You know how in the mirror you finally start to recognize the person looking back

Not because everything is perfect

Matter of fact everything's far from perfect but because the noise gets quite enough for you to be able to hear your own voice again

That was a mirror stage

And right here is where we admit and realize something very simple very annoying but very true

Nothing lasts forever

When you're on top of the world it won't be forever

When the world is on top of you still won't be forever

The season always turns

And honestly I just I used to hate that man I used to hate that

I wanted more permanents

I wanted a finish line that stayed finish

I didn't want to keep moving that fucking goalpost

But life isn't a trophy case

It's more of a garden

There's planting there's pruning there's storms that make you question if anything's gonna grow again

And then somehow you get sprouts

The lonely chapter taught me that the prize of entry is solitude

The mirror sage taught me to stop borrowing my reflection from others people's eyes and other people's thoughts

This chapter is where I learn to start arguing with these seasons because this is where wisdom lies in seeing the cycle before the cycle sees you

You know when I was taking these notes and I wrote down nothing lasts forever you know it kind of sounds like this bumper sticker thing

Like you know you know when I was taking these notes and then I wrote this nothing lasts forever line it honestly sounded like something that you would put in your bumper like a bumper sticker until you actually operate

Like it's true

When you're up you hold the wind with open arms

When you're down you don't cement your identity in wet concrete

Either way

You stop making forever claims about temporary weather

There were times in business where I felt untouchable top of the world euphoric as Fuck Phone Ringing Calendar was full the team was good doing good the numbers up into the right and I told myself fuck it's finally working

I figured it out

Then a week later you get complaints people stop showing up

There's invoice delays

And I told myself man fuck I'm an idiot

Neither was actually true

I was just living inside of a season and pretending it was like this kind of personality test

The skill is this

Don't confuse momentum with character and don't confuse a slump with truth

The season always turns you know this whole concept of war in Vatris is essentially just saying that like hey we love highlight reels the overnight successes the explosive growth right hundred percent 1,000 x

But if I'm honestly the winds but if I'm honest the winds that actually changed my life were the very very boring ones

No confetti just quiet consistency boring victories achieve no fanfare but they're even more meaningful

The email you send even though you feel awkward the call you return when you rather hide that workout you do on a Tuesday with no camera rolling when you're tired as fuck the budget you stick to when you the budget you stick to when you're tempted to flex because everything is going right

These are the bricks that absolutely no one sees you lay down and no one claps for them and the exact bricks that everything else stands on

I think about moments I didn't want to show up to the job or moments where I just kind of want to lay in bed but I still did

Nobody posted about that

Nobody was flexing nobody DM me bro that was fucking inspiring as hell

But those are the small hinges that swing big doors

If you wait for applause to validate effort you'll abandon the process completely

You would abandon the process that would have made you worthy of that applause

Boring victories are grown up once so it's something to think about

Now let me introduce you to this little chap that I've lived in for way too long

And honestly I'm kind of still in but I'm starting to figure out the root cause

And that is second order emotions

First order of emotions you feel something you either feel like tired anxious jealous overwhelmed

Second or emotions from that is you feel something about the feeling

You feel shame for being anxious you feel guilt for being tired you feel embarrassment for being jealous

Now you're not just carrying the weight you're carrying the weight of carrying the weight which is kind of insane if you think about it

So you have to avoid the second order of emotions

It's like running with a backpack full of rods that you yourself put there

You're human

You're allowed to feel things without prosecuting yourself for having a nervous system

So when your first feelings show up just let it be you know say hi don't hand it

At least like don't be so anxious of letting those feelings go

Just sit in it

Let it be

Because the moment you start to judge the feeling you stop learning from it right

You kind of have to sit through and understand why am I feeling like this

What has happened that made me feel like this

And why am I reacting to it that way

And feelings especially those uncomfortable ones are most likely feedbacks rather than verdicts

So it's something again to think about

There's this simple test that recess me whenever I'm spiraling

If you had a child going through what you're going through would you beat them up or would you hug them

Obviously if you're not a horrible psychotic person you already know the answer

You will hug them

You will tell them that everything's okay and that there didn't do anything wrong

You tell them that it's okay to be scared it's okay to be disappointed it's okay to be angry

And you would celebrate that they have tried and you will sit with them long enough for that wave of emotions to pass by and then you would help them do the necessary things to take the next step

So why don't you do that with yourself

Why don't you hug you

This is not a soft

This is not being weak

This is letting yourself off the fucking hook because you are your own worst critic and not even the worst of the worst like the absolute epitome of the worst credit of yourself

It's how you stop wasting yours

It's how you stop wasting your energy on self cruelty and spend it on the action that changes everything right

So hug yourself

It's okay to feel things

So here is the rule that I'm living by now

I should judge myself based on my actions not my thoughts

Thoughts are like the weather and actions are like architecture

You felt bad you still did the thing that counts

It counts way more than you might even realize

Doing the thing in spite of not feeling like you want to do the thing deserves praise

People think that motivations gasoline and we've talked about it before

It's not

It's just the spark is the start of fuel

Discipline is the actual engine that moves the car that moves the thing that moves you towards your destination

And following this analogy I used to sit in the driveway waiting to feel like driving and then I would wonder why I never left the neighborhood

Now I turn the key even when I don't feel like it

And something funny happens

Feelings catch up to behavior way more often than behavior catches up to feelings

Now let's talk about this like very very very sneaky poison for not feeling gratefulness

You know that script I have a roof I have work have people who love me

Why do I still feel bad

Why do I still feel so heavy

And then you shame yourself for not being more appreciative

Why like not saying thank you for those little things those little things that other people would just absolutely die for kill for

And that's the second or that's second order of emotions dressed in like a whole fucking tuxedo

