TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person.

TK: You know, sometimes it doesn't match. It doesn't correlate.

TK: And I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize

TK: wasn't going to work for me.

TK: Because the advice was given to me by someone I loved. So I went and I tried

TK: it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.

Danny: Hi, and welcome to 5 Random Questions, a show with unexpected questions and unfiltered answers.

Danny: I'm your host, Danny Brown, and each week I'll be asking my guests five questions

Danny: created by a random question generator.

Danny: The guest has no idea what the questions are, and neither do I,

Danny: which means this could go either way. So sit back, relax, and let's dive into this week's episode.

Danny: Today's guest is Keisha TK Dutes. TK is an independent audio producer,

Danny: educator, host, and reporter with nearly two decades in radio and podcasting.

Danny: Her production credits include BuzzFeed's First Aid Kit, Function with Anil

Danny: Dash, Good Words with Kirk Franklin, and Open World.

Danny: She's taught at Spotify, PRX Podcast Garage, and BRIC Arts Media,

Danny: and currently serves on the board of the Association of Independence and Radio, AIR.

Danny: Through her company, Philo's Future Media, TK helps producers bring their ideas

Danny: to life. So TK, welcome to five random questions.

TK: Thank you so much, Danny. I'm ready. Let's do it.

Danny: I'm excited I'm excited and obviously

Danny: I mean looking at the bio there the introduction you've got a

Danny: massive amount of experience and passion for podcasting

Danny: and the audio medium but one thing that

Danny: I was interested to learn about I was looking at your website and

Danny: you've got there what you started during the pandemic you've got your visual

Danny: art practice where you use resins and molds to create various shapes and there's

Danny: some really cool and interesting pieces on the but one that jumped out to me

Danny: was a really cool one called Granny's Treasure.

Danny: Now, going by the name, I feel that must be inspired by your grandma.

Danny: But what's the story behind Granny's Treasure?

TK: Yeah, it's a, yeah, you saw the little jar with like the jewels on it.

TK: And it just reminded me of like, I don't know, I think every grandma had the

TK: three piece set, like a vessel, a brush and a mirror.

TK: And I just remember something like that being on my grandma's like vanity.

TK: And no one was, no one could touch it. you're not allowed to touch it.

TK: So that was kind of my way of recreating one piece of the three pieces.

TK: Eventually, I'll make the other pieces.

TK: But that was the beginning of that. And when I made it, I showed it to someone.

TK: And like the next week, it was in a small art show here in Brooklyn, New York.

TK: So I was like, when when I think of stuff like that, it's like,

TK: she's talking to me and I'm able to have her in different places.

TK: I'm so glad that resonated with you. I'm always surprised at how things resonate.

TK: People surprise me every time.

Danny: Yeah, well, like I said, I mean, there's some amazing, really cool, you know, items there.

Danny: And I'll be sure to leave the link to your visual art place,

Danny: visual art section on your side in the episode show notes so people can check it out.

Danny: Do you have like a favorite approach to how you come up with a design for that then?

TK: I would say I let the imperfections happen because I'm not, I guess,

TK: a classically trained, you know, artist.

TK: I didn't go to school for art. I literally found this medium during the pandemic.

TK: And then I had been influenced by people in my community.

TK: And so just osmosis. So I don't have like, there's a right way to do something.

TK: So I literally just keep going till I'm happy.

TK: And so it's kind of ugly till it's not to me, you know?

TK: So I'll keep adding colors. I'll keep adding gold leaf.

TK: Oh, more gems, more gems, more

TK: gems. Let's do it. Like, so my approach is keep going till you like it.

TK: And if you can't get to a place, because I've also gotten to a place where I don't like it.

TK: So I have to ask myself, why don't I like it? And I realize more often than

TK: not, it's because I'm not having a good day or a good time in life in that moment.

TK: And there's nothing I could do to get that back.

TK: And those pieces, sometimes I break them and reintegrate them into like a new

TK: piece. and and the second piece is like oh relief i feel better now yeah yeah

Danny: Well it's very cool and you these pieces are for sale or is that.

TK: You do yeah some of them um basically i'm like kind of i'm vibing so if you

TK: see it's like that type of thing you see something you like um like tell me

TK: because part of also i have to remember that i'm doing this for my wellness part of it is if i

TK: If I make it into work, then it becomes something else.

TK: So, but I also know that to be able to make more, I have to get rid of things.

TK: So I have, I've been working on my balance there.

TK: So basically kind of just ask.

Danny: I will definitely do that. Like I say, I was like really impressed when I was

Danny: just going through with them and some really fun, interesting pieces there.

Danny: So yeah, I will leave the link to that in the show notes for sure.

Danny: Thank you. But what we are here for as well is a little bit of fun on this side.

Danny: Where if it doesn't work, we'll go to the next question and we'll keep going that way.

Danny: So TK, are you ready to jump in five random questions hot seat?

TK: Yes, I'm ready, Danny.

Danny: Awesome. Let's bring up the random question generator.

Danny: Okay, this is a good one to start with here, I feel.

Danny: Question number one, if there was an extra hour every day, what would you do with it?

TK: There was an extra hour every day. What would I do with it?

TK: Man. Okay. So there's already not enough time in the world for anything,

TK: but if I did have an extra hour, man, I would, I would just end up doing what I do now.

TK: Like just another run, another, it's more runway, right?

TK: It's more runway to like sleep or do art or like,

TK: I would focus it on myself because there's so

TK: many hours in the day that you have to do you

TK: know work um I love my loved ones but

TK: you know give me a break um you know what I'm saying but I would do like come

TK: on let's just do like stuff we like I'd learn something I'd watch some more

TK: tv I'm not even gonna I'm not precious Danny let's just like self-care so self-care

TK: I would do more self-care with it

Danny: I think I really like that answer because, like you say, everybody's so busy.

