Welcome to NewView Advice. I'm your host, Amanda Derosier, and I invite you to

join me here each week as I offer advice on how to move through whatever

problem or trauma is holding you back from living life to the fullest. Let's get

started. Hey,

beautiful soul. Welcome to new view advice. If you're new here, this is a healing

centered advice podcast where I offer guidance for the healing journey. I don't believe I

have all the answers you seek. I believe you have all the answers. You just

may need a new view and a little help along the way. Thank you so

much for joining me for today's episode. Today, I am answering a listener question from

somebody struggling this holiday season with hard feelings such as

loneliness, sadness, and depression, and they're wondering how they can begin to

feel better and more festive this holiday season. I love this question.

I do not think you are alone. I have actually had this conversation with many

people this holiday season. I don't know if it's just the people I

have been spending time with or if it's a more collective

experience, but I have found through many conversations that this

holiday season has been more challenging for people than other holiday seasons. So

this episode is really for all of us who are feeling maybe a

little sad this holiday season as well as wondering where did the holiday

magic go. That's part of this question, and I think that's a really interesting

take. And I'm gonna talk a little bit about that idea of holiday

magic. So for this episode, we're going to talk about how to process some of

our hard feelings, accepting where we are, and remembering we won't be here

forever, how to love ourselves more deeply throughout the holidays, and

hopefully helping you to feel better or at least less alone this holiday season.

Before I jump into today's episode, I always like to mention that if you haven't

already, I invite you to check out my website for more free resources. You can

check that out at new view advice.com. And on my website, I have

journal prompts, meditations, podcast episodes, or my favorite

areas are the poems and reflection sections. These are where I

share writings of mine. I've really been leaning into writing over the past couple

months, and it's just felt so good to reconnect to that part of myself, the

writer within me. So that's all on my website at noovioadvice.com,

and today's episode show notes will be at noovioadvice.com/115.

So with that, let's jump on into today's listener question.

Dear Amanda, I'm really struggling this holiday season and was wondering if you had some

advice. I usually love the holidays, but this year I'm depressed and

sad. Honestly, as I write this, I realize I've been struggling for months.

I've been feeling really lonely, and with the holidays, I'm finding I feel worse rather

than better. I'm lacking any holiday spirit, and it's just adding to the sadness

I feel. I find myself wondering, where is the holiday magic? Do

you have any advice on how I can feel better this holiday season, or should

I just hope January is better? Thank you so much for this question.

First, I wanna say I'm sorry that you've been feeling sad and depressed. I think

those are hard feelings to feel all year, and I think around the holidays, they

become even harder because of the messages we receive about the holidays. So

if you watch Christmas movies or holiday movies or you turn on the

TV and you see commercials or with friends and family and

maybe, like, festive parties, like work events and things like that. We can think

that we're supposed to be feeling a certain way even if we're not feeling that

way. So I just wanna honor wherever you're at because

though it is challenging to not be in the holiday spirit,

there is nothing wrong with you, and your feelings are valid no matter what time

of year it is. With that said, I wanna say that I think

that with those hard feelings you're feeling, it sounds like you've been feeling them for

months. And my guess is that part of the reason you're really aware of feeling

them now is, as I mentioned, that there's all these messages that we're supposed to

be cheery around the holidays. We expect to feel a certain way around the

holidays. And I find that the holidays can be a great time, but they can

also be a disappointing time for a lot of people because of those

unmet expectations, and that can lead to disappointment. And I

wanted to mention this expectation and disappointment because in your question, you say,

where is the holiday magic? And that's such an interesting question to

ask because I think that it's a question many adults feel

around the holidays. Where is the holiday magic? Because I think that magical

element of the holiday season connects back to childhood.

