Island Boy J Music.

Hello, friends.

Welcome to Activate, a podcast consisting of purposeful conversations aimed at encouraging listeners to embrace both the beauty and chaos of life.

I'm KB and I can't wait to share valuable insights on health, fitness, nutrition, aging, faith, family, and everything in between to help you level up and activate your life.

I'm a former network marketing hater turned top leader in my industry.

I'm a certified life and nutrition coach, helping women to break the same chains that once kept me stuck.

I'm so happy you're here.

Let's do this.

Hello, friends.

Happy Monday.

How are we?

I hope that you're great.

I am coming at you.

Today is Wednesday.

It is deadline day.

And I had such a special guest place planned today.

We were recording this afternoon and all was going well until the technical difficulties happened.

And when I tell you I am so frustrated today, I almost feel like I shouldn't be coming to you today with this energy because it is negative energy.

I just went on a little rage walk outside to try to walk out some of my frustrations.

I have shared with you that there's a new iteration of Activate that is coming, and I'm so excited to share it with you.

And I absolutely see this as Satan doing his work to keep this all from happening.

The guest I had today was going to share her powerful, powerful testimony.

And that is the whole goal of, well, of honestly my life, but of having this platform and the changes I'm about to make is to glorify God and get more guests so that we can make the show bigger, so that more people are listening and more people ultimately can be saved.

And obviously that is a huge calling on my life.

And Satan is not for me in this aspect.

And so he's going to work hard to make this difficult for me.

I actually woke up this morning saying, actually, I woke up with anxiety about my guest.

And I kept telling myself, like, there's no reason to be anxious.

You know, you're prepared.

She's wonderful.

And I will tell you, I've always had this feeling when I have a guest, like, I'm not good enough.

I'm going to mess it up.

Something's going to go wrong.

And today it feels like everything went wrong.

And it just, it confirms those fears in me that I'm not good enough.

I can't do this.

I shouldn't be doing this.

But I know that this is the enemy talking and this is not what God wants.

And he.

God has showed me very clearly what he wants from me.

And I will Be darned if I let Satan win in this.

So I come hell or high water, today we get a podcast recording.

And so I've called in the big guns.

Probably the most special guest, not probably the most special guest I have ever and will ever have on this podcast.

And it is the sweetest boy in all the land.

Asher Champ Ballard, welcome to the show.

Hello.

Hi, buddy.

How are you?

Good, good.

So, because we're having technical difficulties, we're literally sitting almost on top of each other, sharing a microphone so that we can both be seen and heard, right?

Yep.

So he's not the most excited, which I completely understand.

If I was a 12 year old boy, I bet I wouldn't want to be on my mom's podcast either.

But because like I said, he is the sweetest boy, he has agreed to oblige me in this.

We.

We actually had been talking about doing a podcast together, but maybe it wasn't going to be today.

Right, right.

So we had been planning, but we weren't like fully ready, would you say?

Yep.

Do you feel like there's something to be said about doing things before you're ready?

Wait.

Okay.

Nothing.

Sometimes it's important to not wait until you're ready to do things and to just go ahead and do them if you feel like it's something that can help someone.

Okay.

I agree.

Okay.

So having said that, Asher.

So.

Well, first of all, yesterday, when this recording will come out, yesterday will have been Mother's Day.

So it's very special to me that you're here because everyone on this podcast knows a lot about you.

Because, of course, you're just my pride and joy and I love you so much.

And I.

I talk about you a lot because I'm so proud of you and.

And we've been through a lot together.

I feel like in our.

In your life, you and I have.

You and I have been through a lot, wouldn't you say?

I would agree.

Yeah.

So I think today, even though it's hard, it's not an easy thing for anyone to talk about, but we're going to talk a little bit about the.

Your struggle that you've had with anxiety.

Okay.

Okay.

So, man, a few words here.

I see.

What?

Yeah.

Um, where do you have a.

Like a first memory of feeling anxious?

It kind of feels like it was just always there.

Interesting.

Remember?

So it's like you can't even remember a time before you had anxiety.

Yeah.

It feels like it's been in you your whole life.

For me, I can, if I had to Think back, I would say when I first noticed it at least was when we started sending you to preschool.