Danny: And it seems that since the pandemic as well, everybody's busier.

Danny: You know, it was great for a while. Obviously, it wasn't great because of what

Danny: was going on in the world.

Danny: But it was great in that places were closed. You could stay at home.

Danny: You could, you know, have a better work-life balance, if you like.

Danny: You could spend more time with loved ones because it was lockdown,

Danny: stuff like that. And that kind of shifted again.

Danny: So I love the fact that you mentioned self-care and that it's not specific to,

Danny: okay, I would spend an extra hour in bed or spend an extra hour reading.

Danny: It's just whatever you're doing at the time, that would be the extra hour, I guess.

TK: Yeah. And I think, like you said, like a lot of us figured out,

TK: I mean, a lot of us kind of answered that question during the pandemic while

TK: it was absolutely weird and terrible and it played with our brains.

TK: It kind of reset something for us because we had to figure out what to do with

TK: the extra hours we were at home.

TK: So we were making bread. So we were, you know, doing care packages for our neighbors.

TK: We were like finding the outdoors again. So I think that more people can answer

TK: this question than we think.

TK: And, um, that's what I found. Like I reshifted my whole,

TK: um, I learned how to sleep my way

TK: like what times work for me I'm basically I'm

TK: I'm like I'm I'm I'm on eastern time spiritually

TK: but I think I'm on mountain time like in my heart and soul like or central you

TK: know so like I learned how to sleep again I learned some different things to

TK: do um learn how to make ice cream like like literally just like well I mean

TK: I guess since we're all here trying to figure something out

TK: I learned that I had more capacity for beverages, alcoholic beverages.

Danny: Yeah, I feel a lot of people probably did that. It's like the fight or flight

Danny: syndrome, isn't it? We think, okay, how am I going to cope with that?

Danny: I am curious, maybe, and maybe there isn't something specifically,

Danny: but you mentioned, obviously, you're very busy.

Danny: Is there one thing that you would maybe jettison in place of the extra one hour,

Danny: specifically or that you can think you know i could do another less of that

Danny: if it gives me more of this.

TK: Worrying worrying about

TK: a variety of things that i can't control and you

TK: know we all like uh there's all like these sayings about like not don't worry

TK: it's it's just what we do we worry we're human and if if there was a magic you

TK: know spell to worry less about things i couldn't control That is what I would get rid of because,

TK: you know, sometimes you're literally sitting there.

TK: You're just sitting and you're like, oh, wow.

TK: What if this person says this? Or what if this job that or someone was angry at me? But maybe I did.

TK: I do a thing. You're making up stories, you know, so.

TK: I would have to say worry less, you know?

Danny: Yeah, no, I like that. I had a guest then recently, we just recorded actually

Danny: for the new season and she was very similar where, you know,

Danny: she was very much about giving herself positive reinforcement.

Danny: Yeah. Like little sticky notes on the, you know, around the house just saying,

Danny: because there's so much negativity towards, you know, people in general, there can be.

Danny: It's important, like you say, to jetson that if you can and not worry about

Danny: the stuff that you can't control. If you can control it, great.

Danny: You've got an option to maybe change it, improve it, get rid of it.

Danny: But yeah, I like that completely that if you can't control it,

Danny: and especially when it comes to mental wellness and mental health,

Danny: it's key to not focus on that side.

TK: Yeah.

Danny: Well, I think that was a nice one to sort of open up and ease you into the random questions.

Danny: So let's have a look at question number two.

Danny: Okay, TK, question number two. What countries have you traveled to?

TK: Ooh, okay. I've traveled to, my first time out, I went to Japan.

TK: First time out of the country.

TK: I had a friend that was, she moved there and she missed America.

TK: And she was just like, my job is giving me like a little budget.

TK: I can bring you out here. And I was like, me for free?

TK: Go. OK. So I went to Japan as like a fresh face 20 something year old.

TK: And I was just with her and her friends that like her local friends.

TK: So I'm like having like super local experiences to the point where like I'm at the bar with them.

TK: We are having drinking all night like how like how local folks do.

TK: She was like, I'm going to order a, say, so like they have like a elder person come to your house.

TK: And she's like, we're going to put on the kimonos, but we're going to do it

TK: right. Like we're going to do it.

TK: We're going to do it. And this like grandma lady comes in and she like gets

TK: us suited up and you have to wear like undergarments a certain type of way.

TK: And then they tie the undergarment and they tie it really tight so that everything is snug.

TK: And I enjoyed it. I felt like I looked very beautiful in it.

TK: And I just never had that experience before, but I didn't

TK: know we were gonna be out like out and about for like 12

TK: hours so by the time it came to like meeting

TK: friends and hanging out and doing um like

TK: you know like restaurant bar activities I

TK: was just sitting at the bar and I was like why do I feel woozy the

TK: kimono was so tight by then it

TK: was like cutting off my circulation and um

TK: so like they had to like undo me

TK: like at the bar and like loosen everything up but like i just remember that

TK: and um that was i felt like i was like how much more authentic can it get like

TK: you're like dressed in you know the clothes of the people um from once upon

TK: a time and then you're also gonna pass out like how better can it get like yeah well

Danny: It's like the um the victorian corsets that victorian

Danny: women women wore in the uk i'm not sure if it

Danny: was outside the uk and europe i'm like the the bustles i

Danny: guess it said would be the north American equivalent if I

Danny: look at the the westerns you know like the old Wild West and

Danny: like the bustles where it was so pulled in tight at the waist so you had the

Danny: expanded hips and the expanded top half but the waist was like super super small

Danny: and to your point it's like um so many people or so many women sorry would faint

Danny: because the oxygen is being cut off it's been tight so tightly wrapped and pulled against you.

