Being a pregnant person in high school at this kind of school
where it's just not really acceptable and it's just not the norm, The
girls that you're not friends with that are, you know, the popular girls and like
the the cheerleaders and stuff, they got real fascinated with me real real
fast because that 16 pregnant show was the thing that everyone
watched and was obsessed with. Rise and shine, ladies. You're
tuned in to skirts up with Samantha and Melissa. We got your daily dose of
hope and humor while we discuss everything from failing to succeeding and
all the spiciness in between. Hello.
Hello. This is Samantha. And this is Melissa. How are you today,
Sam? I'm great. How are you, Melissa? I am good. I'm
most excited because I am here with you today, and we are recording
episode 1, This Is Us. Yeah. How does that make you feel? It's
kind of exciting because even though we're friends and I know you, I
don't know you. And I'm really excited to kinda dig deep. Right.
We never like, I feel like it'll be a surprise of what comes out of
each other's mouths. I do too. Because we know each other, but Yeah. We can't
anticipate. No. You never know what's gonna
happen next. So, Melissa, can you explain why we're gonna start off
with, fail of the week in the beginning of each episode? Okay. Sure.
Oh, maybe I should have done a little research and found out the name of
the person who I'm about to talk about. But there was a person I heard
once giving a speech and he
was talking about he seemed kind of a psychiatrist. I'll look it up, you guys.
Don't you worry. We'll have a link link. Yeah. But he basically was
talking about how at the end of the day when he sits down with his
kids at dinner, he doesn't ask them to tell him what went well. He asks
them to tell him, what did you fail at today?
So the whole idea is when we fail, that's a
chance for us to learn. It's a chance for us to grow, and it's also
a chance for us to won't be okay with failing, honestly. Yeah.
Finding the positive because we're gonna fail. Shouldn't be failing,
but we should. And and we're all gonna we are I think all of
us feel like each day that we failed at something. We didn't do
something well enough or as best as we could and we didn't see something as
well in ourselves as we should. And so this is a way to,
share that fail. But what we learned from it What we learned from it. Yeah.
Because we wanna we're not just wanting to fail all over the place. Right? Like,
obviously, we wanna take it and turn it into something good. And not dwell on
it. Yeah. Like a lot of us do. Not be so hard on ourselves. I
think that's what we're trying to really improve. That's a big part of it. I
agree, actually. That is a big part of it. So This first fail
is actually a joint fail together. Yeah.
It was fun. So Melissa and I were
meeting each other and we are meeting to have a
conversation with, our friend, Lola. And
we're meeting with her to discuss, having her as a pop in host on
our show. So, prepare to meet her in the upcoming episodes. I
think y'all will enjoy her. She's a lot of fun. So,
Melissa's not there yet. I'm there first. I already feel like I'm late.
You feel like you're late and I'm not there. That's about right.
Well, Melissa time is fine. Yeah.
So I'm sitting there and my husband dropped me off because well,
I still can't drive and Why can't you drive? Because I got
seizures, y'all. Yeah. These things are we'll talk about it. We
will. And so I'm waiting on Melissa and I'm sitting there making sure I'm all
prepared and the server comes and gets a drink for me some coffee.
Get some coffee for Melissa. And then I'm sitting there and I go, fuck.
I haven't driven in so long. I didn't bring my wallet. How am I? Like,
I can't pay. And so I'm like, oh, man. Okay. So I'm
late. And now, I can't pay. And I'm like, what am I gonna do?
And then Melissa shows up. You're like, I'm pretty sure Melissa will get this. She's
she's gonna be fine. So I get there, and what
happens first thing is I'm like, okay. So my
debit card's not working. Great. And,
honestly, I don't really remember what it was. It just has has I've got a
new bank account and just kind of, like, changing things over. There was some weird
stuff. I think what happened is I had just entered the wrong
PIN. And so I thought it wasn't working. But I ended up
calling the bank and sound so nice. Well well Wait. Is there
something I forgot? There is something you forgot. Oh, what happened? You forgot the most
important thing. Tell me. You forgot your phone. Oh, God.
So I show up with my phone. I did. No card. You
show up with your card that's not working. No phone. That's
actually exactly what happened. See, I can't even
remember the feels. That's how good I am. It just sweep me right by
nowadays. Perfect. But anyway yeah. So So I ended
up having to be like, Sam, can I use your phone? And I never wear
makeup, and I was all self conscious because I'm like, I think I'm getting makeup
on our screen. Now you're soaking up my makeup. It's fine. You're so
sweet. But yeah. So I used her phone. I got my card going
and She paid for our lunch. That's alright, but it's okay.
I kind of wanted to anyway because you were helping me out with something else
that day. Me. So the point is
we failed collectively, but, collectively,
we made a whole adult that day. We figured it out. Together.
And here's the other thing too. Like, if you had been a little bit
judgmental of me, like, oh my gosh. We're here trying to have a
meeting. We're trying to get our podcast going. She can't even remember her phone.
I wouldn't have felt so comfortable being able to get it back
together with you. Right? But you totally could have judged me and been like,
this bitch didn't bring her card so that I would pay for her meal. Well,
that's true. So I guess the lesson that we learned for me, the
maybe the lesson that I learned is just to kinda, like, not be so
harsh with ourselves or each other, and we're gonna work it out. We
can do this. We just gotta be calm. And then my favorite part was
to end the whole thing. I, my husband was very
sick, but but was nice enough to
drop me off. That day. Yeah. And then I was like, well, alright, guys. Peace
out. I'm gonna go call my Uber. Unless he goes, no. No. No.
Get in my car. And I'm like, it's like an hour out of your way.
And she was like, get in my car. And then, she made like You
make it sound like I kidnapped you? I mean, kinda. But then, I
make her do these, like, crazy, like, you know, drift maneuver
off the road, because I'm like, wait, that's my hair salon.
And she's like, where? And I go, right there. We're passing it. And she does
this. It, like, it went slide into the
parking lot. And she goes, okay. What are we doing? And I was like, I
just need shampoo. But that's okay because I
really, really wanted to find a new stylist, so I think I'm gonna use your
girl. Which Kayla's awesome. I can put drop her link there too.
