TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person.
TK: You know, sometimes it doesn't match. It doesn't correlate.
TK: And I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize
TK: wasn't going to work for me.
TK: Because the advice was given to me by someone I loved. So I went and I tried
TK: it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.
Danny: Hi, and welcome to 5 Random Questions, a show with unexpected questions and unfiltered answers.
Danny: I'm your host, Danny Brown, and each week I'll be asking my guests five questions
Danny: created by a random question generator.
Danny: The guest has no idea what the questions are, and neither do I,
Danny: which means this could go either way. So sit back, relax, and let's dive into this week's episode.
Danny: Today's guest is Keisha TK Dutes. TK is an independent audio producer,
Danny: educator, host, and reporter with nearly two decades in radio and podcasting.
Danny: Her production credits include BuzzFeed's First Aid Kit, Function with Anil
Danny: Dash, Good Words with Kirk Franklin, and Open World.
Danny: She's taught at Spotify, PRX Podcast Garage, and BRIC Arts Media,
Danny: and currently serves on the board of the Association of Independence and Radio, AIR.
Danny: Through her company, Philo's Future Media, TK helps producers bring their ideas
Danny: to life. So TK, welcome to five random questions.
TK: Thank you so much, Danny. I'm ready. Let's do it.
Danny: I'm excited I'm excited and obviously
Danny: I mean looking at the bio there the introduction you've got a
Danny: massive amount of experience and passion for podcasting
Danny: and the audio medium but one thing that
Danny: I was interested to learn about I was looking at your website and
Danny: you've got there what you started during the pandemic you've got your visual
Danny: art practice where you use resins and molds to create various shapes and there's
Danny: some really cool and interesting pieces on the but one that jumped out to me
Danny: was a really cool one called Granny's Treasure.
Danny: Now, going by the name, I feel that must be inspired by your grandma.
Danny: But what's the story behind Granny's Treasure?
TK: Yeah, it's a, yeah, you saw the little jar with like the jewels on it.
TK: And it just reminded me of like, I don't know, I think every grandma had the
TK: three piece set, like a vessel, a brush and a mirror.
TK: And I just remember something like that being on my grandma's like vanity.
TK: And no one was, no one could touch it. you're not allowed to touch it.
TK: So that was kind of my way of recreating one piece of the three pieces.
TK: Eventually, I'll make the other pieces.
TK: But that was the beginning of that. And when I made it, I showed it to someone.
TK: And like the next week, it was in a small art show here in Brooklyn, New York.
TK: So I was like, when when I think of stuff like that, it's like,
TK: she's talking to me and I'm able to have her in different places.
TK: I'm so glad that resonated with you. I'm always surprised at how things resonate.
TK: People surprise me every time.
Danny: Yeah, well, like I said, I mean, there's some amazing, really cool, you know, items there.
Danny: And I'll be sure to leave the link to your visual art place,
Danny: visual art section on your side in the episode show notes so people can check it out.
Danny: Do you have like a favorite approach to how you come up with a design for that then?
TK: I would say I let the imperfections happen because I'm not, I guess,
TK: a classically trained, you know, artist.
TK: I didn't go to school for art. I literally found this medium during the pandemic.
TK: And then I had been influenced by people in my community.
TK: And so just osmosis. So I don't have like, there's a right way to do something.
TK: So I literally just keep going till I'm happy.
TK: And so it's kind of ugly till it's not to me, you know?
TK: So I'll keep adding colors. I'll keep adding gold leaf.
TK: Oh, more gems, more gems, more
TK: gems. Let's do it. Like, so my approach is keep going till you like it.
TK: And if you can't get to a place, because I've also gotten to a place where I don't like it.
TK: So I have to ask myself, why don't I like it? And I realize more often than
TK: not, it's because I'm not having a good day or a good time in life in that moment.
TK: And there's nothing I could do to get that back.
TK: And those pieces, sometimes I break them and reintegrate them into like a new
TK: piece. and and the second piece is like oh relief i feel better now yeah yeah
Danny: Well it's very cool and you these pieces are for sale or is that.
TK: You do yeah some of them um basically i'm like kind of i'm vibing so if you
TK: see it's like that type of thing you see something you like um like tell me
TK: because part of also i have to remember that i'm doing this for my wellness part of it is if i
TK: If I make it into work, then it becomes something else.
TK: So, but I also know that to be able to make more, I have to get rid of things.
TK: So I have, I've been working on my balance there.
TK: So basically kind of just ask.
Danny: I will definitely do that. Like I say, I was like really impressed when I was
Danny: just going through with them and some really fun, interesting pieces there.
Danny: So yeah, I will leave the link to that in the show notes for sure.
Danny: Thank you. But what we are here for as well is a little bit of fun on this side.
Danny: Where if it doesn't work, we'll go to the next question and we'll keep going that way.
Danny: So TK, are you ready to jump in five random questions hot seat?
TK: Yes, I'm ready, Danny.
Danny: Awesome. Let's bring up the random question generator.
Danny: Okay, this is a good one to start with here, I feel.
Danny: Question number one, if there was an extra hour every day, what would you do with it?
TK: There was an extra hour every day. What would I do with it?
TK: Man. Okay. So there's already not enough time in the world for anything,
TK: but if I did have an extra hour, man, I would, I would just end up doing what I do now.
TK: Like just another run, another, it's more runway, right?
TK: It's more runway to like sleep or do art or like,
TK: I would focus it on myself because there's so
TK: many hours in the day that you have to do you
TK: know work um I love my loved ones but
TK: you know give me a break um you know what I'm saying but I would do like come
TK: on let's just do like stuff we like I'd learn something I'd watch some more
TK: tv I'm not even gonna I'm not precious Danny let's just like self-care so self-care
TK: I would do more self-care with it
Danny: I think I really like that answer because, like you say, everybody's so busy.