TK: The things we do for fashion Danny like

TK: I'm, I'm, I'm a different, I'm, it's been 20 years since that trip.

TK: I'm a different girl now.

TK: As we, as we talk today, I'm wearing soft, soft, soft, soft,

TK: soft pants with a very stretchy, um, um, belly part.

TK: And to your, you know, you were talking about the Victorian ladies, um, London.

TK: I've been to several times. I love London and, uh, my favorite kind of TV programming.

TK: Y'all make really good shows. I just got to say, I want to compliment you on

TK: behalf of your, your media.

TK: Fantastic programming thank you oh

Danny: It's funny my my wife's canadian and she came over to the uk for a visit when

Danny: we basically when we first met i guess so it was our first time together,

Danny: um and we spent a lot of time watching british tv and one of her favorite was

Danny: graham norton who's still going today who i think is amazing you know like he

Danny: like the guests he has on and he just lets them go and you get some crazy stories

Danny: from them because of that yeah.

TK: No like i think and And also, like, maybe this is The Grass Is Always Greener,

TK: right? Like, I'm someone from elsewhere that's looking at y'all's TV.

TK: But I just find it super refreshing.

TK: Very, even the dramas, it seem more candid, you know, than what I'm used to watching here.

TK: But so, okay, so London's on my list. Germany.

TK: Oh, my gosh. Oh, Mexico is like my second home nowadays, you know,

TK: especially with just like a lot of Black people have found their way to Mexico since the pandemic.

TK: And during the pandemic, if folks will remember, in America,

TK: we were having another resurgence of the civil rights movement,

TK: you know, with Black Lives Matter and all.

TK: I didn't make the permanent moves, but I'm definitely one of those folks that

TK: felt motivated to repeatedly visit.

TK: And now I feel comfortable calling it. I would call it a second home.

TK: And my brother has since moved there after seeing my adventures. So...

TK: You know, there's something in the water and it's a beautiful place. The people are lovely.

TK: There's a lot of work to be done in terms of like, you know,

TK: gentrification and understanding that like I can't go to I can't come from my

TK: country to gentrify yours.

TK: Right. So there's a lot of there's a lot of work to be done there in terms of

TK: like this expat slash immigrant commentary or conversation that's out right now.

TK: But those are just I think those are some of the places that I can remember

TK: off the bat that I've had some really great times at

Danny: No that's awesome because I know there's like there can be

Danny: a stereotype of Americans don't travel that much

Danny: outside your own country and I know that's not

Danny: true from many American friends I have and people I've spoken

Danny: to on this show for example but the

Danny: Mexico is interesting because I know a lot of Canadians

Danny: used to go to the US especially in the winter because winter in

Danny: canada i don't recommend it if you don't like the cold um so

Danny: we had a lot of snowbirds that would go to maybe florida or you know

Danny: southern parts of the u.s because it was warmer and because

Danny: of recent you know events with tariffs etc and statements made about 51st state

Danny: and all that kind of stuff um a lot of canadians are moving either to mexico

Danny: or are you choosing that and increasing their visits to mexico they'd always

Danny: go to mexico but now they're increasing it and looking to get property there

Danny: instead of, say, Florida or whatever.

Danny: So there does seem to be like a mind shift, a big shift in cultural approaches

Danny: to where you go and what you want to do there, etc.

TK: Yeah.

TK: Yeah. And I mean, I mean, I'm in a lot of these Facebook groups.

TK: So like you said, you know, like there's there's a mind shift.

TK: But then there's also just so much work to be done, man, because sometimes the

TK: Facebook groups, it's like, you know, you can't go play in these people's faces.

TK: You can't go play in in these people's country.

TK: Like it's it's your retirement plan. And you are actively, we are actively driving

TK: up prices every time we show up, right? We're doing some, we're actively doing something.

TK: So I just find the like, there's a disconnect, I think right now where people

TK: are like, well, I used to come here 10 years ago and the prices were so much more affordable.

TK: And I'm like, yeah, like follow that, follow that train of thought, friend, you know?

TK: So, you know, I just want us to be responsible travelers and responsible,

TK: like, relocators, if that's what's going to happen.

TK: So I'm working on it for myself. And when I talk to my friends,

TK: that too, because it's the only way, right? You got to talk to your people.

Danny: Yeah. And I feel as well with the work that you do and the experience that you've

Danny: got, and even the art, your personal work that you're doing,

Danny: you've got so much experience that you can transfer anywhere.

Danny: You know so if Mexico is your destination and your your spiritual new home etc

Danny: I feel like you can easily transplant that and then as you mentioned ensure

Danny: that it's being done properly and with respect to the existing cultures and

Danny: and infrastructure etc yeah.

TK: Absolutely no I agree

Danny: Awesome well I hope you get there and you let me know uh we'll have to have

Danny: you back on as repeat guests with maybe five featured questions about you know

Danny: your new life and a new setup etc oh.

TK: Yeah absolutely i'll come back anytime

Danny: Awesome awesome but for now

Danny: we will keep them random so without further ado let's have a look at question

Danny: number three okay tk here we go and i feel i may have answered this asked this

Danny: before but uh it's always a fun one to pop up so i'm going to ask you anyway

Danny: if that's okay question number three what's the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you.

TK: Wow. Okay. So I do public speaking and I'm a podcaster. So this is usually not a problem for me.

TK: But I was super challenged one time.

TK: And I guess I also just hadn't grown into myself. I was a little bit younger,

TK: a little bit new to the scene.

TK: And I used to do a lot of different hip hop shows.

TK: And this live band they had invited me to just be with them like they they had this real innovative

TK: Way of performing it was called they were called the real live show and they

TK: would perform every Tuesday at this small underground like bar in in New York

TK: City in the Lower East Side so like very cool and their whole theme was like

TK: spaced out hip-hop and they would just invite different guests.