And I think that was like, separation anxiety is where it started because you were so used to being with me all the time no matter what, and then it was all of a sudden like I.

Your safe person was then, like, dropping you off at a place with strangers almost.

Yeah.

So it makes a lot of sense that you felt that way, but then it just didn't get better.

Right.

So tell me how that kind of progressed into going to, like, big school.

I think the longer it went on, the longer we, like, we were definitely trying to do things that would help, but we didn't really find anything that, like, worked really and helped me feel better.

Right.

So let's talk about some of the tools that we did try.

So the first thing I can remember, like, well, maybe not the first thing, but one of the things I remember we did was took you to a counselor, Ms.

Kami.

And do you remember things that she.

Because it did seem like it was helping.

It did.

And some of that made me wonder, like, is this actually helping or does he just like this so much because he gets to get out of school for it every single week?

Well, I feel like for a while after it did help, like, I did do a little bit better at school.

I also definitely did like getting out of school for doing something that I actually enjoyed.

Definite perk.

So that was nice.

And I got food after every time, so that was just another bonus.

You're.

I'm a mom that spoils her.

Or bribes maybe is the word for children.

I would agree.

Okay, so can you remember any of the tools that Ms.

Kami taught you?

And what age would you say this was?

Would you say this was?

Was this second grade?

This was first.

First grade.

Okay.

Okay.

So as a first grader, what were some things that were helpful?

Well, the main thing I noticed she did was like, slowly started in the first few, like, sessions.

I guess you could say you were in there about, you know, for first time, maybe the entire time, then maybe half.

And then it, you know, kept decreasing until it was just me and her for about an hour.

That's one thing I noticed.

And I think that kind of helped just me getting confidence that I can do something on my own.

That is one thing that did work.

I know there's a lot of other things, like stress balls.

They're like little squishy balls that you like, kind of squeeze when you're feeling anxious.

Yeah, that didn't really help, right?

Yeah.

Sensory stickers, things like that.

Those things didn't work.

No.

No.

Okay.

So that's actually.

I love that.

And that's something I didn't realize.

So showing you by me kind of being there and then kind of coming in less and less and you just building that confidence in yourself.

Like, look, I'm doing this alone.

She's not in here, and I'm okay.

Yeah.

Even if I didn't exact.

I didn't realize it, but looking back.

Yeah, I can definitely tell.

That's interesting.

I love that.

So I tried to write a little list of, like, things that we have always tried to do to help you.

And this is, like, in no particular order, but we always tried to make sure you got good sleep because we know when you would wake up tired, that that would.

Yeah.

Even worse.

Right.

We.

We started you drinking happy juice.

Yeah.

Right.

And do you.

Tell me your honest feeling?

Do you think happy juice.

There's something special about happy juice, or do you think that it's just.

It says it's supposed to be happy juice, and so it makes you feel like you're doing something.

I definitely think most of it was just the feeling that this is helping me.

Right.

And that was definitely.

I mean, that was helpful.

And also it tastes really good, so I enjoyed that part.

Yeah.

But it might have helped a little, but not really.

Mostly placebo effect.

You know what that is?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Mostly just me thinking.

Right.

I think that a lot of things might have been placebo things in that, like, we're telling you, okay, this is supposed to help.

So do this.

And then it's like, okay, I have a tool, like, something to try.

Yeah.

Well, a lot of those.

I feel like as soon, like, right away, it seemed like it was really helping.

Yeah.

But then, like, let's say we're doing one on the way to school or something.

But then once I actually got there, it all kind of just went away.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

But so I think you and I talked about this last night, and I think it was just.

It felt good to know we were trying something.

Yeah.

Even when it didn't ultimately help.

So we tried calming oils.

I know you would put, like, a lavender or a calming oil, like, roller ball thing in your.

In your desk or in your school bag.

We did worship music on the way to school.

Tell me about that.

That didn't help.

Right.

Because why.

Because what does worship music tend to do sometimes?

Oh.

Makes me, like, sad.

It makes kind of a little sad.

It does, yeah.

Yeah.

We.

We must not have had the most upbeat worship songs.

No, we did not.

So that did not work.

Or it was songs that you liked.

Yeah.

So.

Oh.

So that it almost, like, make you think of me and how you're leaving me.