Danny: And it seems that since the pandemic as well, everybody's busier.
Danny: You know, it was great for a while. Obviously, it wasn't great because of what
Danny: was going on in the world.
Danny: But it was great in that places were closed. You could stay at home.
Danny: You could, you know, have a better work-life balance, if you like.
Danny: You could spend more time with loved ones because it was lockdown,
Danny: stuff like that. And that kind of shifted again.
Danny: So I love the fact that you mentioned self-care and that it's not specific to,
Danny: okay, I would spend an extra hour in bed or spend an extra hour reading.
Danny: It's just whatever you're doing at the time, that would be the extra hour, I guess.
TK: Yeah. And I think, like you said, like a lot of us figured out,
TK: I mean, a lot of us kind of answered that question during the pandemic while
TK: it was absolutely weird and terrible and it played with our brains.
TK: It kind of reset something for us because we had to figure out what to do with
TK: the extra hours we were at home.
TK: So we were making bread. So we were, you know, doing care packages for our neighbors.
TK: We were like finding the outdoors again. So I think that more people can answer
TK: this question than we think.
TK: And, um, that's what I found. Like I reshifted my whole,
TK: um, I learned how to sleep my way
TK: like what times work for me I'm basically I'm
TK: I'm like I'm I'm I'm on eastern time spiritually
TK: but I think I'm on mountain time like in my heart and soul like or central you
TK: know so like I learned how to sleep again I learned some different things to
TK: do um learn how to make ice cream like like literally just like well I mean
TK: I guess since we're all here trying to figure something out
TK: I learned that I had more capacity for beverages, alcoholic beverages.
Danny: Yeah, I feel a lot of people probably did that. It's like the fight or flight
Danny: syndrome, isn't it? We think, okay, how am I going to cope with that?
Danny: I am curious, maybe, and maybe there isn't something specifically,
Danny: but you mentioned, obviously, you're very busy.
Danny: Is there one thing that you would maybe jettison in place of the extra one hour,
Danny: specifically or that you can think you know i could do another less of that
Danny: if it gives me more of this.
TK: Worrying worrying about
TK: a variety of things that i can't control and you
TK: know we all like uh there's all like these sayings about like not don't worry
TK: it's it's just what we do we worry we're human and if if there was a magic you
TK: know spell to worry less about things i couldn't control That is what I would get rid of because,
TK: you know, sometimes you're literally sitting there.
TK: You're just sitting and you're like, oh, wow.
TK: What if this person says this? Or what if this job that or someone was angry at me? But maybe I did.
TK: I do a thing. You're making up stories, you know, so.
TK: I would have to say worry less, you know?
Danny: Yeah, no, I like that. I had a guest then recently, we just recorded actually
Danny: for the new season and she was very similar where, you know,
Danny: she was very much about giving herself positive reinforcement.
Danny: Yeah. Like little sticky notes on the, you know, around the house just saying,
Danny: because there's so much negativity towards, you know, people in general, there can be.
Danny: It's important, like you say, to jetson that if you can and not worry about
Danny: the stuff that you can't control. If you can control it, great.
Danny: You've got an option to maybe change it, improve it, get rid of it.
Danny: But yeah, I like that completely that if you can't control it,
Danny: and especially when it comes to mental wellness and mental health,
Danny: it's key to not focus on that side.
TK: Yeah.
Danny: Well, I think that was a nice one to sort of open up and ease you into the random questions.
Danny: So let's have a look at question number two.
Danny: Okay, TK, question number two. What countries have you traveled to?
TK: Ooh, okay. I've traveled to, my first time out, I went to Japan.
TK: First time out of the country.
TK: I had a friend that was, she moved there and she missed America.
TK: And she was just like, my job is giving me like a little budget.
TK: I can bring you out here. And I was like, me for free?
TK: Go. OK. So I went to Japan as like a fresh face 20 something year old.
TK: And I was just with her and her friends that like her local friends.
TK: So I'm like having like super local experiences to the point where like I'm at the bar with them.
TK: We are having drinking all night like how like how local folks do.
TK: She was like, I'm going to order a, say, so like they have like a elder person come to your house.
TK: And she's like, we're going to put on the kimonos, but we're going to do it
TK: right. Like we're going to do it.
TK: We're going to do it. And this like grandma lady comes in and she like gets
TK: us suited up and you have to wear like undergarments a certain type of way.
TK: And then they tie the undergarment and they tie it really tight so that everything is snug.
TK: And I enjoyed it. I felt like I looked very beautiful in it.
TK: And I just never had that experience before, but I didn't
TK: know we were gonna be out like out and about for like 12
TK: hours so by the time it came to like meeting
TK: friends and hanging out and doing um like
TK: you know like restaurant bar activities I
TK: was just sitting at the bar and I was like why do I feel woozy the
TK: kimono was so tight by then it
TK: was like cutting off my circulation and um
TK: so like they had to like undo me
TK: like at the bar and like loosen everything up but like i just remember that
TK: and um that was i felt like i was like how much more authentic can it get like
TK: you're like dressed in you know the clothes of the people um from once upon
TK: a time and then you're also gonna pass out like how better can it get like yeah well
Danny: It's like the um the victorian corsets that victorian
Danny: women women wore in the uk i'm not sure if it
Danny: was outside the uk and europe i'm like the the bustles i
Danny: guess it said would be the north American equivalent if I
Danny: look at the the westerns you know like the old Wild West and
Danny: like the bustles where it was so pulled in tight at the waist so you had the
Danny: expanded hips and the expanded top half but the waist was like super super small
Danny: and to your point it's like um so many people or so many women sorry would faint
Danny: because the oxygen is being cut off it's been tight so tightly wrapped and pulled against you.
