Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast. I am Erica Voell. I am a Decision Mentor and Inner-Trust Guide. And I work with women mainly those in midlife, trust their inner guidance, understand their unique strengths, and stop saying yes to what drains them. Using Human Design, coaching and Reiki, we clear the noise. So their no feels powerful and their yes, feels true. That yes and that no come up all the time with my clients. It comes up related to overcommitment and this pressure to be all things to all people. One of my clients sent me this message and I thought it perfectly summed everything up. I'm ironically unavailable to everyone because I'm trying to be available to everyone. When she sent that, that really hit me hard, and I talked about this in a recent episode about how women, especially in midlife, we're taught that we should be available to everyone, and this makes us the good one. This is what we're supposed to do, but here is the reality. How often when you fly, you are told to put on your own oxygen mask first. It is every single time, but how often in everyday life are you actually doing that, putting on your own mask first? I'm sure if you're like me, it's not often enough. Because we're taught, especially as women, to be self-sacrificing, even if it means being over committed, to be the helper, to be the one who says yes, to be the one who bakes the cookies for the school fundraiser, even when you are so exhausted. Or the one who volunteers to drive or host or organize or plan so that we can be seen as the good and reliable one. And deep down resentment is really starting to build. And eventually the people around us, our kids, our partners, our coworkers, they start to expect it. And they expect us to drop everything for their needs. And then that becomes the norm and we feel exhausted, maybe even invisible. And we start to believe that our own needs come last or worse, that our own needs don't even matter. If you have a five in your profile that's going is going to feel really familiar because people see you as that problem solver. They can see, they think that you can come save their day. So let me ask you something. What are you committed to right now? Don't overthink it. What comes to your mind first? Is it your family, your work, a friendship, a routine, or is it this list of shoulds that you have or this long list of to-dos? A list of what you said yes to out of pressure, and not because it brought you joy. We make commitments all the time, and as if you're a parent, you know exactly what I mean. But are we including ourselves in those commitments? I have been doing breath work every week lately. It started out as a way to deal with some frustration that was coming up. But it was something I couldn't get outta my system. I was trying to walk or exercise and meditation. Didn't even feel like it was enough movement to release it. So it was something I used to do about once a month when I was in the mood, and after each session I would feel lighter and clearer and like I could actually hear myself again. But this commitment has been next level changing. I did one session and I felt so. Clear. I felt like I had just gotten all the gunk out, and then I told myself I was gonna commit to three weeks. And then I was talking to a coach that I'm working with for a retreat and she challenged me to commit to six. So now I have done six and it's become a weekly thing. I look forward to it. Even if that day I'm like, oh, I don't wanna do this. But I feel such a shift in my energy this six weeks in, and I've noticed it's not just that shift in my energy, it's like my frequency is changing. And my ability to focus. Every session something new comes through. Like my "expectations build a wall" podcast episode that came through a breath work session. And this last one was, I am committed. I found myself saying it out loud. I am committed to me. I'm committed to my work. I'm committed to this. I don't know what this is, but this. And it got me thinking, what am I really committing to? Because right now I'm committing to the work that feels really stretchy, but also meaningful. And I'm committing to putting myself out there in ways that feel like I'm gonna walk off the edge of a cliff. And I'm also committing to noticing what I'm saying yes to. Am I seeing yes, out of pressure or obligation? Doing breath work has become a new kind of commitment, and even in these weeks there I'm like, I don't wanna do this. I still get out my mat, I still turn on the video, I pull up the blanket and I'm like, I'm going to do this. And I'm so grateful afterwards that I have followed through on my commitment and it's become not just another thing to check off my calendar. It is become a commitment to myself and for so many women I work with. That's exactly what's happening. They've committed to everything else, and they've not committed to themselves. They think that they're on their list, but when we start to dig in. We find that they're not. And what comes up a lot of times is then they're like, oh, I'm not good at starting things. I do this, or I committed to that. And then they start things and they don't finish them. And they'll tell me, I'm great at starting things, but I never finished them. Or, I'm terrible at following through. But here's the thing, it's not that they're bad at finishing. They actually are over-committed because we often start things and later something doesn't feel aligned. And so we step out of it and instead of listening to that nudge, we start to push through out of guilt. And we feel even worse because we think, oh, I gave up. I failed. I stopped. And for some of us, us. Especially if you're a manifester in Human Design, you are literally meant to initiate things, to get something started and then