She's, a hairstylist. She's the blonde goddess as we call her, and she's
outside of, the Mall of Georgia. So she's great. I'll drop her link. She
would be happy to meet you. Oh, yeah. And so then we get into the
salon and I bring up my shampoo and I look at Melissa and I'm like,
hey, sugar mama. Can I use your card again?
And we did. We got you your shampoo. I've beenmoed her though. We even
you she did. And we even remembered to get the shampoo out of the car
when you got home. We did. Alright. So today is, we
just want you guys to get to know us, and we wanna share a little
bit, about ourselves with you. And I'm sure we'll learn something new about each other
as well, which is always fun. Yeah. So Melissa, I think that
it'd be really exciting if you take the lead and you share how you got
here. Yeah. So to
this earth, I'm a man and a woman. No. No. Yeah.
No. No. No. Let's get the okay. But actually We all know that
Adam ate the fucking apple, so let's just get that part.
Okay. But I do actually wanted I did wanna say that
even though we're skipping the conception part, she
just this might take I do think any good
story starts with the very beginning with mom and dad. So
I'll just tell you real quick, a little bit about my
upbringing. My dad and my mom, my dad
was 27 when he when they met. She was
19. He was kind of a rogue. Like, he had hitchhiked across the
country. Nice. He had hitchhiked he's from Kentucky.
He had hitchhiked out to Utah because his family had joined the Mormon
church when he was, like, 13. And,
I think he was just kind of looking for like minded people or something because
that's what the church kind of, asks you to do.
So he was out searching for, like, missionary work,
like, out searching for people to bring back with you? No. He was he was
still a rogue. Remind remember. Oh, gotcha. No. But I
think he was kind of looking for some happiness in life. Maybe he was looking
for a partner. He'd had some failed relationships,
and I think maybe he thought, oh, if I go to Utah, there's a lot
more Mormons, and I'll maybe find a wife there or something. Okay. And
so I'm not saying that's why he went to Utah because I don't know. I
have not interviewed him as of late.
But he hitchhiked across the country, ended up in Utah. He
was just working, as, like, doing handyman
work for just for different construction companies and stuff. He met my mom.
She was 19. She, I think
she never had a chance. I think she kinda went for him because he's the
bad boy, honestly. I'll be honest. Yeah. She she was
born and raised Mormon. Yeah. So she had,
I wanna say, sheltered upbringing, but I'm not so sure. She had a hard one
because her mom died when she was 13. So I
remember, like, her story, like, when she got her period, she thought she was dying.
Oh. Yeah. And she had to call, like, one of her older sisters to help
her out. And so she didn't have, like, I don't know,
the smoothest upbringing, but she
so they met. They got married. Well, actually, I don't know. We apparently, we moved
14 time they moved 14 times the 1st year 2 years of my
life. Before they planted the seed, or is this after? This is I was a
honeymoon baby. Actually, I might not have been
because I they got married in August, was born in
April. I was is that 8 months? September,
October, November, December, January, February, March, April. Yeah. That's 8 months.
Oh, holy cow. And I was also £12. Holy
smokes. So how are you gonna tell me I came early? I don't know. Oh,
my. So they they're they always swore up and down
that I was a honeymoon baby because, you know, you do not have premarital sex
in the Mormon church. We moved a lot. My dad and mom, they had
no money. He ended up joining the army to try to kinda make a
make a living. So at that point, we moved to California. Until I was
about 6 or 7, life was pretty easy, pretty great, idealistic, in
my opinion. Sometimes, I don't know if it's just because that's how I remember
it because or Rose colored bosses. Like, always growing
up. Right. Exactly. When I was about 8, things got kind of rough.
And I just I kind of attribute it to just a lot of
stress. We ended up moving back to Utah when I was 12.
And parents super strict in the church. I
ended up going on a mission when I was 21. I
I was sent to Japan. And when I was in Japan, I met my now
husband who we were always just friends.
So this was in 2,000. I'm 43. I went when I was 21.
So you do the math. I will not because it'll
not be accurate. So Brett, was
19. And when we were out there, we met, and we made friends. And I
really liked him as a friend. Never really had any of the
remote romantic ideas, but we stayed friends all these years. I ended up marrying somebody
else. It did not quite work out, and we can talk about that some other
day. But, yeah, Brett and I
reconnected again in 2017.
Yeah. I think. And I moved back out. I moved out here or not back
out here. I moved out here. And, yeah. Moved in with
him. Moved in with him. Let me tell you a funny story. My husband was
not happy about it. Her husband and my husband, they
were roommates for a long time. They're BFFs, you know, got that man love
affair thing going on. Simon even told me he's like, I
did not happy. Uh-huh. He was pissed. He's like, I don't like you. He told
oh, you tell. You tell. He's he said that Brett
asked if Melissa could bring a few things in her
pets into the house, because Brett was living in it by himself at that point.
Simon was with me. That sounds just like Brett. And Brett was like,
yeah. It's just a few things. Pets, like, yeah, that's it. And
Simon was Simon and I are pulling out of the house and Melissa
comes pulling in with a giant like the largest U Haul that you can
get. And Simon's staring at it. And he's looking at Brett
and he just leaves because he's like, I have nothing. I'm really not happy about
this. Where's all this stuff gonna go? Like, I'm trying to sell my house. See,
I didn't even know that part. It was trying to sell it. Brett is so
good at just not sharing the details. Yeah. Anyways,
well, there obviously, it wasn't a long hard feeling thing there over
at you. No. Well, I think we missed we kind of skipped
over, what made you end up moving back here. So
can you go back and share with us, that you ended
up leaving Mormonism after your mission? I should have
shared that. That is important. It's not a smoothie milestone of my life.