TK: The things we do for fashion Danny like
TK: I'm, I'm, I'm a different, I'm, it's been 20 years since that trip.
TK: I'm a different girl now.
TK: As we, as we talk today, I'm wearing soft, soft, soft, soft,
TK: soft pants with a very stretchy, um, um, belly part.
TK: And to your, you know, you were talking about the Victorian ladies, um, London.
TK: I've been to several times. I love London and, uh, my favorite kind of TV programming.
TK: Y'all make really good shows. I just got to say, I want to compliment you on
TK: behalf of your, your media.
TK: Fantastic programming thank you oh
Danny: It's funny my my wife's canadian and she came over to the uk for a visit when
Danny: we basically when we first met i guess so it was our first time together,
Danny: um and we spent a lot of time watching british tv and one of her favorite was
Danny: graham norton who's still going today who i think is amazing you know like he
Danny: like the guests he has on and he just lets them go and you get some crazy stories
Danny: from them because of that yeah.
TK: No like i think and And also, like, maybe this is The Grass Is Always Greener,
TK: right? Like, I'm someone from elsewhere that's looking at y'all's TV.
TK: But I just find it super refreshing.
TK: Very, even the dramas, it seem more candid, you know, than what I'm used to watching here.
TK: But so, okay, so London's on my list. Germany.
TK: Oh, my gosh. Oh, Mexico is like my second home nowadays, you know,
TK: especially with just like a lot of Black people have found their way to Mexico since the pandemic.
TK: And during the pandemic, if folks will remember, in America,
TK: we were having another resurgence of the civil rights movement,
TK: you know, with Black Lives Matter and all.
TK: I didn't make the permanent moves, but I'm definitely one of those folks that
TK: felt motivated to repeatedly visit.
TK: And now I feel comfortable calling it. I would call it a second home.
TK: And my brother has since moved there after seeing my adventures. So...
TK: You know, there's something in the water and it's a beautiful place. The people are lovely.
TK: There's a lot of work to be done in terms of like, you know,
TK: gentrification and understanding that like I can't go to I can't come from my
TK: country to gentrify yours.
TK: Right. So there's a lot of there's a lot of work to be done there in terms of
TK: like this expat slash immigrant commentary or conversation that's out right now.
TK: But those are just I think those are some of the places that I can remember
TK: off the bat that I've had some really great times at
Danny: No that's awesome because I know there's like there can be
Danny: a stereotype of Americans don't travel that much
Danny: outside your own country and I know that's not
Danny: true from many American friends I have and people I've spoken
Danny: to on this show for example but the
Danny: Mexico is interesting because I know a lot of Canadians
Danny: used to go to the US especially in the winter because winter in
Danny: canada i don't recommend it if you don't like the cold um so
Danny: we had a lot of snowbirds that would go to maybe florida or you know
Danny: southern parts of the u.s because it was warmer and because
Danny: of recent you know events with tariffs etc and statements made about 51st state
Danny: and all that kind of stuff um a lot of canadians are moving either to mexico
Danny: or are you choosing that and increasing their visits to mexico they'd always
Danny: go to mexico but now they're increasing it and looking to get property there
Danny: instead of, say, Florida or whatever.
Danny: So there does seem to be like a mind shift, a big shift in cultural approaches
Danny: to where you go and what you want to do there, etc.
TK: Yeah.
TK: Yeah. And I mean, I mean, I'm in a lot of these Facebook groups.
TK: So like you said, you know, like there's there's a mind shift.
TK: But then there's also just so much work to be done, man, because sometimes the
TK: Facebook groups, it's like, you know, you can't go play in these people's faces.
TK: You can't go play in in these people's country.
TK: Like it's it's your retirement plan. And you are actively, we are actively driving
TK: up prices every time we show up, right? We're doing some, we're actively doing something.
TK: So I just find the like, there's a disconnect, I think right now where people
TK: are like, well, I used to come here 10 years ago and the prices were so much more affordable.
TK: And I'm like, yeah, like follow that, follow that train of thought, friend, you know?
TK: So, you know, I just want us to be responsible travelers and responsible,
TK: like, relocators, if that's what's going to happen.
TK: So I'm working on it for myself. And when I talk to my friends,
TK: that too, because it's the only way, right? You got to talk to your people.
Danny: Yeah. And I feel as well with the work that you do and the experience that you've
Danny: got, and even the art, your personal work that you're doing,
Danny: you've got so much experience that you can transfer anywhere.
Danny: You know so if Mexico is your destination and your your spiritual new home etc
Danny: I feel like you can easily transplant that and then as you mentioned ensure
Danny: that it's being done properly and with respect to the existing cultures and
Danny: and infrastructure etc yeah.
TK: Absolutely no I agree
Danny: Awesome well I hope you get there and you let me know uh we'll have to have
Danny: you back on as repeat guests with maybe five featured questions about you know
Danny: your new life and a new setup etc oh.
TK: Yeah absolutely i'll come back anytime
Danny: Awesome awesome but for now
Danny: we will keep them random so without further ado let's have a look at question
Danny: number three okay tk here we go and i feel i may have answered this asked this
Danny: before but uh it's always a fun one to pop up so i'm going to ask you anyway
Danny: if that's okay question number three what's the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you.
TK: Wow. Okay. So I do public speaking and I'm a podcaster. So this is usually not a problem for me.
TK: But I was super challenged one time.
TK: And I guess I also just hadn't grown into myself. I was a little bit younger,
TK: a little bit new to the scene.
TK: And I used to do a lot of different hip hop shows.