TK: And for some reason, I guess I wasn't suited or I'm not suited to like that kind of thing.

TK: I'm a speaker. I engaged on this level, not with a backing track or whatever,

TK: but this was like human beings playing like the drums, playing the trumpet, playing this.

TK: And then like they had a whole storyline and I

TK: was trying to jump in and I was trying to catch the

TK: beat and I couldn't and I felt all

TK: eyes on me I felt so embarrassed I

TK: like somehow I think one of the guys saved me like he jumped in like you know

TK: like every performer can feel when someone else is kind of like not getting

TK: it and I had two friends that were there and they all they were friends they

TK: They were not friends with each other anymore,

TK: but they can both tell that I needed help

TK: Something. So we just, they just both walked with me outside without talking to each other.

TK: And I was just like, I'm so, you know, I was just so mad, so embarrassed,

TK: so like, just hurt at like not being good at a thing.

TK: And I don't, I don't recall ever going back. And I kind of regret that.

TK: And I try to do my best these days. And I try to prepare and I try to like, learn new skills. And

TK: You know, so like I've been to freestyle workshops and like,

TK: how do you, you know, I want to be able to jump into a thing.

TK: And I just never want to feel like that again. And I felt that was when I felt most embarrassed.

TK: So maybe I, you know how sometimes you like over process your trauma.

TK: So now I'm like, I'm always like in my mind, I think I'm overprepared.

TK: Right. I've I'm reading books. I'm going to have all the talking points.

TK: It's like, how many ways can an interview go? I'm going to figure out all the ways.

TK: But I definitely think the experience made me better as a performer,

TK: as an interviewer, as a person that's just ready to jump right into something.

TK: But it was a hard lesson to learn. It was hard.

Danny: Well, especially because it's in the public space, right? You've got people

Danny: watching you and seeing you, for want of a better word, crumble almost.

Danny: You know, and confidence evaporate. And I'm wondering, obviously,

Danny: you're a podcaster, you're in the media space, public speaking,

Danny: but you feel maybe the problem, if you like, was with podcasts,

Danny: you're driving the narrative,

Danny: you're managing, you know, the interview, the guests, the solo direction.

Danny: With public speaking, again, you're managing the narrative and how you're putting

Danny: points across and when they come out to the audiences in front of you.

Danny: Whereas, obviously, with freestyling or with the, when you get an up like open

Danny: mic almost yeah it's someone else's narrative now so now you're trying to fit

Danny: in and maybe that was where the disconnect was but.

TK: Yeah no I definitely looking back

TK: I definitely think so and it's like this

TK: pressure to fit into someone else's thing and they had been so well integrated

TK: and I think I put too much pressure to be like them instead of be like me because

TK: now I would have probably said, hey, guys, stop.

TK: And let me do a little something like this off the top of my dome,

TK: you know, like and then just like, you know, like maybe and just be and just

TK: accept that I can't catch a beat and just be like, hey, guys,

TK: we're going to stop the space travel for a second.

TK: But y'all are going to still come with me on a journey and I'm going to just

TK: talk and I'm just going to share.

TK: All right, guys, pick it back up and we're back. You know, like,

TK: now I understand that, like, yeah, like, I kind of allowed my agency to be given

TK: away in that moment now that I think about it.

Danny: No, no, and that makes perfect sense. It goes back to your point again about,

Danny: you know, not being able to control something, you know, and putting so much

Danny: emphasis on what you can't control.

Danny: And obviously you can't control the tightness of the band and how they perform.

Danny: That's their stage, that's their, you know, their movements, etc.

Danny: But you can control okay i'm going to take a little bit narrative here

Danny: and insert my own okay let's

Danny: do this and then we can come back to your side yeah um so i feel that that backs

Danny: up your point from earlier you know where it's about now you're older and i

Danny: say that with much respect i'm not saying you're old at all now you're older

Danny: you know that you can understand you can recognize that and how to avoid that

Danny: and overcome it then yeah.

TK: Definitely it's about stopping um

TK: my friend told me a good piece of advice and he does

TK: he did his first TED talk and I recently gave

TK: a speech to like 400 colleagues that I was super like nervous about and he said

TK: when he said when they do a TED talk they make you do it off the top of your

TK: head you cannot there's not a note in sight and that they instruct them,

TK: TED folks instruct the speakers, if you get hung up on something, just stop.

TK: And then it'll come to you. You'll pick it back up. And also for editing,

TK: right? They put a lot of that stuff on YouTube. So they want you to just stop.

TK: So when I gave my speech, nervous as I was, I got to a point where I didn't

TK: know how I was going to deliver it. They just had a stage, a mic,

TK: and I'm just in just the scene.

TK: And I'm looking around and I'm like, okay, chair, table, I got my mic.

TK: No one's done this before.

TK: I decided to set the scene on the stage and take an extra like minute and a

TK: half to bring over the chair, bring over a small table.

TK: And in that minute and a half where I'm setting my scene, I'm building the room,

TK: right? And I'm giving them a setting that is for me and no longer this auditorium setting.

TK: So when I brought the chair over and I got all the things together,

TK: I said, welcome to my bedroom.

TK: I'm going to read from my journal now. And those were my notes.

TK: Right. So that like, yeah, no longer looks like notes and no longer looks like

TK: a person trying to give a talk.

TK: It is you have now been invited to my intimate space. And then when I sat down

TK: in the chair, I felt myself lock in.

TK: And when my friend told me to stop, when I would get to a part where I just

TK: was like, I was just like,

TK: hold on guys, let me turn the page. That was me stopping. Right.