Gratitude is not a weapon you beat yourself with

It's more like a lens

Some days you pick it up and everything brightens

Some days the lens is way more foggy

That doesn't mean that you're ungrateful

It just means that you're fucking human

Like practice gratitude don't perform it

If anything gratitude is more honest when it coexist with pain

This hurts me

And here's something small I'm thankful for

Both can absolutely be true

The season always turns but you don't have to deny the weather while that season's there

So let me ask you this real quick

If every big period of your life has germinated from your lowest points would you have avoided them

And this is a question that I ask myself a lot almost every single day

When a deal fell through that I thought would absolutely change the business when I felt misunderstood by people I wanted approval from whenever I question myself whether I should even be doing any of this those moments honestly feel like the end right

And looking back they're more like root systems

Seed doesn't germinate from seed doesn't germinate on a Mountain Top right

It cracks open underground dark cramped forgotten deaf before height always

And dude if you're in the valley I'm not romanticizing it in any way shape or form

I know it hurts

I also know that the value is where you find water

You learn who you are before anybody starts clapping

You learn what you value when all that cheap stuff gets washed away

And later and later people will point out at your rice but you'll know the rice started all the way down in that valley in the dirt

In retrospect the struggle will strike to you as more beautiful

This is something again that I listen to at Chris's show

And honestly I didn't believe that the first time I heard it beauty like this struggle is beautiful

And then time did what time does best

It reveal edges and patterns

I couldn't see a close

The hardest scenes got reframed as turning points

I started seeing the purpose behind all that pain

The boring victories formed this backbone and the lonely knights became and those lonely nights became training montages that were actually months and years

It's not so much that the pain becomes any fun

It's that the pain becomes more meaningful

And meaning is a form of beauty just like purpose

One day you're gonna look back at this version of you in the current moment the one that doubts the one that's trying the one that's showing up slipping showing up again

And you feel a kind of tenderness that you can't access right now because you're in the thick of it

And you'll be proud of how you kept a promise to yourself when there was no external reason to how you kept going

And that pride will not be loud it'll be quiet

It'll be solid

It'll be earned

And there's only one person in this world that will know that and that's you

And that's the only person that you need to prove anything to yourself

So now let me let me get personal for a second again

Um there was a stretch where I felt like I was underwater business uncertain relationships strained body was tired

I would just kind of lay in bed and think I should be more grateful

And I felt worse for not fucking feeling like gratefulness

So I would open my phone kind of just do scrolling hoping for a sign of something

And then you know usually I got someone else's highlight realize I was scrolling cause that's kind of what happens

And you know you know what got me through that

It was not a motivational speech not a windfall

It was those small boring things I talked about showing up to the gym and doing 70 instead of 0% calling a customer bag even though it might be a little bit awkward and they might not wanna hear from me

Eating a decent meal instead of numbing out and not eating

Writing down three things that I did that day right

I would writing down three things that I did that day

What did I actually accomplish that day

And counting that as my little ones

Hugging myself not literally hugging myself but the way that you would a kid you know by telling myself hey you're allowed to be here and we're still moving

It's okay to feel what you're feeling because you're still doing the thing

Honestly I don't know who needs to hear this but you are still there

Not the brand not the role you that part that's quiet and stubborn and knows when you're lying to yourself it hasn't left

It's just under a few layers of noise and pressure

If you get still enough you'll feel it and if you act long enough you'll prove it

So let me give you a few tips on how to go through these seasons of changes

If you're on a high season hold your wins with humility right

Stay humble let your highs be a little bit lower and let your lows be a little bit higher

Keep your routines boring right

Don't do anything novel like just keep it repetitive keep it boring you know because you're in such a high you don't wanna add more high cause then the crash is gonna be absolutely insane

Keep your grad to real not performative be really think about what you're grateful for and be grateful for that even when things crash especially when it's high

And remember this this is a season seasons turnover this is not some kind of coronation you're not sculpting yourself into like a forever win

This is not permanent at all

Now on the opposite side if you're in a low reduce your second order of emotions right

Third don't give yourself a shame tax

Judge your actions not your thoughts one single break at a time

Give yourself a hug just like you would a child

And trust that your roots your core your fundamentals your fundamentals are growing when you can't see them

If you're somewhere in the middle coasting plateauing this might be the most dangerous season because nothing feels really urgent

That's where you commit to your fundamentals sleep movement honest conversations clean books clear priorities you strengthen the floor so the next ceiling has something to stand on when you move up in the world

Now I actually wrote down this little short mantra for you guys so bear with me real quick when it's incredible this is not forever Saber Steward stay humble when it's unbearable this is not forever breathe move stay present when it's ordinary this is not forever build refine stay faithful the season always turns

So here is where this chapter lands gently

You don't have to love every single part of the journey to keep walking

Matter of fact you won't and you'll actually hate most of the journey you know but uh you also don't have to feel grateful to do something worth being grateful for

You don't have to eradicate doubt to practice courage

You only have to be the person that shows up

That's all you have to do

Show up especially when the victory is growing especially when the feeling isn't there and especially when the crowd is quiet

You're not behind you're not late

You're in a season and the season always always always turns

So when you wake up tomorrow maybe the world feels on top of you maybe you feel on top of the world

Either way place your attention where your feet are

Do the next right small boring thing

Speak to yourself like you're someone you're responsible for

Think the past version of you that kept you going long enough to deliver you to where you are right now

And smile just a little bit

Add the mystery of how it all came to fucking be because one day you're gonna look back at this exact moment in time

That's where the roots took

That's where the foundation was built

And you'll know that it was true all along

You were still in there

And this season always turns

Thank you so much for listening and for watching

It really does mean the world to us and we really appreciate every single one of you who sticks around all the way until the end

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And until next time see you guys