TK: And this live band they had invited me to just be with them like they they had this real innovative
TK: Way of performing it was called they were called the real live show and they
TK: would perform every Tuesday at this small underground like bar in in New York
TK: City in the Lower East Side so like very cool and their whole theme was like
TK: spaced out hip-hop and they would just invite different guests.
TK: And for some reason, I guess I wasn't suited or I'm not suited to like that kind of thing.
TK: I'm a speaker. I engaged on this level, not with a backing track or whatever,
TK: but this was like human beings playing like the drums, playing the trumpet, playing this.
TK: And then like they had a whole storyline and I
TK: was trying to jump in and I was trying to catch the
TK: beat and I couldn't and I felt all
TK: eyes on me I felt so embarrassed I
TK: like somehow I think one of the guys saved me like he jumped in like you know
TK: like every performer can feel when someone else is kind of like not getting
TK: it and I had two friends that were there and they all they were friends they
TK: They were not friends with each other anymore,
TK: but they can both tell that I needed help
TK: Something. So we just, they just both walked with me outside without talking to each other.
TK: And I was just like, I'm so, you know, I was just so mad, so embarrassed,
TK: so like, just hurt at like not being good at a thing.
TK: And I don't, I don't recall ever going back. And I kind of regret that.
TK: And I try to do my best these days. And I try to prepare and I try to like, learn new skills. And
TK: You know, so like I've been to freestyle workshops and like,
TK: how do you, you know, I want to be able to jump into a thing.
TK: And I just never want to feel like that again. And I felt that was when I felt most embarrassed.
TK: So maybe I, you know how sometimes you like over process your trauma.
TK: So now I'm like, I'm always like in my mind, I think I'm overprepared.
TK: Right. I've I'm reading books. I'm going to have all the talking points.
TK: It's like, how many ways can an interview go? I'm going to figure out all the ways.
TK: But I definitely think the experience made me better as a performer,
TK: as an interviewer, as a person that's just ready to jump right into something.
TK: But it was a hard lesson to learn. It was hard.
Danny: Well, especially because it's in the public space, right? You've got people
Danny: watching you and seeing you, for want of a better word, crumble almost.
Danny: You know, and confidence evaporate. And I'm wondering, obviously,
Danny: you're a podcaster, you're in the media space, public speaking,
Danny: but you feel maybe the problem, if you like, was with podcasts,
Danny: you're driving the narrative,
Danny: you're managing, you know, the interview, the guests, the solo direction.
Danny: With public speaking, again, you're managing the narrative and how you're putting
Danny: points across and when they come out to the audiences in front of you.
Danny: Whereas, obviously, with freestyling or with the, when you get an up like open
Danny: mic almost yeah it's someone else's narrative now so now you're trying to fit
Danny: in and maybe that was where the disconnect was but.
TK: Yeah no I definitely looking back
TK: I definitely think so and it's like this
TK: pressure to fit into someone else's thing and they had been so well integrated
TK: and I think I put too much pressure to be like them instead of be like me because
TK: now I would have probably said, hey, guys, stop.
TK: And let me do a little something like this off the top of my dome,
TK: you know, like and then just like, you know, like maybe and just be and just
TK: accept that I can't catch a beat and just be like, hey, guys,
TK: we're going to stop the space travel for a second.
TK: But y'all are going to still come with me on a journey and I'm going to just
TK: talk and I'm just going to share.
TK: All right, guys, pick it back up and we're back. You know, like,
TK: now I understand that, like, yeah, like, I kind of allowed my agency to be given
TK: away in that moment now that I think about it.
Danny: No, no, and that makes perfect sense. It goes back to your point again about,
Danny: you know, not being able to control something, you know, and putting so much
Danny: emphasis on what you can't control.
Danny: And obviously you can't control the tightness of the band and how they perform.
Danny: That's their stage, that's their, you know, their movements, etc.
Danny: But you can control okay i'm going to take a little bit narrative here
Danny: and insert my own okay let's
Danny: do this and then we can come back to your side yeah um so i feel that that backs
Danny: up your point from earlier you know where it's about now you're older and i
Danny: say that with much respect i'm not saying you're old at all now you're older
Danny: you know that you can understand you can recognize that and how to avoid that
Danny: and overcome it then yeah.
TK: Definitely it's about stopping um
TK: my friend told me a good piece of advice and he does
TK: he did his first TED talk and I recently gave
TK: a speech to like 400 colleagues that I was super like nervous about and he said
TK: when he said when they do a TED talk they make you do it off the top of your
TK: head you cannot there's not a note in sight and that they instruct them,
TK: TED folks instruct the speakers, if you get hung up on something, just stop.
TK: And then it'll come to you. You'll pick it back up. And also for editing,
TK: right? They put a lot of that stuff on YouTube. So they want you to just stop.
TK: So when I gave my speech, nervous as I was, I got to a point where I didn't
TK: know how I was going to deliver it. They just had a stage, a mic,
TK: and I'm just in just the scene.
TK: And I'm looking around and I'm like, okay, chair, table, I got my mic.
TK: No one's done this before.
TK: I decided to set the scene on the stage and take an extra like minute and a
TK: half to bring over the chair, bring over a small table.
TK: And in that minute and a half where I'm setting my scene, I'm building the room,
TK: right? And I'm giving them a setting that is for me and no longer this auditorium setting.
TK: So when I brought the chair over and I got all the things together,
TK: I said, welcome to my bedroom.
TK: I'm going to read from my journal now. And those were my notes.
TK: Right. So that like, yeah, no longer looks like notes and no longer looks like
TK: a person trying to give a talk.
TK: It is you have now been invited to my intimate space. And then when I sat down
TK: in the chair, I felt myself lock in.
TK: And when my friend told me to stop, when I would get to a part where I just
TK: was like, I was just like,
TK: hold on guys, let me turn the page. That was me stopping. Right.