TK: And like, and I think that girl from a couple of weeks ago that gave that speech,

TK: talking to, you know, the, the girl that was freestyling at the restaurant or

TK: trying her best, I think they'd have an interesting conversation, you know?

Danny: Yeah. I really liked that approach. It's like you say,

Danny: it's, it's giving you time to take control of the, the environmental situation,

Danny: but it's making people focus on you and what you're doing in

Danny: readiness for that so they know okay we have props or you know for one better

Danny: description we have tk on the stage we have these this is my visual cue this

Danny: is what i'm going to focus on so i love that the way you sort of flipped that

Danny: a little bit and made it your space and this is my room this is where i feel

Danny: comfortable now i can talk and let's go let's do this together,

Danny: that is awesome i want to keep that in mind i don't do public speaking but if

Danny: i have to get up in front of the community hall or anything like that for the

Danny: local village where i live yeah i I'm going to keep that in mind.

Danny: I might just pull over like a little fire hydrant or something like that.

Danny: Something weird that they've got to focus on apart from me.

TK: Yes. And let me know how that goes because it's your community.

Danny: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I wish you were to do that. Maybe over the Christmas

Danny: period, they certainly do like a dinner and get everybody together.

Danny: So they sometimes get people up there. So I shall definitely for sure let you know on that.

Danny: One thing I do know is it's time for question number four. Are we ready to move

Danny: on now with question number four, TK?

TK: Yeah, let's do it.

Danny: Awesome. Okay, I like this because you were just speaking about advice that

Danny: you got. So I like this question, actually.

Danny: Question four, what is the worst advice that you got that you actually listened to?

TK: Ooh, that I actually listened to. Okay. This is going to be a little,

TK: it's going to be a little vulnerable.

TK: I kind of share this in my podcast, The Secret Life of TK Dutess.

TK: And that first episode is about my journey through burnout or like what happened, right?

TK: And burnout looks a lot of ways and it presents very specifically for Black people, Black women.

TK: And I forget that things. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I love,

TK: it doesn't matter to me who they are, right?

TK: They're black, they're white, it doesn't matter. But I forget that the world

TK: is experienced differently based on who we are.

TK: So in the podcast, there's a moment where I'm reflecting on my colleagues,

TK: you know, lovely people.

TK: They happen to be white and they're sharing. They're like, TK, they're reflecting.

TK: They're like, this thing that happened to you, it's absolutely crazy. have you

TK: done this that and a third right and I go you know

TK: what let me go do that and then I realized

TK: it it doesn't I go do the thing it doesn't

TK: work for me because the world doesn't experience me like they experience the

TK: world right like my white colleagues have a different experience than me so

TK: I call it taking white advice as a black person you know sometimes it doesn't match.

TK: It doesn't correlate. And I ended up

TK: I ended up feeling worse because I tried something that I didn't realize wasn't

TK: going to work for me because the advice was given to me by someone I loved.

TK: So I went and I tried it, but I forgot to factor in our differences and how the world looks at us.

TK: So it kind of made me sad and a little bit alienated me from my friends because

TK: I was scared to tell them stuff and I was scared to receive advice that I then

TK: would be overcritical of because I think, well, this is not going to work for me, whatever,

TK: you know, or that also that they didn't see it, that it wouldn't work for me, right?

TK: That because it worked for you, they weren't realizing that it wouldn't work for me.

TK: And that kind of made me feel like, man, maybe they don't know me.

TK: Maybe they don't see me. And maybe now I'm going down the road.

TK: When I say worry less, I wish I could worry less.

TK: But it's kind of like the cards have been dealt.

TK: And these are the things that go through my mind. And so anyway,

TK: all that to say is it's not like a piece of advice.

TK: It's it's just a tough, a tough thing, a tough difference that I've had to, like, realize.

TK: And now I have to you kind of have to do it with everybody. Right.

TK: So, you know, what did you take?

TK: Would you take dental advice from a dentist with messed up teeth? No.

TK: Like, you know, so now I kind of have to look at the world like,

TK: OK, well, who's talking?

TK: And I kind of also would love to

TK: ask the world before they say stuff to recognize who they're talking to,

TK: you know, and I think a lot of people with chronic illness could probably relate

TK: in a way that like people give them unsolicited advice.

TK: They go, have you tried yoga? Have you stretched? Have you drank this mushroom

TK: tea? And these people are like, I'm in pain.

TK: Recognize that i'm in pain so it's kind of like that i don't know you know and

TK: i hope i'm i'm correlating it properly but for me i feel like there's different

TK: populations that can like understand that

Danny: 100 and i know i can

Danny: here's a certainly smaller example my

Danny: wife and she suffers from mental she suffers from

Danny: depression and anxiety and she has done since she's 20

Danny: years old and one of her old employers one of her old

Danny: bosses said well if you try yoga that'll make you

Danny: feel better it's like but not being in that not being

Danny: in the same position uh you know as my wife who's

Danny: got these issues and how she deals with them um and and

Danny: to your point tk it's even the

Danny: most like well-intentioned ally unless they're living the experience of the

Danny: person they're trying to be an ally for can never give the that the right advice

Danny: they can give advice maybe but as you see unless it's lived it could never be

Danny: the the right advice i feel yeah.

TK: There's that barrier you know

TK: like we can knock that barrier down but

TK: like and also like knowing and because i also want to be

TK: very clear that there are some people that that have your experience that

TK: will give you absolutely crap advice

TK: um so there's that but i

TK: think we all have to just be like it comes with just recognizing

TK: who a person is and the body they're living in that

TK: that actually counts you know like that means something and I think my disappointment

TK: came from not realizing that sooner and then feeling hurt that they didn't see

TK: it right you know so when you talk about your wife you know like yeah like

TK: It's like, don't you see, like, I'm going through something and this doesn't help me at all.