Or also just.

Oh.

Or you just didn't like the song.

That was my.

That was what I was thinking when I said that.

Yeah.

Okay, My bad.

All right.

We tried different books about separation anxiety and feeling anx.

We ended up in therapy again from home.

And was that at all helpful?

I think.

I think so.

I don't think it was a solution, though.

I think it made me feel a little bit better just talking about it, I guess.

Right.

But I don't really think it fixed any problems.

Okay, that's good to know.

We did like, breathing.

Like, deep breathing techniques.

We put.

I put box or notes in your lunchbox.

Okay.

You had a watch that allowed you to.

Yes.

Stay connected to me.

So tell me about that.

Very helpful.

Just knowing at any point I could.

No matter.

Even, you know, no matter what I could, I still had a way to talk to you.

You had access to me when you needed me.

Yep.

Yeah, I think that was a big deal too.

Let's see.

Okay, tell me about the picture in the folder.

So someone told us.

Told me to put a pict.

Picture of me and you in your folder or in your bag.

And tell me about that.

That was torture, honestly.

Because I just got reminded of sadness.

And then every time you looked in your folder.

Exactly.

Okay, that did not help.

Okay.

Torture.

Okay, got it.

How about people in your school like Ms.

McGee and Ms.

H?

They were very helpful, especially honestly, Ms.

H.

Because I was able to take a little break.

Just get.

So kind of explain that.

So she was someone who worked at your school.

She wasn't your teacher, but she.

She was a carpool person.

So every morning she would get you out of the car.

And so you two just formed this special relationship, and she had an understanding of your feelings.

She would share with us that, like her.

Her son also struggled with these things.

So.

So she understood you from the beginning with.

Which obviously made you feel safe with her.

Yeah.

And then she gave you a space to come to if you were struggling.

And so you could, you know, leave your classroom and go talk to her if you were feeling teary or just really, really sad.

And she would give you.

What was the.

The thing that you said that she gave you?

Oh, time.

Just like a minute to kinda.

Right.

Relax, reset, and then go back to class feeling better.

That I just had some time to, like, just think Just have a minute.

Like.

Yeah, just take a break.

When we were talking about this, too, you mentioned that time, like, a lot of the anxiety revolves around the issue of too much time or not enough time.

Not enough time.

Right.

So explain that.

Well, one of the things that I noticed is on the way to school, let's say that was one of the worst times because, you know, just every second we were just getting a little anticipation.

Yeah.

Just constantly like that.

And the reason that was so hard, because I was getting less and less, like, time or even time was running out.

Yeah.

When I wake up in the morning, that even just felt like.

And honestly, the way you woke up so early was also an anxiety response, because a normal kid wakes up, like, 10 minutes before they gotta roll out the door.

Right.

But you wanted to be up, like, you would want to be up, like, two hours before you had to leave for school.

Yep.

Because it gave you more time.

Right.

And so then time became an issue when you got to school because that was too much.

Too much time.

So it was always kind of not enough.

Right around time.

Time or kind of separation or.

Honestly, the separation is the same thing.

Because it's time away from me.

Yeah.

Or because honestly.

So your.

The anxiety would show up to when Mommy and Daddy were gonna travel that as well.

Right.

And so that was really a struggle for you.

Yeah, Especially if I had school during that time.

That was, that was rough because it was hard enough to get through school anyway.

But then without one of us being here, it was.

Yeah.

Torture again.

Just torture.

Okay, so we basically, we've been torturing Asher since 2012.

Actually never left you for, like, three and a half years.

So let's see.

I'm trying to see what else.

So we talked about time, school, sports.

Why don't you talk about a little bit about, like, organized.

Yeah, that was the fear of, like, pressure.

Kind of like having the fear of messing up or something like that was just overwhelming.

Yeah.

And there are coaches.

Well, kind of like coaches by nature are going to be like, yelling, especially in a game like basketball.

Right.

Yeah.

They're yelling.

So you having never been yelled at in your entire life.

Yep.

Because you came out sweet and precious and stayed that way.

So I'm sure I can only imagine what it felt like to all of a sudden be, like, thrust into a situation where you're getting yelled at.

Yeah.

And you would start to just panic, like, days before a game.

Yeah.