TK: And like, and I think that girl from a couple of weeks ago that gave that speech,
TK: talking to, you know, the, the girl that was freestyling at the restaurant or
TK: trying her best, I think they'd have an interesting conversation, you know?
Danny: Yeah. I really liked that approach. It's like you say,
Danny: it's, it's giving you time to take control of the, the environmental situation,
Danny: but it's making people focus on you and what you're doing in
Danny: readiness for that so they know okay we have props or you know for one better
Danny: description we have tk on the stage we have these this is my visual cue this
Danny: is what i'm going to focus on so i love that the way you sort of flipped that
Danny: a little bit and made it your space and this is my room this is where i feel
Danny: comfortable now i can talk and let's go let's do this together,
Danny: that is awesome i want to keep that in mind i don't do public speaking but if
Danny: i have to get up in front of the community hall or anything like that for the
Danny: local village where i live yeah i I'm going to keep that in mind.
Danny: I might just pull over like a little fire hydrant or something like that.
Danny: Something weird that they've got to focus on apart from me.
TK: Yes. And let me know how that goes because it's your community.
Danny: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I wish you were to do that. Maybe over the Christmas
Danny: period, they certainly do like a dinner and get everybody together.
Danny: So they sometimes get people up there. So I shall definitely for sure let you know on that.
Danny: One thing I do know is it's time for question number four. Are we ready to move
Danny: on now with question number four, TK?
TK: Yeah, let's do it.
Danny: Awesome. Okay, I like this because you were just speaking about advice that
Danny: you got. So I like this question, actually.
Danny: Question four, what is the worst advice that you got that you actually listened to?
TK: Ooh, that I actually listened to. Okay. This is going to be a little,
TK: it's going to be a little vulnerable.
TK: I kind of share this in my podcast, The Secret Life of TK Dutess.
TK: And that first episode is about my journey through burnout or like what happened, right?
TK: And burnout looks a lot of ways and it presents very specifically for Black people, Black women.
TK: And I forget that things. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I love,
TK: it doesn't matter to me who they are, right?
TK: They're black, they're white, it doesn't matter. But I forget that the world
TK: is experienced differently based on who we are.
TK: So in the podcast, there's a moment where I'm reflecting on my colleagues,
TK: you know, lovely people.
TK: They happen to be white and they're sharing. They're like, TK, they're reflecting.
TK: They're like, this thing that happened to you, it's absolutely crazy. have you
TK: done this that and a third right and I go you know
TK: what let me go do that and then I realized
TK: it it doesn't I go do the thing it doesn't
TK: work for me because the world doesn't experience me like they experience the
TK: world right like my white colleagues have a different experience than me so
TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person you know sometimes it doesn't match.
TK: It doesn't correlate. And I ended up
TK: I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize wasn't
TK: going to work for me because the advice was given to me by someone I loved.
TK: So I went and I tried it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.
TK: So it kind of made me sad and a little bit alienated me from my friends because
TK: I was scared to tell them stuff and I was scared to receive advice that I then
TK: would be overcritical of because I think, well, this is not going to work for me, whatever,
TK: you know, or that also that they didn't see it, that it wouldn't work for me, right?
TK: That because it worked for you, they weren't realizing that it wouldn't work for me.
TK: And that kind of made me feel like, man, maybe they don't know me.
TK: Maybe they don't see me. And maybe now I'm going down the road.
TK: When I say worry less, I wish I could worry less.
TK: But it's kind of like the cards have been dealt.
TK: And these are the things that go through my mind. And so anyway,
TK: all that to say is it's not like a piece of advice.
TK: It's it's just a tough, a tough thing, a tough difference that I've had to, like, realize.
TK: And now I have to you kind of have to do it with everybody. Right.
TK: So, you know, what did you take?
TK: Would you take dental advice from a dentist with messed up teeth? No.
TK: Like, you know, so now I kind of have to look at the world like,
TK: OK, well, who's talking?
TK: And I kind of also would love to
TK: ask the world before they say stuff to recognize who they're talking to,
TK: you know, and I think a lot of people with chronic illness could probably relate
TK: in a way that like people give them unsolicited advice.
TK: They go, have you tried yoga? Have you stretched? Have you drank this mushroom
TK: tea? And these people are like, I'm in pain.
TK: Recognize that i'm in pain so it's kind of like that i don't know you know and
TK: i hope i'm i'm correlating it properly but for me i feel like there's different
TK: populations that can like understand that
Danny: 100 and i know i can
Danny: here's a certainly smaller example my
Danny: wife and she suffers from mental she suffers from
Danny: depression and anxiety and she has done since she's 20
Danny: years old and one of her old employers one of her old
Danny: bosses said well if you try yoga that'll make you
Danny: feel better it's like but not being in that not being
Danny: in the same position uh you know as my wife who's
Danny: got these issues and how she deals with them um and and
Danny: to your point tk it's even the
Danny: most like well-intentioned ally unless they're living the experience of the
Danny: person they're trying to be an ally for can never give the that the right advice
Danny: they can give advice maybe but as you see unless it's lived it could never be
Danny: the the right advice i feel yeah.
TK: There's that barrier you know
TK: like we can knock that barrier down but
TK: like and also like knowing and because i also want to be
TK: very clear that there are some people that that have your experience that
TK: will give you absolutely crap advice
TK: um so there's that but i
TK: think we all have to just be like it comes with just recognizing
TK: who a person is and the body they're living in that
TK: that actually counts you know like that means something and I think my disappointment
TK: came from not realizing that sooner and then feeling hurt that they didn't see
TK: it right you know so when you talk about your wife you know like yeah like
TK: It's like, don't you see, like, I'm going through something and this doesn't help me at all.