My whole life, I kinda had, like, a struggle with the
church. And there were times when I was a teenager when I just was like,
no. And I wouldn't go to church, but then I'd go back because there's a
lot of guilt put on you if you're not doing
the right thing. And so, I thought I was a bad person and I
would go back to church. And it was kind of a cycle thing like that
that I was going through. After my mission,
ever since I was little, I remember having actually, I would say this is probably
a pivotal thing. I remember having a friend who I
must have been in 2nd or 3rd grade because we were living in
Sacramento. And I remember her telling me the story about the
origin of the world, And she had Indian heritage,
American Indian heritage. I'm so sorry. And so she was telling
me, oh, yeah, it started with a piece of clay. And I have to admit,
I don't know where this origin story came from, but it was something that she
believed. It was something her parents taught her. And And I went home and I
told my mom and dad, and they were like, well, that's not true, you know,
because Mormons are very Christian. And so
I was like, well well, she believes it though. Is she lying? And they said,
no. She's not lying. She just doesn't she doesn't believe
she just doesn't have the truth that we have. And I thought, that's really weird.
So, like, how do you know it's true? How does she not know? How does
she like, everyone thinks that was my very first experience of
realizing that there's other truths in the world. There's a lot
of different beliefs in the world and who's to say
what is right and what's wrong. And that's probably something that obviously I'm 43
and it stuck with me all these years. So I would say
that is something that's always been in the back of my head.
So when I came home from my mission, from Japan.
Yeah. From Japan. I actually lived in South Carolina at
that point. I moved home there, because my parents had moved.
And they so yeah. So I don't
know. Like, I could say I tried to stay active in the church because I
thought that's what I was supposed to do, but I just had a hard time
with it. I've I've I've always kinda struggled with this since I was young, to
tell you the truth. The thing that made me actually get my name off the
records of the church to where I said I want nothing to do with the
church. And now, please, guys, we
know that there might be Mormons listening to this too.
And if that's the path you're on, that is I no judgment.
I have family members that are still very active
in the church. I love them and I think that we're all on our own
path. But I will say what happened for me was
I started doing a little bit of more research. I started realizing I could go
into a lot. There's that that's got to be another episode.
But, 2 things. One is they came
out with a proclamation telling a proclamation
saying, if you wanna be baptized, but your parents are
gay, you've got to denounce them. Oh my. Yeah.
Before you can get that baptized. And I just thought gotta choose between
religion or your parents? Yeah. I thought that was disgusting to me.
Interesting. And so it was it was like,
I'm sure there's, like, gray areas where we're like, yeah, you could still live. You
could still live with your family. Love the sinner. Hate the sin. I don't believe
in that. I think that because I don't think it's a
sin, by the way, to be gay. But anyway
yeah. So that was really hard for me to understand. And then that's when I
started doing even more research. And then I found out that the church
who prides themselves on being,
very philanthropic and giving money. And so, like, if there's
any kind of a disaster, they send all of the members of the church. We,
like, go there. I've been on so many service projects in my life, like
helping out, disasters, like Hurricane King Katrina and
stuff like that. And the church will send food and stuff like that.
And I realized all of that was done by the members of
the church. First of all, the church has 1,000,000,000.
The the food and money that they do provide, I found out was
less than what Walmart actually gives to charity.
Interesting. Yeah. In, like, according to, like, what they
actually own. So that kind of pissed me off. I thought, well, their
whole thing is to be loving and service
like like based on service. And they don't even donate as much as
Walmart does to charity. And that just it really
pissed me off. And so I just took my name off the records, and I
was like, I want nothing to do with the church. Okay.
That was that's only a peak. You know, obviously, there's a lot
more to it than that when you try to leave
something that you were raised in that
Yeah. Made And I'm sure there are several people that have had to break ties
with family members and religion as well. And I think that that would be,
like, another great episode to, get others feed in
and opinion on and have a whole dig into that. It wasn't
easy by any means. Like, I didn't even tell my parents for a couple years.
Mhmm. And then I found out that they had left too. And
that's what my story. I did not know that. Yeah. Yeah. It's very
interesting. So you broke up with religion and then you
moved to Georgia. Okay. So I broke up with religion, then I got
divorced, not because of that, but it didn't help. I'll be
honest. And then Brett and I lived in Texas at the
time. Brett lived in Georgia. And since
I was getting divorced, we kinda, like, reconnected. I
think he just knew I was going through some things and reached out to me.
And we also are super big geeks and we play we love board
games. And in Georgia, there's a convention.
It's a board game convention. It's called the board game geek convention,
and, they have it every year. And Brett wanted to come out to it for
the 2nd time, actually. But since we're reconnecting, he wanted to come out, and I
was like, yeah. Do. And then I started, like, oh, he's kinda cute. I think
I might like him. I don't know. And we kinda hooked up.
Nobody hooked up. Oh, cool.
Spicy. I know. Especially for a little Mormon girl.
But, because at this time, Brett had also dropped off of Mormonism.
But we did it separately, which I really like because
I think it can be really easy to just do something because your spouse does
it. Yep. If that makes sense. It came about. So he visited. We
went to the con together. I stayed with him in his hotel
room. Where it got spicy.
It did. It got really spicy. Okay. So
it's actually a funny story. So I want to hear share that. Yeah. I want
to hear about that one day. Yeah, we will. It's the beginning. Now the morning
spiciness. Oh, God. Well, we were both expo at
that point, and we both were not virgins anymore. But it
was still funny because you have, like, these deep seated, like, what I'm doing
isn't good feeling sometimes, but then that makes it all the more
alright. Anyway, moving on.
Brett went back to, Georgia, and we talked
on the phone, and it got to the point after about 6 or 7 months.
Got to the point where it was like, I needed to move out here or
what's the point? And apparently, I was just supposed to bring a few things and
then my pets. I didn't know that. And they brought my whole house, whole life.
Who's doing our whole life, as you should, moving in with a boyfriend? I mean
I mean, it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I had no idea
that I didn't ask for it. I did say. It's Simon okay with this.
Anyway, so yeah. And then I met you. And
then from there, my understanding is that you found,
a a quilting shop and you became really
interested in
lab technician, my friend, one of my friends and I well, I said
one of my friends, but it was 2 team. And they came back from Amish
country and, and they're showing me pictures. And I was like, I always
wanted to make a quill, and she said I have to. And then I thought,
well, what's stopping us? So we ended up finding a
class by going online and finding out a quilt shop offered classes. I
didn't even know quilt shops existed. I literally thought you just get your
fabric at Joanne's and Same dude. Yeah.