And so I think that when we are looking for the holiday magic, we're looking

to feel how we felt when we were a child, when there was still that

magical element of Santa Claus and when there was this

belief that anything was possible. Right? The movies really show us these

really magical moments at the holiday season. There seems to be a lot of

magic involved at this time of year in the movies. And I also think when

you're a kid, you get the holidays off. So that feels really magical, and it's

really fun. And as adults, we don't always take 2 weeks off,

1 week off, whatever it is kids get for vacation. But there's this real

intention around the holidays when you're a child, and it feels magical. And

I think that when we're adults and we're looking for that magic it's that we're

looking to connect to that childlike nature within us, and I

absolutely love that we're looking to do that. But what happens

is when we're unable to connect to it, we feel sad, we feel depressed, or

we feel disconnected. So I wanted to mention that here that when you feel

like where is the holiday magic? I think that's a beautiful question to be asking

yourself because I think it connects to, like I said, a childlike part of

you that's looking to come forward. And I think that's beautiful because I think so

many people, when they become adults, become disconnected from that childlike

nature. And our childlike nature is where our creativity lives. It's where our

innocence lives. It's where such a pure part of us lives, and it

never goes away. We feel like it goes away, and we can shove it

down, that childlike nature within us, but it really never goes away. It's part of

who we are. You know, it's like how people say I'm young at heart. It's

because people understand that the young, the children of the

world, have that lightness of heart. And so I just wanna say that

I think it's a beautiful thing that you're looking to connect to the holiday spirit,

and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So with all that, I want

to now take a step back and answer your question of how do you

feel better this holiday season. And so my first piece of advice for

you is that I want you to practice accepting where you

are without judgment. So as I talked about

many times when it comes to the holiday season, we are disappointed because our

expectations are not met. So for you, one of your expectations was that the

holiday season would feel magical, and you're not feeling that way. And so

the first step, I believe, in feeling better is accepting where

you are and accepting that right now, it doesn't feel magical. And

that may sound counterintuitive. But if you've been listening to this podcast long

enough, I don't think it sounds counterintuitive, but I will explain it. I think that

many times when we are running from how we are feeling

and we want to feel something else, we are not accepting where we're at, and

then we're not able to process that feeling. And so for you, I think it's

important for you to take some time to be like, I am sad sad

this holiday season. This is a hard season for me. And

allow that feeling up. And I invite you to really sit with

that feeling. What does that look like sitting with your feeling? You could meditate with

it. You could journal. You could work with a professional. If you're in therapy, you

could ask your therapist about this sadness. But I want you to connect with

it. And one, the great thing about feelings is they never last forever.

So I invite you to remind yourself that you will not feel this way forever.

But when we run from our feelings, they tend to linger and last longer. So

I invite you to embrace it. I'm feeling sad this holiday season. What is

this sadness trying to communicate to me? And really get to

know what you feel sad about. Because you said you've been

feeling sad and depressed and lonely this holiday season, but also for a couple

months. And my question to you is, why?

Did something happen in the past couple months to trigger that

sadness? And I think that's something that happens at the holiday season

is that things can speed up in a way, like, where we feel really busy,

but also things start to slow down. So we can't ignore

ourselves and our hard feelings as much as we are used to.

And I also think with seeing friends and family, especially friends and family

we're not used to seeing, those type of family members maybe we only see around

the holidays, it can bring up old wounding. It can bring up old

feelings. It can bring up a past experience that wants to be looked at and

healed, or it can bring up some of our core beliefs

about ourselves. So maybe our family triggers within us that were not enough,

or maybe there's something that happened over the past year

that is now coming up for you to look at at this time. So

with all that said, I want you to begin looking at these feelings that

are arising with curiosity rather than judgment.

Because at the core of this question, I believe that you're judging

yourself for the experience you're having. And the truth is

your experience is real. There's no reason to deny it. You are

having hard feelings, and that is real. You know, I think another part of

growing up and being an adult is understanding that you can be having hard

feelings right now. You can feel sad and depressed, and you can also have

those moments of magic mixed into this holiday season. I was

joking with my partner that I sometimes think nostalgia is like a

disease. Like, I think people get so attached to the past.