to move on when something's not feeling right. To pass it off to someone else, to delegate and simply letting go of something because it's no longer right for you. That's not a failure. That's really coming back into alignment and feeling good about you because we all have things that we've committed to, that necessarily aren't right for us. One of the biggest things I work with clients on is tuning back into their inner authority. This decision making part of your Human Design that. It helps you know what's right for you, what the right opportunities are, and some people feel it in their gut. Some people need to sleep on it, some people need to talk it out. When you can trust that, it really gives you permission to drop things that don't feel aligned, and that guilt then starts to ease. There's an analogy that I heard one time that I really love and I think it's helpful to think about this. Think of everything you're juggling right now, like as a bunch of balls in the air. Some of those balls are glass, they're fragile, they're meaningful, they're essential. Some are plastic. They might bounce. If you drop them, they might crack. It's okay. But glass balls might be your health and your close relationships, or even your core values. And the plastic balls may be that committee that you agreed to join but you really wish you had said no to, or that side project that you felt excited about, but now feels like a burden. We all have glass and plastic balls. There's no one size fits all. We don't all have glass and we don't all have just plastic. But when you are feeling overwhelmed, it's very helpful to ask yourself, which ones are glass and which ones are plastic? And are there some that you can just gently take down or even let them fall? And it's if something is glass. It doesn't mean that you have to let it shatter. It can be something that you're like, oh, I'm taking this down right now. This needs to be gently set down. Because then if we take it down intentionally and set it aside lovingly, then it doesn't feel so tight and grasping and like, oh my gosh, I have all these balls in the air. And what I've come to realize is that for so many of us, we are committed to everything else and everyone else except ourselves. And we, instead of being willing to let those balls fall, we start to put our own needs at the bottom of the list. And we say things like, "I'll, rest when the project is done." Or "I will book that massage after the kids go back to school or after the sports team season," or "I'll invest that in that class that I really wanna take once things slow down." Really do things ever really slow down in this world right now. But in the meantime, we start to feel more and more and more disconnected from ourselves. And my starting this breath work session was because I was feeling so scattered. I had so many balls in the air and I was like stuck in this. I should do this, I should do this, I should do this. And. It's now become a non-negotiable for me, it's no longer something that I do as a self-care. It's something that I need to do for myself, and it's a commitment I have made to myself. It's also a way of saying that I matter. It's giving myself that message. And what I see so often with clients is that they've got so many balls in the air and they've committed to things. Not because they're bad at boundaries. They are overcommitted because somewhere deep down, they believe if I say no, they won't see me as enough. Or if I do all the things, I'll let people down. Or if I rest, I'm being lazy. That is a big one. Or if I choose myself, I'm being selfish. They'll see me as selfish. Does that sound familiar? This is not a time management issue. This is a worthiness issue. It's a self-trust issue, as I've talked about in the last several episodes. This is, who am I without all-these-roles issue. The good mom, the good wife, the good coworker, the good employee. So I want you to pause and ask yourself, what would it look like to recommit to yourself, to your energy, to your needs, to your joy? And oh my gosh, to your breath. I'm not saying that you need to abandon your family or quit your job or fly off to an exotic location to find yourself. I'm saying like put yourself back in the equation. 'cause you really matter too. If you are not putting that oxygen mask on first, you're going to get to a point where you have no breath left. And if this speaks to you, I want to end with a gentle place. Where are you putting everyone else's oxygen mask on first, and what would it feel like to put your own on first? Just think about it just for a day. What is something that you can do to put that oxygen mask on first? You are going to bring yourself back to a rhythm when you put that oxygen mask on first, and that will bring you back into alignment and that will give you some fresh oxygen so that then you can come back to yourself. This week, I'm really committing to choosing myself quietly and intentionally without feeling guilty. I have not felt well this week, and so I've really spent time in bed and it is really roiled up that I'm being lazy or I should be doing this, but I, I have said I'm going to just lay in bed. It's uncomfortable. It's hard. And it's feeling really like an edge, but I know that it's what I needed to do for myself. So if you're nodding along and thinking, oh yes, that is me. I would love to support you. I would love you to book a free Life Energy Audit with me, and we'll talk about what is draining you, what you actually want, and how your Human Design can bring you back to what matters most. The link is in the show notes, and if this episode resonated with you, I would be so grateful if you would follow the show. Leave a quick review or share it with someone who needs to hear it. Be well, and I will talk to you soon