Hancock's. I didn't know. I went into the quilt shop. I was probably
one of those annoying people. Now I know. Because
I was like, I wanna make that quilt. And they're like, that's not for beginners.
And I said, that's okay. I'm gonna do it anyway. And they're like, it's a
lot harder on our teachers, but whatever. But, yeah, I made
my first well, I made all the quilt blocks. I did not put them together
in a quilt. Then I kind of made some baby quilts on my own. And
then when I moved here, Brett's mom was a quilter, and I just didn't realize
that that was, like, one of her the loves of her life. And so when
I moved here and was looking for a job, she one of the other ladies
there was trying to move out on her own. And
so, they were trying to replace her, and they hired me,
and I loved it. I found out that these things called long arms
exist and they are 12 foot long,
frames with huge, like, 20 inch throat and
larger machine sitting on them that do the quilting of the
quilts. And then when that shop closed, I branched out and decided to open
my own. I will say this, I would not have done it if it weren't
for Jeannie Sullivan. Oh. She is the one who
owned a Georgia Sewing and Quilting, and she called
me multiple times and gave me pep talks. And she was basically saying,
look, you're buying my long arm when I close. And I was just gonna try
to quilt quilts for people. She goes, you're already a technician.
You really need to be a dealer. And I said Because how easy is it
to find a dealer? It's not common. It's not super common. I would
say there's a dealer here in, well, me in Suwanee,
and there's one in Marietta, and there used to be one in south of
Atlanta. She's not eating there anymore, though. So, yeah. So she
was like, look, you really need to do that. I said, but you have to
have a storefront. I don't know how I would ever do that. I don't have
the money to have a storefront. And she just basically
said, look, you're a strong woman. Things were hard for me. I
was homeless at one point in my life. Yes. And now she's this
businesswoman that and she just gave me
the motivation to at least just try. And so I got
an LLC, and I found a way to open a very
tiny 650 square foot storefront. And,
now this year, I've been in business about 2 years, and now we're gonna
be we've been doing a couple shows. We're gonna be in one of the
biggest shows in the area in March. So it's kinda crazy. It's at the
main arena for us too. Which arena is that? It's, Gas South is what it's
called now. It used to be Infinite Energy Center. Mhmm. Yeah. Nothing
changes all the time. Yeah. So every year it's called the Sewing and Quilting Expo,
and I get to be the handy quilter dealer there. Whoop whoop. I know.
Sounds like a a win. I know. It's kind of amazing
to think how far we can go with each
other because, again, sure, maybe I could have done all that on
my own, but I wouldn't have. I just I just wouldn't have in your
head. Yes. It was Jeannie. And so we need that person that we can share
like that back voice in our head and just, you know, kind of shrugging it
off and then someone will tell you, like,
I'm you'll get that handful of people that tell you like, oh, yeah. That would
be nice. Okay. But then I straight up had an old boss tell me
I was out in fucking left field because I wanted to become a dentist at
one point. And I think that that's just how it is. I think the majority
of people are like, yeah. Okay. Like Yeah. I know that I wouldn't be able
to do that and you sure can either. But it just takes that one
voice, that one person to be like, no. It's insane that you think
that because you can do it. Like Yeah. It is yours. You just gotta make
it happen. Yeah. It's true. And you did. Well,
thank you. So your quilt shop is called the Oh, yeah.
It's called A Crafted Cottage. I wanna
get some shirts that say craft your cottage. I think that would be so
cute. Yeah. Yeah. We like to support as many of the local ladies as we
can here. So That is. Actually, that's one of the main reasons we try to
we decided to start this. Yeah. So we partnered partnered.
We're, you know, cross referencing with several of the ladies
around us, and they all make some really beautiful stuff. So
Yeah. You can check their links out there. Melissa will have the Crafted Cottage link
down there if you wanna learn about quilting. If you live nearby and We do.
Wanna check it out. Or if you have any questions and you may not live
nearby, she can probably help you find a shop near
you to learn. Absolutely. Absolutely. Give me some tips. She's gonna start doing some
videos and posting them on how to even start, and that's really
helpful. So how do you get here? How did I
get here? What's here? Like, in your house? Skirts
up. Skirts up? Okay. This is the fun part.
Okay. It was you. Another one.
Another situation no. Don't even. She's gonna try to be, like,
okay. But remember here, we're trying to save face with my friends, so
cut that out. Melissa
was What happened is I said I've always wanted to
start a podcast, and my friend Sam said, yeah,
me too. And I was like, again, oh god. It's the same thing
in reverse. It is the same thing as I've always wanted to make a
quilt. Yeah. Me too. And then what's
stopping us? And then literally, it was
Sam. I have said that so many times in my life. Like, I kinda wanna
do a podcast. How well,
she texted me. She goes, here's some mentors. Here's this. Here's that. I'm
doing research on the equipment that we
need, this this stuff. And I was just
So are you in? I know. And I was like, oh, damn. She's serious.
I mean, I was serious that I would
do it, but I obviously wasn't serious serious enough to, like, you know,
get to it. And she did. She got to it, and it was I'm very
proud of you. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I'm very proud of you because this
has been well, first of all, huge learning curve, and we'll probably
still keep learning. It's been so fun. It has been
fun. And I'm just excited to be able to hopefully bring other women
together and just, like, give you guys the nudge that you need
to That is what our community, our face Facebook, our social media
community will be. It's gonna be like that voice to give each other, like,
yeah. You can. Do it. Because I was there and I did it.
Because there's always gonna be that one person. You're you're never the only. So you
tell me then. I said I always wanna start a podcast and you're like,
yeah, me too. What made you tell us how you got
here. I wanna know where you came from. Well, I
mean, nothing significant growing up. We moved around a lot
too, but not I mean, not because we're military or
anything. We just if I moved around to like 8 different states about
and then once I was in middle school, we landed in Georgia. And
that's just where where I stayed. And then when I was
in high school, I ended up having a baby.
So I was that 16 and pregnant person, not on
the TV show. That'd be wild.