TK: You know, like, ask me what I need and then, like, let's talk, you know. So, yeah.
Danny: And I was going to ask you that. What is your sort of approach to that then
Danny: where you can maybe see that people are trying to help, but they're doing the
Danny: opposite almost because they're not in your shoes.
Danny: They don't know exactly what you're going through, what you need at that time.
Danny: Do you try and, like, steer them or give them advice?
Danny: Or do you, like, what's your approach?
TK: Now I try to, you know, well, now that I have it in my mind,
TK: like, I have an example of, like, this thing.
TK: I try to stop it before it continues. I go, oh, no, I promise you that's not
TK: going to work for me. I've tried that already.
TK: What I need is X. And then I'm, you got to be prepared to ask for something
TK: and be direct nowadays because if you leave it up to folks, it's just whatever their experience is.
TK: So yoga might be the thing for that person. And you just say,
TK: so now I'm like, okay, so, you know, when I've been in my down depression times
TK: and, you know, I've said to people, I could use a snack for,
TK: I could use some time alone. Maybe you won't be able to get back to you till Tuesday.
TK: I could use this thing. So if it's a workplace thing, which a lot of my stuff
TK: was at the time or the source of a lot of my stuff and like it's friends and
TK: colleagues trying to give me
TK: workplace advice, if they work with me directly, I would say eventually,
TK: hey, love that.
TK: What I really need from you is, you know, when we're in the meeting and that
TK: thing happens, can you like back me up Or can you, like, reiterate,
TK: can you, like, throw the question back to me so I could repeat myself?
TK: Because I feel like this thing is happening to me a very specific way.
TK: So sometimes you literally have to spell it out to folks. You can't bank on
TK: folks reading your mind, you know?
Danny: Yeah. I mean, hopefully. But I would imagine, though, like, friends,
Danny: close friends especially, appreciate that approach, too, where,
Danny: you know, now they know how to help.
Danny: And maybe they felt bad about trying to help and then making you feel worse
Danny: as well. So now they're hopefully more cognizant about, okay,
Danny: let's really listen to what TK needs and let's make that happen.
TK: Yeah, definitely.
Danny: That is awesome advice. And again, I'm really bad at speaking directly.
Danny: It must be the Libra side of me where you're meant to balance the air crap out. So I will try.
TK: Yeah, say it when you go to your community meeting. What do you want for this fire hydrant now?
Danny: Yeah, exactly. I need it hosed up or just ornamental there. Yeah,
Danny: I like it. I will do that. Do that for sure.
Danny: All right, well, TK, we're almost there. Let's have a look then at question
Danny: number five to bring you home.
Danny: Okay, question number five, and I like this one to ease things out for the end
Danny: of the five random questions.
Danny: So, TK, number five, tell me about your dream house.
TK: Dream house. Okay, TK's dream house.
TK: I really love one of my next hobbies in life or my next career or my next whatever
TK: comes to me because I seem to be amassing a ton of hobbies as this life goes on.
TK: And as I try to like heal and do things that are outside of the norm is I love mid-century design.
TK: And I would firstly, I would just love a fixer upper to fix up.
TK: I think there's another part of me that's going to be like an interior decorator
TK: or some type of like that kind of person.
TK: A lot of the stuff in my current place is like found, found from the street,
TK: found from friends, found from Facebook Marketplace. And so I would love like
TK: a house that kind of blends contemporary modern design, right?
TK: Like modern convenience with stability of like old stuff, you know,
TK: like the refrigerators used to, they don't break, right?
TK: Like they didn't use to break and like inside a refrigerator,
TK: like back in the day, I don't know how back maybe the fifties,
TK: They used to have like a giant lazy Susan.
TK: So you can get the food and turn it and see the food. I think that's so like,
TK: mind-blowing um so i'd get myself an
TK: old fridge i'd get myself an old stove because they
TK: thought the future they thought they were they thought they
TK: were forecasting the future um in like the 50s and 60s so like the the stove
TK: would have four different compartments you could make pancakes and a roast at
TK: the same time and i'm not saying i'm any suzy homemaker at all but if there's
TK: an opportunity to make bacon and like a fried fish at the same time i'm gonna take it so like
TK: i would like some like appliances that are
TK: old and stable that i'd never have to like change but of course i would love
TK: to like of course like use a remote control to like control my air you know
TK: so that's what i mean about like that and then like some just like cool furniture
TK: with like bright colors like i want to get i want us to get away from beige
TK: i want us to get away from brown.
TK: Brown is cool, actually.
TK: Beige and these weird millennial gray.
TK: No, I just want us to be open to colors and wallpaper again.
TK: And when you walk into your house, people say, oh, these people are living.
TK: This is not just ornamental. I come from a people. My people are Caribbean.
TK: And I think more than just Caribbean people can relate to the plastic on the
TK: furniture and that room you don't go in.
TK: And I love my mom, but she's still, she does it now.
TK: Like there's places you don't sit. There's places you don't touch.
TK: I want to live in it. I want to get the cool couch and I want to put my feet
TK: all over it. I want it to be bright.
TK: I want rooms to have different kinds of wallpaper.
TK: My dream house is the dream house that I can design that has like
TK: amazing uh just comforts a space like to make art um a space for whoever i'm
TK: living with my chosen family to have their interests like to do their like art
TK: craft or whatever and then like cool like appliances from the past yeah i
Danny: Like it's like the jetson appliances right where you got the
Danny: future but they all sort of almost like the fantastic four as well
Danny: the most recent movie but had that yes i'm curious
Danny: you mentioned obviously the dream house would be get a fixer upper and then
Danny: infuse it with these different you know items and different styles and approaches
Danny: you've been in a lot of countries um that are very different from each other
Danny: different cultures is there something you pull from one of the countries or
Danny: two of the countries or whatever that you you feel i must have that if i had
Danny: a dream house i could do whatever i wanted i'd grab that from there.
