Welcome to the Taboo to Truth podcast, unapologetic conversations about sexuality in midlife.

I'm your hostess, Karen Bigman, certified life and menopause coach and sex educator.

Whether it's a dwindling libido, a dry vagina, a challenging erection, or the emotional ups and downs of midlife, we're here to talk about it all.

I'm going to bring the often quiet into the light to create a safe space where no question is too awkward or taboo.

Together, we're creating a community of support and education where you can learn, share, and laugh about the intricate beauty of sex in midlife.

So grab your favorite drink and put me on speaker.

It's time we broke the silence.

This spring, I had the great pleasure of going to the conference of the association of Sex Educators, coaches, counselors, and therapists, and I met an enormously wonderful group of people who are really working to make this a more sex positive world.

So I took the opportunity to ask 24 of these professionals in varying areas of the profession, from sex therapist to professional cuddler to book publisher, what their definition of sex is.

And this is what I heard.

I I am here at the association of Sex Educators, coaches, counselors, and therapists in St.

Louis, and I am talking to love Queen Layla, and I have asked her what her definition of sex is.

Well, sex, I believe, is a sacred energy exchange.

So it's very deep and important to all of life.

Kate Clark Kate, what is your definition of sex?

My definition of sex is wonder and creativity, curiosity, embodiment, fun and lust all in one.

Stacy Rose, a consent educator for college kids I love it.

Stacy, what is your definition of sex?

I would define sex as something that is beyond the physical.

It's how you conduct yourself as well as contact.

So it's your identity, intimacy, how you connect with people.

But what's most important to me is that you do all of that with consent and that you respect other people's bodily autonomy and their agency, and that we all work towards a space where people feel comfortable expressing theirs and receiving that autonomy in return.

Maddie Wisnicki from Sparked, which is Planned Parenthood sex education arm.

Maddie, how do you define sex?

That's a really great question.

Karen.

Sex, to me, is an umbrella term.

So when we have this conversation about sex, it's really important to recognize that there's so many different types of sex that someone might choose to engage in.

It's also important to recognize that someone might engage in one type of sex over another.

So when I talk about sex, I'm going to be talking about sex, as in oral sex, anal sex, and vaginal sex.

But I do want to remind folks that these are not the only types of sex that we'll be talking about.

But it's also important to remember that some people may engage in one type of sex over another.

And that's completely up to them in their choice as well.

Eric Fitzmadron, author of the better man I love it a Guide to Consent, stronger Relationships, and hotter sex.

Eric, what is your definition of sex?

I think of sex as pleasure in bodies between two people.

That's the broadest umbrella.

It includes genitals and a lot of non genital contact, too.

Michelle Renee Melville Cashon from the Sexual Health alliance, which is where I am doing my certification.

Yeah.

Michelle, what is your definition of sex?

Okay, so it's expanded over the years.

I used to think of it just as intercourse, but now I believe sex is anything that brings you pleasure.

And it can include orgasm or not orgasm.

It can include penetration or no penetration.

So my definition of sex is something that brings you pleasure.

Marissa Zumbo, who is a sex educator, what is your definition of sex?

It's so expansive.

My definition of sex would probably be anything that is pleasurable and also consensual with yourself, with another person, doesn't matter.

Margot Gray Margo is an educator from the University of Minnesota.

Margo, what is your definition of sex?

Sex is a connection between one or more bodies.

David Curry.

David is a publisher of all kinds of books.

Also many books that are banned today.

Sadly, I'm asking, David, what is your definition of sex?

My definition of sex has a lot more to do with the body's connection to the brain than anything else.

So I think of sex as being the way in which our bodies sort of express what is going on in our minds.

So, whether that sex is about expressing ourselves and wanting to connect with other people, or even sometimes protecting that self.

Right.

You know, putting a boundary around it and understanding and trying to figure out where those boundaries are.

But to me, sex is the way in which we connect with the physical world, where this art connects with all of this.

I am Kate Schechter.

Kate is a future sex educator.

Kate, what is your definition of sex?

I think my definition of sex expands way beyond, like, intercourse.

And is just any sort of erotic play that brings pleasure.

This is Etienne from the body electric school.

Etienne, what is your definition of sex?

Sex is a pleasurable body function that could be done individually or shared, but it is not necessarily intimate or erotic.

Francesca Capponi aethereze sex and cancer.

Doctor Francesca, what is your definition of sex?

My definition of sex is playful erotic intimacy.

That playfulness is so important because it gives us the ability to be safe and present, have consensual pleasure and just fun.

Right?

Adults, we need fun.

Nick Harback, a marriage and family therapist who works with the queer population in LA.

Nick, what is your definition of sex?

Oh, wow.