TK: You know, like, ask me what I need and then, like, let's talk, you know. So, yeah.

Danny: And I was going to ask you that. What is your sort of approach to that then

Danny: where you can maybe see that people are trying to help, but they're doing the

Danny: opposite almost because they're not in your shoes.

Danny: They don't know exactly what you're going through, what you need at that time.

Danny: Do you try and, like, steer them or give them advice?

Danny: Or do you, like, what's your approach?

TK: Now I try to, you know, well, now that I have it in my mind,

TK: like, I have an example of, like, this thing.

TK: I try to stop it before it continues. I go, oh, no, I promise you that's not

TK: going to work for me. I've tried that already.

TK: What I need is X. And then I'm, you got to be prepared to ask for something

TK: and be direct nowadays because if you leave it up to folks, it's just whatever their experience is.

TK: So yoga might be the thing for that person. And you just say,

TK: so now I'm like, okay, so, you know, when I've been in my down depression times

TK: and, you know, I've said to people, I could use a snack for,

TK: I could use some time alone. Maybe you won't be able to get back to you till Tuesday.

TK: I could use this thing. So if it's a workplace thing, which a lot of my stuff

TK: was at the time or the source of a lot of my stuff and like it's friends and

TK: colleagues trying to give me

TK: workplace advice, if they work with me directly, I would say eventually,

TK: hey, love that.

TK: What I really need from you is, you know, when we're in the meeting and that

TK: thing happens, can you like back me up Or can you, like, reiterate,

TK: can you, like, throw the question back to me so I could repeat myself?

TK: Because I feel like this thing is happening to me a very specific way.

TK: So sometimes you literally have to spell it out to folks. You can't bank on

TK: folks reading your mind, you know?

Danny: Yeah. I mean, hopefully. But I would imagine, though, like, friends,

Danny: close friends especially, appreciate that approach, too, where,

Danny: you know, now they know how to help.

Danny: And maybe they felt bad about trying to help and then making you feel worse

Danny: as well. So now they're hopefully more cognizant about, okay,

Danny: let's really listen to what TK needs and let's make that happen.

TK: Yeah, definitely.

Danny: That is awesome advice. And again, I'm really bad at speaking directly.

Danny: It must be the Libra side of me where you're meant to balance the air crap out. So I will try.

TK: Yeah, say it when you go to your community meeting. What do you want for this fire hydrant now?

Danny: Yeah, exactly. I need it hosed up or just ornamental there. Yeah,

Danny: I like it. I will do that. Do that for sure.

Danny: All right, well, TK, we're almost there. Let's have a look then at question

Danny: number five to bring you home.

Danny: Okay, question number five, and I like this one to ease things out for the end

Danny: of the five random questions.

Danny: So, TK, number five, tell me about your dream house.

TK: Dream house. Okay, TK's dream house.

TK: I really love one of my next hobbies in life or my next career or my next whatever

TK: comes to me because I seem to be amassing a ton of hobbies as this life goes on.

TK: And as I try to like heal and do things that are outside of the norm is I love mid-century design.

TK: And I would firstly, I would just love a fixer upper to fix up.

TK: I think there's another part of me that's going to be like an interior decorator

TK: or some type of like that kind of person.

TK: A lot of the stuff in my current place is like found, found from the street,

TK: found from friends, found from Facebook Marketplace. And so I would love like

TK: a house that kind of blends contemporary modern design, right?

TK: Like modern convenience with stability of like old stuff, you know,

TK: like the refrigerators used to, they don't break, right?

TK: Like they didn't use to break and like inside a refrigerator,

TK: like back in the day, I don't know how back maybe the fifties,

TK: They used to have like a giant lazy Susan.

TK: So you can get the food and turn it and see the food. I think that's so like,

TK: mind-blowing um so i'd get myself an

TK: old fridge i'd get myself an old stove because they

TK: thought the future they thought they were they thought they

TK: were forecasting the future um in like the 50s and 60s so like the the stove

TK: would have four different compartments you could make pancakes and a roast at

TK: the same time and i'm not saying i'm any suzy homemaker at all but if there's

TK: an opportunity to make bacon and like a fried fish at the same time i'm gonna take it so like

TK: i would like some like appliances that are

TK: old and stable that i'd never have to like change but of course i would love

TK: to like of course like use a remote control to like control my air you know

TK: so that's what i mean about like that and then like some just like cool furniture

TK: with like bright colors like i want to get i want us to get away from beige

TK: i want us to get away from brown.

TK: Brown is cool, actually.

TK: Beige and these weird millennial gray.

TK: No, I just want us to be open to colors and wallpaper again.

TK: And when you walk into your house, people say, oh, these people are living.

TK: This is not just ornamental. I come from a people. My people are Caribbean.

TK: And I think more than just Caribbean people can relate to the plastic on the

TK: furniture and that room you don't go in.

TK: And I love my mom, but she's still, she does it now.

TK: Like there's places you don't sit. There's places you don't touch.

TK: I want to live in it. I want to get the cool couch and I want to put my feet

TK: all over it. I want it to be bright.

TK: I want rooms to have different kinds of wallpaper.

TK: My dream house is the dream house that I can design that has like

TK: amazing uh just comforts a space like to make art um a space for whoever i'm

TK: living with my chosen family to have their interests like to do their like art

TK: craft or whatever and then like cool like appliances from the past yeah i

Danny: Like it's like the jetson appliances right where you got the

Danny: future but they all sort of almost like the fantastic four as well

Danny: the most recent movie but had that yes i'm curious

Danny: you mentioned obviously the dream house would be get a fixer upper and then

Danny: infuse it with these different you know items and different styles and approaches

Danny: you've been in a lot of countries um that are very different from each other

Danny: different cultures is there something you pull from one of the countries or

Danny: two of the countries or whatever that you you feel i must have that if i had

Danny: a dream house i could do whatever i wanted i'd grab that from there.

