprised how your dog can join in with your dance sessions as well.

So my dogs enjoy like walking around and following me as I'm dancing around the room.

So that's, that's just a really quick one that's really easy to do and just injects that little bit of micro joy into your day.

The other one is like play before progress.

So before you train, just play for a couple of minutes with your dog.

So it's starting to signal to your nervous system that it's safe, like I've said before.

And your dog's going to mirror that calm energy.

So think about if you're going to do something them with your dog and you're feeling disconnected from them, try and just do a little bit of like two minutes of play with them.

Doing that little chase me moment or the tuggy game in the kitchen, something like that.

That is going to really help you then have that connection so that you can do that training session.

And then the third one is changing the lens.

So try and reframe things in your mind.

Swap.

I have to for I get to.

And somebody that I have worked with before has reminded us of this in the past.

So a business strategist that I've worked with, she always says try and reframe things as I get to do this.

If you say to yourself, I have to train today, that's going to just be like, oh, I have to train today.

But if you say I get to spend 10 minutes connecting with my dog, that little simple shift and reframe changes how your body is feeling before you even start that training session.

So you can see the difference.

Where you say I get to spend 10 minutes connecting with my dog, that sounds much, much more precious to me.

That's the word that came into my mind when I said that.

It's much more precious, it's much more connecting and it creates a motivation.

So even if 10 minutes is too long, I get to spend five minutes connecting with my dog.

Like whatever that time is.

Say that I get to rather than I have to or I need to.

Fun isn't like it's not a distracting from the healing because I've been in that place where I've been figuring things out and personal growth and all that stuff and understanding myself more.

It actually is healing.

So that fun isn't taking you away from the healing moments, it's actually helping you to heal more and more.

It's how your nervous system learns to breathe again.

So if things have started to feel really heavy lately, so that can be in life or in training, in your heart even.

So that's where it had got to to me.

It got so deep that it was.

I was feeling it very, very, very deeply.

Try something light, something playful, something that makes you laugh even for a minute.

You will actually be quite shocked and amazed.

That small amount of joy can actually bring calm energy and connection flooding back to you like it did for me.

Because calm isn't just being still or like doing some of those breathing exercises.

It can be being alive, it can be movement, it can be fun, it can be lightness, it can be joy.

So if this episode's resonated with you, share it with somebody who you might think needs that reminder as well.

If you want to go deeper into creating calm and confidence with your dog, do check out the website and the Confident Dog Parent Blueprint will be coming soon for you to join with me again.

I will link it in the show notes so you can go check it out and join the wait list if you're interested to find out more.

I want you to know you are doing better than you might think you are.

Your brain can lie to you a lot and tell you you're not good enough and tell you you're not doing things good enough and you don't think you're doing things in the right way.

But you are.

I'm here to tell you that you are and to remind you that you are.

I want you to take care, to breathe, and I will see you next time.

Thanks so much for tuning in to the Mindful Dog Parent.

If this episode gave you something to think about or it just made you.

Feel a little less alone, I would.

Love it if you followed the show.

And shared it with another dog parent who needs it.

You'll find all the links and resources mentioned in the show notes@lavendergardenanimalservices.co.uk podcast and I would love to stay in touch so head there if you want to explore more ways to work with me or get support.