And practice wasn't quite as bad because there was not such pressure.

I, I, I almost enjoyed it.

Enjoyed that, like, that was fun because we just got to like, it wasn't important.

Like, it.

Yeah.

It was just how we do.

Yeah.

And we tried to impress upon you that, look, the game is just.

It's just a game.

It's not that important.

But honestly, when you're in a room, a gymnasium like that, it's just a whole bunch of people making you feel like this is like the most important thing in the world and don't let us down.

Yeah.

Right.

So that also just became something that you would just ruminate on.

And I would say, like, don't pre worry and don't like, don't ruin today worrying about something that's going to happen tomorrow.

And you just couldn't get yourself out of the spiral.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, that's hard.

So if you had to explain, like, what does anxiety feel like to you?

What.

How would you explain that to somebody?

To me especially, I have another.

This isn't so much anxiety.

Just something I don't like to do.

Going places, like.

Yeah.

Literally anywhere.

It doesn't have to go anywhere.

But to me, like, if I had to, let's say it's like noon, 12 o' clock, you know, middle of the day.

But we were going to dinner at like five or something.

Okay.

It would feel like I couldn't, like I had nothing.

You couldn't enjoy any part of that day.

I couldn't enjoy any part of that day because I had that coming up.

And that kind of just feels like a weight on my chest of where I.

I just have to think about that dread.

Yep.

And a heaviness.

Some panic in not.

Maybe not in having to leave the house, but like panic.

Definitely.

And like there was a basketball game tonight.

Yeah.

Or you had school tomorrow.

Like you would hate if I said, you know, you got school tomorrow.

Oh, yeah.

That.

Yeah.

That was like, not allowed for me to speak.

Do not speak of this.

Yeah, that was.

That was rough.

Don't remind you of.

It's like you already knew, but just bringing it up would just ruin your mood and give you much more anxiety.

And then it was just so sad too, because.

Tell me about this.

So a lot of times when you were feeling really anxious or when I was about to drop you off at school or when you were at school, the last thing you would want to do is cry.

Yeah.

And it was like your body betrayed you because you couldn't help those tears from coming.

Yeah.

And then I didn't want to go walk in school, like.

Right.

Just make me feel even worse.

Right.

That was another.

Yeah.

Like the fear of fear.

Right.

And then you just, you're worrying your friends were going to see you crying and have to explain yourself to another person or like, I'm sure that did feel awful.

And believe me, as your mom, it felt so awful dropping you off there every day.

Absolutely horrible.

I can't tell you how many times I was at the gym just like, just so.

Just kind of defeated because by the time I would get you to school and get you out the door, it was just, it was just like both of our hearts were broken.

Yeah.

That was so, so difficult.

So other than what we ultimately did, because we'll talk about that.

Yeah.

Do you what things?

Like, if you had to name two of the top things, what were the things that helped the most?

The having watch, phone and backpack.

Yep.

Any of those things helped a lot.

Yep.

So like, you.

If you were, you know, really like freaking out in school and you just needed to like send a quick text from the bathroom or something or say like, what's going on?

Anything.

Right.

That just knowing, not even doing it, just knowing that you can just made.

Me feel so much better.

You didn't even have to use the phone.

You just needed to know it was there.

Exactly.

Right, Right.

And then you did say a few.

But like, what are things that just are not helpful?

Yeah.

The ones like stress ball, sensory stickers.

Think things that just were not helpful.

Like, this is tricky.

Yeah.

Because I did list a few that did not help.

Really.

Right.

Maybe, like.

That'S okay.

I mean, we talked about, we talked about it.

So honestly, nothing was helpful except for maybe the few things that you just said.

But the only thing is that I would say is that it did help to know we were trying something, even if ultimately whatever that thing was wasn't helpful.

Yeah.

So that's kind of what I would say about that.

Let's see what can, if I had to ask you or if I asked you, what did you need from me the most in the midst of these feelings of anxiety?

Just like, honestly, one thing is it was not possible to do every day, but one thing that we did, you know, do a few, like a time or two.

If I, like I remember the latest time when you were going to tenant Nashville or somewhere.

Okay.

This was this year.

Yeah.

Well, I guess 2024.

Yep.

But this school year and I just got dropped off at like about 10:00.