TK: Yeah um i would say okay all

TK: the color stuff i'm definitely thinking mexico um

TK: the color and then just

TK: the the are all the art like all the handicrafts

TK: and all the those would be hanging in my house um

TK: the efficiency model that like japan has a lot of efficiency going for it so

TK: definitely would pull from that i have a thing for some of the small objects

TK: i make um like like plates and stuff like that like i think of you know like

TK: there's always a plate with,

TK: you know, y'all had the queen and I guess y'all have the king now.

TK: There's always a plate with a location or a royal on it.

TK: I love those kind of like effects in a home.

TK: I think we just shouldn't be shy about that stuff.

TK: And like wherever we go, bring some of it back.

TK: I'm very big into when I go somewhere, how do I make it home for me so that

TK: I can feel cozy? But when I come back home, what am I taking out of my suitcase

TK: to remind me that like, man, that was amazing.

TK: Tapestry, Japanese tapestry is beautiful.

TK: And then I do end up having too many little things, but I don't care. I don't care.

TK: Throw it all the way when I'm all gone. I don't care.

Danny: Yeah, and it's like you say, it's lived, right? It's a lived experience.

Danny: It's not like the, that can't be touched because that's pristine.

Danny: That's got to remain pristine. Like the best china, you can never use that for

Danny: tea or coffee or whatever, right? You can't do that.

Danny: But I'm guessing one thing you won't have in your dream house is a kimono fitting closet.

TK: No. They're not going to tie me up again. I can't do it. I can't do it

Danny: I try we'll not be bringing we'll not be bringing that in from Japan not at

Danny: all that is awesome well again if you do have that,

Danny: please share photographs you know I'd love to see that that's awesome and it's

Danny: nice to hear your approach to what a dream home would be because sometimes you

Danny: can get people that would be oh it'd be a massive mansion pool gardeners and

Danny: all that cool stuff which nothing wrong with that but I like the lived and approach where it's,

Danny: real about this is my experience this is my life and this is you're going to

Danny: be comfortable no matter who you are and you come to visit me you're going to

Danny: be comfortable which I love.

TK: Walk with your shoes. Well, shoes off, guys. Sorry. But I will have socks for

TK: people. Oh, and I will say one thing, Danny.

TK: You know, like there's a plague of the front lawn is like, I think the biggest

TK: thing, the biggest plague in housing in America, right?

TK: A waste of space and a way to take us away from our communities like this,

TK: the green, pristine front lawn.

TK: And I would just, oh, I would, I would probably make some people mad.

TK: I would just start planting food.

TK: I would plant food for people to, you know, if you see it and,

TK: you know, I'd put a little sign for my neighbors, take what you want,

TK: leave me, leave me like three,

TK: you know, take what you want, leave me three, come up on the porch,

TK: get some herbs, like, leave me a little bit, but, oh, I would love to rip up

TK: a front lawn and make it into a little garden. Yeah.

Danny: I hear you now. We used to live in a, close to Toronto, actually,

Danny: we used to live before the kids were born.

Danny: And it was always the same thing. It was like pristine lawns and a lot of wedges, etc.

Danny: And we moved to a little village six years ago, back to 2019,

Danny: just before the pandemic, actually.

Danny: And one of the things I really enjoyed is the fact that we've rewilded,

Danny: we'll just let the place go to the crap, if you like.

Danny: And because of that, it's a huge wilderness ecosystem now. You've got different

Danny: birds, critters, all that, and it's amazing.

Danny: So yeah, I'm 100% on you. I used to be that person that wanted the yard to look

Danny: really nice, trim it down, get it to a certain height with the grass, etc. Uh-uh, no more.

TK: Nah, there's so many, there's so much little joys in what you can find in a

TK: yard now. And I also learned that from a friend of mine who,

TK: she was a podcaster, and now she does farming.

TK: Like, she has a flower farm in Indianapolis, and she, that's what she does.

TK: And she walked me through Millennium Garden in Chicago.

TK: She walked me through and showed me their area, which just like you described,

TK: like your your home now has like just like all these this cool wildlife and

TK: different like stuff growing.

TK: She's like, yeah, so they did this on purpose.

TK: And people think that in the winter, you know, it looks overgrown and it's brown.

TK: And then she explained every part of that ecosystem. She's like,

TK: it's brown because like it's in it's hibernating. And underneath all these leaves

TK: that you think are dead are bugs that are feeding the soil.

TK: And in the spring, they'll come back, but we won't cut it per se.

TK: We're going to let it like, and I'm like, man, this is blowing my mind.

TK: And I'm like, man, if we could just all be more open to like that as a thing

TK: for our gardens, but also like a thing for our lives. There's a season. There's a reason.

TK: There's something that's feeding you from the inside that you won't even get to like.

TK: See bare fruit till later and

TK: i hope that that our lives that we can like kind of tap into that you know

Danny: I as mentioned i 100 agree and i think that's a perfect segue into the end of

Danny: your time on the random hot seat so i really appreciate that tk i love that

Danny: answer as is only fair i had you on the hot seat for about 40 minutes or so

Danny: now uh so it's only fair to hand over the question baton to you okay.

TK: So um with my podcast i'm i'm kind of going through my healing process and seeing

TK: what's on the other side and it's a journey so i'm asking other people because

TK: also i think other people feel very um

TK: People that have given me feedback, they feel very empowered to share with me

TK: what went wrong for them, what the cause of their burnout was. And I'm like, thank you.

TK: Appreciate that. Not your therapist.

TK: However, I am interested in hearing how you're healing.

TK: So, Danny, how are you healing? And it doesn't matter what from.