They, in their head, tell themselves it was a lot better than it was

because I do think times were simpler years ago, and I

think things are just getting more and more chaotic in a lot of ways. But

the truth is the human experience ebbs and flows. And I

think that people are always having different emotions.

And I think that we look at the past and we can put rose

colored glasses over it, and we can say, oh, that was such a great year

or that was such a great vacation. Even if the vacation was filled

with ups and downs because life is filled with ups and downs. And it's not

that I think we should look at the past in a negative light. I just

think that sometimes with the nostalgia, we look at it as if it

was always better than the present moment is, and I don't

believe that's true. And I also believe all we have is the present

moment. So with nostalgia, I find so many people look at the past in this

longing, in this fairytale way, the same way that people can look to the future

as if it's gonna fix all their problems. And so much of life is learning

how to be comfortable in the discomfort and hard feelings are

uncomfortable. So my first piece of advice for you with feeling better this

holiday season is to accept where you are and to

really spend some time processing those feelings or bringing awareness to those feelings and

why you're feeling that way. Because with that, what I also wanna say is in

your question, you said, should you just wait till January? No. No. Oh

my goodness. No. This is my hot take of the week. Do not just

wait till January. You have right now, this present

moment. If you need to wait till January, okay. I mean, be kind

to yourself. There's no judgment here. The reason this is a hot take is because

I can't tell you the amount of years that I waited till January.

I was like, January 1st, I'm gonna get my life together, or January 1st,

things are gonna be different. And guess what? January 1st hit, and I was the

exact same person, and I was so devastated. I'm laughing right now because when

I got this question, I read it to Evan, and we talked about that, how

I was one of those people who was always like, January 1st, things are

gonna change. It's gonna shift for me. The universe is gonna show up different.

No. Same life. The lesson has always been, Amanda,

can you tune back to the present moment? Can you drop into

here and now and appreciate this moment no matter what is arising? And

as a trauma survivor, as many of us are who listen to this podcast, that

can be incredibly difficult. I know that. I honor that.

But I also know that January 1st isn't

gonna magically make your sadness, your depression, or

your loneliness disappear. Those feelings are going to linger

because they have messages for you. Right? Maybe the loneliness is time for you to

step out of your comfort zone. I know that came up for me. I talked

about loneliness back in October, and since then, I've really been making a big effort

to meet new people. And I say that because that

loneliness was communicating to me that it was time to step out of my

comfort zone. With sadness for you, I'm wondering if there's an inner

child who wants to be acknowledged. I think that this

idea of a magical Christmas, which I still think you can bring magic to the

holidays because I believe you can bring magic to everyday. But I think there's

a inner child within you who's looking for that magic, who feels as if

they're missing something. And I don't know what you feel like you're missing, but I

invite you to become curious about that expectation that's not being met right

now. And with depression, depression is a very challenging one

because it can linger. Right? I find sadness ebbs and flows

where depression is that lingering feeling of gloom and melancholiness.

And for depression, it's learning what helps you with that

depression. And maybe with all these feelings you're feeling since you've been feeling

them for months, maybe it's time to get some help. If you don't have any

professionals in your life or you haven't been reaching out for help, that could also

be something that you're ready for maybe come 2025. Maybe you've something that you're ready

for maybe come 2025. Maybe you've been going long

enough on your own and you're looking for some help on your journey. There's

nothing wrong with that. I've worked with many professionals throughout my journey. I continue to

work with professionals. So I invite you to be honest with yourself if

maybe these lingering feelings are trying to communicate to you that it's time

to try something different. And you can also check out my website for

journal prompts to assist you in connecting back to your feelings. I do have journal

prompts specifically for healing from depression on my website, and I'll link

those in the show notes at newviaadvice.com/115. So

with all that said about feeling your feelings, I also

think this is an invitation for you to love yourself more

deeply this holiday season. I think that when we accept where

we are, it's an act of self love because you are accepting where you are

in the present moment without judgment. That's what I'm inviting you to do is to

not judge yourself for wherever you're at. I know it can be really hard this

time of year with the outside world mirroring back a cheery facade

when we don't feel cheery. But I also wanna say here that I think that

the holidays are filled with a lot of smoke and mirrors is what I'm

going to say. I don't think that everyone is cheery every

second. As I said, people are complex. Most people aren't just holiday version

of cheery for 30 days. Right? They may look that way

on social media or in the movies or on a

commercial or maybe even at holiday parties. But I think

that the deeper we get, the more we see that people

are still people during the holidays. So they're often stressed.