But, so yeah. So I was my
junior year, the end of my junior year, pregnant when
I started the show and I just had
some teachers pull me inside and be like and just straight up
ask me like, are you pregnant? And then, you know, not gonna lie. I
mean How did you like tell us more. I
mean, did your mom knew already and you guys just hadn't told
anyone else? Or Oh, yeah. My mom knew before I started showing.
Keep it? My mom knew I was pregnant before I started showing. I told
her, I actually found out I was pregnant on my
birthday. Wow. Yeah. So that
was, birthday surprise. But, How did
your mom handle it? It sounds like you had a good relationship. We had a
good relationship. We were living on our own. She had separated from my
dad for like the first time, maybe. And,
so we're living on our own and she was really upset and really bummed. And
I, you know, I think like any mom that has high hopes from
their kid, like had that in the back of their head of like she doesn't
have to do this. She doesn't have to have a baby. Like you're in high
school and you you got things to do. But I was like, I don't know
that I want to consider that. Yeah. It's is what it
is. She supported you in what you wanted to do. Yeah. Keeping the baby.
So I decided to keep him. And so I started showing
the end of my junior year. Teachers were pulling me aside and,
you know, would ask me if I'm pregnant. I had one teacher straight up
telling me that I don't belong in the school if I'm gonna be pregnant.
Really? Yeah. Now that person has stuck with me and I actually saw that
teacher when I was
I was engaged and me and my bridesmaids were out at,
in Walmart and we were goofing off. We were getting some alcohol, just goofing off
in the store. And I remember I was wearing a crop top and I remember,
like, turning a corner, an aisle and becoming face to face with
that teacher that told me he did not approve of me being in school and
did a lot that he could to make sure I didn't graduate. Oh my god.
Yeah. And I remember just stopping in my tracks and we're just face to face
and I'm like looking at him and I'm like, yeah, this dude probably thinks that
I went real far. Here I am in a grocery store, no baby in a
crop top with alcohol in my hands and I just turned around real fast and
it was just like that freeze freeze sponge. You didn't know what to do? Fight
or flight? Yep. It was I got the the freeze and,
I left the store real fast. Man. And you
I don't know. If it was me, I'd be like, man, I wish I said
this. I wish I did that. Or do you just feel like,
no. It was best. I don't know. I just I don't know. It
just is what it is. That's just who he was. And so
then I'm still I'm obviously mega pregnant when senior year starts.
So there is no secret there. And then also I
have special treatment that I get to leave. My classes are really, because I'm so
big and I need to like waddle through the hallways before everyone else gets out
there. I remember being so
embarrassed because people would look at me and like, you know, make faces
and, you know, point, oh, there's the only pregnant girl in the
school. Yeah. And, so I was an ROTC and all the
ROTC ROTC boys would they, like, would make arrangements
behind my back and 2 of them would always be near my classroom
at all times interview? To walk me to my next class. And you didn't know?
I didn't know that they had arranged. I would just always be like, oh, why
are y'all here? And they're like, oh, well, we just run into you. God
makes my heart melt. They saved me. Yeah. I would always have 2 guys walk
me to class because they didn't, you know, they wanted to make sure that, behind
my back, they'd they'd, like, stay kinda behind me. And then if anyone, like, gave
me looks and I wouldn't even notice, they'd be giving them mean mean mugs. And
I'm like Okay. Don't you dare. Loved it. I
was really close with my friends. Just about all of my
teachers would send me to principal's office any chance that they
got. So if I like walked into my classroom while the bell was
ringing, they'd be like, go get a, a late
tardy slip. Oh my God. And so that would happen so often. If
I looked at a teacher wrong, spoke to a teacher wrong, if I was wearing
2 shirts, like highly covering
my chest, they I would get sent to the principal's office. And so
I was getting sent out of class so much for normal things that everyone does
and like the rules were just somehow like more aggressive for me. I guess remember
we're in the cell, then it's just a little more. And this is one of
those high rated schools, in Georgia. And so I would get so much
that I would then end up in detention, like mega pregnant after
school. And, and I had one teacher and she
was she was really cool. We're still, you know, follow each other on social
media. She was like the one person that would come and sit with me and
ask me how I'm doing. And if I needed, like, to leave
class early, if I needed like something extra, she would always pull me
aside, chitchat with me, tell me how special it is that like
I'm still here and that I'm pregnant and I can still do it and then
I'm gonna graduate. And, I mean, what the fuck? Like, pregnant
mothers need an education too. Like, does he I'm
so mad at that other teacher. Does he not care about the future? I mean,
but it wasn't just him. It was many teachers holding him to the I'm so
glad that you had her. Did you feel like she kind of like, obviously,
you remember her still today. She was very compassionate. One of the
things that I remember is that she had shared
that, you know, she can she feels this compassion
because, she does have a strong religious belief, but also she had
been trying many years to have a baby with her husband and it wasn't hell
like happening. And so she was kind enough to,
you know, be like, okay, well, you know, this child
is having a child, but I'm still gonna help where I can and support that.
And I think that was really special in it. And I remember it just it's
always made me like, just a little emotional because then she ended up
I'm getting chills. She ended up she has 2 babies now. And
so when I found out that she was having her first baby, I was like,
yes. Oh my gosh. She deserves it. That's amazing. So, yeah,
so now she's got 2 babies. She's back in school. Do you feel
like you could have dropped out if it weren't for her? Well,
honestly, my mom wouldn't let me drop out. Your mom was that person? Yeah. Because
there was one at one point, where I was like, I you know,
I don't know that I have to put up with this. I think that I
I can just get a GED and call it a day. And my mom put
a quick stop to that. She said, absolutely not. But you know, that
teacher, you know, was the one nice teacher for me.
So So it wasn't pure torture. Yeah. There's at least that. And then it did
get to the point, so I have so I come back to school the
second half of my senior year, after having my
babe and, not pregnant.
And I will say that then, I got a lot more
respect from teachers, when I came back because now I'm not
pregnant. I don't look pregnant. I'm still there and my grades actually got
even better while I was on maternity leave. All my grades went up to A's.