TK: And it doesn't matter what size or what level of healing. How are you healing?

Danny: No, no, I appreciate that. And I think it ties into the move that we made,

Danny: as I mentioned, six years ago.

Danny: We lived in a big city. It wasn't Toronto, but it was a city quite big.

Danny: There was a lot of people there, lots of great buildings and stuff. I worked at an agency.

Danny: Agency life can be demanding.

Danny: And it was a long commute. It was two hours there, two hours back.

Danny: So I had young kids that were five, six at the time, really young.

Danny: So I wasn't seeing them in the mornings. I'd left by the time they got up.

Danny: And they'd had dinner by the time we got home. And it was almost time for bed.

Danny: So there's a lot of stuff going on and it was just burnout burnout burnout and

Danny: I there was one morning where I sort of I was on the bus at the train station

Danny: getting ready to go on the train to Toronto to do my job and I couldn't go forward

Danny: I couldn't work and basically I had a breakdown,

Danny: and my wife as I mentioned she's very experienced with

Danny: mental wellness she had a podcast for a while about her journey

Danny: so she had me on to speak about that and my diagnosis and I

Danny: got a lot of good treatment with um a specialist place you

Danny: know where we lived at the time so that was awesome and it

Danny: made me realize that i had

Danny: to step back and get out of that environment so i

Danny: guess my healing from a wellness point of view and from just

Danny: a nicer place to be in here

Danny: and for the listeners i'm pointing to my head because we're

Danny: not you know doing video um was moving you know to a really small village there's

Danny: only 800 families here it's a very small place um there's a lovely lake about

Danny: a 15 minute walk from our house so you can go there and kayak and swim in the

Danny: summer and all that cool stuff and it freezes in the winter you can walk over it to one of the islands.

Danny: It's a nice place. It's a nice, quiet. It suits me.

Danny: And it's really, you know, people that I used to hang out with in the old place

Danny: where I lived know the difference in me when I speak to them on the phone or

Danny: go visit, you know, for holidays or whatever.

Danny: So I feel that that's my healing is I had to have that breakdown,

Danny: if you like, and then realize why it was happening.

Danny: And then, OK, what do we do? Let's move to a quieter place and start afresh almost. Wow.

TK: And just real quick, how did it feel? Was it scary to start over in another

TK: place, which was totally different from this big city?

Danny: It was super scary because you've got a whole different way of life to think

Danny: about. So you have to prep your home for winter because the winter's here last five months.

Danny: We live in a well. I never lived in a well before. So if that runs out because

Danny: of the hot weather, you've got problems.

Danny: We live on a septic so that manages all the waste and everything and you've

Danny: got to manage that every so often so there's a whole bunch of things that you

Danny: had to completely change that took getting used to and then the kids pulling

Danny: the kids out of school sort of halfway through the year to move up here in the

Danny: winter it was a big change but,

Danny: We can't imagine doing anything differently now. So it was scary and it took

Danny: us a while to get into the mindset of going from a way up here city-wise to

Danny: a way down here village-wise and all that entailed. So, yeah,

Danny: it was definitely scary.

Danny: I think, weirdly enough, the pandemic helped because we moved November 2019

Danny: and then March 2020, the world closed down, basically.

Danny: So that gave us time to adapt and learn what we had to learn, etc. et cetera.

Danny: So by the time the world kind of opened back up, all right, this is what we do.

Danny: Now we need to make friends and such as, and, you know, integrate ourselves

Danny: to the community. And that, that kind of helped, I think.

TK: Yeah. You guys tippy-toed into it.

Danny: Yeah. As opposed to just arriving and going, you know, gung-ho,

Danny: hey, we're from the city, let's do this. And that would have been awful.

Danny: That would have been awful. So yeah, it worked out that way for sure.

TK: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.

Danny: No, thank you for the question. I really appreciate it. And,

Danny: and, you know, it's, It's like you say, it just goes back to all you promote

Danny: as well, you know, taking the time, knowing yourself and being there for yourself.

Danny: So I appreciate that question, DK. Thank you.

TK: Yeah, I'm glad to.

Danny: So I really enjoyed chatting to you and hearing your answers and hearing the vulnerabilities.

Danny: For people that want to learn more about A, the podcast that you have,

Danny: B, you're speaking, C, the cool R and all the other amazing stuff that you do.

Danny: Where's the best place to A, connect or listen, etc.?

TK: Yes. Everything is on tastyquiche.com.

TK: That is what the TK stands for. That was my original, very, very original early

TK: days radio name when I was on broadcast.

TK: And tastyquiche.com and different tabs will take you to different places.

TK: The podcast is up there called The Secret Life of T.K.

TK: Dutess, and it is an experiment. It's nonlinear, you know, so sometimes we'll

TK: be on a journey of the mind.

TK: Sometimes we'll be on location and sometimes we'll be just in the world talking to each other.

TK: Super glad to be here. And I'm so very, very thankful, Danny. I appreciate you.

Danny: You're welcome. And I appreciate you being here. And I will leave all the links

Danny: to that in the show notes as always.

Danny: So whatever app you're listening on or if you're listening on the Five Random

Danny: Questions website, the episode show notes will have a link over to the website.

Danny: And you can catch all the amazing stuff that TK does there. And please do check

Danny: out the art section. There's some really, really cool, very nice stuff there.

Danny: So again, TK, thank you for appearing on today's Five Random Questions.

TK: Awesome. Thank you.

Danny: Thanks for listening to five random questions if you enjoyed this week's episode

Danny: i'd love for you to leave a review on the app you're currently listening on

Danny: or over at five random questions.com forward slash review and if you know someone

Danny: else that would enjoy the show be sure to send them this way it's very much

Danny: appreciated until the next time keep asking those questions.