TK: Yeah um i would say okay all
TK: the color stuff i'm definitely thinking mexico um
TK: the color and then just
TK: the the are all the art like all the handicrafts
TK: and all the those would be hanging in my house um
TK: the efficiency model that like japan has a lot of efficiency going for it so
TK: definitely would pull from that i have a thing for some of the small objects
TK: i make um like like plates and stuff like that like i think of you know like
TK: there's always a plate with,
TK: you know, y'all had the queen and I guess y'all have the king now.
TK: There's always a plate with a location or a royal on it.
TK: I love those kind of like effects in a home.
TK: I think we just shouldn't be shy about that stuff.
TK: And like wherever we go, bring some of it back.
TK: I'm very big into when I go somewhere, how do I make it home for me so that
TK: I can feel cozy? But when I come back home, what am I taking out of my suitcase
TK: to remind me that like, man, that was amazing.
TK: Tapestry, Japanese tapestry is beautiful.
TK: And then I do end up having too many little things, but I don't care. I don't care.
TK: Throw it all the way when I'm all gone. I don't care.
Danny: Yeah, and it's like you say, it's lived, right? It's a lived experience.
Danny: It's not like the, that can't be touched because that's pristine.
Danny: That's got to remain pristine. Like the best china, you can never use that for
Danny: tea or coffee or whatever, right? You can't do that.
Danny: But I'm guessing one thing you won't have in your dream house is a kimono fitting closet.
TK: No. They're not going to tie me up again. I can't do it. I can't do it
Danny: I try we'll not be bringing we'll not be bringing that in from Japan not at
Danny: all that is awesome well again if you do have that,
Danny: please share photographs you know I'd love to see that that's awesome and it's
Danny: nice to hear your approach to what a dream home would be because sometimes you
Danny: can get people that would be oh it'd be a massive mansion pool gardeners and
Danny: all that cool stuff which nothing wrong with that but I like the lived and approach where it's,
Danny: real about this is my experience this is my life and this is you're going to
Danny: be comfortable no matter who you are and you come to visit me you're going to
Danny: be comfortable which I love.
TK: Walk with your shoes. Well, shoes off, guys. Sorry. But I will have socks for
TK: people. Oh, and I will say one thing, Danny.
TK: You know, like there's a plague of the front lawn is like, I think the biggest
TK: thing, the biggest plague in housing in America, right?
TK: A waste of space and a way to take us away from our communities like this,
TK: the green, pristine front lawn.
TK: And I would just, oh, I would, I would probably make some people mad.
TK: I would just start planting food.
TK: I would plant food for people to, you know, if you see it and,
TK: you know, I'd put a little sign for my neighbors, take what you want,
TK: leave me, leave me like three,
TK: you know, take what you want, leave me three, come up on the porch,
TK: get some herbs, like, leave me a little bit, but, oh, I would love to rip up
TK: a front lawn and make it into a little garden. Yeah.
Danny: I hear you now. We used to live in a, close to Toronto, actually,
Danny: we used to live before the kids were born.
Danny: And it was always the same thing. It was like pristine lawns and a lot of wedges, etc.
Danny: And we moved to a little village six years ago, back to 2019,
Danny: just before the pandemic, actually.
Danny: And one of the things I really enjoyed is the fact that we've rewilded,
Danny: we'll just let the place go to the crap, if you like.
Danny: And because of that, it's a huge wilderness ecosystem now. You've got different
Danny: birds, critters, all that, and it's amazing.
Danny: So yeah, I'm 100% on you. I used to be that person that wanted the yard to look
Danny: really nice, trim it down, get it to a certain height with the grass, etc. Uh-uh, no more.
TK: Nah, there's so many, there's so much little joys in what you can find in a
TK: yard now. And I also learned that from a friend of mine who,
TK: she was a podcaster, and now she does farming.
TK: Like, she has a flower farm in Indianapolis, and she, that's what she does.
TK: And she walked me through Millennium Garden in Chicago.
TK: She walked me through and showed me their area, which just like you described,
TK: like your your home now has like just like all these this cool wildlife and
TK: different like stuff growing.
TK: She's like, yeah, so they did this on purpose.
TK: And people think that in the winter, you know, it looks overgrown and it's brown.
TK: And then she explained every part of that ecosystem. She's like,
TK: it's brown because like it's in it's hibernating. And underneath all these leaves
TK: that you think are dead are bugs that are feeding the soil.
TK: And in the spring, they'll come back, but we won't cut it per se.
TK: We're going to let it like, and I'm like, man, this is blowing my mind.
TK: And I'm like, man, if we could just all be more open to like that as a thing
TK: for our gardens, but also like a thing for our lives. There's a season. There's a reason.
TK: There's something that's feeding you from the inside that you won't even get to like.
TK: See bare fruit till later and
TK: i hope that that our lives that we can like kind of tap into that you know
Danny: I as mentioned i 100 agree and i think that's a perfect segue into the end of
Danny: your time on the random hot seat so i really appreciate that tk i love that
Danny: answer as is only fair i had you on the hot seat for about 40 minutes or so
Danny: now uh so it's only fair to hand over the question baton to you okay.
TK: So um with my podcast i'm i'm kind of going through my healing process and seeing
TK: what's on the other side and it's a journey so i'm asking other people because
TK: also i think other people feel very um
TK: People that have given me feedback, they feel very empowered to share with me
TK: what went wrong for them, what the cause of their burnout was. And I'm like, thank you.
TK: Appreciate that. Not your therapist.
TK: However, I am interested in hearing how you're healing.
TK: So, Danny, how are you healing? And it doesn't matter what from.