Wow. Yeah. Really weird. Teachers were supportive when I
came back. And another student ended up getting pregnant, the
second half of our senior year. And some of the teachers were being
a little more supportive to her and she had shared like, oh, I'm,
I'm not keeping this baby. It's gonna go up for adoption. Like I'm not doing
it and I'm going to drop out of school because I don't want this kind
of treatment and I don't want to be like this. And,
and I had a teacher come up to me and say, hey, Samantha,
you did you were pregnant for, you know, 2
halves of a year. You are no longer pregnant and you're gonna graduate in a
couple of months. Can you get the student to hang in there a few
more months? Yeah. And I was like, I can try. And so then
teachers were believing in me that I could make a difference in someone and
get them to stay through school. I will say I cannot remember if she graduated,
but, I do remember
that my cousin was actually going to adopt her baby and that was,
a long process. And then, unfortunately
fortunately, unfortunately, when the baby was born, she did decide to
keep the baby. That would be really Yeah. So but,
you know, the baby would stay with its with its mom.
So happy ending there. But then there's still
that negative. There were still a lot of negative experiences.
So I'm I'm just stuck at home all the time.
Not leaving anywhere. Really not leaving my computer because it was a lot
harder to do schoolwork at home. A not so great
story, that I remember from high school after having a
baby was, I remember my mom encouraged me and
my son's dad to take me out to a football game. My son's dad
already graduated. He was a year older than me. And, so we
go to this football game. And being a pregnant person
in high school at this kind of school where it's just not really
acceptable and it's just not the norm, The girls that you're not friends with that
are, you know, the popular girls and like the the cheerleaders and stuff,
they got real fascinated with me real fast because that 16 pregnant show
was the thing that everyone watched and was obsessed with. And now
like live vicariously through the whole Yep. So now they know unfair.
They're almost like yeah. How does that make you feel? It was Double edged sword.
It was interesting that, you know, these people would start talking to me and they
actually, like, would hang out with me. And that was really weird because I definitely
had a whole different type of friend group. I remember one of the cheerleaders, she
was like, come like, you know, if you ever can come to a football game,
please Like, you know, I would love for you to meet my mom. And so
my mom encouraged us to go out to the football game. We go to the
football game. We go down to the fence where where she is and
she's cheerleading. And she gets real excited to see me and she's waving in the
stands. And then she's like pointing to the sign. She goes, that's my mom. And
so then there's like a tap on my shoulder and I like turned around and
this lady goes, hey, I'm her mom. And, I
think she wants me to come say hi to you. And I was like, oh,
hi. I was like, yeah, I'm Samantha. And her mom goes with this
flat, disgusted face goes, oh,
and walks away. Why did she want
you to meet her mom? I don't know. I don't know if
she thought that her mom wouldn't react like that or or or what. I
don't know. See, I was expecting it was gonna be like, oh, my mom
can relate to you because I was born No. It was
that, oh. That's weird because my thought is
like, did she not know her mom very well? Like, you know,
growing up really young with a young child, that's
probably news for another story. You get all kinds of judgmental looks. All
the there's comments that have stuck with me being, you know, just being
out in public with a with a baby. But anyhoo, so
Can I just share something small? I remember being
probably 14 or 15, and one of the girls at church, she was a little
older than me. She was 15 or 16, got pregnant, and she
was shunned. And I don't shunned is a harsh word
because I know there are some religions that actually shunned. You are not allowed to
talk to that person. This was more of kind of a, like,
not a true Shunning, but you didn't talk to her.
Right? You weren't supposed to. And I remember being
friends with her and I
still talked to her. I didn't know her that well, to tell you the truth,
but I would go over and visit her and try to just stay her friend
so that she kind of felt some support. And I just remember
thinking, like, that could be any of these girls. Like, I hadn't had
secondhand. Okay. It's not because I was a good girl. It's just because I wasn't
cool. Yeah. There was a girl that she she was
known as one of the stronger souls in in the school and,
she knew that everyone's talking badly about me. And so one time she's
like, let me walk you outside. And I'm like, oh,
okay. And someone looks at me wrong and she goes, oh, don't
act like you're not fucking having sex too. You just haven't gotten caught. Thank you.
And that's exactly what I was gonna say. I was like, it could be any
of these other girls. You guys are doing the same shit, and
then you're gonna act like she's this horrible person and Yeah. Should be going
to hell or whatever it is. And
she did the exact same thing you're doing. It's just that hers is showing. Yep.
Yeah. Just different life experiences. But,
yeah. So I had a baby in high school,
ended up not staying with high school baby daddy,
living on my own for a small amount of time,
dated my current husband for, you know, like a
month and then I ghosted him. That's true. Both of our husbands we had in
our lives and then kinda like But I ghosted him.
Later. You did. It's true. You guys actually dated. Brett and
I Kinda. I mean, is that what you call, like, just Going on a date.
Night night nightly get together gathers. Is that Hook ups? I
mean Booty calls? I guess. I don't know. I think that's what I was. You
could probably call that date. Anyhoo, I ghosted him. Ended
up Why'd you ghost him? Are we not showing that on here? I mean,
he just he has a lot of dogs. There is a lot of dogs. There's
a lot of dog hair, and I'm a clean freak. But I mean, I have
like he was really sweet. He made me dinner one time with, and I
brought brought the babe over and he made us dinner. And I just remember getting
there and there's a freaking husky on the dinner
table. And then he brings the food over to the table and then there's
fucking dog hair still on the table and I'm just staring at the dog hair
and I'm like, oh, no. And then, like,
anytime, anytime I woke up in his house, like, it doesn't
matter where I put my underwear. The fucking dog would buy my underwear and
eat it. Eat it. Eat the crotch out. And I was
like, why? Like, I could hide it in the bed and this
fucker would find it and eat my underwear. Damn, Falkor.
But oh, Falkor was the one. Oh, he was so dumb and
sweet, though. He was so dumb. Anyhoo. Yeah. So
ghosted him. I ended up, having a baby with another sweet
soul, that didn't last more than 3 years
and, decided that I just had other
plans and other other thoughts for life. And so I
served for a few years and then A server?