Yeah.

That just made me feel so much better.

Just getting like when you said, hey, you can, we can.

Right.

Because so what you're saying is you knew I was leaving.

That was really hard for you.

And it was on a school day, and so I said, look, let's spend this the morning together, and I'll drop you off at the latest possible time.

Yeah.

If you remember correctly, I sat in the airport that whole day and then never ended up getting to Nashville.

Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

But, yes, that's true.

So that was one good thing, was that I offered you back as much time as I could.

Really just come.

Come out to time.

But then what about just, like, understanding?

Oh, yeah, Just like.

Letting.

Hearing my thoughts.

That was definitely a big help in just, like, agreeing with them.

Right.

Not trying to, like, talk you out of them or tell you why they're wrong, but just being like, I understand.

Exactly.

Yep.

That was another thing that was very helpful.

Right.

And you know, you're the perfect kid for me because I do understand God.

God knew that, you know, that he's like, she can understand him because she's felt this too.

So that's kind of another interesting thing that we've not talked about.

But Daddy has never experienced anxiety, so he doesn't fully understand where you're coming from.

He could.

He could be sad that you were feeling that way, but he didn't have an understanding of what it felt like.

So it made it a little harder for you to kind of get your point across to Daddy.

Yeah.

Would you say.

Yeah, I agree.

And did that feel a little frustrating?

Sometimes.

Yeah.

Don't worry.

He doesn't listen to my podcasts.

I get.

Yeah, but.

Not.

Well, honestly, I would usually talk to you because I knew you did understand.

It's like, if you had a question about fishing, you wouldn't ask me.

No.

Right.

Like, he would go to Daddy.

I was just the one who could.

I was the one for this job.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

So what would you say to.

You can pick either another kid or a parent who.

A kid with anxiety or a parent who has a child that struggles with anxiety.

Do you have any?

I guess some of those were good tips.

But what about.

What about a kid your age or younger who just feels the same way that you did?

What would you say?

Well, honestly, the biggest help was, like, going to a different school.

Well, right, okay.

So we haven't gotten to that yet, so.

Yeah.

Okay.

So ultimately, what happened is that God allowed my car accident and impending heart surgery to make us finally make a move as a family.

When we saw that you just absolutely were not thriving.

Like, you just weren't okay at some.

Point, it just wasn't the right school at this point.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

And just because something is right for somebody or just because a school could be absolutely a wonderful place with wonderful people and it doesn't mean that it's right for every kid.

Yeah.

And so we found Valor Online school and that really has changed everything.

Sometimes I say to you, like, Ashley, you have school tomorrow.

And you're like, yeah, I know.

Like, thank God.

Right?

Like, I'm so glad that I get to go to school tomorrow because you truly love it.

Would you say?

I would agree.

I'm definitely not.

Like, if the only thing that I would not like about the week, not even dealing with school, is that my friends had school and they were not available to play video games or another one, is I would have to go up to my room two hours earlier.

But the actual school wise, I was not dreading it.

I was not like worried about it at, in the slightest.

Right.

And everyone there is so kind.

There's no pressure.

Everyone.

If you have an issue, they just help you through the issue.

The classes are smaller, so it's less students to one teacher.

You can.

Yeah, obviously it's, it's Bible based.

Maybe that's not obvious, but it's a Bible based school and we love that about it.

That's a really important thing for me, which is why I had you in a Christian school to start with, is because I wanted you to have a foundation of, of God.

So tell me, how has God come into play in this issue of anxiety?

Well, possibly one of the biggest helps definitely, like asking God to take away my worry, my worry or my anxiety about something.

Yep.

If I'm worried or like about school the next day, let's say.

Well, not now, I guess.

Yeah.

But like before, before, if I was worried about something coming up, I just asked, lord, please take away my fear about whatever it may be.

So that was definitely one of the biggest helps.

And do you have any Bible verses that you love that have helped you through this type of thing?

Well, I guess Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Because that is kind of like one that feels like it's similar to.

Well, it, it's okay.

It makes me like, it's actually kind of.

It makes sense, you know, like it.

What it's saying is really, you literally.

Can do it because I'm here giving you the power to do it.

Right.

And you can't.

You're not gonna argue with God.

He said it.

Right.