TK: And it doesn't matter what size or what level of healing. How are you healing?
Danny: No, no, I appreciate that. And I think it ties into the move that we made,
Danny: as I mentioned, six years ago.
Danny: We lived in a big city. It wasn't Toronto, but it was a city quite big.
Danny: There was a lot of people there, lots of great buildings and stuff. I worked at an agency.
Danny: Agency life can be demanding.
Danny: And it was a long commute. It was two hours there, two hours back.
Danny: So I had young kids that were five, six at the time, really young.
Danny: So I wasn't seeing them in the mornings. I'd left by the time they got up.
Danny: And they'd had dinner by the time we got home. And it was almost time for bed.
Danny: So there's a lot of stuff going on and it was just burnout burnout burnout and
Danny: I there was one morning where I sort of I was on the bus at the train station
Danny: getting ready to go on the train to Toronto to do my job and I couldn't go forward
Danny: I couldn't work and basically I had a breakdown,
Danny: and my wife as I mentioned she's very experienced with
Danny: mental wellness she had a podcast for a while about her journey
Danny: so she had me on to speak about that and my diagnosis and I
Danny: got a lot of good treatment with um a specialist place you
Danny: know where we lived at the time so that was awesome and it
Danny: made me realize that i had
Danny: to step back and get out of that environment so i
Danny: guess my healing from a wellness point of view and from just
Danny: a nicer place to be in here
Danny: and for the listeners i'm pointing to my head because we're
Danny: not you know doing video um was moving you know to a really small village there's
Danny: only 800 families here it's a very small place um there's a lovely lake about
Danny: a 15 minute walk from our house so you can go there and kayak and swim in the
Danny: summer and all that cool stuff and it freezes in the winter you can walk over it to one of the islands.
Danny: It's a nice place. It's a nice, quiet. It suits me.
Danny: And it's really, you know, people that I used to hang out with in the old place
Danny: where I lived know the difference in me when I speak to them on the phone or
Danny: go visit, you know, for holidays or whatever.
Danny: So I feel that that's my healing is I had to have that breakdown,
Danny: if you like, and then realize why it was happening.
Danny: And then, OK, what do we do? Let's move to a quieter place and start afresh almost. Wow.
TK: And just real quick, how did it feel? Was it scary to start over in another
TK: place, which was totally different from this big city?
Danny: It was super scary because you've got a whole different way of life to think
Danny: about. So you have to prep your home for winter because the winter's here last five months.
Danny: We live in a well. I never lived in a well before. So if that runs out because
Danny: of the hot weather, you've got problems.
Danny: We live on a septic so that manages all the waste and everything and you've
Danny: got to manage that every so often so there's a whole bunch of things that you
Danny: had to completely change that took getting used to and then the kids pulling
Danny: the kids out of school sort of halfway through the year to move up here in the
Danny: winter it was a big change but,
Danny: We can't imagine doing anything differently now. So it was scary and it took
Danny: us a while to get into the mindset of going from a way up here city-wise to
Danny: a way down here village-wise and all that entailed. So, yeah,
Danny: it was definitely scary.
Danny: I think, weirdly enough, the pandemic helped because we moved November 2019
Danny: and then March 2020, the world closed down, basically.
Danny: So that gave us time to adapt and learn what we had to learn, etc. et cetera.
Danny: So by the time the world kind of opened back up, all right, this is what we do.
Danny: Now we need to make friends and such as, and, you know, integrate ourselves
Danny: to the community. And that, that kind of helped, I think.
TK: Yeah. You guys tippy-toed into it.
Danny: Yeah. As opposed to just arriving and going, you know, gung-ho,
Danny: hey, we're from the city, let's do this. And that would have been awful.
Danny: That would have been awful. So yeah, it worked out that way for sure.
TK: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.
Danny: No, thank you for the question. I really appreciate it. And,
Danny: and, you know, it's, It's like you say, it just goes back to all you promote
Danny: as well, you know, taking the time, knowing yourself and being there for yourself.
Danny: So I appreciate that question, DK. Thank you.
TK: Yeah, I'm glad to.
Danny: So I really enjoyed chatting to you and hearing your answers and hearing the vulnerabilities.
Danny: For people that want to learn more about A, the podcast that you have,
Danny: B, you're speaking, C, the cool R and all the other amazing stuff that you do.
Danny: Where's the best place to A, connect or listen, etc.?
TK: Yes. Everything is on tastyquiche.com.
TK: That is what the TK stands for. That was my original, very, very original early
TK: days radio name when I was on broadcast.
TK: And tastyquiche.com and different tabs will take you to different places.
TK: The podcast is up there called The Secret Life of T.K.
TK: Dutess, and it is an experiment. It's nonlinear, you know, so sometimes we'll
TK: be on a journey of the mind.
TK: Sometimes we'll be on location and sometimes we'll be just in the world talking to each other.
TK: Super glad to be here. And I'm so very, very thankful, Danny. I appreciate you.
Danny: You're welcome. And I appreciate you being here. And I will leave all the links
Danny: to that in the show notes as always.
Danny: So whatever app you're listening on or if you're listening on the Five Random
Danny: Questions website, the episode show notes will have a link over to the website.
Danny: And you can catch all the amazing stuff that TK does there. And please do check
Danny: out the art section. There's some really, really cool, very nice stuff there.
Danny: So again, TK, thank you for appearing on today's Five Random Questions.
TK: Awesome. Thank you.
Danny: Thanks for listening to five random questions if you enjoyed this week's episode
Danny: i'd love for you to leave a review on the app you're currently listening on
Danny: or over at five random questions.com forward slash review and if you know someone
Danny: else that would enjoy the show be sure to send them this way it's very much
Danny: appreciated until the next time keep asking those questions.