I was a server and restaurant. Oh, yes. Couple of restaurants. Did that
for several years. And then, my daughter's dad. So he
ended up taking over kind of that father role for for my first high
school baby. So he is who we call the dad of of both of those
children. So he really took that role and was So much so that for a
long time, I thought he was both of their staff. I think
most people do if they don't know, because he is daddy to both of
them and he you know, we're not together anymore. And on the weekends, he takes
both of them every other weekend, as his own kids. Well, before
we we split up, he took Andrew took me to the aquarium because I just
had this, like, passion. I wanted to see dolphins and the
Georgia Aquarium had just gotten dolphins for the first time and they had a had
a dolphin show. And so he takes me to this dolphin show and I'm
sitting in the audience and I'm just balling at this magical existence. And
then after the show, there's the trainers out and they wanna meet you and they
talk to you and they answer questions. And so he, like, makes me
talk to me. Like, what am I gonna say? And,
he goes, well, what does it take to be a dolphin trainer out
there? And the girl goes, oh, well, it's, it's not that hard. You
actually just need at least 3 years experience of working with any animal,
just animals in general. And then you apply and see if you get
it. And I was like, okay. Went
home that day and I started applying to a bunch of animal hospitals thinking that,
oh, I'll just be some kennel help somewhere for 3 years and see if that's
enough. And, animal hospital interviewed
me and they didn't give me a kennel job. They gave me basically,
an assisting veterinary assisting, tech job.
And so I was actually hands on caring for animals, learning
how to draw blood and run tests and labs and
communicating with clients and being educated on on pet health and how to care
for them. And I did that for many, many years. Ended
up being someone who opened up a franchise pet
resort with 5 departments on that. And
I I rocked that. I rocked both those jobs. I was real good at it.
And then took a break from working to have my 3rd child,
second daughter, and that is mine and Simon's little red
headed fireball. Took a little break and then I became
a practice manager at another animal hospital for a little bit of time.
And that was short lived. I was really struggling trying to figure like
postpartum depression is real, guys. That was it was
tough. And so, you know, I had marital stuff going on, had,
you know, the stressful job going on, had this baby
and that was probably the hardest baby I've had. And She
has a will. She she is. She's red headed. She has how she has
a very strong will. I love her now. I quit that
job and then I was staying home and it's been 2 years. And then by
the time I start, you know, within those 2 years, it's just
depressing working your whole life and being home and just not knowing like where
places and what you're gonna do. And like I being a single
mom for a lot of my life, I was the provider. It took a lot
to even feel like I can accept Simon to be the sole
provider. And so that was kind of depressing too. I felt like I needed to
be a provider too. But I also needed to take time and figure out what
am I doing with my life? It was just 2 years of sitting around the
house and then, you know, I finally decide like, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna find
a job. I mean, sitting around the house is strong. You
were raising your children. Stay at home moms, I'm sure it's not
it's not, some people I'm just gonna I just get throw that out
there. No. I think there's 2 different people, and there's 2 different ways to view
it. Yeah. I have always known I'm not a stay at home mom. But, you
know, some of my best friends, like, they wish that they were a stay at
home mom and they are good at it when they're given the opportunity. That, I
just meant knowing you, you weren't sitting around the house. No. I was
depressed. I was doing a lot of sitting around. Okay. Sure. Yeah. That's
another story. A lot of sitting around, just staring at walls as I call it
to my therapist. Yeah. And as you said, you knew that stay at home mom
wasn't big for you and that's gonna even make it worse. Yeah. So
then I had decided, like, okay. I'm gonna find I'm gonna find a job that
I'm gonna find some passion in again and it's time. And my husband is supportive
of that. And we go on vacation. I like have had
this strong desire to, see
more ocean ocean life in their natural habitat.
And so I planned out what countries in the migration path
of different types of whales. And it so played out that,
we could go to Costa Rica and we could see, it was the time of
year where humpback whales were going to give birth. And
so Simon was sweet enough and booked that trip and
wasn't took us 4 or 5 attempts to get to Costa Rica.
During COVID? Yeah. COVID and then, it's like a
sickness. And then, the flight just got canceled in general and it was just
a whole process. Took about 5 attempts, but we finally,
after a couple of years, made it to Costa Rica. We got to see the
migration part where the whales are giving birth
and it was magical. And that's we finally make
it there. And our 2nd day in Costa Rica is when my seizures start happening
out of the country, doing this magical thing that we've been trying to do for
years. And so, you know, that was the first time we're like,
okay, I don't know what happened, But okay. Something weird happened. It
keeps happening on this trip, keeps happening, and then we come home and
we're like he takes me to the hospital the next day because the next day
after we get home from Costa Rica, I have another episode. And this
time, he's sure you're having seizures. And so he takes me to the hospital. We
end up in the hospital for 5 days. No one can figure out what's going
on. And so here we are, 6 months later, still having
seizures. So, you know, then that's that leads you into a whole another realm
of depression of like, man, I was finally ready. I was about to like
get a life back because, you know, I I have a life. Don't get
me wrong. Like, I just haven't always appreciated getting to stay home
and, you know, that's that's on me. Like he said it I wouldn't even say
it's on you. Like, it's just you. Many people would be very thankful
and grateful to be able to stay home and raise their children. But it doesn't
mean you're doing something wrong for having different kids. It doesn't mean I'm doing something
wrong. But I could have embraced it more and taken that
as a more joyful thing to do Okay. With my last baby Gotcha. Which
is something that I really should have done. Probably learn from that actually.
Yes. Because there's things that, like, I think I'll be happy when if I
can have a child. Right? No. You gotta reframe that mind. He needs to appreciate
enjoy appreciate the situation I'm in now. And it's easier said than done. It is
because, you know, this is hindsight. But here we are again. Now I'm having seizures.
Physically cannot work. Physically cannot do anything. And so that leads us
to, you know, here, I'm sitting at home, I'm depressed. I'm trying to
find joy in raising this my last baby. And I'm finding some joy in
it now. And, you know, I'm starting to appreciate it, but I'm
I literally can't do anything. We never know when a seizure is gonna happen and
we don't know what the trigger is and we don't know what the right medication
is yet. And so now here I am stuck at home, but this time I
can't even leave the house. So literally stuck at home with this
hard wheeled baby. And so Melissa mentions,
you know, on on New Year's when we're getting together, like, I always
wanna do a podcast. And then I'm like, bet. Alright.