They're often overwhelmed, or maybe they're sad and lonely as

well. I know for a lot of people, the holidays can be really sad because

there's so many messages of family up around the holidays, and many people

have lost family members, and many people are estranged from their families.

So it can be a very lonely time for many people. So you're definitely not

alone in how you're feeling. I know that this holiday season's been harder for me

than past holiday seasons. And I'm reminding myself that I won't

feel this way forever and holidays will be around again next year. And that's not

me ignoring how I'm feeling. It's me taking care of myself and disengaging from things

that are triggering for me. So for you, I invite you to also notice what

triggers are. Are there specific things that are triggering you to feel this sadness,

depression, and loneliness this holiday season? So I feel like I went on a

tangent there, but I invite you to love yourself deeper. And what I really mean

by that is that the holiday season, as I said, with that holiday magic you

mentioned, I really think it's connected to your inner child. And I think that

the way to bring that holiday magic back is to connect with that

inner child. And that is such an act of self love,

is to connect deeper with your inner child and to

acknowledge that part of yourself that, as I said, is always there, that innocent

nature, that creative spirit, that purity within you. And this is a time of year

where I invite you to let that inner child out. Maybe you want

to do something this holiday season that allows that inner child to shine. Maybe

you wanna go ice skating. Maybe you wanna go sing some Christmas songs. For

me, I've been playing Christmas songs on the piano. I just started learning how to

play the piano, and I can only play jingle bells. I'm not very talented. I

just won't throw that out there. But that's how I've been connecting to the holiday

spirit, Also, my inner child is my inner child has been loving playing

music. It's been something I've been embracing for the past couple of months. I healed

from a lot of trauma this summer, and I have been spending the fall and

now winter really connecting back to that inner child within me who felt

really punished for her creative gifts. And so

that's what I've been doing, but I find that that's an act of self love.

So I invite you to really embrace self love this holiday season because that's the

other thing. With the holidays, we can expect other people to act certain ways,

and we can find we're disappointed by other people. Like, we can think our family

will act a certain way, and then we go see our family and they act

the way they always act. Or we can expect our partner, our

husband, our wife to buy us a certain gift or to acknowledge the

holidays in a certain way or try to be the magic of the season and

they aren't in the holiday spirit either, and then we get mad at them. And

with those unmet expectations, it can cause us to feel disappointed again.

So I invite you to really see what you can do this holiday season

to bring that magical feeling you're looking for and, again, not judging

yourself or however you feel. And the last thing I wanna mention is another way

you can love yourself this holiday season is to prioritize self care.

I think that the holidays are really a time for slowing down,

relaxing, and reconnecting with one another. But at least here

in America, I find we've gotten so disconnected from that. For so many,

the holidays is a more stressful time. It's a time where people disconnect from

themselves. They put other people first or I hear the message over and over again.

I just gotta get through the holiday season. Yes. That's one way to

get through the holiday season, but I don't think that's what holidays were meant to

be. I don't think that's how they have to be. And for you, if you're

feeling disconnected from the holiday magic, I invite you to ask yourself how busy you

are. Are you too busy? And are you doing things you want to be doing?

Because I think that the other thing we've lost with the holidays is bringing

intention to the holiday season. Do you wanna feel holiday magic? I invite you to

ask yourself how would you bring that into your life. How would you feel that

holiday magic? Like I said, I play piano. And when I play holiday

songs, I feel that holiday magic. I feel my inner child like,

dang. This feels so good to get this. And it's songs

from my youth. It's songs from my childhood. So I feel that holiday magic. But

is my whole day filled with holiday magic? No. It's not. But for me, I'm

okay with that. But maybe for you, there's other ways you can add in that

holiday magic. And maybe it's communicating with your loved ones what that is

for you. Maybe you have to set boundaries this holiday season. Maybe you have to

prioritize yourself this holiday season. I think when we feel triggered by a

time of year or by an event like the holiday season, it's an invitation

for us to get intentional and to choose new. So for

some people, you may find that you always feel this way around the holiday season.