Well, that is amazing.

So Ultimately, what I hear you saying is that you're in a really good place now.

So we did end up letting you quit basketball.

Let's talk about that for a minute.

Okay.

So a lot of parents say, I've heard this my whole life.

If a kid makes a commitment to something, you don't let them quit.

I've heard that, too.

You've heard that, too?

Probably because I've said it to you.

Yeah.

Well, I started questioning myself thinking, actually, why?

Because I think I was just had that in my head because I just heard it so many times.

And I agree that if you make a commitment to something, you should see it through.

But at what cost?

At what point are you suffering to.

The point where it's not worth it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For anybody.

You couldn't even be an effective team player when you were feeling the way you were feeling.

And it's not.

I still do.

Definitely.

I enjoy basketball.

I like.

I still like it, but I think I more so enjoy it, like, if I'm playing with friends, something more simple like that.

And I think I'm kind of guilty of it because I would see you drawn to something, and I'm like, oh, he loves basketball.

Let me sign him up for basketball.

Because I was always trying to get, like, I value the importance of, like, a team sport or, like, being in something.

Right.

So I would see you have an interest, and I'm like, oh, sign them up.

And then you would absolutely hate it.

Right.

So we both had to learn, kind of.

I had to learn.

Like, just because you have an interest in something doesn't mean you want to play it competitively, because you love to go out and shoot baskets or when Bubba has his friends over, you get out there and you play a game of basketball or even in an environment.

Like there's a basketball training facility nearby.

And you just loved that.

Yeah, because there just wasn't the pressure to perform or to win or to lose.

It was just for fun.

And I think that's why you're going to love CrossFit one day, because it's basically just competing against yourself and trying to be better every day and lifting heavy weights and, like, that's never going to be detrimental.

I'm sure someone, even myself, I have done it to an extreme where it's not healthy, but I think I would love for you to just get to learn like.

Like weightlifting, because I think that's so important for your future and it's something.

That you love and you would like.

It, and we should share that together.

Yeah.

Exactly.

I get that.

Yes.

And Daddy now, too.

You know, like, we.

And we have a whole basement full of weights that are at your disposal, but I want you to know how to use them safely.

So I think that's something that we could do in our future for sure.

Okay, here's.

I'll end with this.

I know you're jonesing to get out of here, and I really appreciate that you did this, but you said to me one day, you said, mom, how many times have we worried about something that never even happened?

Yeah.

And tell me about that a little bit.

Like, there's a lot of things that I think everybody at one point has worried about something that didn't happen.

And I'm sure I could even say most of the time, it never happens.

If not all the time, in our experience.

Exactly.

Like, I honestly don't think I've ever really had a reason that I should be worried about something.

But I do think it is really hard to control if you are worried about something.

You can't just think, I don't have a reason.

There's not an off switch.

You can definitely think that that definitely helps.

That doesn't fix it, but it is something.

Well, I just.

When you said that, I thought, what good evidence for us for the next time when we feel worried or anxious to remind ourselves that look, pretty much a hundred percent of the worries I've had never came to pass.

Yeah.

So that feels.

That feels like a helpful tool, right?

Yep.

You're like, yep.

Then I go now.

Well, actually, thank you so much.

This was the best Mother's Day gift you could have given me.

So just so you know, it's only Wednesday.

You have until Sunday.

But should you.

Should you not give me anything?

You're off the hook.

But I do love words in a card.

Okay, I can.

I can.

I can find a piece of paper.

I'll get something down.

Can you not write, happy Mother's Day?

Love, Asher?

No, I can do a little bit more.

Okay.

I could maybe add a you're welcome for going on your podcast or something.

Burn.

All right, everybody.

Well, happy Monday.

Thank you for being here.

I hope that this was valuable.

I hope you can share this with.

If you know someone who has a child that struggles with something like anxiety, or if you're a parent of one or have a friend who was a parent of one.

I would love if you would share this episode.

As always, I'm so grateful that you're here.

I hope you have the best week.

Later.

That's a wrap on another episode of Activate.

Stay up to date by following Ristenlee Ballard on Instagram.

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And if this episode made you laugh, offered value, or simply entertained you, please like share and give a five star review on itunes.

Thanks for being here.

Love y' all.

Later.