It's such a unique and expansive thing to define.

I would say it is a physical way to express intimacy to some degree and experience pleasure.

I hope you're enjoying this episode of taboo to Truth.

Do you have any burning questions about sex in midlife menopause, dating after divorce, or exploring the spicier side of things like polyamory or kink?

I want to hear from you.

Head over to my website, taboototruth.com and fill out the form with your questions.

I'll answer them anonymously in upcoming episodes so you can get the scoop without revealing your identity.

It's like having a secret hotline to all your midlife sex questions.

Whatever it is, I am all ears.

So jump over to my website, tabutotruth.com, and let's keep the conversation going.

Now back to the show.

Doctor Vanessa Vincent, a sex and relationship therapist.

How do you define sex?

I define good sex as consensual, intimate connection, pleasure, whatever you enjoy, whatever you like.

And if you have a partner, whatever they're into, as long as you guys are having a good time and making connections.

Sex.

Wow.

It's such a unique and expansive thing to define.

I would say it is a physical way to express intimacy to some degree and experience pleasure.

Alicia Williams, sex therapist and former podcast guest of taboo to truth.

Alicia, what is your definition of sex?

Well, I'd start by saying that I don't think there is a single definition of sex because it's such an expansive term.

But I think that part of having good sex or feeling embodied sexually is determining what that means for you.

So it might be connection, it might be pleasure, it might be adventure, it might be for fertility, it might be bonding.

I think for a lot of different people, it has a different function.

To me, that's what sex is, whatever you want it to be.

Nancy Owen, sex therapist out of Seattle, Washington.

Nancy, what is your definition of sex?

So for me personally, sex is all about pleasure in the body, and it's whatever brings me pleasure in the body.

So it doesn't always have to do with genitals, but it does have to do with presence.

And that's something I've learned later in life, really, because I think earlier in my life, sex was about a thing that I did.

Like it was a thing I did.

And now it's for me.

It's the Esther Perel quote.

It's a place you go.

It's a place you go, right.

It's when you're really sitting in your body and you're experiencing pleasure.

That's what sex is for me.

Nick Rain, an illustrator for all these amazing books that help with sex education.

Nick, what is your definition of sex?

Yeah, so my definition of sex, obviously, it's a noun.

And I would say that is the act of physical connection between yourself and or another person.

Steve Sanders from the body electric school.

Steve, what is your definition of sex?

My definition of sex is the movement of body parts, friction based, that bump together.

And I didn't know until much later in my life that there's a great distinction between sex, a function of body parts, and eroticism as a cultivated art.

Keeley Shoup, who is from the cuddlist professional cuddle therapy.

Keeley, what is your definition of sex?

My definition of sex is intimacy that internally activates your erogenous desires.

So it can be defined in so many different ways, but it's definitely a subjective experience.

Doctor Rachel Needle, co director of the modern Sex therapy Institutes.

Rachel, what is your definition of sex?

So many people think about sex as penetration, but it is so much more.

And so that's not the way I look at it.

Anything that can be arousing, including touching, exploring, kissing, and of course, all types of sex, oral, anal, vaginal.

So it exists on a continuum, and it's so much more than what most people term it.

Sex therapist Miranda Crito.

Miranda, what is your definition of sex?

Sex is a way of connecting to pleasure, either with others in a way of connecting with them as well, or by yourself.

And what's your personal definition of sex?

Connecting with pleasure with my partner.

That's yours.

Okay, thank you.

Laura Desiree is an intimacy coordinator and pleasure activist.

I love it.

Hi, Laura, what is your definition of sex?

I love this question.

Sex, to me, is a combination of pleasure and curiosity.

Those two things come together and you have sex because it doesn't need to be partnered.

It can be solo, it can be self.

I love to have sex with myself all the time, but when I'm doing it, I'm in the process and in the pursuit of pleasure while still remaining curious.

And that is where the joy of it comes in.

As you heard, each person has their own individual interpretation of what sex is, but rarely is it what we thought of when we were younger as penis and vagina penetrative sex that results in orgasm.

It involves connection, eroticism, spirituality.

For some people it often involves even more about intimacy.

And most importantly, what we heard from many of these people is that sex involves pleasure.

I hope that this gave you a wider perspective on sex.

Let me know what your interpretation or what your definition of sex is.

Thanks for joining me on the taboo to Truth podcast where I'm spicing up midlife one episode at a time.

If you've been enjoying the sizzle, why not turn up the heat by giving me a scorching five star rating and leaving a steamy review?

It's the best way to help others discover pleasure in their sex life.

So don't be shy, show me some love and keep the midlife adventure alive.

And until next time, grab your favorite drink and put me on speaker.

It's time we broke the silence.