I know for a long time, I felt disconnected from the holidays, and I

always wanted them to be, quote, unquote, better than they were. And I eventually

had to be like, what is that? And I realized it was because I had

lost all parts of me at the holidays. The holidays had become about other

people, and I needed to prioritize myself. And I spent time thinking about that,

and I brought that intention into my life. But it took me becoming conscious

of that in order to change it. So with you and these hard feelings

arising, it's not a bad thing. It's an invitation for you to become more

intentional and more aligned with yourself. So many times throughout my life,

something I did previously doesn't bring me the same joy in the future, and

so I end up being disappointed because I had an expectation around that. But, really,

it's just an invitation more and more for me to become more present with myself

and to see what each present moment wants rather than putting expectations from the

past or nostalgia from the past on the future. So with that all

set, I do wanna wish you a happy holiday season. I

am sending you all so much love this holiday season. I am so grateful for

each and every person who listens to new video advice and tunes into the

podcast. I am forever grateful for this community. I

can't tell you how much of a difference you have all made in my life.

So I am so, so grateful for you. So know that though you're going through

a challenging time, I am right here with you along this human

journey and this healing journey. And my life is not perfect. My life

has ebbed and flowed and is so much better than it was a year

ago. So I'm taking this moment to acknowledge that. But there's still

things that come up for me, and there's still healing that I'm going

through, and that's part of the human journey. So wherever you're at

today, I am sending you so much love, and please do not judge yourself. Please

be kind to yourself. I truly believe self compassion has the power to change

the world. And I also think, as I'm wrapping up this question, one way to

bring holiday season and holiday joy this holiday season is

to do something for someone else. I really believe small acts of

kindness have a ripple effect and have the ability to change someone's life. I

know that in my life, I look back on the moments that mattered most to

me and so often it was small acts of kindness that shifted my day or

shifted my point of view on something. So I find the holiday season can

be a great time to give back and to connect with others even if it's

just sending a text to somebody you haven't seen in a while. It doesn't have

to be some grand gesture or some full day of volunteering. I think that we

can find small ways to impact each other. I always find that when I give

back to someone else, I do feel better because it reminds me to

get out of my own way and that the world is so much bigger than

me. So that just popped in my head here at the end of the episode.

But I do hope something in this answer was helpful. Again, I know that the

holidays can be a challenging time. So wherever you're at, be kind to yourself. Take

care of yourself. Practice self care. Practice self love. Be kind to yourself,

set boundaries if you need to. If you have plans that are not good for

you and do not bring you joy, feel free to cancel them this holiday season.

You can tell people Amanda Durocher said you can cancel them, and they'll be like,

who is that? But I give you permission. I give you a permission slip to

cancel them. But you know you don't need me to give you that permission slip.

You know that you can give yourself that permission slip. That's what we do here.

We give ourselves permission to do what we need to do to help us to

heal and feel better. So as always, I hope something in

this answer was helpful. Thank you so much for this question. I am sending you

so much love.

Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of newbie advice. As always,

I'm so grateful to be able to have these conversations each week and for everyone

who listens. The NewView Advice community is truly what I am grateful for this holiday

season, so thank you. Thank you. Thank you again. And if you haven't already, I

invite you to either leave a comment on this episode or leave the podcast

5 stars. Comments and ratings really helps to bring more people to the podcast

and help me to continue making more content, and it is truly the joy of

my heart. So thank you so much, and thank you again for joining me for

another episode of newbie advice. As always, I hope I was able to offer you

a new view on whatever you may be going through. Sending you all my love.

See you next time.