That gives me something that I can be hands on with and, like, I can
control that. Oh, and you have done so good. Like,
I just was talking on my ass a little bit. Not really. Like, yeah, I
always have wanted to, and I feel like I have a lot of things I
can share. Granted, I mean, a lot of things I can learn still too,
but you took the reins and you It gave me
something to write. It was amazing. It gave me something that I could put my
brain to when my brain allows me and do something. Yeah. And so
that's where we are. This is something that I can do as my brain allows
me and stay at home and raise the baby. And so as long as I'm
well enough, I got it. So it's been fun.
Yeah. Yeah. But that's how I how I got here. Oh, it's funny. I
see that one of your notes is about missing out on the real party phase.
I always felt that way too because of how my religion was so
strict. For me, it was hard because my living
arrangements were very, very limited. I
have very little money. I'm a server, single mom with a tiny
human. So even a basement apartment, $800, like, that's really
tight. It's tight space wise. It's tight money wise.
And not to mention, I got myself a shepherd,
because I just A German shepherd. A German shepherd. A a man who
watches shepherd. I got myself a shepherd. Her name is
Ada and she's my whole life, but now she's old. That was very
limited. Obviously, German shepherds aren't welcome also into very many places.
And sometimes I feel when I think about high school, I missed out on
the party phase that everyone else has. The going out, you know,
interacting
And to to that man and, that
didn't work out. And you were very young. I was very young and it just
wasn't ready. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't ghosted him
because he was a great man, but I still felt immature. I mean, he
was like 25, 28 and I was like
18, 19. It's kind of a large age gap in maturity
as well. And I just didn't feel like I was ready to have
adult conversations and just didn't feel
like my maturity was there. And, you know, in hindsight, I don't think his maturity
was there either. And and in the long run, we both think that we probably
wouldn't have worked out had we not split apart. Interesting, because
I also will think, what if I had just met? What if no. Brett and
I didn't. What if we had just tried, and why didn't we try to connect
more? But, and then
I wouldn't have married the other person that I married, and I don't
think we're ready. We just weren't ready. We weren't the same person people that
we are now. First of all, we might still be struggling, like, should we leave?
Should we not leave the church? Because there's 2 of us now trying to make
that decision. I just yeah. And then you also made me think of
how my mom because my dad was 27. My mom was 19.
And I think we can both leave it at
we had examples that we did not want to be.
Yeah. And I think that maybe the
reason my mom is still in the situation she's in is because
she chooses it because it's comfortable. And I don't wanna
do that. I wanna learn from that. Yeah.
That was a side note, but I think it is something that's kind of important.
So sometimes you wonder what it would have been like if you and Brett would
have stayed together. Is there anything Or gotten together Gotten together Like,
organically. Yes. Is there anything else you would have changed
or in hindsight, you're glad nothing did?
I have some small regrets. I kind of
maybe wish that I was younger just for the fact that we both do wanna
have a family, and, we are struggling
with, trying to conceive. And it's
very expensive to do IVF, so we haven't gotten to that point yet. We're
anyway sometimes I think yeah. We're winging
it. Sometimes I do think, yeah, I wish it happened when we were younger. I
wish we got together when I was younger, but I don't know that
it would have been like I said, he's a completely different
person. He had to go through a phase and he had to go through his
party phase with my husband. That. Maybe once in a while, we'll have him on
here and just kinda share that, but he did. He had
to have his his his time of just having fun
and experiencing things that he didn't get to experience
growing up in the church. And I guess I I
know I learned a lot. I mean, how can you not getting married and divorced?
Obviously, I still am, like, far from the human that I
want to be, but I have yeah. I think I
wouldn't change anything. I'm I'm happy. I'm happy how
my life is going, honestly. Good. I think the only thing
that I still would have changes. I wish that I would have been able to
reframe that mind and appreciate getting to raise my last
baby fully. Yeah. That's the only thing I wish that I would have done better
if I had to pick something. But other than that, no. Nothing. I suppose
I can agree with that. I just if I had to change anything, it would
be my frame of mind in the times. Yeah. I think that's what we all
would probably agree on. Yeah. It's not what's happened to us. It's the frame of
mind that we put on it. A 100%. I mean, that's a fair I remember
I can look back and see things where I thought at the
time, oh, it's something as simple as your body image. Right? I remember
thinking that I hated my body when I was in my early twenties. That's
really cool. Fine. There wasn't anything wrong with it. And if I
could have that body now, I would be so happy. So I do wish that
I could just, you know Appreciate what you thought when you got it. Yeah.
That. But, I don't know if it's always it's not always possible. It's just
not. We sometimes have to go through those hard and rough times to get to
the point where we learn to appreciate. Yeah. But that's why we got each
other. Alright, guys. I think that that wraps us
up for today's show and I really hope you guys enjoyed and thank you for
bearing with us as we got through our first Our
recording time. I'm really excited for this community that we're about
to build. Yes. I can just see it now. I wanna see
more of you guys coming and telling and sharing us with your stories
and maybe things that you would have changed in your past Things you agree with.
Wouldn't have. Things you don't agree with because we don't agree
all the time with Yeah. What we think and hear and that's a fun conversation.
And so, you know, what we hope is to have just a supporting,
loving community where we can agree to disagree, support each other and
We're all together. You're not alone and find all these people that can come together
and help each other out. You know, a lot of us want to be
home with our children. So, we have these side hustles to make money and,
this is also another great way that we can help support the other moms who
do that. We're really excited to share on, like, some of these businesses. We've got
some really exciting, I guess, interviews that are coming up.
We'll see you next time. See you next time. Don't forget to like us on
social media. Don't forget to share your story with us on social media. That's really
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reflection. And so even in photos, like, you're seeing
a kind of reflection in a way, too, apparently. Interesting. So are we looking at
each other or are we looking like in the opposite direction?
Okay, that
like this, not looking at each other? But our
perspective saw a different look. You're
killing me. No. We aren't looking at each other. Just looking
at a kick